It is the loose ends with which men hang themselves. — Zelda Fitzgerald.

By PJ Parrish

Another sleepless night. But – hazzah! – another idea for a Kill Zone post. Two nights ago, unable to stop the hamster wheel in my head, I took my pillow out to the sofa, hit the remote, and trolled for a good movie. Nothing except…

The last half hour of Spike Lee’s Do the Right Thing. Now I hadn’t seen the movie since it came out in 1989 and while I didn’t remember all the characters and plot points, I did remember that climax. And that is where I came in the other night, right when the tensions and heat in the Brooklyn neighborhood boiled over, leading Mookie to throw a trash can through the window of Sal’s pizza joint. All hell then breaks loose.

Spike Lee choreographs this climax with chilling precision. But what interested me was what came after. The next day, Mookie and Sal, standing in front of the smoldering ruins of the pizza joint, argue then reach a tepid reprochement. But Lee adds a coda of the local DJ (Samuel Jackson) greeting his listeners with the admonishment “Wake up! Up you wake, up you wake, up you wake! It’s gonna be another hot day.” Then before the credits roll, Lee gives us two quotes — from Martin Luther King Jr. on peaceful protest and Malcolm X on violence as self-defense.

That’s when I got up and jotted some notes for this blog. Because I think the ending of Do the Right Thing is a great departure point for a talk here about the dénouement.

De-noue-what?

You’ve probably heard this term bouncing about in craft books or maybe on conference panels. But I’m not sure we really know what it is or how we should use it in our books.
First, let’s learn how to say the sucker: It’s day-new-moh.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dXbsK7eHirk

It comes from the Old French word desnouer, “to untie” and the Latin word nodus for “knot”. It’s the part of the story that comes after you’ve built up your conflicts in a rising arc of tension and blown up your plot in a giant fireball of gun fights, car chases, lovers’ quarrels, dying zombies or melting Nazis (I also watched Raiders of the Lost Ark this week). The dénouement is what comes after the climax, wherein you the writer have to tie up those loose plot ends, slap on some salve, leach out the suspense and resolve things into a nice satisfying conclusion.

Or maybe not. But we’ll get back to Spike Lee in a second. For now, let’s stick with conventional dénouements.

Above is a slide from one of our workshops. We’re making the point here that a good plot is never a flat line or even a comet-shot straight upward. It is like that fever chart at the bottom — a series of triumphs and setbacks for your hero but its main thrust is always upward toward the climax. And that little downward line out to Z is just the denouement.

Think of the dénouement as a coda to the big movements that precede it. It is a tail on the plot beast, but still important because it is where things are explained (if necessary) and secrets revealed (sometimes). Shakespeare was big on dénouements: In Romeo and Juliet, after the lovers are dead, the Montagues and Capulets gather and Escalus lays a big guilt trip on them all telling them their feud is to blame. At the end of Hamlet, with the stage strewn with bodies, Horatio shows up to remind us that the voices of angels will carry Hamlet to his heavenly rest, meaning his story – and thus he – will live forever.

To use a metaphor: Your climax is well, like a climax. The dénouement is smoking the cigarettes afterward.

Maybe it’s useful to stop here and think about the THREE-ACT STRUCTURE. James and others here at TKZ talk about this a lot, so if you aren’t familiar with it, pick up James’s books on plot structure or go troll through our archives. Here’s the skinny over-simplified: The first act is your set-up wherein you introduce characters and their world, set up your plot, and define the main conflict that is the hero’s call to action. The second act is “rising action,” a series of events and setbacks that build up to the climax. The third act is the turning point and climax that requires the hero to draw on strengths, confront the antagonist and solve the problem at hand. Then we move into “resolution” where conflicts may be fixed, normalcy restored, and anxiety (for the reader) released.

The dénouement is a big deal in traditional detective stories. You will often get at the end of the story Holmes or Poiret laying out the clues and explaining how they figured things out.
One of my favorite detective dénouements is from Psycho. The climax has Norman, dressed up as Mother, trying to stab Lila in the creepy cellar. But what comes next is the scene in the courthouse where the psychiatrist explains what happened to Norman.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=abAsTTC9puk

It’s hokey, yeah, but we need to understand how Norman got so twisted. Likewise, you might need such a useful scene to help untangle the yarns of your plot at the end.

My sister Kelly and I are struggling with this notion right now with our WIP.  We’re at the climax wherein our hero confronts the bad guy and triumphs, of course. The bad guy has to die. But we realized that while we knew why our antagonist had rotted from within (and you need to know this!) we had no one in our cast of characters to explain it to the reader.  Yes, the hero can surmise things about the bad guy, and you need to sow the clues of personality throughout the story. But sometimes, in the end, someone — like the shrink in Psycho — has to give it context and history.  So we went back and inserted a new character early in the book — hidden in plain sight — who will, in a denouement, give testimony.

There’s a great example of dénouement in Arthur Miller’s Death of a Salesman. After the climatic fight between Biff and Willy and Willy’s suicide (to get insurance money) there is a final scene called “Requiem” where the family gathers at Willy’s funeral. Sadly, no one has come to pay their respects. Biff laments that Willy had “the wrong dreams.”  And Willy’s wife, who has been able to cry, breaks down, sobbing that the house is now paid for, repeating “We’re free…we’re free.”

Both Terminator movies have nice dénouements. In the first one, Sara Conner in her Jeep, guns and dog in tow, pulls into a last-stop desert gas station where a young boy points to the darkening sky and says “a storm is coming.” Sara’s last line before she heads off toward the apocalypse — “I know. I know.”  In the sequel, the dénouement is the “good” Terminator lowering himself into the fire pit to destroy his microchip and thus save the world.

Another of my favorites is from The Shawshank Redemption. After Andy Dufresne escapes from prison and disappears, the story is essential over and all is resolved. But no…we are treated to his friend Morgan Freeman’s touching narration about going free: “I hope the Pacific Ocean is as blue as it is in my dreams.”

We can debate this, but I think a denouement is different than an epilogue.  An epilogue is an animal unto its own world, a specific literary device that has a special purpose, often yoked with a prologue.  The denouement usually takes places immediately following the climax and resolution; an epilogue is usually separated by time — week, months or years later. Sometimes it hints at a sequel to come, or it serves as a commentary of sorts on what has happened. It might sum up what happened much later to the characters. Think of way George Lucas used this device in American Graffiti — as the credits rolled, he shows graduation pictures of each character and listed what happened to each i.e. “Curt Henderson is a writer living in Canada.”

A good denouement is subtle. What you don’t want to do is end up with an extended “Now I have to explain why I have to kill you” speech. This is not a true denouement; this is just a bad climax.  The skeins that you weave as you move through your story should come together in a logical and satisfying pattern.  And if you have some little loose threads that might poke out after that — well, that’s what the denouement is for.

But then there’s the big question: Do you have to untie every knot? Do you have to snip off every loose thread? No, of course not. I love ambiguity in endings. I don’t like anal books that clean up everything. And truth be told, I don’t really enjoy those classics mysteries where the detective gathers everyone in the dining car and lays it out there.  I want to figure some things out for myself. And I crave some messiness in my fiction.  Not all stories are neat; not all storytellers color within the lines.

