Four Lessons Learned When My Pants Fell Down

Posted on by
1

by Debbie Burke

 

After college, I swore off writing outlines. No more nonsense with Roman numeral I, capital A, Arabic numeral 2, lower-case b, etc.

For years, I’ve been a proud, unapologetic pantser. My system is flawed and not terribly efficient, but it’s worked for nine books.

Well, I must confess, on my novel in process, my pants fell down.

Proof of Life (working title) is the 10th book in the Tawny Lindholm Thriller series. I know the characters well but not so well that they can’t still surprise me when they get into trouble.

The leads are investigator Tawny Lindholm and defense attorney Tillman Rosenbaum, a recently married couple in their 50s who work together in Montana. Both have adult children from previous marriages.

The inciting incident: Arielle, Tillman’s 22-year-old daughter, has been living in Israel for two years researching family history. She unexpectedly arrives back home in Montana, bedraggled and exhausted with a newborn baby girl. She’s clearly been on the run but refuses to answer questions. Even Tawny, whose superpower is to convince anyone to spill their secrets, can’t persuade Arielle to open up.

Because my books are thrillers, I also write scenes from the villain’s point of view. He’s a high-ranking Israeli cop who’s married, but not to Arielle. The baby is his, and he wants her back. His investigative methods are brutal but effective. If he finds Arielle, she’s in dire peril.

When starting a new book, generally I begin with Jim Bell’s minimal signposts then take E.L Doctorow’s route:

“Writing is like driving at night in the fog. You can only see as far as your headlights, but you can make the whole trip that way.”

Even before I started writing, I worried that the research needed about international laws was too complicated. But I pushed forward with the story, figuring I could fill in the blanks on rewrite.

Tawny and Tillman suspect Arielle has broken laws. They want to help her but she’s holding back critical information. They don’t yet know about the villain who’s hunting her.

Pretty soon, for the plot to make sense, I had to dig into the Hague Convention treaty regarding international child abduction. Who has jurisdiction? Who takes the lead during an arrest? FBI, State Department, Israeli consulate?

Laws on the books rarely translate into how they’re applied in real life (or realistic fiction). How could I find insights into actual practices? How are suspects treated? Do they go to jail pending hearings? What happens to the abducted child? Who takes care of her until custody is determined?.

For almost 200 pages, I wrote scenes out of chronological order as ideas occurred to me. The draft was full of notes saying, “needs further explanation”, “do more research”, “maybe cut?”, and “move this section?”.

No surprise that I started getting confused.

The excerpts I submitted to my critique group were discrete, self-contained scenes that they generally liked. But over several months, one member kept raising valid questions. I gave excuses  but couldn’t come up with definitive answers.

More confusion.

In the past, I’ve used calendars to keep track of story timelines. That was especially important for Dead Man’s Bluff which was set against the backdrop of an actual hurricane. The calendar matched real day by day events like flooding, when roads were reopened, the staggered restoration of power over five days, etc. since those events impacted the plot.

Using a calendar also charts the cause and effect of each scene in relation to those before and after it. For this current manuscript, I didn’t use a calendar.

Bad choice.

Inside my head, arguments raged.

Wait a second, for the timeline to make sense, that scene can’t happen until much later. Oh no, that revelation is too soon because Tawny doesn’t know about XYZ yet. Oops, that confrontation between Tillman and the officials needs more build up. Should there even be a confrontation?  

When I tried to cobble scenes together, they resembled Franken-novel.

photo credit: Andrew Fare

Pretty soon, I was in deeper trouble than poor Arielle.

For several weeks, I let my normally trusty subconscious work on the problems. But this time, even she was stumped.

So much for pantsing.

I admitted defeat and placed a 9-1-1 call to my brilliant brainstorming buddy Phyllis Quatman. She’s an attorney, author, and fantastic sounding board. Sitting at her dining table, we tore the plot apart.

Finally, Phyllis said, “Deb, you’re making this much too complicated. Why don’t you simply…” and she distilled the story down to its most basic elements. Get rid of this. Move that. Don’t go off on this tangent. Give the villain-cop a secret past that prevents him from using his official channels to find Arielle and the baby. Force him to go to ground and stay under the radar as she had to do.

Turns out my subconscious had already planted a breadcrumb about the villain’s secret past. That past simply needed to grow bigger and more sinister.

Three hours later, with brain buzzing and full of gratitude for Phyllis’s help, I drove home and started writing an outline.

Gasp! Me? The confirmed, unrepentant pantser?

This outline contains no Roman numerals, no capital and lower-case letters. It’s not scene by scene, chapter by chapter. Maybe it’s not even technically an outline.

However, it contains the complicated backstory of the events leading up to Arielle’s surprise arrival in Montana with the baby. Arielle’s secrets. Other characters’ secrets.

Most important are the villain’s secrets—there are humiliations and past crimes he never wants to come to light. Those are his motivations. What is his deep desire? He genuinely loves the baby and wants her back. What must he do to accomplish that goal? Find and kill Arielle.

Backstory isn’t simply backstory. It causes the present story.

One by one, secrets will be revealed. Each changes the course of the plot and builds toward the climax.

I pounded a signpost in the ground for the climactic showdown. Not many details yet but it’s a destination to head toward.

The outline clocked in at 1300 words.

