Category Archives: #amwriting

Beach Blonde Betrayal

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By Elaine Viets

Let me tell you about my new Florida mystery, Beach Blonde Betrayal.  Yes, I came up with that tongue-twister of a title, and I’m already tripping over it

The second book in my Florida Beach series explores some favorite themes: love, trust, and betrayal. Especially betrayal, by friends and lovers. Because this mystery is set in Florida, it’s chockfull of colorful characters.

It also has Florida Men, Florida Women and plenty of Florida weirdness. In fact, that’s how the mystery starts. Here’s a sneak preview of the first chapter:

Chapter 1 (excerpt)

Dean and I were debating our favorite subject: Florida weirdness. There was another murder, and it was gruesome, even for the Sunshine State.

I should know. I’m Norah McCarthy, a genuine Florida native, and I own the Florodora apartments. My apartment building is on the ocean in Peerless Point, halfway between Fort Lauderdale and Miami. Thanks to the perfect weather, the beach was swarming with tourists, so we retreated inland. Today, Dean and I were crunching on the pea gravel path along a canal in Peerless Park.

Dean lives in the apartment next to mine. He’s not only my tenant. He’s my lover, boyfriend, whatever the word is now. Dean is a sunbaked golden brown, with broad shoulders and naturally streaked blond hair. Definitely a stud muffin.

I also admire his fine mind. But not this time. Now he was flat-out wrong.

“It’s disgusting,” Dean said. “She should have been taken away and shot.”

“She’s not to blame,” I said. “What she did was natural.”

“Eating her own children?” Dean said. “You think that’s natural? On Mother’s Day?”

“Alligators don’t celebrate Mother’s Day.”

The headline that shocked Dean was “Florida Gator Eats Offspring on Mother’s Day.” Some innocent tourists, expecting to see Disney moments on their Everglades tour, photographed the gruesome scene. They were stunned that the alligator would eat her kids in front of their kids.

 “It’s a metaphor for the whole state,” he said.

“I won’t argue with that,” I said.

“Nothing in Florida is normal,” he said.

With that, Dean was shoved out of the way by a muscular woman pushing a baby stroller that held a tiny Chihuahua. I never got used to people hauling dogs around in strollers.

“See?” he said. “Exhibit A just charged by.”

I felt I should defend my native state. “Did you get a close look at that poor dog? It was so old it had a white muzzle. Plus it had a bandage on its paw. The woman was being kind.”

“Not to me,” Dean said, rubbing his elbow where the dog woman had clipped him.

I playfully kissed his muscular arm, and he laughed.

It was a warm January afternoon, and I wore my favorite yellow sundress and had my long, dark hair up in a ponytail. Dean had on shorts and a stylish Hawaiian shirt embroidered on the pocket with a toucan sitting in a cocktail glass.

I much preferred the ocean to the canal. Florida canals ranged from floating trash dumps to sylvan scenes. This one was somewhere in between. Foam cups and chip bags floated along the weedy edge, which was lined with green scum.

Across the canal, I spotted a glamorous older woman in a red picture hat walking a black cat on a red leash. She had perfectly cut white hair and a stylish red pantsuit. She made age seem like an achievement.

I pointed at her. “See, Dean. Not everything in South Florida is crazy. Look at that woman walking her cat.”

The black cat with green eyes trotted along the canal path, then suddenly stopped, ears alert.

“Vanessa!” woman said. “Come along. Don’t dilly-dally.”

“There,” I said. “When’s the last time you heard someone say ‘dilly-dally’?”

With that, an alligator, evil and prehistoric, slid out of the scummy green water on the canal’s edge, and lumbered toward the woman and her cat. The gator’s gaping jaws revealed cruel yellow teeth.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Vanessa,” the woman shrieked, and yanked on the cat’s leash. The dark furball refused to move. It dug in, arched its back and hissed at the armored beast. The gator could swallow Vanessa in one bite.

“That alligator is going to attack,” I said.

“We can’t do anything,” Dean said. “The canal is too wide for us to cross.”

We watched helplessly, unable to stop the carnage.

Then out of nowhere, a man wearing the Day-Glo vest of a park employee and carrying a pointed metal-tipped trash stick ran straight for the gator and speared it in the eye. The gator bellowed and thrashed as the man stuck the gator in the other eye, and then jabbed the beast in its nostrils.

I winced. I had no sympathy for the gator, but the eye-jabbing made me queasy. Did the man blind the creature? I couldn’t tell. The gator backed off but stayed defiantly on the bank, holding its ground and thrashing its tail.

“Why isn’t the gator going back into the canal, where it would be safe, Dean?”

He shrugged. “Like I said, nothing in this state is normal.”

“Look!” I said. “A TV crew is taping the battle. And that’s Carol Berman.”

The petite brown-haired reporter was a south Florida star, and seemingly fearless. She approached the chaotic scene wearing open-toed sandals that I thought were way too close to the gator’s whipping tail and snapping jaws.

Now I heard the howl of police sirens, while the speared gator hissed and thrashed and the white-haired woman struggled to hang onto her squirming cat. Vanessa, determined to go after her attacker, lashed her tail and sent the woman’s hat sailing in to the canal.

Two police officers ran up, guns drawn, and shooed Carol and the woman away from the gator while the rescuer stood guard with his metal-tipped stick.

“Why doesn’t the cop shoot the gator, Dean?” I asked.

“Can’t,” Dean said. “The cop has to call SNAP.”

“The federal food assistance program?”

“Nope, SNAP, the Statewide Nuisance Alligator Program.”

Fifteen minutes later, a gator trapper, dressed in camo, pulled up in a pickup. He jumped out and easily subdued the hissing alligator, quickly wrapping its jaws in silver duct tape. The park employee helped the trapper carry the struggling reptile to the trapper’s pickup.

Meanwhile, Carol, the perky TV reporter, was interviewing bystanders. We could hear her talking to Vanessa’s owner. I knew who she was as soon as I heard her name: Abigail Peachtree, one of the richest women in Florida.

“Vanessa is my child,” Abigail said. “I can’t thank this man enough for saving my baby.”

“Just doing my job, ma’am,” the cat rescuer said. His voice had a soft southern accent. He looked down at his boots and did everything but say, “Aw, shucks.”

Carol stuck a mic in the man’s face and asked, “What’s your name?”

“Gil Shecker,” he said. Gil was about five feet ten and wiry, with a dark shirt, worn jeans and boots that were down at the heels. His rough skin was burned deep red. Gil had hair like a handful of straw. Everything about him said “country.”

“Can you tell us what happened?” Carol asked.

 

 

 

 

 

 

“I was picking up trash over there under those trees.” Gil waved an arm toward a cluster of palm trees. “And I heard the commotion. I saw that gator going for that lovely lady’s cat.”

I swear, Abigail simpered like a southern belle.

“I didn’t have a real weapon, but I had my stick, and it was nice and sharp. So I just rushed on over there and did what I had to do. It wasn’t no big deal.”

Abigail interrupted. “But it was. You saved us, and I’m so grateful.”

***

Did Gil really save Abigail? Or was the daring rescue a set-up? Why was the TV camera conveniently on the spot?

Abigail the heiress rewards Gil handsomely for saving her cat. That reward that leads to betrayal, a broken romance and murder.

 

Beach Blonde Betrayal will be published July 7 as a hardcover, audio book and ebook. Pre-order your copy  of this sun-soaked mystery from your favorite indie bookstore, including Left Bank Books in my hometown of St. Louis  https://tinyurl.com/44tt2pr9. Other outlets include  Amazon https://tinyurl.com/yc7h5vfy, and Thrift Books https://tinyurl.com/99hctxvs

Enjoy!