Which brings me back to Spike Lee and his denouement for Do the Right Thing. It doesn’t tie up anything in a pretty bow.  In fact, Lee rejects the whole idea of traditional closure. Mookie and Sal are left in a wary face-off that personifies the unease of race relations in general in this country.  The mayor (Ossie Davis) tells Mookie to “do the right thing” but no one in this story really knows what that is, which is the only thing that is clear at the end.  So what can Spike Lee leave us with except the denouement he offers — two powerful and deeply conflicting quotes from King and Malcolm X.  And a final picture of them shaking hands?

Some knots just defy untying.

A lot of writers, especially crime writers, have an image that we think we’re trying to keep up with. You’ve got to be seen as dark and slightly dangerous. But I’ve realized that I don’t need to put that on. People will buy the books whether they see a photo of you dressed in black or not. — Ian Rankin

By PJ Parrish

I wish I had read that quote from Ian Rankin before I had my first author photograph done. It would have saved me a lot of embarrassment and the phone call I got from an old friend who I hadn’t seen in a couple years (call paraphrased here due to aging memory cells):

Him: “Are you…okay?”
Me: “Okay? What are you talking about?”
Him: “I saw your book in Barnes and Noble.”
Me: “Did you buy a copy? Tell me you bought a copy.”
Him: “I did. But it made me worried about you.”
Me: “Good lord, it’s not that bad, is it?”
Him: “I haven’t read it yet.”
Me: “But you’re worried…”
Him: “Yeah. You look so, so…angry.”
Me: “Angry? Why would I be angry? I finally got published!”
Him: “Or maybe you’re sad. I can’t really tell. What are you so depressed about? Did you get a divorce? I can give you the name of my shrink.”

That’s when it hit me. My friend had seen my author photograph on the back of my book. I knew the picture was bad. I knew it the moment the photographer sent back the contact sheet with all those mini-me’s scowling out at the world. But I was in denial and he was a pro who had taken many author photos, so I chose one and ordered the prints anyway. But I’ll let you be the judge. Here’s the photo:

It’s okay. You can say it. I look awful. I got my hair and makeup done, yes. And I wore my black leather jacket and my best frown because I was a woman writer in the hard-boiled world where the men who came before me and those who now crowded around me smoked Camels, drank scotch and wrote things like, “I won’t play the sap for you, angel.”

I wanted to look serious.  I ended up looking mean.

I’m not mean. Or sad or angry. Below left is my very first author, from 1984, way back when I was writing romance and family sagas. Who would you rather buy a book from? That hopeful wry writer in white at left or that crabby miscreant in black above?  What happened to me?

I’ll tell you what happened. I really thought, when I switched genres, I needed to look tough and distant, like I could chew glass. I didn’t realize that what I really needed to do was just be myself. Which is actually what I was doing when my photographer and I went out for beer and pizza at John’s in the Village and he captured this candid moment that became my official author photo.

What can you learn from my experience?  Lots, I hope. Because whether you are published or still trying to get there, this isn’t just about getting a good author photograph. It’s a lesson in being true to yourself.

If a picture is worth a thousand words, an author photo is worth oh, maybe a million? Readers buy books for myriad reasons. They heard from a friend that the book was good. They read the reviews on Amazon or Good Reads. A clerk in a bookstore recommended it. Or very often, they picked up the book, read the blurb, maybe the first page. And maybe they looked at the picture of the person who wrote the book. Now I’m not suggesting that the wrong author photo can make or break a sale.  I’m with Ian Rankin on this one, believing that if you continually produce good stories, looks don’t matter. But in this competitive market place, it’s not a bad idea to get a good author photo. Here’s why:

• You’ll need one for publicity purposes. Unless you’re a star at a large publishing house, you probably won’t get the photo done for you. But you will be expected to provide one for publicity and promotion. If you are self-publishing, you must have a website and that means you must have a good photo of yourself on it.
• It engages the reader in a sub-conscious way. The right photo can send a positive signal to a potential reader. First, that you are a professional. Second, that you are approachable i.e. the Consciousness behind the characters they will be spending the next couple weeks or months with.
• It establishes you as a recognizable “product.” I know this idea is repugnant to some folks, but the most successful authors make themselves sell-able with a consistent image. Think Mr. Peanut or Colonel Sanders. Think of this guy:
• 
• It conveys the tone of your work. This is important. We have talked often here at TKZ of the importance of tone consistency in your work. Many elements — cover art, type-faces, and of course the writing style itself — help readers grasp what kind of writer you are. Are you writing YA or adult? Are you hard-boiled or lighthearted? All of this needs to show in your own face in that author photo. But don’t make the mistake I did and put on a leather coat and a sneer, thinking that will help. It’s more subtle than that.

Here are some examples of conveying the right tone in author photos. Chris Grabenstein started out writing his adult Ceepak mysteries loosely set around a carnival theme but branched out to a children’s series. Below are his two author pics. Guess which one goes with which series:

And then there’s Nora Roberts aka J.D. Robb.  Nora has written more than 200 romances. But when she puts on her thriller cloak as J.D. Robb, she has a different look. Same woman, yes, with a definite brand. But with a subtle difference in the photos that appear on the back on her books:

I think it might be easier for guys in crime fiction to come up with a good pic. They just have to slap on a shirt, maybe a blazer and good jeans and lean up against a brick wall. (See below).

Women who write hard-boiled or more serious crime fiction have it a little harder, what with the make-up, hair, and the expectations of the genre. Where is the sweet spot for us between serious and…mean? I think these two found it:

Regardless of gender or sub-genre, getting the right photo isn’t easy, and there are plenty of bad ones out there, even when they are done by professionals guided by publishing house promotion staffs. My favorite blogger, Chuck Wendig, just ran his Awkward Author Photo contest Click here to go see the entries and the winner, but don’t get any bright ideas, okay?

There are also some pretty bad author photo cliches:

• Hand under the chin, at side of forehead or anywhere in vicinity of face. It worked for Oscar Wilde but now looks silly.
• Manual typewriter in the picture. Who are you kidding?
• Big shaggy dog to soften image or distract from author.
• Soft focus. You really want to look all Vasolined like Doris Day?
• Cigarettes. I think Ian Fleming was the last guy to pull this one off successfully but that didn’t stop photographer Szilvia Molnar from getting a great Twitter feed off the subject “The Man, The Writer, and his Cigarette.” 
• The vacant stare into space. Jack Kerouac did this a lot but maybe he was writing this line in his head: “I had nothing to offer anybody except my own confusion.”

Given my bad experience with author photos, I am probably the last person who should be giving you advice on what to do with your own. But I am going to give it a try, based on some research I did and some tips I got from some author friends. First off, there’s the big question: Hire a pro or do-it-yourself?

Hire a professional, if you can. Yeah, it can get expensive. And you don’t always get what you pay for (see my experience above). But you will get a basic level of quality and selection that you won’t get doing it yourself or having your brother take a pic of you with his iPhone. Ask fellow authors for recommendations. I ended up getting a photo done by my late great friend Barbara Parker, who when she wasn’t writing mysteries was a professional photog.

Take your own pic. Yes, it can be done but it’s a giant pain, and there’s a good chance the results will look amateurish. But if it’s all you can afford at first, so be it. Click here for  some good tips I found on line.

