When I was first learning the craft, I studied many novels, searching for how the author drew me in, held me in suspense, and propelled me to turn the page. Still do. 😉 One of the things I noticed was their use of white space — the blank field around the words and paragraphs.
White space can help create drama, emotion, or add a quiet pause before the storm hits. With so many “rules” or guidelines, sometimes white space can get overlooked. Yet it’s a powerful tool when used with intent.
Let’s look at a few examples. The first two are from our own James Scott Bell.
Last Call from JSB:
“Yo,” she said. “Go back to your table, okay?”
He stiffened and his smile melted into his beard. “Real friendly.” He shook his head as he went back to his table. He turned his laptop around then sat with his back to her.
Just like the rest of the world.
Long Lost from JSB:
With the wind blowing outside, Stevie fell into a calm sleep. Deep like the desert night.
He woke up with a rough hand over his mouth. Pressing him down. Maybe it was Robert playing a game. But it wasn’t. It was something big.
A monster.
The eye is drawn to the last line in both examples. They’re sharp and dramatic when sectioned by white space.
In the Eyes of the Dead by Jordan Dane:
I wanted to fight it, but I couldn’t. The hopelessness of becoming a victim rushed over me like a floodgate opening. I nearly choked on the magnitude of it. Images of my ordeal bombarded me. I caught glimpses of another face. It all happened too fast, I wasn’t sure I could retain what I’d seen.
Just like last time.
Again, Jordan could’ve set the last line in the same paragraph, but it would lose its punch there.
We can also use white space to break up dialogue.
Here’s an example from Skinwalkers by Tony Hillerman:
“Then you know that if I was a witch, I could turn myself into something else. Into a burrowing owl. I could fly out the smoke hole and go away into the night.”
Silence.
“But I am not a witch. I am just a man. I am a singer. A yataalii. I have learned the ways to cure. Some of them. I know the songs to protect you against a witching. But I am not a witch.”
See how “silence” added to the drama? Had he put all the dialogue into one paragraph, it wouldn’t be as effective, even with an intriguing conversation.
The Killing Song by PJ Parish:
The cold nub that had formed in my gut was growing. I was never one to trust vague feelings. I was a reporter and trained to believe only what I could see, what I could prove.
But the feeling rising up and putting a choke hold on my heart now was real.
Mandy was gone.
That last line smacks you in the face — because it’s separated by white space.
Blonde Hair, Blue Eyes by Karin Slaughter:
The line finally moved, and Julia went into the first stall. She felt her pager vibrate as she started to unbutton her jeans. She didn’t scroll the number right away. She sat down on the toilet. She looked up at the ceiling. She looked at the posters taped to the back of the stall door. She finally looked down at the pager. She pressed the button to scroll the number.
222.
Her heart broke into a million pieces.
222.
Julia looked up, trying to keep her tears from falling. She sniffed. She counted to a slow one hundred. She looked down again, because maybe she was wrong.
222.
The repetition also draws you in. If the author were to continue too long, the rhythm would lose its value. When done with intent, it’s dramatic and effective.
The last example is from my new thriller, Savage Mayhem (releases once my designer completes my cover).
A hair-raising screech stopped me mid-stride, my heartbeat quickened to a fast pitter-patter, pitter-patter, pitter-patter. Quaking aspen leaves trembled as we passed. Night owls slalomed through the trees, oarlike wings emitting a whoosh with each stroke. To my left, sticks crunched under heavy paws. Or hooves.
Bear?
Moose?
Wolf?
Here, I used white space for a dramatic pause and to draw attention to each individual threat. Which allows the reader to wonder. I also used Onomatopoeia words to deepen the scene.
White space can help fix long, rambling passages of text, pacing issues, and story rhythm. It’s a tool we should never overlook. Use the precious real estate to your advantage.
With the exception of mine (this is NOT a shameless plug), I recommend all these books. They’re fabulous.
Have you read any of them? Did you notice the white space while reading? Do you pay attention to white space in your writing?
