Category Archives: Writing

The Two Types of Status

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When you’re developing a character, how much thought do you put into their status? If you’re like me, probably not a lot of concentrated effort. I have a good handle on their personality, looks, motives, dreams, fears, desires, insecurities, strengths, quirks, and smarts or stupids, but I don’t flesh out their status—at least not consciously. I tend to let that evolve or stand on its own.

I follow Sahil Bloom, a thought leader and motivator, who has significantly grown his audience in the past year. Sahil hosts a site called The Curiosity Chronicle and has a twice-weekly newsletter with some great content. On Tuesday, his subject was How to Play the Right Status Games citing the difference between “bought status” and “earned status”.

The status subject hit home to me about a recent decision. It was time to buy a replacement vehicle for our old Suzuki hatchback. I hinted to my wife, Rita, that we should splurge and finance a new Range Rover. That didn’t go over well.

“That is nothing but a status symbol. It’s like those leased Beamer SUVs Karens drive,” Rita said. “They’re for people who want to be seen. What? Do you want to start hanging around Starbucks, too?”

Rita made a point. We cash-purchased a low mileage, Kia four-door sedan and grabbed a McDonalds coffee for the ride home.

I flashed back to that Rover moment when I read Sahil’s column and felt it was worth a share on the Kill Zone. So, I sent him an email to which he quickly responded. With full attribution to Sahil Bloom and his kind republishing permission, here’s the piece.

How to Play the Right Status Games by Sahil Bloom

There are two types of status:

Bought Status is the improved social positioning garnered through acquired status symbols:

·         The expensive car, watch, handbag, or jewelry acquired for the sole purpose of showing others your financial wealth

·         The club membership that makes you a part of the scene

·         The private plane flight or boat trip taken more for the Instagram photo than for the utility

Bought Status is fleeting. It may improve your relative position, but only until the next level is unlocked and you’re right back at the bottom. It will keep you trying to enter what author C.S. Lewis famously referred to as the inner ring:

“As long as you are governed by that desire you will never get what you want. You are trying to peel an onion; if you succeed there will be nothing left.”

Earned Status, however, is the real respect, admiration, and trust received through hard-won treasures:

·         The freedom to choose how to spend your time (and whom to spend it with)

·         The healthy, loving relationships made possible by years of present energy

·         The purpose-imbued work and mastery within a domain, built through years of effort

·         The wisdom accumulated through decades of lived experience

·         The adaptable mind shaped through a steady mindfulness practice and thoughtful introspection

·         The strong, fit physique built through hours of movement and disciplined eating

·         The professional promotion or company sale achieved after an extended period of hard work in the dark

Earned Status is lasting.

It will elicit the durable respect, admiration, and trust that you seek from the people who matter to you, those whose opinions you value and cherish.

Earned Status is what we should all be after.

The Status Game Tests

Here are two simple tests you can use to assess the games you are playing:

The Bought-Status Test

Would I buy this thing if I could not show it to anyone or tell anyone about it?

If the answer to this question is NO, you’re playing a Bought Status Game.

Asking this question cuts through the noise to determine if the item itself provides happiness or utility, or if its sole purpose is to signal your success or achievement to others.

The Earned-Status Test

Could the richest person in the world acquire the thing I want by tomorrow?

If the answer to this question is NO, you’re playing an Earned Status Game.

The world’s richest people cannot build a loving relationship any faster than you. They cannot forge a healthy mind and body any faster than you. None of them can buy their way to expertise, wisdom, or purpose.

Playing the Right Games

Status games are a part of life.

They are critical for establishing your position in the relative hierarchies that govern your personal and professional worlds.

You will never escape them—you simply need to play the right ones.

Remember: In your work, relationships, and life, focus on what must be earned, not what can be bought.

*   *   *

Thanks to Sahil Bloom at The Curiosity Chronicle whose new book The Five Types of Wealth is about to be released.

Kill Zoners — How much attention do you pay to developing your characters’ status?

Good Book Followup and Writing News

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Good Book Followup and Writing News
Terry Odell

Last time, I talked about a book I read because it was a book club choice, and gave my reasons for not liking it despite all the accolades it had received. Last week, our book club met. (Note, the club’s name is Wine, Women and Words. Needless to say, we enjoyed our libations as we discussed the book. And there’s food, too.)

There were eleven of us present. Most of us are well beyond our 50s. I may have mentioned previously that one of the reasons (beyond the wine) that I enjoy our meetings is because it’s a good look at how “readers” read, which is very different from the way authors read.

Our discussion was lively, and opinions were widespread. Some loved character X (I think there were 7 POV characters, all female), others disliked her, and often for totally different reasons. Some liked the way the timelines bounced around from decade to decade, others complained that a character’s thread was abandoned until much later in the book. At the end of our discussion, which went on much longer than usual, everyone scores the book from 1 (terrible) to 10 (loved it) and gives reasons, which in this case ranged from “I was a camp counselor, so I could relate to that part of the book,” to “I thought the ending was totally unrealistic,” to “I didn’t like the time jumps,” to “Why didn’t any of the POV characters stand up for themselves?” The last one led to more discussion, because she eventually did stand up for herself, but then did something everyone thought was totally stupid at the end of the book.

The book’s average score was 6.5, with nothing higher than a 7, which is unusual for our group. Usually there are 8s, and often a few 9s. I don’t recall ever seeing someone rank it a 10 or a 1, but I haven’t been a member as long as many in the group, and my memory isn’t that great these days.

Does not liking a book make it a ‘bad’ book? Does liking it make it ‘good?’ I confess I was surprised to see that this book is a finalist for a major mystery award. Given the judges are all authors made it all the more surprising to me, but apparently they’re seeing things differently. And isn’t that what it’s all about?

Now, a little on the writing front.

I have a title! For me, that’s one of the last things I manage to come up with. Danger Abroad.

