Lost (and Found) in Translation?

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by Debbie Burke

@burke_writer

A Japanese-born friend recently gave me a new challenge that pushed me to closely examine how to use words, language, nuance, and idioms.

Yoshimi Yamamoto-Derks had been asked by her former teacher to translate his writings from Japanese to English. He is a Nature Essence producer and the subject was essences, described on this website. His series of short essays was a combination of poetry and philosophy meant to expand one’s thinking and emotions in more positive directions assisted by the use of various essences.

Yoshimi Yamamoto-Derks

Yoshimi also works with flower essences, as described on her website Inspired Energy Healing. In this photo, she demonstrated her techniques to me in the middle of a canola field in full bloom.

Yoshimi Yamamoto-Derks and Debbie Burke

When we initially talked about her translating job Yoshimi explained some concepts were already difficult to comprehend even in her native tongue. She asked me, “If Japanese people have a hard time understanding, how can people who speak English understand?”

Simply plugging Japanese characters into Google Translate to change the words to English wouldn’t work.  A simple translation like “Where is the restroom?” is concrete and straightforward. But philosophical and emotional concepts are intangible and difficult to verbalize.

Yoshimi’s comprehension of English is excellent, especially in subtle differences of tone and nuance. But she was struggling with effective ways to express her teacher’s poetic writings. After she translated his essays from Japanese to English, she asked me to review the English version for comprehension and readability.

She sent a four-page Word doc which I red-penned, rearranging sentences for clarity and flow, deleting or changing a few words. But I still had a number of questions, so we met in person to discuss them.The screen shot below is blurry but shows the many strikethroughs, as we reworked the descriptions.

Each essence has a name that describes its purpose. For instance, the essence “Mercury 360 Degrees” improves communication. “360 degrees” refers to the ability to look in every direction for understanding.

Yoshimi’s initial translation read: “As if today were the very first day it was born, communication between people and between beings flows directly.”

The subject of the sentence needed to be more specific than “it.” We decided it meant communication and the writer was describing how communication begins. After rearranging the word order, we came up with: “If today were the first day of birth, communication flows directly between people and between beings.”

The next paragraph was more difficult: “Be free from any influences and transcend the filters of the world I create, and just to listen from anyone, and to create relationships in a new paradigm beyond illusion.”

We split those thoughts into two sentences and used parallel construction to make them easier to understand.

“Transcend the filters of the world I create to be free from any influences. Listen to everyone and create relationships in a new paradigm beyond illusion.”

 

Another essence name was “Respectful Concession.”

Original version: “Not to forget respect equally to everyone who you encounter and see.”

That one was easy: “Remember to equally respect everyone you encounter.”

 

Flame Sword essence said: “I cannot stay as I am. I would like to accomplish myself.”

Hmm. How does one accomplish oneself? In Japanese, the phrase works. But in English, the verb accomplish acts on the object myself, which doesn’t make grammatical sense.

Revision: “I cannot stay as I am. Without accomplishment, I cannot complete myself.”

The description goes on: “Burning away everything that appears in my path without hesitation, an unstoppable flame of complete accomplishment.”

After reworking: “An unstoppable flame of accomplishment burns everything in my path without hesitation.”

 

The next section titled “Retraction” was particularly tough:

“I have been bound by what I said and swore previously, remove the wedge from the ‘castle in the sand’ that I have built upon it.

Retract all what I said and swore that had created my world, and return to ‘myself’ that it is possibility itself.”

A comma splice in the first sentence joined two distinct thoughts that didn’t link to each other.

The first was how past statements restrict present thoughts and ideas. Okay, that’s easy enough.

But the “wedge” and “the castle in the sand that I have built upon it” stumped us. What did wedge mean? Driving a wedge into sand didn’t make sense because as soon as the wedge is removed, sand immediately fills the empty space. A castle built on sand indicates a lack of strong structure to support it. Was the wedge meant to represent a metaphorical Jenga game? Could a wedge be removed without the whole sandcastle falling down?

Yoshimi texted the writer in Japan, which is 15 hours ahead of our location in Montana, and asked him what he meant. A short time later, he texted back a photo of the interior wood framing of a building. An arrow pointed at the wedge, which is evidently Japanese construction jargon for a support piece that holds framing together.

He also included an example sentence: The business plan was built like a castle upon sand.

Okay, that matched our initial impression of a flimsy, unstable foundation. Once we removed the troublesome word “wedge” from the concept, it made much more sense in English.

Revision: “I have been bound by what I said and swore previously. I built a world out of illusions and now I must repeal those illusions to return to the possibility of myself.”

We also changed the section name from “Retraction” to “Repeal.”

 

Blue Dragon Eyes essence helps to:

“Discern what is not me and cut away and purge unnecessary energy.”

Because energy is generally perceived as a positive quality, the adjective unnecessary gave the wrong connotation. We consulted the online Thesaurus for better descriptors. We found superfluous, excessive, needless, exorbitant, etc. None sounded right.

I mentioned the English idiom of “spinning one’s wheels.” That means expending energy uselessly while accomplishing nothing. Yoshimi agreed that was the correct concept. We kept digging deeper in the Thesaurus. Unproductive, pointless, wasted, unprofitable. We finally settled on two possibilities: Unproductive or fruitless (which was more in keeping with the poetic style).

Yoshimi’s final revision: “Discern what is not me. Cut away and purge unproductive energy.”

 

The last example turned out to be funny.

Essence name: “Start to Create the New World.”

“You pen visions you truly desire.”

To me, you pen visions means that you write down your deepest wishes to help make them come true. I explained that pen can be used as a verb in a poetic, somewhat archaic way to say write. For about 10 minutes, we talked about how to preserve the poetry in the writer’s thoughts yet still be clear to the reader.

Then Yoshimi reread the sentence again. “Oh!” she said. “That’s a typo. Pen should read Open.” We had a good laugh over how one small typo can inadvertently take on significance that was never meant.

After more than two hours, we had taxed our brains to the max.