Part of pacing – putting the thing you want remembered alone on the last line. Possibly the last couple of lines. End where you want the reader to end. It’s the power position.
I probably do that on most scenes:
—
“…In Guadalajara, where I come from, we call the accidental late babies santanazos, after Saint Ann—tradition says the Virgin Mary was a very late child.” Dr. Moreno stood and Kary followed suit.
“According to the Church, I’m still married.”
“Whatever gets you through the dark nights. But don’t forget it’s just an excuse.”
—
Ehrhardt, Alicia Butcher. PRIDE’S CHILDREN: PURGATORY (Book 1 of the Trilogy) . Trilka Press. Kindle Edition.
“Power position.” Perfect description, Alicia!
Great explanation, Sue! White space is a writer’s friend.
Many writers think the more they cram into a page, the better. But when I see a dense, solid block of text, I tighten up. It’s not only hard on the eyes, it looks like a textbook, which is a turn off.
White space works as a pacing tool that causes the reader to speed up to find out what’s coming next. The example from your new book raised that kind of tension for me. What is out there???
The great old-time comedian Jack Benny was the master of verbal white space, the dramatic pause before a punchline.
Sometimes what’s left unsaid in white space is more powerful than what’s said.
Thanks, Debbie.
Yes, I do the same with big blocks of text. It’s exhausting to read.
Thanks for the shout out, Sue.
Great points. White space is indeed a friend of the author…and the readers.
And you just can’t beat the perfect stand-alone line, esp. at the end of a scene or chapter.
Agreed, Jim. That last line in a scene is powerful. It surprised me TKZ hadn’t covered this topic much. ‘Course, I only searched for “white space.”
Kris had some wise words to go along with yours:
https://killzoneblog.com/2019/02/pacing-and-spacing-the-power-of-artful-paragraphing.html
Thanks for the link!
Though gradually I’m learning to give the white space thought while writing, most often I have to take care to do that on revision. And it’s a learning curve because I have more tolerance for dense paragraphs then some may have.
The opposite usually loses me–paragraphs that are choppy for choppy’s sake for too long in the scene/chapter. I prefer a story that mixes it up.
Also like the reminder of repetition. In the above example, the third 222, for me, was pushing the limit. More than that would’ve killed the scene.
Now off to make sure “reviewing for white space” is in my revision notes for current manuscript. 😎
It’s fine to do during revisions, Brenda. That’s where the magic happens anyway. 😉
Yes, agreed about Karin Slaughter’s example. Any more than three would’ve destroyed the power of repetition.
Great post, Kay. Thanks for those examples and for the discussion of white space. I do notice it while reading. I need to pay more attention to it while writing.
Have a great day!
I’m not Kay, but I appreciate the comment. 😉
Enjoy your day!
Great post and a reminder to use white space, Sue. And noticed the power of three in all the examples.
Good for you to catching the power of three, Patricia! I wondered if anyone would notice. 😉
Terrific explanation and examples of the power of white space, Sue. I have not read any of these, yet. I have used white space in my writing, but there’s certainly room for me to improve and become better at this technique. The narrative beat between lines of dialog is one example.
This works on a larger scale, too. My writing mentor Eric Witchey emphasized that scenes are the structural building blocks of a story or a novel. When asked, “But what about chapters,” he answered, “Chapters were about “managing white space.” Almost a Zen koan for fiction.
Hope you have a wonderful week, my friend. I’ve gotten a new “smart telescope” for astrophotography, and the skies cooperated the last few days.
Wise advice, Dale. I couldn’t agree more.
With eight straight days of waking at 3 a.m. (my husband was filling in for a coworker), my activity on X has been spotty. I plan to pop in later today. Can’t wait to see your pics!
One of my favorite writing topics, Sue. Because it is such an easy-to-use power tool — the simple paragraph. You can achieve so much more tension and rhythm with it.
