Category Archives: #LifeHack

Formula for Happiness

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I heard “formula for happiness” in a movie last week. Speaking as someone who went through an honest life review in my mid-fifties and left a 27-year marriage a year later, a formula for happiness piqued my interest, not because I’m unhappy—quite the opposite; leaving was the best decision I ever made—but because I wondered if a psychologist, scientist, or researcher found evidence to back up their claim of a happiness formula.

Sure enough, I found quite a few studies. Don’t you love it when fiction writers use factual information as a jumping off point?

I decided to write about this subject after a longtime-reader-turned-friend reached out to say my choice to start over gave her the courage to leave her 32-year loveless marriage. Six months later, she’s now content, happy, and loving life again. We had a deep discussion about why too many men and women stay in marriages that don’t work anymore. It’s easy to stay. It takes real courage to leave, especially after decades together.

At the time, I remember my husband said, “Why leave? We don’t even fight.” It’s true, we didn’t. Neither of us cared enough to fight. Rather than hurt him with that fact, I said, “Someday, you’ll thank me for this. I’m setting us both free.” Less than a year later, he did thank me.

That said, along with opening and closing multiple chapters in my life, I feel I have something to contribute to the subject of happiness.

First, let’s look at the studies.

According to long-term findings shared via The Atlantic, Harvard scholar Arthur C. Brooks relies on behavioral shifts rather than accumulating possessions for happiness. He believes we should:

  • Love people instead of using them.
  • Use things instead of loving them.
  • Stay physically and socially engaged to protect our health and manage stress.

I agree with the first two. I also believe staying physically active contributes to happiness. Socially engaging with people every day? No, thank you. Humans wear me out. I’ve always been a happy loner. 😉 I surround myself with animals, nature, and a chosen few close friends/family. But socially engaging every single day? Nope, not for me. I cherish my alone time.

Equations for Happiness

Happiness = Results/Expectations

Meaning, focus on lowering expectations and how you measure outcomes. I’ve said many times writers should celebrate small victories i.e., hitting a word count, completing a chapter, or writing your Nifty Fifty (winking at you, JSB!). Celebrate hitting milestones, rather than stressing about writing the entire book. Also, keep expectations in check. Penning one novel won’t make you an overnight success. Writing is a marathon, not a sprint.

Happiness = Smiles – Frowns

Apple co-founder Steve Wozniak believes we should minimize complaints, arguments, and avoidable stress. I read another study that said smiling, singing, and dancing automatically induces happiness. And it’s true!

Enjoyment + Satisfaction + Meaning = Happiness

Meaning, break down happiness into active joy, accomplished goals, and a deeper sense of purpose. Enjoyment, in this context, is not a synonym for pleasure. Harvard Business School professor, Dr. Arthur Brooks, suggests, “The most miserable people pursue pleasure and stop there.” But pleasure is usually a component of enjoyment, nonetheless.

Enjoyment = Pleasure + Communion + Consciousness

Haven’t you found this to be true? We tend to enjoy pleasurable experiences more when we share them with someone else. Also, faith in a higher power (or whatever you believe in) plays a role in happiness.

Satisfaction = Haves vs. Wants

Brooks recommends a “want less” strategy, rather than “have more.” Serial consumption often has the opposite effect of fueling our wants, thereby shrinking our satisfaction. He also recommends a “reverse bucket list.” Meaning, write down the things we strive for but don’t need to be happy. It’s healthy to have goals, but if you don’t reach them (yet), that’s okay. Accept it and move on. Persevere. We learn more from failure than we do from victory.

Writer Scott H. Young’s Modern Rules for Happiness

(my comments are in magenta)

Embrace Life Seasons.

Accept unchangeable factors while maximizing current opportunities.

Is he talking about aging? If so, aging is part of life, yes. Accept it and move on.

Strive vs. Achieving

View the process of striving as energizing, while recognizing that hitting a fixed goal is often overrated.

Disagree. Hitting a goal should be celebrated. It is not overrated. It feels wonderful. Do we need to hit goals to be happy? No, of course not. Perhaps that’s what he means.

Meet others more than halfway.

Overcome natural human self-obsession through outreach.

I’ve never thought of myself as “self-obsessed,” but I understand the gist of this. It’s better to give than to receive.

Apologize and forgive often.

Use frequent apologies and forgiveness to prevent small conflicts from turning into long feuds.

Disagree. The phrase “I’m sorry” is so overused it’s lost all meaning. How about living without doing things you need to apologize for? If you do hurt someone, show them how awful you feel and try to fix it, rather than tossing out a  meaningless apology.