As TKZers are aware, expressing yourself in your native language is challenging enough. Trying to understand and accurately interpret idioms, jargon, shades of meaning, nuances, and connotations is difficult. Converting them to a different language requires a whole ‘nother level of concentration and contemplation.

Even one word can change the meaning of a sentence. “Purge unnecessary energy” is quite different from “Purge unproductive energy.”

This exercise taught me insights into divergent thought patterns and styles of expression. Explaining the subtle underlying meanings of words and ideas forced to me sharpen my own verbal skills to make my explanations clear, accurate, and understandable.

Years ago, I worked at a business with mostly Spanish-speaking employees. One day, a young man named Ricardo was trying to describe how angry the business owner had been with an especially troublesome customer. Ricardo said, “The boss look like he was going to eat him.” You couldn’t say it more clearly and vividly than that!

One final essence is called “Repose in Dream.”

After our brain workout, Yoshimi and I both reposed well in dreams that night.

~~~

TKZers: If you speak another language, what concepts, words, or jargon do you find difficult to express?

Please share your favorite idioms.

~~~

Limited time Summer Special! Try Instrument of the Devil, the first book in the Tawny Lindholm Thriller series for FREE! If you like it, binge on more fast-moving adventures featuring the spirited, intrepid investigator. 

Series sales link

 

 

 

 

 

 

Coming soon! Fruit of the Poisonous Tree, Tawny Lindholm Thriller #9

Cover by Brian Hoffman

It’s IBM PC Day

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“I think it’s fair to say that personal computers have become the most empowering tool we’ve ever created. They’re tools of communication, they’re tools of creativity, and they can be shaped by their user.” –Bill Gates

* * *

I’m not sure I can agree with Mr. Gates about PCs being “the most empowering tool we’ve ever created.” There are a few other foundational things mankind has invented that are pretty good: the wheel, the printing press, indoor plumbing 😊. But Bill Gates isn’t the only person wired about the use of personal computers. You can find plenty of other quotes to store in the same file. For example:

“The digital revolution is far more significant than the invention of writing or even of printing.” –Douglas Engelbart

Whether you soar to such heights of computerized adoration or stay with your hands firmly fixed on the keyboard, there’s no doubting the obvious. Personal computers have revolutionized the practice of writing books.

* * *

For example, Elaine Viets wrote a TKZ post a couple of weeks ago about typewriters that took us back to the days of mammoth Underwood machines, carbon paper, and whiteout and made us appreciate even more our personal computers and software.

“I am thankful the most important key in history was invented. It’s not the key to your house, your car, your boat, your safety deposit box, your bike lock or your private community. It’s the key to order, sanity, and peace of mind. The key is ‘Delete.’” –Elayne Boosler

* * *

So it’s only right that we celebrate August 12 as IBM PC Day since that was the date in 1981 when IBM released its first personal computer, the 5150.

IBM was late getting into the personal computer market, arriving after Apple, Commodore, and Tandy had already grabbed a share of the new users. But given the opportunity for growth in that field, IBM jumped in and developed the 5150 in just one year.

In order to get to market quickly, IBM contracted with a little-known software company named Microsoft to supply the operating system for the new PC.

The reaction to IBM’s entry in the personal computer domain was immediate. According to Wikipedia,

Reception was overwhelmingly positive, with analysts estimating sales volume in the billions of dollars in the first few years after release. After release, IBM’s PC immediately became the talk of the entire computing industry. Dealers were overwhelmed with orders, including customers offering pre-payment for machines with no guaranteed delivery date. By the time the machine began shipping, the term “PC” was becoming a household name.

Sales exceeded IBM’s expectations by as much as 800% (9x), with the company at one point shipping as many as 40,000 PCs per month.

The phenomenal success of the IBM PC changed the face of personal computing and created a watershed moment in the history of writing.

* * *

Although the ability to record words has been around for thousands of years, the strides made in the last fifty years have been dramatic. Along with the advent of the personal computer and word processing software, a host of applications have arisen to help authors get their books written well and published quickly. Thewritepractice.com lists ten of the best software apps for writers:

  1. Scrivener
  2. Google Docs
  3. Dabble
  4. Google Sheets OR Microsoft Excel
  5. Vellum
  6. ProWritingAid
  7. Publisher Rocket
  8. Atticus
  9. Freedom
  10. Microsoft Word

These advances (and more) help us write and deliver our books in a timely manner. But they are just tools for the writer. The real work comes from within as noted by JK Rowling below:

“I wrote first 2 Potters by hand and typed them on a 10 yr old typewriter. All a writer needs is talent and ink.” –JK Rowling

* * *

So TKZers: How have PCs changed your life? What was your first PC? Do you use any of the software listed? What other apps do you use to help you get your books written and published?

 

It’s the twenty-first century. Cassie Deakin learns that cops may have sophisticated equipment, but it still takes clear thinking and hard work to corner a murderer.

Available at  Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Kobo, Google Play, or Apple Books.

The Art of the Outline

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by James Scott Bell
@jamesscottbell

[NOTE: I had this post prepped before seeing yesterday’s Words of Wisdom. Consider this an adjunct to that discussion and let’s continue the conversation in the comments.]

Partial of J. K. Rowling’s outline for Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix

At my first ThrillerFest I went to listen to a panel of writers talking about their working methods. I was a bit late to the packed proceedings, so found myself a place to stand in the back. A minute or so later a writer of some repute came in and took the spot next to me.

At about that time writer Andrew Gross was talking about working with Mr. James Patterson (I think Gross was the first, or at least among the first, of the Patterson co-writers). He went into detail about the single-spaced, eighty-page outlines favored by the world’s bestselling novelist.

At which point the writer next to me issued an anguished sigh. He sounded like Sisyphus looking down the hill after his rock rolled back to the bottom.

After the panel, as we walked out, I said to him, “I take it you don’t favor outlines.”

To which Lee Child said, “I don’t even know what I’m going to write in the next paragraph.”

And there we have the two ends of the spectrum on the perennial question new writers ask: Should I outline my novel before I write it?

