About Elaine Viets

Elaine Viets has written 30 mysteries in four series, including 15 Dead-End Job mysteries. BRAIN STORM, her first Angela Richman, Death Investigator mystery, is published as a trade paperback, e-book, and audio book. www.elaineviets.com

Finding the Right Words

By Elaine Viets

Like most writers, I love words. I like to read about them, learn new ones, find old ones. I enjoy puns and wordplay. Naturally, I depend on my dictionaries. But did you know these websites are crammed with extra information?

These days, dictionaries are much more than spelling and definitions.

Here are two of my favorite online sites.

Merriam-Webster dictionary. https://www.merriam-webster.com/

This site usually has a topical essay about words.

After the untimely death of Catherine O’Hara, who left her mark on movies such as  Home Alone and TV’s Schitt’s Creek, Merriam-Webster had an essay on 16 words from Schitt’s Creek. The Canadian sitcom is about “the Roses, a rich family that loses its wealth and must temporarily move into a motel in a small town with the cheeky name of Schitt’s Creek,” Webster said. “By metrics of awards and international viewership, Schitt’s Creek became Canada’s most successful television series. Among the series’ memorable characters is Moira Rose, played by the late Catherine O’Hara, whose diction is, shall we say, a bit eccentric.”

One of the best words Moira used is bombilate, which means, “to buzz or drone.”

“The room is suddenly bombilating with anticipation,” Moira said.

Too bad her wonky usage of bombilate isn’t popular enough to make Webster’s. Other Moira words include Balaton, confabulate and dangersome.

I have problems sorting out affect and effect. I can’t keep those words straight. Or is it strait? Webster has this helpful article: “Affect vs. Effect and how to pick the right one.”

“The basic difference is this: affect is usually a verb, and effect is usually a noun,” Webster said. Much more useful than what my teachers told me: “An affect has an effect.” Huh?

Webster delves into the proper use of em-dashes, en-dashes and hyphens and has a list of top word look-ups. Here’s one: Chargoggagoggmanchauggagoggchaubunagungamaugg.  That’s a lake, and it’s in the US, not Wales. The lake has the longest place name in our country. There are various stories about the name’s origin, but one says the name is Native American and commemorates an 18th-century fishing treaty. It’s jokingly translated as: “You fish on your side, I fish on my side, and nobody fishes in the middle.” The lake is in Webster, Mass., and many just call it Lake Webster.

Webster (the dictionary) has a helpful section on slang and trending words.

Know what a fridge cigarette is? “A cold, refreshing and addictive soft drink.” Gruzz is an older person. (I hope that one doesn’t catch on.) An almond mom is “a mother who pushes her daughter to be skinny, through diet.” Note that the term refers to daughters, not sons, enforcing expectations that women have to be thin. Bed rotting mean staying in bed all day. Zaddy is an attractive older man. There are more, lots more slang words Webster is watching. They’re fun to explore.

Webster also features words with tricky pronunciations, including ragout.  Don’t embarrass yourself by calling that meaty stew rag-out. It’s ra-GOO.

Oxford English Dictionary. Oxford English Dictionary

My publisher, Severn House in London, uses the Oxford English Dictionary, or OED. It’s a little more staid that its American cousin, Merriam-Webster, but I love the research for its Word Stories.

Here’s part of the story of glamor. Excuse me, glamour.

“The schoolroom, verb tables, and Latin class seem about as far removed from our current notion of glamour as it’s possible to get,” the OED said. But grammar and glamour  “were originally the same word.”

Dull, dusty grammar “first came into English from French with the meaning ‘learning or scholarship concerning a language’, and particularly, ‘a book which contains this knowledge’. The word soon extended to the principles of any kind of learning, and to books setting out such principles.”

Grammar took a turn into the occult, and words related to grammar began to refer to “knowledge of or expertise in magic and astrology, or to manuals for invoking demons and performing general sorcery.” These words included “gramarye and grimoire . . . and, finally, glamour.

“Since glamour entered the language it’s taken on quite the life of its own.” It’s given us “glamour puss, (a glamorous or attractive person), glamazon, (a tall, glamorous, and powerful woman), and glampsite, (a campsite for glamping – the more luxurious way to camp).”

You can subscribe to the OED, but if you can’t afford a hundred bucks, you can still look up words for free, and enjoy word lists, world English, and the history of English.

Wordsmith Tom Stoppard wrote, “I don’t think writers are sacred, but words are. They deserve respect. If you get the right ones in the right order, you might nudge the world a little or make a poem that children will speak for you when you are dead.”

International sale: Two Dead-End Job mysteries, “Dying to Call You” and “Pumped for Murder” are $1.99 today at bookshop.org, Barnes & Noble, Google, Kobo, Apple and Amazon in the US and Great Britain.

What a Difference a Word Makes

By Elaine Viets

When I taught English as a second language, one of my favorite students was a young man I’ll call Sam. Sam was 18, from South Korea. Smart and hard-working, Sam was brushing up on his English that summer before he went to college in the US. Sam had applied to several universities, many of them distinctly second-rate.

