True Crime Thursday – Fumbled Felony by Clumsy Crook

r/Wellthatsucks - a turkey on a cutting board

by Debbie Burke

Happy Thanksgiving!

Today’s True Crime occurred on the early morning of Thanksgiving 2013 when a clumsy character attempted to rob a Miami Gardens, Florida gas station.

According to reports by odee.com, CBSNews.com, and NBCMiami.com, security video shows Johnny Anton Love, then 22, entering the store armed with a 9 mm Glock. He jumps over the counter and demands money from the clerk. In the process, he drops his hat and stumbles back and forth to find it. Next he fumbles with a plastic bag, trying to open it to carry the cash.

Then he puts his gun down while he takes his time choosing candy and gum from sales displays.

The clerk remains calm, suggesting he take some beer also. While Love meanders to a cooler in the back of the store, the clerk sounds the alarm.

Love loads up the plastic bag with beer. When he exits the store, the bag busts like an overstuffed turkey. Bottles roll around the parking lot. Love is apparently preoccupied with trying to stuff his gun back in his pants and corral the escaping beer, and doesn’t notice the police officer who responded to the alarm.

He is taken into custody without incident.

The merchandise and $722 cash were recovered and Love spent Thanksgiving in jail held without bond.

Overstuffing a turkey can mean a mess to clean up and increased risk of salmonella. 