 

Write What You Know

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Write what you know. We’ve all heard that line so many times that it’s become a cliché, and we usually take it to mean writing about things we personally know and understand. Except…using that definition would stop me in my tracks since I write about villains who kill others, and I have no knowledge whatsoever of murdering anyone.

My personal take on the phrase is to write the emotions I know and research the rest. Then let the research settle in my mind so I can pull it out when I need it. A good example of this is when I sat down to start my first Natchez Trace Park Ranger novel. I stared at the blinking cursor on the blank page for a good two days. It was as if everything I knew about writing had suddenly deserted me.

I paced a bit, got a cup of coffee, thumbed through a couple of craft books, and then remembered, write what you know. Okay, what did I know and what did I need to know about the story? Before I can begin any story, I have to know my characters, since they drive the plot.

That’s where I started — fleshing them out. And hit a wall. My heroine is a law enforcement park ranger, something I only know about from observing from afar. I have no personal information about the job. But I do know how to interview park rangers. I stopped at the nearest headquarters and met the top Natchez Trace Park law-enforcement ranger, and we talked a good while. I learned that all NTPRs were LEOs, and that meant a significant change in the story. She gave me her email address, and we communicated back and forth until I felt I had a handle on my heroine.

My hero is in the undercover Investigative Services Branch of the National Park Service. Since there aren’t many of them, I went about my research a little differently. Again, I went the interview route (don’t be afraid to ask for interviews — people love to talk about what they do). I interviewed a couple of retired undercover cops with the Mississippi Narcotics Bureau and read the bio of another two undercover agents.

When you know nothing about a subject, find someone who does or a book they’ve written.

Then there was the setting. I had never been to Natchez, so that meant a trip. Natchez is one beautiful small city. I stayed long enough to know the routes I needed and to photograph different places where crimes would occur. I also ate at all the local restaurants, including Jughead’s and Fat Mama’s Tamales — you know those places show up in the series.

So far I’m only writing what I’ve researched. Where does what I already know come into play?

The real meat of writing what I know comes into play with my characters’ emotions. Like I said earlier, I’ve never killed anyone or even plotted to kill someone, although I have had fantasies have plotted to get my own way about something. Haven’t you?

When I was much younger, I thought I knew what was best for almost everyone, and proceeded to plan the details. It’s only in looking back that I can see how wrong I was. But I vividly remember my single-minded focus to get my way. Creating characters with that blind ambition works for your protagonists as well as your villains.

Another thing that helps is remembering how it felt as a child or teenager to get caught doing something wrong, or the emotions I went through when I covered up my wrongdoing. How I justified what I was doing and rationalized it even to myself. These are emotions we are all familiar with, and can pour into our characters. And not just antagonists—let your protagonists wrestle with blind ambition. They’re also flawed, after all.

In writing what you know, remember your own greatest desires and fears. Maybe you’re afraid of spiders—you can infuse that fear into a character. I was locked in a closet once and didn’t like being in enclosed places as a kid. Still don’t. My heroine hates being in a place she can’t easily escape from. It was easy describing how she felt because I knew it.

I still remember as a child when we had indoor plumbing installed in our house and lying in two inches of water in the new bathtub, thinking that when I grew up, I was going to fill the bathtub to the rim. My dad’s reason for only two inches? More water costs more money, something we didn’t have much of. That desire drove me for a lot of years. Give your characters that kind of drive.

Dig deep and take your experiences, your hurts, your fears, your desires, and write them into your characters. Then, you will have believable characters that readers can identify with. Even your villains. That’s where writing what you know comes into play.

 

First Page Critique – Digging Up the Dirt

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by Debbie Burke

Today let’s welcome another Brave Author who submitted a first page for critique, genre described as “Comedic (Cosy – not so cosy) Crime.” Please read and enjoy then we’ll open the discussion.

Title: Digging up the dirt

‘Some secrets won’t stay buried.’ Myrtle’s mouth twitches, not quite a smile; there’s a malicious glee in her delivery.

Some secrets won’t stay buried — and I’m looking at the person most likely to make sure of it.

Her words land like a promise.

She’s itching to unearth what’s been hidden. To watch what crawls out and enjoy the look on everyone’s faces when it does.

She’s insane to believe that by betraying us she won’t expose herself.

Why couldn’t our investor, predator, blackmailer — call her what you like — have been Bob? Someone with the temperament of a Labrador, willing to please for a mere pat on his head.

Myrtle’s opportunistic and slippery as a catfish hauled from our Riviersvalleij river.

‘When did Constable Maritz take Sylvie away?’ I ask.

‘This morning.’ Her smile deepens.

I control the urge to slap her smug face; demand back the purloined shop keys and replace the locks.

She crams a fat wedge of Sylvie’s banana-bread into her mouth, then swigs back the dregs of a cappuccino. Both of which she’s helped herself to after letting herself into our shop.

I look around, spying the basket of homemade nougat wrapped in silvery cellophane, its ends twisted by Sylvie’s deft hands. The nougat has the same stretchiness as the Prestik that glues my scribbled genre labels on the shopworn bookshelves. Our combined distinctive minutiae are everywhere. How dare Myrtle think she’s welcome to claim part of our bookshop cafe.

It’s ours — mine and Sylvie’s.

Her earlier threatening suggestion that Sylvie’s doomed to spend time behind bars and I’ll be grateful for her help has lit an inferno inside me. The old me might have wilted, but she’s underestimated the power of our bond. If we’re going down, I’m bloody well dragging Myrtle with us.

Constable Maritz has carted Sylvie off to confiscate a sample of our dog food. Someone complained food isn’t fit for consumption.

This batch is to have ‘Happy belly – Healthy heart’ as a tagline. Sylvie’d conjured that up based on the resveratrol found in red wine. This time, the, shall I call it meat, lay marinating in a vat of wine for seven days. Let’s pray Sylvie didn’t claim the meat to be pork or horse, or whatever’s usually used in raw dog food. That would be a misrepresentation.

It’s the source of the meat that’s the problem.

