Tag Archives: #WritingCommunity

Talent vs. Grit

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Talent (noun): a natural skill or ability to be good at something, especially without being taught.

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A couple of weeks ago, James Scott Bell mentioned the enormous talent of James Cagney, and that got me wondering about just what talent is and how much it plays a part in success.

We’ve all heard sports scouts talk about athletes who are “naturals.” They’re highly recruited for what seems to be their inborn ability to play the game. Most of us don’t have that kind of obvious talent, but each of us has certain inborn abilities that we can capitalize on. But how can we identify what we’re really good at? One way is by taking a talent test.

I’m not a particular fan of personality tests or talent identification tests. I think testing for specific skills is more useful. But in preparation for writing this blog post, I took a talent quiz at ProProfs. (I have no idea if their test is a reliable judge of specific talent, but I thought it would be fun to see their assessment.)

Among other things, the results indicated that I have a creative flair for story-telling. That was encouraging, but it doesn’t mean I’ll be able to wip (misspelling intended) out a 70,000 word masterpiece while sipping my raspberry-coconut smoothie and having my nails done. It won’t solve the plot problems I’m having with my next book or teach me more about the genre-specific structure I need. It also won’t do much to ensure my text is error-free or help me format and upload the book to the major retail sites. For all those, I need something more.

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Grit (noun): firmness of character; indomitable spirit; pluck.

The answer may lie in an individual’s passion and perseverance, otherwise known as “grit.” While talent may give you a head start in life, it’s grit that will get you over the finish line.

A 2013 article in Forbes magazine identified five characteristics of people who have grit.

  1. Courage – The ability to manage the fear of failure.
  2. Conscientiousness – Working tirelessly, trying to do a good job, and finishing the task at hand.
  3. Endurance – Having the stamina to achieve long-term goals.
  4. Resilience – The ability to remain optimistic and confident in the face of unforeseen problems.
  5. Excellence vs Perfection – Striving for excellence, not perfection.

The Forbes article also quotes from a 1907 speech by Theodore Roosevelt that illustrates the essence of true grit:

It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strived valiantly; who errs, who comes again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly.

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Finally, in a Psychology Today article, Michael D. Matthews, PhD, argues that neither talent nor grit alone will lead to success.

The message here is clear. Grit is indeed a critical factor in achievement. But it is best applied to tasks and goals for which you have the innate talent and interest to sustain growth. Engage in honest self-appraisal and identify what you have the physical and cognitive skills to be good at, then use your grit to fan the talent flame. Love what you are good at and be good at what you love. Your talent will only take you so far; you need grit to be great. And accomplishing difficult tasks provides a foundation for a life of meaning and purpose.

 

So there you have it. Talent and Grit. You need both to make the cut.

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So TKZers: Have you ever taken a quiz to identify your talents? How would you compare talent and grit in writing? Which of the five characteristics of grit in this article do you most identify with?

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Another Side of Sunshine: A Reen & Joanie Detective Agency Novel 

10-year-old Reen and her 9-year-old cousin Joanie have plenty of talent and grit, but is that enough to find the treasure hidden by the mysterious Mr. Shadow?

Click the image to go to the Amazon book page.

The Backwards Law for Writers

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I stumbled across the subject of The Backwards Law by accident—a happy accident that led me to The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck. Excellent book that I devoured in two sittings.

The Backwards Law proposes the more we pursue something, the less satisfied we become. For writers, the constant pursuit of “more” causes us to feel horrible about where we are and what we’ve achieved. The harder we try, the less likely we are to succeed.

On the surface, it seems like the opposite of perseverance, doesn’t it? But it’s not. The Backwards Law goes much deeper than that.

Think of it this way:

  • Trying too hard to be creative or write something brilliant often leads to writer’s block, self-doubt, and a feeling of being disconnected from the work.
  • Only focusing on the end result—recognition, success, publication—causes unnecessary anxiety and pressure.
  • The fear of making mistakes or writing poorly will paralyze a writer and often will lead to abandoning the WIP.

“Wanting a positive experience is a negative experience; accepting a negative experience is a positive experience.” Mark Manson – The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck.

Alan Watts, the philosopher who coined the phrase, describes The Backwards Law as being in a lake. If you relax and put your head back, you’ll float. But the more you struggle and flail to try to stay afloat, the more you will sink.

Often our search for “more” has the opposite effect. It shines a spotlight on what we lack.

Life Examples

  • The more we cling to a loved one, the more they will feel suffocated and in need of space.
  • The more we obsess about accumulating money, the more poor and unworthy we will feel.
  • The more we pursue trying to feel happier all the time, the more we will reinforce this idea that we are fundamentally lacking and irreparable.

Do you even know what you want?

Sure, selling millions of copies of your book sounds great, but is that why you wrote it? Or maybe, you can’t define what you’re chasing. You just want more.

“Two reasons that you don’t really know what you want. Number one: you have it. Number two: you don’t know yourself, because you never can. The Godhead is never an object of its own knowledge, just as a knife doesn’t cut itself, fire doesn’t burn itself, light doesn’t illuminate itself.” ~ Alan Watts

In The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck, Mark Manson tells the story of a talented young guitarist who was kicked out of his band in 1983, after they had just been signed by a record label. No warning. No reason given. No discussion. They woke him up and handed him a bus ticket.

After much self-pity on the ride home to LA, the guitarist vowed to start a new group that would be so successful, his old band would seethe with jealously. And so, with only that thought in mind, he worked tirelessly to find the best musicians. He wrote dozens of songs. Practiced day and night. Revenge became his muse.

Within two years, a record label signed his new band. One year later, their first record went gold. The guitarist’s name? Dave Mustaine, lead guitarist in the heavy metal band Megadeath, which went on to sell over 25 million albums and tour the world many times. Mustaine is considered one of the most influential musicians in the history of heavy metal music.

Sounds like the story has a happy ending, right?

Not quite.

The band who kicked him out was Metallica, which has sold over 180 million albums worldwide and is considered by many to be one of the greatest rock bands of all time.

