Debbie writes the Tawny Lindholm series, Montana thrillers infused with psychological suspense. Her books have won the Kindle Scout contest, the Zebulon Award, and were finalists for the Eric Hoffer Book Award and BestThrillers.com. Her articles received journalism awards in international publications. She is a founding member of Authors of the Flathead and helps to plan the annual Flathead River Writers Conference in Kalispell, Montana. Her greatest joy is mentoring young writers. http://www.debbieburkewriter.com
The site itself Z-Lib didn’t suffer as much as the 10 million users of the site who had their information stolen. Steve’s post reports the theft of:
…usernames, email addresses and passwords, the stolen data also included Bitcoin and Monero cryptocurrency wallet addresses for the nearly ten million people affected.
Z-Library was a major site funded by donations that offered free access to copyrighted works including pirated material. In 2022, the FBI temporarily shut down Z-Library.
Z-Library, the shadow library project that provided access to millions of textbooks, novels, journal articles, and magazines was shut down in November 2022 when U.S. authorities seized a number of the organization’s domain names. Despite the efforts of law enforcement, the project never fully went away. Z-Lib even staged an official comeback in early 2023 by working around the previous domain name issues. However, the project has been disrupted again by further FBI domain seizures.
In other words, if law enforcement seizes pirate domain names, just register new domain names and go underground on the dark web.
It is illegal in many jurisdictions since it offers pirated content and violates copyright regulations. Users are encouraged to consider the ethical implications of accessing content from platforms like Z-Library, which often involves the distribution of copyrighted materials without proper authorization.
The clone site Z-Lib charged to access its shadow library, meaning users entered their personal and financial information. That valuable cache of info made a tempting target for other thieves who hacked in and stole it.
That raises an interesting philosophical discussion: If thieves steal from other thieves, is it a crime? Or poetic justice?
Are there degrees of guilt? How would you rank these perpetrators?
Pirate sites that steal copyrighted works from authors;
Users who pay pirate sites;
Hackers that stole from the pirate site and its users?
TKZers, the floor is yours.
I’m traveling today and won’t be able to respond to comments until later.
The 34th Flathead River Writers Conferencewas October 5-6, 2024. The conference is always good, but this year was stellar with superb speakers and enthusiastic interaction among attendees.
As I drafted this post from my notes, it kept growing with more information that needed to be included. As a result, it ran way too long for a single post. So I’m dividing it into two. Today is Part 1 of the greatest hits from the event. Part 2 will follow in a couple of weeks.
Debra opened with a description of “wonder”, which she defined as “surprise mingled with admiration.” She went on to tell a story of wonder about the last Christmas she spent with her dying mother. On a peaceful Montana night, she described their visit as like “being inside a snow globe.”
Her mother said, “When I die, I’ll send you a sign. A hummingbird.” Debra went along with her mom but had her doubts. After all, hummingbirds are common at her home during summer so how would she ever know which one was the sign?
Nevertheless, after her mother passed, the following spring Debra set up many feeders and waited.
It was a strange summer. Other bird species came and went. Crows sat on the feeders. But not a single hummingbird appeared.
On the evening of her mother’s birthday in July, Debra and her husband were sitting outside and Debra said, “Well, I guess she didn’t send the sign.”
At that moment, the only hummingbird of the year appeared. It flew to Debra’s forehead and hovered for a few minutes then left.
Debra and her husband asked each other, “Did you see that? Is that what I think it was?”
With that anecdote, she summed up the magical wonder of storytelling, the conference theme.
While talking about where inspiration comes from, Debra said, “The muse is a lot of dead people who want their stories told.”
That sentence sent chills through me. Recently I’ve considered writing historical fiction. Did Debra send me a sign that it’s time to explore the past?
~~~
Danica Winters
Million-selling Harlequin romantic suspense novelist Danica Winterstold the audience, “This is not your grandmother’s bodice ripper.” Romance sales account for an astounding $1.4 billion each year.
Today’s variations are limitless: contemporary, historical, erotica, Young Adult, thriller/suspense, LGBTQ+, dark romance, paranormal, holiday, fantasy/romantasy. Even serious social issues like human trafficking find their way into romances.
Why are they so popular? Danica believes, “They are everyone’s escape. They bring joy and make people laugh. Romance is a promise. We writers are entertainers.”
Danica sells many more paperbacks than ebooks, unlike other genres where ebooks dominate. She added an interesting market detail: When Walmart changed its shelving to hold 6″ by 9″ books, that prompted publishers to shift book production to that same size because Walmart is such a huge market.
While most romance readers are women, Danica said about 20% are men, often in law enforcement and the military. Turns out even alpha males like escape, too.
~~~
Leslie Budewitz
Three-time Agatha winner Leslie Budewitz focused on crime fiction with an excellent summation of differences within the genre.
Mystery is “What Happened?”
Suspense is “What’s Happening?”
Thriller is “What Might Happen?”
Leslie has her finger on the pulse of the cozy market and talked about shifts within the genre, including a new trend of millennial cozies that include some swearing and adult language.
For a cozy, the semiofficial acceptable body count is three. So far, Leslie has only had two murders in one book.
With 19 published books, Leslie must keep track of two amateur sleuth series and multiple standalone suspense novels. She developed an ingenious system to avoid repetition of plots and characters. For each book, she creates a spreadsheet with the following headings:
Victim Killer/Method Suspects Motive VGR
What is VGR? The Very Good Reason why the amateur sleuth gets involved in a crime.
~~~
Kathy Dunnehoff
Only a truly gifted writing teacher can make grammar entertaining. That describes longtime college instructor Kathy Dunnehoff,author of bestselling romantic comedies and screenplays.
Kathy offered nuts and bolts hacks to improve writing productivity.
Measure your success by what you control, not by factors outside your control. Success is the number of words you produce.
Use a writing calendar to track production either by word count or minutes…as long as that time is spent actually writing. Watching goat yoga or doomscrolling doesn’t count.