Can any scenes from the original 200 pages be salvaged? Some, yes. Others may undergo severe rewriting.

Others go in the trash. Actually, it’s more like putting them in purgatory. When I cut scenes, I store them at the end of the Word doc as “outtakes” in case there are a few useable sentences or paragraphs. In practice, though, when manuscripts have been finalized, those scenes were not needed.

I’d already successfully pantsed my way through nine previous novels. I thought the same method would work for the tenth. It didn’t.

I had to change, adapt, and rethink the process.

Did I waste months drafting a story that couldn’t work? Would I have been more efficient and productive if I’d planned the plot in advance instead of pantsing it? Probably.

Will my quasi-outline solve the problem? I don’t know yet.

A whole lot of new scenes have to be written. This time around, I’ll write in chronological order with a calendar.

Lessons learned:

  1. Just because a method worked in the past, it may not work now.

  2. Doctorow’s headlights didn’t show the cliff soon enough to avoid this story dropping over it.

  3. Listen to warning bells from my critique group.

  4. Get over my childish prejudice against outlines.

One lesson I learned long ago was to ask for help from a good friend who’s objective, rational, and logical. Phyllis came through in a big way, as she’s done many times in the past. I’m filled with gratitude and appreciation for her.

Will I remain a pantser? Probably, but I’m no longer as confirmed and unrepentant. Maybe now my pants will stay up.

~~~

TKZers: Are you a plotter, pantser, or a combination of both (plantser)? Have you run into trouble with your system? How did you solve the problem? Or are you still working on it?

 

Cover by Brian Hoffman

 

Please check out Dead Man’s Bluff to see how using a calendar helped fiction mesh with real-life events.

You Meet Characters in the Most Interesting Places

Posted on by
25

Before I begin today’s post, I’d like to thank my colleagues at TKZ for their good wishes, and especially James Scott Bell and Dale Ivan Smith, for covering for me during my absence.

TKZ is the greatest. It’s nice to back.

Now on to some interesting fictional characters…

“Characters are not created by writers. They pre-exist and have to be found.” — Elizabeth Bowen

* * *

I’ve been spending a lot of my time lately in a few unfamiliar settings – at least they’re new territory to me – hospitals, rehab orgs, and skilled nursing facilities – as we deal with my husband’s recent medical problems.

Now you might think such places would be depressing. After all, they’re  home to the wrinkled and veiny aged population with their wheelchairs and walkers, prescription drugs and hospital beds. However…

I found these places not to be depressing at all, but fascinating. Most of the folks I’ve met aren’t persistent bellyachers despite their disabilities. Instead, they are people who have lived full lives and are up to facing adversity in their last years.

Take Jeb (not his real name). We met the 92-year-old at dinner one night in a skilled nursing home. Jeb is down to earth and fun to talk to, although he needs his hearing aids to stay in the conversation.

When Jeb noticed my husband was wearing a navy hat, our talk turned toward the military and veterans. We discovered Jeb had retired as a Colonel from the U.S. Army after thirty years of service and had served three tours of duty in Vietnam as a green beret.

Jeb is a relatively small man, not the muscle-bound giant I would have expected of a green beret, but he was a well-respected leader. He’s even the subject of a chapter in the book The Wars of the Green Berets by Robin Moore.

But in addition to his stories about the war, it was Jeb’s demeanor that captivated me. Although he lived through some horrific events, he is genial and warm, and his conversation is peppered with exclamations like “Oh heavens, yes!” and “Now, whaddya know!”

I realized after we’d spent a few hours with Jeb that he was the perfect model for Jake, a character in my WIP. I had been developing the character of Jake, a Korean War veteran who had lost his hearing in the war, and I had a good sense of who Jake was, but I couldn’t quite picture the physical character in my mind. Then I met Jeb and realized he was the model I had been looking for.

Jeb wasn’t the only character I met. Madeline (also not her real name) was another one whose determination to get out of the nursing home was funny and inspiring. As a matter of fact, it was during a conversation with Madeline that I suggested we form a team of residents to create a short story – a murder mystery set in a nursing facility. We’re getting suggestions for plot elements and characters from all sides to our tentatively named story, “The MerriLax Conspiracy” where the murder victim is, of course, one of the nurses. Madeline will play a leading role.

* * *

So TKZers: Where do you find characters for your stories? Are they based on people you know or always products of your imagination? Care to let the rest of us in on some of your experiences?

* * *

 

“DiBianca’s plot is tightly woven, but her cast of quirky and lovable characters steal the spotlight” —BookLife Reviews, Editor’s Pick

Click the image to go to the Amazon book page.

Your Writing Routine

Posted on by
16

by James Scott Bell

Ian Fleming enjoyed a writer’s dream life. He owned an estate he called Goldeneye on the northern coastline of Jamaica, with a house on a cliff overlooking the ocean. It was here that he wrote all his James Bond novels. (Goldeneye was named for a secret operation Fleming planned for British Naval Intelligence during WWII.)

A meme recently circulated that describes his writing routine (click to enlarge):

More details can be found here.

This daily schedule of producing 2,000 words a day enabled Fleming to finish a first draft of his novels within approximately six weeks. After that, he would spend a week going through and correcting the errors as well as rewriting passages. Then the manuscript was sent off to his publisher.

Fleming said, “I find that unless I stick to a routine, if I just wait for genius to arrive from the skies, it just doesn’t arrive. I just get on with the work.”

