About Debbie Burke

Debbie writes the Tawny Lindholm series, Montana thrillers infused with psychological suspense. Her books have won the Kindle Scout contest, the Zebulon Award, and were finalists for the Eric Hoffer Book Award and BestThrillers.com. Her articles received journalism awards in international publications. She is a founding member of Authors of the Flathead and helps to plan the annual Flathead River Writers Conference in Kalispell, Montana. Her greatest joy is mentoring young writers. http://www.debbieburkewriter.com

Motional Intelligence – New Tool to Build Characters

by Debbie Burke

Spell check thinks the word “motional” is a typo. But it isn’t.

Motional Intelligence: The Power of Movement in Leadership is the title of a new book by Dr. Scott Allison and Dr. George Goethals, professors emeriti at University of Richmond. Their premise is that humans register first impressions of others, not from physical appearance nor what they say, but from how they move.

They write: “Motion is core to social interaction. Before anyone speaks, a conversation has already begun…Speech came late. Motion came first.”  Motional intelligence sounded like a great potential tool for writers to build more interesting characters. So I reached out to Scott Allison to learn more.

Here’s our interview:

Debbie Burke: Thanks for agreeing to talk with me about Motional Intelligence. Would you please explain this concept to Kill Zone readers?

Scott Allison: Yes indeed. Here’s our definition of Motional Intelligence, which we abbreviate as MI. MI is the capacity to use one’s body movements intentionally to communicate and influence others, to accurately perceive, decode, and interpret the body movements of others across contexts, and to regulate one’s own movements – and one’s interpretations of others – in response to shifting social demands. So you can see there are 3 aspects of MI – an expressive component (how we display our own motions), an interpretive component (how we decode others’ motions), and a regulatory component (how we plan and adjust our motions to situational demands). We do these three things effortlessly and often without conscious awareness.

DB: What inspired you to write this book?

SA: One day, somewhere between burgers and coffee, my co-author George Goethals and I shared an epiphany: everything we were analyzing – heroism, leadership, empathy, influence, conflict – depended less on what people said and more on how they moved. Yet psychology had no comprehensive framework for this. This book began the moment we realized that these motions are not incidental to human life; they are human life. According to evolutionary biology, speech came late, and motion came first. George and I just had to write about this!

DB: You talk about familiar ways to measure intelligence like IQ (logical reasoning, problem-solving) and EI (emotional intelligence) but you say MI (motional intelligence) is different. Can you expand on that?

SA: Motional intelligence (MI) is one of many aspects of overall intelligence. MI is not the same as emotional intelligence (EI). EI centers on the perception, regulation, and expression of emotions, typically through facial cues, vocal tone, and affective appraisal. MI, by contrast, isolates a different communicative channel entirely: the dynamic language of body movement.

DB: Is “body language” the same as motional signals?

SA: Yes, in the sense that we use our bodies to communicate, to persuade, and to trigger emotional responses in others.

DB: What character/personality traits are revealed through MI?

SA: Pretty much every personality trait than humans possess can be revealed through motion. Kindness is revealed through a soft posture, a smile, a tilt of the head, and the reaching out of a hand. Dominance is revealed through very different posture, facial expression, and use of limbs. Before anyone speaks, a conversation has already begun. A stranger’s shoulders soften as you approach; a friend leans in before offering a word; a colleague’s foot angles toward the door long before they admit they’re late for another meeting. We live inside a constant choreography of meaning – signals given and received, often without our awareness.

DB: Do you have ideas how writers could use MI to bring fictional characters to life?

SA: Authors of fiction can use MI to animate characters in ways that transcend dialogue and emotional description. Rather than merely telling readers what a character feels, writers can reveal personality, motives, status, intentions, and inner conflict through patterns of movement—posture, gait, gesture, rhythm, pacing, stillness, spatial orientation, and bodily timing. A character with high MI, for example, may subtly mirror another person’s posture to build trust, regulate the emotional climate of a room through calm and deliberate movement, or communicate dominance through economy of motion rather than overt aggression. Conversely, low MI might appear in awkward timing, invasive spatial behavior, rigid posture, excessive fidgeting, or an inability to interpret others’ bodily signals accurately. Fiction writers can also use MI developmentally: a character’s evolving movement patterns may symbolize psychological transformation, growing confidence, moral corruption, intimacy, trauma, or heroic maturation. In this way, bodily motion becomes a narrative language that conveys character identity and relational dynamics at a pre-verbal level, making fictional people feel vividly alive and authentic.

DB: Writers are advised to show, don’t tell. Can you suggest how MI might be used to show relationships between characters? How about to show their conflicts?

SA: MI offers fiction writers a powerful “show, don’t tell” toolkit for revealing relationships and conflict through bodily movement rather than explicit explanation. Healthy relationships can be conveyed through movement synchrony—characters mirroring posture, walking in step, sharing relaxed rhythms, anticipating one another’s actions, or comfortably occupying shared space—thereby signaling trust, intimacy, affection, or familiarity. Romantic attraction may appear in subtle orientation cues, lingering gestures, or softened movement, while friendship may emerge through playful physical ease and unguarded posture. Conflict, though, often disrupts bodily coordination through avoidance, rigid posture, pacing, competing movement rhythms, territorial spacing, or emotional stillness. Writers can also show relational transformation over time by altering these movement patterns, allowing bodily synchrony, distance, hesitation, or tension to function as a nonverbal narrative language that makes fictional relationships feel psychologically authentic and vividly alive.

DB: I can imagine ways that misreads of a character’s MI could lead to misinterpretations and plot complications. You’re also a film expert and co-author of the book Reel Heroes and Villains. Can you give movie examples where MI (or lack thereof) was instrumental in driving the plot?

SA: Absolutely. MI is often central to cinematic storytelling because film is an inherently movement-based medium. In The Dark Knight, Heath Ledger’s Joker possesses a dark form of MI. He constantly manipulates spatial dynamics, bodily unpredictability, and movement rhythm to destabilize others psychologically. His erratic gestures, invasive proximity, asymmetrical posture, and sudden stillness generate tension and fear, driving much of the film’s emotional chaos. In The Devil Wears Prada, Meryl Streep’s Miranda Priestly uses highly regulated MI to project authority. Her economy of motion, precise pacing, controlled stillness, and minimal gestures create an aura of dominance that shapes every interaction around her. In Napoleon Dynamite, Napolean’s social awkwardness emerges through stiff posture, delayed reactions, unusual gait, and poor synchrony with peers, creating both comedy and emotional isolation.

DB: Where can readers find your new book?

SA: Our MI book is available on Amazon or Barnes and Noble. There is a kindle version, too.

DB: Thank you, Scott, for exploring this interesting topic.

SA: My pleasure and thank you for showing an interest!

~~~

TKZers: Can you think of film characters who use MI especially effectively? Do you see ways MI might help your work in progress?

