Tag Archives: #writetip

MG is for Middle Grade

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“Access to books and the encouragement of the habit of reading: these two things are the first and most necessary steps in education and librarians, teachers and parents all over the country know it. It is our children’s right and it is also our best hope and their best hope for the future.” –Michael Morpurgo

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I’ve spent the better part of my writing time in 2025 writing and publishing Middle Grade novels, and Sue Coletta’s recent TKZ post on Writing for Children inspired me to share some of the things I’ve learned.

I asked my good friend and TKZ contributor emeritus Dr. Steve Hooley to help me. I had interviewed Steve on my blog earlier this year about his Middle Grade Fantasy series, The Mad River Magic Series. Steve’s thoughts about writing for the 8-12 year old level were so insightful, I asked his permission to quote from that interview and from later email exchanges. So here are some thoughts about Middle Grade books from both of us.

WHAT CONSTITUTES MIDDLE GRADE?

Steve:

Most authors define “middle grade fiction” as being written for ages 8 – 12 (third grade through sixth grade), and containing no sexual content or realistic violence. I think that another way to look at it is the intelligence and information processing skills of the reader. “Children” of this age are reaching the age where they can understand adult logic and reasoning. And they are not yet filled with the adolescent hormone-driven physical and sexual attraction that is found in young adult material, and that clouds their thinking.

They differ from books for younger readers in that they are more like adult books, longer, with plot and structure. And they differ from books for YA and adult in that they usually contain no profanity, sex, or overt violence.

Kay:

I like what Steve had to say about adult logic and reasoning. In my books, the two main characters solve mysteries by looking at things from multiple points of view. I believe this introduction to analytical logic and critical thinking skills will serve young readers well. (And I know Garry Rodgers will like that.)

 

WHY WRITE MIDDLE GRADE?

Steve:

In my opinion, the age group of readers of middle grade books is in the innocent age of transition to adulthood. This permits the reader to learn principles from the book that will prepare them for their adult life. And it gives the author a unique opportunity to present material which the reader can evaluate and consider regarding choices for their adult life.

Kay:

I had included two young girls, 10-year-old Reen and her 9-year-old cousin Joanie, in my third mystery novel, Time After Tyme. The girls were very popular with readers, and several people encouraged me to give them their own series. Although I hesitated for months while I worked on another novel, the idea of writing books that would contribute to a child’s intellectual growth appealed to me.  I decided to try to create an entertaining story that would have traces of problem-solving, teamwork, fair play, and persistence without preaching.

 

HOW MANY WORDS?

Steve commented on my blog that most of his Mad River Magic books are around 80K words, so I would put those books in the Older MG category.

Each of my books is around 30K words, so I think younger readers can handle the straightforward plotting and limited number of characters.

 

WHAT GENRES ARE ACCEPTABLE?

As we mentioned above, Steve’s books are in the Fantasy genre; mine are mysteries, but according to a recent post on Jenny Bowman’s site, MG books can cover a wide range of genres. She mentions mystery, fantasy, adventure, historical fiction, and even the re-telling of classic stories like Les Miserables.

In place of a romance genre, best friends and strong relationships are appropriate. And MG kids love to laugh, so humor is always welcome in Middle Grade fiction.

 

FINAL THOUGHTS

Steve included these thoughts in a recent email

  1. The name of genre (Middle Grade) makes no sense. It is not Middle “School” age.
  2. The wide discrepancy of reading skills in that age group. Some are reading adult books by the end of “middle grade”. Others (according to recent testing) are reading very poorly.
  3. Should there be two genres, a boys’ and a girls’ genre? Girls are always asking for romance by the 7th and 8th grade. While boys want adventure without all the icky girl stuff. (ex. Nancy Drew series vs. Hardy Boys)
  4. Marketing is difficult, unless you are trad published. Teachers want to recommend books that have won awards to their students.
  5. At that age, most readers are not buying their own books.
  6. At that age, readers can’t leave reviews on Amazon.
  7. Contact with students for beta reading must be handled with care. The best is to find a gifted and talented coordinator who will be the intermediary, because most teachers don’t have the time or the interest.

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So TKZers: Have you written any Middle Grade Fiction? Have you read any MG novels? What are your thoughts about writing for children?

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Whether they’re searching for hidden treasure in Bellevue or chasing tricky thieves through famous landmarks in Manhattan, Reen & Joanie are up to the job. Join the girls and make the world a better place.

Click the image to go to the Amazon series page.

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A hero on crutches, flying barrel carts, Indian magic, and a glow-in-the-dark magic pond, Bolt and the Mad River Magic gang have it all, living in the enchanted forest with their grandparents and practicing light magic.

Click on the image to go to the Amazon series page.

#WriteTip: The Stubborn Elephant

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Writing a novel is a huge commitment. It takes time and consistency and perseverance from beginning to end.

Imagine, if you will, a rider on the back of a stubborn elephant. The rider is excited to head out on a new adventure, but the elephant wants no part of it. The rider tries everything to make the elephant move — coercion, threats, bribes, begging, and bargaining — but nothing works. The elephant refuses to budge. And rightfully so. They’re majestic animals, with thoughts and feelings and families who love them, not amusement rides.

The frustrated rider jumps off the elephant, tugs the reins, shoves him from behind. Nothing works. If a two-to-seven-ton animal doesn’t want to budge, good luck trying to change their mind.

What if I told you this same struggle continues to play out in a writer’s mind while drafting a novel?

It’s true. Our brains have two independently functioning systems responsible for completing tasks: the rational side and the emotional side.

The rider is rational.

The elephant is emotional.

When these two sides clash, the writer accomplishes nothing. They may work all day, but they’re spinning their wheels. It’s an awful feeling.

The rational rider is small and insignificant compared to the emotional elephant. We can lie to ourselves about fame and fortune or whatever the big dream is, but unless we’re emotionally invested in our goals, it’ll never happen. The field of broken dreams is littered with stubborn elephants.