When you don’t write, record your excuse in the calendar. Talk about making yourself accountable!
Recognize procrastination in its many disguises: research, reorganizing your office, talking about writing rather that writing, etc.
When revising, try the “Frankenstein Method” (from Jessica Brody’s Save the Cat Writes a Novel): Start a new document for the second draft, then copy and paste sections from the first draft.
There is no extra credit for suffering!
~~~
On Saturday evening, our local indie shop, the BookShelf, hosted a reception for conference attendees and speakers. Gather a bunch of writers in a bookstore and we’re more excited than dogs at the dog park. Even though people mock-complained their brains were overloaded and they were exhausted, no one wanted to leave. All that creative energy kept us buoyed and eager for the following day.
Come back here in two weeks for Part 2 of the Greatest Hits from the Flathead River Writers Conference. Highlights include freelance article writing, side hustles to supplement income from book sales, anatomy of a publicity campaign, and 16 questions an agent asks when assessing a manuscript.
~~~
TKZers: Do any of the ideas mentioned resonate with you? What is your favorite productivity hack?
~~~
Conferences are also a good venue to sell books and I did!
Fruit of the Poisonous Tree, Cover by Brian Hoffman
Today, we’re crawling down in the weeds to discuss a couple of minor details about promotion and marketing. Will these help you sell thousands of books? Nope. Probably not even hundreds. But every book sale is precious and small details matter.
Having been in business, I have decent marketing knowledge and experience. But self-promotion is a big problem for me so I’m always looking for ways to make it less awkward.
That prompted me to rethink business cards and bookmarks. Yup, I warned this post was going to be about teeny-tiny details.
Author business cards are necessary. They lend a professional tone that says you’re a serious writer. Even if you haven’t yet published any books, it’s still a good idea to have cards printed with your name and contact info (email, website address, social media handles) to give to people you meet at conferences, book events, classes, etc.
Note: for privacy and safety, I don’t recommend printing phone number or physical address on business cards. If I want a particular someone to have my number, I handwrite it on the card.
Designing cards is a trial-and-error process. Mine have gone through many iterations. I use Canva (free) to design them. I started on the cheap with plain vanilla, one sided black & white. Next upgrade, I tried a slightly fancier, glossy finish version with a background pattern of books. My name, website, and email were printed on the cute background. But for aging eyes, lack of contrast made the text too difficult to read. Then I tried color but only one side. The most recent versions are two-sided and color.
Yes, each version is progressively more expensive, but the expense is deductible.
Business cards make an important impression at conferences, signings, teaching gigs, appearances. When you meet dozens or hundreds of new people, you want to stand out so they remember you in a positive way.
A couple of years ago, I discovered thumbnails of book covers make a much stronger impression than a straight business card. People turn the card over and say: “Did you write all these books?” “Yes.” “Wow! Cool!”
Whether you have one book or many, IMHO, adding cover images to your business cards is worth the expense.
A recent design is two-sided, full color. Side 1 is my name and the kinds of writing I do (novelist, journalist, blogger), my website address, social media links, and email.
Side 2 has thumbnails of book covers and sales outlets.
Here’s a sample with six book covers.
As I kept adding to the series, the second side of the card got crowded. At eight books, there was no more room for expansion.
Hmmm, did I need to consider a larger format such as a bookmark?
Many authors give out bookmarks, but I never had because I don’t use them myself. Why should I waste money on something that likely ends up in the wastebasket?
Did I have a lesson to learn? Yes!
As an experiment, I had color bookmarks printed. One side was my name, photo, website, and where to buy books. The second side showed thumbnails of eight book covers.
Last January, Barnes and Noble opened a new store in our town and hosted signings by local authors. Hundreds of eager readers showed up because there hadn’t been a major bookstore in the area since Borders shut down in 2011.
In addition to the books on my table, I laid out business cards and bookmarks. I noticed people didn’t pick up many cards, but they did pick up bookmarks.
Maybe I needed to rethink my attitude that bookmarks are a waste of money.
With the launch of book 9, again I’d run out of space for covers.
How to feature the new book?
I put the cover of Fruit of the Poisonous Tree on one side with my name, website, and where to buy. On the second side were the covers for the rest of the books.
I started carrying a pocketful of bookmarks in addition to business cards.
Pro tip: buy clothes with pockets.
Zumba friends have always been supportive of my books. When I offered the new bookmarks at Zumba class, people snapped them up. Several women asked if they could take additional ones to give to friends and their book clubs. One is heading to Arizona for the winter and wanted to share bookmarks with her reading group there.
The pocketful I’d brought to class quickly ran out. I brought more to another Zumba class with different people. Ran out again. People I didn’t know asked questions about my books. Passersby in the gym stopped to listen to our conversations and asked for bookmarks.
Why will people turn down a business card but eagerly accept a bookmark?
Here’s the first lesson that I needed to learn:
Many readers like and use bookmarks. Because of tunnel vision, I had discounted their importance.
What I want or like doesn’t matter; what the reader wants or likes does matter.
In salesmanship, there are five steps to making a sale:
Attention.
Interest.
Desire.
Conviction.
Decision.
Bookmarks accomplish two of the five steps necessary to make a sale.
The second lesson: people perceive business cards and bookmarks in different ways.
A business card is more than an identification and contact tool. It sends a subtle psychological message. When you accept a salesperson’s card, their unspoken request is, “You are going to buy this car from me, aren’t you?”
That’s why it’s called a business card. If you take one, that indicates an interest in purchasing goods or services.
Accepting their card is their first step in breaking down a buyer’s sales resistance.
When someone doesn’t want to buy or isn’t sure, they may be reluctant to take an author’s card because they don’t want their acceptance to be perceived as a commitment that they’re going to purchase your book. The implied pressure, even though it’s slight, can leave people with an uncomfortable impression of the author.
We don’t want that!
A bookmark is different. It’s a colorful, useful gift, not an obligation to buy. It’s a friendly reminder of books they may want to read. Reading is a pleasurable activity. That leads to a positive association with the author.
