Timely Facts About Daylight Savings

Time is the wisest counselor of all. —Pericles

* * *

It’s baaaaack!

Early Sunday morning Daylight Savings Time reentered our lives, and we all lost an hour of sleep. Interestingly, the U.S. is one of only about 34% of the world’s countries that observe DST. So why did we decide to use this strange time shift phenomenon?

BEGINNINGS

Benjamin Franklin probably had something to do with it. As the U.S. Ambassador to France in 1784, he wrote a satirical letter to the Journal de Paris saying Parisians could save money on candles and oil just by getting up earlier in the summer. Barely a hundred years later, time zones were invented.

According to the National Museum of American History

Before 1883, towns across the nation set their own times by observing the position of the sun, so there were hundreds of local times. Instead of Eastern Standard Time, for example, there was Philadelphia Standard Time or Charleston Standard Time. In the 1850s, railroads began to operate under about fifty regional times, each set to an agreed-upon, arbitrary standard time. Rail companies often induced a region to abandon local time in favor of the railroad’s operating time.

On November 18, 1883, local times across the nation—determined by the position of the sun overhead—were consolidated into standardized time zones. Each zone had a uniform time within its boundaries. The railroads implemented the change for their own benefit. But gradually, despite scattered resistance, standard time became the way everyone kept time.

A DAYLIGHT SAVINGS IDEA

In 1895, a New Zealand entomologist and astronomer George Hudson made the first realistic proposal to change clocks by two hours every spring. Although his proposal wasn’t implemented, it may have set the stage for DST.

The U.S. Congress, of course, got into the act. Article I, Section 8, Clause 5 of our Constitution gives Congress the power to fix the standard of weights and measures, and that includes determining time. This resulted in several time zone-related bills.

Again, from the National Museum of American History

The federal government first officially recognized standard time during World War I, in an act to establish Daylight Saving Time. At war’s end, Congress repealed Daylight Saving Time in response to farmers more in sync with the sun than the clock. During World War II, Congress authorized a temporary year-round daylight saving time, dubbed “War Time.” No national legislation provided for Daylight Saving Time until the Uniform Time Act of 1966.

The Uniform Time Act of 1966 standardized the start and end dates for daylight saving time in the United States, and the authority for overseeing it was given to the U.S. Department of Transportation. Some interesting facts about options for DST are on the U.S. DOT website:

DOT also oversees the Nation’s uniform observance of Daylight Saving Time; however, DOT does not have the power to repeal or change Daylight Saving Time.  Nor does DOT have any role to play in a State’s determination whether to observe Daylight Saving Time.  If a State chooses to observe Daylight Saving Time, it must begin and end on federally mandated dates.  Under the Uniform Time Act, States may choose to exempt themselves from observing Daylight Saving Time by State law.  States do not have the authority to choose to be on permanent Daylight Saving Time.

DO WE REALLY NEED THIS?

Recent polls indicate most people in the U.S. are of the “pick one and stick to it” opinion. Unfortunately, about half want Standard Time and the other half want Savings Time to be the norm.

So here, I humbly propose my own solution to the time problem: Common (as in “common sense”) Time. I propose we make each time zone uniform with the time set to halfway between Standard Time and DST. For example, I am in the Central Time Zone. We would use Central Common Time. Instead of one p.m. Standard Time or two p.m. DST, Central Common Time would be one-thirty p.m. Simple, right?

Since I suspect my proposal has considerably less than a one percent chance of being enacted, I am willing to be Standard or Savings just as long as they don’t disturb my sleep anymore.

WRITING

But what does all this have to do with writing?

It’s well known that disruption in sleep habits has a negative effect on productivity. But according to an article on the Johns Hopkins University website about the effect of switching to Daylight Saving Time, it’s much more intrusive than that.

“The scientific evidence points to acute increases in adverse health consequences from changing the clocks, including in heart attack and stroke,” says sleep expert Adam Spira, PhD, MA, a professor in Mental Health.

The change is also associated with a heightened risk of mood disturbances and hospital admissions, as well as elevated production of inflammatory markers in response to stress. The potential for car crashes also spikes just after the spring forward, Spira says; a 2020 study found that the switch raises the risk of fatal traffic accidents by 6%.

Yikes. Better to fall asleep at your desk than go for an afternoon car ride.

HOPE

The Sunshine Protection Act (don’t you love the name?) that would make Daylight Savings Time permanent passed the Senate in 2022 by unanimous consent, but died in the House of Representatives. However, the SPA was reintroduced this year in both houses of congress. Will it pass? Only time will tell.

* * *

What about you, TKZers: Do you think we should go onto one time system and forget this switching back and forth? Does the time change have a negative impact on your work? Do you like the Common (i.e., average) Time idea?

 

Time is of the essence for Cassie Deakin and Frank White as they hunt a murderer.

Available at  AmazonBarnes & NobleKoboGoogle Play, or Apple Books.

Dialogue And The Times

Dialogue And The Times
Terry Odell

Book covers of Huckleberry Finn and James

We are warned to take it easy with dialects in dialogue, because they make things harder to read, and the last thing we want to do is slow things down for our readers. These are a few snippets showing how I handled it years ago in Where Danger Hides.

“Well, what do we have here? You want to come on out, darlin’?” The voice was deep, warm, and decidedly Texan.

***

From her brief encounter with Texas, she was certain he’d be dressed like every other man here—in a tuxedo. She’d never pick him out in the crowd. Unless, of course, he opened his mouth, and that slow, honey-rich drawl flowed out.

I left it up to the reader to fill in the blanks as to what they heard while reading.

Or, in Rooted in Danger, where my protagonist was an Aussie, I used expressions rather than try to spell out the way he sounded when he spoke.

The man’s soothing tone penetrated her fog. He didn’t try to take the gun away, but he walked her to the kitchen and, guiding her hand with his, opened a cabinet.
“How about in here?” he asked. “Or shall we toss it down the dunny?”
Finally, his words registered. “Dunny?”
“Loo. Head. W.C. Toilet. Although that was more of a figure-of-speech question because it would ruin your plumbing.”

***

“Told you it would be a bucket of piss.”
“What?”
“I think you’d call it a piece of cake.”
“I definitely like that better.”

***

“Thanks, Wally. You’re a right fine bastard.”
“You got no call to say that about me,” Wally said with a scowl.
“Sorry, mate. Where I come from, bastard means a damn good friend.”