And a tag line: When breaking family ties is the only option.

I sent my cover designer potential backgrounds for the book from the pictures I took in the Faroes. I might share the process in a later post, once everything is finalized. For now, this is the image she’s working with, and she’ll apply her artistic talents to making it appropriate for a book cover.

Picture of the Vagar Waterfall, blowing from the wind.

I’ve gone through my manuscript from my printout, run it through SmartEdit, and it’s almost ready to send. I have a tendency to start sentences with But, I overuse back and there are a lot of unnecessary thats. In the adverb department, only was another culprit. My critique partners are just past the halfway point, and despite all my efforts, they’re finding little glitches. If the manuscript was perfect, I wouldn’t need an editor, right?

I’ve started bits and pieces of the dreaded marketing process. As I read through the manuscript, I made notes of potential quotes to use in promotion. Then, using Canva, I can turn them into little promo images, such as this one.

quote from Danger Abroad by Terry Odell

Another source I use is Mockup Shots, which will create images using your book cover. Although they have ways to manipulate the images, I’ve found I’m more comfortable taking them over to Canva, since I’ve been using it longer and am familiar with its menus.

I also have to come up with the description for the distribution sites.

Somehow, writing the book is easier for me than distilling it down to its essence. As an indie author, I am glad I no longer have to deal with query letters and synopses, although the book description is similar. The big difference, for me, is that the description doesn’t have to cover the whole book. I prefer not to mention anything that shows up after the fifth chapter, and usually try to have it not go beyond chapter three.

This is what I have so far. (It’s a romantic suspense.)

Madison Westfield has information that could short-circuit her politician father’s campaign for governor. But he’s family. Although he was a father more in word than deed, she changes her identity and leaves the country rather than blow the whistle. All seems fine until her father hires Blackthorne, Inc. to find her. All they have to go on is that her passport was used at the airport in Copenhagen.

Logan Bolt is happiest when he’s designing security systems for Blackthorne’s wealthy clients. When the latest installation in Copenhagen keeps him from receiving the last text his sister would ever send, he uses his vacation time to find out more about her death. Because he’s already there, Blackthorne taps him to track down Madison. When he finds her in the Faroe Islands, her story doesn’t match the one her father told Blackthorne. The investigation assignment quickly switches to personal protection for Madison.

Madison’s not convinced she needs protection, but learning her father wants her found has her reluctantly accepting Logan’s bodyguard duty. She thinks of herself as being Logan’s ball and chain, but they slowly learn that working together benefits both of them. Soon, they’re involved with a drug ring and a kidnapping attempt. Will working together spark a relationship?

Comments welcome on any aspect of this post.

New! Find me at Substack with Writings and Wanderings

Double Intrigue
When your dream assignment turns into more than you bargained for
Cover of Double Intrigue, an International Romantic Suspense by Terry Odell Shalah Kennedy has dreams of becoming a senior travel advisor—one who actually gets to travel. Her big break comes when the agency’s “Golden Girl” is hospitalized and Shalah is sent on a Danube River cruise in her place. She’s the only advisor in the agency with a knowledge of photography, and she’s determined to get stunning images for the agency’s website.
Aleksy Jakes wants out. He’s been working for an unscrupulous taskmaster in Prague, and he’s had enough. When he spots one of his coworkers in a Prague hotel restaurant, he’s shocked to discover she’s not who he thought she was.
As Shalah and Aleksy cruise along the Danube, the simple excursion soon becomes an adventure neither of them imagined.

Like bang for your buck? I have a new Mapleton Bundle. Books 4, 5, and 6 for one low price.

Terry Odell is an award-winning author of Mystery and Romantic Suspense, although she prefers to think of them all as “Mysteries with Relationships.”

The Comic Villain

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Photo credit – Pexels, cottonbro studio

by Debbie Burke

@burke_writer

 

Why do we love comic villains?

In a real world full of genuinely evil villains, comic villains are a welcome relief because they make us laugh.

Humor is their superpower. They literally and figuratively DIS-ARM us. As reprehensible as their actions are, we can’t be all that angry with them because we’re laughing too hard.

Comic villains are like the bratty little kid caught stealing sweets. They are more often impish than truly malicious.

Readers and movie viewers typically don’t take comic villains seriously because they’re often lousy criminals. They’re buffoons whose sloppy schemes go awry. Their supposedly clever strategies explode in their faces. Their mistakes get them knocked on their butts.

The crime they set out to accomplish rarely succeeds. When they’re caught, they try to explain their way out with silly rationalizations and hilarious justifications.

Because comic villains are so unskillful at their profession, they reassure us that bad guys will be caught and held accountable for their crimes. Yet, because they’re entertaining, we don’t wish harsh punishment on them.

American author O. Henry (1862-1910) created a pair of memorable comic villains in “The Ransom of Red Chief,” a short story first published in 1907 in the Saturday Evening Post. I wrote about it here.

Bill and Sam are two smalltime criminals who concoct a ransom scheme to earn quick, easy money. They kidnap the 10-year-old son (nicknamed “Red Chief”) of a wealthy businessman and hold the kid for $2000 ransom. But Red Chief proves to be a “forty-pound chunk of freckled wildcat” who torments his captors so viciously that they soon reduce the ransom amount.

Turns out Red Chief’s father doesn’t particularly want his son back and makes a counteroffer. Ultimately, instead of getting rich quick, Bill and Sam pay the father $250 to take the brat off their hands.

Danny_DeVito_by_Gage_Skidmore cc by sa3.0

Kidnapping plots gone awry became popular films, including Ruthless People (1986), starring Danny DeVito and Bette Midler; Raising Arizona (1987) with Nicholas Cage and Holly Hunter; and Dog Eat Dog (2016), Cage again and Willem Dafoe.

