Wordle and the Cute Villain

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We’ve talked about word games a few times here, and several of the TKZ crowd have mentioned Wordle as being a favorite.

For people unfamiliar with the game, the challenge is to guess a hidden five-letter word within six tries by creating words and seeing how the Wordle game responds. The simplest way to explain it is by example. I have a habit of using the word “HOUSE” as my first guess.

If a letter is in the solution and in the correct placement, it’s shown on a green background. If the letter is in the solution, but not in the correct place, the background turns yellow. If the letter isn’t in the word at all, the background is gray.

In a game I played a couple of weeks ago, here’s how the first four guesses looked:

After the first three guesses, I had all five letters of the answer, but I wasn’t able to come up with a word that was a valid solution. (Wordle will not let you enter arbitrary letters. Your guess has to spell an actual word, and I don’t think it’s fair play to look up possibilities online.)

The only word I came up with was “ROILS,” but I knew it was wrong because the letter “I” couldn’t be in the third position. Still, it was the only English word I thought of, so I entered it just to see if any of the other letters would be in the correct positions.

This was the strangest Wordle game I’d ever played. After the fourth guess, there are only two possible solutions: IOLRS or LORIS. I didn’t know either of those words, but LORIS seemed the most likely, so I went with that one.

It was the first time I solved a Wordle game with a word I hadn’t heard of. (My apologies to all the linguists and zoologists out there.) Of course, I looked up the meaning of the word, and found that a loris is a very interesting animal.

* * *

You can’t get much cuter than this guy. Big, sad eyes in a furry little body. So adorable. So cuddly. You want to pick one up and pet it.

Not a good idea.

According to worldwildlife.org,

With wide eyes and furry bodies, these slow-moving, pint-sized primates look like cuddly stuffed animals. But their venom-filled bites can rot flesh and cause anaphylactic shock in humans. (my emphasis)

Ouch.

It turns out the loris is the only mammal that is venomous. When I considered that surprising fact, it got me thinking about villains in general. Maybe the most dangerous ones aren’t the big, bad guys with the tattoos and spiked hair. Or those dark space villains. You know they’re the bad guys.

Maybe the scariest ones are the adorable characters whom everybody loves and trusts. The ones you can’t imagine would ever hurt you.

Here are a few examples I found on screenrant.com:

  • Hans, the handsome prince in Frozen, who appears to be in love with the Princess Anna, but really just wants to marry her to usurp the throne.
  • The “killer rabbit” in Monty Python and the Holy Grail. How dangerous could a cute little white rabbit be?

  • Dawn Bellwether in Zootopia seems to be a cute sheep helping ensure cooperation in her community, but in fact, she’s the mastermind behind a conspiracy.

In addition, I asked our TKZ expert on villainry, Debbie Burke, to give me some ideas of villains who fit this category. She mentioned nurses who kill patients. Makes me want to try doubly hard to stay out of the hospital.

 

But maybe the scariest villain of all was Anthony Freemont in the 73rd episode of The Twilight Zone. He was a really cute kid with powers of evil.

I saw that episode many years ago, but it still gives me chills when I think about it.

* * *

Over to you, TKZers: Are you a Wordler? Did you solve the recent Loris puzzle? On another subject, who is your favorite villain? Do your characters ever become victims of wolves in sheep’s clothing?

* * *

 

They may be cute, but there’s nothing villainous about these two detectives. 10-year-old tree-climbing Reen and her 9-year-old, feet-on-the-ground cousin Joanie are on a mission to find a hidden treasure, but along the way they discover something more important than what they were looking for.

EBOOK ON SALE NOW: 99¢ on Amazon, Barnes&Noble, and Apple Books.

Be Interesting

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by James Scott Bell
@jamesscottbell

There were two ad campaigns in the last twenty years I truly loved.

The first was the “I’m a Mac and I’m a PC” spots. They featured Justin Long as the “cool guy” who was the Mac, and John Hodgman as the stuffy PC guy. Mac sales zoomed after this. Microsoft’s answer was to roll out Vista. We know how that went.

You can watch all the ads here.

The other campaign was “The Most Interesting Man in the World” for Dos Equis.

A typical spot featured “vintage film” of the man in various pursuits, while a narrator recites a few facts about him, such as:

  • In a past life he was himself.
  • If opportunity knocks and he’s not home, opportunity waits.
  • He once had an awkward moment, just to see how it feels.
  • The police often question him, just because they find him interesting.
  • When in Rome, they do as he does.

The commercials finish with the man sitting in a bar surrounded by beautiful people. He looks into the camera and, with a slight Spanish accent, says, “I don’t always drink beer, but when I do I prefer Dos Equis…Stay thirsty, my friends.”

In both your fiction and your “author presence” on social media and email marketing, dullness is the kiss of death.

Fiction

I’m going to suggest that “interesting” in fiction is a category unto itself so it doesn’t get lost amongst all the other craft studies we do around here. Think of it as an added spice, a little extra that draws a reader further in. Specifically, it’s tied to what characters do.