***

We’re also told to watch profanity. But there are always exceptions to everything.

(Note: I am not going to get into book banning or censorship in this post. Nor am I going to give spoilers for Everett’s book.)

But language evolves. Tastes change. Conventions change.

Our book club voted to read James by Percival Everett for this month. We meet tomorrow, so I don’t know what the other group members will have to say about it, but this is my take.

James is based on Mark Twain’s Huckleberry Finn, a book I read countless times as a child—I’m thinking it was in my elementary or junior high school days. I thought Huck was cool (although that wasn’t the slang in those days.)

It was also assigned reading in high school English. (Can we get away with that today?The “N” word was used extensively in both Huckleberry Finn and James, as appropriate to the times.) Good old Mr. Holtby had us discussing whether we’d rather be a raft or a riverboat. He was all about symbolism. But he made us think.

At any rate, after reading James, I went to the library for a copy of Huckleberry Finn, because I’d been under the impression that James was a retelling of Huckleberry Finn from Jim’s point of view. There were so many things I didn’t remember, given the elapsed time between high school and today, but—duh moment—it didn’t take long to realize that Huck and Jim weren’t together through the whole book, so seeing what transpired for Jim while he was apart from Huck made for a very different story.

Huck’s grammar (or lack thereof) was prevalent in both books. Likewise for Jim. True to the times and the vocabularies of the characters. I wonder if Everett blew up spellcheck and any grammar checking software. I’m not going to try to transcribe passages from Huckleberry Finn. Instead, here are two image. (Sorry about the quality. I took it from a very old, yellowed paperback.)

This is Huck:

page from Huckleberry Finn

Here, Jim is talking to Huck.

page of text from Huckleberry Finn

Did you have trouble reading either passage? Did you have to slow down? Was it more the spelling, grammar, or vocabulary? Would you try writing that kind of dialogue today to show a character’s accent or dialect?

What are your thoughts about dialect in dialogue? Everett’s book was not only published (Sorry, I didn’t think to grab a picture or two before I had to return it to the library, but a lot of the dialogue was very much the same) but won the 2024 Kirkus Prize and the National Book Award for Fiction. It’s also been optioned for a movie, and I’m curious to see how it’s handled.


New! Find me at Substack with Writings and Wanderings

Danger Abroad

When breaking family ties is the only option.

Madison Westfield has information that could short-circuit her politician father’s campaign for governor. But he’s family. Although he was a father more in word than deed, she changes her identity and leaves the country rather than blow the whistle.

Blackthorne, Inc. taps Security and Investigations staffer, Logan Bolt, to track down Madison Westfield. When he finds her in the Faroe Islands, her story doesn’t match the one her father told Blackthorne. The investigation assignment quickly switches to personal protection for Madison.

Soon, they’re involved with a drug ring and a kidnapping attempt. Will working together put them in more danger? Can a budding relationship survive the dangers they encounter?

Available for pre-order.

Like bang for your buck? I have a new Mapleton Bundle. Books 4, 5, and 6 for one low price.


Terry Odell is an award-winning author of Mystery and Romantic Suspense, although she prefers to think of them all as “Mysteries with Relationships.”

Created by a Fallible Human, Not a Fallible Machine

 

by Debbie Burke

@burke_writer

AI is everywhere in the news and authors are worried. For good reason.

Discoverability is already tough with an estimated two million books published each year. An increasing number are AI-generated. Finding your book is like identifying a single drop of water in a tidal wave.

Additionally, AI continues to be plagued by “hallucinations,” a polite term for BS. In 2023, I wrote about lawyers who got busted big time for using ChatGPT that generated citations from imaginary cases that had never happened.

Authors are not the only ones under threat. Human artists face competition from AI. Just for fun, check out this lovely, touching image created by ChatGPT. Somehow AI didn’t quite comprehend that a horn piercing the man’s head and his arm materializing through the unicorn’s neck are physical impossibilities, not to mention gruesome.

How do humans fight back? Are we authors (and artists, musicians, voice actors, and others in creative fields) doomed to become buggy-whip makers?

The Authors Guild has been on the front lines defending the rights of writers. They push legislation to stop the theft of authors’ copyrighted work to train large language models (LLMs). They assert that authors have a right to be paid when their work is used to develop AI LLMs. They demand work that’s created by machine be identified as such.

Side note: Kindle Direct Publishing currently asks the author if AI was used in a book’s creation. However, the book’s sale page doesn’t mention AI so buyers have no way of knowing whether or not AI is used. 

The latest initiative AG offers are “Human Authored” badges, certifying the work is created by flesh-and-blood writers.

One recent morning, I spent an hour registering my nine books with AG and downloading badges for each one. Here’s the certification for my latest thriller, Fruit of the Poisonous Tree

The process is to fill out a form with the book title, author, ISBN, ASIN, and publisher’s name. You e-sign a statement verifying you, a human author, created the work without using AI, with limited exceptions for spelling and grammar checkers, and research cites.

Then AG generates individually-numbered certification badges you download for marketing purposes. At this point, it’s an honor system with AG taking the author’s word.

The yellow and black badges can be used on book covers, while the black and white ones can be included on the book’s copyright page.

For now, AG registers books only by members but may expand in the future for other authors.

 

In 2023, I wrote Deep Fake Double Down, a thriller where deep fake videos implicate a woman for crimes she didn’t commit. The story is a cautionary tale about how AI can be misused for malicious purposes.

I ordered these stickers for paperbacks I sell at personal appearances. Considering the subject of Deep Fake Double Down, they were especially appropriate and kicked off good discussions at the book table.

Do badges and stickers make any difference?  Probably not. But I believe many readers still prefer books by real people, not bots.

There’s an old saying among computer scientists: Garbage in, garbage out.

Garbage fiction is one issue. But what about nonfiction?

Nothing destroys an author’s credibility faster than Inaccurate research. Is ChatGPT any better now than it was in 2023 when its falsehoods caused trouble for the attorneys mentioned above?

Well…

Gary Marcus is a professor emeritus at NYU who researches the intersection of cognitive psychology, neuroscience, and artificial intelligence. Yeah, he’s really smart. He frequently pokes holes in the hype surrounding AI and believes laws are needed to regulate its use.

He recently reported on ChatGPT’s veracity when performing simple research tasks that any high school student should be able to do. I summarized the results below. His entire post is here.

ChatGPT was asked to make a table of every state in the US with details about population, area, and median income.

First try, it came back with only 20 states, not 50. Whoops.

