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Category Archives: #writetip
Manhunt Comes a Little Too Close for Comfort
It’s been an exciting week in my little beachside burg. A law enforcement manhunt transformed our sleepy, residential street into the eastern edge of a police perimeter lockdown.
A local police chase ended around noon, when a pair of auto thieves rammed into another car at an intersection a few blocks away from my house. Officers quickly apprehended one of the suspects, but the other one fled and began jumping fences. The police set up a perimeter, one leg of which ended at the foot of our driveway. When I poked my head out to see what was going on, a boyish-looking officer ordered me to stay inside the house and lock all doors. Minutes later, a police chopper began buzzing our house.
Of course, I was thrilled by the ruckus. It offered me a rare opportunity to put our overpriced, high-tech security system to good use. As my husband looked on with a bemused expression, I ran around the house like a jumpy little chicken hawk, arming doors while monitoring the progress of the police chase on an iPad pressed to my ear. Then I reviewed every angle of the house from the camera monitor, to make sure no one had snuck in when we weren’t looking. Leaving nothing to chance, I grabbed our Flat-coated retriever to do a perimeter check. (Our dog MacGregor is totally untrained and exuberantly friendly, but I figured he’d at least throw me a warning bark if he sniffed out a car thief.) We watched from the third-floor balcony as police searched our neighbors’ yards.
In the end, they caught the bad guy hiding inside a garage a couple of doors down from ours.
The whole time the manhunt was going on, I was making notes and taking pictures, trying to preserve the finer details in my writer’s memory.
Maybe my excitement over the manhunt episode had nothing to do with being a writer–maybe it was just a sign that I need to get out more. I should take up some adrenaline-pumping sport, like sky-diving.
Or what if I tried, say, sky-diving from a police helicopter? That would be exciting.
Right. I definitely need to get out more.
What about you? Do you find yourself enjoying the random bits of excitement you encounter during your everyday life, just so you can “use” them as fodder for writing?
A page-turner? You decide.
Today, we have an untitled first page submission by another brave writer. I’ll get the ball rolling with a few comments after the page, but then I’d like you to put on your reader’s cap and give us your first gut reaction in the Comments. After reading this opening, would you turn to page two? Why, or why not?
***
He lay still in a prone firing position looking through the scope of his rifle with his finger curled around the trigger. In the center of the crosshairs he watched the sinister eyes of his target. Even from a distance of eight hundred yards Max thought the man appeared to be smug. He was responsible for the planning of a terrorist attack in the United States that claimed the lives of thirteen innocent children. He was basking in the glory he was receiving from his fellow tribesmen. To them he was a king, a God among mortal men. He had attacked the great Satan in the name of Allah and they were all rejoicing. The man looked around, smiling and waving to those around him. Without warning the man suddenly buckled at the knees and collapsed in a heap. There was no sound, other than him hitting the ground violently. Blood spewed three hundred and sixty degrees, splattering the crowd with blood and brain matter. Max couldn’t hear the screams of the crowd and didn’t take the time to see the fear on their faces. But he knew by the way they quickly scattered they were fearful and screaming. He wished the families of the thirteen victims could see what he was seeing. Perhaps it would bring some closure to some of them.
***
My comments:
Perhaps because terrorism is dominating the news this week, I was grabbed by this premise of taking revenge on an evil-doer. The writer opens the story with a promising action scene.
Suggestions:
* I was distracted by the juxtaposition by the use of “sinister” and “smug” to describe the terrorist’s eyes, as seen by Max. I would suggest revising to convey “sinister” in a more specific way. Something like “flat, cold eyes,” perhaps?
* I was distracted in places by the point of view, by the middle of the paragraph in particular. The sentences beginning with “He was responsible…”; “He was basking in the glory…”; “To them he was a king…”; and “He had attacked…” seemed written in an omniscient point of view. Then we switch to the terrorist’s point of view, as he turns and waves. The next sentences, which begin with “Without warning…”; and “There was no sound…” seem to be from the crowd’s point of view. It would just take a little tweaking to show all of this action taking place from Max’s perspective.
* Later in the page, there is a repetition of “screams and fear.”
* There was a disconnect to me between “Max…didn’t take the time to see the fear on their faces,” and “He wished the families of the thirteen victims could see what he was seeing.” Again, a little tweaking could strengthen this section.
Overall:
I think this page simply needs a bit of tweaking to address the issues I’ve mentioned. I would definitely turn to page two to see what happens next in this story. Thank you, Writer, for your submission!
What about you? Would you turn the page? Why or why not?
Writer Drops a Toad on Agent
It was the closing day of a writer’s event. At the end of a breakfast session, an agent and a writer were wrapping up a session about the ongoing changes in the publishing industry, and how those changes affect writers.
During the Q and A, most of the discussion addressed strategies for writers who were not yet published. I raised my hand.
“I’m wondering about writers who have already been published,” I said. “how do you think the changes in the industry are affecting our strategies going forward?”
The agent looked confused. “What do you mean?” she asked.
“Well,” I said, “Many mid-list writers I know are interested in developing a revenue sharing model with publishers rather than signing traditional contracts. Or going the indie publishing route.”
It was as if a toad had leaped from my mouth. “Indie publishing?” the agent asked me. “You mean, self-publishing?”
“Right, but not vanity publishing,” I said, beginning to sweat. “I’m talking about writers who want to keep a greater share of revenue than they have under their previous contracts with legacy publishers.”
“Legacy publishers?” Now the agent looked truly horrified. “That word sounds like something that guy Konrath would say.”