Because of Metallica’s fame, Mustaine considered himself a failure. Despite all he’d accomplished, in his mind, he would always be the guy who got kicked out of Metallica and nothing more. Whether he realized it or not, Mustaine used Metallica’s success and popularity as his life-defining measuring stick. Even after all of Megadeath’s success, he could never be happy, because he based his self-worth and music career on something he had no control over.

This story perfectly illustrates The Backwards Law in action.

Accept imperfection and you’ll feel perfect. Accept loneliness and you’ll feel content alone. Accepting a negative experience is a positive experience. But fighting a negative experience means you’ll suffer twice.

  • When we stop trying to be happy, we’ll be happy because there’s nothing we need beyond what is.
  • When we stop trying to be rich or massively successful, we’ll live in abundance because we’re content with what we have and anything on top of that is a bonus.

Thus, the only way to have what we want is not to want it. And that’s what The Backwards Law teaches us.

Being aware of the workings of The Backwards Law doesn’t mean that we should never set goals, never have ambitions, or never chase our dreams. Rather, The Backwards Law teaches us not to be fooled by the idea that the pursuit of happiness (whatever that looks like to you) leads to happiness. When in fact, the opposite is true. And with that knowledge, we’re able to enter the blissful state of enjoying the journey.

“The mystery of life is not a problem to be solved but a reality to be experienced.” ~ Alan Watts

How do we get what we want without trying?

Depends on what we want. If we strive to write the best damn book we can, the following tips should help.

Mindful Writing: Practice mindfulness while writing. It’ll help you become more aware of your thoughts and feelings without judgment, allowing you to be more present in the moment.

Step Away: It’s okay to step away from the WIP to clear your head. Go for a walk. Take a shower. Read a book. Exercise. I do this all the time when I’m working out a plot issue. Nine times out of ten, the answer reveals itself as soon as I stop thinking about it.

Accept Imperfection: Give yourself permission to make mistakes in early drafts. It’ll allow you to experiment and explore different ideas without fear.

Stay Present: Enjoy the journey of bringing your idea to life. Have fun with your characters. Revel in that perfect sentence or paragraph you wrote yesterday, then continue on.

The Backwards Law for writers is about shifting from a place of striving and pressure to a place of flow and acceptance. 

By letting go of the need to control the outcome and embrace the process, we’ll unlock creativity and produce more authentic and fulfilling work.

Have you heard of The Backwards Law? It’s as true for writing as it is for life.

Moving and Writing

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Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance, you must keep moving. —Albert Einstein

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I’ve mentioned over the past few weeks that my husband and I have moved to a new home. It’s been a long, hard effort, but now we’re in the new place and trying to regain some sense of normalcy.

One thing getting back to normal means is writing a post for TKZ. So now, I sit at my desk, surrounded by towers of boxes and ponder what I should write about while the aroma of fresh cardboard and packing tape wafts through the house. Since I do so love analogies about writing, there’s my subject: How are moving and writing related.

The Big Adventure

Moving starts as an adventure. Maybe it’s a new job or a better living situation or some other reason to change addresses. There’s a lot of anticipation mixed with a little anxiety. Lists are made, forms are ordered, lots of organization is put in place. Whatever the reason, the excitement builds as moving day nears.

Same with a new novel. A great idea suddenly crystallizes and you realize you have a theme for a new book. The best yet. You begin to draft out character sketches and a general plot line. You set up Scrivener for the new work and put together a project plan with a schedule. You stand at the mountaintop looking over the landscape and imagine the journey ahead.

The Trek Goes On … and On

If you’re lucky, you’ll hire a moving company to pack and move everything. But what’s the adventure in that? To keep the analogy with writing, you’ll have to do your own packing. You go through the house and decide what can be given away, sold, or stored. You order packing materials and spend weeks knee deep in boxes, bubble wrap, and permanent markers. But it’s taking longer than you thought, and the whole task of packing boxes has become hard work. You have to decide what to keep and what to let go. At some point, you ask yourself “Whose idea was this, anyway?”

Writing is a little less physically demanding. Day after day, you pack Scrivener with new scenes, and your creativity is firing on all cylinders. Finally, you’re deep into the story. Then you hit a wall, and you back up to look at what you’ve accomplished so far. It’s just a mess, and you have to decide what to throw away. You can keep everything, but then your new story will be a jumble of scenes rather than a carefully crafted book, so a serious pruning job is in order.

Persistence Pays Off

That’s when it hits you. Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea after all. But you’ve already invested heavily in the story or the move, so you keep going forward. Not quite as excited, but shoulder to the wheel. The message in your head is no longer “Woo-hoo,” but more like “Put one foot in front of the other.”

It seems like ages before those boxes are all packed or the chapters are written. The movers come and transfer all the furniture to the new place. You have a fully finished first draft. It still doesn’t look so pretty, but at least you’re beginning to see the story behind the jumble.

Revision

So now you move into unpacking mode, putting things where they belong, discarding boxes, and cleaning up. In a novel, this would be the final draft. Rearranging the chapters and rewriting.

The work is long and sometimes boring. But occasionally you’ll stumble onto some little artifact that makes you realize how nice the finished product will be. It takes forever to unpack, fit things into their new environment, and get the household in order.

Slowly, day by day, the pieces begin to fit together to form a cohesive whole. The house is set, the novel is written, and the job is done.

The End … for now

It’s time to sip champagne, take a short rest, and then get to work on marketing.

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So TKZers: How do you deal with the confusion that surrounds moving or writing? Do you keep plugging away knowing everything will come out well? How do you celebrate when the big move or book release is over?

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Spunky 10-year-old Reen and her shy, 9-year-old cousin Joanie never stop moving while they hunt for a treasure left by the mysterious Mr. Shadow. Along the way, they learn the value of persistence, teamwork, and fair play.

Click the image to go to the Amazon book page.