Stephen King, in On Writing, says readers love learning about work, the details of a character’s vocation. You can start with what you know. My courtroom background allows me to show the ins and outs of trials, criminal procedure, search and seizure law, plea bargains and the like. But I also like to learn about other work (via research, interviews, etc.) and render it on the page. Yes, it’s an effort, but it pays off. If I’m interested and can convey that on the page, the readers will be interested, too.

A particular skill the character has can also be of interest, especially if it helps said character at a crucial moment. I love that device in the Ron Howard movie Willow. The hero of the story, little Willow Ufgood, is an amateur magician who, early on, does his “disappearing pig trick.” It goes comically wrong as the piglet squeals out from under the stage. But in the climactic battle with the evil Bavmorda, Willow performs the trick to save the baby Elora from her clutches.

Give us those kinds of details and the fictive dream will be all the richer.

Author Presence

Of course, we all have to present ourselves to the digital world now. And at each stage—from websites to blogs to podcasts, newsletters and emails—we need to find ways to hold readers’ interest because they are inundated with content competing for attention.

So…be interesting. Don’t just give us thinly veiled iterations of “Hey, my new book is out! I’m excited about it, and I think you will be, too!”

I have a newsletter on Substack that is purely for entertainment but also provides information I think many readers will find interesting. Our own Terry Odell offers travel and other nuggets on her Substack.

A little humor always helps. Dean Koontz’s newsletter always has a little fun before giving his soft-sell pitch. Here’s how one began:

Dear Readers,

I’m thinking of making a career change, taking on something that’s intellectually challenging like miniature golf or hot-dog-eating contests. I don’t know what it is, but I feel as if life is passing me by, as if I have less time remaining than I did when I was 20, which makes no sense. Maybe it’s the mid-life crisis I never had, coming on me later than it does with most men. That would make sense, because I held on to infancy until I was 25.

A personal story rendered in singular style is also gold. Our Reavis Wortham specializes in such tales. (I can’t help thinking of “most interesting man in the world” squibs for Rev, e.g. “His moustache has its own zip code”…”Stetsons line up to audition for his head.”)

Stay interesting, my friends.

Do you give details of work/vocation in your fiction? Have you gone beyond your knowledge base to find out about a particular line of work? 

In your social media and newsletter, what do you do to keep things interesting?

 

Even More Villainous Words of Wisdom

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Villains are the catalysts for mysteries and thrillers. Without them, there would be no murder to solve, no threat to stop, no dastardly deed to foil. They test the hero to the utmost, and must be confronted in one form or another by story’s end. Furthermore, not only are villains essential to mysteries and thrillers, they are also vital in many other genres ranging from fantasy and science fiction, to action, adventure, westerns and others.

Today Words of Wisdom returns to this evergreen topic once more with three insightful excerpts from the KZB archives. Elaine Viets offers advice on creating likeable villains. Becca Puglisi discusses villain backstories and their connection with the hero. Finally, Debbie Burke, who just published an insightful book on villains, shares wisdom on the villain’s story and behaviors.

The original three posts are all well-worth reading in full. As always, each excerpt is date-linked to the full version.

Make your villains smart. Or at least crafty.

Tiffany quickly becomes the fourth wife of rich old Cole Osborne and they live in luxury in Fort Lauderdale.
“I never went to college, but I wasn’t stupid,” Tiffany said. “I knew now that Cole had tied the knot with me, my struggle had just begun. Cole was very, very classy, and I had to fit in with his rich friends.”

Make your villains self-aware.

The Joni Mitchell song was Tiffany’s anthem, and she recognized herself in the lyrics of “Dog Eat Dog.” Especially the part about slaves. Some were well-treated . . .
And some like poor beasts
Are burdened down to breaking
Tiffany said, “This was a dog eat dog world – more so than the trailer park where I used to live. I was a well-treated slave, and I’d sold myself into slavery, but I knew that.”
Our villain has knows she’s living in comfort, but she can’t get comfortable.
“One misstep, and I’d be one of those poor beasts, working again at the local hardware store or greeting people at Walmart. I had a prenup that would give me a measly hundred thousand dollars if we divorced, but if I could hang on until Cole died, I’d get half his fortune.”

Make your villains work for their success. That way, readers can root for them.

Cindy knew she’s landed her pretty derriere in a tub of butter, but she knew her work has just started. Among other things, Cindy changed her name to a classier “Tish.”
She also “made friends with his housekeeper, Mrs. Anderson. She’d been with him for twenty years and three wives. I slipped her a little extra out of my mad money account that Cole gave me, and Mrs. A told me where to shop on Las Olas, the local Rodeo Drive, and which saleswoman to make an appointment with. She also advised me to ditch my long fake nails and get a nice, refined French manicure, then sent me to a salon where I had my long hair tamed into fashionable waves and the color became ‘not so blonde’ as the tactful stylist said.”

Make your villains aware of the stakes if they fail.

