Handles, monikers, labels, tags, aliases, call signs, short-fors, or sobriquets—no matter what you call nicknames, there’s no doubting the popularity of people renaming people. Probably no culture ever existed that didn’t apply nicknames to friends and to foes. Certainly, that’s the case in today’s western world.
In books, we have unforgettable character nicknames like Tiny Tim and Scout. In movies, there’s Sundance Kid and the Karate Kid. In sports, there’s The Great One, The GOAT, and The Intimidator. And in politics—well, it’s full of nicknames—The Gipper, The Iron Lady, Slick Willie, Dubya, and on and on…
I grew up in a small town. Pretty much every youth had a nickname. Some of the boys were Girch, Squid, Roach, Sally (because he, for all-the-world, looked like a salamander), Charlie Tuna, and Smerchook. The girls? I remember Casey, Jimmy, Butchie, and one with the rather unflattering nickname of Skinhound.
The police world was another nickfest. I worked with Deano, Jake, Bootsie, Squigmeyer (also shortened to Squiggy), Rosco, Basil, The Wheel, Fast Eddie, Peacher, Speedy, and Percy. Those were male officers. Females were Oscar (nicknamed after a spectacular performance), Ike, Chiclets, Blow (real name Brenda Jobins), and my long-time detective partner Harry. Harry was a large lady, with large hair, and an even larger personality. She was nicknamed “Harry” after the Sasquatch/Bigfoot in the movie Harry and the Hendersons.
As a young cop in Canada’s national police force, the RCMP, I was posted from the academy to an isolated First Nations reserve. I swear they all had nicknames as well as their unpronounceable (to me) Indian or indigenous names. Weedy, Torchy, Lucky, Jam, Ritzie, Pat Squash, Hattie, and The Old Trout. I loved my time with these wonderful folks.
Back to policing. For fourteen years, I served on the Emergency Response Team (ERT or SWAT) that was overtop of regular policing duties. Every ERT member had a nickname, more for functionality than fun. These were call signs, much like the fighter pilot fraternity has. Call signs are fast and efficient ways to remember a name and communicate clearly in the heat of the moment. Call signs are unique and unforgettable. There is no mistaking who’s calling who.
Our ERT call signs were Mother, Sonny, Jimbo, Tubbs, Bude, Deet, Cro, and our leader—Boss Hogg. Me? My call sign was Alfred. I got it from that chameleon-like character on every cover of Mad Magazine—Alfred E. Neuman. (There’s a story behind this.) And Cro, by the way, looked like Cro-Magnon Man. Cro’s brow protruded so far and his nose was so flat that he couldn’t wear sunglasses.
Call signs are earned, usually from some outstanding event. They’re peer-given and not chosen by the bearer. You never give yourself a call sign. If you do, it’ll be replaced with one you really don’t like.
A month or so ago, I wrote a Kill Zone post titled Topping Top Gun Maverick. If you’ve seen the show, you’ll remember the call signs. Maverik, for Tom Cruise which carried over from the first Top Gun released in 1984. Goose, who was Maverick’s navigator and was killed in an aerial bailout. Rooster, who is Goose’s son and now Maverick’s protégé. Iceman, played by Val Kilmer. Hammer, who is trying to fire Maverick. Cyclone, who is also trying to fire Maverick. Warlock, who keeps emotions in line. And the rest of the cast—Hangman, Phoenix, Bob, Coyote, and Fan Boy.