Overstuffing a plastic bag can mean arrest and jail. 

~~~

True Crime Thursday always falls on Thanksgiving, reminding me how thankful Io am to be part of The Kill Zone family and for the many writing friends I’ve met through TKZ.

Wishing you all a day of gratitude, good food, and good memories with loved ones.

The Mass Market Paperback Is Dead. Long Live Trade Paper!

By John Gilstrap

When Zero Sum, #16 in my Jonathan Grave thriller series hit the stands in 2024 as a “premium mass market paperback,” the paper copy retailed for $9.99 and the Kindle version cost $7.99. Fifteen books and as many years earlier, the standard mass market version of No Mercy, the first book in the series, retailed for $6.99, and for two weeks, the Kindle price was $0.00 before it skyrocketed to $2.99 after the promotional period expired*.

This coming February, when Scorched Earth#17 in the series is revealed to the world, it will be in a trade paper format. If you’re not familiar with the jargon, trade paperbacks have the dimensions and font size of a hardcover, but with soft covers. Paper copies will retail for $18.95 and the Kindle version will cost $9.99.

For what it’s worth, I had nothing to do with this decision, and the decision itself isn’t about greed–at least not directly. Without wallowing too deeply in the weeds, the demand for mass market paperbacks has been dwindling for years, kept alive mainly by the reprints of last year’s bestsellers by big name authors. Those were the books you’d see in grocery stores and pharmacies and airports, but the real driver for the mass market were big box stores like Walmart and Costco, both of which announced that they would no longer be stocking their shelves with mass market paperbacks, with certain exceptions, including category romances.

This change concerns me. First of all, it’s change and I hate fixing things that don’t feel broken. I’ve always lived by the mantra, “Never try to make a happy baby happier.”

Trade paper has always been the format for literary fiction. At least that was the case in the United States. Thrillers were hardcover and mass market reprints. We are all creatures of habit. Will readers who generally trend toward hardcovers be more drawn to my books because they’re larger yet still softcover? Will mass market paperback readers who’ve reserved a specific spot in their briefcases for a small book be pissed off that they now have to carry something larger?

And there’s the price. Over the years, I’ve been blessed to be able to build a devoted fan base that’s willing to spend mass market prices for my stories. Will they stay with me as the price for the handheld book doubles? I guess I’ll find out. I worry less about my eBook fans because the price increase is less drastic, but it’s still change.

Now for the exciting part . . .

The format change has provided an excuse to re-release all of my Grave series in trade paper format. No Mercy and Hostage Zero will hit the stands at the same time as Scorched Earth. While all the concerns remain, it’ll be nice to see out-of-print titles returning to the shelves.

Good news for autograph collectors. If there’s one complaint I’ve heard more than any other over the years about the mass market format is that bibliophiles who collect autographs don’t like the way small paperbacks look on their shelves. I understand that, actually. And as the man signing the autograph, I confess that I will be happy to have a larger signing area on the page.

This brings us to the importance of pre-orders. I’m not a “please buy my book” kind of guy. I figure that if you have to beg, something’s wrong. In fact, I don’t even bring books with me to sell when I teach workshops. First and foremost, I’m not set up to be a retailer and have no desire to manage another layer of taxation. But also, I figure if I do my job right, people will be inspired to buy my books from a bookstore, or to borrow them from a library.

That said, if you’re inclined to buy my books when they come out, given the expanse of this change in the way of doing business, it would be extremely helpful for you to pre-order the book through your retail outlet of choice. Whether you prefer a physical book or an eBook, preorders send a message to the publisher and the marketplace in general.

So, what say you, TKZ family? How price sensitive do you think readers are? Are you going to miss pocket-size books?

=

*I’m proud to note that No Mercy shot to the #1 free book on Amazon, “selling” over 60,000 copies during that time. When the price returned to $2.99 the book remained the #1 overall Kindle bestseller for the next week. That was a promotional gambit that worked better than I’ve ever witnessed.

When In Drought…

All I can do is read a book to stay awake. And it rips my life away, but it’s a great escape. — Blind Melon, No Rain.

By PJ Parrish

There’s a drought here in Tallahassee. My lawn is yellow. My herb garden is shriveled. The fire ants mounds are two feet high. Inside my house, the lights in my bathroom suddenly died. I can’t get the microwave to stop blinking ERROR. And my laptop mouse is acting like hamster on meth.

And my brain has stopped working. I can’t get my new short story moving again. And I couldn’t think of anything interesting to write about here today either. My husband sidled in and I whined, “I’ve got nothing to write about.”

“Well, write about that,” he said.

So here we are. I don’t believe in writer’s block. I believe in the demon laziness. But after I read Kay’s post here from last Monday on gratitude, I knew I had to stop carping and do something. So I went for a walk. Walking is my mental Senakot. When I got home, I was able to at least face my short story again. Which led me to re-realize — you forget the really simple stuff at times — that I had to go back before I could go forward. So I opened up the file and look a cold hard look at what I had written.

Which brings me back to today’s post. I know we’ve covered this a lot, but I’d like to offer up, yet again, some good ways to get yourself out of a slump:

Take a hike. Get outside and get moving. Even if it’s just 30 minutes. Which is how long it took me to go to ABC Liquor yesterday and get some Hendrick’s Floradora gin.

Write something else. I don’t have any other WIPs right now. But I have you guys. And just the process of writing this blog got my wheels unstuck from the mud. If you have other projects — a story, an free-lance article, a journal entry — switch over for a while. Fingers moving on a keyboard is a good warm-up.

Read something. For inspiration, I chose one of my favorite books, Joyce Carol Oates’ Because it Is Bitter, And Because It Is My Heart. Check out this opening paragraph:

Little Red Garlick, sixteen years old, skull smashed soft as a rotted pumpkin and body dumped into the Cassadaga River, must not have sunk as he’d been intended to sink, or floated as far. As the morning mist begins to lift from the river a solitary fisherman sights him, or the body he has become, trapped and bobbing frantically in the pilings about thirty feet offshore. It’s the buglelike cries of gulls that alert the fishman — gulls with wide gunmetal-gray wings, dazzling snowy heads and tail feathers, dangling pink legs like something incompletely hatched. The kind you think might be a beautiful bird until you get up close.

Watch Something. I get juiced by watching great movies because I learn from screenplays, specifically about how dialogue illuminates character. One of my favorites is Fargo because Marge Gunderson is such a pip. One favorite line:

Say, Lou, didya hear the one about the guy who couldn’t afford personalized plates, so he went and changed his name to J3L2404?

Take a step back. It’s vital to keep your shark-novel moving forward, lest it die. But it doesn’t hurt, when you’re stuck, to go back and re-read and maybe even re-write a little. When I faced my short story again, I realized I had veered off into a bad description ditch. I cut about 250 really lovely words. (There’s a reason they call it a short story) Pruning is vital for gardens and fiction. If you’re surrounded by briar, you can’t see the path.

Come up with an idea then do the opposite. Few of us are brilliantly original on first attempts. To get moving, we resort to stock characters, lazy description, confusing action and the obvious. If your setting is Paris, don’t authomatically plunk the hero down in the Louvre; set your scene in La Goute d’Or, the muslim enclave. Don’t make your sidekick a wizened old cop with a whiskey bottle in his desk; make her the brave tomboy George at Nancy Drew’s side. If you need a plot twist, don’t settle for smelly red herrings or cheap ticks. Oh my god, nobody shot J.R. It was all a dream! What, you mean Bruce Willis is really dead but only the kid can see him?

Phone a friend. I am lucky in that I can call my co-author sister Kelly and together we can always find a solution. Maybe your friend is a critique group pal, someone with a cold eye who wants you to suceed. If you don’t have anyone, make someone up. Picture in your head a discerning reader; would that person let you get away with cardboard characters or a cliched plot? Talk to yourself. Out loud. It’s a conversation with someone who understands you.

And finally…

Keep your butt in the chair. I am really bad at this. I will abandon my post at the first muted trumpet call of the mundane. Laundry needs folding! Dog smells, must bathe! Lights have died in the bathroom so gotta go to get a new dimmer switch! No…stay put. If you shoulder-push on that rock long enough, it will eventually start moving downhill.

Remember, no one ever finished their book while roaming the lighting aisle at Home Depot.

Dance us out, Bee Girl!

 

 

The Easiest and Most Powerful Writing Tip

I am closing on my new home today. Yay! After which, I need to finish packing before the movers arrive. So, please excuse my reposting of an article I wrote in 2021 that still holds true today.

To master the art of writing we need to read. Whenever the words won’t flow, I grab my Kindle. Reading someone else’s story kickstarts my creativity, and like magic, I know exactly what I need to do in my WIP.

“Read” is the easiest writing tip, yet one of the most powerful. And here’s why.

READING BENEFITS OUR WRITING 

  • Reading strengthens our skills and storytelling abilities.
  • Reading helps us become more persuasive, which is an essential skill when pitching a book to an agent, editor, producer, etc.
  • Fiction reading helps us hone the skills to draw the reader into the story and engage the reader.
  • Nonfiction reading helps us learn how to condense research into an authoritative proposal. And ultimately, into a storyline.
  • Reading expands our vocabulary, improves grammar, and shows how to use words in context.
  • Reading helps us find the right word!

READING IMPROVES BRAIN HEALTH 

Narratives activate many parts of our brains. In a 2006 study published in the journal NeuroImage, researchers in Spain asked participants to read words with strong odor associations, along with neutral words, while their brains were being scanned by a functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI) machine.

Brain scans are revealing what happens in our heads when we read a detailed description, an evocative metaphor or an emotional exchange between characters. Stories, this research is showing, stimulate the brain and even change how we act in life. — New York Times

Whenever participants read words like “perfume” and “coffee,” their primary olfactory cortex (the part of the brain that processes smell) lit up the fMRI machine. Words like “velvet” activated the sensory cortex, the emotional center of the brain. Researchers concluded that in certain cases, the brain can make no distinction between reading about an experience and encountering it in real life. Pretty cool, right?

4 TIPS TO READ WITH A WRITER’S EYE

1. Look for the author’s persuasion tactics.

How does s/he draw you in?

How does s/he keep you focused and flipping pages?

What’s the author’s style, fast-pace or slow but intriguing?

Does the author have beautiful imagery or sparse, powerful description that rockets an image into your mind?

2. Take note of metaphors and analogies.

How did the metaphor enhance the image in your mind?

How often did the author use an analogy?

Where in the scene did the author use a metaphor/analogy?

Why did the author use a metaphor/analogy? Reread the scene without it. Did it strengthen or weaken the scene?

In a 2012 study, researchers from Emory University discovered how metaphors can access different regions of the brain.

New brain imaging research reveals that a region of the brain important for sensing texture through touch, the parietal operculum, is also activated when someone listens to a sentence with a textural metaphor. The same region is not activated when a similar sentence expressing the meaning of the metaphor is heard.

A metaphor like “he had leathery hands” activated the participants’ sensory cortex, while “he had strong hands” did nothing at all.

“We see that metaphors are engaging the areas of the cerebral cortex involved in sensory responses even though the metaphors are quite familiar,” says senior author Krish Sathian, MD, PhD, professor of neurology, rehabilitation medicine, and psychology at Emory University. “This result illustrates how we draw upon sensory experiences to achieve understanding of metaphorical language.”

 

3. Read with purpose.

As you read, study the different ways some writers tackle subjects, how they craft their sentences and employ story structure, and how they handle dialogue.

4. Recognize the author’s strengths (and weaknesses, but focus on strengths).

Other writers are unintentional mentors. When we read their work, they’re showing us a different way to tell a story—their way.