We all know there are various opinions on the matter. Generally the issue is robustly discussed, with pros and cons, and usually ends with, “Well, do whatever works for you.”

At the extreme ends, however, you will often be treated to voluble zealotry. I call these camps the NOPs and the COPs—“Never Outline People” and “Copious Outline People.”

Your hard-core NOP will often assert that never, under any circumstances, unless you are a complete and utter doofus, must you ever attempt to outline, in any form or fashion, lest your story become an empty shell or bloodless ruin.

I find such conviction fascinating, for nothing in art, or even life, is a matter of such certainty.

Those pressing for the copious outline can also be a bit too fervid in their advocacy.

There are, of course, some famous “pantsers,” such as Mr. Child and Stephen King. Both extol the value of their approach. But I herein offer a theory: those guys, because of their backgrounds (Child from TV, King from voracious reading as a kid) have story and structure wired into them. The outlines are actually there, unfolding in their heads. They’re not so purely NOP after all.

And there are famous outliners, with J. K. Rowling and James Patterson at the head of that class.

My conclusion: all ultimately successful writers outline, whether they write it down beforehand, house it in their brains as they go along, or some mix of both.

Further, outlining should be considered an art. And as with any art, the more you practice, the better you get at it.

I thought about this recently as I revisited the first craft book I ever studied, Writing the Novel by Lawrence Block. He has an entire chapter on outlining. His definition is as follows: “An outline is a tool which a writer uses to simplify the task of writing a novel and to improve the ultimate quality of that novel by giving himself more of a grasp on its overall structure.”

He quickly adds: “Because the outline is prepared solely for the benefit of the writer himself, it quite properly varies from one author to another and from one novel to another.”

That’s where the art comes in. No two jazz pianists are alike, but they all know the scales.

Among the NOPs there is an assertion bandied about which Block traces to the sci-fi writer Theodore Sturgeon: “If the writer doesn’t know what’s going to happen next…the reader can’t possibly know what’s going to happen next.”

Block doesn’t think this “logic” holds up. “Just because a writer worked things out as he went along is no guarantee that the book he’s produced won’t be obvious and predictable. Conversely, the use of an extremely detailed outline does not preclude the possibility that the book will read as though it had been written effortlessly and spontaneously….”

Block does not advocate the “copious” outline, but rather chapter-by-chapter paragraphs to describe the action in each, using only enough detail “so that the storyline makes sense.”

Nor is the writer chained to the outline. Inevitably, things grow and change as you write. In those places, Block emphasizes, be ready to deviate from and rework the outline.

That’s the art of it. Like a jazz riff, but still ending up with a coherent tune with an overall structure. (Yes, there is a school—a small school—of music eschewing any effort at tonal coherence, which creates an effect similar to having your head peppered with a nail gun. But I digress.)

My own practice is to outline 14 “signpost scenes” (explained fully in Super Structure). It gives my story coherence (kind of important for readers) and meaning (the latter by way of the “mirror moment”), but also gives me the freedom to riff my way from signpost to signpost.

I actually do my “pantsing” before I lay out my scenes. I start what I call a “white-hot document,” which is me writing fast, following my synapses wherever they lead. (David Morrell does much the same thing, asking and answering questions like “Why?” and “So what?”)

I’ll open each day by revising, cutting, and adding to the document. This is fun and exciting, as the story begins to bubble up and, most important, take shape.

Finally, I start laying out the signpost scenes and brainstorming scenes I’d like to see. Then off I go and write the thing.

I’ll leave the last word with a writer named Dean Koontz, who I’ve heard has sold a few books:

Occasionally I encounter a critic or a would-be writer who believes that an author should let his characters create the entire plot as they act it out. According to this theory, any pre-planned plot line is hopelessly artificial, and it is supposedly preferable for the writer to discover the direction of the story only as the characters discover it. In some arcane fashion, this is supposed to lead to a more “natural” plot.

Balderdash.

When a master furniture maker crafts a splendid Queen Anne-style table, is he being “artificial” merely because he follows an established pattern? Are the paintings of Andrew Wyeth “artificial” because the artist limits himself to a painstakingly realistic rendition of our world?

The answers to both of those questions are, of course, the same: No!

***

If a writer allows his characters to seize total control, he is actually allowing his subconscious mind to write the book without benefit of the more sober and steady guidance of his conscious intellect, and the result is fiction as formless and purposeless as much of what takes place in the real world, precisely the kind of fiction that frustrates most readers. (How to Write Best-Selling Fiction)

Comments welcome.

Plotting Words of Wisdom

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Learning how to effectively plot stories and novels was one of the keys to eventual publication for me. Reading Plot and Structure by our very own James Scott Bell got me started on the path to being able to write fiction that succeeded in engaging and immersing readers in a compelling storyline.

Today’s Words of Wisdom shares three excerpts of TKZ posts from 2011-2013, each providing useful advice on the fine art of plotting your fiction. Interestingly, each one was originally published in May—perhaps there’s a special plotting vibe to that month. More likely it’s just coincidence, but we fictioneers live to find meaning, so, after finding these three wonderful post I like to think of May as being unofficial plotting fiction month.

First, Joe Moore presents screenplay 9-Act Structure. Then, Claire Langley-Hawthorne looks at a powerful tip from JSB’s Plot and Structure on his LOCK and strengthening a potentially sagging middle of a novel . Finally,  P.J. Parrish shows how to plot visually.

When I looked into plot structure for fiction—while I was still delusional about having the capability to actually plot—I found references to the Nine-Act Screenplay Structure. This is the basic framework of today’s blockbuster movies. You’ll see 3-Acts and 12-Acts, but I played with this version below as a format and had some success in conceptually plotting one or two of my earlier stories. Ah, the ambiguity…

It’s my belief that once your brain grasps the concept of this structure, you may automatically follow the idea whether you’re aware of it or not. As a visual learner, it helped me to draft this and embed it in my brain, like a time bomb triggered to go off when I sat in front of my computer.