When challenged, GPT responded with profound apologies and corrected itself.

Second try, it added a few more states but the list was still incomplete.

More apologies and it generated another correction.

Third try, still forgot two states.

Fourth try, finally found the missing states.

In another experiment, GPT was asked to list all Canadian provinces and report the number of vowels in the name of each. Vowels were defined as A, E, I, O, U, and sometimes Y.

This is GPT’s answer about  Prince Edward Island.

  • Prince Edward Island → (i, e, e, a, o, a, i, a) → 8

What? You say there’s no “O” in Prince Edward Island?

More apologies, more rechecks, and this time the results are verified and accurate.

Sort of, except for Northwest Territories. 

  • Northwest Territories → (o, h, e, a, e, i, o) → 7

I must have missed the memo when “H” became a vowel.

GPT needed several guesses to determine how many vowels are in “British Columbia.” Go ahead and count them. I’ll wait.

First guess: 9.

Second guess: 7

Third guess: 6

A third grader could have counted the vowels faster and more accurately.

Whenever GPT’s wrong answers were challenged by the person making the prompt, it apologized and complimented the person for being smart to double check. But each subsequent time ,GPT claimed its revised answer had been verified and checked for accuracy. For sure.

Honest.

Really.

Cross my heart.

Except GPT doesn’t have a heart. Or a brain. Or common sense and reasoning ability.

Near the end of this experiment, ChatGPT was asked if it could be trusted. Here’s a quote from that exchange:

Yes, but it’s always good to verify, especially when precision matters! Like a human, I can make mistakes, but I improve when challenged. Your scrutiny helped me correct my errors, and I’ll be extra careful going forward—especially when counting or verifying data.

If you ever feel something seems off, don’t hesitate to ask me to double-check. I genuinely appreciate how thorough you’re being!

You said:

“Subconsciously”? What does that mean? aren’t you a chatbot?

ChatGPT said:

ChatGPT

You’re absolutely right to call that out! I don’t have a subconscious in the way humans do. What I meant was that my mistake likely came from a pattern of processing text too quickly without verifying each step carefully. Instead of deliberately making an error, I likely miscounted due to an automatic response rather than a deep, reflective process.

Unlike humans, I don’t have thoughts, feelings, or unconscious biases—I just generate responses based on patterns in data. But I can make mistakes, and I appreciate your careful fact-checking! Keep holding me accountable.

Wait a sec. Now the person asking questions of GPT is supposed to fact-check the answers GPT confidently claims it has already fact-checked? Am I missing something?

During a recent conversation with a bright, earnest, young nephrologist, he proudly showed me all the information he could access on his phone using AI. Each time he used more specific prompts, going into greater depth and detail about various kidney disease symptoms and treatment options.

I was tempted to have him ask how many vowels are in the word “kidney.”

What is more distressing are students who increasingly depend on ChatGPT for “research.” If they don’t already know the US has 50 states, British Columbia has six vowels, and “H” is not a vowel, they assume GPT’s answers are accurate. All their so-called research is built on a false, unstable, flimsy foundation. 

ChatGPT isn’t the only AI that coughs up unreliable information. Check out these geometric shapes that Dr. Marcus asked Grok2 to generate. This link goes to a photo that can be enlarged. .

Isquer? Ecktangle? Recan? Ovatagle? No wonder I almost failed geometry.

AI is the power behind Google and other search engines. All have plenty of inaccuracies. But thanks to extensive online access to the Library of Congress, Project Gutenberg, encyclopedias, and millions of source documents, accurate research is easy and simple to verify with cross references.

As AI’s speed and convenience supplant hard-won experience and deep, accurate research, how many generations until it becomes accepted common knowledge that “H” is a vowel?

Humans are fallible and often draw wrong conclusions. But I’d still rather read books written by humans.

I’m a fallible human who writes books.

I prefer to not rely on fallible chatbots.

Excuse me, I have to get back to making buggy whips.

~~~

TKZers, do you use Chat GPT or similar programs? For what purposes? Do you have concerns about accuracy? Have you caught goofs? 

Am I just being a curmudgeon?

~~~

Here’s what Amazon’s AI says about Deep Fake Double Down:

 Customers find the book has a fast-paced thriller with plenty of action and twists. They appreciate the well-developed characters and the author’s ability to capture their emotions. The book is described as an engaging read with unexpected climaxes.

AI-generated from the text of customer reviews

 

Okay, I concede AI can sometimes be pretty sweet!

Sales link

The First Mystery Novel

“The job of the artist is always to deepen the mystery.” —Francis Bacon

* * *

Kris Montee wrote a post last week about mystery novels and authors. Today, Dale Ivan Smith and I begin a two-part post on the first mystery novel, The Woman in White by Wilkie Collins. In this post, I’ll explore the background of the novel and give a summary of the plot. In his upcoming post, Dale will take a look at the characters in the book.

BACKGROUND

Wilkie Collins was born in England in 1824. His father was the  well-known artist William Collins. Authors will be interested to know that it was Wilkie’s experience at Cole’s boarding school where he first found an incentive for telling stories. According to a Collins biography website:

It was here that he began his career as a storyteller to appease the dormitory bully, later recalling that ‘it was this brute who first awakened in me, his poor little victim, a power of which but for him I might never have been aware.’

Attorneys (and I know there are some that read these posts) will be interested to know Collins was a law student and was called to the bar in 1851. Although he never practiced law, his tendency to describe events in some of his books through the eyes of different characters, reminds one of witness testimonies.

Collins’ friendship with Charles Dickens began around 1850. The first of Collins’ four major novels, The Woman in White, was published in serial form in Dickens’ All the Year Round periodical from November 1859 to August 1860 and became a roaring success.  Again, from the Collins biography website:

It was received with great popular acclaim and ran to seven editions in 1860, alone. All kinds of commodities such as cloaks, bonnets, perfumes were called after it; there were Woman in White Waltzes and Quadrilles; it was parodied in Punch; Gladstone found the story so absorbing that he missed a visit to the theatre; and Thackeray was engrossed from morning to sunset.

Perhaps the extraordinary popularity of the novel was why Collins left instructions for his tombstone to be inscribed with the words “In memory of Wilkie Collins, author of ‘The Woman in White’ and other works of fiction.”