Numerous scientists have studied productivity, and they all agree on one thing: Having fun makes us more productive.

Pro Tip: Don’t worry about your word count. If you keep checking to tally your words, you’ll add unnecessary stress. Enjoy the journey of crafting a storyline. Block out all distractions and have fun with your characters.

The closer the reward, the harder we work.

We live in a world of immediate gratification. It’s why we’re told to use a universal link for our books. No one wants to click twice.

The coffee drinker will buy more coffee when their loyalty card is about to run out. Why? To score a free coffee.

This behavior is known as the goal gradient hypothesis, first discovered in rats and other animals in 1932 by Clark Hull PhD. The same holds true for humans. The bigger the task (crafting a novel), the harder we must work to get the reward (a complete first draft) and the easier it is to give up.

Pro Tip: Break the WIP into small goals. “I will have one piece of chocolate when I finish this chapter.” By rewarding yourself for reaching smaller goals, it builds confidence and joy and momentum.

Making Visible Progress Improves Motivation

Researchers offered participants two types of loyalty cards: a ten-point card and a twelve-point card with the first two spots already stamped. Can you guess which one they chose?

Even though both cards required the participants to buy ten coffees, the twelve-point card was the clear favorite. Why? The two stamps created the illusion that the participants would receive a free coffee sooner. While the distance to the goal was the same, those stamps showed visible progress.

Visible progress boosts motivation.

Pro Tip: End every writing session mid-scene. Doesn’t matter if the words are flowing. Stop. The next morning, it’s much easier to finish a scene than stare at a blank page.

I play mind-games with myself all the time. Once I’ve written the final page of the manuscript, I mark it with *** and keep going. Everything after the asterisks becomes the hook for the next book. That way, I never start a new manuscript with a blank page.

Productivity Fluctuates Throughout the Day

Researchers found that memory, perception, and problem-solving skills fluctuate according to a person’s chronotype, the natural inclination for your body to sleep (i.e., early bird vs. night owl).

I’m most productive in the mornings and between 7 p.m. – 8 p.m. It’s strange, I know, but for some reason new ideas pop into my mind between those hours, so I write in Notes on my phone.

Consistency trains the brain.

Pro Tip: Take note of when you’re most productive during the day. If you can’t write at that time, train yourself to write at the second most productive time of day for you.

Surprising Facts Improve Learning and Memory

Moments of intellectual surprise can boost memory, curiosity, and make you a more effective learner. Also, those who are curious about the world — like writers — and learn on a regular basis (i.e., research) extend their longevity and lower their risk of brain-related diseases like Alzheimer’s or dementia.

A few fun facts that may surprise you:

  • Jays are not blue. There are no blue feathers in the Animal Kingdom. What we see is an optical illusion. Blue Jays are gray.
  • A Greenland shark born before Isaac Newton was still alive in 2020.
  • Polar Bears are not white. Though polar bear fur appears white, it’s actually transparent. Long hollow hair shafts reflect light much like ice does, making polar bears appear white or yellow. Beneath their thick coats, polar bears have black skin that absorbs the sun’s warmth. To a deer, polar bears look green.

Pro Tip: If you’re stuck, research other elements of the story. You might be surprised by what you find. Never stop learning.

All these actionable tips and tricks will help you move the elephant in the right direction.

Reader Friday-Distracted Writing

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You’ve heard of distracted driving, right? Cell phones, road signs, ankle-biters bug-tussling in the back seat, other distracted drivers distracting your driving—we’ve all experienced it—but hopefully not on the wrong side of a citation or accident.

Today, keeping in mind all of the above, consider the distractions that keep you from deep-diving into your current WIP, that germ of a story that grabbed your attention awhile back, but now is drowning in . . . life, real life.

What are the top five distractions affecting your writing productivity? Those pesky things that require your attention, but in the process of “attending”, dilute your enthusiasm for the project and cut into your in-the-zone time?

For me, at this time, it’s caring for my elderly father. It’s an honor for me, and I wouldn’t have it any other way, but it usually takes me awhile to shift from the Dad gear to the story gear.

How about you? How do you handle the “life stuff” that’s part of your story, but not part of the story you’re writing?

Are you good at setting it aside? Compartmentalizing? (Both of which I am seriously not good at . . .)

TKZers, jump right in with your tips and tricks!

 

Profluence in Writing

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Profluence (noun) –  a copious or smooth flowing

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I was re-listening to a Great Courses lecture the other day entitled Writing Great Fiction taught by professor and author James Hynes. The particular episode I re-visited was on the fundamentals of plotting a novel, and Hynes mentioned the importance of profluence in story-telling.

“Profluence” must be a relatively new word because you may not find it in every dictionary. Dictionary.com only has the adjective form “profluent,” but the word has made its way into the online Merriam-Webster dictionary.

However, I couldn’t find the term “profluence” in any of my books on the craft of writing, so I was naturally intrigued.

Hynes credits John Gardner with defining profluence as the feeling you have when you’re reading a novel or short story that you’re getting somewhere. Even if the story isn’t told in chronological sequence, the reader needs to feel the forward momentum.

Specifically, in his work The Art of Fiction, Gardner wrote:

“By definition – and of aesthetic necessity – a story contains profluence, a requirement best satisfied by a sequence of causally related events, a sequence that can end in only one of two ways: in resolution … or in logical exhaustion.”

Along the same lines, in Aspects of the Novel, E.M. Forster defined the singular merit and fault of a story:

“… it can only have one merit: that of making the audience want to know what happens next. And conversely it can only have one fault: that of making the audience not want to know what happens next.”

Professor Hynes had his own take on this concept.

“A work of fiction can only have one merit: that of making the reader want to keep reading. And it can only have one fault: that of making the reader not want to keep reading.”