 

Reader Friday-That Stinky Mood

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Thinking back to my teenage years, it seems like I was in a bad mood about something most of the time. You’d think I would have outgrown those sour moods by now. Sigh.

I don’t get moody as much anymore, nor (heaven forbid!) about the same life stuff as when I was younger, but sometimes a mood strikes—one that causes me to slam my laptop closed and walk away.

You?

I ran across this website the other day:  Moods and Writing

It contains 5 tips for shooing away the doldrums in order to get back to work.

Listen to some upbeat [or your favorite] music.

 

“Music affects mood, so choose something that gets you happy and dancing. Try listening to it for just 5 minutes before you start writing, and see if your session doesn’t go better than you thought it would.”

 

Eat some dark chocolate. (My favorite!)

“Chocolate is good for you, and studies have also found that it can boost levels of the good-mood neurotransmitter, “serotonin,” in your brain. It also boosts dopamine levels, which will give you more energy. As if you needed another excuse to eat some chocolate! Just try to be sure it has at least 70 percent cocoa.”

Give someone a hug.

“A loved one, friend, pet—give someone a quick hug before you start writing. It lowers stress and stimulates the release of oxytocin, which helps boost mood.”  (And the cool thing is, you’ll usually get hugged back!)

Dress up. (Not so sure about this one, but hey, it’s worth a try!)

“This can be particularly helpful if you’ve been in sweats all day. Put on something you like and that you think makes you look good. Studies have found that clothes really can affect our mood! (Read more about that here: “What Are You Wearing? Why Writers Should Care”) Better yet, choose something colorful. Green and yellow are associated with happiness, red with energy, and blue with calm.”

Look at nature images—and make sure they contain some green. 

“Studies have found that simply looking at pictures of nature can help relieve stress and put you in a better mood. If you want to boost creativity too, make sure the pictures have some green in them. (In other words, no winter pictures!) Studies have found that green helps stimulate creativity.”

 

TKZers—what would you add to this list? What is your surefire way to combat a stinky mood so you can get on with the fun stuff of writing?

 

Silence the Inner Critic

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“You can be a successful writer, but first you must learn to silence your inner critic.”  ~Rob Bignell

The things we tell ourselves we become. It’s not easy to silence the inner critic, but it’s a crucial step in every writer’s life.

Fear and excitement are two sides of the same neurological coin.

Both emotions activate the sympathetic nervous system, triggering a biological response that includes:

  • Increased heart rate
  • Elevated blood pressure
  • Heightened sensory awareness
  • Release of stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline

The brain’s limbic system, particularly the amygdala, plays a vital role in processing both fear and excitement. Here’s the intriguing part: the amygdala doesn’t distinguish between positive and negative arousal; it merely detects intensity.

We’ve discussed biological and physiological responses to fear before.

  • Increased breathing.
  • Increased heart rate.
  • Peripheral blood vessels in the skin constrict while central blood vessels around vital organs dilate and flood with oxygen and nutrients.
  • Blood pumps the muscles so they’re ready to react.
  • Muscles at the base of each hair tighten, causing piloerection aka goosebumps.
  • Eyebrows raise and pinch together.
  • Upper eyelid raises while the lower tenses.
  • Jaw may slack and part stretched lips.
  • Voice pitch rises, tone strains.
  • Posture either mobilizes or immobilizes or fluctuates between both.
  • Breath shallows.
  • Muscles tighten, especially in the limbs.
  • Increased sweating.

Excitement: Physiological Changes

  • Adrenaline Release: The adrenal glands release adrenaline, causing an increase in heart rate and blood pressure.
  • Increased Respiratory Rate: Breathing becomes faster and shallower to deliver more oxygen to the muscles and brain.
  • Heightened Senses: Pupils dilate, improving vision, and senses become more acute.
  • Muscle Tension: Muscles tense up in preparation for potential action.
  • Blood Flow Redistribution: Blood is directed away from non-essential functions like digestion and towards muscles, preparing for physical activity.
  • Hormonal Changes: Dopamine, associated with pleasure and reward, and cortisol, a stress hormone, may also be involved in the experience of excitement.

While the initial neurological response to fear and excitement may be similar, how we interpret the situation determines the way we experience the emotion. Meaning, we possess the ability to turn fear—the root of self-sabotage—into excitement by changing negative thought patterns.

Flip the script in your head by developing a growth mindset, rather than fixed.

A growth mindset—or in our case, a writing mindset—is rooted in positivity. A fixed mindset is nothing but trouble, steeped in negativity.

  • Where the negative writer sees a problem, the positive writer seizes the opportunity to grow and learn.
  • When the negative writer doesn’t understand something and quits, the positive writer will research, learn, and persevere.
  • Where the negative writer equates criticism to a personal attack, the positive writer accepts the feedback, then takes the time to evaluate and reassess.

*Neither should listen to trolls, scammers, or vitriol*

  • Where the negative writer gets jealous at another’s success, the positive writer swells with hopefulness—if they achieved it, so can you—and admiration.
  • Where the negative writer finds certain tasks like editing tedious and bothersome, the positive writer knows hard work is a worthwhile endeavor.

Writing is a vulnerable act. Alas, we may never escape the inner voice that haunts every writer who ever lived. In fact, it can be helpful at times.

Benefits of the Inner Critic

  • Motivates us to act
  • Keeps us honest and humble
  • Pushes us to succeed. If, and only if, we don’t let it cripple our creativity.

What we do is important.

What we write can touch lives, improve someone’s mood, cure loneliness for a while, or have a positive impact on how they view the world around them.

What we write matters.

Don’t allow the inner critic to rob readers of your voice.

I don’t claim silencing the inner critic is an easy task. Self-sabotage can be merciless.

The next time that tiny voice spits vitriol your way, take a breath and consider why it’s happening.

Are you stressed over a deadline?

Is the story not gelling like you hoped?

Do you need a break from the keyboard?

Even if you can’t uncover why the inner critic came out to play, you can outsmart him by turning fear into excitement. Your brain is already primed and ready!