It’ll land us in jail.

~~~

Kudos on a flash-bang first sentence! Great job beginning the scene in media res. The conflict is immediately shown without any backstory dump. Myrtle’s character is quickly established as gloating, threatening, and manipulative.

I suggest a slight rewrite:

‘Some secrets won’t stay buried.’ Myrtle’s mouth twitches, not quite a smile; there’s a with malicious glee in her delivery.

Some secrets won’t stay buried — and I’m looking at the person most likely to make sure they’re uncovered of it.

Repetition is not needed and dilutes the impact of the compelling first sentence.

The following line packs a lot into a few words:

“She’s insane to believe that by betraying us she won’t expose herself.”

This describes the situation (an apparent conspiracy), the stakes (if their secrets are exposed, they’re at risk), and a serious rift among characters. Good job! 

The voice is humorous and snarky with high tension lurking just below the surface. The author classified this story as “Comedic (Cosy – not so cosy) Crime” and that accurately nails the tone.

However, the next paragraph lost me.

“Why couldn’t our investor, predator, blackmailer — call her what you like — have been Bob? Someone with the temperament of a Labrador, willing to please for a mere pat on his head.”

Investor, predator, blackmailer is an excellent summation of Myrtle that explains her involvement.

But who the heck is Bob?

That distracted and confused me. My mind went off on a tangent wondering what role Bob plays and even thinking he might be the dog.

Then the focus shifts back to Myrtle who’s as “slippery as a catfish hauled from our Riviersvalleij river.” Wonderful description but it feels overdone, coming right on top of the comparison with the eager-to-please Lab.

At this point, the author needs to slow down a bit and let the reader catch a breath. Give them time to become grounded in this world.

Too much backstory slows pace, but too little confuses the reader.

I suggest cutting the paragraph about Bob and saving it for later. For now, keep the focus on Myrtle and the narrator.

The next paragraphs do a fine job of slipping in the setting without stopping the action, but tend to be a bit too complex in places.

“I control the urge to slap her smug face; demand back the purloined shop keys and replace the locks.”

That requires the reader to shift chronological gears mid-sentence. In the present, the narrator wants to slap her. In the past, it’s implied Myrtle has stolen the keys and let herself in. In the future, the narrator plans to change the locks.

Those details are good because they further build Myrtle’s character, as well as establish the narrator’s resentment. But I had to reread the sentence a couple of times to understand it. I suggest simplifying the chronology and getting rid of the semicolon.

Here’s another sentence that’s hard to comprehend: 

“Her earlier threatening suggestion that Sylvie’s doomed to spend time behind bars and I’ll be grateful for her help has lit an inferno inside me.”

I suggest breaking this into shorter sentences:

Myrtle’s threats light an inferno inside me. How dare she imply Sylvie could go to prison, then expect me to be grateful for her help? 

The next two sentences effectively summarize the narrator’s character, relationships, motivations, and goals:

“The old me might have wilted, but she’s underestimated the power of our bond. If we’re going down, I’m bloody well dragging Myrtle with us.”

Well done!

Then the author reveals a provocative detail: the mystery meat used to make dog food sold by the shop is illegal.

Hmm. I can’t help but think of the barbecue in Fried Green Tomatoes.

I’m curious about the setting. The use of single quotes for dialogue and the spelling of “cosy” signals British or Australian. “Prestik” is a rubber-based, reusable, adhesive putty made in South Africa. Eventually I’d like to know more about the location but the plot is intriguing enough that I’m willing to wait.

A dynamite first sentence grabs the reader’s attention. The situation unfolds quickly with blackmail, betrayal, and potential criminal charges. As a reader, I want to learn answers that may turn out to be gruesome.

Brave Author, I really enjoyed the dark, humorous tone of this page, but I suggest you slow down a bit and simplify some sentences. You pack in so much detail that, at times, it becomes overwhelming and a little confusing.

Overall, it’s well written and intriguing. 

Thanks for submitting!