So we can think of a novel as one scene followed by another, each drawing the reader further into the plot. The goal is always to get the reader to turn the page. Even if the sequence of events is out of chronological order, the author’s job is to create the sense of forward momentum by leading the reader through the story, one scene at a time.

Forster makes one further distinction between story and plot. He defines a story as “a narrative of events arranged in their time-sequence.” A plot, though, according to Forster is “also a narrative of events, the emphasis falling on causality.” He goes on to use this illustration:

“The king died and then the queen died” is a story. “The king died, and then the queen died of grief” is a  plot.

In the first example, readers will turn the page to find out what happens next. In the second, readers will want to know what happens next and why it happened. That sense of causality adds depth to the story and encourages the reader to keep turning pages.

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As authors, we know we should create stories with interesting characters, a strong plot, and sentences that are well-constructed and grammatically correct. But the notion of profluence seems to move beyond the mechanics of writing and into the way those elements interact to produce the elusive flow that will keep the reader engaged.

In an article on the Writers Unite website, D. A. Ratliff provides several ideas on how to create and maintain that flow. Here are a few of those suggestions:

  • Create an intriguing hook at the beginning that will grab the reader’s attention
  • Don’t overly describe what’s going on. Let the reader wonder and anticipate learning more in a later chapter
  • Use clear language so you don’t confuse the reader
  • Use effective transitions. Cliffhanger scene endings will compel the reader to turn the page
  • Vary sentence types to create a musical flow

So there you have it. A novel is not just a series of scenes. At its best, it’s a continuous flow of story that’s impossible to put down.

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So TKZers: Have you ever heard the term profluence before? How do you create the flow in your stories to keep readers turning pages? What would you add to the suggestions above?

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KNIGHTS IN MANHATTAN

Reen & Joanie are always moving forward. Whether it’s in dark, secret passageways or running through some of the most famous landmarks in Manhattan, they’re relentless in their pursuit of the bad guys.

Click the image for a link to all retail platforms.

Craft a Raptor Hero Not Villain

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Raptors are some of the most successful predators on the planet. From owls, eagles, and vultures to hawks, falcons, and other birds of prey, raptors are skilled hunters with incredible senses, like binocular vision, that help them detect prey at far distances.

The secretary bird even carries mouthfuls of water back to the nest for her young — one of the few avian species to quench a chicks’ thirst.

If a raptor was a character in a book, they seem like the perfect villain on the surface. After all, they kill and consume adorable critters like chipmunks, squirrels, mice, monkeys, birds, fish, and old or injured animals. As readers, we’d fear the moment their shadow darkened the soil.

What we may not consider right away is how tender raptors are with their young, or that they only take what they need to feed their family and keep the landscape free of disease from rotting meat and sick animals, or what majestic fliers they are. Raptors have many awe-inspiring abilities.

Take, for example, the Andean condor, the largest flying land bird in the western hemisphere. In the highest peaks of the majestic Andes, the largest raptor in the world hovers in the sky in search of its next meal — a carcass or old/injured animal to hunt. Andean condors have a wingspan of over ten feet. If one flew sideways through an average living room with eight-foot ceilings, the wings would drag on the floor!

How could we turn a massive predator like the Andean condor into a hero? It’s difficult to offset their hunting abilities and diet with the innocence of their prey, but not impossible.

A layered characterization holds the key. It doesn’t matter who your protagonist is or what they do. With proper characterization, a raptor or killer can play any role.

Go Deeper than the Three Dimensions of Character

1st dimension: The face they show to the world; a public persona
2nd dimension: The person they are at home and with close friends
3rd dimension: Their true character. If a fire broke out in a cinema, would they help others get out safely or elbow their way through the crowd?

A raptor-type character needs layers, each one peeled little by little over time to reveal the full picture of who they are and what they stand for. We also need to justify their actions so readers can root for them.

A perfect example is Dexter Morgan, vigilante serial killer and forensic blood spatter analyst for Miami Dade Police.

Why did the world fall in love with Dexter?

What makes Dexter so fascinatingly different is that he lives by a code when choosing his victims – they must, without a doubt, be murderers likely to strike again. But he didn’t always have this code. In the beginning, he killed to satisfy the sick impulses from his “dark passenger.” If it weren’t for Dexter’s adoptive father and police officer, Harry Morgan, who educated his son to control his need to kill and established tight guidelines for Dexter to follow (the code), he would have been the villain.

Readers accept his “dark passenger” because he’s ridding the world of other serial killers who could harm innocent people in the community. And that’s enough justification for us to root for him. We’re willing to overlook the fact that he revels in each kill and keeps trophies. We even join him in celebrating his murders — and never want him caught.

Jeff Lyndsay couldn’t have pulled this off if he showed all Dexter’s layers at the very beginning. It worked because he showed us pieces of Dexter Morgan over time.

The Characterization for Vigilante Killers Cannot be Rushed

When I created this type of character, he started as the villain for two and half novels while I dropped hints and pieces of truth like breadcrumbs. It wasn’t until halfway through book four that the full picture of who he really was and what motivated him became evident.

So, go ahead and craft a raptor as the protagonist of your story (as an antihero). When characters are richly detailed psychologically, readers connect to them. Perhaps a part of us wishes we could enact justice like they do.

If crafted with forethought and understanding, your raptor may become your most memorable character to date. Just go slow and really think about how much of their mind to reveal and when. Who knows? You may create a protagonist readers will analyze for years to come!

*Perhaps it’s unfair to draw a parallel between raptors and vigilante killers but the idea came to me while watching a nature documentary. Make no mistake, I adore raptors.

Have you ever crafted a raptor character aka antihero? Who’s your favorite antihero (movies or books)? And why?