Film is a natural medium to showcase comic villains because humor depends a lot on timing, facial expressions, and gestures. But skilled authors can do that on the page.

Have you ever sat next to a reader on a plane who chuckled throughout the flight? They might be reading Janet Evanovich, Carl Hiaasen, the late Tim Dorsey, or other authors who carved out niches with funny crime novels. Some of the most enjoyable book recommendations I’ve received came from seatmates.

Past and present Kill Zone contributors deliver laughs from Michelle Gagnon (what’s funnier than being the target of a serial killer?) and Elaine Viets (after working at a bridal salon, she wonders why there aren’t more murders).

 

Crime isn’t funny, especially if you’ve been a victim. But laughter in the face of danger is an effective defense mechanism that makes the trials of life more bearable.

~~~

This post is a chapter excerpted from my upcoming writing craft book, The Villain’s Journey-How to Create Memorable Villains Readers Love to Hate. Publication Summer 2025. Please sign up at my website for news and updates on The Villain’s Journey.

~~~

TKZers: who’s your favorite comic villain in film or books? Why do they make you laugh? Please share in the comments.

 

The Art of Misdirection

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“There are two ways to be fooled. One is to believe what isn’t true; the other is to refuse to believe what is true.” — Soren Kierkegaard

* * *

One of the most interesting aspects of mystery novels for me is the author’s ability to construct a story that leads the reader “down the garden path.” Then when the truth is revealed, the reader smacks him/herself on the side of the head in recognition that they picked the wrong person as the villain. They should have seen it coming.

When I told a friend of mine about my interest in constructing novels that use this technique of misdirection, she was astonished. “It sounds like you’re deliberately manipulating what the reader is thinking.”

“Right,” I said. “That’s the point. If the author can present information to the reader so they react to the scenes in the story in a predictable way, it will produce an entertaining and satisfying experience for the reader.”

My friend said she didn’t like the idea of being fooled, but I think she’s fooling herself.

At its heart, a mystery novel is a game, a challenge to the reader to see if they can put the puzzle together correctly. The reader has all the necessary information, but the author uses several devices to misguide the reader into putting their trust in the wrong characters or the wrong clues.

Foreshadowing, Clues, and Red Herrings

In his article in Writer’s Digest,  Robert McCaw put it well:

“Misdirection also requires subtlety. The reader will feel crassly manipulated if the surprise ending arrives without sufficient hints or foreshadowing. Ideally, good misdirection makes the reader look back at various telltale clues peppered throughout the story, hopefully leading them to admire the author’s skill in setting up and obscuring the ultimate surprise.”

Perhaps the cleverest red herring of all time was created by Agatha Christie in her novel And Then There Were None, in which ten people on a remote island are being killed off one by one in a way that mirrors the nursery rhyme Ten Soldier Boys. When they get down to three people left alive, one of them (Vera) says

“You’ve forgotten the nursery rhyme. Don’t you see there’s a clue there?” She recited in a meaning voice: “Four little Indian boys going out to sea; A red herring swallowed one and then there were three.” She went on: “A red herring—that’s the vital clue. Armstrong’s not dead… He took away the china Indian to make you think he was. You may say what you like—Armstrong’s on the island still. His disappearance is just a red herring across the track…”

A clue that references the very words “red herring” is clever. But it turns out the clue itself was a red herring. Now that was really clever.

The Unreliable Narrator

In a novelsuspects.com article, Emily Watson writes

The term “unreliable narrator” was introduced in 1961 by Wayne C. Booth in his book The Rhetoric of Fiction. Typically, for a narrator to be unreliable, the story needs to be presented by a first-person narrator. And since first-person accounts of stories and events are often flawed and biased, you could argue that all first-person narrators are by nature unreliable. But Booth explains that for a narrator to be unreliable, they must either misreport, misinterpret, misevaluate, underreport, under-interpret, or under-evaluate.

Once again Agatha Christie claims preeminence in misdirection with the unreliable narrator Dr. Sheppard in The Murder of Roger Ackroyd.

The False Ending

Robert McCaw also addressed the topic of false endings in his article in Writer’s Digest.

“Another of my favorite techniques is the false or penultimate ending. In this case, the narrative comes to a neat close. The protagonist solves the mysteries and identifies the culprit. There are no loose strings. The story is over, except it’s not. Instead, another chapter surprises the reader with a new and different take on the ending, often creating the opportunity to begin a new story, perhaps in another book.”

An example of this is the French film He Loves Me… He Loves Me Not directed by Laetitia Colombani. While not exactly a mystery, the movie’s unusual structure is a good example of misdirection, unreliable narration, and a false ending.

The movie was released in 2002 and starred Audrey Tautou, the actress who had previously been best known for her performance as the main character in the movie Amelie. Casting Tautou as Angelique in He Loves Me was a brilliant way to manipulate the viewers into immediately trusting the adorable girl.

In this movie, Angelique is an accomplished young artist in love with a married man, Dr. Loic Le Garrec (Samuel Le Bihan). The movie begins in a flower shop where Angelique is sending a pink rose to Le Garrec on his birthday, and it tracks the plot through scenes where Angelique appears to get closer and closer to her goal of breaking up Le Garrec’s marriage so the two of them can go off together.

Then something goes awry. Angelique realizes her plan has failed, and she decides to commit suicide. It seems this will be the sad end to a young woman’s life, but that’s the false ending. The movie is only at the halfway point.

As Angelique lies down on the floor in front of a gas stove, everything changes. It looks like the movie is rewinding in Fast Backward mode, and suddenly we’re all the way back to the beginning at the flower shop.

But this time, the movie presents the actual events, not just Angelique’s fantasy, and the viewer comes to understand Angelique was suffering from a mental illness called “erotomania.” The first half of the movie showed only a partial truth, but one that convinced the viewer of a lie.