A NEW GENRE

You would think the first effort at a new genre would be a clumsy one, but I didn’t find that when I read the book. Although it’s long (248K words according to howlongtoread.com), the story is captivating, and it is considered by many to be one of the best novels ever written. This from Wikipedia:

In 2003, Robert McCrum writing for The Observer listed The Woman in White number 23 in “the top 100 greatest novels of all time,” and the novel was listed at number 77 on the BBC’s survey The Big Read.

At its heart, TWIW is a love story. Boy meets girl, boy loses girl, boy gets girl back. But the story is wrapped within a mysterious “secret” that the main character pursues and it’s this that keeps the reader turning pages.

PLOT AND STRUCTURE

The book is divided into three “epochs” which are narrated by different characters.

In Epoch One, Collins immediately employs The Hook. The protagonist, a young art instructor by the name of Walter Hartright, is approached while alone on a dark road by a mysterious woman in distress who is dressed all in white.

The woman, Anne Catherick, asks for directions, and Hartright helps her find a cab to take her to her destination. In the next few paragraphs, Hartright witnesses a man in a carriage tell a policeman that a woman escaped from his asylum. She was dressed all in white! Now the reader is hooked for sure.

Hartright continues to his new position at Limmeridge House where he meets his students, half-sisters Marian Halcombe and Laura Fairlie. They live in the estate home of Laura’s uncle and guardian, the hilarious curmudgeon, Mr. Fairlie. Hartright notices Laura bears a striking resemblance to the woman in white, and he tells them the story of his meeting with Anne Catherick.

Walter and Laura fall in love, but Laura, who will receive a large sum of money upon marriage, is engaged to be married to Sir Percival Glyde, a man she does not love. Hartright is forced into a heartbreaking withdrawal.

When Glyde arrives at the estate prior to the marriage, he seems genial enough, but there’s something edgy and uncomfortable about him. The young women discover he was responsible for committing Anne Catherick to a mental institution.

Percival Glyde and Laura Fairlie marry, and it soon becomes apparent that he wants her to sign over her inheritance to him. Tension builds between Laura and Percival. The stakes are further raised when Anne Catherick appears again and indicates she has a secret about Percival Glyde that will destroy him, but she doesn’t reveal it.

By the time Walter Hartright reenters the story, he is told Laura is dead and Anne Catherick has been sent back to a mental institution. Marian Halcombe is convinced foul play was involved in Laura’s death, and she and Hartright begin an amateur sleuth investigation into the situation. They are especially interested in the “secret” Anne Catherick had. They track Anne to an asylum where they make a shocking discovery.

I’ll stop there so I don’t give away the ending.

* * *

I mentioned several of the major characters above, but there are ten characters that offer first person accounts at different points in the story. Although we sometimes think we need to limit the number of POV characters, I think the “witness” narratives are effective here. In my opinion, having the story emerge through the eyes of various characters is an effective way to put the puzzle together one piece at a time until the reader finally gets to see the whole picture.

* * *

There are several movies of The Woman in White. The one we have is the Masterpiece Theatre version, and I recommend it. The acting is very good. Although the movie changes some of the story and shortens it considerably, it’s a great introduction to TWIW.

* * *

So TKZers: Have you read The Woman in White or seen any of the various movies? What are your thoughts? Have you used the method of telling a story through the eyes of different characters? What’s your favorite mystery novel?

 

  Cassie Deakin investigates a forty-year-old murder mystery and comes face-to-face with a killer who will stop at nothing to keep his secret.

Available at  AmazonBarnes & NobleKoboGoogle Play, or Apple Books.

Designated Writing Space

It’s incredible how a designated workspace triggers the mind. For years, I had an office. As soon as I sat at my desk — headphones on, music cranked — my mind knew to write.

I imagine many who work from home have a similar routine, and it all comes down to having a designated workspace.

When I moved three weeks ago, I lost my office. It threw me off my game, and I couldn’t fathom why. Had my office contributed that much to my productivity? Or maybe I needed to find a new writing routine.

I tried writing with my MacBook in my lap on the recliner. Squeaked out some words, but nowhere near my daily norm.

I tried the couch. Still didn’t work. My mind kept drifting, my thoughts scattered.

I even tried writing in my bedroom. Still nothing.

As I mentioned, I had an office in my former house. I also had a thinking chair used only for times when I needed to wiggle out of an unexpected plot twist, or how to get from A to B when I zigged instead of zagged. Nature walks aren’t possible during a snowy New England winter, so I couldn’t do that, either.

Not once did I ever use either spot for anything else. I didn’t relax in my office, nor did I unwind in my thinking chair. Separating the two helped my productivity tenfold.

That’s when it hit me—my Ah-ha! moment, if you will.

After thirteen years of the same writing routine, why would I expect the same output when I’d been mashing up my designated spaces? Could I be flexible in how I approach my writing life? Sure, but not before I had a set routine in place.

For me, I needed:

  • Designated thinking spot
  • Designated workspace
  • Designated place for R&R

The above helps to keep me on track and moving forward. Does that mean I can’t write anywhere else once I had a regular writing routine? Of course not. But having a daily routine and designated workspace helps fuel my creativity.

Sure enough, once I separated my writing space, with my wide monitor and headphones in place, the words flowed. Since I can be a bit set in my routine, I also designated a thinking spot in front of a window that faces the woods where wildlife plays.

Am I the only one who needs structure? Do you have a designated workspace? What about a separate thinking spot? Tell us about it in the comments.

***Just FYI: We’re on the tail end of a blizzard, with heavy ice on power lines and trees. I hope we don’t lose power but… who knows?

Drinks, Dinner, and Mystery

by Debbie Burke

@burke_writer

Photo credit: Flickr CC by 2.0

As a kid, I played the Clue board game, but otherwise I don’t know much about gaming. When mystery dinner parties recently crossed my radar, I became curious. A game night with drinks, dinner, and a crime to solve sounded intriguing. As a writer, I wondered:

Who writes the scripts?

Where do you find them?

How do mystery dinners work?

Is script writing a worthwhile option for authors to try?

To answer these questions, I snooped around a Florida snowbird community where a mystery dinner party had been held a couple of weeks ago.

The party hosts are Suzanne and Michael Fitzsimmons, originally from Colorado where they planned social events at a club they owned. After snow-birding for several years, they moved to Florida permanently and host frequent mystery dinners with varied themes. Suzanne says, “It’s a good way for casual acquaintances to become friends and bring the community closer together.”

Before sending invitations, Suzanne talks with residents to match personalities with roles.

That led to my interviews with four party guests.