The 9-Act structure is similar to the classic Hero’s Journey that you may have seen, but I thought this would be interesting to talk about. See what you think. Would something like this work for writing a novel?

Word of Caution – Once you see this framework, you may not enjoy movies the same way again. Just sayin’…

Nine-Act Screenplay Structure

Act 0—During Opening Credits First 5 Minutes (film time)
What strikes the conflict—sets it up—event years earlier may plant the seed of conflict

Act 1—Opening Image—The Panoramic Crane Shot Next 5 Minutes

Act 2—Something Bad Happens 5 Minutes
In a crime story, it’s usually the murder—Reveal the bad front man, but hold off on the introduction of the bad head honcho until later

Act 3—Meet Hero/Protagonist 15 minutes
Meet hero—give him 3 plot nudges to push him to commit

Act 4—Commitment 5-10 Minutes
The push—Usually one scene that’s a door to Act 5—1-way door, no turning back

Act 5—Go for wrong goal – approx. 30 minutes est.
A series of 8-12 min. cycles called whammos or complications followed by a rest period of 5 minutes or so to uncover some of the backstory. End this act with the lowest point for the protagonist. The dark moment.

Act 6—Reversal 5-10 Minutes—Usually 70 Minutes into the Film
The last clue discovered—Now Act 2 makes sense—It is the low point, a history lesson usually revealed by the bad guy/honcho—but reveals the Achilles heel of the nemesis too.

Act 7—Go for New Goal 15-20 Minutes
The clock is ticking—Hero has a new plan. The action seesaws back and forth with nemesis and hero gaining & losing ground between each other—usually takes place in 24 hours within the context of the movie. Favors are repaid, magic, good luck happens. The new plan is kept secret. New goal is achieved.

Act 8—Wrap it Up 5 minutes
Back to where it all began—a feeling of accomplishment & rebirth—the world restored. Ahh!

Now having outlined this plotting structure, I’m not sure if following something like this (without deviation) would hamper creativity by providing too much framework. This would be like “the rules” of writing. Maybe rules are there to be understood, but we shouldn’t be afraid to break them either.

I tend to “think” about my book ahead of time and let my brain ponder what I call my “big ticket” plot movements—like what my black moment will be for my main character(s). I also develop my ideas on who the main cast of characters will be and maybe where I might set the story location(s).

Joe Moore—May 19, 2011

For me, the hardest part of plotting is keeping things simple (as I have a tendency to overly complicate everything!) and because of this I outline (and re-outline) throughout the writing and editing process. Even if you don’t outline, however, I think you need to have a mental grip on the key elements of plot as you are writing.

Now, I get to make an unsolicited plug for James Scott Bell’s excellent book Plot & Structure: Techniques and exercises for crafting a plot that grips readers from start to finish. In this, Jim summarizes the basic plot elements with the acronym LOCK:

  • Lead (the main character that draws readers into the story)
  • Objective (what gives the lead a reason for being in the story – what compels and drives them -often either to get something or to get away from something)
  • Confrontation (the battle between the lead and the opposition – what is preventing the lead from achieving what he/she needs)
  • Knockout (an ending that answers all the major questions and which leaves the reader satisfied)

In so doing Jim neatly encapsulates the critical elements needed for a successful book – particularly a thriller or mystery. As Jim points out, confrontation is the engine of plot and at critical junctures in the book the lead must face his/her battles  in order to transition to the next level of confrontation in the story.

When facing a sagging middle, I always remember Jim’s comment that middles are all about confrontations and setting up for the final battle to come. This helps me keep focus and tension in those murky middle waters. I also find that right from the start I have the key plot elements in mind and these continually inform the writing process and keep me on track.

Claire Langley-Hawthorne—May 28, 2012

 

We talk a lot here at The Kill Zone about the difference between plotters vs pantsers. (i.e. do you outline or do you wing it?). But we never talk about the picture makers. I am a picture maker. I can’t keep control of my story, can’t control its pacing and rhythms, can’t really SEE where it’s going, unless I draw it.

I used to think I was alone in this but I found out many authors use some kind of story boarding. Some even use software for it, Scrivner being a favorite. My dear late friend Barbara Parker had beautifully rendered storyboards on her office wall that would have made any Hollywood mogul proud.  My scribbles aren’t nearly so neat but they do the job. It also something born of necessity because if you work with a collaborator, you both have to be literally on the same page.

My co-author sister Kelly and I happened upon our methodology by accident about nine books ago. She was visiting me here in Florida and one day I came home and saw this:

Kelly had written all our plot points down on scraps of paper and taped them to a board. (The wine is an optional but vital writing tool). We found this was a quick way to visualize our plot, move chapters or add things. It also acts as a chronology and time line, which is valuable during rewrites. We eventually graduated to Post-It notes. And the PLOT BOARD, as we call it, became more complicated as we refined our methods:

One Post-It per chapter, each with the salient plot points in that chapter. Usually, our Louis Kincaid books are written only from his POV so it’s all yellow. EXCEPT: we sometimes use pink for what we call “personal” chapters. This is because as we mix “case/plot” chapters with character-development chapters (ie personal) we are constantly aware of the need to keep the main plot moving. Too many pinks in a row? That’s death in a suspense novel so we find a way to distribute that extra pink stuff around. It’s all about pacing. This board above, however, is for HEART OF ICE, which is a more complex plot. It has five POVS, so we use a different color for each. Again, it helps with pacing.

But we do more than just plotting on boards. We often need some pretty elaborate drawings, maps, and charts to keep track of things.

This board above was for THE LITTLE DEATH. The plot concerns multiple bodies found in disparate locations in Florida’s cattle country. Louis finds no connections between the murders until he digs deep into each victim’s life. This board helped up keep the victims’s backgrounds straight as well as where the bodies were found in relation to each other (an important clue).

Here is a board for A THOUSAND BONES. This book drove us nuts because the plot, about a serial killer operating over almost 20 years, was very complex. Its backstory begins in 1964 and the main plot moves to 1990. The killer left tree carvings with each victim but the carvings changed as he got older. We had to kept track of each girl’s backstory, where the body was found (the color coding), what personal items were found with each, and what carving.

