Category Archives: #writetip

First page critique: Oh, the places you’ll go! Or, not.

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Hi Guys! Today we have a first-page submission from another brave writer. This one is called ALICE IN REAL LIFE.

My comments follow.

***

Life is funny . . . in a brutal kind of way.

One minute you’re a youngster surrounded by grown-ups shoving sunshine up your ass about your bright, shiny future and the next, you’re alone in a crappy apartment, pushing thirty and taking stock of your inadequate underwear supply while packing to leave the country.
Or, is this just me?

Come on, I can’t be alone here. As a kid, you must’ve heard crap like, “the world is your oyster”, whatever that means. And I know I’m not the only one given this inspirational little book by a well-meaning grown-up at high school graduation: “Oh the Places You’ll Go!” by Dr. Seuss. Sound familiar? At one point, the main character enjoys a magical balloon ride, ascending through marvelous new experiences in a whimsical world. As if the only place to go is up. It’s cute. It’s promising. It’s bullshit.

Maybe parents hand this out to see the hope in their kids’ eyes that was lost when they found out the truth about Santa. Or, maybe they’re sadistic assholes that just want to tell one more lie. They know the ride into adulthood will be much more like a roller coaster. Not the Disneyland kind. The questionable, County Fair-taking-your-life-into-your-own-hands kind.

Sure, Dr. Seuss’s character hits a couple of bumps along the way, but my version would have even more reality mixed into those colorful pages. I’d still call it “Oh the Places You’ll Go”, but without the exclamation point and with a sad little Who on the cover pinching the top of his nose and shaking his head. Still whimsical, but with a hint of shame. Chapter 1, “Vomiting in a men’s room toilet while a stranger holds your hair”. Chapter 2, “The choice between paying rent and eating”. Chapter 3, “Your boyfriend’s selling drugs out of your apartment”.  But, wait – there’s more!  Chapter 5, “The engagement’s off”. Then, there’s the part I’m on now, Chapter 6, “Your mom battles cancer . . . and loses”.

Okay, I can see how this sounds like a great big bummer and book sales would not be good. Dr. Seuss wasn’t stupid. And Mom wasn’t sadistic for giving me hope, but, let’s cut the crap at graduation. Because I’ll tell you, the only time the world was full of magical shapes and whimsical colors was during Chapter 4, “That regrettable mushroom incident”.


***

My comments:

“Doctor Bombay! Doctor Bombay! Emergency! Come right away!“
 
Wow. Talk about having a voice. Reading this first page, I feel like I just got a two a.m. call from a close friend in crisis. The kind of call which would cause me to knock the sleep out of my eyes, throw on some clothes, and trundle across greater LA, braving freeway traffic to see how I could help sort things out.

My feeling is that this section sounds like the first page of an incredibly interesting memoir. I want to get to know this narrator.  What happened to her, and why? This page makes me want to go on the journey with her.

What say you, TKZers? Chime in!

Postscript on Thrillerfest

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Thrillerfest manages to keep getting better, year after year. I did the whole shebang this year–the FBI workshop, MasterCraft,

John Sandford before his talk at Craftfest

CraftFest, and the conference. It was a treat participating in the inaugural session of MasterCraft. My group worked with the fabulous D.P. Lyle, who facilitated an intensive critique of the attendees’ first ten pages.

Panel: Writers’ quirks and superstitions


On Saturday I took part in a panel hosted by Brad Parks. Our topic was writers’ quirks and superstitions. We had fun with the theme, and even got a bit rowdy at times. (I seem to be preparing to make a snarky riposte in the photo!)


A little later, I was interviewed by Jessica Mazo for MartiniProductionsNYC for their Author’s Chair sequence.

Now I’m back, and already looking forward to Bouchercon, which will be in my neck of the woods this year. Will you be attending Bouchercon? And who did I miss seeing at Thrillerfest? I couldn’t reset my west coast bio-clock and consequently faded early, so I didn’t hang out at the bar gatherings as much as usual this year!