What are some ways you silence the inner critic?

Millennial Slang for Writers

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A friend told me a millennial at work couldn’t understand the clock on the wall. I’ve heard many stories involving rotary phones and cursive writing, but the clock surprised me.

Even after GenXers explained the hour and minute hand, the young man still couldn’t tell time.

Made me wonder how physicians and specialists would change the screening test for cognitive deficits, particularly in neurological disorders and dementia.

If the patient doesn’t understand an analog clock, never mind be able to draw one, what object could providers substitute for the Clock Drawing Test (CDT)? Or would the CDT become obsolete?

Generational Differences

Generational differences crack me up, but I probably wouldn’t have researched Gen Z slang if I hadn’t been the recipient of a millennial rant about her dating woes — and felt about 100 years old by the end of our conversation.

All generations have their own slang. Back in the day, GenXers used wicked, awesome, mint, rad, fly, sick, and mad to indicate something’s cool. Some even used tubular, groovy, and funky. Millennials use dank, lit, drip, dope, and fire.

When I converse with the younger crowd, I can usually keep up by considering the context in which the slang is used. Not this time. My head spun during my latest conversation.

The young woman used words like:

Benched

DTR

Orbiting

Cloaked

Cuffing season

Breadcrumbed

Love bomber

After this baffling conversation, I looked up millennial slang and found several other words I’d never heard before. If you have a millennial character or a young person in your life, this list may help. Keep track of how many are familiar to you.

Romance writers, take note. 😉

Pocketing

When someone pockets you, they’re keeping your relationship secret from family and friends.

Benching

When one romantic partner likes the other enough to keep dating but not enough to have a serious relationship with them. The term comes from sports, where a coach might keep a player on the bench rather than letting them play in the game. In the context of dating, it means giving someone just enough attention to keep them interested without fully committing to a relationship.

DTR

Acronym for Define The Relationship. Gen Z prefers to ease into a relationship. The first stage is the Talking Phase, where potential romantic partners chat online or via text. The talking phase can last for weeks or months before anyone even suggests an actual date, which typically leads to a situationship. Because dating can be confusing as the couple grows closer, one partner might ask the other to Define The Relationship. Are they building an exclusive relationship that may someday lead to marriage? Or do they prefer to keep it casual and date other people, as well?

Situationship

I like this one. It’s clear and to the point.

Situationships occur when two potential partners have ongoing communication, and it’s acknowledged, either directly or indirectly, that they are interested in each other. Super casual and low commitment, it’s a gray area where the two lovers might act like a couple but haven’t explicitly labelled their situationship or agreed on exclusivity.

Sus

Short for suspicious. Something doesn’t sit well for one partner. Anything can be sus. It’s not exclusively for dating.

Ghosting

One partner disappears from the other’s life, but with a twist. In the mid-20th century, we’d ask a family member to answer the phone and say we were sleeping, in the shower, or not home. Then never return the call.

With the invention of the answering machine in the mid-to-late-20th century, we could screen calls by waiting to hear who was calling. In the late ’80s/early ’90s, it became easier to screen calls with caller ID. Today, because smartphones have a “read receipts” option, ghosting is also called R-bombing: You know the person has read your text, but they don’t reply.

Ghostbusting

A ghostbuster is someone who continues to text and call after being ghosted.

Haunting

When an ex won’t return your call or reply to a text but will keep tabs on you through your social media posts.

Orbiting

Orbiting is a bit like haunting but strictly digitally based. After ghosting you, the orbiter stays in your life by orbiting your social media world, liking posts and watching your Stories and/or Reels.

Caspering

This is the kinder way of ghosting someone. They tell their partner they’ll disappear from their life — essentially a breakup, just not in person.

Submarining

When someone has ghosted their partner, they re-emerge later as if nothing had happened. Similar slang is zombieing, because like a zombie, they come back from the dead and re-enter your world without warning.

Cloaking

The harshest form of ghosting, to be cloaked means your partner not only stood you up for a date with no explanation but also refuses to respond to your calls, texts, and has blocked you on dating apps and social media—anywhere you had previously communicated.

Cuffing or Cuffing Season

This refers to the phenomenon where people look to couple up or enter a serious, often exclusive, relationship during the colder months.

Breadcrumbing

Breadcrumbing is the new “leading someone on.” It occurs when someone gives another person just enough attention or communication to keep them interested, without any intention of committing to a genuine relationship. The term “breadcrumbing” comes from the idea of leaving a trail of breadcrumbs, giving the impression of progress or interest while the trail leads nowhere.

Love Bomber or Love Bombing

Love Bombing is used by individuals to gain control over their partner. It involves overwhelming someone with excessive attention, affection, flattery, and gifts early in the relationship to make them feel special and dependent. The aim is to create a strong emotional bond quickly, making it harder for the targeted person to recognize red flags or leave the situationship.

Fishing

Casting many messages out on various dating apps to see who bites.

Simp

A simp is the classic nice guy who will do anything for the girl he likes, only to be sanctioned to the “friend zone.”

Cushioning

Another dating strategy, where someone maintains a roster of potential romantic interests, or “cushions,” while being in a primary relationship. This practice is done to soften the blow or cushion the emotional impact in case the main relationship fails. It involves flirting, texting, or even casually dating multiple people without any serious commitment to them, providing a backup plan to fall back on.

Dry Dating

The days when young people relied on alcohol for liquid courage are long over with more millennials choosing to go stone-cold-sober on a first date, perhaps even for several dates.

Beige Flag

You’ve heard of red flags and even green flags, but a beige flag is the newest slang on the Gen Z dating block. It’s described as something that’s neither good nor bad but makes the other person pause for a minute when it’s noticed and is usually something odd.

Cookie-jarring

The opposite of benching, you see someone regularly, but she hasn’t Defined The Relationship (DTR). The reason is that she’s also secretly seeing someone else. You are being cookie-jarred in case the relationship with the other guy doesn’t work out.

