Reading Myself, Myself…

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John Ramsey Miller

Last week I uploaded a completed manuscript I finished a year ago to my Kindle and started reading it. After having read it numerous times on the computer screen and on paper, I was amazed how on my Kindle I found myself reading it differently as it was more just book-like. It was easier for me to spot my typos, see the weaknesses and flaws that I missed on the other passes. Of course correcting on the Kindle is beyond my understanding and abilities, so I will have to go back to the lap box. It’s one of those novels with good bones, but it needs work. I know my strengths, but not as well as I know my weaknesses. My friend Phillip Hawley read it and made a lot of very valuable and insightful comments and suggestions. In fact he’d make a great editor. I’ve had four great editors, and they made my books what they were. No doubt about it. In fact, sometimes I feel like I am one of them singers who’s records are only great because of the producer’s mastery of soundboards and studio tricks that fool the ears of just about everybody.

Speaking of my Kindle, I noticed one of the novels I read by Ken Follett (A Dangerous Fortune) contained several typos–probably put there by the typesetter. Just made me wonder why they weren’t caught in the years since the book was published and lately transferred to Kindle format. There’s nothing more annoying than finding typos in your book that were put in after the final edits, or missed by the final set of checkers after everybody else missed them. Worse still is finding them early and then having them “not” be corrected.

Of late I’ve been reading a lot more than I usually do. Maybe it’s the time of year and the gloomy days. I think I should be reading less, living and writing more.

I hope everybody reading this had a great Thanksgiving. Mine was Norman Rockwell perfect until the first shots were fired across the table. I’m looking forward to our annual Christmas fiasco.

The Art of the Editorial Letter

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By John Gilstrap
I believe that the editorial letter is an art form unto itself. This is the missive that a writer’s editor sends ahead of the marked-up manuscript to give a general sense of direction, and to pass along thoughts for ironing out rough patches in a story.

I’ve had a lot of editors over the years. One in particular loved to hear himself write, producing a 9 page editorial letter for me, single-spaced in 10-point Times New Roman. These were the days when you received an actual letter—you know, the kind with an envelope and postage. It was excruciating to read, and a nightmare to decipher.

For an editor, I imagine that the letter is a balancing act.  It’s tough to offer enough input without being too bruising to the writer’s ego. It also means knowing how sensitive your author is to such bruising.

My current editor is Michaela Hamilton of Kensington Publishing—truly the best in the business—and she has granted permission for me to share her letter regarding my next novel, Threat Warning (July, 2011) with our dear Killzoners. Her text is italicized here only as a means to keep her comments separate from mine. (I have omitted sections of the letter that might serve as spoilers to the book.)

I think it’s interesting to note how much of her input to my work parrots what we’ve been discussing in this space over the past year. Here we go:

Dear John,

I have greatly enjoyed rereading the ms of THREAT WARNING. It is an outstanding thriller.

Note to the sensitive among you: This is the last purely positive statement in the letter, and that’s the way it should be. “Outstanding thriller” is plenty enough affirmation from a big honkin’ New York editor. Hearing what works is pleasing, but in this context, it’s a waste of time. This is a repair mission, not a teaching moment.

Cuts are needed for pace throughout. Don’t over-explain. Your action and dialogue speak brilliantly for themselves. Keep pace moving.

I can hear Jim Bell shouting, “You go, girl!” Like authors everywhere, I have a tendency to over-indulge on explanation. She’s not telling me anything I don’t know in principle, but I can’t wait to see the sections she’s talking about. I thought it was pretty damn tight already.

Jonathan’s dialogue and internal monologues sometimes sound pompous. I understand that he’s a thinking reader’s action hero, but I don’t think he should talk or think like a Ph. D. candidate, especially in the middle of an action scene.

Translation: Quit slowing down your own story, Gilstrap! The reader will get it!

Some names struck me as odd or inappropriate.

She goes on to list the names that she thought were difficult, but I cut that section because the discussion gives away too much. The bottom line is that names need to be pronounceable, even when they are read.

Don’t resort to overused gestures such as shrugged, nodded, sighed, shook his head. These are ok occasionally, but in general, seek more vivid gestures that tell more about a character, help set a mood, and create visual dimension in the scene.

