Don’t Leave Out the Good Stuff

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by James Scott Bell
@jamesscottbell

It’s First Page Critique time. Here we go:

THE END OF THE SUMMER

TEN YEARS AGO

November. The rain started first thing that morning and Marc Newman listened to the fat drops splatter against the window panes. He sat at his desk, diddling with a pencil, watching the rain and ruminating. She was still on his mind. About nine-thirty the Sheriff and two deputies knocked on the front door. They were there to arrest him for murder. He had been expecting them for months.

He didn’t resist and didn’t say anything.

At the Sheriff’s office, Newman endured the fingerprinting, photographing his mug shot, and watching a deputy type up the arrest form. He was allowed to call his attorney, Harold deLuca.

That afternoon, he was taken from his cell to an interview room. A woman introduced herself as Assistant District Attorney Melonie Edgars.

He wondered why deLuca wasn’t there.  

She told Newman that he was being charged with the first degree murder of Lya Marie Reynolds. She wanted him to sign a paper indicating he understood his rights under Miranda v Arizona. He didn’t respond to her request.

“Mr. Newman, I’m here as a courtesy. We already have enough evidence on you to put in prison for the rest of your life. This is your chance to get your story on the record and that might help you during your trial. Tell me what happened on August 13th of this year.”

“I’d rather wait for my attorney to get here before I answer any of your questions.”

Edgars leaned back and sighed. “Guilty people always say that. Are you guilty of murder, Mr. Newman?”

He wanted to tell her to go screw herself but remained quiet instead.

“Did you know Lya Reynolds?”

He said nothing.

“She was only three weeks from her sixteenth birthday when you murdered her. Did you know that?   Her sweet sixteen. Turned out to be pretty bitter for her didn’t it.”

He looked away.

“Did you know she was pregnant when she was murdered?”

A tear rolled down Newman’s cheek. He didn’t try to wipe it away.

Edgars laid out several eight by ten glossy prints. “These were taken when we found her body. It was a vicious attack. Only someone who really hated her could have done this.   Look at them Mr. Newman. Look at what you did.”

“I . . . I, huh.” Newman gulped for air.   “I didn’t do this.”

“You’re a liar, Mr. Newman. And I can prove it.”

JSB: Writer, we have some work to do. Let’s roll up our sleeves.

Give Us the Good Stuff

There are two ways to render action on the page—scene and summary. A scene is showing us what’s happening in real time. Summary is telling us what happened.

In Stein on Writing, Sol Stein explains:

Narrative summary is the recounting of what happens offstage, out of the reader’s sight and hearing, a scene that is told rather than shown.

An immediate scene happens in front of the reader, is visible, and therefore filmable. That’s an important test. If you can’t film a scene, it is not immediate. Theatre, a truly durable art, consists almost entirely of immediate scenes.

Just as every form of writing that is expected to be read with pleasure moves away from abstraction, every form of pleasurable writing benefits from conveying as much as possible before the eye, onstage rather than offstage.

The first half of your submission is all summary. Summary does not grab or engage. In fact, it should only be used to transition from one scene to another. Let’s say a guy has to leave his house and drive to the office. Unless the character is going to get into an accident, get shot at, or find a snake in his car, just write: John stormed out of the house and drove to the office.

But when there’s real conflict, real purpose, do not summarize it. Here, you open with a fellow getting arrested, taken to the station, and booked. All that is fodder for suspense, tension, worry. But you can’t create any of that in summary form.

She told Newman that he was being charged with the first degree murder of Lya Marie Reynolds. She wanted him to sign a paper indicating he understood his rights under Miranda v Arizona. He didn’t respond to her request.

Again, summary. Give us the good stuff! Interrogation scenes, like courtroom scenes, carry conflict by definition. Show show show!

All that being said…an author with a strong narrative voice can open with summary, as in To Kill a Mockingbird (Harper Lee), or with description, as in The Time It Never Rained (Elmer Kelton). Just know it takes some real wordsmithing to pull that off in a way that draws readers in.

Research the Good Stuff

We’ve got a lot of work to do here. The scene is implausible and needs the help of an expert (see Terry’s recent post and the comments). When you write about legal procedure and courtrooms, you need to nail the details (which often differ depending on state and local settings).

Our trouble starts with this: Here’s a guy who is suspected of murdering a pregnant teenager. The DA has “enough evidence” to put him away. How is this guy not in the clink? If the DA is involved and the case is heading for trial, that means there’s been an arrest, a booking and an indictment.

So we have the booking, and he watches a deputy “type up” the arrest form. Even ten years ago I doubt typewriters were used for this. Everything is computerized. And they wouldn’t let the suspect sit there and watch. He’d be in a cell. If he wants to call his lawyer, there’s usually a phone in a semi-private area they’ll allow a suspect to use.

As to the questioning itself, no ADA is going to tell a defendant she’s there to help him with his trial. Indeed, this ADA would not be talking to Newman at all because he has not signed a Miranda waiver and he’s asked for his attorney to be present before questioning. And yet the ADA goes on with her interrogation. She should be disbarred.