PJ Parrish—May 28, 2013

***

  1. What do you think of the nine-act structure? Do you have a plot structure, be it 3-act, 4-act, 7-point, W plot, or something else which you find especially helpful?
  2. Have you used the LOCK approach? Any advice on propping up a sagging middle of a novel?
  3. Have you plotted visually? If so, what’s your approach?
  4. If you’re a pantser, do you use any of these plotting approaches or others to help with your revisions?

Reader Friday-Welcome to the Pun Zone!

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To pun, or not to pun . . .

Oh, what the hay, let’s do it! We love words, don’t we? Especially those words that make us laugh . . . an activity we most definitely need more of these days, right?

I ran across (not literally) a fun pun list on Steve Laube’s website the other day. Some were real coffee snorters.

I thought it’d be fun to mess around today and share a few.

Here’s a few from his list (used with permission):

I’m reading a book about antigravity. I can’t put it down.

Energizer bunny arrested. Charged with battery.

I changed my iPhone name to Titanic. It’s syncing now.

 

Okay, it’s your turn. Regale us with your favorite pun(s). But wait, first let me put my coffee down!

***

A story of three broken families who are stranded together in a fierce snowstorm, finding healing in crisis.

By the time today is over, Annie Lee is convinced she has no tomorrow.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Reigning Cats and Dogs

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By Elaine Viets

          I’m writing a new mystery series set in South Florida. Here’s one of the hairiest problems I considered: did I want my protagonist to have a pet?

I like pets, and they’re popular with mystery readers. Especially cat and dog mysteries.

Many cozy readers are familiar with Laurie Cass’s Bookmobile Cat series. And that’s just the start of the good felines. There are series with Cat Cafes, Klepto Cats, Magical Cats, witches’ cats, library cats, bookstore cats and more.

Cats who talk and solve mysteries aren’t my cup of tea – my cats can’t even open a can of food for dinner. But what do I know? Readers love felines who can perform semi-human feats.

I could also give my new protagonist a dog. Dog mysteries are definite people pleasers. There’s a pack of them, including David Rosenfelt’s series, featuring work-avoiding, dog loving lawyer Andy Carpenter and his golden retriever, Tara.

Tara is a lovable companion. Other mystery series feature working dogs, such as FBI special agent Sara Driscoll and her search and rescue Labrador, Hawk.

Here are more good reasons to have pets in mysteries:

Walking a dog is a good way to meet people.

Animals are good judges of character. Dogs (and some cats) can rescue or defend you, warn you with a timely bark or hiss, even uncover a clue.

A pet in your mystery can be plus. Readers identify with pets. “Your cat reminds me of my orange tabby, Ginger. She loves to . . .”

But there are major downsides to consider. Pets need care. Your detective can’t be on the track of a killer and suddenly stop the investigation to make a phone call. (“Psst! Mark. I’m staking out the killer’s house. Will you walk my corgi? I just got a new living room rug.”)

Dogs also have to be fed and groomed. Cats are a little more easy care. Your detective can open a big bag of dry food and leave out a bowl of water, but sooner or later the litter box has to be cleaned.

Janet Evanovich’s Stephanie Plum series has a unique, easy-care animal, a hamster named Rex. Rex lives in a cage on her kitchen counter. Rex sleeps in a soup can and runs on his hamster wheel. Stephanie occasionally tosses him a grape for a treat.

But she’s such a good writer, Rex seems real. Once, some thugs held Rex for ransom, and I genuinely hoped the little critter would survive.

For this new series, I decided to go pet-free.

***

Many authors love animals. Here are some quotes you may enjoy from the masters.

“Dogs are wise. They crawl away into a quiet corner and lick their wounds and do not rejoin the world until they are whole once more.” — Agatha Christie

“A boy can learn a lot from a dog: obedience, loyalty, and the importance of turning around three times before lying down.” — Robert Benchley

“A dog reflects the family life. Whoever saw a frisky dog in a gloomy family, or a sad dog in a happy one? Snarling people have snarling dogs, dangerous people have dangerous ones.” — Arthur Conan Doyle

“I would like to see anyone, prophet, king or God, convince a thousand cats to do the same thing at the same time.” — Neil Gaiman

“A cat has absolute emotional honesty: human beings, for one reason or another, may hide their feelings, but a cat does not.” — Ernest Hemingway

“Owners of dogs will have noticed that, if you provide them with food and water and shelter and affection, they will think you are God. Whereas owners of cats are compelled to realize that, if you provide them with food and water and affection, they draw the conclusion that they are God.” — Christopher Hitchens

“Once you have had a wonderful dog, a life without one is a life diminished.” — Dean Koontz

“When you feel lousy, puppy therapy is indicated.” — Sarah Paretsky

“Everything I know I learned from dogs.” — Nora Roberts

“All his life he tried to be a good person. Many times, however, he failed. For after all, he was only human. He wasn’t a dog.” — Charles M. Schulz

“Happiness is a warm puppy.” – Charles M. Schulz

“A dog…is a bond between strangers.” — John Steinbeck

“Ever consider what our dogs must think of us? I mean, here we come back from the grocery store with the most amazing haul—chicken, pork, half a cow. They must think we’re the greatest hunters on earth!” — Anne Tyler

“If you hold a cat by the tail you learn things you cannot learn any other way.” — Mark Twain

“If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and man.” — Mark Twain

“The dog is a gentleman; I hope to go to his heaven not man’s.” — Mark Twain

And in case this sounds too sentimental, consider these words from Winston Churchill: “I am fond of pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals.”

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Bimbos, bustiers and Botox. The first book in my Dead-End Job mystery is on sale for $1.99. Buy it here: https://tinyurl.com/2wuvz4vp

Who Do You Write For?

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By PJ Parrish

So there I was, on a panel at the Miami Book Fair. This was decades ago, and I was still a novice — I think my third book had just come out — and how I snagged a spot on this panel I’ll never know. My stuff was out only in paperback original, and back in those days, well, that was lesser-than.