Guilty as charged. My problem here is that the ones she notes are the only conversational gestures that I know of. I stipulate that I overuse them, but if anyone has other gesture arrows that I can add to the quiver, feel free to speak up.

You know how I feel about adverbs. I’ve crossed out enough for a small country. Keep them to a minimum.

Comments like this make me smile. They show that my editor likes me enough to make fun outright.

I am also something of a nut about “moment.” It should not be overused. “Long moment” hits the same raw nerve with me as “very unique.” Use it if you want, but not too often, ok?

Again, I know I do this. I just have a hard time stopping myself.

Scenes in . . . need to move much faster. I don’t think thriller fans will want to sit through . . .; and the static scenes of . . . need to be kept short and punchy.

I know that’s a lot of truncation, but there was a lot of spoiler material in there. Note the emphasis on pacing, pacing, pacing. In a thriller, the phrase “static scenes” is synonymous with “scenes that suck.” Also, Joe, note her use of the semicolon. I’m just sayin’ . . .

Some other scenes also got too preachy for my taste. I’ve marked suggestions for cuts.

Pacing again.

Language: I suggest deleting the F-word and “Jesus” when used as an exclamation. I was surprised at how often the F-word appears in the ms . . . My advice is not to use it. Some people will object to it. But no one will object if it does not appear in the book. I’ve never seen a reader letter or email saying the book would have been better if it had a few more F-words.

Truthfully, this one surprises me a little. First off, I’m surprised that the F-bomb appears as much as it apparently does, and secondly, Michaela has never objected to it before. I think it’s a point well-taken. Clearly, I’ve got some crossing out to do.

Thank you for taking these comments into consideration. After you’ve had a chance to think about them, and to review the edited ms, please send me a new Word document incorporating all changes. I look forward to turning it in for production as well as rights submissions.

Okay, here’s the thing: I don’t have to make any of these changes. My name is on the cover, after all, and the things we’re talking about in the editorial letter are not of the magnitude that would cause the manuscript to be rejected. I will make the changes, however, because they’re all valid comments. Folks, there is nothing more valuable to a professional writer than a professional editor.

If possible, I would love to receive the revised ms the week of Nov. 29.

Well . . . I’ll try.

It’s Thanksgiving. Why are you online?

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Okay, guess we all need time away from the table. And maybe football isn’t for everyone. So you’re here with me on Thanksgiving. And like me, you’ve probably eaten waaaay too much, but in case you’re in doubt about that, you should look for the signs here:

Top Ten Signs You’ve Eaten Too Much at Thanksgiving Dinner

10. Hundreds of volunteers have started to stack sandbags around you.

9. Doctor tells you your weight would be perfect for a man 17 feet tall.

8. You are responsible for a slight but measurable shift in the earth’s axis.

7. Right this minute you’re laughing up pie on the carpet.

6. You decide to take a little nap and wake up in mid-July.

5. World’s fattest man sends you a telegram, warning you to “back off!”

4. CBS tells you to lose weight or else.

3. Getting off your couch requires help from the fire department.

2. Every escalator you step on immediately grinds to a halt.

1. You’re sweatin’ gravy.

My other blogger mates would have a thought provoking post about much more heady matters, but hey, that’s not me. With the tense novels I write, I need a good laugh. So I dug out my parachute pants and got into it with M. C. Hammer.


As we speak, I’m having Thanksgiving at my sister’s house. (I know. You thought I was online with you, but I hate to break it to you, I posted early. Sorry.) This year it was my responsibility to make a family classic, our traditional Cranberry Chutney, one of my dad’s contributions. But after seeing this video, I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to eat cranberries again.


For the sake of discussion, I’d love to hear from you, as long as you’re here. What are your favorite things to do on Thanksgiving? And what dishes do you consider sacred MUST HAVE traditions?

On behalf of all of us at The Kill Zone, I hope you’re having a special day with your family and loved ones. We appreciate your visits to our site. It makes us feel like family, so thanks. Have a wonderful holiday season and don’t forget…

Books make wonderful gifts!


Romance in a Mystery Series

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How do you develop a romantic relationship in a mystery series? Most importantly, keep things slow and subtle. You don’t want to resolve the romance by the end of book one. Build it step-by-step, advancing or retreating each stage per book.