In the actual ending, Angelique has survived her suicide attempt and is incarcerated in a mental institution. The final end of the movie is yet another false ending that I won’t spoil for you.

* * *

So, there you have it. Red herrings, unreliable narrators, and false endings. All devices to trick the reader into enjoying a wonderful story.

“Seldom, very seldom, does complete truth belong to any human disclosure; seldom can it happen that something is not a little disguised or a little mistaken.”
― Jane Austen, Emma

* * *

So TKZers: There are many ways to lead the reader astray. Have you been fooled by misdirection? Have you used misdirection in your books? What books or movies would you recommend that gleefully mislead the audience?

* * *

Was it a clue to murder? Or just a small child’s fanciful note? Private pilot Cassie Deakin must find her way through the labyrinth to solve the puzzle.

Available at  Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Kobo, Google Play, or Apple Books.

Staying Afloat in the Roiling Sea of Books

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by James Scott Bell
@jamesscottbell

Blue-footed booby

I had another post I was working on, but life got in the way. So I thought I’d rerun a column on discoverability. It seems apt in this age of AI. Has anything changed? Where we go:

Discoverability is becoming as rare as the blue-footed booby.

According to Bowker, the outfit that registers ISBN numbers, over a million self-published books were issued ISBNs last year.

That’s a one with six zeros after it.

And understand, this does not include traditionally-published books, nor all the ebook-only titles without ISBNs.

Which means there’s a whole lotta books out there, and more added every year. (Most of which are bad. See Sturgeon’s Law.)

Industry observer Mike Shatzkin added this:

I had reason to learn recently that Ingram has 16 million individual titles loaded in their Lightning Source database ready to be delivered as a bound book to you within 24 hours, if not sooner. So every book coming into the world today is competing against 16 million other books that you might buy.

That number — the number of individual book titles available to any consumer, bookstore, or library — has exploded in my working lifetime. As recently as 25 years ago, the potential titles available — in print and on a warehouse shelf ready to be ordered, or even to be backordered until a next printing — was numbered in the hundreds of thousands. So it has grown by 20 or 30 or 40 times. That’s between 2000 percent and 4000 percent in the last quarter century.

Of discoverability, agent Rachelle Gardner recently observed:

How can any single book stand out in that large of a field? It’s very difficult. The problem is known as discoverability and it means the odds are stacked against us when we want to bring readers’ attention to our books.

This is why the publisher needs your help—it’s important to find your audience, that specific group of people who will like your book. They need you engaging with your audience, connecting with them, doing your part to make them aware of you.

Even with all this work, it’s still hard to make your book discoverable. It’s not anyone’s fault. Publishers are not conspiring to make life difficult for you. They’re not being unreasonable by requiring authors to participate in marketing. It’s simply the situation we find ourselves in—there are too many books, so we all have to work so much harder to each one stand out to its unique audience.

One line that jumped out at me is: the publisher needs your help. It used to be the other way around. A writer needed a traditional publisher to get into bookstores. If there were some marketing dollars in the budget, the publisher might arrange to have the book placed on the New Release table at the front of the store.

But now, with bookstore space shrinking, and marketing push going almost exclusively to the A list, authors writing inside the walls of the Forbidden City are expected to do audience building themselves (which has some authors wondering why the publishing houses still take the same royalty split as when they did all the heavy lifting. But I digress).

So how do you build an audience these days? The old-fashioned way. You earn it. (Hat tip to John Houseman).

Book after book. And more than one or two titles. You don’t hit a stride until you have several books out there to go with a steady pace of future production.

Another agent, Steve Laube, also reflected on the Bowker publishing numbers, and offered this advice:

  1. Write the very best book you can.
  2. Build an audience who will support your work (i.e. platform).
  3. Decide whether to self-publish (but only do it the right way) or go the traditional route (get an agent).
  4. Figure out how to launch a book.

The fundamentals don’t change, do they? That’s why they’re called fundamentals. I’d modify the list a bit this way:

  1. Write the very best books (plural) you can, at least one per year.
  2. Keep learning and growing in the craft.
  3. Decide what kind of writer you want to be. If self-publishing is on your mind, consider:
    1. Can you be sufficiently productive?
    2. Do you have the discipline to learn basic business practices?
    3. Are you willing to invest between $500 and $2,000 for cover design, editing, and proofreading for each book?
  1. If traditional publishing is your goal, ask:
    1. Am I patient enough to wait up to 18 months for my book to come out?
    2. Will my agent fight for more author-friendly non-compete and reversion-of-rights clauses?
    3. Am I ready with a plan should my publisher drop me?

One word I do wish we’d get rid of is platform. For non-fiction a platform is desirable because there’s a built-in audience for a subject. But agents and publishers push this amorphous concept on unpublished fiction authors, which only adds to their stress and detracts from their writing time.

The best time for a fiction writer to build a platform is 2003. That’s when we weren’t so blog saturated that a new author might actually gain a following. That’s when we weren’t tossing away good writing time on Twitter and Facebook and Instagram (and, worse, thinking that the latter venues are good places to sell books!)

As I argued a couple of years ago, we need to get out of “discoverability thinking” and into “trustability thinking.”

You should be thinking that each new offering is an opportunity to prove to readers that you deliver the goods. As you do this, time after time, trust in you grows. Consumers buy more from businesses they trust. Readers are consumers and you are a business.

This applies whether you are traditional or indie, commercial or literary, tall or short.

Or have blue feet.

So … are you about to dive into the cold Atlantic of content, knowing full well how vast and choppy it is out there? Have you taken swimming lessons (studied craft and market)?  

Or are you already swimming?

How’s the water?

Reader Friday-Goodbye To A Friend

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I hope a little indulgence is in order on The Killzone today.