 

Writing for Children

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When you’ve spent your entire career writing adult thrillers and true crime, switching to a children’s chapter book takes some getting used to. Jumping back and forth between the two is even more difficult. After struggling with both projects, I decided to stick with one till completion, then finish the other.

Because my chapter book is meticulously outlined and half-written, I chose to concentrate on that project first. Plus, a chapter book’s optimal range is 10,000 words — a fraction of the word-count of an environmental thriller.

When I read the opening sequence of my chapter book, it seemed too advanced for young readers. I needed to stop, home in on my target age group, and relax the language and pacing. After all, early readers don’t have the same mental acuity as adults. They need easier wins.

Children’s books are separated into three categories, all with different guidelines for word choices, pacing, viewpoints, and the amount and style of illustrations.

  • Picture books
  • Chapter books
  • Middle Grade

Picture Books

A standard picture book is 32 pages long.

Picture books follow a compact story arc with a beginning, middle, and end. Jump into the action quickly, introduce a problem, and have the main character solve it by the end. The “rule of three,” where a problem recurs three times before a solution is found, is a common and effective technique. Illustrations will convey much of the emotion and setting, so your text should focus on the action and dialogue. Avoid using words to describe what the illustrations show. A picture book is meant to be read aloud, so the language needs to have a natural rhythm and flow.

Ages 3-5: Around 500 words, these stories have simple language and relatable topics like starting school, picky eaters, or a nighttime routine. Illustrations consume the pages—big, bright, and fun.

Ages 4-8: These picture books can be slightly longer, up to 800 words, with a slightly more complex plot. Still, you’re limited, because the illustrations take center stage.

As a visual medium, the writer must consider how the story will unfold across two-page spreads.

Chapter Books

To write a chapter book, you need to develop relatable characters, create a simple yet engaging plot, and break the story into short, purposeful chapters that build a new reader’s confidence. A typical chapter book is aimed at the 7-10 year age group and has a word count between 5,000 and 15,000 words. The sweet spot is 10,000. This allows the writer more freedom than a picture book.

Chapter books fall between early readers and middle-grade novels. The target audience is a new independent reader who’s often supervised by an adult. A solid, unique story idea is the foundation of a successful chapter book—especially since many are written as a series—that includes the main plot and core theme(s).

If you include an ill-advised subplot, be careful not to divert focus from the main plot. The young reader is just beginning to get comfortable reading on their own. Making the story easy to understand and follow is essential. Sure, many chapter books are read aloud to an adult, but don’t rely on that. What if the child is reading alone?

A chapter book must have a full narrative arc. If you watch a plethora of animated films, you’ll see they’re all structured like an adult novel or movie. And so, that’s exactly what I did. The story should be action-packed with lots of dialogue to hold a new independent reader’s attention, but never leave the main character and sidekick in trouble for long. A flip of the page is more than enough suspense.

Around 48-80 pages, chapter books often include black-and-white illustrations at the beginning of each chapter or where you want to show the new reader what’s going on. For example, when I introduce a new animal character, I’ll include an illustration to cement that picture in the reader’s mind. Because the illustration is in black-and-white, I need only mention color rather than a detailed description.

Middle Grade Novel

Most middle grade novels are geared toward ages 8-12. They are the in-between books for readers who have outgrown chapter books and are too young to emotionally handle or enjoy themes and ideas found in young adult novels. Middle grade novels run about 30,000-55,000 words.

Young readers need to relate to the characters, but they don’t mind “reading up.” Meaning, the main cast should be in the upper range of the target age group. For some reason, 13 and 14 year-old characters are considered a no-no. They’re too old for middle grade novels (perhaps due to puberty?) and too young to star in YA.

If you choose to write in this genre, you may want to read this article about middle grade novels. In it, the author includes an important distinction:

“What may work for an 8-year-old likely won’t work for a 12-year-old. So although we bundle it all into middle grade, the genre actually has two sub groups. This is important to understand in order to know your audience when writing, and thus appropriately adjust your themes and word count.

Two Sub-Categories

  • Lower Middle Grade

Lower middle grade novels tend to be read by kids aged 8 to 10 years old. There may be a sub plot or two, but the main plot will dominate the focus, and all themes will certainly be G or PG rated.

  • Upper Middle Grade

Upper middle grade novels can have a higher word count, and will be read by children aged 10 to 13 years old. There will likely be a subplot or two that help to carry the story in a substantial way. Themes may be a bit more complex, or PG or PG-13 rated.”

Even though I spent quite a bit of time researching techniques for my new target audience, I enjoy the challenge of writing a children’s chapter book. It’s rewarding, fun, and exciting.

Have you ever considered writing for children? Do you write children’s books now? If so, for what age group? Any tips to share? Categorize your favorite children’s book and tell us why you loved it as a child.

The Book of Proverbs & Self-Editing for Fiction Writers

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Proverbs are short sentences drawn from long experience. —Miguel de Cervantes

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Note: This blog post was taken from one I posted on my own blog in 2019.

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Every morning I sit down with my bowl of oatmeal and cup of coffee and read a chapter in the Book of Proverbs. I’ve been doing this for a very long time — so long, I can’t remember when I started or where I got the idea.

Now, I’m all about doing things the easy way, so since there are thirty-one chapters in Proverbs, I read the chapter whose number corresponds with the date. Therefore, I go through the entire book each month. (Okay, chapter 31 doesn’t get as much attention as it deserves, but it’s still a pretty good system.)

The thing about the Book of Proverbs that interests me is the wealth of wisdom found in its pages. Practical wisdom. A soul-searching, character-changing experience in less than five minutes every morning.

 “Good sense makes one slow to anger,
    and it is his glory to overlook an offense.” – Proverbs 19:11

 “A good name is to be chosen rather than great riches” – Proverbs 22:1a

 “Pride goes before destruction,
    and a haughty spirit before a fall.” – Proverbs 16:18

 “A dishonest man spreads strife,
    and a whisperer separates close friends.” – Proverbs 16:28

I could go on, but you get the idea. The Book of Proverbs is surely self-editing for the soul.