Get both black and white and color versions. Or make sure the quality is good enough that you can convert color to gray tone prints. VITAL: The original must be high-resolution. Let’s say you get a gig at a library and they need your mug. If that little image you put on your website can’t be downloaded and blown up for a flyer or poster, you’ve lost out. And if you ever meet my sister Kelly in a bar at a writer’s conference, don’t get her started on the topic of author photos. She does a lot of program books for conferences and has been sent blurry snapshots, high school portraits, and family group shots wherein she has to figure out which one is the writer. One guy just told her to photoshop out the family dog he was holding. This is how the guy appeared in the program book:

Portrait or environment? You can do a simple head and shoulders photo. But you might want to consider a second photo of you in some kind of environment that matches the tone or content of your book(s). And that don’t-do I mentioned about dogs? Well, if you write a series about a dog or maybe a cozy series that suggests a softer tone, including your pet can work for you, make you look accessible to your readers.

Here are two photos of my friend Reed Farrel Coleman. One is a portrait but the second reflects the New York setting of his books.

If you can’t afford a stylist, take along a friend who has a good eye. I am getting ready to put my condo on the market and I hired a professional photographer to come take photos for Zillow, Realtor.com and the MLS listing. He was amazing, right down to repositioning electrical cords and hiding my bath mats. Don’t do less for your own face. You don’t want a plastic plant growing out of your head, your tie askew or lipstick on your teeth. A good photographer should be helpful here but don’t count on it.

Be careful what you wear. Stay away from prints and fussy clothes. Keep your look simple so readers notice your face, not your fashion choices. I don’t care that Dan Brown has sold a zillion books. Someone should have told him dad jeans are ugly.

Don’t over-photoshop. Yes, you can retouch some because even if you look like her, you don’t want to come off like Norma Desmond. But you’re not a super-model so don’t over-do it with erasing wrinkles and taking out that double-chin. You’re trying to sell books not link up on Match.com.

Don’t wear weird jewelry or any variation on lingerie. When Anne Rice was starting out, she was often photographed looking like a cross between Stevie Nicks and Morticia. Now she has this elegant-mystery vibe going in her pics, with black tops, one great necklace, and a smart bob. And even if you write romance, keep the pink and pearls under control until you have published 722 novels like the woman pictured below did. Then, like George R.R. Martin, you can wear whatever you want.

Consider getting a third horizontal format photograph that includes some negative space. Position yourself to one side and leave the rest blank. This negative space can then be used by you or a designer in your website header. You can insert type easily into the photograph. I love this photo below of Walter Mosley, not just because it conveys his personality but also for its negative space. And yes, he’s staring off into space but I don’t care.

And speaking of personality…how much is good and how much is over the top? It depends on you as an author, how good your photographer is, what kind of books you write, and what mood you want to present to the world.  Sometimes, going against what is expected can work wonders. When Kareem Abdul Jabbar began writing books, he didn’t do the standard author head and shoulders VERTICAL shot. Look at this gorgeous horizontal photograph. Look at those hands.

Speaking of hands, I love this photograph below by romance writer Maya Rodale. It’s glamorous and sexy, probably like her books. But notice those wire rim glasses she’s holding…what a nice touch!

And then there is this author photo…

That’s YA author Maggie Steifvater who has some stunning photos on her website. Click here to see more. But oddly, she doesn’t have one photo of herself that you can download, so if someone needs a publicity picture, they have to hit the internet and search for one. Rule No. 2 about author photos: Never make someone who is selling your book work harder than they have to.

So, that’s it. I know, I know…you don’t want to think about this. You have too much on your author plate already and you don’t like having your picture taken anyway. Well, it goes with the turf. You don’t have to get a Annie Liebovitz-quality portrait when you’re just starting out. Just get a good, clear, high-resolution head shot that tells the reader what kind of person you are and what kind of books you write. The rest is gravy.

I will leave you with two final images that should give you hope.

If this guy’s author photo went from this:

To this…

Well, maybe yours can, too.

_________________________________________

P.S. Chuck Wendig just posted the winners of his bad author photo contest. Click here to see them but don’t have a mouthful of coffee when you do.

Photo from Game of Thrones

By PJ Parrish

Top of the morning to you all.  I’m prepping to get out of town for turkey day up in Michigan so I am offering up a submission from one of our fellow writers. It’s titled The Dragon Within. Many thanks to our writer-submitter for letting us use his/her story for our learning purposes here. My comments follow, but please weigh in, fellow TKZers, with your input.

The Dragon Within

“Are there dragons in the elven lands?” Matthew whispered, his gaze lingering on the wooden boat carrying their mother’s body towards Illethia.

Shael ignored their eldest brother’s derisive snort. With the tip of her thumb, she wiped a tear off Matthew’s cheek. “I don’t know,” she said. “But Mum’s in the arms of Zy’el now, and He’ll protect her.”

Shael glanced at the tiny group of neighbours and friends who had accompanied them to the beach to bid Joella farewell. She knew each one well, had known them since she was a child, but life had taught her the worse dragons were those posing as friends. She squeezed Matthew’s hand and drew him closer. He was only ten. With Mum’s passing, she had to be both sister and mother to him. And she had to keep him safe.

The boat with the eye of Zy’el painted on its bow, drifted towards the elven lands. Ripples expanded from the vessel and broke up on the sand by Shael’s feet.

The waves did not bring Mum back.

Why had Mum insisted on a traditional sea burial and wanted her remains sent towards Illethia, towards the land of the enemy? The brooding outline of Illethia, a mass of darkness against the early morning orange-grey horizon, was a constant reminder of what had been and what could return to threaten the Inner Lands. Mum’s choice of funeral was bound to give rise to talk. Talk led to questions. Mum had known more than anyone what the elven had done to their family. To Shael. She knew that mere suspicion could get the whole family executed.

Yet Mum had secretly continued to love and respect them, even after it became a crime punishable by death. If only Mum had told her more about the elven. It was too late to ask now. Not that she ever answered Shael’s questions about them.

Shael raised her hand to her headscarf. The wind was picking up, but practice had taught her the best way to tie the scarf tight around her head. The scarf was in place and their secret safe. For now.

_________________________________________

First, a qualifier from me: I am guessing this story falls into the fantasy realm, given the “dragon” reference and what might be a nod to Tolkien’s “Elven lands.”  Full disclosure, this genre is not my main cup of tea. But that shouldn’t matter. A good story is a good story is a good story.  So let’s see if it works on that basis.

I like that the writer opened with a dramatic moment — a funeral that places our protagonist (I assume Shael is such) at the brink of a life-changing conjuncture. We get the sense that Shael is facing two challenges: the new responsibility of raising her young brother and that her mother, for unknown reasons, has left her in a fix by conspiring with the enemy elven. (at least I think that’s what’s going on here…more on that in a moment.)

I also like that the writer is using “dragons” on two levels.  Dragons are a real threat in the mind of the boy (he asks, do they even exist?). Dragons are also a metaphoric threat to Shael, who sees her neighbors as dangerous if they learn the truth about Mum. And there is even a richer, possible third meaning to “dragon.” More on that later..

But all of this is a bit cloudy in the telling. I am not totally certain of what is going on in this critical opening scene and I need to be.  The narrative tells me this:

Why had Mum insisted on a traditional sea burial and wanted her remains sent towards Illethia, towards the land of the enemy? The brooding outline of Illethia, a mass of darkness against the early morning orange-grey horizon, was a constant reminder of what had been and what could return to threaten the Inner Lands. Mum’s choice of funeral was bound to give rise to talk. Talk led to questions. Mum had known more than anyone what the elven had done to their family. To Shael. She knew that mere suspicion could get the whole family executed.