6/18/2014-1/14/2025 . . . Play hard, sweet Hoka

We lost a good friend on Tuesday, January 14th. Her name was Hoka, the smartest German shepherd in the universe. It happened quickly. The vet thinks it was a stroke. She would have been eleven in June, and we’d kept company with her for nine years and one month.

We’ve had other dogs, but none as human as Hoka.

A little history: She was rescued from the local shelter by our daughter, who was able to be her mom for three months. When she moved to San Diego, she couldn’t take Hoka with her. She was named after Jessica’s favorite running/hiking shoe, and was her companion on the trails.

Jessica brought her to us to get acquainted, and it was love at first sight. When she came to live with us she was about a year and a half old, give or take. It was like a toddler moving in with gramma and grampa.

Let the games begin!

She had two speeds . . . fast and stop. She liked to chase cars along our rural dirt road—from inside our fence line, of course. Our neighbor once clocked her at 32 mph.

She had a human vocabulary of about twenty or so words and phrases, she was scared of gunfire, loved harassing our neighbors’ cats and cows from across the fence, and was always ready to jump in the Jeep and go to town with us. And, believe it or not, she could tell time. She knew when it was bedtime, and she knew–at 7am every morning–it was time to trek over to the west side of our property to chase away any of the neighbor’s cats who dared stray over our fence.

We walk the orchards around us every day and she went with us. The last few days, I’ve even taken pictures of her paw prints around our property and out in the orchards.

And my Dad. We took her three times a week to see him, and he loved her as much as we do. Many of the other residents in his facility  insisted on petting her. She was everybody’s dog, and she knew it.

There’s not a square inch of our house and five acres that her paws did not touch. She watched out for us as much as we took care of her. Every part of our daily schedule–now ten days without her–included her.

First, we learned to navigate life with Hoka; now we must learn to steer ourselves without her.

It’s going to be a long journey before we can let her lie without tears, but I know she’s getting acquainted with the other three dogs we’ve buried.

Hoka, keep running. We’ll come and play with you some day.

 

* * *

 

Thank you, TKZers, for listening to me and understanding why I had to write this post. Many of you have shared your pets with us, so I know you “get it”.

 

Your comments and memories are most welcome.

 

 

First Page Critique – MURDER, MYSTERY AND MISDIRECTION

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by Debbie Burke

@burke_writer

Today let’s welcome a Brave Author who submitted the first page of a humorous cozy mystery with fantasy elements including a talking cat.

Please enjoy the read then we’ll discuss on the flip side.

~~~

“Peekaboo!” I burst through the front door, Ryan in my wake. I stopped in the hallway and looked for any sign of the orange cat who was currently on my sugar (I don’t like to swear) list. It only took a moment before the little creature stepped primly into the hall.

“I was napping,” the grumpy feline said, shooting me a gold-eyed glare. She waited for me to continue.

“I acknowledged them,” I said, deadpan.

“Oh.” Peekaboo’s snooty manor fell away, and she lowered those gold eyes.

“That’s all you have to say?” I stood, arms crossed, my eyes shooting daggers. Ryan, my boyfriend, stood mutely watching. He couldn’t hear Peekaboo.

But I could. Oh, boy, could I. My sweet little inherited orange cat bestowed on me, by way of tripping me on my way down the front porch steps, the “gift” of being able to communicate with her. Oh, and see ghosts. To be fair, her motives were pure. She needed me to have a near-death experience so I’d wake up and be able to listen to her.

Maybe I should back up, so you know what I’m talking about.

I used to live in Los Angeles. When I was twenty-one, I broke up a mugging and saved a dear little old lady. She was so grateful that seven years later she left me her estate in her will.

In addition to a house, an SUV and a large amount of money, I inherited Peekaboo, the talking cat. Of course, I didn’t know she was a talking cat at the time. After glaring at me for a few days, she apparently thought I was hopeless and pushed me down the stairs. So, I woke up in the hospital and saw a doctor with a clipboard walk through a wall. But that’s really immaterial to my story. My neighbor, who found me splattered on the porch steps, had called 911. When I was released from the hospital, Elsie, the neighbor, told me I’d flatlined and it took ten minutes of the paddles to bring me back to life.

As I hobbled into my house after Elsie brought me home from the hospital and made sure I was alright to be left alone, subject cat started talking to me. I thought I must have a brain tumor…somebody get me back to the hospital! I grabbed the fireplace poker and used it to keep her at bay. I think she may have rolled her eyes at me.

Then, before I was comfortable that she was talking…and I could understand her…she trotted out the ghost of Alice, the sweet little old lady who’d left me her house. Apparently, this whole episode was so I could see Alice and solve her murder.

That little task resulted in me, and my best friend Susie, and my boyfriend Ryan, who wasn’t my boyfriend at the time…he was the homicide detective I had to convince to help me solve said murder…and DC, a PI that Peekaboo had led me to…I didn’t mention that she’s psychic, did I? That’s how she knew I wouldn’t die when she tripped me on the stairs. Oh, brother….

~~~

Let me confess upfront: fantasy is not a genre I’m very familiar with. I don’t know the tropes and conventions so I hope more knowledgeable readers will chime in about this piece.

What did strike me immediately was the voice. It was humorous and conversational, which I enjoy. It felt like a friend relating a story after a few drinks…quite a few drinks.

Jumping back and forth in time on the first page is risky. The reader is not yet grounded in the story and can easily be confused. Too many events told out of order with too many characters being introduced all at once may frustrate the reader.

But that herky-jerky conversational tone is important to the humor. So, it’s a tightrope walk between smiles and irritation.

What I do know about fantasy is that world building is an important element. The author introduces an unfamiliar universe governed by its own rules. Those rules are different from the reality most people know. Readers need certain information to understand the imaginary world they’re stepping into. However, not all those elements need to be presented at once. Allow them to unfold during the course of the story.