I don’t remember the title of the panel. I do remember it was something smug-sounding. You know, like — Voice and Validity In Post-Mo Femme Fiction. Okay, I made that up, but dontcha just wanna slap whoever it is that names some of these panels?  Just once, I want to see something like this on a writer’s con program:

  • Name Dropping. How To Do It Well, And Badly.
  • The Unhappy Authors Panel
  • All About Crystals, Rainbows, and Unicorns
  • How To Corner And Pitch An Agent In The Lobby Can
  • Men Who Cannot Stop Speaking and the Women Who Put Up With It
  • Rambling and Off-Color Jokes By Almost-Major Authors
  • Enough About Me. What Do You Think of Me?

And the last panel on Sunday morning in the half-empty auditorium because everyone has left early to catch their planes:

  • This Is What Authors Look Like Who Drank Too Much Last Night.

I’ve been on that last panel more times than I can count. Hat-tip, by the way, to children’s writer Mette Ivie Harrison whose material (above) I borrowed.

Anyway, there I was. Sweaty, nervous and wedged between Carl Hiassen and some quasi-famous author whose name here I shall not reveal. I was pretty bad at public speaking in those days and sat there like a traffic cone. Our moderator was a dud, but Carl was a pure gent, trying to create a dialogue among us. Sensing my unease, he lobbed a few “what do you think?” softballs my way. One of them was: “Who do you write for?”

My mind blanked. I finally mumbled something into my mic about wanting to entertain readers, and maybe, if I was lucky, to emotional connect with them. Then I made what I thought was an okay joke: “And it wouldn’t be bad if I made a little money doing it.”

The audience, thank god, laughed. The quasi-famous author on my right grabbed my mic and said: “I don’t write for money. And I don’t write for anyone but myself.”

You know how when you’re in an awkward social situation and you think of a great comeback — two weeks later? What I should have said was “I think they call that literary self-abuse.” But I didn’t. Nobody said anything. Dead silence in the room. Mercifully, the moderator pulled the plug soon after.

I never forgot that author. She had a big name and a couple of big literary awards. She’s dead now, but you can still find her books on Amazon if you look hard. But I never forgot what she said that day,

What a bunch of bull-crap.

Who do you write for? Carl knew the right answer. All of you guys out there know the right answer. Sure, you write for yourself because it’s something you love doing. But it’s like playing the piano or gardening. Why play the piano if there is no one there to listen and be moved? Why toil in a garden unless the moods of passersby aren’t lifted by the roses they see?

And what is so wrong about wanting to make a living doing this? Even if it’s just to keep your dogs in Greenies.

So yeah, guys, write for yourself. It can make you feel dumb at times. It can make you feel wonderful at times. It humbles you, teaches you, heals you, Write because it makes you hear the beat of your own heart. But never, ever, forget that there is someone else out there who wants to hear you. Who might need to hear you. Maybe you’ll just make them chuckle. Or feel less lonely on a bad day. Or maybe you’ll change their life in some small way.

A couple years back, I had a story in a Mystery Writers of Americ anthology called “One Shot.” It was about a man who is emotionally crippled by a haunting childhood memory. The character and his best friend had been playing with dad’s revolver and the gun went off. The memory was, as often is the case for little kids, only half-there, obscured in a haze of pain, fear, and regret. But the adult character remembers the dead boy had been bullied as gay and he comes to realize the boy had killed himself. But a cabal of parents and priests had convinced him it was his fault.

I got an email about a year after the story was published. It was from a father whose gay son had shot himself. The writer told me the story had helped him come to grips with his own guilt and with his decision to leave his church. He thanked me for the story. Even as I write this, I can’t think of him without great emotion.

Don’t be afraid. Don’t be afraid to put yourself in your stories. And when you feel the time is right, don’t be afraid to put yourself and your stories out there. You need to connect.

I ran across this quote the other day, which is what clicked my memory of that poor lonely quasi-famous author, and what inspired this post. It’s from author Ursula K. Le Guin:

“The unread story is not a story. It is little marks on wood pulp. The reader, reading it, makes it live, a live thing, a story.”

Send yourself out into the world. Someone out there is waiting for you.

 

Life Lessons from Geese to Writers

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The title of this post is not a play on words. As I might’ve mentioned a time or two, we can learn a lot from animals.

This time, the life lessons come from one of our feathered friends. Or enemies, if you’re Canadian. Winking at you, Garry!

Achieving Together

Geese fly farther together than apart. When a goose flaps their wings, it creates lift for the geese that follow, making it easier for the whole flock to fly. By flying in V formation, the whole flock adds 72% greater flying range than if each bird flew alone.

If a goose falls out of formation, they feel the resistance of flying alone and quickly retake their position to benefit from the lifting power of the group.

Lesson: We are all part of the same community (if you missed my post re: writing community etiquette, find it here). By working together — accepting and giving help to one another — we move closer to reaching our goals faster than if we traveled this road alone.

Collective Responsibility

Geese understand they all have a responsibility to take their turn to lead the formation. When the lead goose tires, it moves back into formation and another goose flies to the front to take its place.

Lesson: Like geese, we depend on each other’s skills, capabilities, experience, opportunities, and resources. When everyone plays their part and shares experiences, skills, and/or challenges, like we do here on TKZ, it benefits others in our community.

How many writers have honed their craft from this blog over the last 13 years? My hand’s raised. Is yours?

The Power of Positivity

When in flight, geese in the back formation honk to encourage those at the front to keep up their speed. Basically, they’re cheering them on.

Lesson: This positive reinforcement is a reminder to us all to give praise and kindness to one another. If one of us succeeds, we all should celebrate. If someone falls, we should be there to pick them up, dust them off, and encourage them to keep going — perseverance wins the race!

Support Every Individual

The instinct to care and protect is ingrained in every goose. The care of the flock is a fundamental need. When a goose is sick or wounded, two geese will drop out of formation and follow him/her to the ground to offer help and protection until they can fly again. The trio will then add their numbers to another formation or catch up to their flock.