“Why didn’t you apply to any Ivy League schools?” I asked.

“Oh,” he said. “I couldn’t get in. I spent my senior year in high school screwing.”

“What??” Sam didn’t talk like that. “What do you mean?”

“I didn’t work hard and I got bad grades.”

“That means you spent your senior year screwing AROUND,” I  said, and gave him a quick course in American idioms.

I hope my students learned from me, but I definitely learned from them. English is a complex, expressive and extremely difficult language, fraught with pitfalls.  Consider the South American banker who told me, “My wife and I fled our country naked.”

“Naked?” I asked. “You weren’t wearing clothes?”

“Of course we were,” he said. “But we couldn’t take anything with us.”

Turned out he was using an idiom from his country. “Right. In the US, we’d say, ‘You left with nothing but the clothes on your backs.’”

In the words of Bill Bryson, “Any language where the unassuming word fly signifies an annoying insect, a means of travel and a critical part of a gentleman’s apparel is clearly asking to be mangled.” (If you haven’t read Bryson’s Mother Tongue, you’re missing a linguistic treat.)

Teaching articles, those pesky three words, “a,” “an” and “the,” is another misery. Try explaining that these two sentences mean basically the same thing:

There is little traffic at 4 a.m.

There is a little traffic at 4 a.m.

And don’t forget regionalisms (why is a carbonated drink “pop” in parts of the country and “soda” in others?), and accents.

A Japanese businessman said he was worried about going to South Carolina. He told me, “I can’t understand what the people there are saying.”

“That’s OK,” I told him. “None of us can.”

But before you get too smug, native speakers, tell me which of these ten words is misspelled:

mahagony

embarassed

sherriff

fourty-four

supercede

graffitti

rhythum

syrep

abdomenal

concensus

 

Answer: They all are.

Now in paperback: Sex and Death on the Beach, my new Florida beach mystery, is now in paperback. Check out it out here. https://tinyurl.com/3ut3chuu

 

Holiday Gifts for Writers

By Elaine Viets

          Wondering what to get your favorite writer for the holidays? (Psst. It’s OK to include yourself.)  I’ve put together this list when I was supposed to be writing. As of this writing, all of these items could be delivered in time for Christmas.

Writers’ Tears Copper Pot Whiskey

Some writers get maudlin after a few too many. Writers’ Tears seems to honor that tradition. Walsh Whiskey’s website says that “19th and early 20th century Ireland was a golden era both for Irish whiskey and, perhaps coincidentally, for great Irish novelists, poets and playwrights.” It kinda-sorta says if you are knocking back Writers’ Tears, you may join the ranks of Irish literary giants from George Bernard Shaw to Bram Stoker. Writers’ Tears also “been to Ian Buxton’s publication 101 Whiskeys to try before you die.

For pricing and more information, go to https://tinyurl.com/bd58e7ua

 

A Writer’s T-shirt that says,I am a writer – anything you say or do may be used in a story.”

One holiday, my Aunt Betty announced at dinner, “This meal is off the record.”

I promised Betty nothing said at that meal would wind up in a book or blog. This shirt is fair warning for friends and family. It’s  $10.19 at Etsy, and has options for writers, bookworms and journalists.  https://tinyurl.com/mut3y4hh

PS: I wear a women’s large in the V-neck style.

Fahrney’s Pens

Some people can happily spend the day wandering around a hardware store. I feel the same way about pen stores. When I got my first real, live contract with a publisher, I bought a Mont Blanc to sign the contract. Now most publishing contracts are signed electronically, but I still love pens. I’ve been eyeing this Smithsonian dinosaur fossil rollerball pen for $53.60.  https://tinyurl.com/3n7kd7b8

 Leather bound notebook

Your favorite writer can plot their bestseller in a leather-bound notebook. Jenni Bick has a collection starting at $11 This Savona Italian leather notebook is $25.60 https://tinyurl.com/4dm9v752. You’ll also find good deals for leather notebooks on Etsy.

 Writing a mystery is a complicated puzzle

That may be why many writers enjoy jigsaw puzzles.  Here’s a 500-piece Murdle in The Mystery Mansion puzzle at Strand Books for $19.95.

https://www.strandbooks.com/puzzle-murdle-in-the-mystery-mansion-500-piece-jigsaw-puzzle-9781797235691.html

 Get holiday felines with this 500-piece puzzle

Happy Hanukcats by Galison

It’s $14.53 at Thriftbooks. https://tinyurl.com/252um7b6

 

 Get the holiday felines with this 500-piece puzzle

Writer Fuel

For the coffee lover

A ground coffee tasting kit. The 9 coffee flavors include Amaretto, breakfast blend, Irish Cream, French Vanilla and hazelnut. Amazon. $23.99 https://tinyurl.com/3swjavpy

For the hot chocolate drinker

A disco ball hot chocolate cocoa bomb with star-shaped marshmallows.

From Target. $4 each. https://tinyurl.com/4zujrb28

For the tea drinker

A tea sampler from the Republic of Tea.