I went down a rabbit hole and found these real fighter pilot call signs. In alphabetical order, here are the real deals and where the call signs come from:
Agony — Last name Payne
ALF — Annoying Little F**k
Alphabet — Pilot’s real name was Varsonofy Krestodovdvizhensky
Apollo — Last name Creed
Bambi — Pilot hit a pregnant deer on the runway with his nosegear in takeoff
Beagle — Pilot kept bouncing around on training landings
Berlin — Pilot turned wrong way on taxi strip and ran into a wall
Blaze — Caught himself on fire in the mess kitchen
Burbank — Pilot self-named as Hollywood and was peer-renamed
Caveman — Incredible tolerance to cold weather in survival training
Coma — Very slow talking pilot with Southern drawl
Captain — Pilot’s real name was James Kirk
Chocks — F-16 driver who began taxying before wheel chocks were removed
COOTS — Constantly Over-emphasizes Own Tactical Significance
Cypher — Broke through radio silence on a training flight, alerting the enemy
Dice — Pilot who took unnecessary chances
Dingle — Last name Berry
Duck — Pilot who took awhile learning evasive maneuvering (Sitting Duck)
Elvis — Hard to find guy, many reported sightings, but nothing concrete
Exxon — Pilot hurried through preflight checklist and missed his refueling
Fan Song — Pilot with big ears like a Fan Song fire-tracking radar antenna
Flowmax — Could never make it through a flight without using urinary relief tube
Gear Down — Forgot something on landing
Ghost — Last name Casper
Glory — Last name Hole
Gucci — Pilot who got 9-G drunk and vomited in a woman’s Gucci purse
Grumpy — Short pilot who was not a morning person
Hannibal — As in Lecter, and his smell of cauterized human flesh
Hurricane — Female F-18 Super Hornet driver named Katrina
Headless — Last name Horstman
Hyde — Pilot had split personality; most liked his Hyde side better than Jeckyl
Hi-Ho — Last name Silva
Inch — Dutch pilot measuring 5’ 4” tall
Intake — Pilot had the largest nose anyone in the squadron had ever seen
IRIS — “I Require Intense Supervision”
Jugs — First female Top Gun pilot graduating from Miramar
Kanga — Last name Rew
Krod — (Spell it backwards)
Krunch — Landing gear sound when hitting hard and short of runway
Legend — Trainee who failed an exam no one had ever failed
Lick — Last name MaWhinney
Link — Soviet-born pilot with mono brow, flat forehead, large knuckles
Me-So — Last name Horn
Marx — Pilot’s first name was Karl, and he hated communists
Magellan — Pilot had a poor sense of direction, not in line with any compass
NAG — First female Marine Corps F/A 18 WSO (Not A Guy)
NotSo — Last name Bright
Omelet — Dutch pilot call-signed “Uitsmijter” – English translation “Grilled Egg”
OhMy — Last name Gaud
PE — Pilot accidently Prematurely Ejected while on the runway
Pyro — Pilot accidently discharged evasive flares and set airfield on fire
Plan B — Pilot perpetually unlucky with the bar ladies
PopTop — Pilot who accidently jettisoned not one, but two canopies
Razor — Pilot who made the sharpest turns and maneuvers ever seen
Rebound — Pilot in so many relationships with the same woman
ROTOR — Ran Off The Only Runway
Rushmore — Pilot fined for climbing Mt. Rushmore and selfying on Lincoln’s beard
SLAW — Shops Like A Woman
Salad — First name Cesar
Salesman — Pilot who had a hard time closing deals with women
SALSA — Student Aviator Lacking Situational Awareness
T-Bone — Pilot who dropped a practice bomb straight through a cow
TBAR — That Boy Ain’t Right
Teflon — Pilot with smooth moves in the air and on the ground
Tumble Weed — Tall, vegan pilot called “Weed” who fainted and went down hard
Vapor — An F-16 Viper driver who landed with less than 10 pounds of fuel left
Vodka — Last name Smirnoff
WiFi — Pilot whose Wife Financed his new Porsche
Werewolf — Hairy pilot always grounded during full moon exercises, no exceptions
Yoda — A short Irish pilot who spoke his words backwards
Zulu — Trainee who always got time calcs wrong in flight school
Zen — A real F-15 Eagle driver more accurate without his computer gunsight system
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Kill Zoners — Nicknames? Do you use them in characterization? How important are nicknames in a story? And do you have a personal nickname you’d like to share?