Lesson: Though we write alone at the keyboard, we also need the care and attention of others in our community to help us get to where we want to go. So, support your fellow writers. They are your tribe, not your competition.

10 Fun Facts About Geese

(that have nothing to do with the point of this post 😉 )

  1. As goslings, geese will bond with the first suitable moving stimulus, no matter if it’s a goose, person, or object. They remain dedicated to that goose, person, or object as their surrogate parent throughout their lives.
  2. Geese are highly social animals. If they are raised around other livestock and fowl, they usually get along well with them.
  3. Goose is the term for female geese. Male geese are called ganders. A group of geese on land or in water are a gaggle, while in the air they’re called a skein.
  4. Geese eat seeds, nuts, grass, plants, and berries.
  5. They are the largest waterfowls, the other being swans. Though geese are waterfowls, they spend most of their time on land.
  6. Geese are loyal. They mate for life and are super protective of their partners and offspring.
  7. Geese grieve the loss of their partners and offspring. So, don’t shoot them for fun!

Ahem. Moving on…

  1. Geese enjoy preening their feathers, foraging for food in the grass, and collecting twigs, bark, and leaves to make home improvements to their nests.
  2. Geese form strong attachments and affection for others in their group.
  3. Because of their loyalty and love, geese make excellent guard dogs. The internet is filled with golfers who learned this the hard way. LOL

The next time you witness geese (or other birds) flying in formation, think about your fellow writers — fellow humans. Sometimes all it takes is a kind word to make someone’s day. With all the anger and hatred in the world, be the lift they need.

*I’m out of town today, and will respond to comments when I get home tomorrow.

Little Things Add Up to Something Big

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by James Scott Bell
@jamesscottbell

We have today another first page for critique. The author describes the work as “Spec Fic with Horror Elements.” Let’s have a look and talk on the other side.

Bankside warehouse (Wikimedia Commons)

Bankside warehouse (Wikimedia Commons)

Watch All Night

Joe shivered his way down the cobbled alley lined with old Bankside warehouses. The February sun barely touched the first of them, but a freezing gust blasted its way in from the Thames. Nasty long winter, this. All slashing winds and feeble light. Soon be inside, though.

He buried his hands deeper into the pockets of the jacket Dil had “lent” him. The one that happened to be in his size and not Dil’s… but at least he’d have only bought it second-hand for Joe. Once this Eldmill job started, he’d sneak some money back to Dil. Move out of the hostel. Save up for a course, something working with at-risk teens. Do everything right this time.  No dealing. No recruiting runners. No prison. 

That must be it, that next one coming up, tarpaulin lunging from the roof, whip-crackling. All the warehouses he’d passed had already been turned into something new. They kept their listed historic shapes, though, their brown brick and shaded glass. Outside the Eldmill, changing into a swanky apartment building, plastic-wrapped packages clustered. A rusty security gate lay on the pavement. A forklift idled nearby. Unseen construction workers banged and drilled. 

He stepped past a mud-splashed bollard dug out of the ground to make room for hauling the packages into the building. Now he’d arrived at his new job. 

Fancy new glass door, steel frame glittered from the safety of the manufacturer’s tape that still covered it. Across about forty feet of beautiful granite floor, a reception desk fronted in warm, yellow-beige marble welcomed you. Two blokes in hardhats and multi-pocketed work trousers crossed the floor, the taller man sputtering laughter across one of those eco-mugs, printed with smiling golden giraffes, at something his mate said. 

Joe stepped back. The heel of his trainers smacked into the unearthed bollard. 

‘I’m not going in there.’

JSB: Well, I am chuffed to bits (that means “pleased as punch” in England) about this offering from across the pond. Let’s have a butcher’s hook (Cockney for “a look”) in detail:

Joe shivered his way down the cobbled alley lined with old Bankside warehouses.

This is an action opening. It has a character in motion, not mere narrative description. The descriptive elements, including the weather, are woven in as we move along.

Note the vivid descriptor shivered. A lesser hand would have written, Joe walked down the cobbled alley. He was shivering. 

Tip: Train yourself to take just a moment or two to consider alternatives to “plain vanilla” verbs. If nothing comes to you, write on and look later. I find the best time for this is when I edit my previous day’s work. It’s not a heavy edit and I don’t linger, but always pick up ways to make the writing stronger.

The February sun barely touched the first of them, but a freezing gust blasted its way in from the Thames. Nasty long winter, this. All slashing winds and feeble light. Soon be inside, though. 

Excellent. We’ve got the time and place and weather. Evocative words: gust blasted, slashing winds, feeble light. And a hint of what’s going on. Joe is heading “inside” somewhere. I want to know where.

We’re also in deep POV. The narrative portions are how Joe would think about these things.

Tip: To get into deep 3d Person, try writing a scene in First Person, then switch it.

He buried his hands deeper into the pockets of the jacket Dil had “lent” him. The one that happened to be in his size and not Dil’s… but at least he’d have only bought it second-hand for Joe. Once this Eldmill job started, he’d sneak some money back to Dil. Move out of the hostel. Save up for a course, something working with at-risk teens. Do everything right this time.  No dealing. No recruiting runners. No prison. 

I love this paragraph. It has background info but it’s slipped in unobtrusively. Joe has “borrowed” (stolen?) a jacket from a character named Dil. Joe has an honest streak in him, wanting to get money back to Dil. We know he’s been staying in a hostel and wants to save up money so he can make something of his life, something good. Do everything right this time. He’d been a drug dealer. He’s been in prison.

We’re only in the second paragraph and know just a little about Joe, but we have a rooting interest now. We love characters who have known hard times but who aren’t playing the victim, characters who want to better themselves.

There’s also mystery about what the “Eldmill job” is. Good. A little mystery in the opening prompts us to read on.

That must be it, that next one coming up, tarpaulin lunging from the roof, whip-crackling.