Tea drinkers can try 7 different flavors including Hydration Watermelon and Hydration Blueberry Lime. $11. https://www.republicoftea.com/single-sips-sampler/p/v20473/

More quick gift ideas

Donate to a favorite charity in your friend’s name.

Give a gift basket.

Give a meal service.

Give free babysitting.

Give a gift card.

This is my last blog of 2025. Happy holidays, however you celebrate.

Enjoy my new Florida Beach mystery, “Sex and Death on the Beach.” https://tinyurl.com/492ffwa8

New Words, New Worlds

By Elaine Viets

 New words are multiplying faster than mosquitoes in a Michigan summer. I mean “official” new words. The ones enshrined in a dictionary.

New words are a sign that English is a living, active language. This year, the Merriam Webster Collegiate dictionary added some 5,000 new words and a thousand new phrases.

Some of us are already using these new words. Take “farm-to-table,” which Webster says means food that is “sourced locally and served directly to customers. Old news.

Here are a few other new words and phrases I’m pretty sure you already know:

“Cold brew” is coffee “made by steeping grounds in cold or room temperature water.” That phrase has been around for so long, Starbucks has about nine different cold brew flavors.

“Hard pass,” means not just no, but hell no. Excuse me, it’s a “firm rejection.”

Here’s one new word I’m not familiar with: “petrichor,” which is a “distinctive, earthy, usually pleasant odor that is associated with rainfall especially when following a warm, dry period . . .” I didn’t realize there was a word to describe that smell.

The Oxford English Dictionary has added another definition of the noun  “goo”: “characteristic babbling noises or vocalizations made by babies and by people interacting with them.” The OED reminded us to check out “goo-goo,” which has a similar definition for baby noises.

“Para-athlete, a physically disabled athlete,” is another already familiar OED addition.

And every TKZ reader and writer knows about the dreaded phrase “plot hole.”

The OED likes to add foreign words familiar to many English speakers, including “pobrecita.” The OED says, “Among Hispanic Americans and in Spanish or Latin American contexts” it’s “a poor or unfortunate girl or woman, especially one who deserves pity or sympathy…”

“Perreo” is defined as “a type of dance originating and popular in Puerto Rico and usually performed to reggaeton music, typically characterized by a female dancer  . . .” I’ll stop there. The rest of the entry is a bit spicy, especially for the venerable OED.

The most puzzling word of the year is Dictionary.com’s choice of “67” or “6-7.”

That word has been driving teachers crazy. When they tell their class to “turn to page 67,” or ask students to recite numbers one through ten, “six-seven” can cause pandemonium.

Avoiding ’67’ can be a mark of respect. TKZ reader Alan Portman said, “I was at a class last week. The instructor stopped saying 6 or 7 things and started saying 8. There were several middle school teachers in the room.”

What’s it mean?

Dictionary.com, which nominated “67,” isn’t sure.

“Perhaps the most defining feature of ‘67’ is that it’s impossible to define,” the site said. “It’s meaningless, ubiquitous, and nonsensical. In other words, it has all the hallmarks of brainrot. It’s the logical endpoint of being perpetually online, scrolling endlessly, consuming content fed to users by algorithms trained by other algorithms. And what are we left with in the wake of this relentless sensory overload? ‘67.’”

Don’t underate the power of “67.”

“ . . .it remains meaningful to the people who use it because of the connection it fosters. ‘67’ shows the speed at which a new word can rocket around the world as a rising generation enters the global conversation.”

Six-seven (never sixty-seven) belongs to Gen Alpha, mostly children born from 2010 to the present, though I doubt many babies care about 6-7.

SlangSphere.com gave an erudite explanation. It said, “Simply put, ‘67’ is a slang term that means ‘kill,’ or more broadly, to get rid of, drop, or even ‘leave’ something or someone. . . If someone tells you to ‘67 that plan,’ they mean scrap it.”

The article also has helpful hints on how to use 67:

“Do: Use it with close friends or in casual texting where informal slang is welcome.

“Do: Keep it light and playful—this is slang, not a serious threat.

“Don’t: Use it in professional or formal settings—your boss might get confused (or alarmed).

“Don’t: Use it toward strangers or in sensitive contexts—tone can get lost.

“Do: Use 67 when you want to sound casual and meme-savvy.

“Don’t: Panic if someone says ‘67’ to you. It’s slang, not actual harm.

“Do: Pair it with an emoji to soften the tone, like 😂 or 👋.

“Don’t: Use it to seriously insult someone.

“Do: Remember context is king—know who you’re talking to!

“So, next time you want to digitally ‘kill’ a dull plan or leave a chat dramatically, ‘67’ is your shorthand hero. It’s quirky, a little mysterious, and definitely meme-worthy.”

It’s mysterious, all right. So mysterious, I still can’t figure out if 67 means to kill something, or if it means nothing.

Is it a word with clearly defined rules of etiquette? Or is it a feeling?

67.