Perhaps you are setting up a later court hearing where the statements are thrown out by a judge. Most readers aren’t going to buy that. After years of Law and Order and myriad other TV shows and movies, we are well aware of Miranda and its meaning.

Side note: Unfortunately, there is a legal clinker on every episode of Law and Order. Whenever the detectives slap on the bracelets they immediately advise, “You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say…” Etc.

Problem is, in real life police do not give Miranda at the point of arrest. Miranda only comes into play when they begin to interrogate the suspect. Indeed, if the suspect starts mouthing off or says something incriminating on the way to the station, those statements are admissible in court. The cops want them to talk.

The bad effect of this trope is that some readers will object if you write the scene correctly. I enjoyed this thriller, but the author makes a huge mistake. When the police arrest Alan they do not read him his rights! How can the author not know that? 

That’s why, in my thrillers, if someone’s arrested I include a line or two, or an internal thought explaining the actual procedure.

End of rant side note.

Write the Good Beats, Cut the Useless Ones

A useless beat is redundant and makes a sentence flabby:

He wanted to tell her to go screw herself but remained quiet instead.

“Did you know Lya Reynolds?”

He said nothing.

We don’t have to be told he remained quiet instead. It’s obvious from the action.

He wanted to tell her to go screw herself.

“Did you know Lya Reynolds?”

He said nothing.

Reads better, doesn’t it?

Further, emotional beats need to be woven into the fabric of the scene in a plausible fashion.

“She was only three weeks from her sixteenth birthday when you murdered her. Did you know that?   Her sweet sixteen. Turned out to be pretty bitter for her didn’t it.”

He looked away.

“Did you know she was pregnant when she was murdered?”

A tear rolled down Newman’s cheek. He didn’t try to wipe it away.

It’s much too sudden for a tear to roll. It’s only been seconds from He wanted to tell her to go screw herself. What we’re missing are the beats where the inner turmoil heats up enough to start the waterworks.

How you write this depends on what you’re doing with the character. Did he do it? Is he feeling remorse? Or is this human pity for a victim of foul play? Whatever the answer, we need more to justify whatever he’s feeling, especially when it’s the opposite of what he felt a few seconds ago.

One minor note: You’re using the old-school double space after a period. No longer done.

Assignments

  1. Rewrite this opening without any narrative summary. Present-moment scene only. Put the good stuff in.
  2. Do your research on arrests, criminal referrals, and in-custody interrogations.
  3. Read the first chapter of Michael Connelly’s The Last Coyote. Bosch is on involuntary stress leave and forced into a counseling session with a police psychologist. It’s twelve-pages long. That’s how it’s done.

Let’s help the writer out further in the comments.

Camping and Writing Go Hand in Hand

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I’ve been an outdoorsman all my life, and camping has always been an integral part of those experiences. I’ve slept on the ground with nothing but a blanket over me and an ocean of stars stretching from horizon to horizon. I was sick that frosty night in South Dakota, and full of fever, which limited movement to only my eyeballs. Everything else hurt. Propped up against a fallen log, I could do nothing but watch the Milky Way.

I think it healed me in a way no drugs could have touched.

I’ve slept in the back of a pickup truck, wrapped in a sleeping bag, and in a canvas tent so hot the July humidity drove me out onto a concrete picnic table that felt better than any five star hotel bed. One night beside a gurgling stream, I retreated to save my life, chased there by a million mosquitoes determined so suck every drop of blood from my body. As the sun settled below the pine treetops, I peeked out the door flap and realized it wasn’t as dark as I thought. The yellow nylon was so thick with those little winged vampires, the sunset in reality was a living horde of insects.

As the years passed, we owned pop-up trailers, small campers, Class C campers, bumper pull campers, and 36-foot fifty-wheel that was larger than my first apartment. They’ve all been a learning experience, and the memories we’ve shared in those shelters still come up in pleasant recollections.

The Bride and I have pulled off into national forest campgrounds and spent both hot and cold nights in the back of our conversion van. We’ve cooked over hardwood fires, charcoal, small pump-up backpacking stoves, Coleman stoves, and even over the heat of a homemade stove made from a tin can.

It’s been so cold, that our water froze in the tent with us, so humid the breeze from a passing hummingbird felt good, and so hot we couldn’t rest. There was one sultry night in East Texas where we lay in pools of sweat, laughing at the symphony of tiny frogs that sang until an agreed-upon moment when they paused for a buffalo-size bullfrog to croke one deep bass note, and then the music continued.

So why are you telling us all this on a writer’s blog?

Because writing is much the same. You’ve found what you like doing, and that’s creating worlds that either don’t exist, or are based on a character you developed from firing synapses.

Many writers search for that magic formula to help them get words on paper and create the Great American Novel. It’s the same as what I described above, experiments and experiences that finally solidify into your own personal recipe. We all have, or had, our idea of what a writer’s life might be like, and it usually isn’t what we’ve seen on television or in the movies.