Also, I don’t believe we should “forgive and forget” just to avoid conflict. If someone harms you, don’t be a doormat. Stand up for yourself. You matter just as much as they do. Afterward, yes, let it go. Life’s too short to hold on to anger and/or resentment.

Stop consuming enraging media.

Cut out toxic media streams driven by engagement algorithms designed to make you angry.

100% Agree.

Look for small novelties.

Actively search for tiny joys and moments of novelty in daily life.

100% Agree.

Exercise a psychological choice.

Remember that how you interpret events is a choice, which helps reduce feelings of helplessness.

100% Agree.

The Happiness Pie Chart

According to psychological research studies, like the “happiness pie chart,” 50% of our happiness comes from our genetics (our baseline “set point”) and 40% comes from our intentional activities, thoughts, and attitudes. Together, these two internal factors account for 90% of our overall happiness.

The Breakdown of the 90%:

  • Genetics (50%): Our biological “set point” inherited from our parents, which dictates how we naturally bounce back from triumphs and setbacks.
  • Intentional Activities & Mindset (40%): Our daily choices, how we process the world, gratitude, and relationships.
  • Life Circumstances (10%): External factors like our income, job, marital status, or where we live account for only a small fraction of our overall well-being.

For me, this breakdown makes perfect sense. My mother wore a constant warm smile, viewed the world through rose-colored glasses (pardon all the cliches in this post!), and never uttered a cross word about anyone. And my brother and I have always been inherently happy people. No matter what life throws at us, we bounce back and rarely, if ever, complain about anything or anyone.

What if you don’t have “happy” genetics?

Don’t worry, you are not doomed. Modern science added a vital caveat to the 50% rule: genes are not a rigid destiny. While you may inherit a specific genetic predisposition, your lifestyle choices and mindset act as environmental switches—a field known as epigenetics. For more on this caveat, visit Neuroscience News.

7 Tips for a Happy Life

  1. Let go of the past. Don’t allow old mistakes to dictate your present or future.
  2. Focus on things within your control. Ignore the rest.
  3. Practice daily gratitude. Appreciate life’s splendor, like sunrises, sunsets, the moon, fall foliage, a warm breeze, snow-kissed trees, birdsong…I could go on and on. In other words, be thankful for another day. None of us know how many we have left.
  4. Prioritize physical and mental health. Maintain proper sleep, nutrition, and exercise.
  5. Surround yourself with positive people. Protect your peace from toxic environments.
  6. Keep learning. Maintain curiosity and personal growth.
  7. Live in the moment. Practice mindfulness instead of dwelling on the past or future.

One last interesting nugget I uncovered…

The U-Shaped Happiness Curve

According to psychological studies across 130+ countries, people typically start adulthood relatively cheerful, hit a significant emotional low point in midlife (between 47 – 50 y.o.), and then experience a major happiness rebound later in life. Globally, life satisfaction climbs at a steady pace after age 50 and peeks at 70.

Over to you, TKZers. Thoughts? Let’s discuss.

16 Useful Life Hacks

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I love life hacks. TKZ’s own, Joe Hartlaub, used to offer excellent tricks delivered with his classic wit.

In honor of our lost friend, I dug up 16 practical hacks to make your lives a little easier.

Reheat Leftovers Hack: If you reheat leftovers in the microwave, cover the plate with a damp paper towel. It traps steam to keep rice, pasta, and meats from drying out.

Ceiling Fan Hack: Anyone who’s ever cleaned a ceiling fan has gotten a mouthful of thick dust in the face, which makes a tough task (especially for short peeps) even more unpleasant. Instead of the usual method, where dust flies everywhere, slide an old pillowcase over the fan blade, then wipe backward. All the clumps and debris stay trapped inside the pillowcase.

Stubborn Labels Hack: Direct hot air at a price tag or sticker for about 60 seconds. The heat melts the adhesive, letting you peel the label off cleanly without leaving a sticky residue.

De-wrinkle Clothes Hack: Some materials stay wrinkled even if you hang the shirt after drying. Next time you drag a wrinkled shirt from the closet, throw it in the dryer with 2–3 ice cubes and run it on high for 5–10 minutes. The ice melts, creates steam, and de-wrinkles the shirt.

Boiling Pot Hack: If your pot is about to boil over on the stovetop, drop an ice cube into it, which drops the surface temp and stops the foam from rising over the top. Or rest a wooden spoon over the pot.

Stained Tupperware Hack: If you’ve ever stored tomato sauce in Tupperware, you know those stubborn stains are almost impossible to remove, even in a dishwasher. Next time your favorite Tupperware gets stained, fill with warm water, add a few drops of dish soap (preferably Dawn) and a crumpled paper towel. Seal closed. Give it a good shake for 30 seconds. The paper towel absorbs the grease and stain.