Kittenfishing

A less severe form of catfishing, kittenfishing is when you’ve been fooled into believing the lies a potential date tells you about who he/she/they is. Lies are usually about age (using an old photo), job, height, etc. As soon as you meet in person, the truth is revealed.

Rizz

Rizz is defined as how successful someone is at attracting or flirting with a potential date due to their charismatic personality or silent charm.

Slow Fade

Like ghosting, but in slow motion. The slow fader first becomes less responsive to texts and calls, starts canceling plans, and eventually stops making new plans.

Curving

In Gen Z dating speak, curving describes the act of politely rejecting someone’s advances without explicitly saying “no.” Instead of directly rejecting the person, they respond in a way that subtly signals disinterest or avoids commitment, often through vague or evasive responses.

Catch and Release

Much like fishing, the playboy likes the thrill of the chase but is no longer interested once they have caught the object of their desire.

Serendipidating

This term combines the concepts of “if it’s meant to be” with “the grass is always greener.” Thus, serendipidating means you are putting off a date just in case someone better comes along.

Tuning

Flirting for the sake of flirting without any interest in any type of relationship.

Marleying

Coined by the dating site eHarmony, Marleying is when you are zombied during the Christmas season, specifically. The name comes from the character in A Christmas Carol, Jacob Marley, who haunted Scrooge. Evidently, according to the dating site’s survey, 1 in 10 singles have been contacted by an ex during the holidays.

Flexting

Flexting is defined both as the act of digital flirting as well as the act of “digital boasting.” A flexter exaggerates about who they are, what they do, or how they look. According to market research, men flext more than women, with 63 percent of women who date online saying they’ve met a flexter versus only 38 percent of men.

Peacocking

This is a courtship term used by animal behaviorists: To get a female’s attention, a male peacock displays its elaborate feathers (other animals do this as well). Peacocking means one person shows off to get another’s attention, dressing up in attention-grabbing clothes or colors, shows off musical talents, or throws around money.

Freckling

Think of freckling as a summer fling. As summer turns to fall and your freckles fade, so does your summer romance.

Mosting

Like love bombing, the moster only loves the thrill of the chase and the act of coming on strong. The moster will likely end up ghosting you once he or she has expressed their undying affection.

Devaluing and Discarding

A process used by toxic and abusive people, it’s a Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde situation. The relationship is a roller-coaster of kindness followed by cruelty, abuse, and toxicity, followed by kindness again. During the relationship, they break down their partner’s confidence, then discards them, leaving them depleted and confused, wondering where things went wrong. First, he devalues, then he discards.

Hoovering

When a toxic or abusive person wants to get back into your life by offering an empty apology.

Flying Monkeys

A Wizard of Oz reference, a flying monkey is recruited by an abuser to help debase their victim. In the movie, the flying monkeys did the dirty work for the Wicked Witch of the West.

Fauxbae’ing

Fauxbae’ers pretend to be involved with someone when they aren’t even dating. It’s a 21st-century concept because the pretending happens online, over social media.

Stashing

Pretty much the opposite of fauxbae’ing, stashing is when you are dating someone, but they keep you a secret from their friends and/or family, and don’t post about you on social media.

Micro-cheating

Cheating… a little. Whatever that means.

Shaveducking

A young woman’s concern that her attraction to someone was simply because she liked his beard.

When I first read this one, it sounded superficial. But then, I realized I’ve been guilty of shaveducking. Hey, chemistry is a fickle beast. You meet a man with a beard. He’s had it for months, and you love his signature style. Then one day, he shaves and doesn’t look anything like the man you’ve been dating.

Sidebarring or Pubbing

When you’re on a date but spend more time looking at your phone than engaging with your date.

Thirst Trap

A thirst trap might involve one partner intentionally posting seductive or flirtatious photos on social media with the aim of garnering attention or arousing jealousy from their significant other. It could be a way to test their partner’s level of interest or to seek validation and reassurance about their attractiveness and desirability within the relationship.

How many did you know? What slang did you use back in the day? Do you use slang in your books?

If you have a Gen Z character, only use one or two slang words in dialogue. Never in the narrative. Caution: using generational slang will date your book and may confuse some readers. If you venture down this path, make sure the context is clear.

How Do You Feel About Social Media, Writers?

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An attention-grabbing headline is known as clickbait. Clicks in the virtual world hold great value. Not to authors, unless we’re running ads that turn into sales. Tech companies, on the other hand, gather data. The more we click, the more valuable we become.

“We are worth more when we are addicted, outraged, polarized, disinformed and so on, than if we’re actually a thriving citizen who is critically examining his or her own choices and trying to make do in the world.” ~ Tristan Harris, technology ethicist

As some of you know, 2025 has been a transformative year for me. I moved two hours south to the seacoast of New Hampshire. I gave myself permission to live life on my terms. I started over. Which isn’t easy later in life. But I needed a fresh start, a blank slate from which true happiness and fulfillment could bloom.

The first step in my journey was to unplug so I could think clearly and rediscover the woman I’d buried long ago. I missed her.

A funny thing happened when I detached from the virtual world. Colors appeared more vibrant. Wildlife still soothed my soul, but I also detected unique patterns in birdsong. I’ve long known patterns exist in nature. The Natural World is an inspiring place. And yet, what I learned surprised me.

Blue jays can count.

Crows and ravens have the same skill, only much more advanced. I never considered other birds might possess a similar superpower, until one day, while I was admiring wildlife at dusk, a lone blue jay called out to his tribe.

Whoop-whoop.

Another jay responded with a single bullet-like note. Sharp. Targeted. Controlled.

The designated leader called again. Whoop-whoop.

And the same receiver added one extra sharp note. The calls continued back and forth. Each time the receiver added an extra bulleted note, waited for the signal, and continued. The cycle stopped once he reached ten. Yes, I counted.

Satisfied with the response, the designated leader moved on to the next jay. Whoop-whoop.