~~~

TKZers: what is your impression of this first page? Do you want to dig deeper in the dirt?

~~~

 

“Authors of any genre will benefit by using this book to take a deeper dive into the antagonist of their story.” — James Scott Bell

“You will certainly find insight and inspiration to make your villains leap off the page and haunt your readers’ dreams.” – Christopher Vogler, The Writer’s Journey: Mythic Structure for Writers

 

 

Build multi-dimensional antagonists who fascinate and frighten readers in The Villain’s Journey – How to Create Villains Readers Love to Hate. 

Buy at Bookshop.org

Also in paperback and hardcover at 

Amazon

Barnes & Noble 

Your Antagonist’s Response to Fear

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When we think of fear as a response, we often think of the protagonist. Well-rounded villain’s also feel fear. Rarely discussed but equally important. Please help me welcome back our friend, Becca Puglisi, to discuss just that. And look — a new book in the Emotional Thesaurus series! This series rocks. IMO, it belongs on every writer’s bookshelf. Welcome, Becca!

When we talk about debilitating fears in storytelling, the focus is mostly on how it impacts the protagonist. We build stories around their fear—the way it binds and constricts them, how they gradually become aware of it, and their journey to eventually facing and defeating it. This process is essentially a change arc, and it applies to most protagonists.

But we don’t often talk about fear’s impact on antagonists. And we should, because fear is also limiting, motivating, and transformative for these characters.

What’s interesting, though, is the antagonist’s relationship with and response to fear isn’t like a protagonist’s at all. Villains and other adversaries will claim they’re impervious to fear, but this just isn’t true. Everyone feels fear, and characters who deny it are wearing a mask that shows them as strong, powerful, and in control. It’s often their refusal to remove that mask that ultimately leads to their undoing.

So let’s look at how protagonists and antagonists differ in their treatment of this universal emotion.

The Protagonist’s Fear Arc

These characters are often aware of their greatest fear because it’s kept close via emotional shielding, like a thick cloak they pull around themselves. The material is heavy and restrictive but functions as a constant reminder that threats are always near and something to be wary of.

At some point in the story, though, the protagonist’s shoulders begin to ache. They feel encumbered and overheated. They’re limited by the cloak’s weight, forced to give up opportunities too difficult or risky to tackle in their state.

One day it hits them that they’re unhappy, and if they didn’t have this burden, they might feel lighter and find it easier to get around. It’s not easy, but they make the choice to let the cloak fall, even though it exposes them. They understand that while life contains danger and emotional risk, letting go of fear leads to freedom, self-empowerment, and joy.

The fear pattern for protagonists: Fear starts as protection, but the character soon learns it’s also limiting. Deep unhappiness from unmet needs forces awareness. The character chooses to be vulnerable and cast aside fear so growth can occur.

The Antagonist’s Fear Arc

For antagonists, much is the same. The weight of their fear is just as heavy, and they wear the cloak for the same reason their counterparts do. But when their unhappiness surfaces, they become resentful and angry that what they want is out of reach. Rather than remove their cloak, they cinch it tighter and continue to manipulate situations, control people, and steal power to achieve their goals. Their inability to let go of their fear and accept emotional risk as a part of life ultimately destroys them.

The fear pattern for antagonists: Fear begins as protection, but it also limits. Unhappiness and unmet needs spark resentment. The character clings to fear for a sense of control, but it makes them weaker and imprisons them, resulting in failure.

This is how fear causes an antagonist to perceive events and people differently than a protagonist, leading to vastly disparate actions and choices. We see this at work when we compare the hero and villain from Stephen King’s Rita Hayworth and Shawshank Redemption (spoilers ahead).

In 1947, banker Andy Dufresne is framed for his wife’s murder and lands in Shawshank State Prison. Everyone and everything there is controlled by Samuel Norton, a corrupt religious fanatic who believes harsh discipline is the way to inmate salvation. The irony is that the warden uses his position to commit a host of crimes. He takes a shine to Andy for his banking and accounting knowledge and uses him to embezzle money and commit tax fraud. As warden, he’s the king, and his greatest fear is losing his power and control.

Andy is determined to prove his innocence, but he’s repeatedly victimized in the brutal prison system. He earns protection when the warden realizes what Andy can do for him, but this means trading one form of pain for another, since Andy’s fate now depends on protecting the warden and hiding his criminal activities. Along the way, Andy’s greatest fear develops: becoming institutionalized and losing all sense of himself and the will to fight for his innocence.

Andy and the warden handle their fear in different ways. Andy pushes against fear by holding onto hope that he will eventually be free. He finds small joys to sustain him—reading, carving, building a library for the inmates, encouraging higher education, and planning his escape. The warden feeds his own fear by using intimidation and violence to run the prison and force Andy to help hide his crimes. From his position of authority, he consolidates power and deploys cruelty, even murder, to neutralize threats.

Andy is innocent, and the warden knows it. But once he declares that he’ll never let Andy go, Andy knows it’s time to “get busy living or get busy dying.” If he doesn’t escape, he’ll never leave Shawshank, and his hope will die with him.

Andy uses the tunnel he’s been digging for over a decade to get away, but not before stealing the warden’s ledger. Once free, he sends evidence of the warden’s activities to the authorities, who come for him at Shawshank. Rather than face accountability for his crimes, the warden ends his life.

These two characters are bookends, one using the fear of hopelessness to push him to risk everything and gain freedom, and the other using a fear of exposure to push him to do anything to hoard power and control. Fear impacts both characters the same way, but they respond to it differently.

Common Antagonistic Responses to Fear

Just like every protagonist is unique, the same is true of villains, which means they each will react to fear in their own way. Here are some ways an antagonist driven by a deep fear may respond.

· Never becoming aware of it

· Actively refusing to acknowledge it

· Accepting it as something beneficial that should be nurtured

· Using unacceptable or unethical methods to keep their biggest fear from being realized

· Redefining their moral code as needed to keep their worst fear from happening

· Weaponizing other people’s fears against them

A hero is only as strong as the antagonist standing in their way. To make that adversary truly formidable, ask yourself: What’s motivating them? Why do they do the things they do? How will they respond to fear in general but also when confronted with a deeply personal fear? The answers to questions like these will help you build an antagonist who is powerful and authentic, requiring the hero to be strong enough to face and overcome them.

For more information about the universal nature of fear and its individual impact on characters, check out The Fear Thesaurus: A Writer’s Guide to What Holds Characters Back.

Becca Puglisi is an international speaker, writing coach, and best-selling author of The Emotion Thesaurus and other resources for writers. Her books have sold over 1.4 million copies and are available in multiple languages, are sourced by US universities, and are used by novelists, screenwriters, editors, and psychologists around the world. She is passionate about learning and sharing her knowledge with others through her Writers Helping Writers blog and via One Stop For Writers—a powerhouse online resource for authors that’s home to the Character Builder and Storyteller’s Roadmap tools.

Wordplay: Portmanteau

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Portmanteau is a linguistic blend of two or more words. In French, portmanteau means “suitcase,” implying it holds two or more words inside. We, writers, can use portmanteaus to make our word choice more interesting.

Choose carefully. The last thing we want is to cause confusion.

Even authors like James Joyce, Charles Dickens, and Lewis Carroll created a few portmanteaus that sounded like nonsense, but they worked. In fact, portmanteau first appeared in Carroll’s Through the Looking Glass in a quote from Humpty Dumpty:

“Well, ‘slithy’ means ‘lithe and slimy’ and ‘mimsy’ is ‘flimsy and miserable’. You see it’s like a portmanteau—there are two meanings packed up into one word.”

A master of wordplay and creative word choice, Carroll created an entirely new genre of etymology in one quote. Portmanteau itself is even a portmanteau. It combines the words “porter,” which means “to carry,” and “manteau,” which means “cloak.”

Other portmanteaus have bled into everyday speech, like brunch (lunch + breakfast).

If you go back far enough into any word’s etymology, you’ll find any number of portmanteaus that helped create it.

Common Examples of Portmanteaus

Smog = smoke + fog

Motel = motor + hotel

Infomercial = information + commercial

Spork = spoon + fork