~~~

Dr. Scott Allison and Dr. George Goethals graciously gave me major assistance with the psychology of villains for The Villain’s Journey: How to Create Villains Readers Love to Hate

Please check out The Villain’s Journey at: 

Amazon

Barnes & Noble

Bookshop.org

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

First Page Critique – Digging Up the Dirt

by Debbie Burke

Today let’s welcome another Brave Author who submitted a first page for critique, genre described as “Comedic (Cosy – not so cosy) Crime.” Please read and enjoy then we’ll open the discussion.

Title: Digging up the dirt

‘Some secrets won’t stay buried.’ Myrtle’s mouth twitches, not quite a smile; there’s a malicious glee in her delivery.

Some secrets won’t stay buried — and I’m looking at the person most likely to make sure of it.

Her words land like a promise.

She’s itching to unearth what’s been hidden. To watch what crawls out and enjoy the look on everyone’s faces when it does.

She’s insane to believe that by betraying us she won’t expose herself.

Why couldn’t our investor, predator, blackmailer — call her what you like — have been Bob? Someone with the temperament of a Labrador, willing to please for a mere pat on his head.

Myrtle’s opportunistic and slippery as a catfish hauled from our Riviersvalleij river.

‘When did Constable Maritz take Sylvie away?’ I ask.

‘This morning.’ Her smile deepens.

I control the urge to slap her smug face; demand back the purloined shop keys and replace the locks.

She crams a fat wedge of Sylvie’s banana-bread into her mouth, then swigs back the dregs of a cappuccino. Both of which she’s helped herself to after letting herself into our shop.

I look around, spying the basket of homemade nougat wrapped in silvery cellophane, its ends twisted by Sylvie’s deft hands. The nougat has the same stretchiness as the Prestik that glues my scribbled genre labels on the shopworn bookshelves. Our combined distinctive minutiae are everywhere. How dare Myrtle think she’s welcome to claim part of our bookshop cafe.

It’s ours — mine and Sylvie’s.

Her earlier threatening suggestion that Sylvie’s doomed to spend time behind bars and I’ll be grateful for her help has lit an inferno inside me. The old me might have wilted, but she’s underestimated the power of our bond. If we’re going down, I’m bloody well dragging Myrtle with us.

Constable Maritz has carted Sylvie off to confiscate a sample of our dog food. Someone complained food isn’t fit for consumption.

This batch is to have ‘Happy belly – Healthy heart’ as a tagline. Sylvie’d conjured that up based on the resveratrol found in red wine. This time, the, shall I call it meat, lay marinating in a vat of wine for seven days. Let’s pray Sylvie didn’t claim the meat to be pork or horse, or whatever’s usually used in raw dog food. That would be a misrepresentation.

It’s the source of the meat that’s the problem.

It’ll land us in jail.

~~~

Kudos on a flash-bang first sentence! Great job beginning the scene in media res. The conflict is immediately shown without any backstory dump. Myrtle’s character is quickly established as gloating, threatening, and manipulative.

I suggest a slight rewrite:

‘Some secrets won’t stay buried.’ Myrtle’s mouth twitches, not quite a smile; there’s a with malicious glee in her delivery.

Some secrets won’t stay buried — and I’m looking at the person most likely to make sure they’re uncovered of it.

Repetition is not needed and dilutes the impact of the compelling first sentence.

The following line packs a lot into a few words:

“She’s insane to believe that by betraying us she won’t expose herself.”

This describes the situation (an apparent conspiracy), the stakes (if their secrets are exposed, they’re at risk), and a serious rift among characters. Good job! 

The voice is humorous and snarky with high tension lurking just below the surface. The author classified this story as “Comedic (Cosy – not so cosy) Crime” and that accurately nails the tone.

However, the next paragraph lost me.

“Why couldn’t our investor, predator, blackmailer — call her what you like — have been Bob? Someone with the temperament of a Labrador, willing to please for a mere pat on his head.”

Investor, predator, blackmailer is an excellent summation of Myrtle that explains her involvement.

But who the heck is Bob?

That distracted and confused me. My mind went off on a tangent wondering what role Bob plays and even thinking he might be the dog.

Then the focus shifts back to Myrtle who’s as “slippery as a catfish hauled from our Riviersvalleij river.” Wonderful description but it feels overdone, coming right on top of the comparison with the eager-to-please Lab.

At this point, the author needs to slow down a bit and let the reader catch a breath. Give them time to become grounded in this world.

Too much backstory slows pace, but too little confuses the reader.

I suggest cutting the paragraph about Bob and saving it for later. For now, keep the focus on Myrtle and the narrator.

The next paragraphs do a fine job of slipping in the setting without stopping the action, but tend to be a bit too complex in places.

“I control the urge to slap her smug face; demand back the purloined shop keys and replace the locks.”

That requires the reader to shift chronological gears mid-sentence. In the present, the narrator wants to slap her. In the past, it’s implied Myrtle has stolen the keys and let herself in. In the future, the narrator plans to change the locks.

Those details are good because they further build Myrtle’s character, as well as establish the narrator’s resentment. But I had to reread the sentence a couple of times to understand it. I suggest simplifying the chronology and getting rid of the semicolon.

Here’s another sentence that’s hard to comprehend: 

“Her earlier threatening suggestion that Sylvie’s doomed to spend time behind bars and I’ll be grateful for her help has lit an inferno inside me.”

I suggest breaking this into shorter sentences:

Myrtle’s threats light an inferno inside me. How dare she imply Sylvie could go to prison, then expect me to be grateful for her help? 

The next two sentences effectively summarize the narrator’s character, relationships, motivations, and goals:

“The old me might have wilted, but she’s underestimated the power of our bond. If we’re going down, I’m bloody well dragging Myrtle with us.”

Well done!

Then the author reveals a provocative detail: the mystery meat used to make dog food sold by the shop is illegal.

Hmm. I can’t help but think of the barbecue in Fried Green Tomatoes.

I’m curious about the setting. The use of single quotes for dialogue and the spelling of “cosy” signals British or Australian. “Prestik” is a rubber-based, reusable, adhesive putty made in South Africa. Eventually I’d like to know more about the location but the plot is intriguing enough that I’m willing to wait.

A dynamite first sentence grabs the reader’s attention. The situation unfolds quickly with blackmail, betrayal, and potential criminal charges. As a reader, I want to learn answers that may turn out to be gruesome.

Brave Author, I really enjoyed the dark, humorous tone of this page, but I suggest you slow down a bit and simplify some sentences. You pack in so much detail that, at times, it becomes overwhelming and a little confusing.

Overall, it’s well written and intriguing. 

Thanks for submitting!