On Thursday night, the Bride and I attended a wine tasting fundraiser for my old alma mater, and I was introduced to a former Texas senator who has donated a gamebird research facility to determine while bobwhite quail numbers have dropped to alarming numbers in the past thirty or forty years. They’re working hard to bring them back to our state, and as I discussed my recent visit to the Lyon Center for Gamebird Research, he asked about being an author.

“Do you get up and write every morning?”

How many times have we heard that? “I try to write at least five pages every day. It sometimes comes early, at noon, or whenever I can find the right time to sit down and work.”

I didn’t tell him it was because I found what works for me, and what I enjoy.

A few months ago I had a long talk with a fellow bestselling author who hit the market like dynamite with her first novel. As our conversation meandered down unfamiliar trails or the same old paths authors follow when they get together, we discussed how far our manuscripts progressed in a single day. She was awed by my output, see above, and shook her head.

“I do good to write a single paragraph in a day. Sometimes I lock up on a single word and it takes forever to find the right one.”

Fine, then. That’s her working day, but like the camping discussion above (see, here’s that page a day thing), everyone is different. The only truth is that we all aspects of this world in different ways, and in terms of writing, we all have different goals. Just be inspired.

I’ve written newspaper columns on a yellow legal pad in front of a tent as lightning moved across the valley below. My best day of writing so far was one day in a 36’ fifth-wheel as rain thundered on the roof and it was impossible to go outside. It’s not where or how I produced my books, it’s the fact that I found a comfort zone somewhere that spoke to me.

There are hundreds of books on how to be a successful author out there. Read them if you want, but find the process speaks to you and follow that unexplored road, just the way the Bride and I experimented with camping, be it good or bad.

Find your comfortable place and get that first draft finished. At least put down page a day, but even that’s not for everyone. Then agonize over the post production, if you want or need to, in a figurative four-star hotel somewhere.

Quit talking about it, and over-thinking the process, and write.

Reader Friday-Those Characters Who Charm Us

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We talk a lot about characters here at TKZ.

  • Development of said.
  • Protagonists vs. antagonists.
  • Relationship-building.
  • What makes them tick.

 

But what about those characters in books and movies who are usually in a supporting role, waiting in the wings to charm us, perplex us, and teach us? I’m talking about those other species of characters–the non-human ones.

 

Here’s mine…

 

 

Real charmers, these two!

 

 

 

TKZers: What (or who) is your favorite non-human character in book or movie? 

 

 

 

 

 

 

True Crime Thursday – “Insider’s” Jury Duty Scam

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by Debbie Burke

Jury duty scams have been around for a couple of decades. Despite frequent warnings by law enforcement, the FBI, and consumer protection groups, jury duty scams continue to snare people. According to the FTC, last year they cost victims an estimated $790 million.

Scammers send an email or text message that looks as if it originates from a court. The notice claims you didn’t appear for jury duty as ordered.

Contacts are also made by phone with the caller claiming to be a U.S. Marshal. The caller ID appears genuine from a real court number. However, the number is spoofed.  

The email, text, or phone call threatens arrest unless you immediately pay a fine.

They demand payment by gift card, wire transfer, or other suspicious methods. 

All these payment forms have one thing in common: any money you send disappears into the scammer’s hands, untraceable and never to be recovered.  

Today’s True Crime Thursday case has a twist: the accused scammer sent the demand from inside a Georgia prison.

In January of this year, the U.S. Attorney’s office in Tampa, Florida, indicted Anthony Sanders  (AKA “Slanga”), 28, for conspiracy to commit wire fraud in the case of a Sarasota, Florida woman who was scammed out of more than $12,000 in a jury duty fraud. Also indicted was Sanders’ suspected accomplice, Marlita Andrews, 28, of Macon, Georgia.

According to the complaint, Sanders used an illegally-obtained cell phone to call the victim from inside the prison where he’s incarcerated. He purportedly claimed to be a U.S. Marshal and told the woman she needed to immediately pay a fine for missing jury duty or she would be arrested. He allegedly instructed her to go to a “Bonding Transition Center” and deposit $12,000 in cash to the machine.

Despite an official-sounding name, there is no such thing as a “bonding transition center.” The machine was in fact a bitcoin ATM used to buy and sell cryptocurrencies.

After the victim deposited the money, it was routed to a bitcoin wallet Andrews owned, then quickly transferred to other accounts and disappeared. 

Sanders reportedly instructed Andrews to buy pre-paid cell phones that were illegally smuggled by drone into the prison and directed her where to send the profits.  

The FTC warns that scammers sound convincing because they often know personal details about victims like date of birth, social security number, and home address.

Because of the epidemic of cyberhacking and identity theft, unfortunately our personal information is widely available on the dark web.

Courts use postal mail to make their initial contact about jury duty, NOT text or email. They may later communicate electronically but usually only after setting up a password-protected account. 

If you receive an email, text, or phone call from someone claiming to be a marshal, verify the communication by going to the court’s official website. Do NOT click on links or attachments in the email or text. Report suspected fraud to law enforcement.

