Canada wildfires are affecting the air quality in my area. The National Weather Service wrote, “acceptable; however, the air quality may pose a moderate health concern for a very small number of individuals.”
Strange statement, considering three out of four of my closest friends feel like they have a sinus infection or head cold. I wouldn’t classify 75% as a “very small number of individuals.” Also, who writes for the National Weather Service? Can’t be a professional writer, or “very small” wouldn’t be the term they used.
Substitutes for “very small”
- Tiny
- Minuscule
- Minute
- Few
- Diminutive
- Limited
- Trifling
- Teensy-weensy
- Slight
The subject of fluff arose last week while I was reading a brand new writer’s partial manuscript, including a prologue that was all backstory—important for her to know but irrelevant to the reader.
Rather than teach her how to tighten her writing, I focused on scene structure and techniques to force her characters to do something, anything. After several pages of notes, the fluff conversation could wait. The last thing I wanted was to obliterate a young writer’s dreams. Instead, I gave her a gentle nudge in the right direction.
For those farther along in their journey or career, recognizing fluff is an important subject. Those pesky buggers that sneak into first drafts and weaken our writing are better known as filler words and phrases aka fluff or flab.
If a filler word serves a purpose, such as to enhance characterization in dialogue, keep it. The objective is to tighten the writing by eliminating unnecessary words or phrases that might distract the reader.
Filler/Fluff/Flab Words
Just
Just should almost always be deleted.
Original: I just couldn’t bear to say goodbye.
Rewrite: I couldn’t bear to say goodbye.
That
That litters many first drafts, but it can often be deleted without any harm to the original sentence.
Original: I believe that all writers should kill their darlings.
Rewrite: All writers should kill their darlings.
The original sentence has another problem. Did you catch it? Believe in this context is a telling word. Any time we tell the reader things like “I thought” or “He knew” or “She felt” or “I believe,” we slip out of deep POV. Thus, the little darling must die, as I did in the rewrite.
So
Original: So, this huge guy glared at me in the coffee line.
Rewrite: This musclebound, no-necked guy glared at me in the coffee line.
Confession: I use “so” all the time IRL. It’s also one of the (many) writing tics I search for in my work. The only exception to eliminating this, or any other, filler word is if it’s used with purpose, like as a character cue word.
Really
Original: She broke up with him. He still really loves her.
Sometimes removing filler means combining or rewording sentences.
Rewrite: When she severed their relationship, his heart weakened.
Very
We’ve established where the National Weather Service went wrong with very, but I’ll include it anyway.
Original: He made me very happy.
Rewrite: When he neared, my skin tingled.
Of
To determine if “of” is necessary read the sentence with and without it. Makes sense without it? Delete. Doesn’t? Keep it.
Original: She bolted out of the door.
Rewrite: She bolted out the door.
Up (following an action)
Original: He stood up tall.
Rewrite: He stood tall.
Down (following an action)
Original: He sat down on the sofa.
Rewrite: He sat on the sofa.
Want(ed)
Want/wanted are telling words. Rewrite to preserve deep POV.
Original: I really wanted the chocolate cake.
Substitute with a strong verb, such as: I drooled over the chocolate cake. One bite. What could it hurt?
Came/Went
Both are filler words because they’re not specific enough.
Original: I went to the store to buy my favorite ice cream.
Rewrite: I raced to Marco’s General Store to feed my craving for coffee ice cream.
Had
Too many had words give the impression the action took place prior to the main storyline. If it is used in a flashback, one had in the opening sentence signals the beginning, one at the end closes the scene. But if it’s clear the action occurred in the past, had can often be omitted.
Original: I had gazed at the painting for hours, waiting for the eyes to move.
Rewrite: For hours, I gazed at the painting. The eyes never moved.
Well (to start a sentence)
Original: Well, the homecoming queen attended the dance without the homecoming king.
Rewrite: The homecoming queen attended the dance, stag.
Literally/Basically
Original: I basically had to drag her out of the bar by her hair.
Rewrite: I dragged her out of the bar by her hair.
Original: I literally laundered money today. Still plucking bills from the lint filter.