~~~

TKZers: what is your impression of this first page? Do you want to dig deeper in the dirt?

~~~

 

“Authors of any genre will benefit by using this book to take a deeper dive into the antagonist of their story.” — James Scott Bell

“You will certainly find insight and inspiration to make your villains leap off the page and haunt your readers’ dreams.” – Christopher Vogler, The Writer’s Journey: Mythic Structure for Writers

 

 

Build multi-dimensional antagonists who fascinate and frighten readers in The Villain’s Journey – How to Create Villains Readers Love to Hate. 

Buy at Bookshop.org

Also in paperback and hardcover at 

Amazon

Barnes & Noble 

True Crime Thursday – Blurry Line Between Fact and Fiction

by Debbie Burke

Here’s a familiar trope in crime fiction: an author protagonist details a fictional murder that the author is later accused of. The book they wrote is used as evidence to prove their guilt or innocence.

Today’s True Crime story is a real-life case that carries that trope to the extreme.

In 2000, a Polish businessman named Dariusz Janiszewski disappeared. Four weeks later, his body was pulled from the River Oder near Wroklaw in southwest Poland. He had been tortured and tied with a rope noose around his neck that fastened to his ankles, pulling him into a painful backward cradle shape. If he struggled against the bonds, the noose would tighten, strangling him.

According to a scholarly paper (public domain) by Katarzyna Struzińska entitled “The Murderer as Writer, Storyteller and Protagonist: The Case of Krystian Bala”:

“The autopsy revealed that Janiszewski most probably died because of ligature strangulation; however, owing to some indicators showing that he was still alive when someone dropped him into the river, the possibility of death by drowning was not excluded [34]. Furthermore, the traces left on the deceased’s body showed that he had been beaten and starved for several days before he died.”

The gruesome crime shocked the community but there were no leads. The case went cold for several years.

Then in 2003 an author named Krystian Bala self-published a grisly novel entitled Amok that described a murder with specific details similar to Janiszewski’s death. The protagonist was named “Chris”, a variation on “Krystian.” Chris was portrayed as an arrogant narcissistic sadist who pushed beyond the limits of social, religious, moral, and legal boundaries.

A detective named Jacek Wroblewski had been working the unsolved cold case. When he learned about Bala’s book, he pursued that line of investigation, gathered some damning circumstantial evidence, and questioned Bala.

The alleged motive was jealousy for an affair between Janiszewski and Bala’s wife. A polygraph was inconclusive.

Bala reportedly confessed to the murder but then recanted. 

Per Polish law, he was released after 48 hours because of insufficient evidence.

Bala made public accusations against the police, claiming he’d been kidnapped, a plastic bag placed over his head, and tortured during questioning. His claims were disproved but the media had already kicked into high gear. The sensational case went viral with articles in Europe as well as international publications including The Guardian and Time.com.

Without physical proof or eyewitnesses, the detective continued to collect more circumstantial evidence. Phone calls to the victim shortly before the murder were traced back to Bala. He had also done online research about hanging and strangulation. Within days of the murder, Bala had sold Janizewski’s stolen phone through an internet auction site.

Meanwhile Bala vehemently protested his innocence, claiming an “oppressive police and justice system” had “treat[ed] the book as if it was a literal autobiography rather than a piece of fiction.”

In 2008, an in-depth account by David Grann was published in the New Yorker after Bala’s trial. Grann examined Bala’s background, influences, and beliefs. It’s a long article but gives considerable context detailing why many people were convinced of Bala’s guilt.

Grann’s article quotes Bala’s friend and former classmate Lotar Rasinski:

“He would tell these tall stories about himself,” Rasinski says. “If he told one person, and that person then told someone else, who told someone else, it became true. It existed in the language.” Rasinski adds, “Krystian even had a term for it. He called it ‘mytho-creativity.’ ”

Struzińska’s paper observes:

“Bala’s case might be one of the first stories that drew global attention to such a possibility of crossing the border between facts and fiction; nevertheless, this case of a writer-murder is not one-of-a-kind. For instance, in 2018 world media extensively covered the story of Nancy Crampton-Brophy, an American romance novelist, author of the novel The Wrong Husband and the essay How to Murder Your Husband, who was accused of killing her spouse, and in 2017 there was similar coverage of the case of Liu Yongbiao, a Chinese author (e.g., of the novel The Guilty Secret), who was sentenced to death for murdering four people after a 20-year-old cold case was solved [cf. 14, 17, 23, 26].”

During Bala’s 2007 trial, the court decided his book couldn’t be treated as evidence but still found him guilty based on other circumstantial evidence. He was sentenced to 25 years. He appealed and the case was retried, again resulting in conviction. He continued to protest, ultimately presenting his case to the Supreme Court of the Republic of Poland. They decided against him, which ended his legal recourse.

The case inspired Dateline-style true crime shows in Europe. Grann’s New Yorker article was reportedly optioned for film.

Despite the publicity, Struzińska’s paper says Bala admitted his book only sold a few thousand copies. He claimed to be writing a second book while in prison but apparently it has not been published.

Grann’s article quotes Bala as saying:

“I’m truly convinced that one day my book will be appreciated,” he said. “History teaches that some works of art have to wait ages before they are recognized.”

Bala achieved notoriety but the jury’s still out on the author’s “work of art.”

~~~

At TKZ, we often joke about police knocking on our doors based on our internet research.