If convicted, Sanders and Andrews face up to 20 years in prison. At least Sanders won’t be inconvenienced by moving since he’s already there.

~~~

TKZers – have you or someone you know been targeted by the jury duty scam?

~~~

Book Binge Bundle Coming Soon! Books 1-3 in the Tawny Lindholm Thriller series will soon be available in a box set! Three full novels for only $7.99. A lotta thrills for a low price.

Making the Best of Chance Encounters

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Making the Best of Chance Encounters
Terry Odell

Writing often means dealing with things you don’t know much about. Or anything about. Now, while I write fiction, which means I get to make stuff up, I strive to have everything in the realm of plausibility. The line between “that could never happen” and “that might happen.”

Searching the interwebs can help, but talking to real people can get you tidbits that make for a more interesting scene.

Where do you find these people? Just about anywhere, it turns out.

Online, perhaps. I was following a blog written by an army guy. I left the occasional comment, and I felt comfortable approaching him electronically with questions about terminology, and he was happy to answer, even calling me on the phone (with a very strange Caller ID number that had the Hubster wondering what was going on) to go into more detail.

Another writing acquaintance’s husband was also military, and has been willing to answer questions and make suggestion to add authenticity to my scenes.

I was participating in a Civilian Police Academy in Orlando, and after a talk by a homicide detective, I approached and asked if I could get in touch if I had questions. He said it would be fine, so I gave him a call and offered to buy him a cup of coffee. He asked if there was an Ale House near me, and if he could invite some friends. Best money I ever spent, and one of those friends (now retired) is still my go-to guy for cop stuff.

Likewise the SWAT commander who taught a workout class at the Y I belonged to. I made my “cup of coffee” suggestion, and we met at a local Starbucks (where he drank tea—not what you’d expect from a SWAT guy, but it adds character depth). Since I was writing a book set in Orlando at the time, I needed details, so I called and asked him what color the carpet and walls were in the Orlando Police Department Headquarters. Despite working there, he was clueless, but he invited me down for a tour. I was there in under half an hour. Got some great details.

I belong to an online group called Crimescenewriters, and it’s full of people in law enforcement-related fields. They’re always happy to share their expertise, and I’ve filled in many a gap with their answers. People you know, either in person or virtually. One TKZ contributor gave me plenty of information when I needed to blow something up. I’ve picked the brains of my medical professions when in their offices for appointments.

But sometimes, it’s a personal chance encounter that gives the information I need. Years ago, while visiting our son in Colorado Springs, well before we moved to Colorado, I was seated next to a couple of military guys. Given how many military facilities are in Colorado, it’s likely you’ll find several on most flights.

I am not a military person. Make Love, not War was the slogan circulating when I was in college. But, since I was writing one of my early Blackthorne, Inc. novels about a covert ops team, I needed some information about where my characters might be hiding out. The man sitting next to me went on to explain about a vast number of tunnels. Were they exactly where my scenario was taking place? Not quite, but close enough to feel comfortable writing a “that might happen” scene.

On another flight, I noticed the man next to me was reading a airplane pilot-related magazine. I asked if he was a pilot, and he said he was. I proceeded to give him a scenario and he filled in details. (Note: if you want “Bad Stuff” to happen on a flight, it’s best not to ask any of the crew.) On yet another flight, I was marking up my manuscript with my trusty red pen, and the man sitting next to me, in a pilot’s uniform, asked if I was an author.  He started that conversation, but he gave me plenty of information for the book I was working on at the time. Turned out he wasn’t just flying commercial jets, but he also had helicopter experience. More fodder.

Just last week, I was wandering the aisles of Walmart, and there was a group of firefighters shopping throughout the store. One man’s shirt said Paramedic, so I stopped and asked him if he had a moment to answer some questions. He said, “of course” and I fleshed out a troublesome scene I’d been writing. He gave me his phone number and told me to get in touch if I had more questions. I did, so we had a few text exchanges, and I think I’ve fixed that scene. Even named a character after him, with his permission, of course.)

One caveat. With any research, you should verify the information. Often, sources, be they human or cyber bots, don’t agree. For example one of my medical people told me the paramedics would probably administer a specific drug. When I asked my paramedic, he said they used to, but it’s no longer approved, and their list of “dos and donts” is updated annually.

But, that’s where the “I get to make stuff up” comes into play.

And, I’ll add that for me the hardest part of research is knowing what you don’t know. I can look up what constellations will be visible at a certain date and time at a specific locations because I know I don’t know that. But I never thought to look up whether a make and model of car came with a manual transmission option, because I thought all cars gave buyers that choice. Fortunately, one of my early readers pointed it out before it was published.

OK, TKZers, Where do you get your information when you’re stepping into waters uncharted for you. Anything you thought you knew, but turned out you were wrong?

TKZ:

New! Find me at Substack with Writings and Wanderings

Danger Abroad

When breaking family ties is the only option.

Madison Westfield has information that could short-circuit her politician father’s campaign for governor. But he’s family. Although he was a father more in word than deed, she changes her identity and leaves the country rather than blow the whistle.