 

Preorder now: “Sex and Death on the Beach,” my new Florida mystery, will be published in paperback Dec. 16. https://tinyurl.com/mrc87fm7

The Fine Art of Editing

Dear Readers,
Recently I broke two ribs, and I’m in a bit of a fog. I’ve reposted a favorite blog about editing. I still write for the same publisher, Severn House, and I’ve learned so much from their editors. — Elaine 

 

By Elaine Viets

Here’s one reason why I like my London publisher, Severn House: Editing.
Like most writers, I try to turn in clean copy. I’m also an editor myself. So I appreciate the masterful way Severn House edited my Angela Richman mystery, Late for His Own Funeral. The editors took care to fine-tune the sentences with small but significant changes.
Take a look at these. The way I wrote the selection is first. The edited version is second.
(1) In this first example, Angela is recalling her friend’s doomed marriage. The change helps set the scene.
Elaine: Back then, Sterling had seemed awed by Camilla’s cool elegance, and she fell in love with his humor and energy.
Severn House: When they first met, Sterling had seemed awed by Camilla’s cool elegance, and she fell in love with his humor and energy.

(2) Elaine: I walked over to him and looked right into his red eyes. We were both the same height.
Severn House: I walked over to him and looked right into his red eyes. We were the same height.
This change gets rid of a redundancy. If Angela could look the man in the eyes, then they were the same height. I didn’t need that “both.”

(3) Elaine: The cut on her forehead had been stitched. She’d have a heck of a bruise there tomorrow.
Severn House: The cut on her forehead had been stitched. She’d have a heck of a bruise there.
I didn’t need that “tomorrow.”

(4) This change makes the sentence sing.
Elaine: The child wore a pink polka-dot T-shirt and jeans, and had pink ribbons in her hair.
My editor rearranged it as:
Severn House: The child wore jeans and a pink polka-dot T-shirt, and had pink ribbons in her hair.
(5) Here’s a shorter way of saying the same thing:
Elaine: We were at my car now.
Severn House: We reached my car.

(6) Elaine: I fired up my iPad and opened up the Death Scene Investigation form.

Severn House: I fired up my iPad and opened the Death Scene Investigation form.
No need for that second “up.”
(7) Another unnecessary phrase bites the dust:
Elaine: “It’s going to be rough for a bit,” I said. “But you’ll get through it. I promise. You have a real advantage – one of the best lawyers in the Midwest.”
With that, Mrs. Ellis entered the room carrying a tray. “I’ve brought you some food, Camilla dear.”
Severn House: “It’s going to be rough for a bit,” I said. “But you’ll get through it. I promise. You have a real advantage – one of the best lawyers in the Midwest.”
Mrs. Ellis entered the room carrying a tray. “I’ve brought you some food, Camilla dear.”

(8) This small change makes for a cleaner sentence.
Elaine: I was on duty at midnight tonight, so I packed a small overnight bag with my DI uniform and added my office cell phone charger.
Severn House: I was on duty at midnight, so I packed a small overnight bag with my DI uniform and added my office cell phone charger.

(9) Elaine: Millie watched fascinated while the server mixed the ingredients together in a large glass bowl, then added the dressing and tossed the salad.
Severn House: Millie watched fascinated while the server mixed the ingredients in a large glass bowl, then added the dressing and tossed the salad.
If the ingredients were mixed in a bowl, naturally they’d be “together.”

(10) Here’s another two-letter change:
Elaine: Linda’s apartment, 615, was in the middle of the hall. I could hear the TV on and hoped Linda was home.
No need for that “on.” If I could hear the TV, it was definitely on.
(11) One last one-word change.
Elaine: I went home to my place, feeling discouraged. Chris and I didn’t have a fight. I just wanted to be alone tonight.
Severn House: I went home to my place, feeling discouraged. Chris and I didn’t have a fight. I just wanted to be alone

Most of these changes were small and subtle. Also, I don’t have to accept any that I don’t like. Some got lost in translation when they crossed the Atlantic. Like this one:
Angela says: “I was a bridesmaid in her wedding ten years ago, and we marched down the same aisle now blocked by her husband’s casket.”
The copyeditor had changed it to: “I was a bridesmaid ‘at’ her wedding.” I had to explain that if you’re “at a wedding” you’re attending it, while if you’re “in a wedding,” you’re an attendant.
Sometimes we truly are two countries divided by a common language.

************************************************************************

Preorder now! Sex and Death on the Beach will be out in paperback this December. https://tinyurl.com/r5z89jz6

Cozy Detective Tips

By Elaine Viets

You knock on your neighbor’s door, and it swings open. Funny, Melanie always locks her door. You step into the hall, and see Melanie on the living room rug, dead as a mackerel. The police say Melanie’s death was an accident. She tripped.

But you know Melanie was no klutz. You’re sure she was murdered. The suspects could be her soon-to-be-ex-husband, her new boyfriend, or her boyfriend’s wife.

How do you investigate Melanie’s death if you’re a cozy detective?

You don’t have access to local, national or law enforcement databases, AFIS fingerprint databases, and other official sources.

Many writers cozy up (sorry) to someone in law enforcement. Even that shrewd spinster, Miss Jane Marple, had Sir Henry Clithering, a retired Scotland Yard commissioner, to make sure the local cops didn’t kick her off a case. Dame Agatha’s other creation, Hercule Poirot, had Inspector James Japp.