Now readers have more reasons to root for them.
“As I got into my mid-twenties, I had to work hard to keep my girlish figure,” Tiffany said. “My trainer was worse than a drill sergeant, and I endured endless runs on the beach. Awful as it was, it beat standing on my feet all day on a concrete floor, running a cranky cash register for nine dollars an hour.”

Create a conflict – and an even worse villain.

Tiffany says, “I thought I could sail smoothly into Cole’s sunset years and collect the cash when he went to his reward. But then that damn preacher showed up. The smarmy Reverend Joseph Starr, mega-millionaire pastor of Starr in the Heavens.”
As much as we may dislike money-hungry Tiffany, the bloodsucking TV preacher is even worse. He plays on Cole’s fear of death and walks off with a check for a million dollars on his first visit – and the Reverend has his sights set on more.
“Starr would work on Cole’s guilt and milk him for every dollar – my husband was one big cash cow,” the practical Tiffany said.
Now that her husband was in the hospital on life support, Tiffany has to find a way to kill her husband and put the blame on the Reverend Starr.
Does Tiffany succeed? Or does the Reverend Starr walk off with the money? You’ll have to read “Dog Eat Dog” to find out – and see if I made you root for her.
Tell us, TKZers. How do you humanize your villains?

Elaine Viets—June 10, 2021

 

THEY HAVE A BACKSTORY (AND YOU KNOW WHAT IT IS) 

Authors know how important it is to dig into their protagonist’s backstory and have a strong grasp of how it has impacted that character. Yet one of the biggest mistakes we make with villains is not giving them their own origin story. A character who is evil with no real reason behind their actions or motivations isn’t realistic, making them stereotypical and a bit…meh.

To avoid this trap, know your villain’s beginnings. Why are they the way they are? What trauma, genetics, or negative influencers have molded them into their current state? Why are they pursuing their goal—what basic human need is lacking that achieving the goal will satisfy? The planning and research for this kind of character is significant, but it will pay off in the form of a memorable and one-of-a-kind villain who will give your hero a run for his money and intrigue readers.

THEY SHARE A CONNECTION WITH THE PROTAGONIST 

In real life, we have many adversaries. Some of them are distant—the offensive driver on the highway or that self-serving, flip-flopping politician you foolishly voted for. Those adversaries can create problems for us, but the ones that do the most damage—the ones we find hardest to confront—are those we share a connection with. Parents, siblings, exes, neighbors we see every day, competitors we both admire and envy, people we don’t like who are similar to us in some way…conflicts with these people are complicated because of the emotions they stir up.

The same is true for our protagonists. The most meaningful clashes will be with the people they know. Use this to your advantage. Bring the villain in close and make things personal by engineering a connection between the two characters. Here are a few options for you to work with.

  • Give Them a Shared History. The more history the two have, the more emotion will be involved. Guilt, rage, grief, fear, jealousy, regret, desire—strong feelings like these will add sparks to their interactions. They’ll cloud the protagonist’s judgment and increase the chances their villain will gain an edge.
  • Make Them Reflections of Each Other. What happens when the protagonist sees him or herself in the villain? A seed of empathy forms. The hero feels a connection with the person they have to destroy, which complicates things immensely. Personality traits, flaws, vulnerabilities, wounding events, needs and desires—all of these (and more) can be used to forge a bond that will add complexity and depth to this important relationship.
  • Give Them a Shared Goal. When your hero and your villain are pursuing the same objective, it accomplishes a number of good things. First, it ensures that only one of them can be the victor, pitting them against each other. But they’re also more likely to understand one another. They’ll have different reasons and methods of chasing the dream, but the shared goal can create an emotional connection.

Becca Puglisi—September 5, 2022

The villain’s story is thus one of declining power while the hero’s story is one of rising power…In defeat, the villain’s mastery is handed over to the hero.  The villain’s deficiencies of character have been exposed; the hero’s deficiencies have been corrected.  The two journeys, one the inverse of the other, are completed.

In another article, Scott traces the stages that cause some people to become villains, both in real life and in fiction:

  • The pre-villain is an ordinary person living in an ordinary world that is safe and familiar.
  • Something happens that hurls this ordinary person into the “special world” that is dangerous and unfamiliar.
  • Often this new dangerous world is the world of abuse, with the ordinary person at the receiving end of emotional or physical abuse.
  • Typically, the abuser is a parent, but sometimes another authority figure, peers, or harsh social conditions damage this ordinary person.
  • The ordinary person suffers psychological harm that can assume the form of narcissism, psychopathy, depression, or schizoaffective disorders.
  • This mental illness distorts the ordinary person’s views of themselves and the world, often producing an extreme self-narcissism and/or collective narcissism of their community or nation.
  • The ordinary person remains unaware of their skewed perception of reality and is never able to acknowledge their damaged state nor their need for psychological and/or spiritual help.
  • As a result of their untreated trauma, the villain undergoes terrible suffering, often in private, but is unable to learn or grow from it. Their deep fears and sadness transform into anger.

Okay, that covers the villain’s backstory and motivations but…

What about mysteries where the villain is hidden until the end? How does a writer handle the origin story and motivations when the villain’s point of view is never shown?