Back in 1988, when I decided I had to follow my inner compulsion to write, and began devouring books and articles in Writer’s Digest, the first lesson I took to heart was to set myself a quota of words. Not time, because it is quite possible to sit in front of a computer for a couple of hours without getting many words done at all. I started aiming for 1,000 words a day. Later I modified that because, let’s face it, not all days are the same, and life has a way of intruding upon you, unbidden.

So I settled on 6,000 words a week, taking Sunday off to rest and recharge (essential, IMO). I kept track of my words on a spreadsheet (still do). That way, if I missed a day for some reason, I’d do a little more on the other days. If I got to the end of the week short of my goal, I forgot about it and started fresh the next week.

As I look back on the books I’ve managed to write, I can honestly say it was made possible only because of the quota system. Like Fleming, I couldn’t wait for “genius”  or “the muse” to arrive. Indeed, I came up with ways to “goose the muse.”

My writing routine was not as time-clocky as Fleming’s, but has remained roughly the same.

I wake up early, while it’s still dark, and make the coffee. I spend an hour or so getting the motor running. I used to do that by reading a book or newspaper, but I regret to say the smartphone era has crowded in with emails and scrolling.

Anyway, I then get some writing done. If I can knock off 250 words (a Nifty 250) or even 350, it makes meeting my quota so much easier.

My wife awakens and we spend time together sipping brew, doing some devotional reading together, planning the day to come. The hours between 7 and 11 a.m. are my sweet spot. I write on my main WIP, first by doing a light edit on yesterday’s output, then charging ahead until I’ve hit my quota. If I’m going good, I keep on going. Or I do some development on other projects. I keep everything in Scrivener.

Around 11 I do some exercise and strength training (I need to up these) and have lunch. While I munch, I watch half an hour or so of an old movie (have you discovered Tubi yet?) and then take care of business matters.

I love to work in a power nap. When I had a law office I got real good at putting my feet up on my desk and nodding off for 20 minutes. The afternoon is open time for anything that needs to be taken care of, and is the best time for me to get some reading done. I have a big TBR pile, and usually am in one fiction and one nonfiction book, with several others in various stages of ingestion.

From 4–5 I might get some more words in.

From then on it’s wife time, meaning dinner, games, and watching a movie or show (we’re currently going through Person of Interest again). On occasion we’ll go out to dinner with friends, after I take out a home loan.

Then bed, and then the whole thing starts over again.

And that, for what it’s worth, is my writing routine. What’s yours?

Website Words of Wisdom

Posted on by
7

My days have been busy lately, filled with lots of fiction writing and reading, as well as time spent on various publishing considerations. One of those considerations is my author website.

I’ve been with my current web host for ten years now, but I feel it’s time for a change, for several reasons: cost, options, security, ease of use, and ease of maintenance.

After a lot time spent researching various hosting options, and a great deal of ruminating, I decided to move to Book Bub’s Author websites. Since I had been barely utilizing my WordPress website for quite some time, starting anew wasn’t an obstacle; instead the prospect appealed to me.

Incidentally, Book Bub’s Author Websites also provides a simple, no frills email newsletter option, which was another incentive to switch.

Given what I’ve been working on, it’s probably no surprise today’s Words of Wisdom sifts through the KZB archives to find three posts concerning author websites. Even though the first is from 2009 and the second 2013, the considerations they address are evergreen. Kathyrn Lilley looks at grading your website, using a free online tool which is still available. Claire Langley-Hawthorne provides questions to consider when designing your author website. Lastly Debbie Burke discusses online accessibility.

For most of the year, I tend to ignore my web site, www.kathrynlilley.com; I lag behind in making updates (except for the Twitter app that automatically displays updates). Recently I noticed that I’d even let my newsletter account expire. (This may be due to the fact that, because I don’t like getting newsletters, I assume other people don’t like getting them–even the ones who sign up for my newsletter. Or it might be just laziness on my part–I hate writing ’em).

But from time to time I make solemn vows to improve the site. Recently I ran my URL through Website Grader, an SEO service that grades web sites according to various criteria, including meta data, inbound links, and a bunch of other things that I barely understand. It also compares a given site to similar sites. My web site had a score of 47. Now, when I went to school, a 47 was a big, fat “F”. The site also had a Google page rank of 3. That’s probably not good either, although I have no idea what is considered a “good” Google page rank.

The Website Grader issued a report that suggested various ways that I can improve my statistics: Adding a page title, metadata, and listing the site on web directories, among others. I’ve since heard that those suggestions for revisions are based on “old” technology, and no longer valid. But honestly, I have no idea. I’ll take a stab at making the improvements, just to feel like I’ve done something useful.

As an author, how much attention do you pay to your web site? Do you let it languish like an unwanted stepchild, or do you nurture yours? If you’ve done a major overhaul, have you been pleased with the result?

Kathyrn Lilley—October 19, 2009

I am focusing on a much needed update to my author website (very much overdue I fear!) but, horror of horrors,  I’ve realized that the book world has altered so much since I set up my website, I am now at sea as to what changes I really should be making.  Sure, I have all the obvious tabs: Author bio, appearances, book news, links to blogs, excerpts/readings and ‘what’s new’, but what I really need is to focus on what additional elements that truly add value to my readers (and yes, I also know I need to update my news/appearances too…)