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I may not remember exactly when I started reading the Proverbs every morning, but I remember precisely where I was when I first heard about Self-editing for Fiction Writers. I was attending a panel discussion for new authors at my first writers conference (Killer Nashville 2017.) The subject was how to improve your writing, and one of the speakers said the book Self-editing for Fiction Writers was an essential addition to any writer’s library. So I bought a copy and started reading.

Talk about practical wisdom!

“To write exposition at length … is to engage your readers’ intellects. What you want to do is to engage their emotions.” – Chapter One, “Show and Tell”

“When you make the point of view clear at the beginning of a scene, you get your readers involved right away and let them get used to inhabiting your viewpoint character’s head.” – Chapter Three, “Point of View”

“Don’t open a paragraph of dialogue with the speaker attribution. Instead, start a paragraph with dialogue and place the speaker attribution at the first natural break in the first sentence.” — Chapter Five, “Dialogue Mechanics”

“The greatest advantage of self-editing … is the kind of attention you have to pay to your own work while you’re doing the self-editing. It demands that you revise again and again until what you’ve written rings true. Until you can believe it.” – Chapter Twelve, “Voice”

This was the kind of advice I needed to self-edit my manuscript before I sent it off to a professional editor.

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So TKZers: What proverb about writing has helped you? What books do you turn to in order to study the craft? What writing conferences have influenced you the most?

 

Reen Penterson is determined to find a treasure hidden by the mysterious Mr. Shadow so she’ll become rich and famous and won’t have to go to school anymore. Her father wisely advises her to think about Proverbs 30:8.

EBOOK ON SALE NOW: 99¢ on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Kobo, Google Play, and Apple Books.

 

Fluff, Flab, and Filler

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Canada wildfires are affecting the air quality in my area. The National Weather Service wrote, “acceptable; however, the air quality may pose a moderate health concern for a very small number of individuals.”

Strange statement, considering three out of four of my closest friends feel like they have a sinus infection or head cold. I wouldn’t classify 75% as a “very small number of individuals.” Also, who writes for the National Weather Service? Can’t be a professional writer, or “very small” wouldn’t be the term they used.

Substitutes for “very small”

  • Tiny
  • Minuscule
  • Minute
  • Few
  • Diminutive
  • Limited
  • Trifling
  • Teensy-weensy
  • Slight

The subject of fluff arose last week while I was reading a brand new writer’s partial manuscript, including a prologue that was all backstory—important for her to know but irrelevant to the reader.

Rather than teach her how to tighten her writing, I focused on scene structure and techniques to force her characters to do something, anything. After several pages of notes, the fluff conversation could wait. The last thing I wanted was to obliterate a young writer’s dreams. Instead, I gave her a gentle nudge in the right direction.

For those farther along in their journey or career, recognizing fluff is an important subject. Those pesky buggers that sneak into first drafts and weaken our writing are better known as filler words and phrases aka fluff or flab.

If a filler word serves a purpose, such as to enhance characterization in dialogue, keep it. The objective is to tighten the writing by eliminating unnecessary words or phrases that might distract the reader.

Filler/Fluff/Flab Words 

Just

Just should almost always be deleted.

Original: I just couldn’t bear to say goodbye.

Rewrite: I couldn’t bear to say goodbye.

That

That litters many first drafts, but it can often be deleted without any harm to the original sentence.

Original: I believe that all writers should kill their darlings.

Rewrite: All writers should kill their darlings.

The original sentence has another problem. Did you catch it? Believe in this context is a telling word. Any time we tell the reader things like “I thought” or “He knew” or “She felt” or “I believe,” we slip out of deep POV. Thus, the little darling must die, as I did in the rewrite.

So

Original: So, this huge guy glared at me in the coffee line.

Rewrite: This musclebound, no-necked guy glared at me in the coffee line.

Confession: I use “so” all the time IRL. It’s also one of the (many) writing tics I search for in my work. The only exception to eliminating this, or any other, filler word is if it’s used with purpose, like as a character cue word.

Really

Original: She broke up with him. He still really loves her.

Sometimes removing filler means combining or rewording sentences.

Rewrite: When she severed their relationship, his heart weakened.

Very

We’ve established where the National Weather Service went wrong with very, but I’ll include it anyway.

Original: He made me very happy.

Rewrite: When he neared, my skin tingled.

Of

To determine if “of” is necessary read the sentence with and without it. Makes sense without it? Delete. Doesn’t? Keep it.

Original: She bolted out of the door.

Rewrite: She bolted out the door.

Up (following an action)

Original: He stood up tall.

Rewrite: He stood tall.

Down (following an action)

Original: He sat down on the sofa.

Rewrite: He sat on the sofa.

Want(ed)

Want/wanted are telling words. Rewrite to preserve deep POV.

Original: I really wanted the chocolate cake.

Substitute with a strong verb, such as: I drooled over the chocolate cake. One bite. What could it hurt?

Came/Went

Both are filler words because they’re not specific enough.

Original: I went to the store to buy my favorite ice cream.

Rewrite: I raced to Marco’s General Store to feed my craving for coffee ice cream.

Had

Too many had words give the impression the action took place prior to the main storyline. If it is used in a flashback, one had in the opening sentence signals the beginning, one at the end closes the scene. But if it’s clear the action occurred in the past, had can often be omitted.

Original: I had gazed at the painting for hours, waiting for the eyes to move.

Rewrite: For hours, I gazed at the painting. The eyes never moved.

Well (to start a sentence)

Original: Well, the homecoming queen attended the dance without the homecoming king.

Rewrite: The homecoming queen attended the dance, stag.

Literally/Basically

Original: I basically had to drag her out of the bar by her hair.