There are other ways to get information besides befriending a cop.

Check the suspect’s official biography.

Look at verifiable facts such as the suspect’s parents’ names, marriages and divorces. Check for brothers and sisters. Crooks can make up entire fake families.

Better yet, maybe your suspect doesn’t get along with their real family, and those relatives will happily spill the tea to your cozy detective.

Check the suspect’s birthplace and birthday, education, marriages and divorces.

College and high school yearbooks may have information about the suspect’s early years, as well as some mortifying photos.

You’d be surprised how many serial killers are well educated. The Unabomber went to Harvard. At age 16, no less. The Roadside Strangler graduated from Cornell.

Amy Bishop graduated from Northeastern and was hired at the University of Alabama. When she was denied tenure and her appeals were turned down, Amy was furious. At a faculty meeting Amy shot six people and killed three. Anyone who’s sat through faculty meetings might have some sympathy for Amy.

Check the suspect’s military service.

What does it mean if your suspect served in the military?

Not a whole lot. At least 20 serial killers served in the military, from Oklahoma bomber Timothy McVeigh to David Berkowitz, the Son of Sam. Uncle Sam gave serial killer Jeffrey Dahmer an honorable discharge after two years because Dahmer’s performance was impaired due to alcoholism.

Check the suspect’s social media, including LinkedIn, Twitter and Facebook.

Dozens of killers have confessed on Facebook or Twitter. Some even livestream the murder.

Check the local police records, if they’re available.

 Not just for arrests, but for incident reports, including neighbor complaints, reports of thefts, noise, and more. Your suspect could be the complainant, witness or suspect. Never underestimate fights between neighbors. In New York, Houston and other cities, people have been shot dead over parking spots.

Check with the Better Business Bureau. If the suspect has a business, you may find out he’s a cheat and a liar.

Check with delivery people.

 Do you have a friend or a relative who’s a delivery person? FedEx, UPS,  Amazon, as well as Lyft and Uber drivers, have all kinds of useful information. They  know who gets a fifth of Scotch delivered every Thursday, and who had to go to the hospital because her boyfriend broke her arm.

In one of my novels, a pizza delivery person gave my amateur detective the information to solve a murder, thanks to the delivery person’s dashboard cam.

Last but not least

don’t forget to Google the suspect’s name.

 

“Sex and Death” on the Beach, the first book in my new Florida Beach series, is on sale at Thriftbooks.com. Save $7! https://tinyurl.com/57wkt7e5

ARGGH! Words We Love to Hate

 

By Elaine Viets

You know, some words and phrases are getting on my nerves. Most people would say it is what it is and at the end of the day, let it go. I know, right? But I’ve been doing some online research. There are certain sayings that tick people off. And readers are people, too. You don’t want to turn off your readers with annoying phrases. Just sayin’.
These outstandingly irritating phrases are garnered from various corners of the web.
Think carefully before you use them in your writing. You may want to save them for your most hateful characters.

Just sayin’. The winner! Nearly everyone hates this redundant phrase. I mean, you’ve already said what you were going to say, right?

Literally. I confess I’ve used this one and thought it was pretty clever – the first time. Then I noticed that word in every novel I picked up – literally.

It is what it is. This meaningless phrase is enough to send me screaming into the night. Please don’t use it.

At this moment in time. What’s wrong with “now”? Can this pretentious phrase.

Everything happens for a reason. Usually said after some meaningless tragedy, and meant as consolation. If you don’t have that comforting belief system, this phrase triggers an urge to slap that person silly. Also avoid this phrase: Whenever God closes a door, he opens a window. I had a roommate like that. Very annoying.

Honestly. Often a trigger word indicating the person using it is lying. Use it carefully.

My bad. A cutesy way of glossing over a mistake. This phrase says, “I know I did something offensive and I don’t care.”

I want 110 percent. Right, boss. Except your math doesn’t add up.

No worries. Some people find this phrase a little passive-aggressive. In other words, when someone says, “No worries,” they’re really telling you that you should be worried.

At the end of day. As in, “At the end of the day, getting a new CEO won’t make any difference. This company is doomed.” This crutch will cripple any sentence.

With all due respect. The warm-up to an insult. “With all due respect, even in your prime you weren’t that good.”

That’s my list, and it’s pretty good, in IMHO (oops, there’s another one.) Now’s your chance. What tired words and phrases would you like to see retired?

Now hear this! SEX AND DEATH ON THE BEACH, my new Florida Beach mystery, is now an audio book. https://tinyurl.com/9amkzaf4

The First Mystery Story

Reni, Guido; Susanna and the Elders; Glynn Vivian Art Gallery; http://www.artuk.org/artworks/susanna-and-the-elders-227206

By Elaine Viets

Sex, violence, perjury, crooked judges, blackmail – and police procedural techniques still used today. All these are in the first detective story.

So which one is it?