We do want that!
Of course, you’d like them to buy your book, but a bookmark is accepted in a different spirit than a business card. It’s a welcoming, open-ended invitation, not a commitment.
Watch the difference in people’s reactions when you offer them a business card vs. a bookmark.
Business cards and bookmarks serve different purposes and authors do need both.
It’s too soon in my experiment to tell if bookmarks lead to more sales but so far the favorable reactions from readers lead me to believe they will. Anything that increases reader interest and engagement can’t hurt.
~~~
TKZers: Do you use business cards, bookmarks, or both? Do you notice a difference in people’s reactions? Any tips to share about effective personal contact between authors ans readers?
~~~
Cover by Brian Hoffman
Jerome Kobayashi, 80, worked long and hard to achieve his dream cherry orchard on Flathead Lake. But now someone wants to destroy that dream.
Can investigator Tawny Lindholm and attorney Tillman Rosenbaum prevent that?
In September 2023, reports were made that “star” forensic scientist Yvonne “Missy” Woods mishandled DNA evidence. In October 2023, she was placed on administrative leave. In November, 2023, after almost 30 years with the Colorado Bureau of Investigation (CBI), Woods retired to avoid termination.
“In 2014, a coworker questioned Woods’ testing of evidence in a case and reported concerns to a Technical Leader.
In 2018, Woods was accused of data manipulation. In response, she was removed from casework and given other duties pending a review of the accusation.
After the review, Woods was later reinstated.
The results of the 2018 review were not escalated to the former CBI Director or CDPS leadership.
CBI has initiated additional investigations into the circumstances surrounding the 2018 process.”
As of the date of the report, 654 cases had been identified as affected by Woods’s data manipulation. The report goes on to say:
“[The investigation] revealed that Woods manipulated data in the DNA testing process, leading to incomplete test results in certain cases. It also found she concealed her activities from the technical review process. She engaged in the deletion and alteration of data, and she failed to provide thorough documentation in case records related to certain tests performed.
While the review did not find evidence of Woods falsifying DNA matches or fabricating DNA profiles, Woods deviated from standard testing protocols and cut corners, raising concerns about the reliability of her testing.”
The investigation continues, with Woods’s cases back to 1994 being reviewed. CBI said they would not release further information because of an ongoing criminal investigation.
Parts of a November interview between Woods and investigators were played by 9News.com in July 2024. Initially, Woods’s answers were: “I don’t know” or “I don’t remember.” When asked why she altered or omitted test results, she answered, “I think I’m burned out.”
Later in the interview, her answers were more revealing:
“The implications were not even a thought and I think that for that stuff it, it was like click done, move on, click done, move on and not even, not even an additional thought…I don’t know any of these people. I don’t have any reason to pick this one and not the next one that I took forward all the way through whatever.”
[Investigator] Hassenstab asked her how she felt about what she was doing and if she felt bad about it.
Woods said, “I didn’t even think about it. I didn’t even think about it until five weeks ago.”
Five weeks ago refers to when she was removed from her position and retired shortly afterward.
According to CNN, a week after Woods’s resignation, a federal lawsuit was filed alleging James Hunter was wrongly convicted of burglary and sexual assault in 2002 based on “fabricated and false [hair] evidence” examined and tested by Woods.
Westword.com reports a lab worker recounted an incident in 2014 or 2015 when “Woods allegedly threw away fingernail clippings that were assumed to be evidence.”
Woods came in, brushed the fingernail clippings in her hand, and threw them in the biohazard or garbage bin,” the worker said, telling investigators she was “99 percent” sure the clippings were evidence.
James Karbach, director of legislative policy and external communications for Office of the State Public Defender says, “This has become about more than just one longstanding analyst tampering with evidence and deleting data, but it also is about the systemic failures of an accredited state crime lab, the people, and the processes that should have stopped this from happening over and over for years…there have likely been hundreds of public defender clients who were given intentionally manipulated data and who were prosecuted with unreliable evidence.”
Misconduct raises concerns not only of wrongful conviction, but also that guilty parties may walk free. If courts rule DNA evidence was mishandled, cases can be thrown out.
~~~
TKZers: Have you heard of other crime labs where evidence can’t be considered reliable? Does this scenario inspire story ideas? An innocent person wrongly imprisoned? A killer skates because mishandled evidence is thrown out?
~~~
Cover by Brian Hoffman
Fruit of the Poisonous Treeis a legal doctrine that says if evidence is illegally obtained, it’s not admissible in court. It’s also the title of Debbie Burke’s new thriller.
Almost 20 years ago, a giant communications company decided to outsource their phone customer service to other countries. I learned about this from a friend who worked there. The company announced massive layoffs of employees because overseas labor costs were cheaper than using American workers.
Then, to add insult to injury, those employees whose jobs were being eliminated were required to train their replacements.
Not surprisingly, outsourcing didn’t work out too well. There was massive consumer backlash because neither the customers nor the new workers could understand each other on the phone. But the damage had been done. Thousands of American workers lost their jobs and the company’s reputation took a big hit that it never recovered from.
That kind of parallels today’s situation with writers and AI.Our work is being scraped from illegal pirate sites and used to “train” AI to replace us.
Some people joke that AI (artificial intelligence) is “artificial insemination.” Writers are being screwed without receiving any enjoyment. They didn’t even buy us dinner first.
The Authors Guild (AG) has been on the forefront to try to protect writers from unauthorized use of copyrighted works to train AI. In July, 2023, they sent an open letter to the CEOs of AI giants including Open AI, Meta, Microsoft, IBM, and others with a petition signed by 15,000 authors. AG also testified before the senate, decrying pirate sites that are used by tech companies to “train” AI models.
The genie is out of the bottle. AI is here to stay. The question now is: can the genie be forced to compensate writers for their words?
Here’s an excerpt from the Authors Guild statement on AI:
“The Authors Guild believes that the right to license a work for AI training belongs to the author of the work unless the rights are expressly granted in an agreement.”