Podcast = iPod + broadcast

Glamping = glamorous + camping

Webinar = web + seminar

Chortle = chuckle + snort

Dramedy = drama + comedy

Listicle = article + list

Newscast = news + broadcast

Pokémon = pocket + monsters

Prequel = previous + sequel

Romcom = romance + comedy

Sitcom = situation + comedy

Telethon = television + marathon

Cosplay = costume + roleplay

Biopic = biography + picture

Bollywood = Bombay + Hollywood

Mockumentary = mock + documentary

Edutainment = education + entertainment

Botox = botulism + toxin

Brexit = Britain + exit

Affluenza = affluent + influenza

Juneteenth = June + nineteenth

Medicare = medical + care

Obamacare = Barack Obama + healthcare

Reaganomics = Ronald Reagan + economics

Ampersand = and + per se + and

Dumbfounded = dumb + confounded

Electrocute = electricity + execute

Flare = flair + glare

Fortnight = fourteen + night

Gerrymander = Elbridge Gerry + salamander

Shepherd = sheep + herder

Splatter = splash + spatter

Squander = scatter + wander (time, money, or opportunity)

Stash = store + cache

Taxicab = taximeter + cabriolet

Velcro = velvet + crochet

Adware = advertising + software

Animatronics = animation + electronics

Bionic = biology + electronic

Bit = binary + digit

Blog = web + log

Breathalyzer = breath + analyzer

Cyborg = cybernetic + organism

Email = electronic + mail

Emoticon = emotion + icon

Intercom = internal + communication

Malware = malicious + software

Modem = modulator + demodulator

Pixel = picture + element

Celebrity Coupling Portmanteaus

Brangelina = Brad Pitt + Angelina Joele

Kimye = Kim Kardashian + Kanye West

J-Rod = Jennifer Lopez + Alex Rodriguez

Lesser-Known Portmanteaus with Definitions

Brony = brother + My Little Pony — male fandom of the My Little Pony series

Movember = Mo + November — an awareness month where men grow facial hair to raise money for men’s health organizations

Ebonics = ebony + phonics — a common dialect in the American Black community

Stagflation = stagnation + inflation — continuous period of high inflation and unemployment

Pizzagate, Russiagate, Monicagate, Weinergate, etc. — The media creates portmanteaus with the word Watergate to imply an event is scandalous.

Imagineer = imagine + engineer — an engineer who works on creative projects

Netiquette = network + etiquette — proper online etiquette

Food Portmanteaus

Cronut = croissant + doughnut

Frappuccino = frappe + cappuccino

Froyo = frozen + yogurt

Grapple = grape + apple

Mocktail = mock + cocktail

Popsicle = pop + icicle

Pluot or Plumcot = plum + apricot (sounds delicious)

Spam = spiced + ham

Tofurky = tofu + turkey

Crossbred Dogs

Aussiedoodle = Australian Shepherd + Poodle

Chug = Chihuahua + Pug

Cockapoo = Cocker Spaniel + Poodle

Horgi = Huskey + Corgi

Labradoodle = Labrador + Poodle

Maltipoo = Maltese + Poodle

Pitsky = Pit Bull + Husky

Puggle = Pug + Beagle

Other Animal Portmanteaus

(usually bred in captivity)

Beefalo or Cattalo = buffalo + cow

Cama = camel + llama

Coywolf = coyote + wolf

Wolfdog = wolf + domestic dog

Geep = goat + sheep

Grolar Bear = grizzly + polar bear (Imagine the size of this bear!)

Liger or Tigion = lion + tiger

Wallaroo = wallaby + kangaroo

Wholphin = false killer whale (not orca; they’re long, slender dolphins that resemble orca in skull structure, black head, and markings, though with gray tones instead of white) + dolphin

Zonkey = zebra + donkey (Coincidentally, I’m on the waitlist to rescue/adopt a micro-mini version)

Conversational Portmanteaus

Athleisure = athletic + leisure

Brainiac = brain + maniac

Bromance = bro/brother + romance

Chillax = chill + relax

Fauxhawk = faux + mohawk (hairstyle)

Frenemy = friend + enemy

Ginormous = gigantic/giant + enormous

Guesstimate = guess + estimate

Hangry = hungry + angry

Jeggings = jeans + leggings

Mansplain = man + explain

Sheeple = sheep + people

Snark = snide + remark

Staycation = stay + vacation

Threepeat = three + repeat

Twerk = twist + jerk

Another common portmanteau is alcoholic + something addictive (workaholic, shopaholic, chocoholic, etc.) It’s so commonly used, many people believe -holic is a suffix for “addiction,” when in reality, it’s a conversational portmanteau.

Portmanteaus are not compound words. Compound words like “notebook” or “football” or “sunflower” use two words to create one, where portmanteaus shorten one or more words in a creative way.

TKZers, did you realize all these words were portmanteaus? Get those creative juices pumping and give us a new portmanteau! Or add to the list.

7 Unusual Ways to Improve Focus

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We live in a world filled with distractions. Attention spans have shrunk from roughly 2.5 minutes in 2004 to about 40-47 seconds — some report a reduction to as low as 8 seconds — a drop of 60-70% since portable digital screens entered our lives.

Now more than ever, focus is at an all-time low, many preferring social media to writing. With the introduction of AI to shortcut the writing process, the problem is only worsening.

Writers who focus long enough to write without AI tools have become valuable to companies and organizations who hire freelance writers to grab the attention of their target audience. With the exception of tech companies who hire writers to train AI models — no amount of money is worth selling your voice! — all say they’ll trash your application if you use AI tools for any part of the application process: resume, cover letter, and writing samples.

Freelance writers need to able to flex their creative muscles, or they’ll never find work.

Authors need to be able to flex their creative muscles to touch the lives of readers.

Freelance writers — or authors who supplement their income with freelance work — have run across the “No AI” warning many times.

When I first ran across it, it made perfect sense. Of course, companies and organizations want the human touch. Any AI prompter can produce thousands of words on various topics. Only a real writer can trigger emotions in the reader.

Writers can’t flex those mental muscles without the ability to focus. In today’s world, new writers especially may suffer with a lack of focus. They’re juggling school, work, family, or all three, and don’t take their writing seriously yet. Many professional writers juggle just as much, if not more, but they’ve learned to hit the keyboard whether they’re inspired or not.

The ability to focus is an important life skill for us all. Hence my motivation for this post.

7 Unusual Ways to Improve Focus

Chewing Gum

Sounds crazy, I know, but I read this recently and couldn’t avoid diving headfirst into a research rabbit hole.

  • The physical act of chewing, or mastication, acts like a motor for the brain that activates motor fibers in the jaw that increase cerebral blood flow. This delivers more oxygen and glucose to regions responsible for attention and memory, such as the thalamus and hippocampus, according to Scientific America.
  • Chewing stimulates the trigeminal nerve, which is linked to the brain’s arousal system.
  • EEG studies show shifts in brainwave patterns associated with being both calm and alert — what researchers call “relaxed concentration.”
  • Improved Reaction Times: Many studies found that “chewers” have significantly faster reaction times on cognitive tests.
  • Reduced Stress: Gum can lower cortisol levels, which help manage anxiety that often interferes with focus, according to the National Institute of Health.
  • While non-chewers often see their performance decline over 30 minutes, gum chewers maintain consistent accuracy.
  • Some experts believe chewing serves as a form of productive fidgeting, keeping the brain stimulated enough to stay on track without being a major distraction, according to Science Daily.

The Spider Technique

This mental training exercise helps you ignore external distractions.

If you held up a vibrating tuning fork to a spider web, the spider will rush out to investigate. After several repetitions without finding prey, the spider wises up and stops reacting.

Train yourself to be the wise spider. When a door slams or someone enters the room, acknowledge the sound but choose not to glance over. Practicing “tunnel vision” helps build a mental barrier against interruptions.

Look at “Kawaii” Images

Kawaii means “cute” in Japanese. Hope this one doesn’t sidetrack you for hours, but looking at cute photos of baby animals can significantly boost performance on tasks that require high focus, like writing a novel. A study by Japanese researchers found that cuteness-triggered, positive emotions narrow the breadth of attentional focus, making you more detail-orientated and less prone to veering off-course.

Loop One Song on Repeat

I’ve done this one, and it does work.

Listening to music is common among writers, but listening to one song or album on a loop for hours is a specific high-focus strategy. Your brain has two attention systems: conscious and unconscious. Familiar, repetitive music occupies the unconscious system — the part that usually scans for distracting background noises to assess potential threats — without taxing your conscious mind. This creates a “trance-like” state, or as creatives call it, “the zone,” our ideal happy place.

Create a To-Do List

Sounds simple, I know, but it works. I’ve done it for years.

Rather than fight stray thoughts, whether it be ideas for future scenes or things you need at the grocery store, give them a temporary home by writing it on paper or in Notes on your phone. This externalizes the To-Do item and sends a signal to your brain that the item is safe and can be released from your working memory. Otherwise, your mind will keep trying to remember it.

Practice Positive, Constructive Daydreaming