JA Konrath, in case you don’t know, is a pioneer in self-publishing who successfully transitioned from legacy–excuse me, traditional–publishing. He’s known for criticizing the practices of publishers in his popular blog, The Newbie’s Guide to Publishing.
At this point I was prepared to dive into my coffee cup and drown myself, but the agent was just getting started.
I don’t remember her exact words, but they were something to the effect of “agents don’t want to give up their advances.”
Well, granted. But what about writers? What is best for us?
I had unwittingly stepped into a raging discussion that’s been swirling in the media-publishing world for months. A bit of background: there’s something of a class system in the world of writing. The mega-bestselling writers are the darlings of publishers. The rest of us, not so much. Unless your first book is a monster success, you are more or less sent to the servant’s quarters. It used to be that publishers would give a writer time to develop and gain a strong readership base. That is less often the case today. Midlist writers are being dropped; contracts are not being renewed. Advances are shrinking.
Then there’s Amazon, which offers writers–any writer–a decent percentage of each and every sale. Published writers who have been able to reclaim their backlist have been startled to discover that they can make good money from “new old” titles which had been languishing on the vine for years. The prices for indie ebooks are being set by…gasp…the writers. This process, along with the rise of indie publishing in general, is driving down the overall cost of ebooks.
Publishers don’t like to lower their ebook prices, and they’re fighting back. Amazon and publishers have gotten into several scrapes over pricing and distribution. Most recently, the tension boiled over into the Hatchette vs. Amazon kerfuffle. You can read more about that here. But the subtext of the fight is that journeyman writers suddenly have more options for publishing and getting paid for their work. These changes are putting pressure on the traditional publishing model, on pricing in particular.
I don’t have any strong beliefs about the merits of traditional versus indie publishing. I suspect that most published writers will become “hybrids,” pursuing the best available options. I do think that it is still better for unpublished writers to get traditionally published first–going through the process helps a writer develop her skills, learn valuable ropes, and establish a readership. But for writers who have previously been published and languished under the old system, the picture is different. If a previous book did not sell well, we’re haunted by those sales numbers forevermore. If it did sell, the publisher will collect the lion’s share of the book’s revenues, forevermore.
At the breakfast meeting that day, the agent wound up her response to me by saying, “You’re too early in your career to give up on traditional publishing.”
In fact, I’m not in any way giving up on traditional publishing. As a published writer who will have a new manuscript to market in the near future, I’m simply trying to figure out the best strategy for me. Not the best strategy for the publisher. Not for Amazon. Not for an agent. If traditional publishing gives me a good deal on my next book, I’ll break out the champagne. If not? I’ll go indie. I don’t have any agenda attached to exploring all the possibilities. As they said in The Godfather, “It’s not personal. It’s business.”
The End of a Long, Hot Summer
Is it just me, or did this summer season seem especially dramatic? Ebola outbreak! Russia invades! Marches in the street! People trapped on a mountain surrounded by madmen! The world is burning up, and drowning at the same time!
To forget about all these real-life crises for a few hours, I’d like to find a great, end-of-summer read. What’s the best book you’ve read this year? I need something I can down in one big, escapist gulp of reading. Let me know in the comments. Thanks, and Happy September!
Reader Friday: Snippets, Please!
Reader Friday: What’s Your “Island Scene”?
A while back, Kris (PJ Parrish) wrote a great post in which she described writing as a process of creating “scene islands”, connected by “transition bridges”.
Think of the scene you’re currently working on. If you think of that scene as an island, what would you name that island? Story-wise, what important thing is happening in this scene?
Must our heroes be handsome?
This summer I attended an interesting workshop by a bestselling, Pulitzer Prize-winning author, who discussed his approach to crafting thrillers. It was his opinion that main characters need to be handsome (or beautiful, if female), intelligent, and successful. As he described his approach, “I write a main character that women want to sleep with, and men want to be. ” In other words, more James Bond than Monk. His reason for his writing main characters that way? “I like to write books that sell.”
It’s an interesting thought. I’d always assumed that a main character didn’t need to be particularly genetically or intellectually gifted. I always assumed that overcoming adversity was what made a hero appealing to readers. But when I think back about books I’ve particularly enjoyed–SILENCE OF THE LAMBS, THE HUNT FOR RED OCTOBER, COMA–I have to admit that those protagonists were handsome and brilliant. I just never thought of those characteristics as being requirements for popular appeal.
What do you think? Is physical beauty, in particular, central to creating an appealing main character?
This real-life plague seems lifted from Hollywood
I have to admit, I’ve gotten a little obsessed by the Ebola news this week.
Ever since I read THE HOT ZONE (I’m currently rereading it), I’ve been dreading the day when this scary virus would go airborne and wipe out a good chunk of the human race.
This disease has got everything going for it to play a starring role in the demise of mankind. It lurks in the jungle, but no one can find it! It putrefies skin and melts human flesh! It turns its victims into zombies!
I’m awestruck by the story of the brave health workers and missionaries who continue to risk their lives to save lives in West Africa. Then, when two of them fell victim to the disease, guess what? An experimental, secret serum suddenly becomes available, one that has never been tested on people before. It’s flown to Africa, defrosted, and injected. And guess what–the antiviral serum appears to be working! Next thing you know, a special air ambulance is whisking the stricken Americans to an isolation unit in Atlanta, where a dedicated team has been training for years to perform this type of care.
And what Hollywood script would be complete without a cameo appearance by Donald Trump, bleating a goat cry about how those heroic missionaries should not be allowed into the United States for treatment?
It’s spooling out like a real-life thriller. And it has put me in the mood to load up on some more of the same, only fictional ones. (One real-life plague is enough for 2014, thank you very much.)
So please help me start my list. What are your favorite medical thrillers of all time?