A bill called “The Generative AI Copyright Disclosure Act of 2024” is under consideration by the House of Representatives. This only requires disclosure by anyone who uses copyrighted work to train AI. It does not address fair compensation for that use.
Recently Draft2Digital (D2D) did a survey among authors, publishers, and others to determine how they felt about the use of AI and what authors would consider fair compensation for use of their work. D2D CEO Kris Austin kindly gave permission to quote from the survey results (full results at this link).
Here are some highlights:
1. “Why do authors oppose AI training?”
AI companies are unethical/untrustworthy – 25%
Harms creatives & people – 25%
Ethical Objections to AI – 19%
Other Reasons – 14%
I worked hard for my work and it’s mine – 10%
AI has no place in creative work – 8%”
2. “Do authors consider current scraping methods fair use?”
It’s not fair use – 49%
Ethically questionable – 42%
Fair use – 5%
No opinion – 3%
3. “Do authors know that AI companies might be willing to pay for training data?”
Unaware – 57%
Aware – 38%
Unsure – 5%
4. “Are authors interested in the opportunity to sell their AI training rights?”
Yes – 31%
No – 25%
Maybe – 45%
5. “Does it matter to authors how the end product LLM (large language model) will be used?”
Yes, it matters. – 76 %
Not as long as I am compensated – 22%
No opinion – 2%
The next two questions concern whether authors would consider having their work used for non-competitive markets (places that would not affect the author’s income) and competitive markets (e.g. an AI-written mystery could sell on Amazon right next to your book but at a much lower price).
6. “If the use case is non-competitive, will authors consider selling their AI training rights?”
No Amount of money will ever be enough – 49.5%
Open to non-competitive opportunities – 50.5%
Would accept less than $100 per book – 11.1%
Only if $100 or more per book – 39.3%
Only if more than $5,000 per book – 14.1%”
7. “If the use case is competitive, will authors consider selling their AI training rights?”
No amount of money will ever be enough – 62.8%
Open to competitive opportunities – 37.2%
Would accept less than $100 a book – 6.3%
Only if $100 or more per book – 30.9%
Only if more than $5,000 per book – 15.8%
Here’s a summary of D2D’s position:
D2D’S STANCE
Until we see significant reforms, especially around greater contractual protections and transparency governing use, intellectual property protections, and rights restrictions, Draft2Digital will not offer AI rights licensing opportunities.
· It’s a positive development that AI developers are seeking to pay for licenses
· Better protections are needed before D2D or its publishers can entertain such licenses
· AI training rights are an exclusive, valuable subsidiary right under the sole control of the author or publisher
· The rights-holder deserves full control over decisions related to if, when, and how their books are used or licensed for AI training purposes.
· Authors and publishers should refuse AI rights licensing contracts that are opaque, or that provide inadequate protections for author concerns
· AI developers must stop training upon books obtained without the rights-holder’s permission; otherwise, they will face continued reputational harm in the eyes of their customers and the creative community
· LLMs previously trained upon unlicensed content, and the applications built upon them, should either negotiate retroactive licensing settlements with rights holders, or scrap their LLMs and rebuild them from scratch by training upon licensed content only”
“At this time, Draft2Digital will not offer AI rights licensing opportunities.”
I believe most authors agree that compensation should be paid and payment should be retroactive to include past unauthorized use.
The devil is in the details.
· How to implement systems that detect/determine use of copyrighted material?
· How to enforce fair use?
· How much are authors paid?
· What if an author doesn’t want their work used for AI training under any circumstances?
The communications company my friend worked for treated their employees shabbily but at least they told workers in advance that they had to train their replacements.
Authors and publishers were never told in advance. Tech giants simply started using creative works without permission nor compensation to the creators. AI-written works currently flood the marketplace that was already crowded. Our incomes suffer.
We study, rewrite, and work hard to create meaningful content and deserve fair compensation.
Those devilish details will be fought out in courts for years to come.
~~~
TKZers, how do you feel about AI’s use of your creative work to train LLMs?
Please share your answers to any or all of the questions.
Please welcome a Brave Author (BA) from South Africa who submitted a first page described as “Comedic Crime/Black Comedy.” Read and enjoy then we’ll discuss.
~~~
It was an icy Monday, the day they came for him.
I’d crunched across the frost that covered the office courtyard.
I’d been reconciling the company bank statement when I felt, more than heard, a silence fall over the open plan office. Two men stood in the doorway. Plain clothes. But they had that look about them. They wore ties and reeked of government.
Millie, in reception, gestured towards the glassed-in cubicle at the end from which Primo conducted the affairs of the firm.
The men nodded as they passed our desks. Primo pushed his chair back and stood, arm stretched, hand open to greet them. A broad smile fixed on his florid face.
Was I wrong about the men?
They shut the door. I glanced around at my colleagues. Everyone was watching. Some gawked unabashed, others peered surreptitiously over the top of their PC’s. We couldn’t hear the words, but we could witness the gestures, expressions, and movements. I bet Primo regretted all the glass now. His motive was to keep an eye on us, but now we had prime seats for a mime spectacle.
Primo tapped the pack of Peter Stuyvesants on his desk, plucked out a cigarette and lit it. He took a deep drag, then with an arrogant tilt of his head, blew smoke rings to the ceiling. He waved at the two chairs, but the men kept standing. The older man spoke.
I imagined he was inwardly chanting, deny, deny, deny.
Finally, the smile slid off his face, and he slumped into his chair.
It didn’t take long.
One gent unplugged the computer and tucked the chassis under his arm with ease. The other helped Primo out of the chair.
Primo’s eyes found mine with an unblinking stare. A vein throbbed at my temple. I was a rabbit caught in the headlights. The tax tip-off line’s anonymous, but he knew. I was the only one who could know. The bookkeeper knows everything.
He walked through the office, shoulders squared, but he was stiff and lurching. He could feign innocence, but the evidence I provided was irrefutable. I looked away, but lifted my gaze to watch his retreating shape. His stink of cigarettes was now laced with the sour smell of fear.