Give your characters internal and external conflicts to keep them apart. The external conflict is your mystery. The internal conflict is the reason why they hesitate to get involved in a relationship. Maybe your heroine was hurt by a former lover and is afraid of getting burned again. Or she has a fierce need for independence because she has to prove herself worthy of respect. Why? What happened in her past to produce this need?

Keep asking questions to deepen the motivation. Maybe your hero doesn’t want a family because his own parents went through a bitter divorce; and secretly he feels he isn’t worthy of being loved. Or maybe he suppresses his emotions and doesn’t know how to give affection. Whatever the opposite sex character does appears to deepen or challenge this inner torment.

Your characters are immediately attracted to each other through physical chemistry. This pulls them together while the inner conflicts tear them apart. Yet for the relationship to succeed, it must advance. The benefits begin to outweigh the risks. As they become emotionally closer, your characters progress through the stages of intimacy.

Stages of Intimacy:

1. Physical awareness: Your characters notice each other with heightened sensitivity. For example, he is aware of her physical attributes; identifies her personal scent; feels a response in her presence. This may include a racing heartbeat, coiling warmth, tingling skin, etc.

2. Intrusion of thoughts: Your character begins thinking of this other person often; he/she invades your character’s mind.

3. Touching: First, it may be an arm around the shoulder, lifting a chin, touching an elbow. They come closer until the desire to kiss is almost palpable. Rising sexual tension is the key to capturing your reader’s interest.

4. Kissing

5. Touching in more intimate places

6. Coupling: Focus on the emotional reactions of your character. Avoid clinical terms or use them sparingly if at all. This is lovemaking, not just sex. For it to be romantic, think "slow seduction", not "slam bam, thank you ma’am".

Throw a wrench into the relationship when all seems to be going well. His former wife appears on the scene; the heroine does something thoughtless and alienates him; he feels pressured and backs off. Finally, they both change and compromise to resolve their differences.

Here is how this work in my Bad Hair Day mystery series (spoiler alert):

PERMED TO DEATH: Hairstylist Marla Shore meets Detective Dalton Vail. [girl meets boy]. While instantly attracted to each other, they share a mutual distrust. Marla is the prime suspect in her client’s murder [external conflict]. Vail is suspicious of her, and rightfully so. Marla hides a secret that gives her a motive. Meanwhile, Marla is suspicious of Vail’s interest because she thinks it’s a pretense. He wants to get to know her in order to learn what she’s hiding.

Besides the external conflict, Marla and Dalton have several internal conflicts at the start of the series. Marla doesn’t want children because of a past tragedy, and Vail has a preteen daughter. Marla values her independence after divorcing a domineering attorney, and Vail tries to direct her behavior. Vail, having lost his wife to cancer, is afraid of losing Marla. He wants to protect her, but she keeps placing herself in jeopardy. She interprets his protective behavior as telling her what to do. Thus they have several issues to overcome before intimacy. At the story’s end, he asks her for a date and she decides to accept [relationship moves forward].

HAIR RAISER: Marla meets Vail’s daughter [forward]. Marla dates an accountant who earns her family’s approval but he may be a murder suspect [backward]. Marla and Vail share their First Kiss [forward].

MURDER BY MANICURE: Marla takes Vail’s daughter, Brianna, to dance class [forward]. Marla pretends to be her friend Arnie’s fiancé so he can rid himself of an amorous old flame. They bring Vail into the scheme to date this woman. Marla gets jealous of Vail when he pays the lady more attention than her [backward]. Marla earns his daughter’s regard [forward].

BODY WAVE: Marla’s ex-spouse, Stan, enters the picture when his third wife is a murder victim. Marla and Vail work together to solve the case [forward]. Stan stirs up feelings Marla would rather forget. Vail is jealous. Marla accuses him of wanting to pin the murder on Stan [backward].

HIGHLIGHTS TO HEAVEN: Marla and Vail argue over his restrictive rules for Brianna, and Marla feels she has no place in their life if he won’t listen to her advice [backward].

DIED BLONDE: Vail proposes [forward].

DEAD ROOTS: Vail meets Marla’s extended family; he presents her with engagement ring [forward].