As a writer, how consciously do you draw the line between fact and fiction?

~~~

 

In The Villain’s Journey-How to Create Villains Readers Love to Hate, discover fictional and real-world villains to inspire your own stories.

Amazon

Barnes and Noble

Pardon My Paranoia – Are Nosy Bots Reading Our Emails?

by Debbie Burke

 

Recently I had a disturbing email experience.

For some months, circumstances had prevented the five members of my critique group from meeting face to face. So we began exchanging group emails to bring each other up to date.

Since we’re friends as well as writing colleagues, our emails often include personal information about families, friends, dogs, health, etc.

With five people chiming in, a recent email chain became quite long.

Then one member received a pop-up notice at the top of her gmail that gave an “AI Overview” summarizing each person’s contributions to the discussion.

Where the &$%# did that come from??? How did a bot gain access to our emails?

Our conversations included deeply personal medical information about ourselves, family, and friends such as…

Who’s struggling with symptoms that doctors can’t diagnose? Who needs heart or brain surgery? And so on.

Private, personal, confidential conversations among close friends.

Out of nowhere, an AI bot gave us a nice, neat, efficient, accurate summary.

How helpful. But intrusive as hell.

How did this nosy bot access, read, and summarize our discussions?

Had an update from Gmail changed settings to allow AI summaries?

Click the following link for an article from HuffPo that describes what probably happened and reasons why we might not want a nosy little bot to read our emails.

More insights from Proton.me:

“Today, companies like Google are expanding AI access to private communications such as email, framing it as productivity and convenience. But Gemini operates under its own terms, making it harder to distinguish what data is handled by Gmail itself and what is processed by AI systems.”

If you don’t want Gemini AI summaries on Gmail, here’s how to change “smart” settings: help page.

When I checked my settings, I had already turned off “smart” features. Yet the AI summary still showed up. Hmmm. 

That leads me to believe someone else hadn’t disabled their smart features, which opened access to our Gmails.

***TKZ’s tech experts, please feel free share your knowledge in the comments.***

What does that mean for medical and legal professionals who send and receive confidential records? If a recipient doesn’t know to shut off their device’s smart features, can Gemini suck up private information for its own commercial use?

Doesn’t that violate HIPAA rules and attorney-client confidentiality???

I foresee class action lawsuits from victims damaged by confidentiality breaches.

What about writers?

We routinely email manuscripts to agents and editors. We also exchange manuscripts for beta reading, critique, editing, etc. Those manuscripts are copyrighted as soon as the author commits them to tangible form, on paper, digital file, etc. That protects our work, right?

Not necessarily.

You may have heard about the $1.5 billion judgment against Anthropic for using illegally obtained copyrighted books to train Claude, their large language model (LLM) AI program.

The award was a win for authors, right? Uh, only under limited conditions.

To qualify for compensation in the Anthropic settlement, their books had to be registered with the US Copyright Office, not just copyrighted.

Typically, traditional publishers register copyrights but some companies didn’t. Their authors were out of luck.

Also typically, copyrights are registered upon publication, after edits, rewrites, additions, etc.

That leaves many manuscripts in limbo.

What if we email manuscripts to agents or editors? Our work is copyrighted but, while it’s under submission, it’s probably not yet registered. Can these be vacuumed up to train LLMs?

Currently, regulation of AI’s use is virtually nonexistent. Laws haven’t caught up with constantly changing developments. Legislation to control and limit use is likely years away, maybe even decades.

Meanwhile, the ease, convenience, and efficiency of technology has seduced us into giving up privacy and confidentiality.

I turned off annoying Gemini intrusions by changing settings on my own computer, but I can’t control others’ devices. And of course I trust Google as much as that nice Nigerian prince who’s sending me millions. 

Yes, I could switch to a different email server but that would cut off my main contact point as an author.

I don’t know how to deal with this except to be more cautious of what I write in emails.

Back in 2019, I wrote about text messages that I naively thought were private. Then I learned Facebook, Amazon, Google, etc. had accessed my texts to send advertising related to them. Stealth permissions buried deep in the phone’s terms and conditions grant access to third parties. By using the phone, you agree to the conditions, even when they’re next to impossible to find.

Six years later, Gmail is in a similar state where the onus is on the user to go extra miles to opt out of invasions into privacy.

This reminds me of wise advice from an attorney mentioned in the 2019 post: “Don’t put in writing anything you wouldn’t want to be read in open court.”

~~~

TKZers: Have you run into Gemini’s email summaries? What do you do to maintain online privacy? Or does that no longer matter?

~~~

You can’t believe your eyes. Can investigator Tawny Lindholm and attorney Tillman Rosenbaum save an innocent woman’s life after deep fake videos show the world she’s guilty? Find out in Deep Fake Double Down, winner of BookLife’s best mystery contest.

Sales link

Cause and Effect – Guest Post by Lindsey Hughes AKA The Pitchmaster

by Debbie Burke

Recently I read an outstanding article by Pitchmaster Lindsey Hughes about the importance of cause and effect in story momentum. Her words really hit home so I invited her to share her wisdom with Kill Zone readers.

Lindsey Hughes, Pitchmaster

 

Welcome to The Zone, Lindsey!

Cause and Effect: The Story Chain Reaction

A story is not just a string of things that happen. A story is a chain reaction.

This happens, therefore that happens.

  • A character makes a choice, therefore something changes.
  • A secret is revealed, therefore a relationship blows up.
  • A plan fails, therefore the hero has to try something riskier, scarier, or stupider.

That is cause and effect.

And when it is working, your story feels inevitable. It pulls the reader or viewer forward because every scene creates the next one. The audience does not have to be dragged through the story. They lean in because they feel the momentum.

When cause and effect is weak, the opposite happens.

Your story starts to feel episodic. Random. Wobbly. Things happen because you, the writer, need them to happen, not because the characters, stakes, and previous events naturally created them. The audience may not always be able to name the problem, but they feel it.

Story Momentum = Cause and Effect

Cause and effect is the principle that each important event in your story should grow out of something that came before it.

Not: And then this happened. And then this happened. And then this happened.

Because: this happened, the character did this. Because they did this, things got worse. Because things got worse, they made a bigger choice.

That is story momentum. A strong story does not just have events. It has connected events.

Consequences ➡️ Escalation ➡️ Pressure = Story Momentum

Readers and viewers keep going because they want to know what happens next.

If your hero sends the reckless email, kisses the wrong person, and opens the forbidden door, we want the fireworks.

Cause creates effect.
Effect becomes the next cause.
That next cause creates a bigger effect.

Now your story has rhythm, ratcheting tension, and building suspense.

Think dominoes, not beads on a string

A weak plot is often a bead necklace. Pretty scenes, one after another, threaded together because they all belong to the same story.

A strong plot is a domino line. Each piece knocks into the next.

That does not mean every scene must be loud, explosive, or full of car chases. Quiet stories need cause and effect just as much as thrillers do. In a romance, one honest conversation may trigger a breakup, which triggers distance, which triggers longing, which triggers a reckless declaration in the rain. In a mystery, one missed clue can lead to a false accusation, which drives away an ally, which gives the villain more room to operate.

The genre changes. The principle does not.

How Writers Lose Cause and Effect

Cause and effect is one of those craft elements that sounds obvious until you are 175 pages into a draft, three cups of coffee deep, and your heroine has somehow ended up in Prague with a knife and a new boyfriend.

A few common problems:

1. You are thinking in scenes, not in consequences.
You know you want the breakup scene, the chase scene, the kiss scene, the courtroom scene. Wonderful. But if those scenes are not triggered by what came before, they feel placed instead of earned.

2. Your character is not driving the action.
If the plot keeps happening to your protagonist, instead of being shaped by your protagonist’s choices, cause and effect get mushy and your story stalls.

3. You are using information as a shortcut.
A clue appears. A person arrives. A stranger reveals exactly what the hero needs to know. Convenient? Yes. Satisfying? No.

At the end of each major scene, ask: What changed because of this?

If the answer is not much, the scene may be static.

Then ask: What does this scene cause?

If the answer is nothing in particular, you may not have cause and effect. You may just have a sequence.

A sequence is not enough. A murder happens. Then the detective visits the widow. Then he talks to the neighbor. Then he gets coffee. Then he finds a clue. That is a sequence.

Instead, a murder happens. Because the detective suspects the widow, he pushes too hard. Because he pushes too hard, she shuts down and lies. Because she lies, he follows the wrong lead. Because he follows the wrong lead, the killer gets more time.

The Secret Ingredient: Character Choice

The strongest cause-and-effect chains usually grow out of character decisions, not random external events.

Yes, storms, accidents, and betrayals can launch or complicate a story. But what makes a plot feel rich is when the protagonist’s own choices create the mess. That is where drama lives.

  • Your hero refuses help because he is proud.
  • Your heroine hides the truth because she is ashamed.
  • Your villain overplays his hand because he is arrogant.

Those choices cause consequences. Those consequences force new choices. That is not just plot. That is plot married to character, which is where the sparks really fly.

Cause and effect not only holds your structure together. It is revealing who these people are under pressure.

Check Your Scenes for Cause and Effect

Take your scenes and connect them using one of these phrases:

  • Because of that…
  • Therefore…
  • But then…

Your heroine misses the meeting.
Because of that, her boss gives the project to her rival.
Because of that, she tries to prove herself another way.
But then, that choice backfires and costs her the client.
Because of that, she has to team up with the one person she cannot stand.

See how quickly that creates movement?

It also exposes weak links. If you cannot connect one scene to the next with a believable because of that or therefore, you may have found a structural soft spot.

When a draft feels flat, random, or slow, ask:

  • What does this event cause?
  • What choice grows out of it?
  • What consequence makes the next scene inevitable?

Remember, story is not about events lined up politely in a row. Story is about pressure, choice, and fallout. Cause and Effect.