We’ve all watched films with the tired old trope where the hero is captured and tied to a chair. Then, because the writer couldn’t think of a less clumsy device, the villain bares their soul to the hero, revealing they were driven to exterminate humanity because they’d been potty-trained at gunpoint.

To avoid that pitfall, Chris Winkle of Mythcreants.com offers these suggestions:

The most important method of showing your villain’s character arc – or any character arc – is demonstrating a change in behavior. If you keep their arc simple enough, that could be all you need. The basic unit of changing behavior would look like this:

  1.  
    1. The villain shows a clear pattern of behavior.
    2. An event occurs that would reasonably impact the villain.
    3. The villain shows a different pattern of behavior. 

Chris outlines several options for the unseen villain’s character arc:

Gain/Loss:

“The villain gains and/or loses something they care deeply about, and that drives their character change. Usually what they gain or lose is a person they love, but it can be anything as long as you can show the audience why it’s so important.”

Obsession: 

“This is a villain that changes their motives during the story because they acquire a new obsession or goal. Often that obsession is the main character, but it also might be a shiny new superpower.”

Revelation: 

“This is a great arc for villains who think they’re doing the right thing and consider all the harm they cause justified. In this arc, they have a revelation that challenges this belief, forcing them to adapt.”

Chris’s summary:

If you want a sympathetic villain and you can afford to give them their own viewpoint, that’s great. Give them a deep arc your audience will remember.

Debbie Burke—September 13, 2022

***

  1. Is it important to you for villains to be likeable? If so, how do you build that likeability?
  2. How much do you consider your villain’s backstory, and also any connection with your hero?
  3. What do you think about the advice Debbie shared about the stages of becoming a villain and showing their character arc?

Reader Friday-Where Am I?

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Easy, fun question for today, TKZers.

If you could be anywhere in the world today except where you are, where would you be?

And, if you’re writing (wherever you are), what are you writing?

 

 

Me? Alaska. Never been there, but maybe some day, eh?

What am I writing?

I’ll let you know when I get there.

🙂

 

 

***

And for more fun . . .

Meet Kimber . . . our new owner! 🙂

 

True Crime Thursday – PageTurner and Pig Butchering

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Public domain photo

by Debbie Burke

Scams that prey on writers’ hopes and dreams have been around for decades. Here at TKZ, we often talk about the barrage of emails, text messages, and phone calls from high-pressure con artists that promise your book is guaranteed to be a NYT bestseller AND a blockbuster film AND a streaming series…if only you pay them fees that range from a few thousand dollars to hundreds of thousands of dollars.

Between 2017 to 2024, an estimated 800 unwary, trusting writers paid more than $44 million to a particularly successful enterprise called PageTurner, Press and Media LLC with offices in Chula Vista, California.

In January 2025, three principals of PageTurner were indicted by the US Attorney’s Office, Southern District of California, with investigation assistance from the FBI and US Postal Inspectors.

Gemma Traya Austin, 58, of Chula Vista, Michael Cris Traya Sordilla, 32, the Philippines, and Bryan Navales Torosa, 34, the Philippines, were arrested and charged with multiple counts of Conspiracy to Commit Mail and Wire Fraud and Conspiracy to Launder Monetary Instruments. Potential penalties are 20 years in prison and fines up to $500,000 or twice the amount laundered.

All three defendants pled not guilty.

Additionally, PageTurner’s website has been shut down.

Back in 2023, the Authors Guild issued warnings based on numerous complaints made by writers who had paid PageTurner large amounts of money but received no value.

Since 2018, watchdog Victoria Strauss and Writer Beware had also been following complaints by victims. She tracked down various company names connected with PageTurner, including Innocentrix Philippines, “an umbrella group for a bumper crop of scams.”

“Pig-butchering” is a scam where victims are pressured to pay increasing fees as the scammers pass victims around among various related entities. Each additional entity requires more money for their supposed service. They claim to be liaisons with film producers and studios, or marketing specialists, or contacts to develop screenplays or “treatments” for film, etc.

Fraudsters fatten up their victims with repeated, escalating demands for payment before “butchering” them for a final big score.

In one horrific case, an author was pressured into spending more than $600,000 for bogus screen treatments, marketing, and PR programs.

The website of a Philippine beauty pageant includes this paragraph about one of the accused:

Michael Cris Traya Sordilla, commonly known as Mike Sordilla, serves as the current chairman of the Hiyas ng Pilipinas organization. A distinguished judge for numerous local and national pageants, Mike Sordilla is also a respected philanthropist, businessman, and socialite. Under his leadership, the organization has reached new heights, establishing itself as one of the most anticipated and celebrated pageant competitions in the country.

The “respected philanthropist” and his two cohorts have remained in custody since December 2024 because they’re considered flight risks. 

Adding insult to injury, a phony law firm is now soliciting victims of PageTurner to represent them for a $1200 free. This notice appears on Writer Beware:

SCAM ALERT: Authors are reporting calls from “US Literary Law Firm” offering “representation” for PageTurner victims for a fee of $1,200. This offer is fraudulent: there is no such law firm.