Some say the first detective story was Edgar Allan Poe’s “The Murders in the Rue Morgue” way back in 1841. Wilkie Collins generally gets credit for the first detective novel, “The Moonstone,” in 1868. And others claim Metta Victoria Fuller wrote the first American detective novel, “The Dead Letter,” in 1866. After that, scholars slug it out until we get to the undisputed champion, Sir Arthur Conan Doyle and his detective, Sherlock Holmes, in 1887.

But I agree with M.T. Logan that the first detective story was published several thousand years earlier. It’s the story of Susanna and the Elders. If you’re Catholic or Greek Orthodox, Susannah is in the Book of Daniel and is considered divinely inspired. For Protestants and many other religions, the story is part of the Apocrypha, the books that didn’t quite make the cut.

Detail from Susanna and Elders by Tintoretto

Susanna was a young married Jewish woman, living in Babylon. She was God-fearing and good-looking. Susanna liked to walk in her husband’s orchard, and two old pervs – excuse me, two highly respected judges – liked to watch. They fell madly in lust with her, and conspired “when they might find her alone,” as the Good Book says. The old creeps lucked out.

On a hot day, Susanna decided to take a bath in the orchard. The two old men hid themselves and watched as she told her maids, “Bring me oil, and washing balls, and shut the doors of the orchard, that I may wash me.” As soon as the maids brought the things for Susanna’s bath, they shut the doors and left. Nobody knew that the two old degenerates were lurking in the orchard.

Once the doors were shut, the horny old coots cornered Susanna, and said she’d better have sex with them, or they would lie and say “that a young man was with thee, and therefore thou didst send away thy maids.”

Susanna realized she was damned if she did and damned if she didn’t, but she’d be damned if she’d have sex with those two creeps. “It is better for me to fall into your hands without doing it, then to sin in the sight of the Lord,” she said.

Susanna and Elders by Anthony van Dyck

Susanna screamed and the old blackmailers screamed, and there was a trial. The judges testified falsely against Susanna, claiming she was with a young stud under a tree, and they’d tried to stop this terrible sin of adultery. The young man got away, but the judges caught Susanna. “The multitude believed them, as being the elders, and the judges of the people, they condemned her to death.”
This was long before #MeToo, and while adultery was a sin for both sexes, it was a bigger sin for women. The patriarchs didn’t want free-range women begetting someone’s child.
Susanna called out to God, “I have done none of these things, which these men have maliciously forged against me.”
In stepped young Daniel, who said, “I am clear of the blood of this woman.”
He lectured the crowd for condemning Susanna “without examination or knowledge of the truth.”
He then conducted his investigation the way all good modern police officers do. He separated the two judges.
He asked the first judge under what tree did he see Susanna doing the wild thing with the young hunk. The judge said, “under a mastic tree.” That tree is where chewing gum comes from.
The second judge claimed Susanna did the deed under a holm tree, a type of oak.

Holm tree

The two lying judges had convicted themselves “by their own mouth.” They were killed.
So there you have it – a detective story with a victim, two villains, and a hero who knew how to search for the truth.

Note: Today’s blog is a repeat. I’ll stop by when I can. — Elaine

Building Character

By Elaine Viets

When I started writing Sex and Death on the Beach, the first mystery in my new Florida Beach series, I wrestled with a problem I hadn’t had for some time: Creating characters.

All my mysteries have new characters, but when I’m introducing a new series, I have to create characters I can use throughout the series. This took at least five rewrites.

My main character is Norah McCarthy, who inherited a 1920s apartment house in mythical Peerless Point, Florida. Norah was orphaned as a little girl and brought up by her grandmother, a Florodora Girl. She was a showgirl.

Version 1.0.0

The residents of Norah’s building belong to an exclusive group. They must be Florida Men and Women, but the benign variety. The exploits of Florida Man often include alligators and alcohol. You’ve seen the headlines: “Florida Man Busted with Meth, Guns and Baby Gator in Truck.” The residents are her adopted family, and they will appear in future mysteries.

Bare bones characters:

Some characters will probably only appear once, in Sex and Death on the Beach. Like Elwin Sanford.

Elwin is “a rotund man in a hardhat, neon safety vest and gray cover­alls. He had a wispy mouse-colored mustache and weedy patches of hair clinging to his sweaty scalp. In fact, with his round body, gray coveralls and twitchy nose, he looked like a cartoon mouse.”

Elwin’s appearance is a clue to his character. He, a city inspector, is a crook and looks like one.

Important supporting characters.

Norah McCarthy has two live-in staff members at the Florodora apartments. One is the handyman-gardener is Rafael, a native of Colombia. In the first rewrite, Rafael is “a dark, stocky man who knows inventive ways to repair ancient machinery, handles maintenance and takes care of the grounds. He keeps the building one step ahead of the city inspectors, who are determined to shut us down. Rafael has a bachelor apartment above the garage.”

Rafael ducks difficult questions by looking confused and saying, “No spik Engleesh.”

At that point, was Rafael a real character?

Not  yet. All I have are the bare bones. Rafael is simply someone who has a few quirky mannerisms.

