I heard “formula for happiness” in a movie last week. Speaking as someone who went through an honest life review in my mid-fifties and left a 27-year marriage a year later, a formula for happiness piqued my interest, not because I’m unhappy—quite the opposite; leaving was the best decision I ever made—but because I wondered if a psychologist, scientist, or researcher found evidence to back up their claim of a happiness formula.
Sure enough, I found quite a few studies. Don’t you love it when fiction writers use factual information as a jumping off point?
I decided to write about this subject after a longtime-reader-turned-friend reached out to say my choice to start over gave her the courage to leave her 32-year loveless marriage. Six months later, she’s now content, happy, and loving life again. We had a deep discussion about why too many men and women stay in marriages that don’t work anymore. It’s easy to stay. It takes real courage to leave, especially after decades together.
At the time, I remember my husband said, “Why leave? We don’t even fight.” It’s true, we didn’t. Neither of us cared enough to fight. Rather than hurt him with that fact, I said, “Someday, you’ll thank me for this. I’m setting us both free.” Less than a year later, he did thank me.
That said, along with opening and closing multiple chapters in my life, I feel I have something to contribute to the subject of happiness.
First, let’s look at the studies.
According to long-term findings shared via The Atlantic, Harvard scholar Arthur C. Brooks relies on behavioral shifts rather than accumulating possessions for happiness. He believes we should:
- Love people instead of using them.
- Use things instead of loving them.
- Stay physically and socially engaged to protect our health and manage stress.
I agree with the first two. I also believe staying physically active contributes to happiness. Socially engaging with people every day? No, thank you. Humans wear me out. I’ve always been a happy loner. 😉 I surround myself with animals, nature, and a chosen few close friends/family. But socially engaging every single day? Nope, not for me. I cherish my alone time.
Equations for Happiness
Happiness = Results/Expectations
Meaning, focus on lowering expectations and how you measure outcomes. I’ve said many times writers should celebrate small victories i.e., hitting a word count, completing a chapter, or writing your Nifty Fifty (winking at you, JSB!). Celebrate hitting milestones, rather than stressing about writing the entire book. Also, keep expectations in check. Penning one novel won’t make you an overnight success. Writing is a marathon, not a sprint.
Happiness = Smiles – Frowns
Apple co-founder Steve Wozniak believes we should minimize complaints, arguments, and avoidable stress. I read another study that said smiling, singing, and dancing automatically induces happiness. And it’s true!
Enjoyment + Satisfaction + Meaning = Happiness
Meaning, break down happiness into active joy, accomplished goals, and a deeper sense of purpose. Enjoyment, in this context, is not a synonym for pleasure. Harvard Business School professor, Dr. Arthur Brooks, suggests, “The most miserable people pursue pleasure and stop there.” But pleasure is usually a component of enjoyment, nonetheless.
Enjoyment = Pleasure + Communion + Consciousness
Haven’t you found this to be true? We tend to enjoy pleasurable experiences more when we share them with someone else. Also, faith in a higher power (or whatever you believe in) plays a role in happiness.
Satisfaction = Haves vs. Wants
Brooks recommends a “want less” strategy, rather than “have more.” Serial consumption often has the opposite effect of fueling our wants, thereby shrinking our satisfaction. He also recommends a “reverse bucket list.” Meaning, write down the things we strive for but don’t need to be happy. It’s healthy to have goals, but if you don’t reach them (yet), that’s okay. Accept it and move on. Persevere. We learn more from failure than we do from victory.
Writer Scott H. Young’s Modern Rules for Happiness
(my comments are in magenta)
Embrace Life Seasons.
Accept unchangeable factors while maximizing current opportunities.
Is he talking about aging? If so, aging is part of life, yes. Accept it and move on.
Strive vs. Achieving
View the process of striving as energizing, while recognizing that hitting a fixed goal is often overrated.
Disagree. Hitting a goal should be celebrated. It is not overrated. It feels wonderful. Do we need to hit goals to be happy? No, of course not. Perhaps that’s what he means.
Meet others more than halfway.
Overcome natural human self-obsession through outreach.
I’ve never thought of myself as “self-obsessed,” but I understand the gist of this. It’s better to give than to receive.
Apologize and forgive often.
Use frequent apologies and forgiveness to prevent small conflicts from turning into long feuds.
Disagree. The phrase “I’m sorry” is so overused it’s lost all meaning. How about living without doing things you need to apologize for? If you do hurt someone, show them how awful you feel and try to fix it, rather than tossing out a meaningless apology.
Also, I don’t believe we should “forgive and forget” just to avoid conflict. If someone harms you, don’t be a doormat. Stand up for yourself. You matter just as much as they do. Afterward, yes, let it go. Life’s too short to hold on to anger and/or resentment.
Stop consuming enraging media.
Cut out toxic media streams driven by engagement algorithms designed to make you angry.
100% Agree.
Look for small novelties.
Actively search for tiny joys and moments of novelty in daily life.
100% Agree.
Exercise a psychological choice.
Remember that how you interpret events is a choice, which helps reduce feelings of helplessness.
100% Agree.
The Happiness Pie Chart
According to psychological research studies, like the “happiness pie chart,” 50% of our happiness comes from our genetics (our baseline “set point”) and 40% comes from our intentional activities, thoughts, and attitudes. Together, these two internal factors account for 90% of our overall happiness.
The Breakdown of the 90%:
- Genetics (50%): Our biological “set point” inherited from our parents, which dictates how we naturally bounce back from triumphs and setbacks.
- Intentional Activities & Mindset (40%): Our daily choices, how we process the world, gratitude, and relationships.
- Life Circumstances (10%): External factors like our income, job, marital status, or where we live account for only a small fraction of our overall well-being.
For me, this breakdown makes perfect sense. My mother wore a constant warm smile, viewed the world through rose-colored glasses (pardon all the cliches in this post!), and never uttered a cross word about anyone. And my brother and I have always been inherently happy people. No matter what life throws at us, we bounce back and rarely, if ever, complain about anything or anyone.
What if you don’t have “happy” genetics?
Don’t worry, you are not doomed. Modern science added a vital caveat to the 50% rule: genes are not a rigid destiny. While you may inherit a specific genetic predisposition, your lifestyle choices and mindset act as environmental switches—a field known as epigenetics. For more on this caveat, visit Neuroscience News.
7 Tips for a Happy Life
- Let go of the past. Don’t allow old mistakes to dictate your present or future.
- Focus on things within your control. Ignore the rest.
- Practice daily gratitude. Appreciate life’s splendor, like sunrises, sunsets, the moon, fall foliage, a warm breeze, snow-kissed trees, birdsong…I could go on and on. In other words, be thankful for another day. None of us know how many we have left.
- Prioritize physical and mental health. Maintain proper sleep, nutrition, and exercise.
- Surround yourself with positive people. Protect your peace from toxic environments.
- Keep learning. Maintain curiosity and personal growth.
- Live in the moment. Practice mindfulness instead of dwelling on the past or future.
One last interesting nugget I uncovered…
The U-Shaped Happiness Curve
According to psychological studies across 130+ countries, people typically start adulthood relatively cheerful, hit a significant emotional low point in midlife (between 47 – 50 y.o.), and then experience a major happiness rebound later in life. Globally, life satisfaction climbs at a steady pace after age 50 and peeks at 70.
Over to you, TKZers. Thoughts? Let’s discuss.