~~~

Many thanks, Lindsey, for visiting the Zone! 

Comments are welcome below. 

Lindsey Hughes loves helping people discover their superpower, create compelling content, and feel excited about pitching and networking.  She teaches how to pitch like a boss, network like a VIP, and write like an Oscar winner.

In her wide-ranging career as a Hollywood development executive, Lindsey has worked in everything from feature films, television movies, and TV series, to animation and live action.  She began her career reading scripts for Robert Zemeckis and Kathryn Bigelow, worked under Michael Eisner at Walt Disney Feature Animation, and developed projects for John H. Williams, producer of the billion dollar Shrek franchise.

She is the author of two books, the upcoming Sell Your Book to Hollywood: How to Pitch Your Book, Find the Right Producer, and Navigate the Deal and How to Turn Your Screenplay Into a Novel.

For help with storytelling and networking you can reach her at thepitchmaster.com.  To be notified when How to Pitch Your Book to Hollywood is published, sign up at booktohollywood.com. Subscribe to her free weekly newsletter for actionable creativity and career tips at thepitchmaster.com/newsletter.

 

 

True Crime Thursday – Government License and Permit Scams

by Debbie Burke

You may be familiar with email and text scams from fraudsters claiming you missed jury duty or owe traffic fines or road tolls. Immediate payment is demanded, or they threaten you’ll be arrested, your driver’s license suspended, yada, yada, yada.

https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc/4.0/

When such messages are sent by email, they’re called “phishing.” Those sent by text are “smishing.”

https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc/4.0/

Many victims fall for these scams because the convincing messages look and sound like the government agencies they supposedly represent. Plus they play on fear and urgency.

Well, criminals have stepped up to a new level of sophistication.

If you plan to build, remodel, make additions, or otherwise change the use of your property, you may need to obtain permits and/or licenses. When a business or individual applies, the information filed for those projects is publicly available and can be accessed by criminals. That includes the property address, as well as actual code numbers for required permits.

In some states (like Florida), even a change as small as replacing a window requires permits, inspections, and, of course, fees.

Zoning and licensing departments are usually backed up, causing delays in project completion while the property owner waits for inspections and re-inspections before they receive approval to continue.

So it’s not surprising to receive an email that appears to originate from these agencies demanding fees. If you don’t pay immediately, they warn your project will be delayed, disapproved, and blocked.

Anyone who’s ever built a house or developed property understands the frustration of constant delays, as well as fees on top of fees on top of more fees.

Criminals are quick to recognize new profit opportunities. Permit and license scams are among the latest.

The FBI issued a public service announcement on March 9, 2026, warning about the recent rising trend of phishing emails from criminals impersonating government departments.

According to the PSA:

  • The emails contain detailed, accurate information about planning and zoning requests, including property addresses, case numbers, and the true names of city and county officials.

  • The emails use professional language, formatting, and imagery consistent with legitimate government communications for planning and zoning applications, including review processes, planning commission procedures, regulatory compliance, and relevant ordinances.

  • The email addresses contain usernames similar to city or county planning and zoning departments but originate from non-governmental domains, such as “@usa.com”

  • Email delivery may be timed to coincide with ongoing communications with city and county officials regarding the permitting process.

  • Attached PDF invoices contain itemized statements of purported fees and direct applicants to request payment instructions via email, rather than telephone, to ensure a reliable audit trail for all correspondence related to the application. This is designed to deter the victim from calling the city or county office to verify the fees.

  • The emails emphasize urgency, threatening delays or other obstacles in the permitting process if the applicant does not immediately render payment.

So how do you determine if an email is real or fraudulent?

  • If they demand payment by wire transfer, peer-to-peer payment service, or cryptocurrency, it is a fraud. Government agencies do not require these methods. But criminals love them because funds can’t be traced, and you can’t recover your money.
  • Check the actual website (NOT the link in the email). You may find the agency has posted warnings with updates about new scams.
  • Call the agency using the phone number listed on their official website (NOT a number from the email). Find out if fees are actually due.

Some agencies even reach out proactively to warn of scams. For instance, a few days ago, I received an email from the Montana Secretary of State who handles business licenses. She warned impersonators were making bogus demands for fees from business owners.

Since her email didn’t ask for money, I knew it was genuine!

The FBI adds:

If you or someone you know has fallen victim to this impersonation scam, file a complaint with the IC3 at www.ic3.gov. Be sure to include any available information including:

  • The email address, date of email, phone number, if provided;

  • The date of your project’s scheduled hearing, if applicable; and,

  • The amount listed in the fraudulent invoice, the method requested to pay fees, and bank account information, if provided.

Under the best circumstances, the permit and licensing process is glacial in speed.

Unfortunately, in some instances, internal corruption means shakedowns and bribes are required before a project moves forward. Remember The Sopranos?

Now phishing scams will mire systems even more as people call to find out if notices are fakes. Plus agencies must field complaints from victims who’ve been defrauded.

Ironically, so-called “artificial” intelligence is being used to create scams that appear increasingly real.

Credit: Andrea Pokrzywinski

As AI improves, new phishing emails may not smell as phishy as older versions but they still are frauds (phrauds?). 

~~~

TKZers: Have you encountered phishing or smishing?

~~~

In Stalking Midas, glamorous con artist Cassandra Maza doesn’t need AI. Instead, she uses charm and flattery to ensnare her latest prey: a cranky senior who loves his nine rescue cats. Then investigator Tawny Lindholm uncovers the scam. Cassandra has killed before and each time it gets easier. Now Tawny is in her sights.

Sales link

Five Tips to Keep Track of Characters Behind the Scenes

by Debbie Burke

Crime fiction has multiple story lines. Readers see the story on the page, but important events also unfold behind the scenes that the reader may not see. TKZ’s own Jim Bell has a terrific term for this, “the Shadow Story.”

The shadow story follows the antagonist’s actions to thwart the hero. The hero (and the reader) may not be aware of what’s happening offstage as the villain lurks in the shadows, scheming and wreaking havoc.

That’s why the author must always keep track of antagonists and/or villains. (For this post, I’m using the terms somewhat interchangeably).

Stories require conflict. Antagonists cause conflict. Therefore, antagonists are as necessary, if not more so, than heroes.