Rewrite: I dragged her out of the bar by her hair.

Original: I literally laundered money today. Still plucking bills from the lint filter.

Rewrite: I laundered money today. Still plucking bills from the lint filter.

Actually

Original: Actually, I did mind.

Rewrite: I minded.

Highly

Original: She was highly annoyed by his presence.

Rewrite: His presence infuriated her.

Totally

Original: I totally didn’t understand a word.

Rewrite: Huh? *kidding* I didn’t understand a word. Was that English?

And any other -ly adverb. Can you substitute with a strong verb or noun instead?

Anyway (to start a sentence)

Original: Anyway, I hope you laughed, loved, and lazed on your summer vacation.

Rewrite: I hope you laughed, loved, and lazed on your summer vacation.

Fluff Phrases

Most of these phrases should be omitted. If used for a purpose, like to enhance characterization with a catch phrase, feel free to keep it. Otherwise, delete. It’s even more important to eliminate fluff if you’re still developing your voice.

A bit

Original: The movie was a bit intense. Lots of blood.

Rewrite: Intense movie. Blood galore.

There is no doubt that

Original: There is no doubt that football season begins in the fall.

Rewrite: Football season begins in the fall.

The reason is that

Original: The reason is that I said you can’t go.

Rewrite: Because I said so, that’s why (shout-out to moms everywhere!).

The question as to whether

Original: The question as to whether the moon will rise again is irrelevant.

Rewrite: Whether the moon will rise again is irrelevant.

Whether or not

Original: Whether or not you agree is not my problem.

Or worse: Whether you agree or not is not my problem.

Rewrite: Whether you agree is not my problem.

This is a topic that

Original: This is a topic that is close to my heart.

Rewrite: This topic is close to my heart.

In spite of the fact 

Original: In spite of the fact that he said he loved you, he’s married.

Rewrite: Although he professed his love, he’s married.

Or: Despite that he claimed to love you, he’s married.

The fact that

Original: The fact that he has not succeeded means he cannot do the job.

Rewrite: His failure proves he cannot do the job.

In order to

Original: In order to pay bills online, you need internet access.

Rewrite: To pay bills online, you need internet access.

At the end of the day

Original: At the end of the day, we’re all human.

Rewrite: We’re human. Fallible.

Not gonna lie

This phrase irritates me, is overused by the younger crowd, and only raises questions.

  • Why would you lie? We’re having a friendly conversation.
  • Never considered you’d lie, but now I’m suspicious.

Original: Not gonna lie, that chocolate cake almost killed me.

Rewrite: That chocolate cake almost killed me.

I’ve joined the crowd affected by air pollutants from the wildfires. Please bear with me today. Not feeling my best. But don’t let that stop you from adding filler words & phrases I missed.

Even More Villainous Words of Wisdom

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Villains are the catalysts for mysteries and thrillers. Without them, there would be no murder to solve, no threat to stop, no dastardly deed to foil. They test the hero to the utmost, and must be confronted in one form or another by story’s end. Furthermore, not only are villains essential to mysteries and thrillers, they are also vital in many other genres ranging from fantasy and science fiction, to action, adventure, westerns and others.

Today Words of Wisdom returns to this evergreen topic once more with three insightful excerpts from the KZB archives. Elaine Viets offers advice on creating likeable villains. Becca Puglisi discusses villain backstories and their connection with the hero. Finally, Debbie Burke, who just published an insightful book on villains, shares wisdom on the villain’s story and behaviors.

The original three posts are all well-worth reading in full. As always, each excerpt is date-linked to the full version.

Make your villains smart. Or at least crafty.

Tiffany quickly becomes the fourth wife of rich old Cole Osborne and they live in luxury in Fort Lauderdale.
“I never went to college, but I wasn’t stupid,” Tiffany said. “I knew now that Cole had tied the knot with me, my struggle had just begun. Cole was very, very classy, and I had to fit in with his rich friends.”

Make your villains self-aware.

The Joni Mitchell song was Tiffany’s anthem, and she recognized herself in the lyrics of “Dog Eat Dog.” Especially the part about slaves. Some were well-treated . . .
And some like poor beasts
Are burdened down to breaking
Tiffany said, “This was a dog eat dog world – more so than the trailer park where I used to live. I was a well-treated slave, and I’d sold myself into slavery, but I knew that.”
Our villain has knows she’s living in comfort, but she can’t get comfortable.
“One misstep, and I’d be one of those poor beasts, working again at the local hardware store or greeting people at Walmart. I had a prenup that would give me a measly hundred thousand dollars if we divorced, but if I could hang on until Cole died, I’d get half his fortune.”

Make your villains work for their success. That way, readers can root for them.

Cindy knew she’s landed her pretty derriere in a tub of butter, but she knew her work has just started. Among other things, Cindy changed her name to a classier “Tish.”
She also “made friends with his housekeeper, Mrs. Anderson. She’d been with him for twenty years and three wives. I slipped her a little extra out of my mad money account that Cole gave me, and Mrs. A told me where to shop on Las Olas, the local Rodeo Drive, and which saleswoman to make an appointment with. She also advised me to ditch my long fake nails and get a nice, refined French manicure, then sent me to a salon where I had my long hair tamed into fashionable waves and the color became ‘not so blonde’ as the tactful stylist said.”

Make your villains aware of the stakes if they fail.

Now readers have more reasons to root for them.
“As I got into my mid-twenties, I had to work hard to keep my girlish figure,” Tiffany said. “My trainer was worse than a drill sergeant, and I endured endless runs on the beach. Awful as it was, it beat standing on my feet all day on a concrete floor, running a cranky cash register for nine dollars an hour.”

Create a conflict – and an even worse villain.