He faltered, then looked back at me, and with an intense fevered stare, he dragged his finger across his throat in a slitting gesture.
~~~
Okay, let’s dig in. I found a lot to like about this first page. The opening sentence sets the time of year without over-describing the weather. The tone is foreboding.
By the second and third paragraphs, the first-person narrator is established as a bookkeeper for a company under investigation by government officials.
“I felt, more than heard, a silence fall over the open plan office.” That’s a fresh way to describe the auditors’ arrival, showing the palpable effect on all employees who immediately know something is very wrong. This also establishes the physical setting in a few words. Well done!
“They wore ties and reeked of government.” Another quick, efficient description.
“…the glassed-in cubicle at the end from which Primo conducted the affairs of the firm.” The honcho is quickly revealed as the probable antagonist to the “I” character.
Peter Stuyvescent cigarettes and blowing smoke rings at the ceiling are great specific details that show Primo’s arrogance. You don’t need to alsotell the reader. I suggest deleting the adjective “arrogant.”
“I bet Primo regretted all the glass now. His motive was to keep an eye on us, but now we had prime seats for a mime spectacle.” This observation by the protagonist further characterizes Primo, shows the resentment of the workers, plus raises suspense. What spectacle is unfolding? The reader is pulled in by curiosity and tension.
As Primo is being escorted out, he looks at the protagonist.
“A vein throbbed at my temple. I was a rabbit caught in the headlights…I was the only one who could know. The bookkeeper knows everything.” Skillful, economical summation of the protagonist’s role in the story problem.
Up until now, the reader knows very little about the “I” character, including the gender.
First person narrators need to slip in the character’s name, gender, age, and other pertinent details. That’s challenging to do in a way that sounds natural and doesn’t stop the story flow. BA’s voice is adept enough that I’m willing to wait a bit to learn that info.
For now, the emphasis is his/her worry. “I” blew the whistle on Primo’s misdeeds. “I” can’t maintain eye contact with Primo out of fear and/or shame. The throat-slitting gesture sends a clear threat of retribution, raising the anticipation and stakes. Primo will be back to take his revenge and “I” is scared but also feels satisfaction.
“His stink of cigarettes was now laced with the sour smell of fear.” Good sensory detail that reinforces the mood.
BA has an economical yet vivid way of setting up the location, problem, conflict, stakes, as well as introducing the protagonist and antagonist. The characterizations are well drawn with specific details and gestures that reveal far more depth than a bland driver’s license description of height, weight, hair color, etc.
My suggestions are small tweaks.
One typo: PC’s should be PCs w/o an apostrophe. S indicates plural, ‘s indicates possessive.
Suggested edit: It was an icy Monday, the day they came for Primo.Use his name rather than the vague pronoun “him.”
Original:
I’d crunched across the frost that covered the office courtyard.
I’d been reconciling the company bank statement when I felt, more than heard, a silence fall over the open plan office.
Two sentences in a row that begin with “I’d” is weak. Plus there’s a minor bump in the transition between the courtyard and office. Maybe combine the sentences.
Suggested edit: “I’d crunched across the frost that covered the courtyard, settled into my cubicle, and was reconciling the company bank statement when I felt, more than heard, a silence fall over the open plan office.”
Delete “But they had that look about them.” You show that look so you don’t need to tell it also.
Suggested edit: “Two men stood in the doorway. Plain clothes. They wore ties and reeked of government.”
Original: Was I wrong about the men?
Suggested edit: Unless this question has meaning later, I suggest you delete it b/c the narrator clearly is right about the men’s purpose.
Original: I imagined he was inwardly chanting, deny, deny, deny.
Suggested edit: I imagined Primo was inwardly chanting, deny, deny, deny.
Original: I was a rabbit caught in the headlights.
Although it wouldn’t stop me from reading, rabbit (or deer) caught in the headlights is a bit cliched. You can find a better line.
Original: “The tax tip-off line’s anonymous, but he knew.”
Suggested edit: “The tax tip-off line is anonymous” rather than “line’s”. When I first read it, I thought it was possessive rather than a contraction.
The genre is described as “comedic crime/black comedy.” This page had a foreboding tone, but I didn’t pick up on “comedic.” With the Brave Author’s skill, I expect that will be introduced soon.
Congratulations on a compelling first page that checks off many important boxes: a story problem, interesting characters in opposition, a life-altering disturbance, tension, high stakes, and a promise of more complications.
Brave Author, thanks for the chance to read this and best wishes for publication.
~~~
TKZers: What are your impressions of this first page? Would you turn the page? Any ideas or suggestions for the Brave Author?
An author’s website is their billboard to the world. This is the one-stop site where readers, potential readers, editors, agents, and others go to learn about the author and their writing.
Social media sites owned by others can ebb, flow, and sometimes disappear altogether (remember My Space?). Or they can suspend or ban your account.
Your website is your one constant showcase as an author.
That’s why it’s important to make it as welcoming, friendly, and accessible to the broadest number of visitors.
And that includes those with disabilities.
Recently on the Author’s Guild discussion thread, the topic of ADA-accessible websites came up. Rumors had started on social media that authors could be fined if their sites weren’t accessible per standards set by the Americans with Disabilities (ADA) act.
Apparently, the source behind those rumors were individuals and possibly law firms threatening suits against authors.
As far as I can tell from my research, there is no current law requiring author websites to be ADA compliant.
The ADA does require websites and mobile apps for federal, state, and local governmental bodies to be ADA compliant.
We’re all aware of the necessity for businesses and buildings that are open to the public to meet ADA requirements, such as barrier free entrances, ramps, restroom facilities, etc. Also new construction must meet ADA standards for physical accessibility with hallways wide enough for wheelchairs, etc.
But until recently I hadn’t given much thought to online accessibility.
With increasing use of websites and apps to do everyday tasks like making travel reservations, ordering merchandise and services, applying for employment, bill paying, banking, etc., consumers need to be able to actually use those online services to take care of the business of living.