Yet Mum had secretly continued to love and respect them, even after it became a crime punishable by death. If only Mum had told her more about the elven. It was too late to ask now. Not that she ever answered Shael’s questions about them.

I am left to guess that this “viking” burial at sea is not usual, especially since the boat is apparently being cast off toward the enemy land across the bay. Why would Mum want this when apparently it was a betrayal of some kind since the elven had harmed Shael and the family at one time.  And Mum had apparently “secretly” loved the elven, even though it was a crime. This is all fine and good for establishing a sense of intrigue and potential conflict but I wish the writer wouldn’t be so obtuse in the telling.  We need a little more context and less confusion here.  Maybe this is just because I am not “versed” in fantasy, but don’t we need to know what the elven are? Is this a tribe? A different race? An adjective for elf? If the last one, are Shael and her ilk human? Those of you who are big fantasy readers out there please comment and let me know if I am just being dense here.

Another point: When you are creating an un-real world (heck even a real one!) you have to give us the context of setting. Outside of one image of what Illethia looks like across the water, I don’t know where the heck I am — or what era we are in. What does this place look like? What are the people wearing (one head scarf reference, that for a moment, sent me careening into the mid-east). Please don’t neglect your setting.  I call this the coma-victim-syndrome: Where am I? Who are these strange people? What year it is? Who am I? Which begs the important point…

I need a few more hints about our protagonist. How old is she? Can you drop some clues in that give us a picture? Also, we could use some more emotion from her. I don’t get a sense of what kind of person she is.

Before I go into my line edits, one last word on names. What you call your characters is so very important, as proper names help ground the reader in the world you are creating. If this protag were named Jackie Gilmore, well, we know we’re not in Elven land. So this writer, by choosing the odd names, signposts that we are in fantasy-land. That’s good! But I got hung up on the fact that both Matthew and Shael are Hebrew names. And “Mum” is straight out of England’s Cotwolds. Then we get the land names: Zy’el, which sort of sounds Hebrew or maybe sci-fi, and Illethia, which is also the name of a video game warlord.  Here’s my take on this: When you are conjuring up un-real worlds, when you are working in sci-fi or fantasy, you must be doubly cautious about your naming. You need to have a consistency in tone that acts as a bridge for the reader when he ventures from the real world to your un-real one.  These names sound a bit too magpie-picked to me.

Let’s go to the line edits…

“Are there dragons in the elven lands?” Matthew whispered, his gaze lingering on the wooden boat carrying their mother’s body towards Illethia. Yes, you can open your story with a quote and this one is pretty darn good — there be dragons! — because it works on several levels. But I think it is diluted in its impact by attaching that phrase afterward and by using the confusing elven reference too soon.  How about this:

“Are there dragons out there?”

Shael looked down to the source of the tiny voice, down to her brother Matthew standing at her side. He wasn’t looking at her. He was watching the small wooden boat drift away from shore, the boat that held the body of their mother.

She reached down and wiped a tear off Matthew’s cheek. “I don’t know,” she said. “But mother’s in the arms of Zy’el now. He will protect her.”

But even as she said it, Shael feared it wasn’t true. Through the orange-gray morning mist, she could just make out the brooding outline of Illethia across the bay. The boat bearing her mother’s body was heading toward the land of their enemies. And that was the way their mother had planned. It had been her last wish.

I think a down-and-dirty summary of the central conflict needs to be stated quickly and up high. Then you can move on and flesh in some details. Moving on…

Shael ignored their eldest brother’s derisive snort. I find the insertion of this other brother intrusive in the nice moment between Shael and Matt. Bring him in later. With the tip of her thumb, she wiped a tear off Matthew’s cheek. “I don’t know,” she said. “But Mum’s in the arms of Zy’el now, and He’ll protect her.”

Shael glanced at the tiny group of neighbours and friends who had accompanied them to the beach to bid Joella farewell. She knew each one well, had known them since she was a child, but this line about neighors being dragons it important. Set it off in its own sentence! She had known them since she was a child. But life had taught her that the real dragons were those posing as friends. life had taught her the worse dragons were those posing as friends. She squeezed Matthew’s hand and drew him closer. He was only ten. With Mum’s passing, she had to be both sister and mother to him. And she had to keep him safe.

The boat with the eye of Zy’el painted on its bow, drifted towards the elven lands. Ripples expanded from the vessel and broke up on the sand by Shael’s feet. Here’s a place to drop in a hint about setting and culture: Is she wearing sandals, fur winter boots, barefoot?  The waves did not bring Mum back. Nice ripple image above but what does this line mean? Of course they can’t. Turn it around maybe, and say, the waves were pushing mother ever farther away?  And maybe that can work as a segue to Shael’s next thought — that maybe something else, an even stronger force, had been pushing her mother away long before now? Pushing her away from even Shael? Make your imagery mean something!

And we really need something to break up the backstory it’s-all-in-her-head narrative section that comes next. Show me this, don’t tell me. How about having one of people in the crowd come up and say something to Shael about this odd funeral? That could more gracefully illicit her thoughts. How about…

An old man came up to stand next to them. Matthew backed away but Shael held her ground. 

“Why did she do this?” the old man muttered.

Shael tensed. There was no way he could know what mother had done, how she had really loved the Elven. But the anger in the old man’s eyes was real.

“Why did your mother insist on this old sea burial?” the old man pressed.

Then go into Shael thoughts about it.  Find a way to break up the backstory. And slowly build the tension in it. Maybe she gives a vague answer to the old man and then she can try to analyze this situation in her head. Mother knew this ritual funeral would make people talk. People had always been suspicious of her anyway. And maybe hint that Shael herself might harbor some suspicions about her dead mother like, why would she do this, why would she love the enemy, even after what it did to our family. Even after what it did to ME.  Again, by setting that ME on its own, you give Shael’s personal conflict weight.  You must make the story be about your protag’s journey, whether it is back to Illethia to fight the enemy, or find out the truth about her mother. WHAT DOES SHAEL WANT? At a superficial level, to protect her family. But what about the deeper levels — why did mother betray me and love the enemy that hurt me? 

Why had Mum insisted on a traditional sea burial and wanted her remains sent towards Illethia, towards the land of the enemy? The brooding outline of Illethia, a mass of darkness against the early morning orange-grey horizon, Lovely image here but what is lacking? We have no sense of what our surroundings look like. Are we in a fjord? English countryside? It is summer? How about the people dressed? We have no sense of setting at all here, alas, and I sense this is an interesting place geographically. was a constant reminder of what had been and what could return to threaten the Inner Lands. Is this the name of her country? Mum’s choice of funeral was bound to give rise to talk. Talk led to questions. Do more with this? Questions about the past? Mum had known more than anyone what the elven had done to their family. To Shael. She knew that mere suspicion could get the whole family executed.  This is very important and you need to set this apart so we understand it.  In newspaper talk, this is called burying your lead. When you are listing a litany of ills like this, put your most important one, the one that impacts your protag most, LAST.  Try this…

The people in the town, the people Shael had known all her life, they had only suspicions about what had happened. But Mother knew. She knew what the elven had done. She knew what the elven had done to their family.

Shael looked out at the water, to the boat that was now just a small dark smudge in the mist.

Mother knew what they did to me.  