Stripped Screw Hack: Place a wide, flat rubber band over the head of a stripped screw. The rubber fills the gaps and allows the screwdriver to grip the stripped screw.

Sheet Set Storage Hack: Fold fitted and flat sheets. For an optimal fold of fitted sheets, tuck the pockets into the opposite pockets. After folding the sheets, slide the entire set into one of the matching pillowcases. Not only will your linen closet look and feel more organized, but the sheet sets are much easier to stack this way.

Keep Lettuce Fresh Hack: Wrap lettuce heads in tinfoil before putting it in the fridge. The tinfoil manages the moisture and keeps lettuce crisp for up to a month.

Knife Substitute Hack: Rather than using a knife, use unflavored dental floss to cut clean slices of cake, goat cheese, or cinnamon rolls without squishing them.

Soften Butter Hack: If a recipe calls for softened butter, pour boiling water into a glass measuring cup. Dump out water and flip the hot cup over the stick of butter. This softens the butter in 90 seconds without melting.

Metal Water Bottle Hack: Drop a generic denture-cleaning tablet into a metal water bottle or narrow flask. Set it aside for a few minutes to dissolve grime without scrubbing.

Glass Shower Doors Hack: Wipe down glass shower doors with water-repellent Rain-X. Water will bead and roll off, preventing hard water stains and soap scum buildup.

Stuck Lid Hack: If a jar lid won’t budge, hold under hot water — heat expands the metal — until the vacuum seal breaks.

Stinky Trash Hack: For outdoor or indoor trash cans, dust the bottom with ground cinnamon to repel flies, ants, and maggots.

Travel Safety Hack: Take a screenshot of your contact info. before leaving the house. When traveling or attending a conference/event, change your phone’s lock screen background to the photo of your contact info. That way, if you lose your phone, a good Samaritan can return it without trying to guess your passcode.

What’s your favorite life hack? Any new tricks to share?

What Got You Into This Writing Gig?

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I wasn’t one of those kids who wrote stories in the fourth grade that entertained her classmates. I was too busy reading The Black Stallion and Heidi. No, I began my writing journey at the age of 35, and probably wouldn’t have then, except for one thing. This man came to live in my head.

What had happened was…I couldn’t sleep. Night after night I stared at the ceiling, counting sheep. Then one night, a man suddenly appeared in my vision. He stood at a window with smoke billowing in the background. For a minute, he didn’t say anything, then he turned to me and said, “My life wasn’t supposed to turn out like this.”

Fom then on, when I couldn’t sleep, I told myself stories about what happened to derail his life. Well, he went away and these other people came to live in my head, and they wouldn’t leave until I wrote down their stories on a Hermes portable typewriter. I even thought the first story I wrote was good enough to be published and sent it off to Woman’s World Magazine along with an SASE (Self-addressed Stamp Envelope for those of you too young to remember what the acronym stands for).

The writer’s guidelines specified 2500 words for their Mini-mystery, so of course I sent 4,500 words. The editor, Nancy McCarthy, bless her heart, loved the story and cut it to the required 2,500 words. Don’t.Do.That. Ever! Read the guidelines and send what the publisher asks for. I got lucky. By rights, she should have popped those typed words into the SASE and sent it back to me. But she didn’t, and that gave me enough confidence to keep going. Thirty-plus years later in 2014, my first novel was released–I never said writing was for the faint of heart. But next September my 20th book will release.

Okay, that’s my story of how I started writing. What’s yours, TKZers?

The Science Behind Deep Breathing

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Last night, I was listening to Sleepy Science on YouTube, like I often do. The episode focused on deep breathing and why it works. Because I’m a long-time practitioner of deep breathing and mediation, this subject piqued my interest. We all know deep breathing relaxes us. We’ve discussed the benefits a few times on TKZ.

For example, deep breathing:

  • Reduces stress: Slow breaths trigger the parasympathetic nervous system, lowering stress hormone levels like cortisol.
  • Eases anxiety: Controlled breathing calms panic and depressive symptoms by promoting a sense of safety and calm.
  • Improves focus: Better oxygen flow to the brain clears brain fog and sharpens concentration.
  • Promotes sleep: Deep relaxation before bed helps quiet the mind and supports restorative sleep cycles. This works, by the way. I do it every night before bed.
  • Lowers blood pressure: Deep, rhythmic breathing relaxes blood vessels to ease the heart’s workload.
  • Optimizes oxygen exchange: Belly breathing helps your lungs trade incoming oxygen for outgoing carbon dioxide more efficiently.
  • Relieves pain and tension: Deep breathing releases muscle tension and minimizes pain. Speaking as a chronic pain sufferer, I know this to be true.
  • Strengthens respiratory muscles: Diaphragmatic breathing trains your respiratory system to function with greater endurance and ease.