Superb. A tarpaulin is not merely hanging from the roof, it’s lunging. And the sentence ends with the original and striking whip-crackling.

Tip: The power of a sentence can often be improved by moving the most vivid word to the end. Hemingway did this all the time, e.g., Villalta, his hand up at the crowd and the bull roaring blood, looking straight at Villalta and his legs caving.

The author does more of the same here:

Outside the Eldmill, changing into a swanky apartment building, plastic-wrapped packages clustered.  

How much better this is than clustered, plastic-wrapped packages.

It may seem like a little thing, but an accumulation of little things adds up to a big thing indeed: a vivid reading experience, the kind that makes fans.

A rusty security gate lay on the pavement. A forklift idled nearby. Unseen construction workers banged and drilled. 

Visual and audible details. I’m there. (Tip: Don’t overlook the underused sense of smell.)

He stepped past a mud-splashed bollard dug out of the ground to make room for hauling the packages into the building.

Not: a bollard covered with mud. 

Fancy new glass door, steel frame glittered from the safety of the manufacturer’s tape that still covered it. Across about forty feet of beautiful granite floor, a reception desk fronted in warm, yellow-beige marble welcomed you.

The one cavil I have with this is welcomed you. That’s a slight break from Joe’s deep POV. Might I suggest instead: Across about forty feet of beautiful granite floor, a welcoming reception desk fronted in warm, yellow-beige marble.

Two blokes in hardhats and multi-pocketed work trousers crossed the floor 

Blokes is exactly the word Joe would use.

the taller man sputtering laughter across one of those eco-mugs, printed with smiling golden giraffes, at something his mate said. 

The man doesn’t just laugh, he sputters laughter, and not with any mug, but an eco-mug. And not just an eco-mug, but one with smiling golden giraffes. What a nice, original detail that is.

Joe stepped back. The heel of his trainers smacked into the unearthed bollard.  

Not the heel of his shoes, but the more specific trainers. And it doesn’t hit, it smacks. The author is choosing vivid descriptors each time. The little things!

‘I’m not going in there.’

Thus ends the page. I don’t know what the author intended here. It seems as if Joe says this out loud. Or maybe it’s someone else who is identified in the next line. And I believe it’s a British thing to use the single quote marks. Like Brother Gilstrap, I’m not a fan of that mark, but then again I don’t want to be a stuffy Yank. If that’s how they do it over there, so be it. I mean, they like blood sausage, so there you go.

I’m also not a fan of characters speaking out loud only to themselves. In movies or on the page it usually seems false. Consider changing that to an interior thought.

At least, however, if it is Joe speaking, we want to know why he suddenly doesn’t want to go in. The page-turning mystery is planted. And that’s the main point of these first-page critiques. Do we want to turn the page? I certainly do.

In short, my British writer friend, Bob’s your uncle!

Chime in, TKZers. What do you think of today’s page?

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May I offer a suggestion to writers who are struggling with a manuscript?

I’ve talked with a number of folks who tell me they’ve been massaging a book idea for months, if not years.

“I’ve been working on this manuscript for five years and have about twenty thousand words. It feels like I’m going slow, because I keep going back to improve a paragraph here, or rewriting these sentences after I finished Hemingway’s For Whom the Bell Tolls. And then I read James Lee Burke’s newest novel, and his descriptions are beautiful, so I went back…”

As one who says there are no rules in writing, I wait for Budding Author to finish.

“And because I have to write between taking the kids to school, my job, picking the kids up and hauling them to practice, I kind of get lost where I am and go back and read what I’ve written. That’s so depressing, because everything I have on paper needs work, so I go back and tweak it again –––.”

“Can I interrupt?” I grab Budding Author’s shirt for a good, old-fashioned shake, slap, and backslap.

“Please.”

“I assume you know the absolute basics of building a house.” We’re nose to nose as I continue. “You’ve seen them going up, right?”

“Of course.”

“So what do they first?”

“Draw up blueprints?”

“Good enough. They have an idea of how they want the floorplan to flow.”

“I suppose.”

“Bear with me here…” Slap, slap, slap. “The floorplan comes first, along with mental images of what a builder wants. From there the architect draws the foundation plan, then plumbing, electrical, elevations, everything necessary for construction. The foundation is the first step on site.

Budding Author raises both hands to glory. “Yes! Yes! Yes!”

The next shake is for emphasis. “Visualize this. The floorplan is your idea of a story.”

“I can see the whole thing like a movie in my head, I just need to write it down.”

“Well, you see bits and pieces that flow, and that’s just fine, but all that visualization comes together on top of the foundation. Slab or pier and beam, it doesn’t matter, but it must be solid and square.”

“I’m getting the idea!” Budding Author’s eyes brighten even more.

I refust to turn loose of this person’s shirt, lest they quit concentrating. “Next comes the framing. All those wall have to go up to support the roof which is the first step to completion. The roof protects everything under construction below.”

“I thought we were talking about manuscirpts.”

“We are! But here’s what builders don’t do. They don’t finish the living room before moving on. There’s no electrical, plumbing, or sheetrock before the rest of the house. There are no windows when the rest of the house is still nothing more than sticks. No trim, fixtures, or paint. No carpet or flooring while they’re still framing the bedrooms. No furniture, drapes, pictures on the walls, or the installation of that sixty-inch television. Are you getting this?”

“Kinda. So what do the builders do, then?”

“They press on with the whole project as a whole, working forward to completion, and then they add all those final touches.”

“I get it! You’re saying write the damn book to the end and don’t get caught in that whirlpool of going back over and over to make the pages perfect before moving on to the next!” The light bulb goes on over Budding Author’s head and that excited individual dances with glee, tearing away from my grip.

“You’re right. Plow forward until you reach the end and then go back to edit, and edit, which is all the finish work in that house we were talking about.”

Budding Author rushes away to work and I smile in satisfaction, because it took me a good long while to learn how to get the first draft done by pushing forward to follow the story while it’s still fresh in your mind and evolving.

Follow the story. Write the book, then get out the paint and polish.