Sometimes the best way to focus is to stop trying. I do this a lot, too. When I reach a point where I’m spinning my wheels or hit a mental wall, I walk outside and watch my wildlife. Or go for a 20-minute walk. Or take a shower. Or read a book for a while. Or meditate. Or exercise. Do anything that allows free thoughts to flow, like daydreaming. This engages the brain’s default mode network, which replenishes your “willpower reserves” and often leads to creative breakthroughs that a forced focus cannot reach.

Strategic Cold Exposure

Dunking your face in a bowl of ice water for 20-30 seconds is not only an anti-aging technique but a reset for your nervous system. Cold exposure triggers a sharp release of norepinephrine and activates the sympathetic nervous system. This is often followed by a parasympathetic rebound that leaves you feeling calm, alert, and mentally sharp.

How many of these have you done? Did they help?

We Become the Stories We Tell Ourselves

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The idea for this post began with a quote attributed to Michael Cunningham in A Home at the End of the World…

“We become the stories we tell ourselves”

This is especially true of writers. If you tell yourself, “I’ll never find an agent” or “My writing isn’t good enough to score a publishing contract,” chances are you won’t. Why? Because you’ve adopted a negative mindset.

Same principal applies to, “I can only write on weekends.” If you tell yourself you can only write on weekends, you’re already making decisions about your ability to write Monday through Friday, so if you slip behind the keyboard on a weekday, it’ll be more difficult to write. You’ve handicapped your creativity with a fixed (negative) mindset.

We’ve discussed fixed vs. growth mindsets before. I want to revisit the Mental Game of Writing *shameless plug for JSB* from a different angle, because it’s not discussed enough in writers’ circles.

RAY EDWARD’S THOUGHT EXPERIMENT 

Imagine you’ve been given a treasure. This treasure, like all magical treasures, comes with conditions. While it’s an unlimited treasure, each day you can only take one gold coin. Just one. And every day you suffer from amnesia. When you forget you have this treasure, you lose a day of unlimited value.

How will you remind yourself to take the coin? Leave a note? Set an alarm? Phone a friend and ask them to remind you? How will you remember not to waste a single coin?

You already own this treasure. It’s called life. Consider this your reminder. Each new day offers endless possibilities, in life as well as writing. What will you do with your coin today? Will you squander it by scrolling through social media for hours? Or will you cash it in for its full value?

Look. We’re all guilty of procrastination from time to time. The trick is to prioritize your writing.

Every morning, I watch the sunrise. Not only does it inspire me, it grounds me with a positive mindset for the day. If you roll over and slap the snooze button, dreading the day ahead, you’ll start the day with a negative mindset. Things tend to roll downhill from there.

Have you ever heard a writer complain about being a lousy writer? That’s a fixed mindset. Their mind is made up. They will never write well. Period.

A growth mindset is positivity based. If that same writer said, “I may not be the best writer today, but I will be” they’ve flipped the script. Because now, they know if they continue to show up, they will improve.

See the difference?

The writer with the growth mindset is moving forward. The writer with the fixed mindset would rather complain about writing than study, hone, and implement their craft.

Writers aren’t the only ones who fall prey to a fixed mindset. It’s easy to do.

Do these excuses sound familiar?

  • Too much to do today. I’ll write tomorrow.
  • Can’t write now. I just worked an eight-hour shift.
  • Too tired to write.
  • Not in the mood to write today.
  • I’m not inspired.
  • I have writer’s block.

Every excuse is steeped in negativity, yet this is common rhetoric in the writing community.

Let’s pull back the veil on each one.

TOO MUCH TO DO TODAY — I’LL WRITE TOMORROW

When life shakes the to-do list in your face, it’s easy to avoid the keyboard. The problem is, tomorrow never comes. If you are a professional writer, or striving to become one, then you must prioritize your writing.

Can you carve out thirty minutes in your busy schedule today? How about fifteen? How about five? No one’s too busy to write a paragraph.

CAN’T WRITE NOW — JUST WORKED AN EIGHT-HOUR SHIFT 

Writers all over the world work a full-time day job. Lee Child wrote his first novel during his commute to and from work. If you’re driving, can you dictate into your phone? Hands-free, please! I don’t want to cause any accidents.

Or write on your phone during your lunch break.

Or start supper fifteen minutes later than usual — after you’ve hit the keyboard.

Priorities, priorities, priorities. How bad do you want it? If writing full-time is your ultimate goal, you must continue to show up.

If you train yourself to write for fifteen minutes when you arrive home from work, the word count will continue to grow. An ever-increasing word count leads to confidence, excitement, and joy. There’s no downside. None. If all you have is fifteen minutes, you must protect that time. Tell your family and friends how much writing means to you. The house won’t burn down if you disappear for fifteen uninterrupted minutes, nor will your children starve.

Some days the words will flow. Other days they won’t. That’s okay. You still made progress. Don’t get caught up in evaluating your writing or hitting a certain word count right away, or you’ll backslide into a negative mindset. Celebrate the fact that you showed up.

TOO TIRED TO WRITE

With all the snow blowing I’ve done this winter, it’d be easy for me to use the “too tired” excuse. Battling Mother Nature does wear me out, but I also have multiple writing projects that need my attention. I take time to rest, enjoy a nice hot cup of tea, then hit the keyboard. If my hands hurt from squeezing the handles of my snowblower (a common problem), I may only squeak out 500 words that day — self-care is equally important — but at least it’s something.

NOT IN THE MOOD TO WRITE TODAY 

If we sit around waiting to get in the mood to write, the WIP will languish on the hard drive for months, even years.

“The only way out is through.”

—Robert Frost

Here’s where having a solid writing routine in place makes all the difference. For me, it’s sliding on the headphones. Once I crank the music, the world fades away, my focus narrows on the screen, and I’m transported into my story. It’s a form of self-hypnosis. When I hear that playlist, my creativity soars.

Find a routine that works for you and stick with it. You may be surprised by how quickly you can jump into the zone.

I’M NOT INSPIRED 

Seriously? I’ve never understood this excuse. What are you waiting for, a lightning rod to shoot from the sky? Lemme tell ya, watching cat videos on social media won’t inspire you, either. Stop wasting precious writing time. Slide on the headphones, or whatever works for you, and write something, anything, even if it’s only a paragraph.

If you don’t know what to write, review your writing from the day before. It’ll come to you. If you’re still stuck, go for a walk. Alone. And think about your story.

Planners may have a slight advantage over pantsers in this regard. If I know my next milestone in the story — first plot point, first pinch point, midpoint, etc., etc. — then I’m able to say, “Okay, the MCs need to wind up doing this or that. How do I get there from here?”

The answer may require research. Or the introduction of a new character. Or better yet, kill a character. Nothing kickstarts creativity faster than raising the stakes.

I HAVE WRITER’S BLOCK 

Pah-lease. Writer’s block is nothing more than a negative mindset with a title attached. You’ve convinced yourself you cannot write for whatever reason. Flip the script in your head, and the words will flow like Niagara.

Perhaps, you’re overwhelmed. It happens. Take a breath. You’re okay. Move on.

Or maybe, real life has given you more than your fair share lately. Or you’ve written yourself into a corner. Figure out what the root cause is, but please don’t call it writer’s block.

Burnout is something else entirely — been there, done that, got the scars to prove it — the subject of which has too many variables to discuss now. Want me to cover it next time?

Maintaining a positive mindset takes work and perseverance, but you can do it… if you want to.

Therein lies the rub.

How will spend your treasure today?

When You’re Happy and You Know It

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By Elaine Viets

 

What made you happy in the last 24 hours? What about the last three months?

OK, I’ll go first.

A surprise gift of orchids from a friend. And the silly antics of my cat Vanessa. Both made me happy in the last 24 hours. They’re pictured below.

In the last three months, the weekly phone calls from my cousin Lisa made me happy.

These questions are important not only for our well-being, but to understand how  writers create our characters. I read about happiness in a recent article in The Pudding, and if you don’t subscribe to this free newsletter, you’re definitely missing out on happiness.

Writer Alvin Chang’s Pudding article “mapped out 100,000 moments collected as part of a research project on what makes people happy. From sensory pleasure and serendipity to leisure and personal growth, he identified the major themes that emerge when we think about our most cherished moments.”

Here are few that may make you smile, especially the first one:

“My boss was away on business which made my workday very enjoyable and left me with a smile on my face all day.” Female, 36, married, parent