Ask, why am I drawn to this author? What’s the magic sauce that compels me to buy everything they write?

Is it how they string sentences together?

Story rhythm?

Snappy dialogue?

How they world-build?

Or all of the above?

I don’t know about you but I’m dying to jump back into the book I’m devouring. 🙂 What’s your favorite tip?

Hope you have a nice Thanksgiving!

Does Your Novel Sag?

by James Scott Bell
@jamesscottbell

At the turn of the last century, the Second Industrial Revolution was well underway (dating roughly from the mid-19th to the mid-20th). Demographics moved from rural to urban. Cities swelled. And men faced a real problem—sagging socks.

Oh, it was fine back on the farm, when only Bessie the cow and a few scattered chickens were witnesses to sartorial sag. But for the city-dwelling male—businessmen, newspaper reporters, plainclothes cops, or any man going to a public space like a ballgame, church, or saloon—slumping hose was a real challenge. Thus arose the men’s garter business. (It would not be until the late 1930s that synthetic fiber was patented by DuPont and made possible elastic socks.)

Novels can sag, too, in five key areas. Let’s see if we can’t make them tighter and firmer, and eliminate the need for garters.

  1. The Opening

We talk a lot about opening pages here, for obvious reasons. They can make or break a potential sale. (Search our archives for First Page Critiques.) I’ve written about beginning with a disturbance. This is an automatic hook. The enemy is too much backstory and exposition.

Sag Fix: Act first, explain later. Cut out all explanatory material on the first few pages. But I need the readers to know the circumstances and set up, don’t I? No! “Exposition delayed is not exposition denied.” Readers will wait a long time for exposition if they’re caught up in a disturbance.

  1. The Delayed Doorway

The Doorway of No Return is when the Lead is forced into the “death stakes” of the novel. It’s the turning point into Act 2 and the main plot. In classic movie structure, this happens at the 1/4 mark. In a novel, I’ve found that it’s best at the 1/5 mark. But that’s too much to think about! I just want to write my story! I hate outlines!

I hear you, pantser. Keep your pants on. Write the way that makes you happy. But if you don’t know structure, all that happy creativity may be for naught. If a reader is going along and starts feeling This story is dragging, they may not stick around.

Sag Fix: Know how and where to cut or move scenes, so that the battle is joined around the 20% mark. You can look at the total word count of your first draft to figure it out. I use Scrivener with four folders: Act 1, Act 2a, Act 2b, and Act 3. Scrivener shows me the total word count in each folder.

  1. Friend Scenes

There are times when you slow the action a bit to have the Lead confer with a friend or confidante or potential ally. Often these are “eating scenes,” which has its own fixes (see How to Write an Eating Scene).

Sag Fix: You can always find a way to insert tension into a friend scene. Something inside a character is making conversation difficult. For example, your Lead doesn’t want to fully open up about something, and the friend starts to probe. Brainstorm possibilities.

  1. The Middle

Oh boy, that sagging middle! It’s a three-bear problem: Is it too cold? Too hot? Just right? Is it too short? Too long? Too boring?

It’s funny (or nerve-wracking) how so many writers report the same problem around the 20k or 30k mark. “Holy Moly! Here I am and I’ve got 60k or more words to go! Yikes! Do I have enough going on? Too much? Is it getting out of hand? Or is this thing I’m writing just a novella? Should I make this a “trunk” novel and put it away for another time? Or should I just junk it? Is this wasted effort? Where did I put the bourbon?”

There are too many ways writers get lost in the Act 2 weeds that it is beyond one section of a blog post to deal with. (Let me modestly mention that I cover the whole subject in my book Plotman to the Rescue.)

Avoid the temptation to add “padding.” By that I mean scenes you conceive just to increase word count, as opposed to scenes that are organically related to the plot.

Sag Fixes:

  • Add a true subplot. This comes in the form of an additional character who complicates the main plot for the Lead. In a thriller, it’s often a romantic or family subplot.
  • Bring in a guy with a gun. This oft-quoted piece of advice is attributed to Raymond Chandler. It of course does not mean a guy with an actual gun (unless that fits your thriller or mystery mode). It can be a character with a bombshell secret, or a link to past trauma, or a connection to the “shadow story.”
  • A corollary to Chandler’s tip is: Kill somebody. Pick a character in your draft and send the poor thing to their maker.
  • Add a societal complication. In my Mike Romeo thrillers I usually have some issue of collective madness swirling around, muddying up the plot.
  1. Anti-Climax

When the final battle has been won (or in some cases, lost), and the loose ends all accounted for, wrap it up! Don’t give us pages and pages of after-plot.

Sag Fix: Add a scene that adds resonance to the ending. This is a scene that resolves a character issue for the Lead. It should be short and sweet, as it is in my favorite Bosch, Lost Light.

She lets go of her mother’s hand and extended hers to me. I took it and she wrapped her tiny fingers around my index finger. I shifted forward until my knees were on the floor and I was sitting back on my heels. She peeked her eyes out at me. She didn’t seem scared. Just cautious. I raised my other hand and she gave me her other hand, the fingers wrapping the same way around my one.

I leaned forward and raised her tiny fists and held them against my closed eyes. In that moment I knew all the mysteries were solved. That I was home. That I was saved.

 

This fulfills Spillane’s axiom that “the last chapter sells your next book.” Connelly has sold quite a few. Go thou and do likewise.

What plot sags have you encountered? What do you do about them?

The Plunge

When I was a kid, the historical aspect of Six Flags over Texas was an absolute treat. I was a history buff even back in elementary school and absorbed everything I could find about Davy Crockett, Daniel Boone, and of course, local history. By the time seventh grade rolled around and I found myself in the mandatory Texas History class, I’d read everything about the settlers, the Alamo, and Texas independence.

The Six Flags theme park was based on the six nations that have governed the territory of Texas, starting with Spain, France, Mexico, the Republic of Texas, the Confederate States of American and the United states. When it opened in 1961, the six nations of historical influence had their own specific areas that reflected those past cultures.