Judie and Dru Gilliland are retired farmers from Ohio. Judie describes herself as being on the shy side although she’s not shy about her alma mater Ohio State (“Go Buckeyes!”). Their daughter describes Dru’s personality: “Dad could be in the middle of China and he’d find someone he knew.”

Kristen and Joe MacLellan live on Prince Edward Island, Canada and spend winters in Florida. Before retirement, Kristen owned a day care and Joe was a bank manager. Initially Kristen was reluctant to accept the party invitation because of shyness but said, “Joe was all over it like a dirty shirt.” Their nine grandkids call him the “Silly Grandad.”

Parties are built around themes and holidays like a Halloween haunted house, Scrooge’s Christmas murder, a cruise ship, and even a Hillbilly Wedding. Suzanne buys mystery game sets that include scripts, character roles, and descriptions.

She caps the guest list at eight to 10 people. Then she sends invitations that assign each person to play a character and suggests costumes. According to Judie, thrift shops are excellent places to shop for those outfits.

The setting for this party is a Napa Valley vineyard during a wine festival. Five years before, the vineyard’s owner Barry Underwood disappeared and the body had been buried under the wood floor in the wine cellar (humorous names are mandatory). When an earthquake destroys the floor, the body is revealed, and party guests must solve the crime.

Suspects include:

Ralph Rottingrape, the victim’s cousin who took over running the vineyard after Underwood’s disappearance.

Otto Von Schapps, played by Dru. He’s a loud, boisterous German wine merchant who wears lederhosen and suspenders and flashes lots of cash. “Perfect part for him,” Judie says. “Except I don’t flash cash,” Dru adds.

Kristen MacLellan as Marilyn Merlot

Kristen plays Marilyn Merlot whose costume is a billowy white dress, platinum wig, and long gloves. In this photo, Kristen’s shyness is forgotten as she recreates the famous scene from Seven Year Itch. “Too bad the fan wasn’t up to the task,” she laments.

Two characters are assigned to play the sleuths:

Joe is Bud Wizer, an FBI agent with beer logos on his t-shirt and cap. He’s armed with a six-pack.

Bud Wizer and Marilyn Merlot

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Judie is Bonnie Lass, a Scottish mystery author, making her ideally suited to solve crimes. She wears a tartan skirt, knee socks, and a narrow brim fedora.

During cocktail hour, host Michael bartends while Suzanne hands out booklets for guests to read that outline the plot.

Over salad, characters introduce themselves and read their part of the script. Each receives an envelope containing a clue that’s unique to that character. All have motives for murder, but only the killer knows his or her identity and that person reads from a different script.

While dinner goes on in a light-hearted atmosphere, characters warm to their roles with accents, flamboyant gestures, and ad libs. Joe improvised by adding a blackmail subplot that wasn’t in the script.

After dessert, everyone tries to guess the killer’s identity. At this party, only Dru and Judie guessed correctly. The identity was revealed to me but, sorry, I’m sworn to secrecy.

The evening is hailed as an entertaining success and Suzanne and Michael are on to planning the next party in March with a different theme and a new guest list.

Researching more game details, I found party kits range from $25 to $200+, depending on complexity and sophistication. Basic sets usually include invitation forms, name tags, scripts, and menu suggestions to fit the theme. Higher-end sets offer those options plus decorations, props, costumes, party souvenirs, and prizes.

Kits are tailored to different age groups from young children to teens to adults. Selections are mostly G-rated, without onstage violence.

Scripts can be similar to the Clue board game where victim, weapon, and murderer vary each time. Others feature set scripts that are not changeable.

If a murder dinner party is for profit where admission is charged or tickets are sold, a commercial license must be purchased (usually $200-250).

Variations offer options where all guests, even the host, can be suspects. For those, each person is assigned a number beforehand. At the beginning of the party, guests draw slips with corresponding numbers from a bowl. People are instructed to keep a straight face when they open slips. Most say “innocent” but one says “guilty.” Only the “guilty” player knows who they are.

Two scripts are provided to players—one to be followed if they’re innocent, a different one if they’re guilty.

Can you earn income by writing mystery party scripts? I found one site that accepts submissions but doesn’t mention compensation. Mastersofmystery.com‘s application outlines qualifications:

  • Exceptional storytelling skills with a passion for creating captivating narratives.

  • Strong writing and editing abilities, with a keen eye for detail.

  • Creativity and the ability to think critically to construct intricate murder mystery plots.

  • Excellent communication and collaboration skills to work effectively within a multidisciplinary team.

  • Previous experience in game writing, scriptwriting, or a related field is a plus.

 

I also found one successful business built around mystery party games. Dr. Bon Blossman is a physiologist with a passion for gaming, party planning, and writing. She combined all three into Mymysteryparty.com.

Blossman recalls:

“When I launched My Mystery Party in 2006, I handled everything—from game development and web design to customer service and shipping.”

The enterprise grew quickly. By 2009, Blossman was teaching as a post-doc and adjunct professor when realization hit her:

“My games and mystery novels had surpassed my academic income, leading me to become a full-time mystery party game developer and YA author.”

Her website showcases more than 100 games she’s written, with titles like the “Nancy Crew Mystery Series,” “Game of Crowns,” and “Twas the Night Before Murder.” The site includes videos, how-to articles, and an extensive storefront with related merchandise.

After almost 20 years in business, Blossman remains committed and hands-on:

“While I now have an amazing team assisting with party packs, phones, social media, and customer inquiries, I still develop every game and co-manage the websites, among other things.”

Her creativity, entrepreneurship, and hard work paid off.

“They say to turn your hobby into a career—and that’s exactly what I did!”

Encouraging words for all of us struggling authors.

During my interview with Suzanne, she mentioned, “I’d like to host an all-girl party,” for women who want to play the game, but their husbands resist.

That prompted an idea. Could I write the mystery dinner party script she wants? I’m always game (sorry) for a new challenge. Hmmm.

What if a guy who’d been married eight times is murdered and the ex-wives are all suspects…?

~~~

TKZers: Have you ever attended a mystery dinner party? Have you hosted one? To stretch writing muscles, would you try creating a script?

~~~

Looking for a cheap thrill? For a limited time, Deep Fake Double Down is on sale for only $.99.

Winner of the 2023 BookList Award for Best Mystery. 

Sales link

Bad Decisions

Every choice comes with a consequence. —Roy T. Bennett

* * *

Human history is strewn with the results of bad decisions.