But if you don’t know when to hit ENTER, well, you’re gonna lose readers. 🙂
Precisely, Kris. Gotta know when to hit Enter. 😀
Wonderful examples, Sue. I enjoyed reading all of them.
Like Debbie mentioned, huge blocks of text are intimidating. (I always think of Moby Dick where sentences flow on for pages. I think Herman Melville could have used your advice about white space!)
Hahaha. You’re not wrong, Kay!
Huge blocks of text bother me, too.
Thanks for the reminder. Because the influence of our electronics has really messed with the attention span of many people, including avid readers, my editing always includes the consideration of just how long before the mind goes to “another window”. I LOVE THIS PAGE. Always helpful! Thank you.
So true, Susan. The attention span nowadays is ridiculous. Hence why I always preview on my Kindle. What looks great in a Word.doc can morph into blocks of text on a Kindle. Doesn’t take much.
An interesting take on how to use white space to enhance the pacing of a story. It definitely works and your examples are perfect to show how. Thank you for sharing, Sue. Great post!
Thank you, Jan! <3
Thank you for the review. I try to use white space as much as possible. I notice the use of it (or the lack of) more on my Kindle app, especialy if I’m reading on my phone. Passages that might have been alright on a book page become much too long.
So true, Michelle. It’s a good idea to check our Word.doc and ARCs on the Kindle ahead of time.
I like that I can upload a document to my Amazon account and read it on my Kindle.
Me too. 😀
Interesting discussion. Just a minor point I doubt others will notice. Regarding “Night owls slalomed through the trees, oar-like wings emitting a whoosh with each stroke.”
I’ve held owls in my thick leather gloved hands (I’m rather partial to keeping all my fingers) and when placed on the ground for release, they take off so quietly that what little sound they probably make is easily lost in the background noise of a very quiet neighborhood. A true stealth predator.
Like airplanes, takeoffs require a high level of energy output. Much higher than normal flight. An owl already in flight would be even quieter than what I’ve experienced.
On the other hand, ducks, geese, turkeys, pigeons, doves, quail, etc. are very noisy when they takeoff. But even they are rather quiet during flat level flight.
Actually, the whoosh is based on real life. My husband and I a were eating at a picnic table in an open field. The sun just set. A cat strolled through the field moments later. And a great horned owl shot out of the tree above us. Nearly scared me half to death, and snapped up the cat. The whoosh of his/her wings was unbelievable, barely detectable but clear. Since my MC is highly attuned to her environment, she would detect it in the quiet forest.
And the point goes to Sue. When a predator bird like a hawk or owl, makes a diving attack, my experience has been they are very quiet. I suppose this is evolutionary so they don’t scare off their prey. Sound travels at 1,100 feet per second but even in a 60 mph dive, that’s only 88 feet per second. But as you point out, when they sink their talons into the prey and expend the huge amount of energy to lift both their own weight and that of their victim, no way they can avoid creating air turbulence and, with it, noise. At that point there is no need for quiet stealth.
My experience with hawks and owls extends back to childhood. When hunting (for food, never for sport) with my brothers in the Midwest, we came across nesting baby owls calling from up in a tree. They must have been hungry. We continued on our way but when we came back by on our way home that evening, the baby owls cries sounded more desperate. Their mother was not going to return. My very kind hearted brother, climbed up the tree and rescued the baby owls, putting them in his game bag’s vest pockets.
We hand fed the babies until they were strong enough to take flight and live on their own.
As odd as it seems, a couple years later the same thing happened. Only this time it was baby hawks.
We fed them hamburger meat. The trick is to hold your fingers curved back to stretch the skin on your palm tight. This avoids having your flesh being part of what you are feeding them.
Times were tough then. My father was not happy with feeding strays but later when the birds were released they displaced nearly all the other birds in our neighborhood. Afterward my father’s car parked under the shade trees did not get bird poop on them. He finally admitted the owls and the hawks useful.
Haha. What a great story, Lars! Thanks for sharing. Sounds like an educational and fun childhood. Love it. 🤗