Rewrite: I laundered money today. Still plucking bills from the lint filter.
Actually
Original: Actually, I did mind.
Rewrite: I minded.
Highly
Original: She was highly annoyed by his presence.
Rewrite: His presence infuriated her.
Totally
Original: I totally didn’t understand a word.
Rewrite: Huh? *kidding* I didn’t understand a word. Was that English?
And any other -ly adverb. Can you substitute with a strong verb or noun instead?
Anyway (to start a sentence)
Original: Anyway, I hope you laughed, loved, and lazed on your summer vacation.
Rewrite: I hope you laughed, loved, and lazed on your summer vacation.
Fluff Phrases
Most of these phrases should be omitted. If used for a purpose, like to enhance characterization with a catch phrase, feel free to keep it. Otherwise, delete. It’s even more important to eliminate fluff if you’re still developing your voice.
A bit
Original: The movie was a bit intense. Lots of blood.
Rewrite: Intense movie. Blood galore.
There is no doubt that
Original: There is no doubt that football season begins in the fall.
Rewrite: Football season begins in the fall.
The reason is that
Original: The reason is that I said you can’t go.
Rewrite: Because I said so, that’s why (shout-out to moms everywhere!).
The question as to whether
Original: The question as to whether the moon will rise again is irrelevant.
Rewrite: Whether the moon will rise again is irrelevant.
Whether or not
Original: Whether or not you agree is not my problem.
Or worse: Whether you agree or not is not my problem.
Rewrite: Whether you agree is not my problem.
This is a topic that
Original: This is a topic that is close to my heart.
Rewrite: This topic is close to my heart.
In spite of the fact
Original: In spite of the fact that he said he loved you, he’s married.
Rewrite: Although he professed his love, he’s married.
Or: Despite that he claimed to love you, he’s married.
The fact that
Original: The fact that he has not succeeded means he cannot do the job.
Rewrite: His failure proves he cannot do the job.
In order to
Original: In order to pay bills online, you need internet access.
Rewrite: To pay bills online, you need internet access.
At the end of the day
Original: At the end of the day, we’re all human.
Rewrite: We’re human. Fallible.
Not gonna lie
This phrase irritates me, is overused by the younger crowd, and only raises questions.
- Why would you lie? We’re having a friendly conversation.
- Never considered you’d lie, but now I’m suspicious.
Original: Not gonna lie, that chocolate cake almost killed me.
Rewrite: That chocolate cake almost killed me.
I’ve joined the crowd affected by air pollutants from the wildfires. Please bear with me today. Not feeling my best. But don’t let that stop you from adding filler words & phrases I missed.
Sue, to be perfectly honest (as opposed to imperfectly honest or outrageously dishonest), I’m finding that your post is just so awesomely helpful that I can hardly wait to hurry up and put this incredibly amazing tool into action in my rewriting, y’know. Really.
News readers are the worst. They must get paid by the word.
Have a concise day.
Sometimes I wonder if newsreaders could get their name right ten times in a row without it being written down for them? They used to be professional speakers. Now they are good looking people who maybe passed 8th grade English.
Right, Alan. It’s a big maybe. 😂
Hahaha!!! And the Best Comment Award goes to… 😂😂😂
Good list, Sue. I’ve used a program that flags repeated words. There’s a new one in every manuscript. Starting sentences with “And” or “But” is on the top of my hit list.
Same, Terry. Tools like Pro Writing Aid are great for finding fluff.
AP English beat most of these words out of oldest child and by association, me too. How sentences start was a biggie. No “first”. Of course it is the first point I want to make. That is why I started here. Sentences never start with “And.” Just never.
Haha! Sentences beginning with “And” or “But” seem to be a popular pet peeve. Thanks for adding them to list, Alan.
I listen to a lot of NPR. My current pet peeve is “like”. I have heard interviews that have more than one like per sentence. These are professional speakers. How is that even possible?
Right? I’m as dumbfounded as you, Alan. Too many so-called professionals sound like amateurs.
Filler and fluff bedevil many writers, myself included. “Well” and “seems” are two of mine. Many fluff contractions are the writer trying to cover their backside by not speaking too confidently or with authority, when both are part of writing. Again, I’ve been there.