As a reader I know I enjoy websites that are beautifully designed, visually appealing, easy to read (no weird fonts or jarring colors) and which offer lots of value added information that keep me coming back. That being said, it’s often hard to translate that into what is needed for your own website (and also, it’s a slippery slope, I don’t want to spend all my time writing website content rather than novels!).

So as I so often do, I am turning to you, the Kill Zone experts to find out what you think works/doesn’t work on author websites.

Here are some of the ideas/questions I am currently mulling over:

1. As I am venturing into YA territory should I have a separate tab for this on my current website or should I have an entirely different website designed – given that these are two separate genres?

2. How much ‘value added’ content is worthwhile including on a website. Given that I write historical fiction (for both my mysteries and YA books) does giving  information on the period provide a useful value add or would links to other websites and resources be sufficient. It’s always hard to know just exactly how much information/effort an authors should give to what is essentially background information.

3. Are giveaways and competitions really worthwhile?

4. What about books trailers or videos?

5. Do you (as a reader) appreciate any other value added elements/information on an author website?

And finally, have you got an examples of what you think are truly first-class author websites or ones which just don’t meet the mark?

Clare Langley-Hawthorne—January 21, 2013

An author’s website is their billboard to the world. This is the one-stop site where readers, potential readers, editors, agents, and others go to learn about the author and their writing.

Social media sites owned by others can ebb, flow, and sometimes disappear altogether (remember My Space?). Or they can suspend or ban your account.

Your website is your one constant showcase as an author.

That’s why it’s important to make it as welcoming, friendly, and accessible to the broadest number of visitors.

And that includes those with disabilities.

Recently on the Author’s Guild discussion thread, the topic of ADA-accessible websites came up. Rumors had started on social media that authors could be fined if their sites weren’t accessible per standards set by the Americans with Disabilities (ADA) act.

Apparently, the source behind those rumors were individuals and possibly law firms threatening suits against authors.

As far as I can tell from my research, there is no current law requiring author websites to be ADA compliant.

The ADA does require websites and mobile apps for federal, state, and local governmental bodies to be ADA compliant.

We’re all aware of the necessity for businesses and buildings that are open to the public to meet ADA requirements, such as barrier free entrances, ramps, restroom facilities, etc. Also new construction must meet ADA standards for physical accessibility with hallways wide enough for wheelchairs, etc.

But until recently I hadn’t given much thought to online accessibility.

With increasing use of websites and apps to do everyday tasks like making travel reservations, ordering merchandise and services, applying for employment, bill paying, banking, etc., consumers need to be able to actually use those online services to take care of the business of living.

What if you have low vision or are color blind? What if you can’t read the text onscreen because of poor contrast or small fonts? What if you can’t see the color images onscreen that instruct you to click here?

Despite recent successful cataract surgery, my close vision is not good even with reading glasses. I’m frustrated with online sources that feature elaborate but undecipherable fonts. Often they feature tiny text. Worse is low contrast text on a background that’s a similar color (light gray text on dark gray background). Moving icons or videos that flash past, or other quirks can make content hard to read.

I just ran across an appealing website about wine with many gorgeous professional photos. The background image is a beautiful bunch of grapes. But…the text is 6 point font in white. Small, low contrast text combined with a busy background made it challenging to read. This otherwise stunning site was a disappointment.

If I visit an author’s site and it’s difficult to navigate, I really don’t care how cool it looks. I close the window.

When authors update their websites or create new newsletters, it’s good to be mindful of various disabilities. Here’s an article from ADA.gov with potential problems to look for and suggestions for easier accessibility. Levelaccess.com offers a free color checker test.

Website builders like WordPress offer many different themes. Maybe changing the theme can make your site more welcoming. If you publish a newsletter, review sample templates to find the most attractive and readable options for fonts, background colors, and images.

Because I’m not techie, the goal of my website has always been to make it as friendly and easy to use as possible for fellow troglodytes. I use large, easily readable fonts and bold typefaces.

Debbie Burke—August 27, 2024

***

Do you have an author website? If you do, what tips do you have for appearance, accessibility, ease of use, and ease of maintaining?

Reader Friday-Gitcher Shovels!

Posted on by
22

Digging deep today, TKZers!

As readers and writers, memories are important. When we read, we are often bombarded with memories from our own earthly timeline. A character being lost might dredge up that frightening memory when your child got away from you in a crowded store. Or a nasty break-up reminds you of one you went through.

The question today is this:  What is your earliest memory? Pleasant or harsh or in-between, what is a memory that stands out from your youngest years?

My earliest memory is when I was five and my sister was two. She slipped on the ice outside our house and banged her head on the walkway, knocking her unconscious. My dad hurried over and picked her up. I remember her head flailing around on his shoulder as he rushed her into the house. My six-year-old brother and I both thought she was dead, and were afraid to go in. But then we heard voices, Mom, Dad, and baby sister. We inched in and were relieved to see her sitting up in Mom’s lap.

 