If you lose track of your villain, you’ve lost the story’s primary cause of disruption and distress.

Here are five tips to monitor what antagonists are doing offscreen.

  1. Create two documents, parallel stories with one for the hero, one for the villain.

The hero’s story is what the reader sees on the page.

The shadow story tracks the villain offstage. This may or may not ever be visible to the reader.

In traditional whodunnit mysteries, the villain is hidden and not revealed until the end. The point of view is often limited to the hero’s, either first person or close third person. The parallel shadow story will not be shown on the page. Rather it is a working document for the author’s eyes only.

In suspense and thrillers, the reader may know or quickly learn the villain’s identity. With a known villain, the shadow story can be visible on the page in parallel with the “onscreen” story. Multiple points of view can include the villain’s. That’s how I write my thriller series, with POVs alternating among several characters.

  1. Track your shadow character with a baby cam or your phone. An imaginary baby cam keeps a constant watch on your villain. The locator dot on the phone screen blinks along the street map to follow the villain’s movements.
  2. Think of two TVs side by side. One is showing the hero’s channel. The other plays the villain’s channel. The timeframe is the same, but the locations are different. Flip back and forth between them.

    Photo credit: Annette Dawm, Pexels

4. Use a calendar or appointment book. Log the day, time, and location for each character in each scene.

Screenshot

In time-critical scenes, like a bomb ticking, you may need to detail the action minute by minute, or even second by second.

5. Use index cards or sticky notes in different colors (blue for hero, yellow for villain, green for secondary characters, etc.). Write a short summary of each scene (time, place, characters present, what happens) on the appropriate color card or sticky.

Another alternative is a white board using different color markers.

When the draft is complete, lay the cards out on a table. Kay DiBianca puts her stickies on closet doors in her office.

Study the color pattern. This visual review points out potential problems. Are there too many scenes in a row in one color? Do you need to rearrange the order to improve pacing or balance the characters?

Are there missing scenes? Or scenes that could be cut without hurting the story’s forward momentum?

 

Our creative brains all work differently. To keep track of multiple characters and story lines, some writers prefer programs like Scrivener (which Jim Bell uses), Memory Map, Wave Maker, and Fantasy Calendar.

I’m more visual and tactile-oriented so it’s easier for me to stay organized with physical appointment books, calendars, and index cards.

The method doesn’t matter as long as the author always stays aware of what the antagonist is doing in the shadow story.

Because that’s the wellspring of your story’s conflict.

~~~

TKZers: How do you monitor characters in the shadows? Do you use time-tracking programs? Low tech tools like calendars and index cards? Or another method? Comments welcome below.

~~~

Today’s post is based on The Villain’s Journey-How to Create Villains Readers Love to Hate.

“Debbie Burke has filled a critical gap in writing craft instruction. We needed a book of solid advice for creating compelling, three-dimensional villains. This is it.” – James Scott Bell

Amazon

Barnes & Noble

Apple 

Reading and Hearing

OpenStax, CC BY 4.0 <https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0>, via Wikimedia Commons

by Debbie Burke

We often talk here at TKZ about the importance of reading throughout life.

Reading to young children is well recognized to benefit their early brain development.

Reading instructs us through school. It guides us in our daily lives and careers.

Reading keeps the mind sharp as we age.

I just learned a new reason why reading is important: for hearing.

My good friend Dr. Betty Kuffel is my favorite source for medical knowledge. Her husband has profound hearing loss and hearing aids aren’t helping. He will soon have a surgery for a cochlear implant. Betty described the procedure:

An array of electrodes within a thin wire is threaded through a hole drilled through the outer skull and into the cochlea behind and above the ear. The tiny wire follows inner contours of the cochlea with anatomy resembling a snail shell. It bypasses the damaged area reaching the hearing nerve that carries impulses to the brain. Then the surgeon buzzes out a shallow crater of bone for placement of the magnetized device with a microchip in it. Once secured, the scalp is sutured and after a couple of weeks of healing the device is activated. An external rechargeable sound processor with two microphones is worn behind the ear like a typical hearing aid that connects magnetically to the implant. Amazing technology.

BruceBlaus, CC BY-SA 4.0 <https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/4.0>, via Wikimedia Commons

However, the implant isn’t plug and play. The brain has to be retrained to use the device. Instead of the normal neural pathways between the ear (which hears sounds) and the brain (which interprets the meaning and appropriate reaction to those sounds), this rewiring makes new connections.

Here’s the interesting part Betty added:

The training consists of reading aloud as the primary trainer. You see the print, read and the brain processes the visual + verbal input.

In this article, audiologist Grace Sturdivant of the University of Mississippi Medical Center explains two crucial connections between hearing and the brain:

One is called Cross-modal Plasticity. Don’t let that term bog you down – it means that when the area of your brain which is purposed for processing sound (the auditory cortex) is not being stimulated adequately (i.e., when hearing loss is present), a well-functioning system like vision will begin to recruit that area to process its own input.

…the second brain change I’ll discuss is Cortical Resource Reallocation. Even in these mild, sloping hearing loss cases, auditory cortex activity is decreased and frontal lobe activity is increased on listening tasks…The frontal and pre-frontal areas are critical for working memory and executive function. When hearing loss is present and you are straining to hearing and understand someone in a challenging environment, your frontal lobe is loaded down with trying to understand what someone is saying in that moment. We call this “effortful listening.” This leaves less ability for that frontal lobe to help you remember what someone was saying after you walk away from the conversation.

In other words, over time as the ear no longer functions as it’s supposed to, the brain also loses those neural transmission pathways.

Sturdivant expands on the health effects:

…People with severe, untreated hearing loss are five times more likely to develop dementia…adults with untreated hearing loss develop cognitive decline 3.2 years sooner than people with normal hearing; or than people with dementia and severe untreated hearing loss have rates of cognitive decline 30-40% faster than dementia patients with normal hearing.

According to this article from Johns Hopkins Medicine:

Getting used to the cochlear implant takes a while. Eventually, the sound quality will change as the brain learns the stimulation patterns that the device provides. Most patients notice improving sound quality during the first three to 12 months.

This article from Alber Hearing Services outlines some steps in auditory rehabilitation:

Listening to these everyday noises and naming them out loud helps your brain connect the new signals from your implant to what they actually are. Watching TV with captions turned on or following along with lyrics while listening to music can also build stronger connections between sound and meaning.

More rehab techniques from Cochlear Implant Help:

Reading and listening to a fully abridged audio book helps the brain to make the connection between the words heard and words seen. By listening and looking at the words the connection can be made. To make this exercise more challenging, remove the visual and focus on the auditory input. This helps build one’s ability to understand what is being stated.

With sound and visual print correlation, the brain adjusts and soon words are clear and
meaningful. Each person is different but over 80% hearing restoration can be accomplished.

However, the National Institutes of Health reports 29-42% of people with implants express some level of regret.

Of course I’m wishing Betty’s husband an excellent outcome with improved function and no regrets.