  • Someone decided to fill the Hindenburg airship with hydrogen rather than helium. Thirty-six people died.
  • The captain of the Titanic decided to maintain speed through the icy waters of the North Atlantic even though icebergs had been reported in the area. More than fifteen hundred people died.
  • Napoleon decided to invade Russia and lost most of his army. Nearly a million people died.

* * *

Sometimes a disaster isn’t the result of just one bad decision, but many small ones.

Take the story of the Titan missile disaster, for example. (Most of the facts cited here were taken from the This American Life podcast, Episode 634. A transcript can be found here.)

As most of us know, there are missile silos located all over the United States. They house intercontinental ballistic missiles that are armed with nuclear warheads intended to keep us safe by preventing bad actors from trying to attack the U.S.

Missile sites are placed deep underground with heavily insulated control centers nearby, and lots and lots of concrete and steel between the silo and the outside world.

Now you might think ICBMs just sit in their silos waiting for something to happen. But actually, the missiles have to be maintained just like any other manmade artifact. You would think that such a high-stakes situation would be so closely monitored that nothing could go wrong.

You would think.

In September 1980, the Titan II missile in Damascus, Arkansas was scheduled for maintenance. The Titan II, at that time the most powerful weapon in the American nuclear arsenal, was loaded with two different liquid fuels in separate compartments rather than the solid fuel used in later missiles. If the highly volatile, toxic liquid fuels escaped or met unexpectedly, there could be a disaster.

Two young men were assigned the maintenance task. The first one, we’ll call him Primary Worker, was experienced. The second, let’s call him Trainee, was in training.

The task was straightforward. One of the missile’s fuel tanks was low on pressure, so all they had to do was take off a cap and add some fuel.  Sort of like pumping gas into your car. Primary Worker was familiar with the procedure. No problem.

In order for the work to begin, however, the hydraulic platform, which was like an elevator that went up and down the side of the missile, had to be lowered. But there was a problem with the platform, and the maintenance guys had to wait for a couple of hours while workers fixed it.

At this point, it was late Friday afternoon, heading into evening. You can just imagine two young men who are eager to meet friends and start the weekend being told there was a delay. It must have been frustrating. We all know what it’s like when we have something planned, but somebody throws a wrench into the works. (This will be extremely meaningful later.)

Finally, the hydraulic platform was repaired. The two young men donned their protective suits and started down the long tunnel to the silo. At some point, they realized they had forgotten the torque wrench that was required for the job.

Rather than causing a further delay by getting out of his suit, following all the protocol of going back to his truck to retrieve the torque wrench, and then redoing everything, Primary Worker made Bad Decision #1: ignore the regulation and use a huge, two-piece ratchet wrench which he had with him. Trainee questioned the decision, but Primary Worker said he’d done it before, and it was not a problem.

The two men proceeded to the silo and took the hydraulic platform up. When it stopped, they were roughly eighty feet above the base of the missile.

The platform had a rubber bumper that was supposed to be flush against the side of the missile to prevent anything from dropping, but the equipment was old, and there was a gap between the platform and the missile.

The two men used the ratchet wrench to remove the cap from the missile. Everything went smoothly.

Bad decision #2: One of the men handed his part of the wrench to the other one. The other man dropped it.

Are you getting worried yet?

The socket fell between the platform and the side of the missile. Of course, it gained momentum as it plummeted eighty feet. My husband calculated it was probably going about fifty mph when it hit the thrust ring that the missile sat atop, bounced, and—you guessed it—punctured a hole in the side of the missile. Fuel began to spray out. What are the chances?

At this point, the maintenance men should have radioed the control center and told them about the accident. They didn’t.

Bad decision #3: Instead of contacting the control center and owning up to what had happened, Primary Worker simply called in and said there was a cloud of vapor coming out of the side of the rocket. The maintenance men were ordered back to the control center.

Alarms began to sound in the control center. Horns were going off, lights were flashing, and people there were rushing around trying to understand the problem, but it didn’t make sense because they didn’t have the whole picture.

When the maintenance men got back to the control center, they saw the chaos that was in progress, but they made Bad decision #4: they still didn’t let the authorities know that the side of the missile had been punctured. Since the fuel compartments were pressurized, at some point enough fuel would leak out, the bottom compartment would collapse, and there would probably be an explosion. But the people in the control center didn’t know how to treat the problem because they didn’t know what the problem was.

Finally, one of the controllers suspected the maintenance men were holding something back, so he approached them and insisted that they say exactly what had happened. They finally came clean.

When the truth became clear, the people in the control center realized an explosion was imminent. They contacted their superiors.

The question was whether to remain in the control center which was designed to withstand a nuclear hit, or to evacuate.

Bad decision #5: The commanding officer ordered them to evacuate.

When the explosion came, there were men outside in the fields and woods around the complex. Huge chunks of metal and concrete debris, some as large as a school bus, rained down. The lid of the silo, a 1.5-million pound slab of concrete and steel, was hurled over 500 feet.

The nuclear warhead ejected from the missile and landed in a ditch a quarter mile away from the silo. It didn’t detonate. If it had … well, let’s not think about that.

So there you have it. A perfect storm of bad decisions. At each stage, the stakes were raised that led to a disaster.  It could have been worse.

Incidentally, the accident prompted a change in regulations. Workers now have to attach their tools to themselves by a lanyard. Good decision.

* * *

Although we try to avoid making bad decisions in real life, they can be the stuff of great fiction. After all, bad decisions are usually born out of base human fallacies: fear, hubris, anger, greed, envy, lust, impatience, frustration… The list goes on. And these make wonderful fodder for storytelling. As each bad choice is made in a story, it ratchets (pun intended) up the tension. Each new decision raises the stakes and ensures the reader will turn the page.

Think of some of the great fictional examples of bad choices.

  • The Trojans decided to accept the gift of a wooden horse from the Greeks.
  • The mayor of Amity Island in the movie Jaws decided to keep the beaches open even though there had been a shark sighted in the area.
  • Scientists decided to use DNA extracted from fossilized mosquitoes to create dinosaurs in Jurassic Park.

It just goes to show you:

Bad choices make good stories.Rajkumar Hirani

* * *

So TKZers: Can you think of any examples of bad decision-making from books you’ve read? How about characters in your own books. Have they made bad choices?

 

 

Private pilot Cassie Deakin has to decide whom she can trust while she’s looking for a murderer. Her bad choices almost get her killed.