This memory is especially poignant for me because thirty years later she really did pass away—and along with the reality of her death—was infused into both of my novels in different ways. And, tomorrow is her birthday, which makes this post/memory even more precious.

Your turn! What is your earliest memory? And how have you worked it into your story?

 

 

*     *     *

Ways to Engage Readers

Posted on by
6

Most readers think that writers only write. (I wish) But these days, most authors have to either help promote their books or, with indie publishing, do all the promotion. Marketing that works involves connecting with readers, so I’m always looking for ways to engage readers (after writing a gripping story). I found a few to share with you.

#wordoftheday

Our own Terry Odell shared in an interview that she had been posting #wordoftheday on her social media sites, and I asked if she’d mind if I copied her idea. She agreed after threatening to make me the villain in one of her books and killing me off <G>…What she actually said was, “Sure. I stole the idea from someone else, anyway.”

Every day Terry posts a new word on Facebook (I’m sure you could post it on Instagram and Threads, too) that she chooses from Dictionary.com and asks her readers to make up a definition for the word. You can schedule posts to drop in, allowing you to schedule as many as you’d like or do one each day. It doesn’t take long. You can see that Terry has 19 comments on this post, which is a good response.

#PunDay

Amy Lilliard, another writer friend, creates Pun Day posts. She and a friend each make up a pun, and Amy puts it on her Facebook page and lets her readers pick the best pun. Like Terry’s Word of the Day, these competitions have generated a lot of engagement from readers.

Pinterest Boards

Another way to engage readers is to create a Character Board for your latest WIP on Pinterest. You can ask your readers what they would like to see on the board, or here are a few AI suggestions:

  •  Photos or drawings showing what the character looks like.
  • Specific outfits, shoes, and accessories they wear.
  •  Places they live, rooms, or nature backgrounds that match their mood.
  • Small items like weapons, books, animals, or food tied to their story.
An X offering:

A couple of years ago, there was a Twitter post going around where you posted either the title of a book or the first line, and then added “And then the murders began.” So I thought I’d try it using one of my books. It’s a way to get your book out there without saying, Buy me! This is something you can do on any social media site. I love seeing what readers come up with.

And then the murders began

Polls

Polls are a great way to engage readers. I’ve created polls to see if my readers preferred the beach or mountains as a setting. You can put the poll in your newsletter, a social media post, or on your blog, if you have one. My next book is set in the mountains, and I made that decision after polling my readers.

Blogs

Blogs are a great way to connect with readers. TKZ is a great example of that. I have a blog with over 600 subscribers, over 1,000 visitors each week, and usually 25-30 comments that I always answer.

While those numbers aren’t astronomical, I started out about seven years ago with only 10 visitors each week (my family) and zero subscribers. I’m gaining more each week with my Mystery Question blog, where I have four statements (usually crimes). Three are true, and I make up one. Readers guess which one. Then on Friday, I review a book by another author.

If you decide to start a blog, there are a couple of things to keep in mind.

  1. Provide something that ties into what you write. I write suspense, so the Mystery Question ties into my books. And my Friday post readers appreciate that I promote other authors.
  2. Be consistent. I’ve occasionally had to suspend my posts, and when I began again, it took a few weeks to get engagement going again.
  3. Always respond to the comments — connecting with readers is the whole point of the blog.

Readers like to connect with the authors they read. We should give them the opportunity to learn more about us and our books. Take the time to share a little about yourself with your readers. It’s a win-win situation.

Do you have any ideas you’d like to share?

First Page Critique:
Start Making Senses!

Posted on by

And suddenly the memory revealed itself. The taste was that of the little piece of madeleine which on Sunday mornings at Combray…when I went to say good morning to her in her bedroom, my aunt Léonie used to give me, dipping it first in her own cup of tea or tisane. The sight of the little madeleine had recalled nothing to my mind before I tasted it. And all from my cup of tea. — Proust, In Search of Lost Time

By PJ Parrish

Morning crime dogs. Today, our submission writer is taking us to a far off place with a strange sounding name. Actually, they don’t tell us exactly where we are, but that’s okay because I can sense we’re not in Kansas, Dotty. The genre, our writer says, is international political thriller. Take a look and then let’s talk.

Light In the Kingdom Of Sand

Ari Edri woke to the heat and stink of his apartment, mouth sour with the taste of alcohol and cigarettes. His bed, little more than a cot, was drenched with sweat. The clamor of morning traffic outside the open window was all horns and chaos. His clock said it was nearly noon – another Monday and no reason to care or stir from bed.

He lay there for a moment, trying to find a comfortable position, but age, abuse, and arthritis made that impossible. Disgusted, he swung his legs off the bed and rose painfully to his feet.

In years past, he might have found a more accommodating home, but this was really all he could afford. He limped across the room to relieve himself. He winced at the pain and his reflection in the faded mirror. It was older, sadder, and more worn than he remembered.

Splashing water on his face, he looked around the room. The chair was still wedged firmly under the door handle. His old Luger lay on the bedside table. Unnecessary precautions, but habits die hard.

Long retired, he had done so without a single citation in his personnel file. Dozens of missions to support his country, and yet he was a cipher to them.