As the years passed, the park’s theme shifted in focus from historical accuracy to pure family entertainment, though the different regions still remain in place and the architecture and sense of place still remain. Until recently, a few of the original rides remained, particularly the Log Ride and the Runaway Mine train.

It was my favorite ride until I became afflicted by vertigo.

Maybe you remember View-Masters, children’s stereoscopes that were popular in the 1960s. When you were in one of the many Six Flags souvenir shops designed to separate visitors from even more their money, you could buy a set of the discs with photos of the rides.

We were in one of those shops filled with the delicious aroma of leather in the late 60s and I picked up one of the sample viewers on display. After flicking the side lever a couple of times with a forefinger, I came across a photo of my family on the ride a couple of years earlier. Unfortunately, the Old Man wouldn’t buy the set, but I remember how cool it was to know we were “famous.”

The Runaway Mine train was a small version of the popular giant rollercoaster rides at the fair, but it was an experience on steroids. While big rollercoasters’ pacing was a long, slow ride to the first big drop, the mine train started much faster, and after the initial dive, it became manic.

The turns and drops were incessant, snapping riders back and forth. We barely had time to catch our breath before something else happened. An abrupt twist, drop, sudden neck-snapping elevation to a quick, short, breathtaking plunge until, finally, it leveled off to take passengers through an “abandoned” old west town.

This gave riders a break in order to catch our hearts slow down, dizziness to pass, and to catch our breath. The train cars went through a haunted saloon, complete with cowboy skeletons playing cards and a few leaning against the bar. Humor designed to give the passengers a rest.

Then came an abrupt, steep drop, a bend, another turn, up, down, and finally, the long, slow level track to our starting point. A quick internet search revealed the ride was only one minute and fifty seconds. And for that, we stood in line upwards to two hours.

The ride was all about thrills, and pacing, which brings us (finally) to my topic of the day, pacing, or the speed at which a story unfolds. You, the author, are in control of your reader’s experience, be if fast or slow.

I prefer fast-paced books, but that’s today. Back in the Olden Days–––

When was that, Grandpa?

––– in the 1960s and 70s, when I was reading Robert Ruark (1950s-early 60s releases), K.B. Gildner’s Hurry Sundown (1964), any James Michner (1960s-80s). Those old classics didn’t develop quickly, and readers waded through a hundred pages of setup and backstory before the plot accelerated.

Times and tastes have changed, and today’s authors are in a gunfight for attention due to the enormous volume of releases each month, so we need to advance our pacing. That comes through structural choices such as the length of scenes and sentence structure, and of course, timing.

Many authors begin their novels in the wrong place, as has been discussed at length in forum. Too much setup at the outset can lose readers faster than a toddler will get lost in Walmart.

We can increase pacing through dialogue. Read Elmore Leonard for tutorials on past-paced action scenes and snappy dialogue. Think about it, when you see pages of long, long paragraphs, you mind natural slows you down. With quick dialogue and lots of white space and a page visually less dense, the eye blazes across the written field and soon the reader is absorbed into the exchange that feels as if we’re there in the room with those characters.

This is a perfect time for character development.

The first sentence sets the tone, (that first breath-taking drop on the runaway mine train). Start your story in the middle of the action to hook the reader. Imagine you’re standing in a bookstore and pick up a Michner novel (and I love the guy, so not taking any shots here) and a modern thriller. Micher has a long setup. Today’s authors start with a gunshot, or in the case of a C.J. Box novel, two rednecks and a rocket launcher.

Boom. There it is.

After that, the rhythm and flow pulls us into the narrative. A quick burst of action is followed by narrative, character interaction, and the chapter(s) which establish the storyline. Now we’re on that runaway mine ride.

Another drop, something exciting happens, and our protagonist is thrust into danger, or a dangerous situation. Tension rises, (another expectation of acceleration as the chain rattles beneath the mine train on the lift hill) dialogue brings us backstory and the characters’ motivation. A character arc rises, and readers become engaged in the plot and motivation.

We’re almost to the top of the crest.

If the pace slows too much there, be careful, or you’ll lose your reader engagement.

Another breath-stealing drop. An action-packed scene, and quick-moving plot points create urgency and excitement. This is a great time for humor to give us a rest, not unlike the abovementioned haunted saloon. (Please attempt humor only if you’re good at it).

The story builds again, another rise, (we look forward to see nothing but sky on the next lift hill) and we know another stomach-rising drop is coming soon.

The second act is always a challenge to write, so authors build even more tension here and find reasons to push the protagonist forward. The use of longer, descriptive scenes builds tension (anticipating the next downhill plunge) and more character development leads to an increasingly hair raising emotional impact.

Then, comes the third act and the final build toward the huge acceleration that should be followed by a sharp turn, or twist.

It is there that my own chapters shorten, a trick I learned from my first editor. Short chapters increase the pacing and keeps the reader turning the pages. You wouldn’t believe how many readers tell me they stay up late with my novels, thinking they’ll read just one more chapter and then realize it goes by so fast they want to read just one more.

Then another

Then another.

It’s like eating potato chips, the chapters are quick and satisfying.

Short sentences. Fast dialogue. Action packed scenes. Here there’s no relief! No long smooth track through the ghost town. We’re on the downhill nose-dive, folks, and we need the payoff now!

Then the reward. The final descent. For those of you who like casinos, think the slot machine rattling silver dollars into a metal catch pan designed to amplify the noise. Check the clock. Midnight? Wait! Only two more extremely short chapters!!!??? I can finish it tonight!

Sigh. Close the book. Put it on the nightstand. Click off the light. Ahhhh. Relief and satisfaction.

Here, there be rest.

 

 

Reader Friday-Digging Deep

If you had to choose, which amongst the range of human senses is the one most likely to dredge up memories (good or bad) in that RAM called your brain?

 

 