Because of the large dollar amounts and complexity of evidence in the PageTurner case, court dates have been delayed several times with the most recent update ordering a hearing on August 29, 2025.

If you or any writer you know has been victimized by PageTurner, the FBI issued this request:

If you believe you are a victim of the PageTurner scam, please contact the FBI at AuthorFraud@fbi.gov.

If you or someone you know is age 60 or older and has been a victim of financial fraud, help is available through the National Elder Fraud Hotline: 1-833 FRAUD-11 (1-833-372-8311). You can also report fraud to any local law enforcement agency or on the FBI’s Internet Crime Complaint Center at www.ic3.gov.

Writers are especially vulnerable to scams by con artists who use hopes and dreams as psychological weapons to take advantage of them. When anyone solicits you out of the blue with lofty promises about the fame and success they can deliver for your book, the best practice is to hang up, block the number, and delete emails and texts.

The only promise you can count on from them is that they will financially butcher you.

~~~

Con artists, scammers, and fraudsters are among bad guys and bad gals featured in Debbie Burke’s new writing craft book, The Villain’s Journey-How to Create Villains Readers Love to Hate.

Sales links:

Amazon

Barnes & Noble

Apple Books

Kobo

Franistans, Fornasteins, And The Occasional Blithwhap

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By John Gilstrap

During my 35 years as a firefighter and safety engineer, I conducted a great deal of training to professionals whose products and services I did not fully understand. That lack of understanding could become a problem only if I let that happen because let’s face it: the safety and reporting requirements for a degreaser are largely the same whether you’re degreasing razor blades or gun barrels.

To streamline the teaching process, I created the generic franistans and fornasteins to serve my purposes as I needed them. The two items were always incompatible. If it was an electrical safety class, they’d be of different voltages (or different continents), if they were bits of fire apparatus, the threads wouldn’t line up. And in a hazmat class, god forbid that you store franistan chloride next fornastein sulfate, lest you create a cloud of methyl-ethyl badsh*t.

As an aside, a blithwhap is any item that is not a hammer yet is used as a hammer.

It occurs to me that franistans and fornasteins form the basis of a great deal of science fiction and fantasy. Just because a thing or a planet or a people aren’t real doesn’t mean that they can’t be assigned characteristics that make them real. That’s what this fiction gig is all about. In the case of fantasy in particular, it’s a personal bugaboo of mine that if I cannot pronounce a word in my head, I cannot read the story, and as a result, I know I’m being ejected from a lot of really good storytelling.

Want to know what you got wrong?

I was at a party the other night when the hostess told me how much her husband loves my books, but how he makes notes on details that I get wrong. “He won’t share them if you won’t ask for them, though.”

Hell shall freeze over. And here’s why: 1) her husband is a good friend and he’s got a fully functioning voice box with which he could ask me himself if he wanted to share his insights; 2) the book is already out and the damage already done; and 3) I probably won’t care.

<cue organ chord>

It’s not that I won’t care care, but that the areas of this friend’s expertise are very high-tech, and I will therefore always get things wrong, and the mistakes are of a nature that only he and a dozen other people on the planet would notice. This is the wondrous element of fiction: it’s mostly made up.

If your story needs a bajillion millimeter bombinator to launch a thousand-ton projectile to Mars from Bikini Atoll, I say go for it, but be very careful of the point of view from which you report the launch. If it’s from the POV of a kid on the playground, it’s probably just a big loud rocket ship. If it’s from the POV of launch control, well, you’ve got some serious explaining to do. Start with the chemistry and physics. At its heart, though, the bombinator is just a cousin of the franistan.

I set Burned Bridges, the first in my new Irene River thriller series, in Jenkins County, West Virginia, which might as well be Franistania, West Virginia. Set in the Eastern Panhandle, Jenkins County physically resembles the actual Berkeley, Jefferson, and Morgan Counties that define the Panhandle, but it’s got an entirely different political structure. It’s a fictional nonfiction place.

We all know that guns will get you in trouble when you write about them. The average mystery fan is probably fine knowing that Detective Jones is carrying a pistol. The average thriller fan will want to know that he’s carrying a Glock. My fans will know that he’s carrying a chambered Glock 19 in a Kydex holster on his right side with two spare 17-round magazines on his left.

The point here is to write for the audience you most care about, and accept that someone will always be a little disappointed.

Intermission! Let’s All
Go To The Movies!

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A Brief Intermission | Bruceb Consulting

By PJ Parrish

This was a good week. Found out my dog Archie doesn’t need $800 in dental work. My physical therapy is working wonders on my bad back. And best, I finally got some traction on a short story that I agreed to do for an anthology. In honor of all this, I think I deserve a break. Actually, I admit it. I just ran out of time this week to do a good thoughtful post on writing. So I hope you will give me a hard pass this week. I have a really good post in the works on backstory…I promise.