The lady downstairs must be cooking from Yael’s cookbook again. The smell from below and the thought of his ex-wife cooking a recipe she thought he loved brought a smile to his face unbidden. He looked at the picture of his daughter and granddaughter on the dresser. The smell and the picture were momentarily overpowering. Ari found his vision blurring, and he wiped a tear from his cheek too late to stop the next one. Tough guy, yeah.

He remembered his ex-wife and daughter confronting him about his drinking, telling him he couldn’t be around his granddaughter if he was going to be drinking. Not believing them led to not being able to see any of them. I should have believed them. How do you come back from that?

He moved the Luger to the small kitchen table and stared at it. Will today be the day? Will I finally have nerve enough? Not strong enough to stop the booze, why would I be strong enough to pull the trigger?

______________

I’m back. I enjoyed reading this submission. It has a good flow and I immediately felt sympathetic toward Ari Edri. (I like his name, btw, easy to remember as it trips off the tongue). But because this is pretty darn good, I am going to be a little hard on you, dear writer.

About Ari: We don’t know if he is the protagonist, the would-be hero whose journey we will follow for three hundred pages or so. The writer could be setting him up as a victim. Which is a fine entryway into a plot. Your story doesn’t always have to open with your protag; sometimes creating a scenario around a victim can be a really effective set-up. Done it many times myself. (Note to writer: If Ari is a victim, make sure you intro your hero very soon.)

But let’s assume Ari is the main man here. There is much I already like about the guy, thanks to judicious backstory insertion. Notice that the writer does NOT lard in paragraphs of backstory. They give us just enough to entice us about his circumstances — once an effective “warrior” of some kind, but now broken (tortured?) and forgotten. I sense bitterness, which will work well in Ari’s character arc, leaving me to wonder if this is, themactically, a story about redemption.

An aside: Redemption is a powerful theme. And never forget, writers, that THEME is what your story is really about. Yes, it’s about action, plot, car chases, a fight to save a person or a country. BUT your story is, at its deepest depths, about what is happening inside your character’s heart. Never forget that.

Now, about plot. Not much is happening in these first pages. It’s a slow build opening. I don’t mind that. I am willing to go along for a slow ride, BUT only to a point. Dear writer: I suggest you get Ari out and doing something fairly quickly. Too much remembering, musing, thinking, pondering and moping isn’t sustainable for long.

I will ask this to you all out there: Do you think the writer got into the scene too early? I often see mysteries and thrillers begin this way — the protag (usually a PI or cop) gets a phone call to come to a crime scene. We then get him swinging his tired legs over the bed, “padding” across the ratty apartment, hungover, staring at his gun, moping and thinking…

When…

It might be more effective to get the protag OUT into the world actively doing something. I really dislike cop stories that begin with the cop getting a phone call to come to a murder scene. Rather: Put him (and us) there and then go back and fill in the backstory of booze and broken homes. As James said in his great Sunday post on backstory: ACT FIRST, EXPLAIN LATER. Click here to read. Dear Writer: I suggest you go back and read James’s post.

Some other things about the submission. Given Ari’s name and the book’s title, I am assuming this takes place in the mideast. I don’t need you to slap a place tag on your chapter ie:

CHAPTER ONE

KABUL, JANUARY, 2023

That’s lame. But do find a way soon to tell us where we are organically. You’ve already hinted at it.

One last thing. And this is important….

I don’t get much sense of place. I don’t see you, the writer, using your sense, to bring Ari’s world to life. I think you can make this even better. Place is a character. You have to give it as much care as you do your characters. You are working with a good basic grasp of scene-building, but you’ve missed many chances to TAKE US TO YOUR PLACE.

This is a fault I see in many submissions, an underdeveloped sense of place, and no use of the senses in description. You’ve told us it is hot, sweaty and chaotic outside.  You’ve told us his apartment “stinks.” You’ve told us he looks worn and old. You’ve told us there is photo of his daughter and granddaugher. You’ve told us he can smell something cooking downstairs. 

Now SHOW us. What does “chaos” sound like? What does “hot” feel like? What does his apartment “stink” of? What does “old and worn” look like exactly? What does that family photo look like? And most powerfully, you set up this evocative memory of his wife’s cooking! What does it “smell” like? You must use your senses when you write. THAT is what takes us to your fictional world.

A sudden, brassy blast tore through the heavy air, a sharp and angry shriek of metal and electricity. Another horn joined in close behind—a long, heavy drone of pure frustration.

Note: The cacaphony of cars in say Chennai sounds completely different than it does in Chicago. And note that the noise can reflect the emotional noise in Ari’s head. Connect and reflect.

The world seemed to die each afternoon and nothing moved any longer. At last the summer was like a green sick dream, or like a silent crazy jungle under glass. — Carson McCullers, The Member of the Wedding.

Note: Trying to nail down weather description can make fools of us all. Tread lightly.

There is an invalid fug in the room – the faint animal scent of the furs, a vegetal stench of undrained cooking water, and the sour reek from a bowl with which a girl hurries away: containing, he suspects, the evacuated contents of the dowager’s stomach. — Hilary Mantel, Bring Up The Bodies

Note: Of course, your room isn’t historic and this isn’t your style. I offer it only as an example of how you must use your senses, especially smell. Which brings me to what you wrote:

The lady downstairs must be cooking from Yael’s cookbook again. The smell from below and the thought of his ex-wife cooking a recipe she thought he loved brought a smile to his face unbidden. He looked at the picture of his daughter and granddaughter on the dresser. The smell and the picture were momentarily overpowering. Ari found his vision blurring, and he wiped a tear from his cheek too late to stop the next one. Tough guy, yeah.

What what did you miss? The utterly golden opportunity to SHOW us what it smells like and more important, to link it to Ari’s emotional state. Some examples:

She smells of her cooking and the perfume Eau d’Hadrien. My mother wore it, too. She used to cook, like Lili. Our house smelled of garlic and thyme instead of sadness.― Jennifer Donnelly, Revolution

And of course:

As I ate the oysters with their strong taste of the sea and their faint metallic taste that the cold white wine washed away, leaving only the sea taste and the succulent texture, and as I drank their cold liquid from each shell and washed it down with the crisp taste of the wine, I lost the empty feeling and began to be happy and to make plans. — Ernest Hemingway, A Moveable Feast.

I am bringing these passages about food in for a main and final reason. Ari is a deeply troubled man, with a strangled present and a tortured past. He is estranged from his family and deeply lonely. You instinctively chose to put in that smell coming from an apartment below. Not just any smell — the divine scent of his wife’s cooking. How wonderfully Proustian! Yet you didn’t SHOW us what it smelled like. And worse, you missed the opportunity to link it to Ari’s memories and emotional state. Yes, you had him tear up, but it feels distanced and unspecific. Details! Details! Details! This should be a coda, bringing us out of his backstory past and back to the present as he looks at that Luger.

Here’s a clip from one of my favorite movies, The Hundred Foot Journey. It is about a young Indian man who leaves his family to become a famous chef in Paris. In the most touching scene, he shares an after-hours meal sitting on the floor of his famous bistro, with a waiter, who is eating the Indian dinner his wife has made for him. It brings the chef to tears and to the realization he must go home to find himself again. I can’t find that clip, alas. But, dear writer, please find a way to connect Ari to his past through taste and smell.

Good start, writer. I enjoyed this. Now, back to work….

 

Writing a Novel is Like Building a Chicken Coop

Posted on by

I spent the last nine days on vacation. Well, a “staycation” filled with manual labor in severe heat and humidity. Yes, I’m getting too old for this crap, but there is a silver lining — I never need to build another chicken coop! We built this one to withstand anything New England weather can throw at us.

As I’ve mentioned a time or two, I’m a mother to 17 chickens (among other furred, feathered, or skinned kids). In my last update, I had six adult hens and 11 female chicks, who lived in a temporary nursery coop in my house. When they grew big enough to transition into another temporary coop inside the barn, we knew we only had about three weeks before they needed to be integrated into the adult flock.

As an overprotective mom, it’s nerve-wracking and emotional to release the apron strings (they may have stayed in the house two extra weeks because of this), but the babies needed to learn the ins and outs of chicken society and hierarchy on their own. It’s something their father and I can’t provide. They must learn these life lessons from older and bigger flock members.

Thankfully, the flock leader is Flo, an angelic white brahma with a visible glowing aura.

click to enlarge

Ever seen anything like her? We haven’t, nor do we know why she glows.

Who else would be queen? Flo’s been a born leader since she was two days old. She’s strict — no one messes with Flo — and loving and fair. No unnecessary bullying allowed, but a good, hard peck here and there to keep the younglings in line is part of life. You might remember Biff, her 2nd in command and the muscle for the flock, from this post.

Though the adults have a coop inside the barn, they only had a temporary pen set up in the yard. We did this on purpose until the babies could integrate into the flock, or the adults might’ve gotten overly territorial. This way, everyone could experience their new space together.

The day after the building supplies arrived, we used our vacation to build this monstrous 10’ x 8’ x 8’ coop, with a chicken door that allows them entry into the barn to egg in private. We also keep an extra 5 gallons of water in the barn to keep it cool from the summer heat.

Building a chicken coop and writing a novel both require us to balance high-level creativity with rigid, technical constraints. Both are parallel journeys of messy, structural creation. And I’m not the only one to draw that parallel…

Author William Faulkner famously connected the two:

“Writing a novel is like building a chicken coop in a high wind—you grab any board you find and nail it down fast.”

Before laying out the 4×4 wood foundation, we needed flat, level ground to support the walls and roof.

Some writers create an outline, others might only have a beginning, middle, and an end. Some might not even have that. Your writing process doesn’t matter, if you ensure the story has a solid foundation to support the plot.

We dug trenches and buried wire to protect our flock from predators.

A novel needs tight boundaries to keep out plot-destroying distractions, like irrelevant subplots and tangents that threaten to kill the story’s momentum. 

Posts and beams support the roof and walls of the coop.

Major plot points support the story.

Rather than run posts 16 inches apart like you would for a house, we spaced them out to create an aviary style coop. To achieve this, we needed to run horizontal beams as well.

Rather than characters running straight from the start to the end, writers add setbacks, conflict, tension, character growth, and subplots.

Some coop builders install drop trays or “poop shelves” under roosting bars because chickens create an immense amount of waste. The dirt floor in our coop works the same way.

See the parallel to a “shitty first draft”?

Though I don’t buy into the argument that every first draft sucks, most writers embrace the reality that early drafts can be messy, disorganized, or in need of a rewrite. The editing process is the literary equivalent of raking the coop floor to keep a clean environment.