I hope you feel better soon. Wildfire smoke is a scourge. We’ve had our share here, and it’s nasty. Take care, my friend!
Thank you, Dale! I hope my body adjusts soon. Never had to worry about air quality in New England before.
Agree about fluff contractions.
Hope you have a fabulous week! 😊
Just is my go-to. I use it in my everyday speech. And I start a lot of words with and. One think that drives me nuts is the misuse of I with a preposition. Every time I hear or see something like ‘she gave it to Sue and I’, I yell in my head: It’s me, dummy!
I hear ya, Patricia! Drives me crazy when an author confuses I with me, though it is easy to do in the first draft. 🤷🏻♀️
Great list, Sue. I recognize many of my own mistakes in your examples.
The misuse of “literally” is one of my favorites. I’ve heard people say things like, “He literally exploded with anger.”
Like Patricia, I cringe at the use of “I” in the objective case.
Hope the Canadian wildfires are extinguished soon. Stay well.
Thanks, Kay.
Ooh, “literally” drives me crazy, in real life and books.
I believe it was TKZ where I first learned about the hazards of using such words. Thanks for the reminder. When I originally examined how frequently I was using these words in my writing, I was surprised at how much it was improved by removing them. I’ve now compiled a substantial list of such words and phrases with a few new ones being added today. That list is taped to the wall in front of me and at some point during editing I do a search for each word and decide if it is adding anything. Occasionally I let one slide (I stopped just inside the door.) but not often. I’m also more forgiving with dialogue as it’s more realistic when flawed. Letting a character begin a sentence with ‘so,’ or end it with a preposition can give a clue to their age or some other attribute. One thing that annoys me most when reading is when every character speaks like a former English professor.
I hate that, too, CR. Great idea to print out the fluff word list. I keep mine on in Notes on my phone and, like you, search for each one during edits. It’s amazing how many sneak into the first draft. I also give plenty of leeway for dialogue. Narrative rules need not apply.
Side note: Love hearing you first learned of filler words on TKZ! 😁
One of my pet peeves on filler stuff: Physical actions.
He touched her with his hand.
He nodded his head.
He shrugged his shoulders.
He jumped to his feet.
He flailed his arms.
He stood up. (as opposed to sideways I guess)
and that golden oldie….a smile came to his lips. (or sometimes tipped his lips upward)
That said, it’s 5 pm and the air outside stinks here in Michigan. Time to go bent an elbow 🙂
Bend an elbow that is. 🙂
All those irk me, as well, Kris. They’re a waste of precious real estate.
Oh, BTW Sue, my post tomorrow is on backstory. Argh.
Excellent. Looking forward to it. 😊
SOME – and the details of how much are important – of this is not so much fluff as personal style.
I have a very good friend whose speech is peppered with ‘you know’, ‘I mean’, and the horrible ‘like’. This person is an attorney. EVERY sentence has 1-3 of these. Drove me crazy – and I wondered whether I should tell them and risk our friendship. And how effective they might be in front of a judge!
That’s going too far for personal style/voice.
But a bit of it can indicate a particular character’s arrival on the scene, if it’s intentional.
For me, the solution has been AutoCrit’s counting functions (no AI, and I don’t look at their advice) for word and phrase frequencies. If I used a 2-4 word phrase more than once in a piece of work, I find out – and can decide which ones and how many to keep.
AC notifies me how many times I’ve used a word (or similar word). Sometimes my reaction is Yikes! Followed by examining every single occurrence of that word in the piece, and an executive decision whether it lives or dies in that instance.
A very common and relatively easy one is your ‘that.’ I don’t just examine the occurrences for removal or rewriting – but I ask which that’s can be replaced by whiches, because ‘that’ usually goes with anything, but can be replaced with ‘which’ for animals and people.
And I tend to write way too long and with way too many hedgings (a little bit, some of the time, a rather anything… as one does to soften things said in conversation where one wants to leave a little maneuvering room), so if I don’t catch it while writing, it’s going to get shortened and cleaned up and tidied before I let it out of the house. I know my flaws, and use the AC counting features MANY times while writing each scene.