Available at  AmazonBarnes & NobleKoboGoogle Play, or Apple Books.

 

Three Easy Fixes for Common Craft Problems

Photo credit: Public domain

by Debbie Burke

@burke_writer

Author and professor William Kittredge once told me good writing should be like water—invisible. It should flow so smoothly that a reader becomes engaged in the story and forgets that they are reading.

Minor details can disrupt that flow. These small craft issues aren’t usually fatal, but they’re annoying to readers.

Often, the problems are unconscious habits the writer isn’t even aware of. The same habits tend to pop up all the way through a manuscript.

Fortunately, once the writer becomes aware of them, they’re easy fixes.

Today, let’s discuss three issues I run across frequently as a freelance editor.

  1. Attributions – Starting a scene or chapter with dialogue can work well to pull the reader into the story quickly. But often writers neglect to indicate who’s speaking until several lines (or longer) into the paragraph.

“The heist is in three weeks. We need to hack into their computer for the guard schedule, confirm the inventory, and decide which crates to take. The truck has to be rented using a fake ID. But that requires a commercial driver’s license. We also need someone who can operate a forklift,” John said to his teammates, Paul, George, and Ringo, who were gathered around the table.

 

If you begin with dialogue, place the attribution at or near the beginning of the passage. The reader shouldn’t have to wait a half page to find out who’s talking.

Attributions are especially important in scenes with multiple characters. Don’t make the reader guess which character is talking.

Said or asked are quick efficient tags that don’t draw attention to themselves. An action tag also works well to identify the speaker.

But don’t overdo it—use either a dialogue tag or an action tag, but not both.  

“I don’t like this one bit,” George said and shifted in his chair. “A commercial license is harder to fake.”

John stretched his arms over his head and said. “Well, figure it out because that’s how it’s going to be.”

“I can drive a forklift,” Ringo said.

Paul snorted. “You ran it into a wall last time.”

 

  1. Sentence chronology By chronology, I’m referring to actions that don’t flow in a natural order.

The following example is understandable but far from clear. It requires the reader to jump back and forth in time to follow what’s happening.

Breathless and worried that something weird was going on, Joan flopped in a chair, weary from having climbed three flights of stairs after showing her ID to the security guard when she entered the office building. He had stared at her strangely.

She had asked, “Don’t you recognize my face by now? I’m here every day.”

Because the actions are out of chronological order, the reader must pause to mentally rearrange what happened and when it happened. For a second or two, the reader is distracted and pulled out of the story.

Revision with actions in order:

Joan entered the office building and started to pass the security desk.

“Wait.” The guard rose and blocked her way. “I need to see your ID, please.”

“Don’t you know me by now? I’m here every day.”

He stared at her, one eye squinted, hand extended.

She gave him her badge, but he barely glanced at it before giving it back.

Unsettled, Joan climbed three flights of stairs, growing more breathless with each step. In her cubicle, she flopped into a chair and gasped for air. Did the guard really not recognize her or was something weird going on?

 

  1. Summarize or dramatize.

Years ago in my critique group, a friend was writing her family’s history. She did extensive genealogical research that was interesting but not compelling.

One day, she read an excerpt to us:

My father was buried near the airport where he had crashed the plane.

That was it. No details.

We stared at her open-mouthed. “What crash? When? How?”

“Oh, he didn’t die then. He was on a test flight after an overhaul and a cable pulled loose. The plane went down but he walked away. He died years later from cancer. The cemetery just happened to be near the airport.”

She’d left out the meat of the story by summarizing two major life events into a single sentence.

We all laughed about that bare-bones summation. When she returned with a revision a few weeks later, she had dramatized those incidents into full-fledged scenes.

Recently I read a manuscript about a couple whose 15-year-old daughter has disappeared. The passage is about 20 pages long and I’ve summarized it here:

For years, Marsha and Phil have clashed about how to handle their daughter, who displays peculiar behavior. The girl has run away in the past. But this time, she’s been gone for weeks. They put up posters, contact police, register her with Missing and Exploited Children, etc. Months pass with each parent blaming the other for the daughter’s disappearance. The strain on their marriage becomes unbearable. Then…

When Phil told Marsha that he was moving out, she was relieved.

That’s all the author wrote. She summed up a huge turning point in one declarative sentence.

She had included more details about photocopying posters and the places where they nailed them up than about this sea change in their relationship.

Photo credit: public domain

Writers frequently describe day-to-day minutiae because they believe activities like tooth brushing and making toast bring the character to life. But too many insignificant details are boring. Elmore Leonard’s wise advice is to leave out the parts readers skip over.

The opposite problem is too little detail, like the plane crash example above.

Writers often rush through critical events that radically change the story’s direction.

As we review our stories, we need to identify important events or revelations.  

Dramatize those in scenes.

 We also need to identify unimportant events that fill pages but are only incidental to the story.

 Summarize those.

Summaries work well as transitions to move the story forward to the next turning point. Instead of a blow-by-blow explanation of what happens in the meantime, try summarizing it.

Marsha and Phil spent the next three months searching fruitlessly, making follow-up calls to numerous authorities, and nailing up hundreds of posters around town. They alternated between noisy arguments and silent recriminations. At night, Marsha paced the bedroom while Phil paced downstairs.

One April morning, Phil appeared in the bathroom doorway as Marsha was brushing her teeth.

“I’m moving out,” he said then walked back to the bedroom.

Toothpaste drooled from Marsha’s mouth as she stood frozen and numb, staring at the water-spotted mirror.

A few moments later, Phil reappeared in the reflection, suitcase in hand. “On my way out, I’ll put bread in the toaster for your breakfast.”

Footsteps thudded down the stairs, followed by a brief clattering of dishes. The kitchen door opened then closed.

Marsha was startled to realize her first conscious thought was, Thank God!  

 As you rewrite, keep an eye out for misplaced attributions; sentences that are not in chronological order; scenes that are summarized but should be dramatized, and overwritten scenes that can be reduced to summaries.

These small but significant differences make your writing flow like clear water.

~~~

TKZers: What small, annoying details irritate you when you read? What bothersome, unconscious habits pop up in your own writing?

~~~

Cover by Brian Hoffman

 

Clear waters turn murky when a greedy billionaire covets a cherry orchard on pristine Flathead Lake. Can investigator Tawny Lindholm and attorney Tillman Rosenbaum save the orchard owner after he’s accused of arson and murder?