“I went to see my Grandma at the nursing home.” Male, 26, single

“My husband was ignoring me and I laid in bed thinking of funny words with the word ‘sass’ in them to describe him (like Sasquatch) – it amused me greatly.” Female, 26, parent

“I got to leave work early on Friday.” Female, 53, single, parent

“I took a day off to enjoy a nice day.” Male, 38, mot a parent

“Enjoyed a Hardboys Peach Country hard cider.” Male, 32, single, not a parent

“I made progress on some household projects.” Female, 22, married, not a parent

“I was able to stay home and work, while my brother-in-law picked up the kids from school by switching his schedule.” Female, 37, married, parent

Scientists used to believe that happiness was U-shaped. “We are happy when we’re young, less happy when we’re middle-aged and then happy again when we’re old.”

Chang mentioned a research article by Arthur Stone that surveyed people between 18 and 85. It said, “Stress and anger steeply declined from the early 20s, worry was elevated through middle age and then declined, and sadness was essentially flat.”

But hold on . . . that U-shape may no longer be true. Another story says, “Pooling Global Minds data across 44 countries, including the United States and the United Kingdom, over the period 2020–2025 we confirm that ill-being is no longer hump-shaped in age but now decreases in age.”

So the middle-age slump is out. The twenties are a rough time. The reason for this is sad: “the deterioration in young people’s mental health both absolutely and relative to older people.”

Once you get through your difficult 20s, your chances of happiness increase.

When Harvard researchers followed people for their entire lives, Alvin Chang wrote, “they found that good relationships were the most important thing for happy, healthy lives.” We need a “meaningful life with a sense of purpose.”

That makes sense. Except social media and smart phones have made us addicted to screens from a young age. “It’s taken a toll on how much time we spend with each other.”

Alvin Chang included a “happy map” with his article. Check it out here. https://pudding.cool/2026/02/happy-map/ he  says it’s “a mirror of the broken world we’ve built, as seen through our most cherished moments.”

What makes your characters happy?

Now in paperback: Sex and Death on the Beach, my new Florida beach mystery, is now in paperback. If you read it and like it, you’ll make me happy. https://tinyurl.com/3ut3chuu

 

 

Why We Procrastinate and How To Stop

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Many believe those who procrastinate are lazy or unmotivated. It can be true of some, I suppose. Most, however, are caught in a torturous loop that stems from the brain. Once you fall prey to these endless cycles, it’s difficult to claw your way out.

A War Rages Inside the Brain

There are two culprits triggering procrastination.

The prefrontal cortex, responsible for:

  • Planning
  • Decision-Making
  • Abstract Concepts
  • Goals

And the limbic system, which regulates:

  • Pleasure
  • Fear
  • Reward
  • Arousal

Note how the prefrontal cortex’s job centers around self-control and the limbic system’s responsibilities are all emotional based.

When you have a task to complete, your prefrontal cortex sends a signal to your limbic system that says, “C’mon, it’s time to work.” Because your limbic system is like an unruly teen who seeks only pleasure and avoids pain or discomfort, it often returns a signal that says, “Let’s do something else that feels good right now.”

Procrastination is the war between the two, and we’re caught in the middle. Social media and other online activities have only worsened the problem, resulting in more and more procrastination. Devices like iPhones don’t help by trying to guilt you into increasing your screen time. Don’t fall for it. They do not have your best interests in mind.

Though procrastination may feel good in the moment — the limbic system tricking you into believing your actions are justified — that nagging task lingers in the prefrontal cortex, which leads to guilt, anxiety, and stress. Once you start procrastinating, it’s difficult to stop, because the limbic system rewards you with dopamine, the feel-good hormone.

Those stuck in this torturous loop know they should work on that project, but their mind is in turmoil. Add in real-life stressors, and procrastination worsens.

Yes, I speak from experience. After leaving my husband of twenty-seven years, starting a new life in a new area, moving again to another new area, where I bought my home, I had plenty of reasons to justify procrastination. Thankfully, I also took a year-long break from social media, which helped maintain my inner peace.

For those of us who didn’t grow up with the internet, the “noise” can be downright deafening at times. I also had to learn how to do “guy jobs.” Please don’t jump all over me for that comment. I know it’s sexist, but I never mowed a lawn or used a snow blower before. New England’s constant snowstorms and blizzards this year has forced me to use muscles I didn’t know I possessed. 🙂 There’s an art to snow blowing — it’s become another creative outlet for me, only with aches and pain afterward. LOL

The most important thing that saved me from endless procrastination was my longtime belief in mindfulness, the practice and awareness of living in the moment.

How To Cure Procrastination

Step #1: Realize what’s happening in your brain.

I solved that for you today, but feel free to study more about this war inside you. Fascinating research.

Step #2: Practice mindfulness.

An easy way to begin the practice of mindfulness is to walk outside. Stop. Close your eyes. Take a few deep breaths, the benefits of which we’ve discussed before.

What do you hear? Birdsong? Pinpoint where without opening your eyes. Is there a pattern to his song, or is he communicating with another?

For weeks, I listened to this tiny wood thrush who nests on my covered porch. Amazing little birds that can easily sing over fifty unique songs and can even sing two different melodies at once. I thought he was singing just to sing, until I noticed him stop to listen. Sure enough, another wood thrush sang back.

My breath halted. Since males try to out-sing each other, this must be a singing competition.

I was so invested in rooting for my little porch buddy, nothing else mattered in those precious moments.

What do you smell? The sticky sap of a pine tree? Smoke from a campfire or woodstove? Pinpoint where without opening your eyes.

What do you feel? Focus your awareness on your skin. Is the wind cool against your cheek? Does the sun warm your scalp?

What do you sense? You most certainly are not alone. Wildlife surrounds you, even in the city. Stand in the moment and engage all your senses, except sight. By taking away the ability to see, you must rely on your other senses.

When you’re done, take three steps forward. Start over. There’s one catch — you cannot list anything you already mentioned. This will force you to dig deeper, concentrate harder, your awareness opening like rose petals. Repeat at least three or four times. With each step forward, you’re healing your mind, body, and spirit.

Mindfulness is an important life skill to master.

Besides being a cure for procrastination, mindfulness has many health benefits:

  • Reduces stress
  • Reduces anxiety
  • Fights depression
  • Improves focus and memory
  • Lowers blood pressure
  • Boosts immunity
  • Improves sleep
  • Manages chronic pain and illness

Step #3: Work on the project you’ve been avoiding for five minutes. Your limbic system will reward you with a dopamine hit — good job! You did it! If you struggle to continue past five minutes, that’s fine. Stop there. Do this every day. Soon, you’ll be so invested in the project, five minutes will turn into fifteen, thirty, one hour, or more.

Though writers are not immune to procrastination — some say, we’re the poster children for it — it does help to have a regular writing routine. Walking into an office or sliding on headphones sends a silent signal to the brain that it’s time to work, but that doesn’t mean the limbic system won’t respond with, “Let’s play instead.”

The next time you find yourself scrolling on social media instead of completing a task, take a moment to ask yourself why. Are you procrastinating or do you need a break? If it’s the latter, enjoy. Mindless fun is important, too. If it’s the former, put down the phone and walk outside. Please don’t tell me it’s too cold. I’ve been out there in double negative degree temps and survived just fine. Bundle up. It’s worth the effort. What you’ll experience is the cure for what ails you.

If, for health or mobility issues, you are unable to go outside, use the body scan method to practice mindfulness. Lie Lay Recline in a comfortable position with your eyes closed. Deep breathe for a few rounds. Then focus on your feet. Note how your heels touch the surface below them. Do your toes tingle? If you concentrate long enough, you’ll feel blood flowing through your feet.

Next, take note of your ankles. Little by little, work your way up your body. When you reach each organ, envision how it works inside your body. Once you reach your scalp, you may open your eyes.

The body scan method also works for insomnia.

What do you think about this war inside your brain? 

Self-Editing Pop Quiz Redux

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I just looked back at the first post I wrote for The Kill Zone in 2015.

2015??? How can that be???

My debut here came about because one of TKZ’s founding mothers, Kathryn Lilley, invited me to write a guest post about self-editing based on a workshop I presented at a conference.