Blackthorne, Inc. taps Security and Investigations staffer, Logan Bolt, to track down Madison Westfield. When he finds her in the Faroe Islands, her story doesn’t match the one her father told Blackthorne. The investigation assignment quickly switches to personal protection for Madison.

Soon, they’re involved with a drug ring and a kidnapping attempt. Will working together put them in more danger? Can a budding relationship survive the dangers they encounter?

Available now.

Like bang for your buck? I have a new Triple-D Ranch bundle. All four novels for one low price. One stop shopping here.

Terry Odell is an award-winning author of Mystery and Romantic Suspense, although she prefers to think of them all as “Mysteries with Relationships.”

How to Drill Inside Your Villain’s Head

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by Debbie Burke

Today’s post is an excerpt from my new book, The Villain’s Journey-How to Create Villains Readers Love to Hate.  

While a power drill is a gruesome staple in horror and slasher films, we’re going to take a less gory, more surgical approach to drilling inside your villain’s head.

Let’s assume most readers of The Kill Zone are not kidnappers, rapists, or murderers. That makes it difficult for us to imagine the mindset of characters who commit heinous crimes. But to write convincing villains, authors need to delve into dark places of the soul.

Here are several questions to help channel your inner villain.

Warning: don’t write down your answers. Keep them inside your head. You don’t want to incriminate yourself, right?

§  Have you ever wanted something or someone so much you didn’t care about the consequences to have it/them?

§  Have you ever done something you knew was wrong, but you wanted to please, impress, or stay connected to someone else?

§  Have you ever lied or covered up the truth to protect someone else who acted immorally or illegally?

§  Has someone ever terribly harmed you or a loved one?

§  If you could take revenge against the person who harmed you without going to prison, would you be tempted?

A defense attorney friend observed that she often related to her clients’ destructive impulses. She wondered if the difference between regular people and criminals is lack of impulse control. I think she’s right. Most people might want to act in illegal, antisocial ways but they resist the temptation.

As you create a villain, dig deep into your memory. Tap into the powerful emotions you felt when you were in the situations described above.

§  Fear?

§  Panic?

§  Rage?

§  Frustration?

§  Helplessness?

§  Not caring about the consequences?

§  What else?

Why does a particular villain interest you?

Do they remind you of a person in your past? A rotten boss? A horrible ex? A family member who abused you?

What emotions does that person evoke in you?

§  Fear;

§  Helplessness;

§  Powerlessness;

§  Resentment;

§  Jealousy;

§  Hatred;

§  Love.

Yes, love. This often occurs in abusive domestic relationships. A beaten child can love and hate the parent at the same time. A battered spouse can simultaneously love and hate the vicious mate pummeling them.

Love is a complicated emotion with many layers. Exploring those complexities in characters draws the reader in closer to your story. It becomes real because they identify with the struggle.

~~~

Have you ever instantly disliked a person? Chances are good that person reminds you of someone in your past who negatively affected you. Tap into that association to describe your villain.

Here’s another trick to develop villains:

Write down their five worst qualities. What do they think, say, or do that makes you absolutely loathe them? Here are a few examples to get started but expand on these for your character.

§  Selfish;

§  Intolerant;

§  Cruel;

§  Vicious;

§  Conniving.

Now search your memory for times that you yourself displayed any of those five worst qualities, even for a fleeting second.

§  Did you ever say or do something hurtful or cruel to someone that didn’t deserve your wrath?

§  What stopped you from continuing that negative behavior?

Next, write down the villain’s five best qualities. Here are a few starter suggestions but, as above, list additional items to fit your character.

§  Intelligence;

§  Persistence;

§  Drive;

§  Resilience in the face of setbacks;

§  Adaptability to changing circumstances;

Wait a second. Don’t those qualities sound heroic? Yes.

To be a worthy opponent for your hero, the villain should possess positive traits that parallel your hero’s.

Except in the villain, those qualities become twisted. They use their strengths to do wrong.

List specific ways that your villain’s actions harm others.

§  Write down examples of malicious or cruel behavior toward a neighbor, a child, a pet.

§  Write down three examples of malicious acts to strangers;

§  Write down three reasons they use to justify their acts.

~~~

In The Writer’s Journey, Christopher Vogler discusses:

“Facing the Shadow,” an encounter between the hero and “a deadly enemy villain, antagonist, opponent…An idea that comes close to encompassing all these possibilities is the archetype of the Shadow. A villain may be an external character, but in a deeper sense what all these words stand for is the negative possibilities of the hero himself. In other words, the hero’s greatest opponent is his own Shadow.”

 

“There but for the grace of God go I.” Whether or not one believes in higher powers, most people understand the concept. If not for chance, luck, fate, or divine intervention, we could easily be an unfortunate person trapped in tragic circumstances.

In Sympathy for the Devil, the 1968 classic Rolling Stones song, Lucifer boasts of the evil he’s wreaked through history. Yet he also claims saints and sinners are one and the same.

Most people have both good and evil inside their hearts and minds, and are capable of either. Some give into destructive impulses and act immorally or illegally. Others control the impulses and remain inside the bounds of society and law.