But this example feels more like being hit with a firehose—too much information too soon. I’d be more interested and engaged if I understood a few ground rules.

My suggestion is to quickly establish a world in which only the narrator can hear a talking cat. Something like:

Peekaboo is a sweet orange cat I inherited from a dear little old lady named Alice I had saved from being mugged when I was 21. Seven years later Alice died, and to my great surprise, she left me a large sum of money, an SUV, a house, and Peekaboo, the talking cat.

You’re probably saying “Oh brother!” and I don’t blame you. I’m the only one who can hear Peekaboo, making it hard to convince people I’m not crazy.

Did I forget to mention the cat is psychic? And she wants me to solve Alice’s murder?

Let me back up a bit to when Peekaboo pushed me down the stairs (on purpose—the little brat) and knocked me out, so you understand how all this happened.

 

Regarding craft and word usage details:

Manor should be manner. The preferred spelling for alright is all right. Otherwise the manuscript didn’t have spelling errors. Good job.

Nice, smooth way to establish the narrator’s age (21 plus seven years later makes her 28).

Splattered sounds like blood or brains, and is not accurate for the scene described.

“I acknowledged them,” I said, deadpan. I have no idea what this sentence means. It  has no relation to the sentences before or after it. Who or what does “them“ refer to?

Run-on sentences are tricky. They can convey humor but can also be confusing.

That little task resulted in me, and my best friend Susie, and my boyfriend Ryan, who wasn’t my boyfriend at the time…he was the homicide detective I had to convince to help me solve said murder…and DC, a PI that Peekaboo had led me to…I didn’t mention that she’s psychic, did I?

In a 55-word-long sentence, the reader is introduced to three characters (Susie, Ryan, DC), two professions (homicide detective and PI), the history of the romance (at first Ryan wasn’t her boyfriend), a problem (how to convince the detective/boyfriend to help the narrator solve a murder), and Peekaboo’s psychic ability.

Please slow down, Brave Author. Introduce the characters and establish their relationships to each other. Layer in the problem of solving a murder. Then add the punchline that Peekaboo is psychic.

The narrator’s disjointed thoughts have a curious logic that’s all her own, rather like listening to someone with early dementia. Obviously, the intelligence is still present, but connections keep shorting out.

That wacky voice can endear her to the reader but becomes frustrating and annoying if overdone. Preserve the humor and delete the babbling. 