Debbie Burke’s latest thriller Fruit of the Poisonous Tree is FREE on Kindle Unlimited.

Link

O Writer, Who Art Thou?

“Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.” —Oscar Wilde

* * *

Who are you?

The image above is the Road ID bracelet I wear when I go outside for a run. It’s one of those “just in case” things. The little statement at the bottom of the ID says a lot about me, and not just about running. I like to think that I always finish what I start.

Of course, human beings are complicated organisms, and we can’t summarize someone by just a few words. (That would make them flat characters. 😊)

On the other hand, it is fun to find short phrases that shine a light on who we are and what our attitude toward life is, so I went looking for descriptions that might fit some of the people I know. Here are a few I found interesting:

  1. Make a difference
  2. Make somebody’s day
  3. Living the dream
  4. Grateful beyond words
  5. Child of God
  6. Party animal
  7. Dark Horse
  8. Happy Camper
  9. Hard work makes good luck
  10. Challenges make life interesting
  11. Be consistent
  12. Believe in your dreams
  13. Go the extra mile
  14. Give 100%
  15. If it wasn’t hard, why do it

* * *

Who are you as a writer?

What about our approach to writing? I know people who select a single word to focus on throughout a new year. That never appealed to me until a couple of years ago when I decided to give it a try. Now that we’re at the beginning of 2025 with all our writing goals for the year in place, maybe it’s time to select a word or phrase to post above the desk to help us stay focused all year long.

This year I decided to go for a full phrase. It’s one of my favorite pieces of advice: Festina Lente, Latin for Make haste slowly. Although it seems incongruous, the phrase makes perfect sense. Work as hard as you can, but don’t rush through the job. (I wrote a TKZ blog post about Festina Lente a few years ago that explains where the phrase originated and its relationship to writing.)

But I wanted to add a little extra something to my favorite phrase to make it perfect this year, so I used Google translate to find the Latin equivalents of my additions. I printed it out in Algerian font and hung it above my desk.

Festina Lente
Cum
Alacritate,
Gratia, et
Voluntate

Looks impressive, eh? It means Make haste slowly with enthusiasm, gratitude, and determination. If I feel myself moving toward that “things aren’t going the way I want them to” sinkhole, I look at my little sign and remember what I’m supposed to be concentrating on.

* * *

Defining ourselves in just a few words may seem like an academic exercise, but it can also focus our work and attitude on the things that we feel are most important.

“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.” —Ralph Waldo Emerson

* * *

So TKZers: What word or phrase would you use to define yourself? Your writing? Do you have a word or phrase to concentrate on during 2025?

 

 

“a spectacular tale of a decades-old murder mystery, human drama, and a hint of romance” —Prairie Book Reviews

Available at  AmazonBarnes & NobleKoboGoogle Play, or Apple Books.

 

Starting a New Series: 5 Questions

By Elaine Viets

Last year, I started a new mystery series. It’s been a long road to publication, including five rewrites.

My editor liked my Angela Richman, death investigator series. But I longed to write another series set in south Florida.

Here’s the new cover.

 

In Sex and Death on the Beach, Norah McCarthy owns the Florodora apartments. Plumbers repairing the pool discover the body of porn star Sammie Lant, notorious for having sex on the beach with a college football star. When more bones are uncovered, Norah is shocked to her core.

When I start a new series, I have to answer five questions: who, what, where, when and why.

Who is my main character? She’s Norah McCarthy, age 41. Norah owns the most exclusive apartment building in Peerless Point, Florida. The Florodora is more than a hundred years old, the first apartment building in this south Florida beach town between Fort Lauderdale and Miami.

You don’t need money or social status to rent an apartment at the Florodora. You must be a member of a more exclusive group. You have to be a genuine Florida Man or Woman. You’ve seen the headlines: “Florida Man Busted with Meth, Guns and Baby Gator in Truck.” Or: “Florida Woman Bathes in Mountain Dew in Attempt to Erase DNA after Committing Murder.”

Yes, those are real headlines.

Norah is descended from an early Florida Woman, her grandmother, Eleanor Harriman.

Grandma always had a soft spot for scapegraces, since she was one herself. She was a Florodora Girl, a superstar chorus girl a century ago. Grandma was in the 1920 Broadway production of Florodora, before she eloped with handsome Johnny Harriman, a millionaire, back when a million was real money. She was married at sixteen and madly in love.

When Norah was old enough, Grandma told her about poor Johnny’s accidental death, which involved a champagne bottle and a chandelier.

“I loved that man,” Grandma said. “I’m glad he died happy.”

Johnny’s death made Grandma a rich widow at seventeen. She moved to south Florida and built an apartment building right on the ocean in 1923, on a narrow barrier island.

What am I writing? A funny cozy mystery.

You’d be surprised how many mystery authors aren’t sure if they’re writing a cozy, a thriller, or a traditional mystery. Answering this question will set the tone and pace for your novel.

Where is it set? This Florida Beach series is set in mythical Peerless Park, a beach town between Fort Lauderdale and Miami, which has much in common with Hollywood, Florida, where I currently live.

When is it set? Right now in the present day, with occasional trips back in time when Norah’s grandmother was still alive.

Why write a new series?

Let me tell you about my latest walk on Hollywood beach, near my home. I was on the Broadwalk. That’s  not a typo, that’s what the city calls the wide walkway of pink pavers along the beach.

It was close to sunset on a sparkling bright day. The light was soft, the air was brisk, and the sky was smeared shades of flamingo pink and purple.

Against this colorful background, I heard German, English and Spanish. I saw a smiling shirtless man wearing earbuds dance the mambo on the Broadwalk. He followed the steps perfectly: Step. Pause. Other foot. Pause. And repeat.

Right after the mambo dancer, another man was loading a stunning macaw with long indigo tailfeathers into his van. A third man was rocking gently in a rainbow-colored hammock.

And last, but not least, four people were setting up for a beach wedding, assembling a five-feet tall rose petal heart as the backdrop for the couple’s seaside ceremony.

I wanted to write about Florida’s life and color. That’s how my Florida Beach series was born. Yes, I know there’s much to dislike about Florida, from the humidity to the hurricanes and more. Look at any news site, and you’ll find at least one story proving some residents of the Sunshine State are a little dim.

But Florida has its own brand of wackiness that appeals to someone with a slightly skewed sense of humor.

Like me.

Preorder your copy of Sex and Death on the Beach here: bit.ly/3W6Y2Rp