There are five basic senses: sound, smell, touch, sight, and taste. 

Here’s my example of a good memory, evoked by music:

Hearing CCR on the radio transports me right back to my carefree college days in southern California when I didn’t have a worry in the world. When the studying was done, my friends and I would pile into a light blue ‘60s-something VW bug–it’s amazing how many teenagers you can stuff into one of those–and head for the beach for a little body surfing.


The character-building skill of using the five senses to tell a story is an important one to develop, and is much-discussed here at TKZ.

When I wrote No Tomorrows, I had to dig deep into my fear of losing a child. My parents lost two, my younger brother to a traffic accident and my younger sister, five years later, to suicide. There are sights and sounds in my world today that bring those dreadful memories careening back into my consciousness.

In No Tomorrows, Annie faces that same fear when she loses track of her small daughter in the park. As I wrote the scene, I put her shoes on my feet as she raced around the park, frantically calling Nora’s name. It was a difficult section for me to write. But as I relived my memories and looked my own fear of the death of a child square in its ugly face, Annie became flesh and blood, and in a way her fear took the teeth out of my own monsters.

Your turn! Which of the five senses takes you back in time, or causes you to remember a person from your past, or evokes a feeling of comfort?

 

 

How deep will you go into your own RAM to create a character who will resonate with your reader?

As a reader, which sense/emotion connects you to the story/character the quickest?

 

 

 

 

A Lighthearted Look at Writing

A Lighthearted Look at Writing
Terry Odell

I’ve had editing on my mind lately. The process with my editor is I send her my “best I can make it” file, which she returns with her feedback. I make the adjustments as I see fit and send it back.

I’ve just returned my second round of edits, and I’ve also gone through the tedious process of letting my computer read the manuscript to me, which reveals things we’ve both missed. In this phase, it’s less about the story and more about accuracy. The eyes glaze over.

I stumbled across this piece buried in my hard drive. The closest I came to finding its origin was William Safire, Fumblerules: A Lighthearted Guide to Grammar and Good Usage , New York Times, November 4, 1979; later also published in book form. Most sources gave credit to “Anonymous.”

Although the piece is designed to be humorous, the points made are legitimate considerations to make while writing and editing.

How to write English

Remember to never split an infinitive. The passive voice should never be used. Do not put statements in the negative form. Don’t use contractions in formal writing, and don’t use no double negatives. It is incumbent on one to avoid archaisms. Proofread carefully to see if you words out or incorect speling. It has come to our considered attention that in a large majority of cases, far too many people use a great deal more words than is absolutely necessary when engaged in the practice of writing sentences. If you reread your work, you can find on rereading a great deal of redundant repetition can be removed and eliminated by rereading and editing.

A writer must not shift your point of view. If the writer is considerate of the reader, he won’t have a problem with ambiguous sentences. Don’t write a run-on sentence its hard to read you must punctuate it. If a dependent clause precedes an independent clause put a comma after the dependent clause. But avoid commas, that are not necessary, and don’t overuse exclamation marks!!! Use the semicolon properly, always use it where it is appropriate; and never where it isn’t. Reserve the apostrophe for it’s proper use and omit it when its not needed. In statements involving two word phrases, make an all out effort to use hyphens, but make sure you hyp- henate properly.

Take the bull by the hand and avoid mixing metaphors. Always pick on the correct idiom. Avoid colloquial stuff, and trendy locutions that sound flaky. Also, avoid all awkward or affected alliteration. Unqualified superlatives are the worst of all. Beware of and eschew pompous prolixity, and avoid the utilization of enlarged words when shortened ones will do. Avoidification of neologisms strengthenifies your prosification. Avoid using sesquipedalian words. It is not resultful to transform one part of speech into another by prefixing, suffixing, or other alterings. Perform a functional iterative analysis on your work to root out third generation transitional buzz words. Steer clear of incorrect forms of verbs that have snuck into the language. The de facto use of foreign phrases vis-a-vis plain English in your written tete-a-tetes makes the sentence harder to understand.

Everyone should be careful to use a singular pronoun with singular nouns in their writing. Place pronouns as close as possible, especially in long sentences, as of 10 or more words, to their antecedents. Writing carefully, dangling participles must be avoided. If any word is improper at the end of a sentence, a linking verb is. Write all adverbial forms correct. Verbs has to agree with their subjects, and the adverb always follows the verb. This sentence no verb. Which is not a complete sentence, but merely a subordinate clause. A preposition is something you should never end a sentence with. And don’t start a sentence with a conjunction.

Last but not least, avoid dyed-in-the-wool cliches like the plague; seek viable alternatives.

OK, TKZers. Sometimes it’s nice to take a break, right?


New! Find me at Substack with Writings and Wanderings

Deadly Ambitions
Peace in Mapleton doesn’t last. Police Chief Gordon Hepler is already juggling a bitter ex-mayoral candidate who refuses to accept election results and a new council member determined to cut police department’s funding.
Meanwhile, Angie’s long-delayed diner remodel uncovers an old journal, sparking her curiosity about the girl who wrote it. But as she digs for answers, is she uncovering more than she bargained for?
Now, Gordon must untangle political maneuvering, personal grudges, and hidden agendas before danger closes in on the people he loves most.
Deadly Ambitions delivers small-town intrigue, political tension, and page-turning suspense rooted in both history and today’s ambitions.

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Terry Odell is an award-winning author of Mystery and Romantic Suspense, although she prefers to think of them all as “Mysteries with Relationships.”

First Page Critique – This Uneasy Place

by Debbie Burke

Today, let’s welcome another Brave Author who submitted a first page entitled This Uneasy Place. The genre is described as speculative with horror elements. Please read then we’ll discuss on the flip side.