Yet Mum had secretly continued to love and respect the Elven, even after it became a crime punishable by death. If only Mum had told her more about the elven. It was too late to ask now. Not that she ever answered Shael’s questions about them. Again, you are being a tad too obtuse about this central important conflict between mother and daughter. Ask yourself: What is my story about?  I suspect, at its heart, it is about family secrets and how a daughter comes to grips with something bad her mother did. Great stuff!

Shael raised her hand to her headscarf. The wind was picking up, but practice had taught her the best way to tie the scarf tight around her head. The scarf was in place and their secret safe. For now.  I’m not sure what this means. The simple act of tying a scarf tight keeps a lid on things? The metaphor is a bit too spot-on.  Find a way to SHOW me this thought, rather than tell me.  Maybe it works better if the scarf flies away? And maybe that draws a reaction from the old man or crowd?  Make things happen in your narrative that illuminate the interior actions (thoughts and backstory). 

Well, that’s it. In summary, brave writer, I like where you are going with this. I love that you open with a funeral that sets up the conflict. But I sense that you might not yet know your protagonist well enough YET to articulate what she wants, what her essential inner struggle and journey will be.  As James always asks, what will be her “woman in the mirror” moment deep in your book? What will she face that will change her in some fundamental way? What is your story about? It’s not about war between Illethia and the Inner Lands. It’s not even about a young woman protecting her family. It’s about something deep inside the woman herself.  Find that truth and you will find your story’s heart. It’s never about the action; it is about character. It is always about the DRAGON WITHIN.

Thanks for submitting and keep moving onward!

Writing without revising is the literary equivalent of waltzing gaily out of the house in your underwear. — Patricia Fuller 

By PJ Parrish

Copy editors, bless ‘em. Good ones are hard to find and hard ones are even better to find.

Over the course of thirteen books, numerous short stories, magazine articles, and a 25-year stint in newspapers, I’ve had my share of copy editors — good, bad and indifferent. I was even one myself for a brief time, until I realized I was better at seeing the forest instead of the trees, so gave that up for becoming a dance critic.  But I have a deep and abiding respect for great copy editors. They have saved my bacon on more than one occasion.

When we signed with Thomas and Mercer for our most recent book, I was wary. Was the quality of editing for this Amazon imprint going to be as a good as we were used to from the “traditional” New York houses?  Turns out it was better…four, count ’em four…different copy editors went over our manuscript and each brought a special talent to the project and improved our book. One fellow had lived most his life in San Francisco so he was able to double-check all our locations and landmarks there. Another woman had once been a dancer so she honed in on every detail of our heroine’s arts background.

Working with them made me remember one of my first copy editors, who was so good that I still remember with fondness — Wendy the Word Wonk.  Her name really was Wendy. I tacked on the rest out of deepest respect for her talents because I really love folks who really love words.

But before I tell you about Wendy, let’s back up a moment. Here is one major truism I have learned about publishing: When you write a book, you have only five chances to not end up looking like the world’s biggest fool:

1. Write the best book you can.
2. Rewrite that book how ever many times it takes to cleanse it of all the cretinous prose, dumb mistakes and smelly cheese.
3. Have a great line editor who makes you go back and de-cheese it some more. Even if you have to hire one yourself. Especially if you have to hire one yourself.
4. Luck into getting a great copy editor, who has your back. Or again, hire one.
5. And finally, read your galleys carefully.  And if you are self-publishing, I’d even go so far as to print out your final manuscript justified and formatted to look like a real book, then treat it like a galley and find your mistakes. There is something about looking at your book in this final form that makes the sly mistakes and typos jump out in high relief.

Obviously, no. 1 is most important. For all practical purposes, your only real last best chance is No. 4. The copy editor. She is the last gas station on Highway 95 between Las Vegas and Searchlight. He is the last butt in the car ashtray after you’ve just gotten off a four-hour flight. She is the one who tells you your skirt is caught in your pantyhose when you walk out of the bathroom. He is the one who tells you when to zip your fly or button your mouth.

When you get to the galley stage, it is too late. The copy editor is all that stands between you and the abyss of hackdom and reviewers on Amazon who cackle that you don’t know the difference between “its” and “it’s.”

So, back to Wendy the Word Wonk and her unheralded ilk (I think that’s the right word…where’s Wendy when I need her?)

Wendy corrected our lays and lies without being smug. Because she is a fellow Michigander, she knew the difference between Mackinaw and Mackinac. She respected our idiomatic dialogue. She double-checked our use of foreign languages without being snide. (When I was writing romance, I had a British editor who scribbled in the margin of my manuscript: “Considering this author’s lack of command in English, I don’t think we should trust her French.”)

Not only did Wendy help us keep our dates, ages and eye colors straight, she raised a couple plot questions we hadn’t thought much about, which technically wasn’t her job, but that of the line editor. Once we did think about her polite but pointed questions, we went back in for a final critical rewrite that made the plot stronger.

But copy editors being the eccentric souls they are, Wendy did bring up some questions that we — or any other writers in their wildest dreams — would never expect to encounter. Like…

Is underwear plural or singular?

Here is the paragraph from our book as we wrote it:

Last night, she had washed out her underwear in her room and put them on the heating unit to dry, but they had fallen off during the night and were still wet.

This was her suggested version:

Last night, she had washed out her underwear in her room and put it on the heating unit to dry, but it had fallen off during the night and was still wet.

This set us thinking…

In almost every Thesaurus reference to underwear, there is an ‘S’ added to the word — shorts, long johns, panties, drawers, bikinis, undies, woolies, bloomers, flannels, thermals, skivvies, boxers. Despite the fact the clothing in question is, indeed, a single piece of fabric.

Is it because panties have two holes for two extremities that we perceive it to be plural?

“She picked up her panties and put them on.”
“He took off his boxers and tossed them to the bed.”

This sounds right to us because this is how people think. But that leads us to an even more perplexing question: How come a bra, another single-piece item, which also holds two separate body parts, becomes an IT when we think of it in every day usage? Or what about a jock strap, which is similar but, technically speaking, holds three body parts?

“She took her bra off and laid them on the bed.”
“He took off his jockstrap and flung them into the corner.”

Whoa, what kind of image does that put in a reader’s head?

Now our particular problem maybe have come from Wendy’s perception that our character had washed both pieces of her underwear, not just her panties. And referring to a set as IT may have been more appropriate, even though we still prefer THEM.

In the end, that’s what we opted for and Wendy let us win that battle. But here at the Kill Zone, we are here to serve your writing needs. And since we writers do love our rules, we leave you with this:

The Crime Writer’s Rules About Underwear

1. Clothing with two sleeves or arm holes are an It.
2. Clothing meant to hold two pieces of the anatomy are an It.
3. Clothing designed for three (or more appendages) are an It.
4. Clothing with two legs or leg holes are a Them.

Except, of course, for a girdle, which is an It. We think. But that’s only a problem for you historical writers out there, thank goodness.

For your consideration…we have a new First-Page submission from one of our writers. Thanks, dear writer, for taking part in our TKZ critiques. We all learn from this! My general comments will follow and then I will revert to red because this works best for me when I can treat it like I do the pages from my critique group pals (we use Track Changes.) — PJ Parrish

Caribbean nights

One block away from the ‘suggested’ tourist area and the town of Falmouth, Jamaica reverted to its true form. Decades old cars, competing with bikes and pedestrians filled the streets. Half naked children darted about. Old women hung out of windows from upstairs apartments. Rail thin girls with tight fitting shorts looked for the next patron in need of human companionship by the hour. Young men with hungry eyes and menacing faces clustered on corners. The sun burned bright in the Caribbean sky yet there was no joy to be found here. It was for no small reason tourists were reminded to stay with their group.