In meantime, let’s have some fun. I have been bingeing of late on old Turner Classic movies. In the wee wee hours last night it was Joan Crawford in a A Woman’s Face, a twisty noir wherein Joan plays a horribly disfigured woman who will do anything to get her beauty back, including blackmail to pay for a plastic surgeon. Does she start a new life or return to her dark past? A risky part for Joan, who fought hard to star in this remake when Garbo turned it down. Juicy stuff!

Anyway, this movie reminded me of a little quiz I saw in The Atlantic. I had to admit, I had trouble figuring out my answers. So I thought I’d ask you guys. Go get some Sno-caps and fill in the blanks:

1) Worst well-regarded film
2) Most overhyped film (note that this is slightly different from above; the first measures the absolute badness level, while the second measures the delta between reputation and actual quality)
3) Worst film to win a best picture Oscar
4) Most disappointing film (ie should have been good but wasn’t)
5) Worst movie, full stop. (Must have been a major motion picture release–no direct-to-video, or film festival torture tactics, please)
6) Worst movie with good direction (ie terrible script, awful acting, producer interference, etc)
7) Biggest unknown treasure

Here’s my picks:
1. Unforgiven (sorry, Clint)

Cleopatra (1963) - Turner Classic Movies
2. Cleopatra (Just re-watched this on TCM recently. Even stentorious Richard Burton couldn’t save this toga dog)


3. Vintage version: The Greatest Show on Earth (Jimmy Stewart as Buttons, the murdering clown!) Modern version: Crash (a total wreck)
4. Godfather III (no contest. I will die on this hill)

Staying Alive | Rotten Tomatoes
5. Staying Alive (John Travolta as a loincloth-clad Broadway gypsy; a crass sequel attempt to cash in on Saturday Night Fever)
6. 2001. I have watched this a million times and still can’t figure out what the hell is going on at the end.

Harvey's Hellhole: Cinema Paradiso — Crooked Marquee
7. Cinema Paradiso (Okay, so it’s not unknown. It won best foreign film but it’s still my fave “little” movie. I also have a soft spot for Downhill Racer (Robert Redford going against type as a bastard Olympic skier.)

What say you? And thanks for letting me take it easy today. And now….HERE’S JOAN!

Bring Your Setting to Life

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All summer in New England, the heat and humidity has been brutal. There’s a big difference between 90 degrees in dry heat and 90 with humidity so high the heat index rises to triple digits, the air so soupy and thick, even people without breathing problems still struggle to breathe.

We can’t help but complain about how miserable it is. Talking about the weather isn’t pleasant chitchat around here. It’s a serious subject discussed year-round.

Characters from New England will absolutely mention the weather—snow, ice, heat, or humidity—at one point or another. The topic is ingrained in us from birth. If the character never mentioned, or at least thought about, the weather in New England, they would lose all credibility.

Now, I’m not suggesting we include long, boring conversations about the weather. If you choose to include a line or two of dialogue, make it memorable…

“Man, this heat. I feel like a racehorse in last place.”

Or better yet, show us their sweat while exerting energy or their faces numbing from an arctic chill.

Even the shingles sagged, too drained from the heat and humidity to hang on.

Be clear about the weather without telling the reader.

After I weeded my garden yesterday, I rung out my hair, every pore of my body open and crying, sweat stinging my eyes, salt niggling my tastebuds.

The setting should become a character in and of itself. Make the reader experience it as if they were there.

Floridians might scurry to board up windows before a hurricane. Californians might whip up an evacuation plan when wildfires are near. Or maybe, these characters are old pros who aren’t fazed by hurricanes or wildfires and wait till the last minute to prepare. That would tell us a lot about them.

The setting can convey mood, tone, or characterization. It can also become a constant obstacle for the main character as it actively participates in the story.

Heavy downpours are wet and loud and can interfere with one’s ability to hear. What if a secondary character tries to warn the hero via text? Chances are they won’t be able to hear the notification.

What if the electric grid can’t handle the overload of air conditioners? A blackout is rife with possibilities.

What if the full moon brightens the wooded landscape too much? It’s more difficult to hide in the light.

Tips to describe the setting:

Sensory Details: Don’t only include visual elements. Vivid descriptions use all five senses to bring the setting to life. Every character interprets the setting differently. One might revel in a star-filled sky, where the other can’t see past the army of mosquitos.

Dynamic Changes: Depending on where you choose to set your story, the setting can evolve over time. Environmental changes, mood, or plot events all impact the setting.

Emotional Connection: A well-developed setting can evoke strong emotions in the characters and readers, like New Englanders this summer.

Symbolism: The setting can also have a symbolic meaning that might reflect and/or contrast with the theme(s) or characters. Hiding symbolism within the plot is also a ton of fun.

Take your time when deciding where to set your story. If you’re unfamiliar with the area, take a trip or find a local. Social media is an excellent resource for this. A local will be able to tell you about the community, weather, landmarks, and add rich, visceral details that you can’t find anywhere else.

Where does your WIP take place? How do you incorporate setting into the plot?

Competent and Forgettable Fiction

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by James Scott Bell