I have some hearing loss, but the body adapts in amazing ways. Without being conscious of it, I’ve developed a little skill in lip reading.

Also, for about a year, I’ve been turning on closed captioning for TV and online videos. Will this combination of simultaneously reading and listening help keep my brain working? I don’t know.

But I figure it’s worth a try. Can’t hurt, might help.

~~~

TKZers: Do you think reading helps your hearing? Do you read visually (print books or ebooks)? Do you listen to audiobooks? Or both?

True Crime Thursday – Case of Missing Cemetery Records Solved…Sort Of

 

by Debbie Burke

Last October, I wrote about a strange case in my hometown of Kalispell, Montana. Burial records of the historic Conrad Cemetery went missing.

For decades, Jim Korn, now 92, had been the sextant, caretaker, and groundskeeper for the historic cemetery and lived in a cottage on the property. He kept meticulous handwritten records, all stored in the cottage.

Documentation was almost entirely physical: thick volumes, index cards, and boxes of paper records. They included information about who was buried where, sale deed records of sites, and which sites were still available for purchase. Jim was trusted, respected, and beloved by many in the community.

Last year, when Jim began having medical problems, the cemetery board hired his son Kevin to help until a replacement could be found. Kevin was also supposed to help computerize the paper records.

Problems arose, causing the board to question operations.

Then last June, Jim and Kevin disappeared, along with volumes of burial records and several computers. The missing documents included the original deed book from 1903 when Alicia Conrad established the 104-acre site as burial grounds.

For six months, the cemetery couldn’t conduct normal business. Missing deeds for gravesites left families unable to bury loved ones. The cemetery association filed criminal and civil charges against Jim and Kevin Korn for theft and loss of revenue.

Further, the community was concerned about the unexplained disappearance of an elderly man in poor health.

At the time of my post last October, there were no leads.

New information surfaced in November, thanks to a concerned granddaughter and an old friend of Jim’s.

Michaela Preece is Jim Korn’s granddaughter and Kevin’s daughter. She lives outside Salt Lake City but spent much of her youth in Kalispell. Growing up, she had a close relationship with her grandfather.

She knew of Jim’s medical problems and that he came to Salt Lake from time to time for treatment. According to a November 30, 2025 article in the Daily Inter Lake newspaper, Michaela said:

“Knowing that he was sick, I’ve been trying to keep in touch with him every week or so, but depending on when I could get a hold of him, I kind of never knew where (Kevin and Jim) were.”

From the same article:

“Grandpa admitted to me that sometimes they sleep in rest stops or parking lots,” she said. “I had no idea about anything going on in Kalispell.”

Since then, the two bounced between staying with family in Boise, Idaho and Utah for medical visits. Jim’s long stints away from Kalispell concerned Preece.

“My grandpa’s not that way. He didn’t go on long trips and different things like that. He just didn’t,” she said.

When she learned Jim and Kevin had been accused of stealing cemetery property, she became alarmed, saying, “I just knew that I needed to do what I could to help my grandpa by trying to get the cemetery’s property returned. I just want what’s best for my grandpa.”

Michaela contacted family members, trying to determine their whereabouts. That led her to a distant relative in Libby, Montana. She learned Jim and Kevin had visited there in July 2025.

She asked whether the two had left anything at their house.

“They answered in the affirmative and told me I could come get anything at any time,” Preece said.

Meanwhile, a longtime friend of Jim’s named Travis Bruyer was also concerned for the elderly man. Travis is a Kalispell private investigator and retired deputy sheriff who does consulting work for TV and films. Travis explained: “Everyone I ever loved and have buried is in [Conrad Cemetery]. It was just important to be involved.”

Travis found Jim and Kevin at a residence in Boise, Idaho, and attempted to speak with Jim but was denied entrance. He asked Boise police to conduct a welfare check. They reported the Korns were safe.

That still didn’t answer many worrisome questions.

Acting on Michaela’s detective work, on October 20, Travis and the cemetery’s new sextant Jeff Epperly picked up the missing records from the relative’s home in Libby. Epperly stated: “[The documents] filled in the entire back end of an SUV, all the way up to the top.”

Deer graze at future gravesites at Conrad Cemetery, Kalispell, Montana

Conrad Cemetery is now able to conduct business and assist families with burials. Epperly is currently digitizing paper records, but the massive amount of information will take time to convert.

With the records returned, the cemetery board dropped the criminal complaint. However, the cemetery went six months without revenue, causing financial loss. The civil case against the Korns is still pending.

From the Inter Lake article:

When asked why the Korns did what they did, [cemetery board member Jeff] Ellingson said it may have been a reaction to feeling wronged by the cemetery for initiating a succession plan. He referred to written notes left behind among the records that indicated Jim’s outlook on the cemetery had soured.

“I think [Jim] actually thought he was protecting the cemetery by taking the records,” Epperly said. “We’re left to speculate until we’re able to talk it through with him.”

Preece suspected that her father was the driving force behind stealing the documents.

“Having grown up and known Kevin, him being denied that job. I think the ransacking of the office was basically a tantrum,” she said.  

The return of the records solved part of the case, but two questions remain:

  1. Why were they stolen?
  2. Is Jim Korn all right?

 

Self-Editing Pop Quiz Redux

I just looked back at the first post I wrote for The Kill Zone in 2015.

2015??? How can that be???

My debut here came about because one of TKZ’s founding mothers, Kathryn Lilley, invited me to write a guest post about self-editing based on a workshop I presented at a conference.

For years, TKZ had been my favorite writing blog so I was thrilled by the chance but also nervous. At that point, none of my books had been published yet. Every contributor here had waaaaaay more experience and accomplishments than I did. But I’d edited a number of books and knew a little something about that topic. So that’s what I wrote about.

Today I’m dusting off that early post to see if editing has changed in the past decade.

Self-Editing Pop Quiz

This morning, let’s imagine we’re back in school and the teacher announces a pop quiz to test your self-editing skills. Did you do your homework?

1. Scan your WIP and highlight every form of the verb “to be.” How many times per page did you use:
is ​

are​

am ​

was/were​

had been

Tally your score: 

Fewer than 5 per page:​ Excellent

Between 5 and 10 per page: ​Very good, but could use more active verbs

More than 20 per page: ​Work on how to “de-was” with strong, active, specific verbs.

Many years ago, I took a workshop from the late, great Montana mystery author James Crumley. He shared with me how to “de-was” and I’ve never forgotten. This single skill goes a long way to transform your writing into active, muscular prose.

2026 note – De-was-ing still works. Grammar/editing software suggests ways to rewrite in active voice. 

2. Read the first few paragraphs of each new scene or chapter. Can a reader quickly determine:

WHO is present?

WHERE they are?

WHEN is the scene taking place?

If you can answer these questions, you’ve done a good job of orienting your reader immediately in the story world. Give yourself a point each time you effectively set the scene.

2026 note: Yup, this still applies. 