Tiffany says, “I thought I could sail smoothly into Cole’s sunset years and collect the cash when he went to his reward. But then that damn preacher showed up. The smarmy Reverend Joseph Starr, mega-millionaire pastor of Starr in the Heavens.”
As much as we may dislike money-hungry Tiffany, the bloodsucking TV preacher is even worse. He plays on Cole’s fear of death and walks off with a check for a million dollars on his first visit – and the Reverend has his sights set on more.
“Starr would work on Cole’s guilt and milk him for every dollar – my husband was one big cash cow,” the practical Tiffany said.
Now that her husband was in the hospital on life support, Tiffany has to find a way to kill her husband and put the blame on the Reverend Starr.
Does Tiffany succeed? Or does the Reverend Starr walk off with the money? You’ll have to read “Dog Eat Dog” to find out – and see if I made you root for her.
Tell us, TKZers. How do you humanize your villains?

Elaine Viets—June 10, 2021

 

THEY HAVE A BACKSTORY (AND YOU KNOW WHAT IT IS) 

Authors know how important it is to dig into their protagonist’s backstory and have a strong grasp of how it has impacted that character. Yet one of the biggest mistakes we make with villains is not giving them their own origin story. A character who is evil with no real reason behind their actions or motivations isn’t realistic, making them stereotypical and a bit…meh.

To avoid this trap, know your villain’s beginnings. Why are they the way they are? What trauma, genetics, or negative influencers have molded them into their current state? Why are they pursuing their goal—what basic human need is lacking that achieving the goal will satisfy? The planning and research for this kind of character is significant, but it will pay off in the form of a memorable and one-of-a-kind villain who will give your hero a run for his money and intrigue readers.

THEY SHARE A CONNECTION WITH THE PROTAGONIST 

In real life, we have many adversaries. Some of them are distant—the offensive driver on the highway or that self-serving, flip-flopping politician you foolishly voted for. Those adversaries can create problems for us, but the ones that do the most damage—the ones we find hardest to confront—are those we share a connection with. Parents, siblings, exes, neighbors we see every day, competitors we both admire and envy, people we don’t like who are similar to us in some way…conflicts with these people are complicated because of the emotions they stir up.

The same is true for our protagonists. The most meaningful clashes will be with the people they know. Use this to your advantage. Bring the villain in close and make things personal by engineering a connection between the two characters. Here are a few options for you to work with.

  • Give Them a Shared History. The more history the two have, the more emotion will be involved. Guilt, rage, grief, fear, jealousy, regret, desire—strong feelings like these will add sparks to their interactions. They’ll cloud the protagonist’s judgment and increase the chances their villain will gain an edge.
  • Make Them Reflections of Each Other. What happens when the protagonist sees him or herself in the villain? A seed of empathy forms. The hero feels a connection with the person they have to destroy, which complicates things immensely. Personality traits, flaws, vulnerabilities, wounding events, needs and desires—all of these (and more) can be used to forge a bond that will add complexity and depth to this important relationship.
  • Give Them a Shared Goal. When your hero and your villain are pursuing the same objective, it accomplishes a number of good things. First, it ensures that only one of them can be the victor, pitting them against each other. But they’re also more likely to understand one another. They’ll have different reasons and methods of chasing the dream, but the shared goal can create an emotional connection.

Becca Puglisi—September 5, 2022

The villain’s story is thus one of declining power while the hero’s story is one of rising power…In defeat, the villain’s mastery is handed over to the hero.  The villain’s deficiencies of character have been exposed; the hero’s deficiencies have been corrected.  The two journeys, one the inverse of the other, are completed.

In another article, Scott traces the stages that cause some people to become villains, both in real life and in fiction:

  • The pre-villain is an ordinary person living in an ordinary world that is safe and familiar.
  • Something happens that hurls this ordinary person into the “special world” that is dangerous and unfamiliar.
  • Often this new dangerous world is the world of abuse, with the ordinary person at the receiving end of emotional or physical abuse.
  • Typically, the abuser is a parent, but sometimes another authority figure, peers, or harsh social conditions damage this ordinary person.
  • The ordinary person suffers psychological harm that can assume the form of narcissism, psychopathy, depression, or schizoaffective disorders.
  • This mental illness distorts the ordinary person’s views of themselves and the world, often producing an extreme self-narcissism and/or collective narcissism of their community or nation.
  • The ordinary person remains unaware of their skewed perception of reality and is never able to acknowledge their damaged state nor their need for psychological and/or spiritual help.
  • As a result of their untreated trauma, the villain undergoes terrible suffering, often in private, but is unable to learn or grow from it. Their deep fears and sadness transform into anger.

Okay, that covers the villain’s backstory and motivations but…

What about mysteries where the villain is hidden until the end? How does a writer handle the origin story and motivations when the villain’s point of view is never shown?

We’ve all watched films with the tired old trope where the hero is captured and tied to a chair. Then, because the writer couldn’t think of a less clumsy device, the villain bares their soul to the hero, revealing they were driven to exterminate humanity because they’d been potty-trained at gunpoint.

To avoid that pitfall, Chris Winkle of Mythcreants.com offers these suggestions:

The most important method of showing your villain’s character arc – or any character arc – is demonstrating a change in behavior. If you keep their arc simple enough, that could be all you need. The basic unit of changing behavior would look like this:

  1.  
    1. The villain shows a clear pattern of behavior.
    2. An event occurs that would reasonably impact the villain.
    3. The villain shows a different pattern of behavior. 

Chris outlines several options for the unseen villain’s character arc:

Gain/Loss:

“The villain gains and/or loses something they care deeply about, and that drives their character change. Usually what they gain or lose is a person they love, but it can be anything as long as you can show the audience why it’s so important.”

Obsession: 

“This is a villain that changes their motives during the story because they acquire a new obsession or goal. Often that obsession is the main character, but it also might be a shiny new superpower.”

Revelation: 

“This is a great arc for villains who think they’re doing the right thing and consider all the harm they cause justified. In this arc, they have a revelation that challenges this belief, forcing them to adapt.”