Once we built the frame and roof, we wrapped the coop with vinyl-coated, metal poultry mesh. Which is so much easier to work with than chicken wire. We still need to paint, tuck the roof under the edges, and add natural branches for extra roosts. They love their new digs!

Writers need to edit, polish the imagery, adjust the cadence, and fix grammatical errors until the prose feels smooth and deliberate.

*Please disregard the mess around the coop. It’s a work in progress.

The one-foot pitch of the roof is intentional for snow to slide off the side, rather than land in the walkway.

 

Act First, Explain Later

Posted on by

by James Scott Bell

We have a thriller first page for critique today. Read it and join me on the other side.

At first the sound didn’t trouble him. The lake’s placid. Minimal wind.At least two miles away. Maybe a chainsaw.Still … Anthony grabbed his military-grade binoculars from the wooden chest. He knew details would be hazy in the mountains in mid-October, especially at dusk. But it was worth a look.

Not a chainsaw.

A motorboat. Sprinting north. Maybe five minutes out.

Anthony King had enjoyed three years ofperfect solitude. No phone calls. No visits. Few concerns. Three more weeks until the first hard frost. Need to split more wood, check the roof for loose shakes, maybe head into Stehekin for supplies.

A decade ago, he’d been the only Asian in his Basic Underwater Demolition/SEAL class. At five feet nine and a hundred sixty pounds, he was an average-sized well-muscled Korean American. But BUD/S—the first phase of a program based entirely on merit—hadn’t conferred brownie points for his ethnic background. That’s how he liked it. In school he never cheated on tests. He preferred actually earning his grade, even if it meant settling for a C instead of an A. To him, garnering kudos for grade he didn’t deserve was stupid, asinine. Cheaters were losers.

At age nineteen, Anthony was one of 114 young men who signed up for the rigorous SEAL program. Many were exceptional athletes. But most quickly learned that outrunning someone at a track meet or pinning a wrestling opponent or grabbing the most rebounds in a basketball game didn’t guarantee success. A year after starting BUD/S, Anthony was one of only six from the original cadre to receive the coveted SEAL trident. Most dropped during “hell week”—day after day of sleeplessness and chilling cold, when they’d struggled to steer rafts along the turbulent Pacific coast and jogged down the Coronado beach until their sand-covered thighs ached from chaffing and strain. Some quit because of injuries. Others settled into supporting roles. Several restarted one of three training phases. But the majority threw in the towel—or, more precisely, rang the brass bell three times—signaling their intent to “drop on request.” For them, the dream—or nightmare, depending on one’s perspective—was finally over.

Anthony raised the binoculars again. The boat was drawing closer. Definitely heading toward his dock. He stepped into the cabin and lifted the Glock 19 from his holster on the nightstand. Checked the chamber—loaded, as always.

***

JSB: Writer, in our archives are years of first-page critiques, many of which deal with how do deal out backstory (which makes up the bulk of your page). Click here and do some reading. See also John Gilstrap’s  post on managing backstory, and my post wherein I say:

A wise writer (I’m not sure who) said, “A story begins when you light the match, not when you lay out the wood.” Give us some heat from the get-go.

It doesn’t have to be high heat. Just something that disturbs the Lead’s ordinary world. A portent of things to come.

I’ve critiqued many a manuscript at writers conferences, and when I find a “lay out the wood” opening it’s usually because there’s too much backstory. The author thinks the reader has to know a certain amount of information to understand what’s going on.

Not so! Readers will wait a long time for background information if they’re seeing a disturbance happening on the page. My axiom is: Act first, explain later.

You begin promisingly. And then it’s like you drop in a character dossier writers sometimes prepare in their pre-planning. Let’s do your opening this way (with minor tweaks by me):

At first the sound didn’t trouble him. The lake’s placid. Minimal wind.At least two miles away. Maybe a chainsaw. Still … Anthony grabbed his military-grade binoculars from the wooden chest. He knew details would be hazy in the mountains in mid-October, especially at dusk. But it was worth a look.

Not a chainsaw.

A motorboat. Sprinting north. Maybe five minutes out.

And definitely heading toward his dock.

He stepped into the cabin and lifted the Glock 19 from the holster on the nightstand, and racked the slide.

Now we’re cooking. Immediate threat. What do we know about Anthony? He’s hiding in the mountains, has a military background (or equivalent) and can handle weapons. That’s enough to keep us reading.

But wait, you say, we don’t know about his background and training. You’re right! And that creates mystery, which is what keeps readers reading. (Hint: All page-turning fiction runs on mystery, meaning we want readers wondering Why is this happening? What’s going to happen next? I need to keep reading to find out!)

My suggestion to you is write this whole chapter/scene with nothing but action. Make it work like you were watching it on a screen.

Then step back and look at all your backstory information and ask yourself:

  1. What part of it is absolutely essential for the readers to know on the first pages? (Hint: Your answer should be Not that much.)
  2. How can I provide that info in the fewest words possible?

Save the rest for later.

One exercise I’ve given to writers is this: In your first 5,000 words, you can have three sentences of backstory, used all at once or dropped in separately. In your second 5,000, you can use three paragraphs of backstory, all at once or separately.

At the very least, this will force you major in action. You’re writing a thriller, after all. And the material you have here is promising. Now comes the skill part: how to deliver on the promise in the most effective way. That, of course, is the meta-task for all us writers. Welcome to the club!

And now I will leave it to our community of commenters to chime in with their suggestions.