By PJ Parrish
This was a good week. Found out my dog Archie doesn’t need $800 in dental work. My physical therapy is working wonders on my bad back. And best, I finally got some traction on a short story that I agreed to do for an anthology. In honor of all this, I think I deserve a break. Actually, I admit it. I just ran out of time this week to do a good thoughtful post on writing. So I hope you will give me a hard pass this week. I have a really good post in the works on backstory…I promise.
In meantime, let’s have some fun. I have been bingeing of late on old Turner Classic movies. In the wee wee hours last night it was Joan Crawford in a A Woman’s Face, a twisty noir wherein Joan plays a horribly disfigured woman who will do anything to get her beauty back, including blackmail to pay for a plastic surgeon. Does she start a new life or return to her dark past? A risky part for Joan, who fought hard to star in this remake when Garbo turned it down. Juicy stuff!
Anyway, this movie reminded me of a little quiz I saw in The Atlantic. I had to admit, I had trouble figuring out my answers. So I thought I’d ask you guys. Go get some Sno-caps and fill in the blanks:
1) Worst well-regarded film
2) Most overhyped film (note that this is slightly different from above; the first measures the absolute badness level, while the second measures the delta between reputation and actual quality)
3) Worst film to win a best picture Oscar
4) Most disappointing film (ie should have been good but wasn’t)
5) Worst movie, full stop. (Must have been a major motion picture release–no direct-to-video, or film festival torture tactics, please)
6) Worst movie with good direction (ie terrible script, awful acting, producer interference, etc)
7) Biggest unknown treasure
Here’s my picks:
1. Unforgiven (sorry, Clint)
2. Cleopatra (Just re-watched this on TCM recently. Even stentorious Richard Burton couldn’t save this toga dog)
3. Vintage version: The Greatest Show on Earth (Jimmy Stewart as Buttons, the murdering clown!) Modern version: Crash (a total wreck)
4. Godfather III (no contest. I will die on this hill)
5. Staying Alive (John Travolta as a loincloth-clad Broadway gypsy; a crass sequel attempt to cash in on Saturday Night Fever)
6. 2001. I have watched this a million times and still can’t figure out what the hell is going on at the end.
7. Cinema Paradiso (Okay, so it’s not unknown. It won best foreign film but it’s still my fave “little” movie. I also have a soft spot for Downhill Racer (Robert Redford going against type as a bastard Olympic skier.)
What say you? And thanks for letting me take it easy today. And now….HERE’S JOAN!
I’m not much of a movie person. I’ve only seen one on your list. Not saying which one.
I’m not a movie person, so I only knew one of the movies you mentioned (Cleopatra) and I don’t think I saw it but I remember the hype. I think the last movie I watched was “Something’s Got to Give”. I’m interested in seeing what others think.
I was really hung up on the Cleopatra hype when it came out…I was just a kid. When I re-watch it now, I am truly impressed with the crowd scenes, which used real live human beings, compared to the computer-generated masses we get now. Which is one of the many reasons Ben Hur remains one of my favorite movies. Hard to believe that chariot scene was live.
Unforgiven: yeah, a real clunker. Disappointing.
Staying Alive: Don’t tell anyone but I was the president of the John Travolta Fan Club. For real; it’s a long story.
2001: A Space Odyssey: It’s about transcendence. Sublime.
Cinema Paradiso: A real gem. Made me cry.
P.S. I love movies. Always have. Back in my college days, I snuck into the U.T.-Austin student union theater to watch the classics. So when I moved to L.A., did I get into the movie business? No. I went into print (magazines), and started writing. And now, after all these years, I’m finally wrapping up my first movie screenplay. It’s taken me decades, but I feel like I’m coming home in a way. Back to the movies.
I love Travolta. In almost anything. But that movie was such a hot mess. I was working as a dance critic at the time so I HAD to go see it to review. So disappointed after his performance in SNFever. But even he couldn’t save that script. Sigh…
And yeah, that ending of Cinema Paradiso is a sob-fest. 🙂
Good luck on the screenplay. I took a good class in screenwriting once. Realized I didn’t have it in me, but it really helped my fiction.
This is a fun, Kris.
#1. I almost wrote Springsteen, but then remembered this was about movies. I’m sure there are MANY candidates over the last 20 years, the very years I pretty much stopped watching new movies.
#2. This one’s easy: Bringing Up Baby. Unfunny, groan-worthy fare that’s often called the best of the “screwball comedies.” Er, not. The Awful Truth is, or perhaps any of half a dozen Preston Sturges movies.
#3. Around the World in 80 Days.
#4. Heaven’s Gate.
#5. At Long Last Love.
#6. Kubrick owns this category. Barry Lyndon, Eyes Wide Shut.
#7. Scarecrow (Hackman and Pacino)
Ha! Am not gonna bite on your Bruce bait.
Agree wholeheartedly with all your choices, esp Bringing Up Baby. I just don’t get it. But we will agree to disagree on Barry Lyndon. Kinda like that one, as slow as it is.
We belonged to a movie club for years where six of the nine members were from countries other than the U.S. The way it worked was the host family would choose the movie and we would all watch it in the month leading up to the meeting. Then we’d meet at the host’s home for dinner and discussion. We watched a variety of movies we may not have seen if it was just up to Frank and me. Cinema Paradiso was one of them.
Some of the movies I would list as little treasures were:
Mon Oncle
Fitzcarraldo
Footnote
The Bicycle Thief
Ushpizin
Our lovely movie club broke up a few years ago when people went in different directions. I miss it.
I love that idea of a movie club. I have a friend who “meets” with his daughter every week over a rented movie, though they live in different states. They trade off the choice then sync up to watch and then discuss. Have seen only three of your gems, alas, but agree.
As a huge fan of movie riffing–Mystery Science Theater 3000, Rifftrax etc–there are so many “worst movies” of all time candidates. Many would choose Ed Wood’s “Plan 9 From Outer Space,” while others would say it was “Manos: The Hands of Fate,” but there’s plenty of competition.
My own #7 is “The Big Lebowski.” Also not unknown, but my wife and I saw it on a Saturday night during it’s initial release and the theater was less than half full, and only about a third of the audience, ourselves included, were laughing our heads off. Now it’s considered a cult classic.
I miss Mystery Science Theater. (Is is still on somewhere?) One of my faves from there was They Saved Hitler’s Brain. 🙂
First time I saw Lebowski, didn’t really like it. More viewings proved I was wrong. Such is the way with cult classics.
Another movie that took me two viewings to like is Napoleon Dynamite.
I tried. I really tried. Maybe I need a stiff drink first. 🙂
FWIW MST3K has its own YouTube channel which plays classic MST3K episodes 24-7. Some of my fellow sci-fi nerds disagreed with me, but I loved the noir movies they ran as well, like “Daddy-O” and “The Rebel Set.” Then there was Joe Don Baker in the classic “Mitchell” riff. RIP.