~~~

Lennie was about to give up sifting through the book from the Dwyton estate when she found it. A stray envelope. Fountain pen writing and a green halfpenny stamp, dated close to a century ago. But empty, by the looks of it.

She picked up the envelope to set aside for the customer who’d been searching for that very stamp for years – he’d be tweedy, about seventy, with smeary glasses and a smile of yellowed teeth, and he’d have fluttered into her bookshop on a whim, shaking his mammoth umbrella and hee-hawing gamely about British summers – and a letter lay folded beneath it.

A squeak escaped her. Tweedy old guy vanished. Crowds materialised instead, salivating over the letter and its illuminating contents, or important writer, or… Lennie picked through two pages covered with spikes and curls of Edwardian handwriting.

…I cannot impart to you by words alone how unshakeably (and rather unnervingly) Loweheaf village believes in old superstitions…

She called past antiquated spines of calfskin, sheepskin, goatskin, aged hardback, paperback, musty velvet, on rows of bookshelves bathed in low-watt fluorescence, to where Ollie, her boyfriend, stood, his cigarette hand suspended out of the bookshop’s open door. Traffic hissed through pools of rain from the latest deluge of June’s utter drenchfest. The smell of wet London pavements intruded on the chocolatey fragrance of her mother’s shop. Her shop, now, yes. But her mother the silent partner in her head.  ‘Hey, look at this letter.’

‘Letter? Savill’s making you a reasonable offer, again? Foxton’s? Or is it John D. Wood you’re turning down this time?’

Hilarious. No estate agent was going to get its claws her mother’s shop. She still had time, still had enough money to keep it going. Before that ran out, there’d be a turning point.

…old superstitions…legendary creatures included…Surely not in 1909? Not when the industrial age had seen off phantoms of old beliefs, shone electricity into dark corners, sent behemoths roaring and seething on rail tracks to upstage childhood monsters.

 ~~~

I found this piece intriguing yet frustrating. The mystery of a century-old letter caught my attention. So did the humorous, somewhat caustic voice. But I got lost in long, convoluted, parenthetical sentences and wandering descriptions that held promise but led to dead ends.  

There were wonderful turns of phrase and descriptions like:

“he’d be tweedy, about seventy, with smeary glasses and a smile of yellowed teeth, and he’d have fluttered into her bookshop on a whim, shaking his mammoth umbrella and hee-hawing gamely about British summer.”

This character leapt to vivid life in my imagination, yet it turned out he wasn’t even the point of the sentence. Maybe he’ll reappear later in the story. I hope so. But for now, he was a disappointing dead end.

I had to chop through bramble-bush narrative to find the actual point: Lennie found an old envelope with a rare, interesting stamp and a letter, tucked inside a book from an estate collection.

“A squeak escaped her. Tweedy old guy vanished. Crowds materialised instead, salivating over the letter and its illuminating contents, or important writer, or… “

Now I’m thoroughly lost.

Was the tweedy guy physically present? Did he vanish in a poof of smoke? Or was he only a memory?

Where did crowds come from? Are they pushing inside the bookshop? Why are they salivating? What illuminating contents? Which important writer?

The visual detail about the letter is lovely: “two pages covered with spikes and curls of Edwardian handwriting.”

But the mysterious warning about “old superstitions” gets buried under a rambling 37-word sentence about “calfskin, sheepskin, goatskin, aged hardback, paperback, musty velvet on rows of bookshelves bathed in low-watt fluorescence…”

As a description of the shop, it’s vivid, sensory, and beautiful. I’d like to get lost in this cool old bookstore.

But a reader shouldn’t get so lost that they’re unable to follow what’s happening.

After three readings, I finally got the gist of this page. It’s a rainy June in London. Lennie’s mother died and left Lennie a store full of antique books from estates. Her boyfriend Ollie smokes but is thoughtful about holding his cigarette out the door. His jibes about estate brokers indicate he thinks she’s being unrealistic about the business’ prospects, but she doesn’t want to sell the shop because it’s her mother’s legacy.

Apparently, Lennie has a fantasy that she’s going to discover valuable documents hidden among the musty old books. Then historians and collectors will offer her lots of money for the treasure, enabling her to continue to operate the store.

A 1909 letter about old superstitions in Loweheaf village may be the treasure she’s been hoping for.

At least I think that’s what’s going on.

The style has a distinct British voice that sets the appropriate tone and mood. However, style shouldn’t overwhelm the plot and make the reader work to decipher what’s relevant amid extraneous (although beautiful) description.

Brave Author, this page is frustrating because your writing has exquisite sensory detail and a lush style that should be preserved.

However, you need to shorten sentences so they’re comprehensible.

Journalists are warned: “Don’t bury your lede.” Unfortunately, you’ve done that.

I’m guessing you’re well into the story to the point where you’re so familiar with Lennie’s voice that she sounds completely natural to you. But a fresh reader needs to get accustomed to her voice before they can grow comfortable with it.

You may intend Lennie to be an unreliable narrator who drifts between fantasy and reality. If so, you still need to first ground the reader in reality. If Lennie engages in flights of fantasy, give the reader more clues.

Here’s a suggested rearrangement:

The spikes and curls of Edwardian handwriting in the letter made her squeak with excited curiosity. One particular sentence sounded compelling: …I cannot impart to you by words alone how unshakeably (and rather unnervingly) Loweheaf village believes in old superstitions…

Could this be the discovery she’d dreamed of? Tweedy old guy vanished from her imagination. In his place, crowds of eager historians and collectors materialized, salivating over the letter and bidding on the illuminating contents from an important writer, or…

Lennie called to her boyfriend Ollie, “Hey, look at this letter.”

Ollie stood at the front of the shop by the open door holding his cigarette outside. 

Traffic hissed through pools of rain from the latest deluge of June’s utter drenchfest. The smell of wet London pavements intruded on the chocolatey fragrance of her mother’s shop. Her shop, now, yes. But her mother the silent partner in her head.

Ollie extinguished his cigarette and sauntered toward her, past rows of shelves lined with antiquated book spines of calfskin, sheepskin, goatskin, aged hardback, paperback, musty velvet. Low-watt fluorescence bathed the interior.

‘Letter?’ he asked. ‘Savill’s making you a reasonable offer, again? Foxton’s? Or is it John D. Wood you’re turning down this time?’

Hilarious. No estate agent was going to get its claws her mother’s shop. She still had time, still had enough money to keep it going. Before that ran out, there’d be a turning point. Her concentration returned to the letter.

…old superstitions…legendary creatures included…Surely not in 1909? Not when the industrial age had seen off phantoms of old beliefs. By then, electricity shone light into dark corners of ignorance. Fanciful childhood monsters had been upstaged by progress with iron behemoths roaring and seething on rail tracks.

 

Brave Author, as harsh as some of my comments sound, the fixes are easy.

Shorten sentences. Read the page out loud to someone else. One hint that a sentence is too long is if you run out breath reading it. Ask the listener if they can understand the meaning. Are they confused? If so, rewrite until it’s clear to them.

Most important, don’t bury the lede. Lennie’s excited about the possible answer to her dilemma. Fit the superb descriptions of the shop around that lede. Descriptions should enhance the story, not overshadow it.

You’re a skilful writer with a wonderful eye for specific details. You can make this story compelling without much rewriting.

Thanks for submitting This Uneasy Place and wishing you good luck with it.