For the third rewrite, I sat down and wrote a bio of every major supporting character. In that version, my main character Norah chided Rafael when he used his “No spik Engleesh” routine with a cop. Norah tells him:

“Eventually you’re going to get caught, Rafael. You speak excellent English. You were a judge in Colombia.”

Norah instantly regrets her thoughtless remark: “As soon as the words passed my lips I wished I could take them back.

“The sudden sadness in Rafael’s eyes was a terrible rebuke. Rafael fled Medellin in 1986, after Pablo Escobar killed his wife and baby son. Grandma hired him, and he’d worked at the Florodora ever since. His ambition died with his family.”

Late at night, Norah would often see Rafael sitting on the flat roof of his garage apartment staring at the ocean, as if he could see all the way to his troubled country.

“Rafael never discussed his family’s murders. He hid his heart­break with superficial jokes and his ‘no-spik-Engleesh’ routine.”

I also wrote this bio of Rafael’s red truck: “The old truck rattled and lurched. A loose spring in the seatback poked passengers every time Rafael hit the brakes.

“The air conditioning worked when it felt like it. Whenever the air-con quit, Rafael would give the dashboard a hearty whap and cool air would pour out again.”

The Florodora has five permanent residents. I’m partial to Billie the banana bandit. Billie held up a convenience store with a banana and stole three overdone dogs from its hot dog roller grill. Billie worries his crime will somehow come to light, even though there was no police report and he ate the evidence.

At first, that’s about all I said about Billie, except he was a movie buff who perpetually held his own personal filmfest.

Billie needed more depth, so I had him write retrospectives about movies and made his first book a New York Times bestseller.

Billie had “turned his obsession into a successful writing career.”

He was currently researching his new film “book, Seeing in the Dark. This week it was the Rocky movies, and Billie was looking for the thirty-five goofs and plot holes that were supposedly in the Sly Stallone boxing movies. That’s how he prepared for his work, by looking for the mistakes in the movies.”

Billie comes downstairs, “wearing baggy jeans and a red Bruce Willis T-shirt that read, “I survived the Nakatomi Plaza Christmas party 1988.”

Nakatomi Plaza. The setting for Die Hard.

Die HardNorah tell him, “Let me guess. You’re also doing a Die Hard retrospective for your new book.”

“Yep,” Billie said. “Did you see the first Die Hard movie?’

“It’s been a while, but I liked it.”

“Me, too,” Billie said. “But there are supposed to be more than a hundred mistakes in the first movie alone, and I’m trying to find them all.”

Billie will tell Norah about as many as possible.

Another favorite character in Sex and Death on the Beach is Mickey, the artist. At first, I described Mickey as single, “kind and gentle,” and wearing offbeat clothes, including “a funky orange-striped caftan.”

Boring. Mickey had to be more than a heap of clothes. Readers had to care about her.

So I added, she “works as a freelance artist, but she’s been known to vandalize for a good cause.

“When posters appeared on the local telephone poles insulting black people, Mickey was horrified. She went around Peerless Point, covering the offensive posters with her homemade one, which said, ‘I covered the ugly racist poster here with a cat photo.’

“My favorite prank was what Mickey did in the local gas station bathroom. In the restroom was a wall-mounted infant diaper changing station that pulled down into a changing bed. Mickey put a sign on the plastic baby bed that said, ‘Place sacrifice here.’”

Mickey drives a “powder blue VW Bug with a sign in the back window: ‘Adults on Board. We want to live, too.’”

For this series, I recorded how all my characters got around. Some took the bus or bummed rides, others drove.

The Florida Beach bios total 22 pages single-spaced, and describe buildings, apartments, cars and characters minor and major, first and last names. I hope you’ll enjoy them.

Writers, do you use character bios for your books?

Buy Sex and Death at the Beach online. NOTE: Prices may vary. Please check before you buy:

Amazon: https://tinyurl.com/326up5ny

Barnes & Noble: https://tinyurl.com/3tx8x4fb

Thriftbooks https://tinyurl.com/3vk9yhb5.

Or order it from your local bookstores, including Harvard Book Store https://www.harvard.com/book/9781448314799.

 

Character Building

By Elaine Viets

When I started writing Sex and Death on the Beach, the first mystery in my new Florida Beach series, I wrestled with a problem I hadn’t had for some time: Creating characters.

All my mysteries have new characters, but when I’m introducing a new series, I have to create characters I can use throughout the series. This took at least five rewrites.

My main character is Norah McCarthy, who inherited a 1920s apartment house in mythical Peerless Point, Florida. Norah was orphaned at age four and brought up by her grandmother, a retired Florodora Girl.

The residents of Norah’s building belong to an exclusive group. They must be Florida Men and Women, but the benign variety. The exploits of Florida Man often include alligators and alcohol. You’ve seen the headlines: “Florida Man Busted with Meth, Guns and Baby Gator in Truck.” The residents are her adopted family, and they will appear in future mysteries.

Bare bones characters

Some characters will probably only appear once in Sex and Death on the Beach. Like Elwin Sanford.