The new receiver let out one sharp note. Waited for the signal, then added a second note. On and on it went until the response reached ten. The designated leader continued to the next jay, and the next, and the next, till the entire tribe was accounted for. Amazing, right? All bird species, it seems, have a roll call of sorts that occurs at dawn and dusk.

I never would’ve discovered that “fun fact” if I had my face buried in my phone.

Could I have spent my free time marketing my books? Sure, but feeding my soul is important. It keeps me grounded, centered, and happy. Lest we not forget there’s a fine line between the writing lifestyle and burnout. Learned that lesson the hard way by trying to do everything, be everywhere, and stay on track with the WIP.

With no ads running and an immediate withdrawal from online activities, my book sales tanked. I didn’t care. I needed solace and solitude. Now, I’m shooting for a more balanced approach. The to-do list and TBR will continue to grow (inevitable for authors) but that’s okay.

Skipping a day or two on social media won’t make or break anyone’s career.

With time away, I also learned the darker side of social media. For one, it is no longer a tool waiting to be used. It’s built to seduce and manipulate us by using our vulnerabilities against us. Algorithms predict how to addict its users. If you believe it’s not an addiction, consider this: The only people who call their customers “users” are drug dealers and tech companies. Every other business calls us patrons, customers, clients, guests, audience members, readers, consumers, etc…

“If you’re not paying for the product, then you are the product.” ~ The Social Dilemma

Author and tech guru, Jaron Lanier, expanded the quote…

“It’s the gradual, slight, imperceptible change in your own behavior and perception that is the product.”

We’ve all seen this play out on social media. People you know in real life say things that are so crazy and out-of-character, you wonder if you ever truly knew them.

How do tech companies change our behavior and perception?

Every single action we take online is being watched, tracked, and meticulously recorded, even something as minor as pressing the like button on a family photo. Social media companies know who’s lonely. They know who’s depressed. They know who’s breezing through their ex’s photos. They know what we do late at night. They know everything about us, whether we’re an introvert or extravert. Any neurological impairments we might have. What our personality type is.

“They have more information about us than has ever been imagined in human history.” ~Shoshana Zuboff

Imagine the power? Tech companies, like Meta and Twitter, can literally effect change with the push of a button. They can start a war, divide the country, or break-up couples. Look how many long-standing marriages ended because of vast differences in perception. One spouse believes such-and-such. The other believes the opposite is true. Neither will budge because their social media timeline confirms their position.

If you laid both devices side by side, you’d see contradictory feeds, each one tailored to the individual user. They both can’t be right, but that’s exactly what they’re reading on social media.

No one sees the same feed.

The only social media site that cares somewhat is TikTok. Believe it or not, users who’ve been scrolling for hours receive a message that suggests they take a break. I know this because I received that message after I started an account and stayed on the site to learn how to break into the #BookTok audience. I was also taking notes, but the algorithm didn’t know that.

“Algorithms are opinions embedded in code.” ~ Cathy O’Neil, PhD, author of Weapons of Math Destruction

Tech companies operate with almost no supervision. What do they do with all this data? They create models of every user, models that make predictions about our lives.

These companies have three main goals:

  • Engagement: What will drive up your usage to keep you scrolling?
  • Growth: What keeps you coming back and inviting friends to join?
  • Advertising: As they monitor us, they need to ensure the company makes the most money off advertising. How? By making predictions on what ads we’ll interact with.

Who remembers when we discovered cinemas were hiding subliminal messages in movie previews?

The goal was to manipulate us into buying more popcorn. The public was outraged. How dare they try to manipulate us for profit!

Yet social media does the same thing. They know our likes and dislikes, where we live, who we’re friends with, who we love or hate, what videos we watch and for how long… they collect anything and everything so they can sell us — specifically, our attention — to the highest bidder at auction.

Where’s the outrage?

There is none. We’ve accepted it as part of life.

Am I proposing authors should delete their social media accounts?

No. Utilizing social media is a cost-effective way to market books. If you feel it’s causing more harm than good, then by all means quit. Or take a break.

  • Walk away for a few days.
  • Take a break now and then.
  • Use social media as a tool rather than a cure for what ails you.
  • Please, please, please don’t measure your success/failure — or your self-worth — by the number of likes and comments you receive.

The next time you’re tempted to grab your phone to check notifications, stroll outside for a few minutes. Inhale fresh air. Watch the wildlife in your yard. What shapes do you see in the clouds? Stargaze at night. Or bathe in moonlight. All of which have real health benefits.

Self-care is important for authors. Don’t deny yourself a life. Get out in the real world and experience simple pleasures. It’ll give you something to write about.

When you return to social media, you’ll be wiser and better equipped to deal with the chaos. You may even have a little fun.

Since today is Memorial Day, and the unofficial start to summer, many have plans for a cookout or to visit graves of fallen soldiers or even to take a simple “duvet day.”  What do you have planned for today?

When you read this, I’ll be out of town for an extended weekend of R&R, but don’t let that stop you from having fun in the comment section. I’ll respond when I return on Wednesday.

Name That Book

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Bee to the blossom, moth to the flame; Each to his passion; what’s in a name? —Helen Hunt Jackson

* * *

I’ve been thinking a lot about book titles lately since my latest book was renamed by the publisher just prior to its release. More on that later.

Coming up with a title for your book may be one of the most important decisions you make. But how do you decide what’s the perfect name?

Blurb.com had a list of criteria that I grabbed from their website and added some of my own comments. A good title would be:

  • Concise (3-5 words) – Short titles stand out to readers. Long ones are harder to remember. On the other hand, consider The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society or The 100-Year-Old Man Who Climbed Out the Window and Disappeared. They didn’t do too badly.
  • Intriguing – a title that will stand out and make readers want to buy your book. A few that I like are The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, The Remains of the Day, and The Art of Racing in the Rain.