PERISH BY PEDICURE: Marla meets parents of Vail’s dead wife. Vail takes their side [backward].

KILLER KNOTS: Marla meets Vail’s parents on a cruise. She and Dalton set a wedding date [forward].

And watch for SHEAR MURDER coming in January 2012 to see what happens next. Most of my fan mail is about Marla and Dalton. That should tell you something about what readers care about. Keep the conflict alive to keep your readers interested. Even if your couple gets married, nothing is perfect, is it?

Homeward bound

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Note: I’m on the road in New Mexico–literally homeward bound–so I won’t be able to chat until late Tuesday night.  Catch you then!

Writers often have two types of homes: The first is the place where we live, and the second is our writer’s home.  The writer’s “home” is the place where we find inspiration, characters, setting–and especially, theme. Often it’s based on the place we grew up, or a time that was especially formative for us. Our writer’s home is the place we never leave behind in our imaginations.

I was thinking about the writer’s home as my mother and I have been on the road this week. We’re driving from Washington, D.C. to Los Angeles, stopping at various relative’s houses and historical spots. My mother is the family genealogist, so she insisted we stop in Monroeville, Alabama, where her side of the family has strong roots. I’d never been to Monroeville before, but I was thrilled to discover that this charming southern town is the place where Harper Lee, Truman Capote, and other notable writers grew up. It’s easy to see how the town inspired scenes in Lee’s wonderful novel, To Kill A Mockingbird. The original court house is still there where Atticus Finch–a character based on her own father, who was a lawyer and newspaper editor–thundered in defense of justice. 


I can’t claim Monroeville as my writer’s home because I didn’t grow up there, but I’m happy that my kinfolk did. It gives me a sense of literary pride by proxy. 


What about you? Do you have a spiritual writer’s home, a place that serves as a creative well for your fiction? Do you actively incorporate your “home” into your writing?


Letting Action Define Your Characters

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by Clare Langley-Hawthorne

I just finished a book (which shall remain nameless) for my first Australian book club meeting and despite all its accolades and awards I couldn’t believe how totally uninvested I was in any of the characters. I’ve been mulling over the reasons for this ever since I skimmed my way to the finish yesterday and this morning I woke to find I knew exactly what the author’s problem was – she had failed to let her characters be defined by action.

In many ways this is a classic literary novel mistake because, lets face it, in a mystery or a thriller there’s no way an editor would let us get away with having passive characters who spent half their time engaged in inner monologues about how they felt!

We have blogged a lot on this topic but never has the reason been made so clear to me as it was after finishing this book. Although there were some dramatic moments and a terrific historical backdrop, none of these had any resonance as the characters seemed to be little more than distant, passive observers to all that was occurring in the book. So I compiled a short list for myself, as a reminder of what not to do, when I feel the literary urge coming on (and believe me, getting pseudo-literary is one of my many failings as a writer:)!)

1. Rein in those inner monologues and angst. While okay in small doses this book diluted the power of any angst-defining moments by having the main character ruminate ad nauseam. It would have been far better for the character to have been confronted by his past – in a direct and visceral way so the reader could have seen (rather than being told) how this impacted the character.

2. Cut the literary bull. Too much pondering, pretty metaphors and dream sequences drag a story down (and this book had enough of these to sink the Titanic). Far better to let the plot move the character through his or her emotions.

3. Let action/reactions tell the story not the author. In this book I felt that as a reader I was being told too much by the author – to the point where I didn’t see the characters as real. They became little more than a literary device for the author to tell me her clever observations on the societal issues of yesteryear (yikes!).

4. Insist the plot drive character development. As far as I could tell I didn’t witness any real character development or change, I was merely told that it had happened by the author.

5. Ensure each character is true to life not a literary contrivance. In this book almost all the character flaws were described but never actually witnessed. Once again, without action or plot points to reveal these I was never invested as a reader.

So if you had to do a list on using action to define characters what else would you add (or change on my list). Have you read any book recently that you have found similarly lacking? And why do authors of so-called literary books often forget the basics that we, in our field, would never be able to get away with?!