@jamesscottbell

We have a first page for critique today, with a twist. Read on to find out what it is,

Chapter One

The first scream barely made it through the hotel’s thick glass windows. But the second one cut through like a blade. Jack Rainer froze mid-step in the hallway of the Bellamy Grand, a five-star fortress in downtown Chicago. Rain hammered the city like it wanted to wash the whole thing away. Jack tilted his head. Third floor. Same as him. Room 314—just ahead.

He slipped his hand inside his jacket and felt the cold steel of the Glock. Habit. He hadn’t carried it in years, but tonight something told him to bring it. Instinct, maybe. Or guilt.

Another crash. Glass. A woman’s voice, shrill and panicked, yelling something unintelligible. Jack moved fast now, heart kicking into gear. He reached the door and pressed his ear against it. Silence. Too much silence.

He knocked twice, sharp and hard.

“Hotel security,” he lied.

Nothing.

He glanced up and down the hall, then used the heel of his boot to break the latch. The door slammed open.

The suite was trashed. Blood on the floor. A single high heel by the window. And a man’s body slumped in the chair, head tilted at an impossible angle.

Jack muttered, “Welcome back.”

***

JSB: I’ll let the proverbial cat out of the bag right now. The above was generated by ChatGPT, to the prompt: Write a 200 word opening page to a thriller.

I just wanted to see what it came up. My overall impression is this is a cliché-ridden, implausible scenario with nothing in the style to set it apart.

First cliché: Naming the character Jack. We have more than enough Jacks. Jack is no longer nimble in the thriller world.

Second cliché: cold steel. How many times have we seen that? Not as many as Chat, which has “read” every book on the planet.

Implausibility: If this is a “five-star fortress” hotel, a kick isn’t going to break any latch or slam the door open.

I pointed this out to Chat. It responded:

Great point—and you’re absolutely right to question that. A “five-star fortress” hotel would likely have solid, reinforced doors, especially for privacy and security. Kicking one in would not only be implausible for a lone individual, it would also make a huge racket—drawing attention and making the act feel more like an action movie than a grounded thriller.

To keep it realistic and suspenseful, we can revise that part. For example, Jack could use a hotel passkey he lifted from a distracted staffer earlier, or maybe he knows an old trick from his past life that lets him manipulate a door latch in seconds—something subtle and skill-based rather than brute force.

Well, at least it takes helpful criticism (it’s probably already sucked up last week’s post).

The writing itself is competent. That’s not a virtue. Marian Lizzi, editor-in-chief at Perigee Books (an imprint of Penguin Group USA) once wrote about reasons a submitted book gets turned down by a publishing company. Among them was the following:

Not remarkable/surprising/ unputdownable enough. This one is the most difficult to articulate – and yet in many ways it’s the most important hurdle to clear. Does the proposal get people excited? Will sales reps and buyers be eager to read it – and then eager to talk it up themselves?  

As my first boss used to warn us green editorial assistants two decades ago, the type of submission that’s the toughest to spot – and the most essential to avoid — is the one that is “skillful, competent, literate, and ultimately forgettable.”

That’s what we’re flooded with these days—competent and forgettable fiction. Not the kind that has readers going Ah at the end, but Meh. This does not create what we authors desire most—repeat readers who become super fans.

I won’t go into further detail on how I would change today’s submission from our “brave (new world) author.” I’ll leave that to you. Does this pass our “I would turn the page” test? What would you suggest to improve it?

What We Do

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If and when the apocalypse finally happens and I survive, I’m gonna be the most pissed-off human left on the earth. I can’t stand for my hair to be long, and I have to shave every day. The stubble under my neck drives me crazy, and all the Road Warrior gangs better steer clear.

I finally found a real barbershop. Not a hair salon, stylist center, hair spa, or hair stylist. It’s an old-school barbershop with hair on the floor, slightly uncomfortable chairs, and the smell of Barbicide or Pinaud, with an undertone of cigars and pipe smoke.

A rack of magazines sits beside the door, ranging from shooting sports, hunting, cars, or anything with Texas in the title.

The two barbers who’ve retired from either law enforcement or the military. How do I know? Their own haircuts, tattoos, and the subject matter they discuss. I haven’t asked, though.

Most of the time I simply walk in and one of them is available, scissors in hand and lightly clicking as if waiting for a head.

Today was different. Both chairs were occupied, and I was in a hurry. A lively discussion about wild hogs bounced back and forth between the barbers and one customer who was draped and seated.

A redheaded gentleman sat beside a mom concentrating on her phone, waiting for her son’s fancy haircut to be finished. Beside him, a bent man with hair whiter than my own listened to the exchange, hands on the head of his cane and smiling as if he knew a secret.

Barber One stepped back to judge the length of his young project’s sideburns. “Well, I believe we can’t kill enough hogs. I hear there are nearly three million of them in the state.”

Feral hogs are so destructive to crops and land, it’s estimated they cost Texans between $400 to $500 million dollars each year. They’re dangerous to humans and animals, destroy habitat, and carry communicative diseases that can be passed on to livestock.