The site also mentioned a good title would be:

  • Original
  • Informative
  • Easy to say
  • Attention-grabbing
  • Memorable

I considered some of the books I have loved and what their titles were:

  • To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee
  • A Tree Grows in Brooklyn by Betty Smith
  • The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn by Mark Twain
  • West With the Night by Beryl Markham
  • The Woman in White by Wilkie Collins

All of these meet the requirement of being concise. With the exception of Huckleberry Finn, they are intriguing and original. They are also informative and easy to say. I’m not so sure about attention-grabbing. I guess that depends on the reader. Finally, I suppose a title is memorable only if the book is one you remember.

A couple of other attributes I’ve noticed in the book naming field:

  • Trendy – Remember how many books were published with the word “Girl” in the title?
  • Play on words – Popular with cozy mysteries.

* * *

Reading about the art and science of naming a book got me thinking about how I had come up with the titles of my five published novels. In the order published, they are:

The Watch on the Fencepost – That was the working title, but I wanted a catchy, clever name for the book. One day when I was about halfway through the writing process, my husband and I took a walk to talk about the title. I tried out a few possibilities (A Watch in Time, Death Watch, etc.), but nothing clicked with us. Finally, Frank said, “Why don’t you just leave it the way it is. It’s unique and intriguing.” So that’s what I did. And there’s a catch at the end of the book that emphasizes the title.

Dead Man’s Watch – The title refers to a watch that was taken off a dead man’s wrist. Finding the watch turned out to be an interesting problem that led to a surprising conclusion. I also liked the trendy “Dead Man” part of the title.

Time After Tyme – After the university librarian Mr. Tyme was found dead, a couple of teams of amateur sleuths spend their time looking for a culprit. This title was inspired by the use of word play in cozy mystery titles.

Lacey’s Star – I thought this title might be too prosaic. I considered All but the Brightest Stars, but opted for the simpler title because it refers to the final clue that leads to a murderer. I like to think that readers will finish one of my books and realize the relevance of the title to the story

That brings me to the fifth book, Another Side of Sunshine.

The working title was The Other Side of Sunshine, which is also the first line of the first clue in the story. Much of the book is a reflection on shadows (pun intended), so the title seemed perfect to me. However, the publisher didn’t want the title to begin with the word “The,” so she suggested Another Side of Sunshine. In the long run, I think it’s just as good, maybe better.

* * *

Speaking of changing titles, The Huffington Post had an article on classic books where the original title was changed. Here are a few:

  • Ernest Hemingway’s The Sun Also Rises was originally titled Fiesta.
  • Somerset Maugham’s Of Human Bondage was originally titled Beauty from Ashes.
  • Margaret Mitchell’s Gone with the Wind was going to be Tomorrow Is Another Day, Not In Our Stars, Tote the Weary Load, or Bugles Sang True.
  • Harper Lee’s To Kill a Mockingbird was originally titled simply Atticus.
  • Carson McCullers’s The Heart Is A Lonely Hunter was originally titled The Mute.
  • John Steinbeck’s Of Mice and Men was originally titled Something That Happened.
  • Jane Austen’s Pride and Prejudice was originally titled First Impressions.
  • William Golding’s Lord of the Flies was originally titled Strangers From Within.

* * *

So TKZers: How did you determine names for your books? Do you have a favorite title of your books? Would you rename any of them if you could? What are some of your favorite titles from other authors? What do you think about the name changes in the list of classics? 

* * *

ANOTHER SIDE OF SUNSHINE
A Middle Grade Mystery Novel

The Reen & Joanie Detective Agency is open for business, and the first assignment is to find a treasure hidden by the mysterious “Mr. Shadow.” 

“Fans of From the Mixed-Up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler and The Westing Game will find familiar pleasures here, wrapped in fresh clues and grounded by a heroine who learns to trust her instincts—and the people around her.” —Prairie Book Reviews

Click the image to go to the Amazon book page.

Immersion Technique #WriteTip

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Every character is the hero of their own story. Even the villain.

We’ve talked many times about the importance of fleshing out characters. This time let’s reframe the narrative for those who may not grasp the finer details of crafting a compelling villain.

It’s easy to tell a fellow writer to slip into the villain’s skin and view the world through their eyes—I’ve given the same advice—but for those who haven’t mastered characterization, it may not be enough.

  • How does one craft a killer when they’ve never committed a crime?
  • How can we champion a villain’s efforts with no real-world experience?

Sure, we can draw conclusions and make assumptions. Is that enough for readers?

  • Is there a way to pull from life experience, to really feel what it’s like to transform into somebody else?

Yes, there is. And it’s called immersion. Method actors use the same technique.

The dictionary defines immersion as “deep mental involvement.” It can also mean engagement, as in a mixture of how much you’re paying attention, how submerged you are in an experience, and how it affects you emotionally.

Immersion, whether real or imagined, taps into fundamental psychological principles like perception, emotional engagement, and the sense of presence. It involves a combination of sensory stimuli, cognitive engagement, and emotional resonance that creates a feeling of being completely absorbed in the experience.

Immersive experiences are rich and complex, drawing upon personal experiences, and engage with emotions through the manipulation of the five senses. They’re described as transformational, intense, sometimes hectic, and provoking.

What we see tells us a lot about the world around us, but what the body experiences is much more powerful.

How we immerse ourselves in a life unlike our own starts with walking in their shoes. Listen to the villain’s favorite music. Eat their favorite foods. View the world through their eyes.

  • What’s their culture like?
  • What’s their theme song?
  • What’s their religion, politics, and views on other hot topics?
  • Do they like the rain? Cold weather? Scorching hot sun?
  • Are they happy with where they live? Or have they been trying to escape the area for years?
  • What do they do for a living? Do they have buddies at work?
  • Are they body conscious and drink water all day? Or do they drink black coffee till noon, then switch to scotch?
  • Do they smoke? I’m not proposing you start smoking but you can pretend.

Even if the character’s actions rub against your values and beliefs, you must find at least one redeeming quality, or at least be able to empathize with a part of them.

Take Ed Kemper, for example. His mother was a severe alcoholic who favored his two sisters and never missed the chance to belittle him. Ed’s father, a World War II veteran, hated his wife. The couple divorced when Ed was still in grammar school.