Pound the Keys and Drop the Pounds

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James Scott Bell

I was presenting at the Surrey International Writers’ Conference last month, and a fellow writer told us about this doctor who’s invented a treadmill desk. His theory, this doctor, is that you have to move a little to lose a lot (thus the title of his book, yes, Move a Little, Lose a Lot). Our bodies at rest (like when we’re sitting and typing) slow down the metabolism and preserve our body fat, so we have enough energy to run away from a mastodon should it invade our cave.
So says this doctor. But if you work at your desk and walk at the same time, hey! Drop those ugly pounds while you’re answering emails or talking to clients!
Reminds me of that scene in Woody Allen’s Bananas, where product tester Fielding Mellish tries out a prototype exercise desk, with less than optimal results. Have a look:


Now Dr. James Levine, of the Mayo Clinic, seems to have ironed out all those bugs. The only problem is that his desk costs around five grand. Here’s a picture.
Always looking for a way to save a few bucks (or a few thousand), I figured out a cheapie alternative. As in zero dollars. I already have a treadmill. And I have an AlphaSmart Neo. I just stuffed a towel in the gap between the bar and console, and rested Alphie on top.
Walk at a steady 2.5 and . . . type!
Here is your intrepid correspondent, shedding pounds and creating art, under the watchful eye of Marlon Brando in On the Waterfront.

This must make me the very definition of a lean, mean writing machine.
Which leads to today’s question: where is the strangest place you’ve ever written?  

How Far Do You Go?

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Brother Gilstrap mentioned yesterday that it was his job as an author of thrillers to give his readers a wild ride. ‘Tis true, of course, but it got me to thinking about what happens when we climb aboard a horse which we expect to be a stallion but which seems, at least out of the gate, to be a foal. It has happened to me, and I daresay at some point it happens to everyone who reads a fair number of books: the first couple of pages grab you, but twenty or so pages into the story you find that the grip is becoming looser by the paragraph.

My question to you is, how deeply do you go into a book before you check out? What is your line of demarcation? Do you give the author a chance to change your mind? Do you immediately hang it up? Or do you hang in until the bitter end? For me, if I’m not immediately enjoying a book by a familiar or favorite author, I go one-third of the way into it before I even think about calling it quits. If I’m reading a book by an author unfamiliar to me, it’s a bit more complicated. If the narrative (or my mind) seems to be wandering before I’m one hundred pages in, I may consign it to my “later” pile in favor of something more immediately appealing. The same is true if I have no idea what has been happening during the thirty pages or so I just read, or can’t recall, in the words of the famous limerick, who has been doing what and to who. At that point I tend to put the book down wet.

But what about you? How far do you go? A few pages? A few chapters? One-third? One-half? Or do you engage in the literary equivalent of speed dating: the story has to impress you in five minutes, or you’re done?

*******

What I’m reading: The Emperor’s Tomb by Steve Berry. Worth reading for the mention of abiotic oil alone. And for so much more. Berry is a master of rendering the complicated and complex interesting and exciting. And yes, it’s a wild ride.

Last Lines

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By John Gilstrap
Over the years, we’ve devoted a lot of space here at The Killzone to the importance of first lines, but in the grand scheme of things, I spend far more time in my own writing fretting over the last line.  I’ve lost track of the books that have held me solidly in their spell all the way till the last couple of pages, only to betray my devotion by short-changing me on the ending.  I vow never to do that.

As a writer of thrillers, I think it’s my job to give my readers a wild ride, filled with exciting twists.  I work hard to make my characters seem alive to readers, and I’m often harder on the good guys than I am on the bad guys–at least for a while.  I owe it to my readers to bring the story to a satisfying ending.  That doesn’t mean that I promise a “happy ending” necessarily, but I do guarantee a sense of peace when the journey is over.  It’s the kind of commitment that I think breeds trust between a writer and his readers.

Now that I’m writing a series, I face the additional challenge of leaving enough of a cliffhanger to compel readers to look forward to the next book without also incurring their wrath by making them feel baited and switched.  To pull all of that off within the time constraints of my contract, I have to know the point to which I am writing the story.

All too often these days, I read books by brand name authors who seem to end their books by running out of words.  The plot develops, climaxes and then . . . I’m at the back cover.  One of the most egregious examples in recent years is John Grisham’s A Painted House.  I actually wondered if I had picked up a defective book where the last chapter had been removed.  Don’t get me wrong: I think Grisham is a great story teller, and as I read it, I thought that House was one of his best.  And then . . . thud.