~~~

TKZers: what are your impressions of Lennie’s shop and the mysterious letter? Any suggestions for the Brave Author?

~~~

 

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How Gratitude Helps Writers

“Gratitude is the sign of noble souls.” – Aesop

* * *

Many years ago, when my husband and I were just newlyweds, I came home from work one night and complained about something. I honestly don’t remember what it was. Maybe it was something I wanted but didn’t have, or maybe it had to do with work. Whatever the reason, I wasn’t happy about it.

Now I’m not normally a dissatisfied person. I’m more of a glass-half-full type, but I guess I was tired and out-of-sorts, and I let hubby know it.

My husband is a guy who loves math and science, and he’ll use any excuse in a conversation to bring up something that has to do with numbers. Percentages are especially dear to him, and Frank dropped a number into our conversation that night that wasn’t just informational—it was a game changer. He said (very matter-of-factly), “Don’t you realize you have more than 99 percent of the people on Earth?”

I’m not sure about the number he used, but his point was well taken. I was grumbling about some minor thing and missing all the majors. My glass wasn’t just half-full. It was overflowing.

I can’t say I’ve never griped about anything else since then, but that conversation made me acutely aware of how fortunate I am. And that knowledge makes each Thanksgiving season a meaningful reminder to count my blessings.

Why is Gratitude Good for You?

I’ve written about gratitude before on TKZ when I referred to findings by Dr. Robert Emmons from the University of California, Davis. Dr. Emmons is a leading expert on the science of gratitude. In his article “Why Gratitude is Good,” he lists a wealth of benefits experienced by people who regularly practice giving thanks. Some of these are

  • Stronger immune systems
  • Lower blood pressure
  • Better sleep
  • Higher levels of positive emotions
  • Relationship strengthening
  • Feeling less lonely and isolated
  • Increased daily word count in their writing (Okay, I made that last one up, but it’s probably true.)

Does Gratitude Help Writing?

As a matter of fact, it does. I found another article by Dr. Emmons in UC Berkeley’s Greater Good Magazine where he addresses the creativity aspect of gratitude. While his article was specifically about gratitude in the work environment, its conclusions on the subject of creativity apply to everyone.

Beyond the social sphere of work, gratitude also drives enhanced performance in the cognitive domain: Grateful people are more likely to be creative at work. Gratitude promotes innovative thinking, flexibility, openness, curiosity, and love of learning.

Emmons goes on to observe that researchers at the University of Zurich observed

grateful people were likely to be “idea creators”: successful with developing new and innovative ideas and reaching solutions in unconventional ways.

So it would seem that gratitude is the key to creativity, and creativity is the gateway to writing great novels.

Ted Talk about Gratitude

In addition to all the above, I watched an entertaining Ted Talk given by Shawn Achor on the role of gratitude in achieving success. I’ve embedded the talk below. It’s worth the twelve-minute investment, but if you don’t have the time, here’s a list of things Achor mentions that you can do daily to achieve that state of happiness and creativity. (Notice that naming three things you’re grateful for every day is first on the list.):

Here’s the Ted Talk:

HAPPY THANKSGIVING! 

* * *

So TKZers: What three things are you grateful for today?

* * *

Three things I’m grateful for:

  1. Having the time and resources to write.
  2. Friendships I’ve made within the writing community.
  3. Characters Reen and Joanie, the sharpest kid detectives ever, who won’t quit until they find the truth. (Click the image to go to the series page.)