Living with his mother was no picnic. She locked him in the cellar for days and/or weeks at a time—alone—a bare lightbulb hanging from a wire in the center of the dark and creepy space. Since the door locked from the outside, the only way out was through a trap door beneath the dining room table.

Trapped, Ed lay on the cold cement floor staring into the flame of the furnace. And it was then, he later told an FBI profiler, he saw the face of the Devil for the first time. That period of his life exacerbated his already fractured mind.

Later, at age 14, his father sent him to live with his grandparents in California. Interestingly, Maude (grandmother) was an extra in Gone with the Wind and a writer for Redbook McCall’s. Even so, Ed hated living there, calling his grandfather “senile” and his grandmother, well, this is how he described her…

“She thought she had more balls than any man and was constantly emasculating me and my grandfather to prove it. I couldn’t please her. It was like being in jail. I became a walking time bomb, and I finally blew.”

And blew he did, with the murder of his grandparents. Authorities sent him to Atascadero State Hospital, a maximum-security facility where doctors subjected him to various tests. One of which illuminated his genius IQ. They also diagnosed him as a paranoid schizophrenic.

In the six years he spent at the institution, he became one of the doctors’ favorite patients. They even allowed him to assist in conducting tests on other inmates, until 1969 when they released him into his mother’s care.

Big mistake. At 6 ft. 9 inches tall and 250 pounds, Ed was a mammoth with a genius IQ and a rage inside him.

After killing and decapitating six young women, he finally turned his wrath on Mother—the true source of his hatred—murdering, decapitating, and using her head as a dartboard. He also tore out Mother’s vocal cords and shoved them down the garbage disposal. When the disposal spat the gristly innards back out, he said to himself,

“That seems appropriate as much as she’d bitched and screamed and yelled at me over so many years.”

With his personal monster dead, Ed turned himself into police. He had no reason to kill anymore. He’s lived at California Medical Facility in Vacaville ever since. As a model inmate, he’s allowed to work as an audiobook narrator.

If Ed Kemper was a fictional villain, how would you make him the hero of his own story?

We’d need to focus on the abused little boy, alone and frightened, that still cried inside him and the personable guy who doctors adored. Does that mean I agree with what he did? Absolutely not. But as writers, we must find a way to justify his actions. We must. Otherwise, the villain will fall flat.

Now, don’t tell the reader what redeeming qualities you clung to while writing. Show them a tidbit here and there—just enough to pique curiosity and drive the plot—that make him feel more human. Or let the hero figure it out on their own.

If the villain is a series character, only reveal enough to intrigue and drive the plot. I did this with my serial killer named Mayhem. In three books, I showed him as a merciless serial killer. I also showed his love of animals, especially his sidekick Poe, the crow, and how tender he could be when caring for a wife stricken with ALS and his close relationship with his daughter and grandson.

Mayhem loves fine wine and is an expert chef, but he’s offended by bad language and numerous other things, especially rapists, cannibals, and child killers. Readers fell in love with Mayhem. Deeply in love. So much so, I had to transform him into an antihero in later books.

Readers understand, even champion, why he kills.

We did the same with Dexter. Who didn’t love to watch him murder other serial killers? Genius on Lindsay’s part.

Find a different angle for your villain. Copycats aren’t unique or memorable. Villains are some of the most difficult characters to craft because they do bad things. I also find villains and antiheroes the most rewarding to write.

The next time you craft a character vastly different from yourself, try immersion. It works for the entire cast, including heroes, sidekicks, foils, secondary characters, etc.

Chiastic Structure

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Chiasmus – noun – a reversal in the order of words in two otherwise parallel phrases, as in “He went to the country, to the town went she.”

* * *

I recently encountered an episode of Thomas Umstadt Jr’s Author Media podcast entitled How to Write Enduring Best Sellers with the Two-act Chiastic Structure. I wasn’t familiar with the term “chiastic”, so I listened and learned a lot.

According to Umstadt

Western storytelling is typically based on the three-act structure. … However, the three-act structure is not the only story structure. There is an ancient story structure that dates back to the time of oral storytelling. This ancient structure is still popular in the East, yet it appeals to modern Western readers.

This two-act concept is the chiastic structure, and it can be used for sentences, poetry, stories, or even series. A famous example of a chiastic sentence was used by President John F. Kennedy in his inaugural address:

“Ask not what your country can do for you—ask what you can do for your country.”

No matter what length, the chiastic structure follows an ABBA model and can be illustrated by two lines crossing like this:

In the Kennedy example, A = “your country” and B = “you.” The second part of the statement is a mirror image of the first.

* * *

But chiastic structure gets really interesting when it’s applied to stories. Check out this example from Wikipedia that shows the Biblical narrative of Noah and the Ark as it moves from A to the midpoint and then resolves from the midpoint back to A’.

Amazing!

* * *

I tend to think of story structure more as an arc. Rising action, crisis and midpoint, falling action and resolution.

However, after I read about chiastic structure, I realize I’ve used a modified form of it a couple of times in my books. In my first novel, The Watch on the Fencepost, the story begins when a young woman finds a mysterious watch on a fencepost which propels her on a quest to find the truth about her parents’ untimely deaths. Their deaths represent the loss of her closest relationships. The book ends when she finds another watch on the same fencepost that solidifies her relationship with a man who will become a special part of her life.

I always thought of this kind of writing as bookends to a story, but there’s a lot more to chiastic structure. I suppose the internal chapters have to mirror each other. I haven’t tried anything close to this, but it would be interesting to outline a story with that structure.

* * *

So TKZers: Are you familiar with chiastic structure? Have you used it in your own writing? Is it something you think you may want to use in the future?

* * *

Coming Soon!

Another Side of Sunshine
A Reen & Joanie Detective Agency Mystery

Spunky ten-year-old Reen and her shy nine-year-old cousin Joanie go on a quest to find a treasure hidden by the mysterious Mr. Shadow. Along the way, they discover new insights into friendship and fair play.