Jordan Noble walked down the broken pavement of the hilly street. His eyes constantly moving – ‘head on a swivel’. It was a poor neighborhood and he dressed as accordingly as he could. His Tag Heuer stayed in his stateroom. In its place, an eleven-year-old G-Shock. He wore a white ‘wife beater’ and dark green shorts. Nothing could be done about the Maui Jim sunglasses – if they attracted attention, he would just have to deal with it.

At a corner he stopped to orientate himself. One corner was a market of sorts. Opposite it, a bar, long boarded up and closed. Yes, this was the place. He turned at the bar and went down an alley. Immediately, in the shade of the buildings, the temperature dropped at least twenty degrees. He had just made it to the middle, when two young men appeared at the opposite end. One was shirtless, all lanky and wiry. His companion wore track pants and a Bob Marley T-shirt. Shirtless stepped into the alley. His eyes were wide – the whites completely surrounded the coal black pupils.

“Hey there, mon,” he said. “You looking lost.”

Jordan didn’t break stride. “I’m good. Thanks.”

Shirtless looked back to Bob Marley then to Jordan. “Hey, no problem, mon. No problem, mon. Still, sometime we lose our way, ya know. It happens, ya see.” Bob Marley walked a step or two to the right. Between him and Shirtless the exit was blocked. Jordan came to a stop and sized them up. If they had just jumped him, it may have been a fight. But now, their body language suggested no formal combat training or, for that matter, general good health. They were counting on their superior numbers to put the fight in their favor.

—————————————————

Let’s start with some general reaction and comments. Things I like about this: There is no confusion about where we are in the world and who is the center of attention ie the assumed protag Jordan Noble. (given that name, how can we NOT think he’s the hero?). I don’t even mind the fact that the crucial first graph is given over to description (but more on that in a moment as to how I think it could have been tweaked to strengthen intrigue). The physical movements of the characters are clear and concise. I only mention all this because one of my pet peeves on our First Page submissions is plain old confusion over who, what, and where things are going. But this writer is moving through the narrative with efficiency, signaling that we are watching a guy we should assume is the hero en route to something bad. (he seems vaguely wary about something…more on that later).

Here is where I think things could have been better: First, this is sort of a cliche opening in thrillers — I ASSUME Noble, being noble, is some kind of good-guy operative (CIA, lone wolf, PI, James Bond) walking toward a situation. But I’ve read this opening a thousand times. How do you think an editor or agent is going to feel? There isn’t much fresh here — including the style, which feels a little dated — and that is a problem in today’s mystery/thriller marketplace. In the “old days” when you only had a handful of writers competing for shelf space and the hero-world wasn’t overpopulated, this might have worked. But not now. The stakes are so much higher. Your protag can’t be prosaic. You have to write something unique or write it uniquely.

Also, while there is a sense of something impending, it is very vague and isn’t very interesting. A guy (unarmed and with no defined mission) is walking through a maybe-dicey neighborhood and comes upon two men whom he sizes up as rag-tag. The only threat he apparently feels is losing his expensive watch because he decided to leave it back on a boat. The men don’t even really confront him. Except for a dilated pupil or two, they come across as harmless. They could be sizing him up to ask if he’s looking to buy some Ganja. He used a vape, but he doubt they had any vape carts to help him out.

Now let’s get specific. About the opening graph: At first, I didn’t mind that it opened with pure description. But the more I re-read it, I realized I was wrong. If you open with description, it has to be dazzling and somehow enhance the story’s tone. This first graph is too Frommer’s travel guide and generic. (naked kids, old cars, prostitutes). I don’t feel this, or smell it, or even really see it. Worn phrases like “men with hungry eyes and menacing faces” are not yours to use; others got first decades ago. (see pulp detective mags from the ’40s).

Now let’s look closely at the opening:

One block away from the ‘suggested’ tourist area and the town of Falmouth, Jamaica reverted to its true form. (Not sure what this all means. Falmouth is a nice tourist town with cruise ships etc. So do you mean if you step one block outside the city limit? And what does “true form” mean? Slums?) Decades-old cars, competing with bikes and pedestrians filled the streets. Half naked children darted about. Be specific and use all the senses when you describe. How about something like: A rusty Buick Rendezvous crawled through the maze of brown kids on bikes and thin women balancing baskets on their heads. Above, old women perched like crows on the railings watching the painted girls in tight shorts prey on white men in Bermudas and ball caps. That’s not great but it’s specific. Old women hung out of windows from upstairs apartments. Rail thin girls with tight fitting shorts looked for the next patron in need of human companionship by the hour. Young men with hungry eyes and menacing faces clustered on corners. I would lose this because you say it with real action coming up. The sun burned bright in the Caribbean sky yet there was no joy to be found here.It was for no small reason tourists were reminded to stay with their group. That last line: You already said this and it’s sort of stating the obvious. Don’t TELL us SHOW us.

Now let’s look at your second to the last line above, because I think it’s a lost opportunity. The sun burned bright in the Caribbean sky yet there was no joy to be found here. First off, it’s a good technique to end your opening graph with a great kicker. The writer ALMOST had it! The writer was working toward a metaphor that although everything is sunny and bright, darkness is just around the corner. But this is, again, a little cliched. And I don’t think “joy” is the right word here at all. If you are going to go for the “weather-sun” metaphor, the light-vs-dark metaphor, you better make it sing. And yes, the sun IS different in the tropics — it comes at you harsh and more direct the closer you go to the equator, quite unlike the sun in say, Paris, which makes everything pinkish and pearly. In Jamaica, there is no room for soft shadows.

The sun burned white-hot in this place, so fierce and direct overhead that the shadows were cut deeper and darker, with no room in between to hide.

That’s the best I could come up with on short notice but you see my point? Make the metaphor (or weather if you use it) STAND for something. Maybe the hard light in the tropics stands for the mission of this white-hat hero? Or does it stand for the black-and-white morality of a Sam Spade anti-hero? It’s not just weather…

I would suggest you re-order your opening two graphs. Maybe give us one really great zinger line about the light-vs-dark. Then go right to “Jordan Noble walked out of the sun and into the shadows of whatever street…” Then give us a juicy graph of what HE is seeing (and smelling?) as he walks. Or start right out with his name: Jordan Noble walked out of the sun into the shadows. This way you are shifting the point of view from you the writer (mediocre telling) to him the hero (great showing. yay!). And this is important — put us in his head, not yours, and show us this neighborhood from HIS consciousness. It would begin the process of the reader bonding with him. By introducing him by name and THEN going into a description of this scene from his perspective, you are accomplishing two things at once: establishing your setting and letting the reader get to know your hero. Where, for instance, does he live or work before this? Is he a man of experience and world-travel? Is this is first trip to the tropics after living in Montreal all his life? The only thing you tell us about his man is that he apparently has expensive taste. That’s not enough. We don’t need his life resume here, but don’t miss small chances to weave in tidbits of backstory about your characters. Noble would see this scene in Jamaica and thus describe it for the reader through THAT prism of experience.