An even more famous example is Stephen King’s The Stand.  There I was plowing through hundreds of thousands of words, loving it, loving it, loving it, and . . . what are you kidding me??

Here’s the thing about this three-act structure most of us adopt in our writing: A story had a beginning, a middle and an end, and each part is equally important.  There’s no room for laziness.  Every component of every scene needs to pull the reader forward.  The last scene is most important of all, I think, because that’s what the reader will remember forever.

I haven’t always gotten it right, either–at least not if you read some of the letters I’ve gotten over the years.  Nathan’s Run in particular has generated a number of letters from fans who wanted one more chapter.  In fact, the chapter they craved was in my original draft.  I took it out and reinserted it four or five times before I decided to leave it in the drawer.  Without giving too much away, I thought–and I still think, but am less sure–that the story ended when the action ended, and that the final feel-good knot-tying chapter was a step too far.

Of course, I’m the curmudgeon who believes that JK Rowling’s biggest misstep in the largely-wonderful Harry Potter saga is the final chapter–the coda, really–of The Deathly Hallows.  I would rather have imagined the future instead of having it spelled out for me.  It didn’t ruin anything for me; it just felt like one too many bits of storytelling.

What do y’all think?  Any favorite endings out there?  Terrible ones?

For me, the best closing line ever written, bar none, comes from To Kill A Mockingbird: “And he’d be there when Jem waked up in the morning.”  It tells us everything we need to know, and let’s us just float on the satisfaction of time well spent.

Tipos

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by Michelle Gagnon

There was a lively debate about typos last week in one of the crime fiction forums. This is always a particularly painful subject for me. You see, I’m a bit of a perfectionist, especially when it comes to my books. I’ve gone through each and every one of them with a fine-tooth comb at least twenty times before they leave my hands and head off to the printer. My sister, a talented editor and copy-editor, has also read through each manuscript three or four times by that point. And of course, my editor and copyediting team at the publishing house have played their part in making sure that the final product is as close to perfect as we can get it.

And yet, somehow, someway, they always get in there.

I first discovered this with my debut THE TUNNELS. My book club offered to read the book, which was a real thrill until they sat down and said almost in unison, “Oh my God, that typo!”

Turns out that a particularly glaring one appears early in the book. I was completely mortified. I raced home after the meeting and dug up my final line-edited copy of the manuscript: no typo. How it got there remains a puzzle to this day.

Which is why I adamantly refuse to crack the cover on my books once they appear in printed form. Because one of those little buggers probably snuck in there. And some sharp-eyed reader is going to make a note of it, and think less of me because of it. Which makes me crazy.

My favorite part of the discussion last week, however, involved other peoples’ “worst typo” ever stories. So I took it upon myself to consolidate the really, truly awful, culled both from that site and other sources:

  • Based on a completely unscientific analysis (conducted by me), one of the more common typos involves neglecting to include the “l” in the word “public.” Several people listed this as an issue, including a woman who produced a newsletter sent to 20,000 pub(l)ic employees, supervisors, and the district office. I would argue that there’s a definite Freudian component to this one.
  • Along the same lines…one contributor used to live on St. Denis Street. Unfortunately their Catholic newsletter incorrectly recorded the “D” in “Denis” as a “P.” And yet somehow, the mail continued to arrive at their house. Apparently they had a better mail delivery person than I have ever been blessed with. Or at least one with a decent sense of humor.
  • Penguin Group Australia once had to reprint 7000 cookbooks due to a typo. The recipe in The Pasta Bible called for “salt and freshly ground black people.” The lesson here: spell check and autofill are not always your friend.
  • One author received a note from a reviewer who, “loved the book, but was concerned by the fact that at one point your heroine looks out across a sea of feces.”
  • And finally, one from the history books: A bible published in the 1600s in London omitted the word “not” in the Seventh Commandment, leading to the mandate, “Thou Shalt Commit Adultery.” Perhaps this is the version many prominent politicians were raised on.

So I’d love to hear any great (as in, truly terrible/mortifying/hilarious) typo stories.