For years, TKZ had been my favorite writing blog so I was thrilled by the chance but also nervous. At that point, none of my books had been published yet. Every contributor here had waaaaaay more experience and accomplishments than I did. But I’d edited a number of books and knew a little something about that topic. So that’s what I wrote about.

Today I’m dusting off that early post to see if editing has changed in the past decade.

Self-Editing Pop Quiz

This morning, let’s imagine we’re back in school and the teacher announces a pop quiz to test your self-editing skills. Did you do your homework?

1. Scan your WIP and highlight every form of the verb “to be.” How many times per page did you use:
is ​

are​

am ​

was/were​

had been

Tally your score: 

Fewer than 5 per page:​ Excellent

Between 5 and 10 per page: ​Very good, but could use more active verbs

More than 20 per page: ​Work on how to “de-was” with strong, active, specific verbs.

Many years ago, I took a workshop from the late, great Montana mystery author James Crumley. He shared with me how to “de-was” and I’ve never forgotten. This single skill goes a long way to transform your writing into active, muscular prose.

2026 note – De-was-ing still works. Grammar/editing software suggests ways to rewrite in active voice. 

2. Read the first few paragraphs of each new scene or chapter. Can a reader quickly determine:

WHO is present?

WHERE they are?

WHEN is the scene taking place?

If you can answer these questions, you’ve done a good job of orienting your reader immediately in the story world. Give yourself a point each time you effectively set the scene.

2026 note: Yup, this still applies. 

3. Do a global search for what I call “junk” words that add little information and dilute the power of your prose. Score a point every time you delete one of the below “junk” or “stammer” words.

There is (was)

​​it is (was)​

that

​just​

very ​

nearly​

quite​

rather​

sort of

turned to​

started to​

began to​

commenced to

Editor Jessi Rita Hoffman calls the last four examples “stammer verbs” that weaken the verb that follows, i.e. Barbara began to race to escape the zombie.

Stronger version: Barbara raced to escape the zombie.

Stammer verb exception: when an action is interrupted or changed, i.e. Robert started to run, but tripped over the corpse.

2026 note: still applies. 

4. How many of your characters’ names start with the same letter?

Deduct a point if you’ve christened more than two characters with the same first letter, i.e. Michael, Mallory, Millie, Moscowitz, Melendez.

Deduct a point for rhyming or similar-sounding names: Billy, Lily, Julie.

Extra credit: if none of your characters’ names ends with “S,” give yourself a point for avoiding the unnecessary complication of figuring out whether it should be “Miles’s machine gun,” or “Miles’ machine gun.”

2026 note: still applies. 

5. Do you exploit all five senses? Writers most often use sight and hearing, and ignore the other senses that can add texture and richness to the reader’s immersion in the story world.

Give yourself a point each time you employ one of the under-used senses of taste, touch, and smell.

Extra credit: for dramatic effect, deprive your characters of normal sensory input, i.e.

A blindfolded kidnap victim who cannot see where captors are taking her.

An explosion-deafened soldier who cannot hear the enemy stalking him.

2026 note: sensory detail still immerses readers in the story world. 

6. The English language constantly challenges even experienced authors. In the eyes of editors and agents, improper usage of common words marks a writer as an amateur. Choose the correct word for each of the following:

(a) It’s [or] its a beautiful day in the neighborhood.

(b) The bear retreated to its [or] it’s den as winter closed in.

(c) Hurricane Katrina effected [or] affected every home in New Orleans.

(d) The affect [or] effect of Hurricane Katrina continued long after the rains ended.

(e) After the lobotomy, McMurphy possessed a flat affect [or] effect.

(f) The farther [or] further the boat drifted from the shore, the harder Joe paddled.

(g) The further [or] farther you pursue this tangent, the more you lose credibility.

(h) The magician made an allusion [or] illusion to Houdini’s famous “vanishing elephant”illusion [or] allusion.

(i) Robert implied [or] inferred that Janet was a tramp.

(j) Since Janet had been convicted of prostitution, Robert inferred [or] implied she was a tramp.

(k) The witness that [or] who saw the assault ran away.

(l) Winston tastes good like [or] as a cigarette should. (Trick question for those of a certain age.)

Answers at the end. Score 1 for each correct answer.

The Elements of Style by Strunk and White is my go-to reference whenever I’m not sure of correct word usage. I find answers to 98% of my questions in Strunk and White.

2026 note: Word (and other writing programs) now do a better job of catching and flagging these misuses. 

7. Scan an entire chapter. How many times is the first word of a new paragraph the name of your character or a pronoun referring to that character (he or she)?

8+ out of 10 times – Normal for the first draft, but try varying sentence structure to begin paragraphs in different ways.

5 out of 10 times​​ – Better, but still needs work.

2 out of 10 times​ – ​You display good variability in paragraph structure.

2026 note: some writing software flags this problem, as well as makes suggestions how to vary sentence structure. 

8. Point of View—do you stay consistently in the same character’s head for the entire scene? Do you switch point of view only when a scene changes or when a new chapter begins?

How many POV changes can you find in the following passage?

Silky sheets caressed Teresa’s naked skin, as her heartbeat quickened. She watched Zack, framed in the doorway, as he unbuttoned his shirt. Secret fantasies he’d harbored for months were about to come true. Teresa’s heavy-lidded eyes promised a welcome worth waiting for. She quivered inside with trepidation. Would he be disappointed or thrilled? With a sweep of his sinewy arm, Zack whipped back the sheet, stunned to discover Teresa was really Terrance.

Answer: Four. The paragraph starts in Teresa’ POV because she feels the sheets and her heartbeat. Then POV switches to Zack and his secret fantasies, which she might guess, but can’t know about since they’re inside his head. Then back to Teresa, quivering inside. Then back to Zack being stunned.

If you struggle with POV, lock yourself inside the head and body of the POV character. Everything that goes on in that scene must be within the eyesight, earshot, or touch of that character. That means the character might be able to look at his own feet, but he can’t see the broccoli stuck in his teeth. Only another character can do that…and I certainly hope she tells him about it soon!

2026 note: a consistent POV is still important to avoid confusing readers. 

9. Is the action described in chronological order? Does cause lead to effect? Does action trigger reaction? Is the choreography clear to the reader? Who is where doing what to whom?

If you understand the last sentence, give yourself 10 points and deduct 10 points from my score!

How would you rewrite the following confusing sentence?

George slashed Roger’s throat with the knife as he grabbed him from behind after he sneaked into the warehouse.

How about: ​Knife in hand, George sneaked into the warehouse, grabbed Roger from behind, and slashed his throat.

Just as messy, but much clearer to the reader because events unfold in the order they happened.

2026 note: writing events in clear, logical order is still important. I don’t know how well editing software addresses this problem because I do it myself. 

10. Do you read your work out loud? If so, give yourself an automatic 10 points.

When you read out loud, you catch repeated or missing words, awkward phrasing, and sentences that are too long. “Glide” is the term used by author/editor Jim Thomsen to describe smooth, effortless, clear writing. Glide is like riding in a chauffeur-driven Rolls Royce as opposed to bucking and shuddering in a 1973 Pinto with bad spark plugs and a flat tire.

For extra credit, have someone else read your work out loud. If he or she can read without stumbling, you’ve achieved glide. Award yourself 25 bonus points.

2026 note: reading aloud still works but now many programs read to you. That saves a sore throat. 

Answers to 6 (a) it’s, (b) its, (c) affected, (d) effect, (e) affect, (f) farther, (g) further, (h) allusion, illusion, (i) implied, (j) inferred, (k) who, (l) Despite the catchy slogan from the 1950s, correct use would be as. Back then, liquor couldn’t advertise on TV, but cigarettes could. Now liquor ads are common, but few people even remember commercials for cigarettes. How times change!

How did you do? Tell us in the Comments! 

Fewer errors equal less distractions and a more engaged reader. A more engaged reader equals more sales.

And that equals an A+.

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Revisiting this early post, the same principles apply. The main difference between then and now is that more editing software programs are available to alert the writer to potential problems.

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TKZers: how did you do on the quiz? Please answer in the comments.

Extra credit if you caught my error in the original. In 2015, an alert reader busted me. 

Do you use editing software? Which ones do you prefer? 

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On March 5, I’m teaching a zoom webinar entitled “It’s 10 p.m. Do You Know Where Your Villain Is.” Click this link for more information. 

That topic began as a TKZ post and grew into my book, The Villain’s Journey-How to Create Villains Readers Love to Hate. Sales link.