Let’s move on down these mean streets…

Jordan Noble good! We get his name. walked down the broken pavement of the hilly street. What street? C’mon, you can find one on Google Streetview!. His eyes constantly moving – ‘head on a swivel’. Why is this a fragment? And why in quotes? It was a poor neighborhood your description should SHOW me this; you shouldn’t TELL me and he dressed as accordingly as he could. Not sure I know what you mean by this? That he tried to dress to blend in? His Tag Heuer stayed in his stateroom. I tripped over this and had to do a Google to figure this out. I thought at first you were talking about guns, then realized it is merely a watch! Must say I was a tad disappointed because I thought the guy was packing heat which at least made him more interesting. In its place, an eleven-year-old G-Shock. He wore a white ‘wife beater’ I find this off-putting. Can’t we just call it tank-top? and dark green shorts. Nothing could be done about the Maui Jim sunglasses I don’t get this: couldn’t he just have left them back on the boat with the watch? Now if you want to use it to say something about your hero, that’s cool…ie, he could ditch the watch but he wasn’t about to give up his Maui Jim sunglasses, even for this job – if they attracted attention, he would just have to deal with it.

At a corner he stopped to orientate himself. One corner was a market of sorts (sorts? what sort?). Opposite it, a bar, long boarded up and closed. Yes, this was the place. Okay, this is the FIRST HINT of intrigue. And it’s not enough. He could be looking for a hamburger given the nonchalance here. We have to turn up the heat a little here. Give me a reason to care about what is going on. Hint about the mission; why is he here? You don’t have to spill it all and you shouldn’t. But we have to be teased. He turned at the bar and went down an alley. Immediately, in the shade of the buildings, the temperature dropped at least twenty degree. There’s that sun/weather metaphor again but nothing is done with it. He had just made it to the middle, when two young men appeared at the opposite end. One was shirtless, all lanky and wiry. His companion is he chubby by contrast since you mentioned the other’s stature? wore track pants and a Bob Marley T-shirt. Shirtless This is also something of a cliche in crime fiction, differentiating nameless characters via descriptive shorthand. stepped into the alley. His eyes were wide – the whites completely surrounded the coal black pupils. You have him moving on toward the men so he can’t possibly see the pupils yet.

“Hey there, mon,” he said. “You looking lost.”

Jordan didn’t break stride. “I’m good. Thanks.”

Shirtless looked back to Bob Marley then to Jordan. “Hey, no problem, mon. No problem, mon. Still, sometime we lose our way, ya know. It happens, ya see.” Need new graph here. Bob Marley walked a step or two to the right. Between him and Shirtless the exit was blocked. Jordan came to a stop and sized them up. how close is Noble now? Now is the the time for the line about the eyes and now they might be pin-balling nervously around. Plus you really need to make these dudes threatening. If they had just jumped him, it may have been a fight. But now, their body language suggested no formal combat training or, for that matter, general good health. They were counting on their superior numbers to put the fight in their favor.

Okay, back to my comments again:

Again, nothing is really happening here and I get no sense of danger from Shirtless and Marley. And you haven’t taken us at all into Jordan’s thoughts as to why he should be fearful. Maybe if we knew something about why Jordan is here and what is going to happen when he gets to “the place,” we might feel involved and interested. As I mentioned in the red comments, I thought he was at least carrying a gun but even that isn’t true. Why do I care about this man? He seems like just a tourist who has lost his way.

In conclusion: This isn’t a bad opening. It is clear and capable. But Jordan feels like a cardboard hero at this point because we get no sense of him as a man and no hint at what his mission is or what the stakes might become. As I said, in today’s market, this isn’t enough.

Suggestions:

• Rework that crucial opening graph so it’s less a travelogue and a give us a reason to read on. We need at least a hint of tension, intrigue or danger.
• Get more specific in your descriptions.
• Get inside Jordan’s head. We want to see this scene from his point of view, not yours.
• At least hint at what this guy is doing here and what the stakes are. Something has to happen. Something must be disturbed.

Thanks brave writer! I’ve been maybe a little hard on you not because this is bad but because it is good and shows some real promise. This is a good start…just needs some spice. Hope this is helpful.

“Freedom is what you do with what’s been done to you.” ― Jean-Paul Sartre

By PJ Parrish

I apologize ahead of time for being crabby today. Had two encounters with unpublished writers this month. This is kind of like a Yeti sighting but in some ways more terrifying. Because you never know if they’re going to turn on you.

I like helping folks get their manuscripts and careers off the ground. Maybe it’s partly because I set out in life to be a teacher but way back in 1972 when I got out of college, I couldn’t find a job. But mostly, it’s because I was an unpublished author once, rejected by every publisher in New York (yes, every single one) before someone took a chance on me. (Thank you John Scognamiglio at Kensington books). I know the heartbreak. I know how hard and utterly confusing this all is. But I also know — learned this through a couple decades experience publishing books now — how important having the right attitude is. In fact, attitude might be more important than talent in this game. So when I meet an unpublished writer with a bad attitude, I have learned not to waste my time or breath trying to help. Well, actually, this isn’t true.  I still haven’t really learned my lesson because it’s hard to know what kind of attitude you’re dealing with until you get knee-deep in their weeds and, as Jean-Paul says above, you don’t always know what’s been done to a person and how that will manifest itself in their attitude.

Back to the two writers. I had known both of them for a while and had even worked in the newspaper business with one for years (Shoot, he had even been my boss briefly).  I offered ahead of time to read the first 30 pages of their works in progress and give them my feedback. One lived nearby so we met for coffee. The second had moved away up to Pennsylvania but I told him we could talk via emails. Here’s the thing: I pretty much knew before I read their manuscripts which one was going to get published and which one wasn’t.  See if you can:

Unpublished writer A:

Wrote eight books.
Tried writing both romance and mysteries.
Has had all eight books rejected by editors.
Just finished a ninth book.
Queried 12 agents and got one to take her on.
Agent-submitted ninth book was rejected by five New York editors who all said book had promise but was too slow and lacked suspense.
Is still working on Book 9 trying to fix pacing problems.
Is reading books on how to write suspense.
Attended Killer Nashville over summer.
Is thinking she should submit the book to small presses instead of the biggies just to get her foot in the door.
Is working on a new idea and outline about a female PI series just in case an editor wants a series instead of a standalone.

Unpublished Writer B:

Finished one book.
Bought an established author’s critique at a writers conference charity auction. Established writer sent back critique of the first 50 pages with suggestions to improve book.
Didn’t change a thing.
Sent queries to agents. Was very offended by the “lack of personal tone” of the rejections.
Got an eager Florida-based agent to take on him on.
Didn’t change title after agent suggested it wasn’t very marketable.
Book was rejected after multiple submissions.
Didn’t change a thing.
Is looking for a “more connected” agent.
Self-published the book and sent a copy to the established author asking for a blurb. Finally started a new story.
Didn’t like my suggestion that he hone his story down to a single POV and make his plot linear, cutting the confusing flashbacks. Said the book “needed multiple POVs because of the story’s complexity demanded it” and that his book was “not really genre fiction but more literary, like Mystic River.”
Thinks there is a cabal in New York publishing designed to keep authors who have self-published from participating in the traditional system.
Has lots of ideas…

I think you get the idea. Too bad unpub B never will. Yes, you can still write the book you want to and get it published. No, you don’t have to sell out. But you have to be smart.