What if you have low vision or are color blind? What if you can’t read the text onscreen because of poor contrast or small fonts? What if you can’t see the color images onscreen that instruct you to click here?
Despite recent successful cataract surgery, my close vision is not good even with reading glasses. I’m frustrated with online sources that feature elaborate but undecipherable fonts. Often they feature tiny text. Worse is low contrast text on a background that’s a similar color (light gray text on dark gray background). Moving icons or videos that flash past, or other quirks can make content hard to read.
I just ran across an appealing website about wine with many gorgeous professional photos. The background image is a beautiful bunch of grapes. But…the text is 6 point font in white. Small, low contrast text combined with a busy background made it challenging to read. This otherwise stunning site was a disappointment.
If I visit an author’s site and it’s difficult to navigate, I really don’t care how cool it looks. I close the window.
When authors update their websites or create new newsletters, it’s good to be mindful of various disabilities. Here’s an article from ADA.gov with potential problems to look for and suggestions for easier accessibility. Levelaccess.com offers a free color checker test.
Website builders like WordPress offer many different themes. Maybe changing the theme can make your site more welcoming. If you publish a newsletter, review sample templates to find the most attractive and readable options for fonts, background colors, and images.
Because I’m not techie, the goal of my website has always been to make it as friendly and easy to use as possible for fellow troglodytes. I use large, easily readable fonts and bold typefaces.
While I believe the concern over possible fines or lawsuits is overblown, I also don’t want my website to turn off visitors because of issues that make it difficult for those with disabilities.
When I make future updates (or have my web guy make changes), I’ll be more conscious of potential barriers to readers.
As authors, we strive to make it as easy as possible for readers to engage with us and read our work. That starts with a website that friendly to all users regardless of ability.
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TKZers: Do you have pet peeves that turn you off about a website?
Please share suggestions of how authors can make their websites friendlier.
Have a favorite site? Include a link in the comments.
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Grab Instrument of the Devil, the first book in the Tawny Lindholm Thriller series, for FREE.Offer ends soon.
Investors in Ray Brewer’s start-up company thought their money was being used to build anaerobic digesters in California and Idaho.
What is an anaerobic digester? A system that processes cow manure, breaking it down into methane gas, liquid fertilizer, and other byproducts, all of which are salable.
Methane gas can be sold as renewable energy, generating green energy tax credits. The byproducts of fertilizer and compostable materials can also be sold.
Sounds like a great solution, doesn’t it? Converting waste to an energy source and generating potential profits for investors in companies that sell the byproducts.
According to the Justice Department, starting in 2014, Brewer promoted his start-up company with ads in dairy industry publications and at renewable energy conferences.That resulted in nearly $9 million being raised.
Early investors received “profits,” except the profits were actually funds from new investors—the classic Ponzi scheme.
“Brewer also took investors on tours of dairies where he claimed he would build the digesters. And while Brewer had legitimate lease agreements with some dairies, other agreements were completely made-up.”
He further falsified documents claiming a bank had committed to lending $100 million to build the digesters. He generated bogus construction progress reports and forged a contract supposedly from a multinational corporation to buy methane and byproducts.
The digesters never existed. The entire scheme just so much hot gas.
Meanwhile, Brewer had moved investors’ money to multiple bank accounts in others’ names and used it to purchase property and expensive vehicles.
Eventually investors smelled something that could have been produced by the anaerobic digesters, if only they existed. When a civil suit was filed against Brewer, he moved to Montana and changed his identity. He also shifted money and assets into his wife’s name.
Photo credit: Hans at Pixabay
In Montana, where cows outnumber people, he attempted a similar Ponzi scheme, spreading more manure.
In 2019, the FBI and IRS opened investigations into Brewer’s operations. In 2020, he was arrested in Sheridan County, Montana but denied his true identity, saying they had the wrong man. Then he spun a tale, claiming to be a Navy veteran who’d saved the lives of soldiers during a fire.
That story turned out to be a big bubble of methane gas, too.
“Brewer ultimately pleaded guilty to wire fraud, money laundering, and identity theft charges. In June 2023, he was sentenced to six years and nine months in prison for his crimes, and ordered to pay $8.75 million in restitution to the investors who fell victim.”
Photo credit: annigje at Pixabay
Suggestion to the parole board: How about two years of supervised release mucking out dairy barns?
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Go for it, TKZers! Looking forward to your creative comments!
A Japanese-born friend recently gave me a new challenge that pushed me to closely examine how to use words, language, nuance, and idioms.
Yoshimi Yamamoto-Derkshad been asked by her former teacher to translate his writings from Japanese to English. He is a Nature Essence producer and the subject was essences, described on this website. His series of short essays was a combination of poetry and philosophy meant to expand one’s thinking and emotions in more positive directions assisted by the use of various essences.
Yoshimi Yamamoto-Derks
Yoshimi also works with flower essences, as described on her website Inspired Energy Healing. In this photo, she demonstrated her techniques to me in the middle of a canola field in full bloom.
Yoshimi Yamamoto-Derks and Debbie Burke
When we initially talked about her translating job Yoshimi explained some concepts were already difficult to comprehend even in her native tongue. She asked me, “If Japanese people have a hard time understanding, how can people who speak English understand?”
Simply plugging Japanese characters into Google Translate to change the words to English wouldn’t work. A simple translation like “Where is the restroom?” is concrete and straightforward. But philosophical and emotional concepts are intangible and difficult to verbalize.
Yoshimi’s comprehension of English is excellent, especially in subtle differences of tone and nuance. But she was struggling with effective ways to express her teacher’s poetic writings. After she translated his essays from Japanese to English, she asked me to review the English version for comprehension and readability.
She sent a four-page Word doc which I red-penned, rearranging sentences for clarity and flow, deleting or changing a few words. But I still had a number of questions, so we met in person to discuss them.The screen shot below is blurry but shows the many strikethroughs, as we reworked the descriptions.