Chris’s summary:

If you want a sympathetic villain and you can afford to give them their own viewpoint, that’s great. Give them a deep arc your audience will remember.

Debbie Burke—September 13, 2022

***

  1. Is it important to you for villains to be likeable? If so, how do you build that likeability?
  2. How much do you consider your villain’s backstory, and also any connection with your hero?
  3. What do you think about the advice Debbie shared about the stages of becoming a villain and showing their character arc?

The Backwards Law for Writers

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I stumbled across the subject of The Backwards Law by accident—a happy accident that led me to The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck. Excellent book that I devoured in two sittings.

The Backwards Law proposes the more we pursue something, the less satisfied we become. For writers, the constant pursuit of “more” causes us to feel horrible about where we are and what we’ve achieved. The harder we try, the less likely we are to succeed.

On the surface, it seems like the opposite of perseverance, doesn’t it? But it’s not. The Backwards Law goes much deeper than that.

Think of it this way:

  • Trying too hard to be creative or write something brilliant often leads to writer’s block, self-doubt, and a feeling of being disconnected from the work.
  • Only focusing on the end result—recognition, success, publication—causes unnecessary anxiety and pressure.
  • The fear of making mistakes or writing poorly will paralyze a writer and often will lead to abandoning the WIP.

“Wanting a positive experience is a negative experience; accepting a negative experience is a positive experience.” Mark Manson – The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck.

Alan Watts, the philosopher who coined the phrase, describes The Backwards Law as being in a lake. If you relax and put your head back, you’ll float. But the more you struggle and flail to try to stay afloat, the more you will sink.

Often our search for “more” has the opposite effect. It shines a spotlight on what we lack.

Life Examples

  • The more we cling to a loved one, the more they will feel suffocated and in need of space.
  • The more we obsess about accumulating money, the more poor and unworthy we will feel.
  • The more we pursue trying to feel happier all the time, the more we will reinforce this idea that we are fundamentally lacking and irreparable.

Do you even know what you want?

Sure, selling millions of copies of your book sounds great, but is that why you wrote it? Or maybe, you can’t define what you’re chasing. You just want more.

“Two reasons that you don’t really know what you want. Number one: you have it. Number two: you don’t know yourself, because you never can. The Godhead is never an object of its own knowledge, just as a knife doesn’t cut itself, fire doesn’t burn itself, light doesn’t illuminate itself.” ~ Alan Watts

In The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck, Mark Manson tells the story of a talented young guitarist who was kicked out of his band in 1983, after they had just been signed by a record label. No warning. No reason given. No discussion. They woke him up and handed him a bus ticket.

After much self-pity on the ride home to LA, the guitarist vowed to start a new group that would be so successful, his old band would seethe with jealously. And so, with only that thought in mind, he worked tirelessly to find the best musicians. He wrote dozens of songs. Practiced day and night. Revenge became his muse.

Within two years, a record label signed his new band. One year later, their first record went gold. The guitarist’s name? Dave Mustaine, lead guitarist in the heavy metal band Megadeath, which went on to sell over 25 million albums and tour the world many times. Mustaine is considered one of the most influential musicians in the history of heavy metal music.

Sounds like the story has a happy ending, right?

Not quite.

The band who kicked him out was Metallica, which has sold over 180 million albums worldwide and is considered by many to be one of the greatest rock bands of all time.

Because of Metallica’s fame, Mustaine considered himself a failure. Despite all he’d accomplished, in his mind, he would always be the guy who got kicked out of Metallica and nothing more. Whether he realized it or not, Mustaine used Metallica’s success and popularity as his life-defining measuring stick. Even after all of Megadeath’s success, he could never be happy, because he based his self-worth and music career on something he had no control over.

This story perfectly illustrates The Backwards Law in action.

Accept imperfection and you’ll feel perfect. Accept loneliness and you’ll feel content alone. Accepting a negative experience is a positive experience. But fighting a negative experience means you’ll suffer twice.

  • When we stop trying to be happy, we’ll be happy because there’s nothing we need beyond what is.
  • When we stop trying to be rich or massively successful, we’ll live in abundance because we’re content with what we have and anything on top of that is a bonus.

Thus, the only way to have what we want is not to want it. And that’s what The Backwards Law teaches us.

Being aware of the workings of The Backwards Law doesn’t mean that we should never set goals, never have ambitions, or never chase our dreams. Rather, The Backwards Law teaches us not to be fooled by the idea that the pursuit of happiness (whatever that looks like to you) leads to happiness. When in fact, the opposite is true. And with that knowledge, we’re able to enter the blissful state of enjoying the journey.

“The mystery of life is not a problem to be solved but a reality to be experienced.” ~ Alan Watts

How do we get what we want without trying?

Depends on what we want. If we strive to write the best damn book we can, the following tips should help.

Mindful Writing: Practice mindfulness while writing. It’ll help you become more aware of your thoughts and feelings without judgment, allowing you to be more present in the moment.

Step Away: It’s okay to step away from the WIP to clear your head. Go for a walk. Take a shower. Read a book. Exercise. I do this all the time when I’m working out a plot issue. Nine times out of ten, the answer reveals itself as soon as I stop thinking about it.

Accept Imperfection: Give yourself permission to make mistakes in early drafts. It’ll allow you to experiment and explore different ideas without fear.

Stay Present: Enjoy the journey of bringing your idea to life. Have fun with your characters. Revel in that perfect sentence or paragraph you wrote yesterday, then continue on.

The Backwards Law for writers is about shifting from a place of striving and pressure to a place of flow and acceptance. 

By letting go of the need to control the outcome and embrace the process, we’ll unlock creativity and produce more authentic and fulfilling work.

Have you heard of The Backwards Law? It’s as true for writing as it is for life.