Redhead chuckled. “About half of them are rooting up my pasture.”

“I heard Constable Rick killed one off his porch the other morning,” I said.

Barber One shook his head. “Well, that leaves two million, nine hundred ninety-nine more.”

Barber Two paused, thinking. “How many piglets can a feral sow have at a time?”

“Six to twelve,” I recalled. “Usually six, I’ve heard, but I don’t know anyone who goes out and counts them.”

“Well, then we’re back up to three million and five by now, as fast as those things reproduce.”

The discussion continued until it was my time in the chair. He shook out the drape and clipped it around my neck.

“What are we doing for you today?”

“Short. No skin showing.”

“Got it.”

The youngster stepped down from Barber One’s chair, to be replaced by the white-haired man who creaked his way to the chair and settled in. I met the elderly gentleman’s eyes and he nodded a hello.

The barber wrapped his neck. “How are we cutting today, sir?”

“Make it look good, like it’s not a fresh cut.”

“Trying to make an impression?”

“I have a lot of people coming to visit.”

“Birthday. Anniversary?”

“Funeral.”

“Sorry to hear. Hope it wasn’t someone close.”

“About as close as it can be. It’s me.”

I raised an eyebrow, waiting for the punchline.

The elderly man smiled. “I’m dying.”

Barber Two chuckled. “Aren’t we all.”

I closed my eyes, listening.

“No. Really. The doctors released me a few days ago after I was in the hospital for several weeks. Said my kidneys are failing and there’s nothing else they can do. Sent me home with hospice.” He sighed. “I have a kidney infection now, and they figure I won’t see Monday.”

My barber paused. “Well, doctors don’t know everything.”

“They don’t, but I know how I feel.” He chuckled and I cracked an eye open again. He was honestly cheerful, and I still thought he was setting us up.

“But it’s okay. I’ve done it all. I was married to a wonderful woman who’s already up there waiting for me. My daughters are successful businesswomen and moms, and my son’ll come to his senses one of these days. Maybe this’ll straighten him out.

“I’ve traveled the world, vacationed in every state. Hunting and fished here in the U.S., shot big game in Africa, caught marlin from blue water and sailed on a big three-masted schooner.”

The shop was silent. Even their scissors weren’t clicking.

“I’ve driven good cars, eaten fine food, though I still think home fried chicken is best, and watched good people do great things.”

Barber One started to speak, but had to stop and clear his throat. “So you figure you needed a haircut.”

“Wanted to take one last thing off my list.” The gentleman’s smile was as wide as a four-lane highway. “I have most everything else taken care of. Gave my guns away to son-in-laws and good friends who’re still young enough to use them.

“I just wish I could hunt quail one more time. I miss that most, following dogs on a chilly morning. I wonder if quail and dogs will be in heaven.” He paused, veering off again. “No matter. You know, I’m looking forward to seeing my mama again.”

A few minutes later, Barber Two gave my shoulder a pat and spun me around to face the big mirror on the wall. “All finished.”

Apparently, my instructions weren’t clear enough. My hair looked as if I’d just joined the military. “Well, thanks.”

I stepped outside to consider my new head and what I’d heard. It was a lot to absorb, and I was still standing there when the old gentleman came outside.

He gave me that same wide grin and I couldn’t help but smile, too. “I know you.”

“You do?”

“Yep, I’ve been reading your newspaper columns for years, and most of your books, though that spooky one was a little much. Reading this last few years has been all I can do, so your stories have help passed the time.”

We stood there for a second before I held out my hand. “Thanks for reading my work.”

He nodded. “Not much to say, is there?” He shifted his cane and paused. “I’d rather have a hug, if it’s all the same to you.”

There in front of the barbershop, we hugged, and I let him be the one to step back. He winked. “Good luck.”

I patted his shoulder. “At least you got a better haircut than this one.”

“That’s what I was thinking,” he said and walked slowly away.

On the way home, other similar conversations came to mind, and that’s the purpose of this discussion. As writers, we’re entertainers, and our work is impactful in more ways than we expect. More than once I’ve heard my brother from another mother, John Gilstrap, say we’re entertainers, and that’s the God’s honest truth.

During a signing at the Barnes and Noble in Garland, Texas, about five years ago, a woman asked me to sign a stack of books bearing my name. “I have your new one here, but these others belonged to my husband.”

For once I knew when to keep my mouth shut, so I waited.

“He died a month ago from cancer, and your books helped him get through the chemo and these last months. He made me promise to buy everything you write, because he was such a big fan.”

Eyes stinging, I stepped around the signing table, and we stood there with our arms around each other long enough for a couple of other fans to tear up. My allergies must have been acting up, because my eyes watered for a long time after that.

Not getting too deep into a friend’s life, but a woman I’ve known for several years also gave my earlier books to her son who was suffering from cancer. He had a rough time of it, and at the end, she and his young wife read aloud to him when he could no longer focus. I had the honor of talking with him on the phone from across the country and had to clear my voice several times. We visited until his strength went that day and he was gone not long after that.

Don’t underestimate your work. It will impact others, and you probably won’t even know about it.