Being smart means learning your craft and walking before you run. (I’m guessing Unpub B never read the five Pat Kenzie Angie Gennaro books Dennis Lehane published BEFORE Mystic River…even though Mystic River was one of the first manuscripts Lehane finished.).

It means listening to good advice when you are lucky enough to get it.

It means not taking every rejection personally. An agent or editor sends out a hundred SASEs a week and when they say no they aren’t rejecting you. They are rejecting your work. There is a difference.

It means writing maybe ten books before you get it right.

It means not automatically expecting the “big” writers to reach down and pull you up. If it happens, consider yourself blessed and give back when it’s your turn. But don’t whine if it doesn’t happen.

It means increasing your chances by making your work as marketable as you can without being false to the writer you are.

It means not not looking for short cuts.

It means not giving up.

It means having the right attitude.

{{{Sound of me taking in a big inhale and bigger exhale}}}}

Wow. I hope that didn’t sound mean. Thank you, dear friends, for listening to me vent.

_____________________________________________________

Postscript: As I was finishing this Sunday night, I got an email from Unpublished Writer A. She got a nice response back from a small press asking to see a full manuscript. I will keep you posted. I think she’d going to make it.

Better three hours too soon than a minute too late. — William Shakespeare

By PJ Parrish

I’m late, I’m late, for a very important date.

But today — for the first time in months — I feel good enough about the new book to leave it alone for a few minutes.

See, I’ve been working on the same book for too many months now. Nay, I have been working on the same CHAPTER for too many weeks now, and I am beginning to think I will never finish. Part of the problem is that both my co-author sister Kelly and I have had too many personal life intrusions this past year that have affected our ability to maintain momentum. And like Woody Allen’s shark, if your WIP doesn’t move constantly forward, it dies.

But the larger part of our problem is that this book, unlike all our others, is being written on spec. We don’t have a contract for this one yet so we don’t have the tyranny of a contractual deadline.  Being a former newspaper person, I have always done my best work under a strict deadline. But with this book, time had been stretched and now the ticking clock sounds as loud as Poe’s tell-tale heart in my ears.

Here’s the thing: The worst thing you can do to screw up your career is to turn in your book late.

Being on time is very important. And it gets increasingly important the further into your career you go. Why? Because you can’t get a foothold in today’s crowded marketplace — or keep one — if you can’t turn out a book a year on time.

Time management is the hardest thing a new writer has to grasp, I think. Before you get published, you have the luxury of limitless time. Time for the virgin writer is a lovely, expandable, ever-accommodating thing. Kind of like a big purse. The bigger your purse, the most junk you carry around, right? Same with deadline. The bigger and looser it is, the more you will abuse it. Trust me. I know.

First-time authors spend YEARS making their books as good as they can. You have to, in order to get an agent to take you on. Ah, but then what? Then you enter the publishing machine and you have to produce another. And another. And yet another. And here’s the worst part of it: Each book has to be better than the last because publishers’ attention spans (dictated by the computers at B&N and rankings at Amazon) are increasingly short.

Here is another thing working against us. Unlike in the good old days, few writers entering the game today will be given the time to find their legs, their voices, their audiences. The reason is awful but pretty simple: It’s all bottom line these days and there are too many young turks waiting to take your place on the publishers list. You have to produce well…and often.

As Jim Bell put it in his Sunday post on industry updates: “My drumbeat has always been: First, write the best book you can every time out! That’s why we emphasize craft here at TKZ. There is no substitute for quality. And if you can up your production, so much the better.”

So, what happens if you are late?

You lose your place in line. I learned this in great detail at a Killer Nashville conference I went to a few years back. There was a very instructive panel with an agent, a Barnes & Noble manager, and the main buyer for Ingram distributors. It was all great advice, but the best insight came when someone asked what happens if you are late delivering your manuscript. All the experts agreed: You don’t want to do this. Ever.

Here’s the simple explanation: In traditional publishing, a publisher creates its schedule at least a year in advance. And when an editor buys your book, the process begins whereby a bunch of folks decide where that book will be positioned to get maximum attention. Publishers jockey around each others schedules, trying not to have their books competing with similar books — or with big star authors. Or Harry Potter for that matter.

So you sign your contract. You get your slot. Say you have a July 2017 release with manuscript delivery Nov. 1, 2016. Now things get more complicated. To over-simplify things:

The cover design is based on your delivery date. Ditto advance reading copies (which are important in getting bookseller buzz). Sales people start gearing up material for in-house and outside catalog placement. Marketing and publicity set a schedule of their own. And in the end, bookstores buy your book based on YOUR firm delivery date. And remember, this is happening for many other books at the same time — from your own publisher and everyone else’s. Every domino is in place.

Then you miss your delivery deadline. You’re two, three, four months late. Life intruded, the kid got sick, you wrote yourself into a corner and had to backtrack, you had writers block, there was that three-week hiking trip in the Cinque Terre you really wanted to go on…blah, blah, blah.

What’s the big deal, right?

That silence you hear is dominos NOT falling. You’ve lost your place in line, Bunky. And guess what? The world — and the process — will keep right on turning without you and your masterpiece. You’ve also been…unprofessional and made yourself a pain in the ass. Not something you want to have a reputation as being. Because publishing? — it’s a small world, after all. Once you’ve been labeled difficult, a prima donna, or unable to produce, that rep will follow you no matter how many times you switch houses.

This pattern is the same for eBook-centric publishers like Thomas & Mercer. For our most recent book, SHE’S NOT THERE, our T&M editor gave us a choice of two different manuscript-delivery dates.  They bought our book when it was about half finished. One deadline they offered was farther away but the editor was honest and said that meant a less aggressive marketing campaign.  The other deadline was pretty tight, but it meant they had more time before pub date and could do more to flog it.

Guess which one we chose? Guess which one we almost blew?

We finished the book by the hardest deadline (we missed by two days) but it about killed us. And to be honest, we weren’t happy with the ending. A week after we turned it in, I worked up the courage to email our editor and told her we thought the ending was rushed and we asked if we could add two or three more chapters.  She gave us one week. We made the extended deadline. The book came out on time.  But it was really close.

Okay, I’m self-publishing, you say. What does this have to do with me?

Everything.

Having the discipline to adhere to a set publishing schedule is just as important if you are self-publishing. Maybe even more so, because you won’t have anyone nagging you about a deadline. No one will be sending you emails asking, “How’s that book coming?” You won’t have a contract mandating that if you don’t produce, you’ll be facing some legal consequences. If you are self-publishing, having the self-discipline to make deadlines is probably even more crucial to your chances for success because you will be struggling to establish a foothold and claim enough real estate on the vast virtual bookshelf.  One book isn’t going to get you anywhere.  A whole shelf of good books that come out at nice predictable intervals? Well, readers will notice that. Again, as Jim said: Write a really good book, get it out there, write another really good book. Rinse and repeat. Rinse and repeat…

I am not telling you this to scare you. Well, maybe I am. Because I got scared myself listening to the experts at Killer Nashville and by my experience of almost blowing it with SHE’S NOT THERE. See, I am not a fast writer. Writing is hard, even at times painful, for me. I try to worry each word into place, torture each paragraph into perfection. And that, my friends, leads me to paralysis.

Sometimes, you just have to sit down and let flow out. As the King says in Alice In Wonderland, “Begin at the beginning and go on till you come to the end: then stop.”

Because, as the Queen tells us,

“In this country, it takes all the running you can do to keep you in the same place.”