Yet, under the right circumstances, a noble, moral person may commit terrible atrocities, while a vicious, corrupt person may show kindness.

When you need inspiration for your villain, listen to the Stones’ song. ~~~

TKZers: How do you get into the mindset of a villain? What are your favorite tricks to drill into your antagonist’s head? 

~~~

 

Want more tips to write memorable villains? Please check out The Villain’s Journey-How to Create Villains Readers Love to Hate. 

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The Book of Proverbs & Self-Editing for Fiction Writers

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Proverbs are short sentences drawn from long experience. —Miguel de Cervantes

* * *

Note: This blog post was taken from one I posted on my own blog in 2019.

* * *

Every morning I sit down with my bowl of oatmeal and cup of coffee and read a chapter in the Book of Proverbs. I’ve been doing this for a very long time — so long, I can’t remember when I started or where I got the idea.

Now, I’m all about doing things the easy way, so since there are thirty-one chapters in Proverbs, I read the chapter whose number corresponds with the date. Therefore, I go through the entire book each month. (Okay, chapter 31 doesn’t get as much attention as it deserves, but it’s still a pretty good system.)

The thing about the Book of Proverbs that interests me is the wealth of wisdom found in its pages. Practical wisdom. A soul-searching, character-changing experience in less than five minutes every morning.

 “Good sense makes one slow to anger,
    and it is his glory to overlook an offense.” – Proverbs 19:11

 “A good name is to be chosen rather than great riches” – Proverbs 22:1a

 “Pride goes before destruction,
    and a haughty spirit before a fall.” – Proverbs 16:18

 “A dishonest man spreads strife,
    and a whisperer separates close friends.” – Proverbs 16:28

I could go on, but you get the idea. The Book of Proverbs is surely self-editing for the soul.

* * *

I may not remember exactly when I started reading the Proverbs every morning, but I remember precisely where I was when I first heard about Self-editing for Fiction Writers. I was attending a panel discussion for new authors at my first writers conference (Killer Nashville 2017.) The subject was how to improve your writing, and one of the speakers said the book Self-editing for Fiction Writers was an essential addition to any writer’s library. So I bought a copy and started reading.

Talk about practical wisdom!

“To write exposition at length … is to engage your readers’ intellects. What you want to do is to engage their emotions.” – Chapter One, “Show and Tell”

“When you make the point of view clear at the beginning of a scene, you get your readers involved right away and let them get used to inhabiting your viewpoint character’s head.” – Chapter Three, “Point of View”

“Don’t open a paragraph of dialogue with the speaker attribution. Instead, start a paragraph with dialogue and place the speaker attribution at the first natural break in the first sentence.” — Chapter Five, “Dialogue Mechanics”

“The greatest advantage of self-editing … is the kind of attention you have to pay to your own work while you’re doing the self-editing. It demands that you revise again and again until what you’ve written rings true. Until you can believe it.” – Chapter Twelve, “Voice”

This was the kind of advice I needed to self-edit my manuscript before I sent it off to a professional editor.

* * *

So TKZers: What proverb about writing has helped you? What books do you turn to in order to study the craft? What writing conferences have influenced you the most?

 

Reen Penterson is determined to find a treasure hidden by the mysterious Mr. Shadow so she’ll become rich and famous and won’t have to go to school anymore. Her father wisely advises her to think about Proverbs 30:8.

EBOOK ON SALE NOW: 99¢ on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Kobo, Google Play, and Apple Books.

 

This Week I Saved a Darling 

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by James Scott Bell
@jamesscottbell

I write thrillers. That means I major in action. But I do have a lead character who is wont to share an opinion every now and then. That’s one of the things I like about John D. MacDonald’s Travis McGee. There are times, briefly (which is the key), when McGee takes a moment to let loose on something. Here’s a bit from The Quick Red Fox:

And so we drove back to the heart of the city. San Francisco is the most depressing city in America. The come-latelys might not think so. They may be enchanted by the steep streets up Nob and Russian and Telegraph, by the sea mystery of the Bridge over to redwood country on a foggy night, by the urban compartmentalization of Chinese, Spanish, Greek, Japanese, by the smartness of the women and the city’s iron clutch on culture. It might look just fine to the new ones.

But there are too many of us who used to love her. She was like a wild classy kook of a gal, one of those rain-walkers, laughing gray eyes, tousle of dark hair –– sea misty, a little and lively lady, who could laugh at you or with you, and at herself when needs be. A sayer of strange and lovely things. A girl to be in love with, with love like a heady magic.

But she had lost it, boy.

Some object to these passages as “stopping the action.” I call it controlling the pace and deepening our bond to the lead character. 

So I wrote a paragraph of my next Mike Romeo thriller expressing an opinion. A bit later I came back to the scene and wrote another paragraph in a similar style. When I edited the first draft I saw that these two bits overloaded and overwhelmed the story. 

But they were so well written! (I humbly thought). I loved them! Which is the first clue that you have a “darling” on your hands. And we’ve all heard the old saw, “Kill your darlings!”

To me that always sounds like “Destroy your delight” or “Drown your puppies.” Yeesh! I mean, if something is your darling should your first instinct be to kill it? Sounds positively psychopathic.

A darling is at least owed a fair trial!