The hypnagogic Hyatt lobby face

Notes from Thrillerfest 2014: The FBI Seminar for Writers

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I just returned from the pre-conference, full-day seminar for writers at the FBI. There was a long waiting list for this popular workshop, so I was thrilled to attend! We met top FBI officials for the New York Field Office, including George Venizelos, Assistant Director-in-Charge. The session was jam-packed with presentations by the Special Agents in Charge of the New York Field Divisions, including Criminal, Special Operations/Cyber, Intelligence, and Counterterrorism.

Working with the FBI as a writer

We received a useful handout called WORKING WITH THE FBI: A Brief Guide for Writers. It describes how to request assistance from the FBI for a literary project. The Investigative Publicity and Public Affairs Unit (IPPAU) of the FBI reviews written requests for assistance on a case-by-case basis.

In case you missed it

If you’d like to learn more about the FBI, various Field Offices offer a 10-week Citizens Academy. Follow the link for more information.


Your favorite FBI story?
 
What’s your favorite portrayal of the FBI in books or film? I like following the fictional characters of the Behavioral Analysis Unit (BAU)  in CRIMINAL MINDS.

Not Quite Ready for Prime Time

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Yesterday, Clare alerted us to a great discussion about how professional writers create by listening to an inner voice. It occurred to me that we also need to develop another “inner ear”, one that can discern whether our own work rises to the level of being publishable.

It’s difficult to tell someone their work isn’t ready for publication, or even submission. I ran into this situation the other day. A friend told me (breathless with excitement) that she’d signed up for an agent pitch session at an upcoming conference. 

“You’re pitching your XYZ manuscript?” I asked in disbelief.

A happy nod. “I finished it over the weekend,” she said.

Cowardly Lion here didn’t tell her friend the truth–that her project is not ready. It’s nowhere near ready.

It’s interesting to note that this same writer friend can provide a keen analysis of other people’s writing. Just not her own.

I wonder if we all tend to have a blind spot for our own writing. Perhaps the way we “hear” our writing is influenced by the way it unfolds within our imagination. Stories can live so vividly inside our noggins. Unfortunately, there’s a huge leap between seeing a  story in the imagination, and conveying it successfully on the page.

Bridging that gap is a critical part of the writer’s job. 

Have you ever sensed you had a “blind spot” for something in your own writing? How did you correct it?

A Retreat for Renewal

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I’m on the road today, wending my way home from the Retreat by the Sea, a writer’s retreat organized by Writer’s Digest. It was a fabulous weekend. This particular retreat is special because you are given the opportunity to have your own work reviewed during intensive sessions that focus on preparing your manuscript for submission to industry professionals. Other sessions are jam-packed with information about craft and shaping a story.

Our instructors were the talented author and reviewer Hallie Ephron; Paula Munier, a Senior Literary Agent and Content Strategist at Talcott Notch Literary Services; and Phil Sexton, Publisher of Writer’s Digest.

Discussion with agent Paula Munier

I had always been curious about what a writer’s retreat would be like, and this experience exceeded my expectations. In addition to the workshops and learning sessions, there was a wonderful bonhomie as the attendees got to know each other. I came away from the retreat feeling refreshed, renewed, and optimistic about the future of publishing. If you ever have a chance to go to a retreat (expecially this one!), I highly recommend that you seize the opportunity.

Have you been to a writer’s retreat before? How was the experience for you?

A Retreat for Renewal

Posted on by

I’m on the road today, wending my way home from the Retreat by the Sea, a writer’s retreat organized by Writer’s Digest. It was a fabulous weekend. This particular retreat is special because you are given the opportunity to have your own work reviewed during intensive sessions that focus on preparing your manuscript for submission to industry professionals. Other sessions are jam-packed with information about craft and shaping a story.

Our instructors were the talented author and reviewer Hallie Ephron; Paula Munier, a Senior Literary Agent and Content Strategist at Talcott Notch Literary Services; and Phil Sexton, Publisher of Writer’s Digest.

Discussion with agent Paula Munier

I had always been curious about what a writer’s retreat would be like, and this experience exceeded my expectations. In addition to the workshops and learning sessions, there was a wonderful bonhomie as the attendees got to know each other. I came away from the retreat feeling refreshed, renewed, and optimistic about the future of publishing. If you ever have a chance to go to a retreat (expecially this one!), I highly recommend that you seize the opportunity.

Have you been to a writer’s retreat before? How was the experience for you?