3. Do a global search for what I call “junk” words that add little information and dilute the power of your prose. Score a point every time you delete one of the below “junk” or “stammer” words.

There is (was)

​​it is (was)​

that

​just​

very ​

nearly​

quite​

rather​

sort of

turned to​

started to​

began to​

commenced to

Editor Jessi Rita Hoffman calls the last four examples “stammer verbs” that weaken the verb that follows, i.e. Barbara began to race to escape the zombie.

Stronger version: Barbara raced to escape the zombie.

Stammer verb exception: when an action is interrupted or changed, i.e. Robert started to run, but tripped over the corpse.

2026 note: still applies. 

4. How many of your characters’ names start with the same letter?

Deduct a point if you’ve christened more than two characters with the same first letter, i.e. Michael, Mallory, Millie, Moscowitz, Melendez.

Deduct a point for rhyming or similar-sounding names: Billy, Lily, Julie.

Extra credit: if none of your characters’ names ends with “S,” give yourself a point for avoiding the unnecessary complication of figuring out whether it should be “Miles’s machine gun,” or “Miles’ machine gun.”

2026 note: still applies. 

5. Do you exploit all five senses? Writers most often use sight and hearing, and ignore the other senses that can add texture and richness to the reader’s immersion in the story world.

Give yourself a point each time you employ one of the under-used senses of taste, touch, and smell.

Extra credit: for dramatic effect, deprive your characters of normal sensory input, i.e.

A blindfolded kidnap victim who cannot see where captors are taking her.

An explosion-deafened soldier who cannot hear the enemy stalking him.

2026 note: sensory detail still immerses readers in the story world. 

6. The English language constantly challenges even experienced authors. In the eyes of editors and agents, improper usage of common words marks a writer as an amateur. Choose the correct word for each of the following:

(a) It’s [or] its a beautiful day in the neighborhood.

(b) The bear retreated to its [or] it’s den as winter closed in.

(c) Hurricane Katrina effected [or] affected every home in New Orleans.

(d) The affect [or] effect of Hurricane Katrina continued long after the rains ended.

(e) After the lobotomy, McMurphy possessed a flat affect [or] effect.

(f) The farther [or] further the boat drifted from the shore, the harder Joe paddled.

(g) The further [or] farther you pursue this tangent, the more you lose credibility.

(h) The magician made an allusion [or] illusion to Houdini’s famous “vanishing elephant”illusion [or] allusion.

(i) Robert implied [or] inferred that Janet was a tramp.

(j) Since Janet had been convicted of prostitution, Robert inferred [or] implied she was a tramp.

(k) The witness that [or] who saw the assault ran away.

(l) Winston tastes good like [or] as a cigarette should. (Trick question for those of a certain age.)

Answers at the end. Score 1 for each correct answer.

The Elements of Style by Strunk and White is my go-to reference whenever I’m not sure of correct word usage. I find answers to 98% of my questions in Strunk and White.

2026 note: Word (and other writing programs) now do a better job of catching and flagging these misuses. 

7. Scan an entire chapter. How many times is the first word of a new paragraph the name of your character or a pronoun referring to that character (he or she)?

8+ out of 10 times – Normal for the first draft, but try varying sentence structure to begin paragraphs in different ways.

5 out of 10 times​​ – Better, but still needs work.

2 out of 10 times​ – ​You display good variability in paragraph structure.

2026 note: some writing software flags this problem, as well as makes suggestions how to vary sentence structure. 

8. Point of View—do you stay consistently in the same character’s head for the entire scene? Do you switch point of view only when a scene changes or when a new chapter begins?

How many POV changes can you find in the following passage?

Silky sheets caressed Teresa’s naked skin, as her heartbeat quickened. She watched Zack, framed in the doorway, as he unbuttoned his shirt. Secret fantasies he’d harbored for months were about to come true. Teresa’s heavy-lidded eyes promised a welcome worth waiting for. She quivered inside with trepidation. Would he be disappointed or thrilled? With a sweep of his sinewy arm, Zack whipped back the sheet, stunned to discover Teresa was really Terrance.

Answer: Four. The paragraph starts in Teresa’ POV because she feels the sheets and her heartbeat. Then POV switches to Zack and his secret fantasies, which she might guess, but can’t know about since they’re inside his head. Then back to Teresa, quivering inside. Then back to Zack being stunned.

If you struggle with POV, lock yourself inside the head and body of the POV character. Everything that goes on in that scene must be within the eyesight, earshot, or touch of that character. That means the character might be able to look at his own feet, but he can’t see the broccoli stuck in his teeth. Only another character can do that…and I certainly hope she tells him about it soon!

2026 note: a consistent POV is still important to avoid confusing readers. 

9. Is the action described in chronological order? Does cause lead to effect? Does action trigger reaction? Is the choreography clear to the reader? Who is where doing what to whom?

If you understand the last sentence, give yourself 10 points and deduct 10 points from my score!

How would you rewrite the following confusing sentence?

George slashed Roger’s throat with the knife as he grabbed him from behind after he sneaked into the warehouse.

How about: ​Knife in hand, George sneaked into the warehouse, grabbed Roger from behind, and slashed his throat.

Just as messy, but much clearer to the reader because events unfold in the order they happened.

2026 note: writing events in clear, logical order is still important. I don’t know how well editing software addresses this problem because I do it myself. 

10. Do you read your work out loud? If so, give yourself an automatic 10 points.

When you read out loud, you catch repeated or missing words, awkward phrasing, and sentences that are too long. “Glide” is the term used by author/editor Jim Thomsen to describe smooth, effortless, clear writing. Glide is like riding in a chauffeur-driven Rolls Royce as opposed to bucking and shuddering in a 1973 Pinto with bad spark plugs and a flat tire.

For extra credit, have someone else read your work out loud. If he or she can read without stumbling, you’ve achieved glide. Award yourself 25 bonus points.

2026 note: reading aloud still works but now many programs read to you. That saves a sore throat. 

Answers to 6 (a) it’s, (b) its, (c) affected, (d) effect, (e) affect, (f) farther, (g) further, (h) allusion, illusion, (i) implied, (j) inferred, (k) who, (l) Despite the catchy slogan from the 1950s, correct use would be as. Back then, liquor couldn’t advertise on TV, but cigarettes could. Now liquor ads are common, but few people even remember commercials for cigarettes. How times change!

How did you do? Tell us in the Comments! 

Fewer errors equal less distractions and a more engaged reader. A more engaged reader equals more sales.

And that equals an A+.

~~~

Revisiting this early post, the same principles apply. The main difference between then and now is that more editing software programs are available to alert the writer to potential problems.

~~~

TKZers: how did you do on the quiz? Please answer in the comments.

Extra credit if you caught my error in the original. In 2015, an alert reader busted me. 

Do you use editing software? Which ones do you prefer? 

~~~

On March 5, I’m teaching a zoom webinar entitled “It’s 10 p.m. Do You Know Where Your Villain Is.” Click this link for more information. 

That topic began as a TKZ post and grew into my book, The Villain’s Journey-How to Create Villains Readers Love to Hate. Sales link