Each essence has a name that describes its purpose. For instance, the essence “Mercury 360 Degrees” improves communication. “360 degrees” refers to the ability to look in every direction for understanding.
Yoshimi’s initial translation read: “As if today were the very first day it was born, communication between people and between beings flows directly.”
The subject of the sentence needed to be more specific than “it.” We decided it meant communication and the writer was describing how communication begins. After rearranging the word order, we came up with: “If today were the first day of birth, communication flows directly between people and between beings.”
The next paragraph was more difficult: “Be free from any influences and transcend the filters of the world I create, and just to listen from anyone, and to create relationships in a new paradigm beyond illusion.”
We split those thoughts into two sentences and used parallel construction to make them easier to understand.
“Transcend the filters of the world I create to be free from any influences. Listen to everyone and create relationships in a new paradigm beyond illusion.”
Another essence name was “Respectful Concession.”
Original version: “Not to forget respect equally to everyone who you encounter and see.”
That one was easy: “Remember to equally respect everyone you encounter.”
Flame Sword essence said: “I cannot stay as I am. I would like to accomplish myself.”
Hmm. How does one accomplish oneself? In Japanese, the phrase works. But in English, the verb accomplish acts on the object myself, which doesn’t make grammatical sense.
Revision: “I cannot stay as I am. Without accomplishment, I cannot complete myself.”
The description goes on: “Burning away everything that appears in my path without hesitation, an unstoppable flame of complete accomplishment.”
After reworking: “An unstoppable flame of accomplishment burns everything in my path without hesitation.”
The next section titled “Retraction” was particularly tough:
“I have been bound by what I said and swore previously, remove the wedge from the ‘castle in the sand’ that I have built upon it.
Retract all what I said and swore that had created my world, and return to ‘myself’ that it is possibility itself.”
A comma splice in the first sentence joined two distinct thoughts that didn’t link to each other.
The first was how past statements restrict present thoughts and ideas. Okay, that’s easy enough.
But the “wedge” and “the castle in the sand that I have built upon it” stumped us. What did wedge mean? Driving a wedge into sand didn’t make sense because as soon as the wedge is removed, sand immediately fills the empty space. A castle built on sand indicates a lack of strong structure to support it. Was the wedge meant to represent a metaphorical Jenga game? Could a wedge be removed without the whole sandcastle falling down?
Yoshimi texted the writer in Japan, which is 15 hours ahead of our location in Montana, and asked him what he meant. A short time later, he texted back a photo of the interior wood framing of a building. An arrow pointed at the wedge, which is evidently Japanese construction jargon for a support piece that holds framing together.
He also included an example sentence: The business plan was built like a castle upon sand.
Okay, that matched our initial impression of a flimsy, unstable foundation. Once we removed the troublesome word “wedge” from the concept, it made much more sense in English.
Revision: “I have been bound by what I said and swore previously. I built a world out of illusions and now I must repeal those illusions to return to the possibility of myself.”
We also changed the section name from “Retraction” to “Repeal.”
Blue Dragon Eyes essence helps to:
“Discern what is not me and cut away and purge unnecessary energy.”
Because energy is generally perceived as a positive quality, the adjective unnecessary gave the wrong connotation. We consulted the online Thesaurus for better descriptors. We found superfluous, excessive, needless, exorbitant, etc. None sounded right.
I mentioned the English idiom of “spinning one’s wheels.” That means expending energy uselessly while accomplishing nothing. Yoshimi agreed that was the correct concept. We kept digging deeper in the Thesaurus. Unproductive, pointless, wasted, unprofitable. We finally settled on two possibilities: Unproductive or fruitless (which was more in keeping with the poetic style).
Yoshimi’s final revision: “Discern what is not me. Cut away and purge unproductive energy.”
The last example turned out to be funny.
Essence name: “Start to Create the New World.”
“You pen visions you truly desire.”
To me, you pen visions means that you write down your deepest wishes to help make them come true. I explained thatpen can be used as a verb in a poetic, somewhat archaic way to say write. For about 10 minutes, we talked about how to preserve the poetry in the writer’s thoughts yet still be clear to the reader.
Then Yoshimi reread the sentence again. “Oh!” she said. “That’s a typo. Pen should read Open.” We had a good laugh over how one small typo can inadvertently take on significance that was never meant.
After more than two hours, we had taxed our brains to the max.
As TKZers are aware, expressing yourself in your native language is challenging enough. Trying to understand and accurately interpret idioms, jargon, shades of meaning, nuances, and connotations is difficult. Converting them to a different language requires a whole ‘nother level of concentration and contemplation.
Even one word can change the meaning of a sentence. “Purge unnecessary energy” is quite different from “Purge unproductive energy.”
This exercise taught me insights into divergent thought patterns and styles of expression. Explaining the subtle underlying meanings of words and ideas forced to me sharpen my own verbal skills to make my explanations clear, accurate, and understandable.
Years ago, I worked at a business with mostly Spanish-speaking employees. One day, a young man named Ricardo was trying to describe how angry the business owner had been with an especially troublesome customer. Ricardo said, “The boss look like he was going to eat him.” You couldn’t say it more clearly and vividly than that!
One final essence is called “Repose in Dream.”
After our brain workout, Yoshimi and I both reposed well in dreams that night.
~~~
TKZers: If you speak another language, what concepts, words, or jargon do you find difficult to express?
Please share your favorite idioms.
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Limited time Summer Special! Try Instrument of the Devil, the first book in the Tawny Lindholm Thriller series for FREE! If you like it, binge on more fast-moving adventures featuring the spirited, intrepid investigator.
Vilde Odmundson, designer., CC BY-SA 4.0 <https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/4.0>, via Wikimedia Commons
Deadline. The very word strikes fear. It promises dire consequences if it’s missed. If your work isn’t finished by the boss’s deadline, you’re fired. If your past due payments aren’t received by the deadline, the bank repossesses your car. If you ignore the IRS tax deadline, your life becomes a living hell.
What are the origins of the dreaded word deadline?