Brave Author, the concept of a talking, psychic cat is humorous, charming, and intriguing. If you don’t confuse the reader, you have the potential for a delightful mystery. Thanks for sharing this first page with us.

~~~

TKZers: What elements of this first page appealed to you? What turned you off and why?

If you read humorous-cozy-fantasy genre, please educate those of us who are not familiar with it. What are reader expectations? Does this story meet those?

Writing In Slow Motion

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By John Gilstrap

The crazy lady held a carving blade from the knife block on the kitchen counter, and she vehemently expressed her desire to hurt me with it. The year was 1990, plus or minus three. We were in her double-wide. The driver of my ambulance was in urgent communication with the EOC–emergency operations center–police were on the way, and the crazy lady (you got the CRAZY part, right?) stood between me and the door. I was armed with a radio and maybe a stethoscope. I suspect that drugs may have been involved because the crazy lady repeatedly sought counsel from someone only she could see. And apparently hear.

This was not my wheelhouse. We volunteers had no training for talking unstable people out of their murder weapons. While she seemed moved by my arguments that I had a young boy at home who needed me, the invisible sonofabitch had a convincing counterargument.

The confrontation ended without nuance. Crazy Lady had left the door open and when a critical mass of cops had arrived–I’ll stipulate that it took less than the seven hours that it felt–they hit her with the subtlety shown to a quarterback who fumbles the snap.

Happy ending. For me. I don’t know how it ended for her. Or her imaginary friend.

I’ve never written of this incident until right now, largely because it exposes me as a moron. Can you articulate the error that nearly got me killed? Read to the end for the reveal.*

Let’s turn this into a writing lesson.

For me, action scenes–fight scenes–are the hardest scenes to write. They’re also the easiest scenes to screw up.

My interaction with Crazy Lady involved countless thoughts, decisions and observations, all of which transpired simultaneously and in the space of a heartbeat.

In fiction, a heartbeat on the page can be a paragraph or a chapter. In Ambrose Bierce’s “An Occurrence At Owl Creek Bridge,” that length of time takes up a whole short story.

The secret to fast action is to write slow.

Let’s imagine a scene we all know: The Old West duel in the street. For my example, imagine that we’re past the build-up and the dread–think “High Noon” or “Firecreek”–and dial straight into the ditry deed of draw-and-fire.

The reality of the action will transpire over the course of a few seconds–five, at the most–but a one-sentence gunfight squanders drama and cheats your reader out of and exciting, engaging scene. So, how do we make it engaging?

Choose your POV Characters carefully, remembering that both shooters have something to prove or defend.

Arguably, the easiest POV characters for the scene are the shooters themselves–the guys (it’s always guys, right?) who are presenting their hearts and spines for penetration at 900 feet per second.

Are they concentrating on not being killed, or on killing the other guy? There’s a huge difference. Think about it: The best chance to score a kill shot means squaring your body across the target for a stronger stance that allows for better aim and trigger control. That also means making yourself a bigger target. Alternatively, you could blade your body to the target to make yourself harder to hit, but also creating a less stable shooting platform. What does it say of a character who thinks this way?

Are you presenting both POVs or just one? What are they thinking? What are they looking for?

Now, suppose that (one of) the POV character(s) is the 12-year-old child of one of the shooters. What does that do to your narrative? Okay, and the 12-year-old’s best friend is the child of the other shooter. Are they watching the duel together? What are their older or younger siblings doing?

Every element of story is about character.

If you write thrillers, your job is to make your audience scream for mercy. That means setting up seemingly irreversible collision courses for your characters. If one of my stories presents a comfortable moment for you to go to bed–or go to the bathroom, for that matter–I have failed.

In our street duel example, why didn’t Good Guy Greg just pop Bad Guy Bart in the back of the head and be done with it? Or the other way around? Did they consider it? Are their hands shaking?

In the real world, all of these thoughts and feelings and considerations whirl at the speed of synapse, but as the recorder of fact in the fictional world, it falls upon you to reveal these instinctive reactions in a way that feels fast yet is still discernable.

*Humiliating tactical error: I allowed Crazy Lady to block my access to the exit. If I could have left and gone to safety, the police response (God bless them!) could have been far less kinetic.

Clichés: Avoid Them Like The…
Well, You Know

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By PJ Parrish

You can learn a lot about writing fiction from watching football. I figured this out recently after bingeing on both the NFL and college playoffs. (Yes, I have no life but it’s really, really cold here right now. Plus it gives me an excuse to eat potato chips and drink Dr Pepper spiked with Southern Comfort before five, so don’t judge me).

What you can learn from football is pretty simple:

  • Always keep moving downfield. (Don’t keep rewriting chapter 1)
  • Have a good game plan. (Outline your story. ie be a wily plotter)
  • If you don’t have a good game plan, be quick on your feet and don’t be afraid to just chuck the rock downfield and see what happens. (Go where the story takes you. ie be an artful pantser)
  • Run north and south, not east and west. (Don’t get distracted by subplots)
  • Surround yourself with good guys. (Character developement is everything)
  • If you drop the ball, get up and get back in the game. (you painted yourself into a plot corner. Your character sucks. Boo hoo. Get back in there and fix it.)

But maybe the best thing I’ve learned from watching football that’s helped me in writing is this:

Stop with the clichés, already!

I watch a lot of sports, but I have to say football has to be the worst when it comes to really stale commentary. While watching the playoffs, I started to write some of the bad ones down. From my list:

  • They haven’t got all their weapons. (too many injuries).
  • You gotta go with what’s working. (not sure what that means)
  • He’s hearing footsteps. (the receiver got spooked and dropped the ball)
  • They get points the old fashioned way — up the middle. (they run alot)
  • It’s gonna come back to haunt them. (missed the extra point)
  • He’s got alligator arms. (wide receiver didn’t make the catch)
  • They beat themselves.

And the saddest one:

  • There’s no tomorrow.

I actually heard Tony Romo use that one. I did hear one phrase I liked that I had never heard before. Vikings QB Sam Darnold fumbled and a Rams rookie defender scooped the ball up and ran it 57 yards for a TD. The commentator said, “He got a room service bounce.”  Your eggs Benedict is here, sir.

All right, all right. I hear you. No more football talk. Okay, so I will talk about the book I am reading right now. It’s been on my to-read shelf ever since I brought it back from the Edgars a couple years ago. It was a nominee and it’s pretty good. But then things started to go, well, south. (cliché!)

I began to notice there were clichés creeping into the narrative. Like this: “It was a perfect storm of bad investigative techniques and lazy-assity.”

Now, I kind of liked the lazy-assity thing, but “a perfect storm?” A couple chapters later, he referred to a suspect roundup as “picking the low hanging fruit.” After that, I got distracted because I started to search for more clichés. And they came: eagle-eyed,” “burning question,” “at the crack of dawn,” “sick as a dog,” “uphill battle.”

Now, these are all sort of venial, the kind of everyday phrases we all slip into. Nothing as bad as “When they sprayed the Luminol, the room lit up like a Christmas tree.” But they aren’t fresh, and when it comes to fiction, shouldn’t we all be asking more of ourselves?

I have to stop and make a distinction here. Sometimes, it’s okay to toss in a cliché in dialogue. Characters have to talk like real people, and having a guy SAY he woke up “sick as dog” may not be the most sparkling dialogue, but it has a place, if you’re trying to show the character isn’t the…pardon me…sharpest knife in the drawer. But in narrative, I can’t give writers a pass for stuff like “He was ready to take the plunge.”

I’m going to finish reading the book because the plot is tight and I like the anti-hero protag. But I wish this writer had worked just a little harder on the small potatoes. (cliché!) It’s not his first book and it won’t be his last, because he’s talented. Which is why I am asking for more from him.