All those health benefits stem from triggering a single nerve in our body. Seems unfathomable, doesn’t it? But it’s true.

What is this nerve and its function?

The Vagus Nerve

Photo credit: https://www.polyvagalinstitute.org/vagusnerve

The vagus nerve is the body’s main communication cable connecting the brain to major internal organs. It carries signals from your organs back to your brain, and from your brain out to your organs.

Vagus means “wandering” in Latin, and that’s exactly what it does. Actually, we have two, one for the left-side of our body, one for the right.

The vagus nerve starts at the base of the brain in an area called the medulla oblongata, which controls survival instincts, like breathing. The vagus nerve leaves the brain through a tiny hole in the bottom of the skull — called the jugular foramen — and runs down both sides of the neck, tucked inside a protective bundle of tissue beside major blood vessels, like the carotid artery and jugular vein.

On its way, it sends out small branches to the throat, voice box (larynx), and pharynx, helping us to swallow and speak.

From there, the vagus nerve passes behind the collarbone and enters the chest cavity, where it plugs into the heart to act as a natural brake system to slow our heart rate at rest. The vagus nerve then branches out into the lungs to manage breathing and contract airways.

The left and right vagus nerves merge as they pass through the diaphragm, located at the base of the ribcage below the lungs, and enters the abdominal cavity.

This is where the nerve spreads like a massive spider web, connecting to almost every part of the digestive tract, including the stomach, liver, pancreas, gallbladder, small intestine, and most of the large intestine. It tells these organs to release digestive fluids to move food along.

What an incredible journey!

According to the Poly Vagal Institute, that’s not all it does.

  • Through its coordination with facial nerves, the vagus supports expressive communication.
  • As a key component of the parasympathetic nervous system, the vagus modulates the body’s stress response.
  • The vagus nerve contributes to speech by modulating vocal cord function and coordinating with respiratory rhythms, in concert with other cranial and cortical systems.
  • The vagus nerve plays a key role in modulating immune function through what is known as the inflammatory reflex. It inhibits the release of pro-inflammatory cytokines from immune cells.

The science behind deep breathing lies in a biological loop between the heart, the lungs, and the brain.

When we change how we breathe, we manipulate physical pressure inside our chest, which tricks the brain into shifting from “fight-or-flight” to “rest-and-digest” mode. The main action boils down to two main scientific concepts — biomechanical pressure and chemical signals.

In a nutshell, deep breathing causes a chain reaction.

The vagus nerve doesn’t just read thoughts; it responds to physical movement and pressure.

Anyone who practices deep breathing knows the exhale is more beneficial than the inhale.

Do you know why? I thought I did, until I researched the vagus nerve.

When we inhale, our diaphragm moves down to create more space in the chest cavity. This pressure change allows blood to rush into the heart more easily, causing our heart rate to momentarily race.

When we exhale, our diaphragm rises and compresses the chest cavity. This compression shifts blood out of the heart, temporarily raising blood pressure within the local vessels.

Specialized pressure sensors (baroreceptors) on our major arteries detect this sudden pressure shift and send an urgent signal to the brainstem that says, “Blood pressure is too high—slow down!”

In response, the brain fires a signal to the vagus nerve. The vagus releases a neurotransmitter called acetylcholine directly onto the heart. Acetylcholine acts like a physical brake pedal, instantly slowing our heart rate and dropping our blood pressure.

The Secret Sauce

The secret to stimulating the vagus nerve is to prolong the exhale.

Because the vagus nerve is actively applying the “brake” when we exhale, a slower, longer exhale keeps the calming chemical signal flowing.

Ever have a panic attack?

The reason why it feels like you’re dying is because quick, shallow breaths keep your body locked into sympathetic (stress) dominance. The best way out of a panic attack is to inhale deeply, hold for a second or two, then exhale as slow as possible until you’ve completely emptied your lungs. Rinse and repeat.

Other ways to stimulate the vagus nerve:

  • Getting restful sleep (deep breathing helps with this)
  • Sunlight exposure (please use sunblock)
  • Gargling & gag reflex (I’m addicted to mouthwash LOL)
  • Daily movement & exercise (writers, you must get up and move!)
  • Humming, chanting, and singing (during meditation or household chores)
  • Laughter & social connection (as an introvert, I’ll stick to laughter & one close friend)
  • Cold exposure (this also promotes anti-aging)
  • Yoga & meditation (yes, indeed)

Why share this on a writing blog?

Because I adore you and want you to live your best possible life. <3 Deep breathing also promotes focus, concentration, and creativity.

TKZers, how do you stimulate your vagus nerve daily?