The phrase has its origin in a lecture on style delivered by the English writer Sir Arthur Quiller-Couch back in 1914. He said:

To begin with, let me plead that you have been told of one or two things which Style is not; which have little or nothing to do with Style, though sometimes vulgarly mistaken for it. Style, for example, is not—can never be—extraneous Ornament … [I]f you here require a practical rule of me, I will presentyou with this: ‘Whenever you feel an impulse to perpetrate a piece of exceptionally fine writing, obey it—whole-heartedly—and delete it before sending your manuscript to press. Murder your darlings.

At least Sir Arthur was honest enough to call it murder! But murder requires malice aforethought, and that is a terrible way to think about a darling.

Darlingcide should be outlawed, not encouraged!

Stephen King strikes the right balance. In his book On Writing King says the whole idea behind “kill your darlings” is to make sure your style is “reasonably reader-friendly.”

Thus, your darlings may be the very thing that distinguishes your voice from the vanilla sameness of so much writing these days, especially in the omnipresent AI epoch which we now inhabit. 

Which means sometimes a darling stays, sometimes it goes, and sometimes it gets a skillful edit. In my case, I did remove one of the paragraphs in its entirety. The other I clipped a bit, but it remains largely intact. 

It pleases me to write darlings. I do not summarily execute them. I let them sit, I look at them again, I have my wife render an opinion, and then I decide if they must go, stay, or get a loving manicure. 

And I know I’ve done good work when I can finally say, “Darling, you look marvelous!” 

Comments welcome.

Conference Words of Wisdom

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Conference and conventions can be an important part of a writer’s development, helping with craft, connecting with both readers and other authors, and recharging your creative batteries.

Last week my wife and I attended the 83rd World Science Fiction convention, held in Seattle this year. World Cons run for five days, and are packed with programming, including a writing and publishing track. Around 7700 people attended. I moderated a panel on crafting a sustainable writing career, and was also on the “Writers Workshops: The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly,” panel, and sat in the audience for a number of other panels, including an excellent one on the state of the science fiction magazine market in 2025 and another on British mysteries and what makes them different from American ones.

While I’ve been to numerous science fiction conventions and several writers conferences, my one mystery conference so far was Left Coast Crime 2024, also held in the Seattle area, which I found to be equally engaging. I had the privilege of moderating a panel and being on another one, and also met a number of fellow authors and also avid readers.

Today we revisit three posts by Michelle Gagnon, Laura Benedict and Terry Odell that provide advice on attending conferences. All three are worth reading in full and, as always, are linked from their respective dates.

  • What do I hope to get out of it? Mind you, I love hanging out with fellow writers and fans, but it’s hard to justify spending a thousand dollars over a weekend to do that (especially in this economy). So ideally, I hope to get on at least one good panel, and to network with people I haven’t met yet. There’s always a lot of debate on the lists about which conferences are worth attending, and I’m certain that everyone has a different experience. You might sell more books at smaller regional ones where you’re one of a handful of authors, whereas at larger conferences you might get lost in the shuffle. Yet at those big conferences there’s an opportunity to meet domestic and foreign editors, booksellers, and agents, and to get your name out to a larger cross-section of mystery fans.And sometimes the regional conferences are skewed toward local authors, so if you’re not from the area, you might find yourself relegated to the panel on bug detectives (not a well-attended one, in my experience). So it largely depends on what your career goals are at that given moment. Personally, I’m doing the same thing with conference attendance that I do with my financial portfolio: spreading it out between smaller conferences like Left Coast Crime (they had me at “Hawaii”) and big ones like Bouchercon (which I always seem to get a lot out of).
  • Is it a fan conference, or a writing one? Not that writers aren’t fans- we all are, obviously. But some conferences specialize in helping new authors hone their craft and pitch agents- which is invaluable for them, but I’ve discovered that at those conferences, I spend most of my time dodging requests to pass a manuscript on to my agent. I’d much rather go to a true fan conference, where most of the attendees are readers who want to meet their favorite bestselling authors, and who might be persuaded to try a new one as well.
  • Which genre does the conference emphasize? I’ve gone to a few romance conferences, and so far haven’t had much luck with those (although I know my friend Alex Sokoloff has had a much more positive experience). For me, going to RWA felt like starting over again; I didn’t know the lingo, and since romance isn’t a major component of my books, I drew a lot of blank stares. I’m considering giving Romantic Times a shot when it lands a bit closer to home, but flying to Orlando isn’t a possibility for me this April.

Michelle Gagnon—February 5, 2009

Here are some things to keep in mind if you decide to pop out of your writing cocoon and go to a conference or other gathering of industry folk:

Be confident.

This sounds difficult, I know. Sometimes you just have to fake it until you feel it. The NYT bestselling writer waiting in the coffee line ahead of you sits in front of the same blank page that you do every day, thinking, “What comes next?” You have that in common. You’re there for a reason, so act like it.

Be professional.