Being original is maybe the hardest thing we have to do in writing. Keeping all the plates spinning in the air is hard — plot, voice, character, dialogue, pacing, subplots, secondary characters, sense of place, description. This is why using metaphors and similes is darn difficult. All the good ones have been taken already!

  • “The pain just increases like a violinist going up the E string. You think it can’t get any higher and it does–the pain’s like that, it rises and rises…” — John LeCarre.
  • “His smile was as stiff as a frozen fish.” — Raymond Chandler
  • “Sit down, Montag. Watch. Delicately, like the petals of a flower. Light the first page, light the second page. Each becomes a black butterfly. Beautiful, eh?” — Ray Bradbury.

The good ones aren’t all taken, not really. You have good metaphors and similes in you that not one other soul on earth can imagine. When you write, don’t settle for the dust on top. Dig deep to find what is unique in the way you see the world

But creating effective metaphors and similes is a topic for another day. I was going to write about that today but this post ran long. So let’s start with the easy stuff. For now, just go back into your work and find your little sins. Kill your not-so-darling cliches.

Get back in the game, crime dogs. Don’t leave anything on the field. Because there’s no tomorrow. Actually, for us writers there is, thank God. But don’t tell Tony Romo that.

Three Easy Fixes for Common Craft Problems

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Photo credit: Public domain

by Debbie Burke

@burke_writer

Author and professor William Kittredge once told me good writing should be like water—invisible. It should flow so smoothly that a reader becomes engaged in the story and forgets that they are reading.

Minor details can disrupt that flow. These small craft issues aren’t usually fatal, but they’re annoying to readers.

Often, the problems are unconscious habits the writer isn’t even aware of. The same habits tend to pop up all the way through a manuscript.

Fortunately, once the writer becomes aware of them, they’re easy fixes.

Today, let’s discuss three issues I run across frequently as a freelance editor.

  1. Attributions – Starting a scene or chapter with dialogue can work well to pull the reader into the story quickly. But often writers neglect to indicate who’s speaking until several lines (or longer) into the paragraph.

“The heist is in three weeks. We need to hack into their computer for the guard schedule, confirm the inventory, and decide which crates to take. The truck has to be rented using a fake ID. But that requires a commercial driver’s license. We also need someone who can operate a forklift,” John said to his teammates, Paul, George, and Ringo, who were gathered around the table.

 

If you begin with dialogue, place the attribution at or near the beginning of the passage. The reader shouldn’t have to wait a half page to find out who’s talking.

Attributions are especially important in scenes with multiple characters. Don’t make the reader guess which character is talking.

Said or asked are quick efficient tags that don’t draw attention to themselves. An action tag also works well to identify the speaker.

But don’t overdo it—use either a dialogue tag or an action tag, but not both.  

“I don’t like this one bit,” George said and shifted in his chair. “A commercial license is harder to fake.”

John stretched his arms over his head and said. “Well, figure it out because that’s how it’s going to be.”

“I can drive a forklift,” Ringo said.

Paul snorted. “You ran it into a wall last time.”

 

  1. Sentence chronology – By chronology, I’m referring to actions that don’t flow in a natural order.

The following example is understandable but far from clear. It requires the reader to jump back and forth in time to follow what’s happening.

Breathless and worried that something weird was going on, Joan flopped in a chair, weary from having climbed three flights of stairs after showing her ID to the security guard when she entered the office building. He had stared at her strangely.

She had asked, “Don’t you recognize my face by now? I’m here every day.”

Because the actions are out of chronological order, the reader must pause to mentally rearrange what happened and when it happened. For a second or two, the reader is distracted and pulled out of the story.

Revision with actions in order:

Joan entered the office building and started to pass the security desk.

“Wait.” The guard rose and blocked her way. “I need to see your ID, please.”

“Don’t you know me by now? I’m here every day.”

He stared at her, one eye squinted, hand extended.

She gave him her badge, but he barely glanced at it before giving it back.

Unsettled, Joan climbed three flights of stairs, growing more breathless with each step. In her cubicle, she flopped into a chair and gasped for air. Did the guard really not recognize her or was something weird going on?

 

  1. Summarize or dramatize.

Years ago in my critique group, a friend was writing her family’s history. She did extensive genealogical research that was interesting but not compelling.

One day, she read an excerpt to us:

My father was buried near the airport where he had crashed the plane.

That was it. No details.

We stared at her open-mouthed. “What crash? When? How?”

“Oh, he didn’t die then. He was on a test flight after an overhaul and a cable pulled loose. The plane went down but he walked away. He died years later from cancer. The cemetery just happened to be near the airport.”

She’d left out the meat of the story by summarizing two major life events into a single sentence.

We all laughed about that bare-bones summation. When she returned with a revision a few weeks later, she had dramatized those incidents into full-fledged scenes.

Recently I read a manuscript about a couple whose 15-year-old daughter has disappeared. The passage is about 20 pages long and I’ve summarized it here:

For years, Marsha and Phil have clashed about how to handle their daughter, who displays peculiar behavior. The girl has run away in the past. But this time, she’s been gone for weeks. They put up posters, contact police, register her with Missing and Exploited Children, etc. Months pass with each parent blaming the other for the daughter’s disappearance. The strain on their marriage becomes unbearable. Then…

When Phil told Marsha that he was moving out, she was relieved.

That’s all the author wrote. She summed up a huge turning point in one declarative sentence.

She had included more details about photocopying posters and the places where they nailed them up than about this sea change in their relationship.

Photo credit: public domain

Writers frequently describe day-to-day minutiae because they believe activities like tooth brushing and making toast bring the character to life. But too many insignificant details are boring. Elmore Leonard’s wise advice is to leave out the parts readers skip over.

The opposite problem is too little detail, like the plane crash example above.

Writers often rush through critical events that radically change the story’s direction.

As we review our stories, we need to identify important events or revelations.  

Dramatize those in scenes.

 We also need to identify unimportant events that fill pages but are only incidental to the story.

 Summarize those.

Summaries work well as transitions to move the story forward to the next turning point. Instead of a blow-by-blow explanation of what happens in the meantime, try summarizing it.

Marsha and Phil spent the next three months searching fruitlessly, making follow-up calls to numerous authorities, and nailing up hundreds of posters around town. They alternated between noisy arguments and silent recriminations. At night, Marsha paced the bedroom while Phil paced downstairs.

One April morning, Phil appeared in the bathroom doorway as Marsha was brushing her teeth.

“I’m moving out,” he said then walked back to the bedroom.

Toothpaste drooled from Marsha’s mouth as she stood frozen and numb, staring at the water-spotted mirror.

A few moments later, Phil reappeared in the reflection, suitcase in hand. “On my way out, I’ll put bread in the toaster for your breakfast.”

Footsteps thudded down the stairs, followed by a brief clattering of dishes. The kitchen door opened then closed.

Marsha was startled to realize her first conscious thought was, Thank God!  

 As you rewrite, keep an eye out for misplaced attributions; sentences that are not in chronological order; scenes that are summarized but should be dramatized, and overwritten scenes that can be reduced to summaries.

These small but significant differences make your writing flow like clear water.

~~~

TKZers: What small, annoying details irritate you when you read? What bothersome, unconscious habits pop up in your own writing?

~~~

Cover by Brian Hoffman

 

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