The earliest known uses date back to the 1800s, where the Oxford English Dictionary discovered the usage of “dead-line” in reference to a fishing line with a weight on it to prevent it from moving. In the early 1900s, the word was used in the printing industry as the name of a boundary line on a printing press, beyond which text will not print.
The most gruesome use of the term apparently originated at the notorious Andersonville POW camp during the Civil War.
[Camp commandant Captain Henry] Wirz added the so-called “deadline.” This was a literal line of wooden planks or fences placed about 20 feet inside from the outer walls. Orders were given to the guards that any man who crossed the deadline, even by a hair, would be shot on sight without warning.
If a writer misses a deadline, the editor/publisher can’t shoot you, but your career may be dead. They will remember your name, and not in a good way.
Deadlines are important. My professional writing career launched because a friend couldn’t make her deadline and recommended me as a substitute to the editor. That began a long, fruitful relationship with a respected magazine.
Waking up in the middle of the night, realizing my TKZ post is due that morning, is a horrible feeling I don’t want to repeat. I’m compulsive about deadlines (some say anal) and usually turn in stories ahead of time.
That early-bird mentality means editors sometimes call and say: “Hey, I need 750 words by Thursday. Can you do it?”
Yup. Those rush jobs are paychecks that I otherwise wouldn’t have received.
External deadlines are powerful motivators, especially for newer writers. They build discipline and accountability.I need to write 10 pages for critique group on Tuesday. I have to finish that short story/poem/play to meet the contest deadline next week.
Writers who self-publish often struggle because they don’t have that external deadline. When we impose a deadline on ourselves, we can come up with a gazillion reasons to put it off. But are those reasons or excuses?
Side note: A recent hot topic on the Authors Guild discussion thread has been about launching a book around election time. Some authors are asking their publishers to delay their release dates until after November, fearing their books will get lost in political furor. Books already have a tough enough time attracting reader and media attention. This reason may be worth considering if you plan a book launch in the next few months.
Since going indie, my goal has been to publish at least one book per year, and I’ve met that with eight books since 2017.
But…more than a year has passed since April 2023 when the last book, Deep Fake Double Down, was released.
Cover by Brian Hoffman
The ninth book, Fruit of the Poisonous Tree, has not met my self-imposed deadline.
Readers keep asking when the new book is coming out. That’s a wonderful problem to have! But I don’t like my vague answers.
In the spring I said, “Summer.”
Then I updated to “Labor Day” because that marks an annual event with other Montana authors, described in posts here and here.
In early July, I looked at the calendar and realized how quickly September 1 was coming up.
I still had to finish the book, edit, get feedback from beta readers, make corrections, format, upload, receive and review a proof. Printing books takes four to six weeks, if there aren’t delays. All that had to be done by Labor Day. Aargh!
I raced through the climax and did a fast edit. I explained the urgency to beta readers and gave them a chance to say no. They are all wonderful friends, but a week turnaround is a damn big ask. Several understandably declined because of their own deadlines. The rest agreed. They came through and offered great suggestions.
But…one long-time critique partner sat me down and said, “Deb, this isn’t as good as your other books. You rushed it and it shows. You’re too good a writer to put this out for your readers. They’ll be disappointed.”
Whap!
Other betas had alluded to some problems, but I deceived myself into thinking they were easy fixes to be whipped out in a day or two.
Nope.
My friend and I spent the next three hours at her dining room table going through the marked-up manuscript. She was 100% right–the problems went deep.
Actually, I’d sensed that all along but pushed my concerns aside because I was fixated on meeting the Labor Day deadline.
Her critique made me think. How important, really, is that deadline?
If the new book isn’t available to sell at the annual event, what are the consequences?
No one dies.
I still have eight other books on the table. If I lose a handful of sales, so what? I’ll have postcards printed of the new book cover and people can sign up for my newsletter to be notified of the pub date.
In other words, missing this deadline doesn’t matter, except to my pride.
If I make the deadline but put out a substandard book, in the long run, I’ll lose more readers than I gain.
I never want people to think, “Gee, she used to be pretty good, but she’s sure gone downhill.”
An old saying goes: “There’s never time to do it right but there’s always time to do it over.”
Not for books. For them, a different saying applies: “You never get a second chance to make a first impression.”
Deadlines teach good work habits and keep writers from procrastinating. But they can also be blinders that prevent an author from recognizing and fixing problems with their work.
Thankfully my friend yanked those blinders off and made me see what was really important.
As I work on the rewrites,I give thanks she was honest with me.
When will Fruit of the Poisonous Tree be ready?
I dunno. A week, a month, three months? Whatever time it takes to be the best I can make it.
The day after I resigned myself to giving up the Labor Day deadline, the other two authors emailed me about our upcoming book appearance. Construction has closed a bridge which cuts off one of only two roads into the little village of Bigfork. The other road will be occupied that weekend by a major car show. Parking is a mile-plus hike and access for those with disabilities will be next to impossible.
Due to these logistic issues, we decided to skip doing the event this year. What a relief from the frantic push I’d been making since the beginning of July!
Deadlines are great unless they force you to make a choice between speed and quality. They often give a much-needed nudge to finish. But this experience taught me to follow my instincts rather than the calendar.
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TKZers: Do deadlines help your writing?
Has a deadline ever caused you to publish a story that was below your expectations? Please share your experience.
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Until Fruit of the Poisonous Tree is published, the other eight books in the Tawny Lindholm Thriller series are for sale at all online booksellers.
A recent design is two-sided, full color. Side 1 is my name and the kinds of writing I do (novelist, journalist, blogger), my website address, social media links, and email.
As an experiment, I had color bookmarks printed. One side was my name, photo, website, and where to buy books. The second side showed thumbnails of eight book covers.
I put the cover of 
Recently Draft2Digital (D2D) did a survey among authors, publishers, and others to determine how they felt about the use of AI and what authors would consider fair compensation for use of their work. D2D CEO Kris Austin kindly gave permission to quote from the survey results (full results at this 