Elwin is “a rotund man in a hardhat, neon safety vest and gray cover­alls. He had a wispy mouse-colored mustache and weedy patches of hair clinging to his sweaty scalp. In fact, with his round body, gray coveralls and twitchy nose, he looked like a cartoon mouse.”

Elwin’s appearance is a clue to his character. A city inspector, he is a crook and looks like one.

Important supporting characters

Norah McCarthy has two live-in staff members at the Florodora apartments. One is the handyman-gardener Rafael, a native of Colombia. In the first rewrite, Rafael is “a dark, stocky man who knows inventive ways to repair ancient machinery, handles maintenance and takes care of the grounds. He keeps the building one step ahead of the city inspectors, who are determined to shut us down. Rafael has a bachelor apartment above the garage.”

Rafael ducks difficult questions by looking confused and saying, “No spik Engleesh.”

At that point, was Rafael a real character?

Not  yet. All I have are the bare bones. Rafael is simply someone who has a few quirky mannerisms.

For the third rewrite, I sat down and wrote a bio of every major supporting character. In that version, my main character Norah chided Rafael when he used his “No spik Engleesh” routine with a cop. Norah tells him:

“Eventually you’re going to get caught, Rafael. You speak excellent English. You were a judge in Colombia.”

Norah instantly regrets her thoughtless remark: “As soon as the words passed my lips I wished I could take them back.

“The sudden sadness in Rafael’s eyes was a terrible rebuke. Rafael fled Medellin in 1986, after Pablo Escobar killed Rafael’s wife and baby son. Grandma hired him, and he’d worked at the Florodora ever since. His ambition died with his family.

“Late at night, I’d often see Rafael sitting on the flat roof of his garage apartment staring at the ocean, as if he could see all the way to his troubled country.

“Rafael never discussed his family’s murders. He hid his heart­break with superficial jokes and his ‘no-spik-Engleesh’ routine.”

I also wrote this bio of Rafael’s red truck: “The old truck rattled and lurched. A loose spring in the seatback poked passengers every time Rafael hit the brakes.

“The air conditioning worked when it felt like it. Whenever the air-con quit, Rafael would give the dashboard a hearty whap and cool air would pour out again.”

The Florodora has five permanent residents.

I’m partial to Billie the banana bandit. Billie held up a convenience store with a banana and stole three overdone dogs from its hot dog roller grill. Billie worries his crime will somehow come to light, even though there was no police report and he ate the evidence.

At first, that’s about all I said about Billie, except he was a movie buff who perpetually held his own personal filmfest.

Billie needed more depth, so I had him write retrospectives about movies. His first book was a New York Times bestseller.

Billie had “turned his obsession into a successful writing career.”

He was currently researching his new film book, Seeing in the Dark. This week it was the Rocky movies, and Billie was looking for the thirty-five goofs and plot holes that were supposedly in the Sly Stallone boxing movies. That’s how he prepared for his work, by looking for the mistakes in the movies.

Billie comes downstairs “wearing baggy jeans and a red Bruce Willis T-shirt that read, “I survived the Nakatomi Plaza Christmas party 1988.”

Nakatomi Plaza. The setting for Die Hard.

Norah tell him, “Let me guess. You’re also doing a Die Hard retrospective for your new book.”

“Yep,” Billie said. “Did you see the first Die Hard movie?’

“It’s been a while, but I liked it.”

“Me, too,” Billie said. “But there are supposed to be more than a hundred mistakes in the first movie alone, and I’m trying to find them all.”

Billie will tell Norah about as many as possible.

Another favorite character in Sex and Death on the Beach is Mickey, the artist. At first, I described Mickey as single, “kind and gentle,” and wearing offbeat clothes, including “a funky orange-striped caftan.”

Boring. Mickey had to be more than a heap of clothes. Readers had to care about her.

So I added, she “works as a freelance artist, but she’s been known to vandalize for a good cause.

“When posters appeared on the local telephone poles insulting black people, Mickey was horrified. She went around Peerless Point, covering the offensive posters with her homemade one, which said, ‘I covered the ugly racist poster here with a cat photo.’

“My favorite prank was what Mickey did in the local gas station bathroom. In the restroom was a wall-mounted infant diaper changing station that pulled down into a changing bed. Mickey put a sign on the plastic baby bed that said, ‘Place sacrifice here.’”

Mickey drives a “powder blue VW Bug with a sign in the back window: ‘Adults on Board. We want to live, too.’”

For this series, I recorded how all my characters got around. Some took the bus or bummed rides, others drove.

The Florida Beach bios total 22 pages single spaced, and describe buildings, apartments, cars and characters minor and major, first and last names. I hope you’ll enjoy them.

Writers, do you use character bios for your books?

Buy Sex and Death at the Beach online. NOTE: Prices may vary. Please check before you buy:

Amazon: https://tinyurl.com/326up5ny

Barnes & Noble: https://tinyurl.com/3tx8x4fb

Thriftbooks https://tinyurl.com/3vk9yhb5.

Or order it from your local bookstores, including Harvard Book Store https://www.harvard.com/book/9781448314799.