This is part of your job. Be sure you note the name of the person you’re talking to. It’s okay to ask, and asking is far preferable to ending up halfway through an impromptu lunch, petrified that you’ll be called on to perform introductions if someone else shows up. If small talk is required, talk about a panel or interview you just attended, or a book you recently read. Not your gallbladder, kids, or most recent tooth implant.

Be ready to learn.

Immerse yourself in the conference agenda. People who are interested in the same things you’re interested in put the panels and events together. It’s not all about networking.

Be curious.

Most people love to talk about themselves. Ask questions about their work, their pets, their hometown, their (professional) passions. Most wildly successful authors are good at making other people feel special in a short space of time. Really.

Be modest.

We’ve all gotten the FB messages: “Hey, we’re friends now. Buy my book!” Every writer wants other people to know about their work. But don’t make that your main goal. Your goal is to learn things, make new friends, and reconnect with old friends. There’s always a good time to exchange cards or bookmarks or websites. Name-dropping is a bit gauche, but allowed in small doses if it’s relevant to the discussion—or makes a better story.

Be gracious.

Be as nice to the mid-list or self-published writer standing beside you as you are to the editor you would kill to have publish you. Chances are you’ll have far more contact with that writer in your career than you will the editor. Not everything is about getting ahead. It’s about being a decent human being. Few things are uglier than people who spend their professional lives sucking up and kicking down.

Be generous.

You didn’t get to where you are as a writer all by yourself. I guarantee that someone around you has less experience. Introduce yourself to someone who looks as uncomfortable as you feel. Make them feel special. It won’t cost you anything, and the benefits are precious.

Laura Benedict—September 21, 2016

Left Coast Crime is a reader-based conference, which means the focus is on connecting writers with readers. The panels will be aimed more at “tell us about your book” and they’re a great way to meet readers and let them know what you have to offer. In a writer’s conference, a workshop on setting would tell you how important it is, and would give you a “lesson” in how to develop setting in your book. At a reader’s conference, the panel will be a discussion of where each author sets his or her books, and why they chose that setting. Same goes for characters, or genre, or anything else.

This year, I’m on a “Romance in Mystery” panel and who knows where that one will go! Ultimately, the goal is to entice readers to pick up the books, and also to let them know you’re a real, live, person. It takes a different mind-set when you attend a conference like this as an author. You’re wearing a marketing hat, not a writing hat.

However, no matter what kind of a conference you attend, there are some “survival” techniques I’ve picked up over the years, listed in no order of importance.

  1. Have copies of your receipts. Nothing like finding out they’ve lost your registration or meal choices or room reservation to start things off on a stressful note. Better to have them and not need them than to need them and not have them.
  2. Bring your own tote if you have one.Although most conferences hand out tote bags, they all look alike. If you bring one from a different conference, you’re less likely to have it picked up by mistake. (I also bring my own badge holder—the kind with compartments from another conference, just in case they give you a simple plastic one. This way, I’ve got a secure place for my badge, meal tickets, a little cash and other vitals—like business cards or bookmarks.)
  3. Don’t be afraid to meet people.It’s not required that you travel with a glued-to-the-hip companion. Take an empty seat, smile, hand over your business card, bookmark, or simple swag, and introduce yourself. This is one place where there’s an immediate conversation starter: “What do you write?” Or, in the case of a readers’ conference ‘read’? On the flip side, be polite and invite people to join you, include them in conversations. There’s a popular author who ignored me at a conference lunch table, and I haven’t bought any more of his books. Another good way to “mingle” is to volunteer. Most conferences are always looking for help.
  4. Bring comfortable clothes, especially shoes.You’ll be doing a lot of sitting, and a lot of walking, depending on how far apart the meeting rooms are. Also, bring layers. Regardless of the outside temperatures, meeting rooms can be meat-locker cold or steamy hot.
  5. Pace yourself.You’re not obligated to participate in every single event. Take breaks. Hide in your room for an hour if you need to. I long ago stopped feeling guilty about crawling into bed with a book at a decent hour. A lot of action takes place in the bar, so think about leaving some time for a visit there. Prioritize. Returning home with “conference crud”, or these days, the nasty virus, isn’t the souvenir you want.

Terry Odell—March 15, 2023

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  1. Do you attend writing / genre conferences? Do you have a favorite?
  2. If you attend a conference, what do you hope to get out of it?
  3. Any advice on getting the most out of your conference?

Reader Friday-Let’s Go To The Oscars!

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Here’s your Reader Friday assignment for today…

Pick your favorite character in your favorite book—one that has not yet been made into a movie—a book written by you or by another author.

 

Now pick an actor to play that character in the upcoming movie. Give us the name of the book, the character, and who gets the part.

And, inquiring minds want to know: Why did you choose that book, that character, and that actor?

Bonus question: Name the actress in this photo, the movie, and the year she won this Best Actress Oscar. Should be a slam-dunk for most of us…