Where Did That Come From?

Where Did That Come From?
Terry Odell and James L’Eotile

Picture of a corridor in a jail

As I’m still in New Zealand, I’m delighted to have James L’Etoile as my guest today. I first met James at a Left Coast Crime conference, where he endeared himself to me forever by handing out chocolates wrapped with images of his recent release’s cover. Yes, chocolates. Yes, I’m easy. Oh, and he writes good books, too. I have no idea what day or time it is, or when or if I’ll have internet access, so James will be responding to comments. Take it away, James.


Hey there! Terry left a key under a rock by the back door and told me to let myself in. Terry was nice enough to offer me a guest post slot here on The Kill Zone if I promised to clean up after myself. I found a note reminding me no loud parties and be mindful of the curfew. Terry asked me to talk about how I went from a life of crime to writing about it. She may not have phrased it exactly that way…

I was in prison for 29 years as a result of choices I made. Oh, I should probably clarify that I worked in prison as opposed to having been sent there by a judge. I served as a hostage negotiator, captain, associate warden in a maximum-security prison, and director of California’s parole system. Still, it was doing time along with 3,000 men who couldn’t function in society without killing people.

Every day brought new challenges and demonstrated the worst humanity had to offer. My goal at the end of each shift was to have no new holes in my stab-resistant vest. So, what does this have to do with writing crime fiction? It’s not what you might think.

I didn’t begin writing until after I escaped (retired) from prison. One spring morning, I sat in the backyard with my coffee and a book. The coffee was good—the book—no so much. I tossed it aside and muttered, “I could do better than this.” Could I? It became a challenge. Could I lean to write commercial fiction?

Writing commercial crime fiction meant learning story structure. It meant discovering dialogue, tone, point of view, and pacing—all new territory for me. Books, online resources helped, but it wasn’t until I began attending workshops and classes that it started to come together. In particular, I credit the Book Passage Mystery Writers conference with putting me on the right course. It’s a small writer-focused weekend bringing in established authors who present craft sessions and offer their insights and encouragement. It gave me the basic tools of the trade.

But there was something missing. Sure, I had the technical skills in my pocket. But could I truly write crime fiction? The confidence—the can I really do this factor—held me back. Until I thought back to one of the first jobs I held as a probation officer preparing presentence reports for the sentencing judge.

A presentence report gives the judge a complete picture of the case and the defendant. I would interview the convicted person in the jail and get their take on the offense. Did they express remorse? Blame the victim? I read all the investigative reports, interviewed the detectives, spoke with the victim, or the next of kin, all to get a sense of the defendant and the crime. All this information would be cobbled together in a narrative for the judge. Years later, it dawned on me that I’d been writing crimes stories all along.

The realization that I’d done this before was enough to give me the confidence to take on writing crime fiction. I’ve learned how to use my experience in the system to help bring a little authentic flavor to the stories I write.

Face of Greed, for example, was based on one of the first murder cases I worked. The real-life situation was a home invasion which took a deadly turn. A real estate broker was shot in front of his family by three gang members. After they were arrested, the gang members claimed the victim was a drug dealer who had been holding out on them. One claimed the killing was self-defense because the victim pulled a handgun from a floor safe. Their story quickly fell apart, and the gangsters turned on one another for better plea deal. The truth was the home was targeted because the homeowner was believed to keep large sums of cash in his safe. The jury saw through their fiction and quickly convicted all three.

The case stayed with me after all these years and when I thought about a novel with an opening scene featuring a home invasion, I thought—what if there was something more going on in that house?

Now, working on the draft of what will be my twelfth novel, I’ve come to realize it doesn’t get any easier, but I’ve got the tools and confidence to see it through. Oh, I did meet that author—the one whose book I tossed aside. I thanked them for giving me the inspiration to become an author. I didn’t tell them exactly how they inspired my path. Sometimes you don’t need to tell the whole story.

How about you? If you’ve tried something new, where did you find your source of inspiration?


photo of author James L'Etoile standing in front of green treesJames L’Etoile uses his twenty-nine years behind bars as an influence in his award-winning novels, short stories, and screenplays. He is a former associate warden in a maximum-security prison, a hostage negotiator, and director of California’s state parole system. His novels have been shortlisted or awarded the Lefty, Anthony, Silver Falchion, and the Public Safety Writers Award.

Image of the cover of Face of Greed by James L'EtoileFace of Greed is his most recent novel. Look for Served Cold and River of Lies, coming in 2024. You can find out more at his website, jamesletoile.com

 

 

 

 

Mystery Elements and Sass Are the New Black – First Page Critique-The Dangerous Dame

Jordan Dane

@jordandane

Don your fedora and breathe in the smoky air of a shadowy life when you read this anonymous submission of 400 words for THE DANGEROUS DAME. My feedback will be on the flip side. Please share your thoughts in the comments.

CHAPTER ONE

Ida Lucas was Hamilton’s answer to Mata Hari – a blonde bombshell who mesmerized the upper-crust gents in the Circus Roof at the Royal Connaught Hotel. Some folks said that her scandalous strip-tease rivaled that of Gypsy Rose Lee. One night with Ida was rumoured to cost you a King’s ransom and that, in the Hamilton of 1948, translated into a cool 100 simoleons. For the working man – two weeks pay. But the working man was the last guy Ida wanted to see.

She came to my attention while I was doing some leg-work for a local law office. And I didn’t find out until much later that there was a helluva lot more going on in this shady lady’s busy life than I’d ever suspected.

It was a fine spring morning when I entered the White Spot Grill on King Street downtown. Spiro shot me a dark look from behind the counter as he grunted a tray-load of dirty cups into an industrial dishwasher with a loud clank. The sharp tang of burnt toast hung in the air and I guessed that Madge was late for her early shift this morning.

The food here was nothing special and the coffee was so-so but it was close to my office. And don’t get me started about its owner.

“Don’t often see you in here, Max. Now that you’re a big-shot private dick with a fancy assistant and a secretary and all,” he said.

I’d met Spiro last summer when I opened my private detective agency on King Street, across from the Connaught, and right off the bat we’d developed a spikey kind of relationship. But with the ladies, of course, he was always the perfect gent – “Yes, Ma’am, right away, Ma’am. My, you’re looking swell today.”

I ignored his ‘big shot’ remark and slid onto the end stool at the counter. “A large carafe to go. If it ain’t too much trouble.”

He bounced his hard look off me but I didn’t react. Then he motioned with his head toward the rear of the café. “Bob said he wanted to see you if you came in. I told him –”

“Okay. I’ll be back in a minute.”

At the end of the row of booths, Spiro had rigged up a small table that looked like a cut-down student’s desk. It was low enough that my veteran friend, Bob, could use it while seated aboard his wheeled dolly. A brave soldier overseas, he’d lost both his legs on that godforsaken, stony beach in Dieppe on August 19, 1942 – a date forever seared into the memory of every Hamiltonian.

Bob was puzzling over a Daily Racing Form and scribbled something in the margin as I approached. He looked up, then parked his pencil behind his right ear. “Hi-de-ho, Max. How goes it?”

“Everything’s copacetic,” I said as I pointed to the paper. “Trying to pick me a winner at the Woodbine track?”

FEEDBACK

There is plenty to like with this submission and the ease of a voice that reminds me of old black and white detective movies. The attention to detail of the White Spot Grill and the guy filling in his race track form with a pencil is Bob, a WWII war veteran–the sights and sounds and smells are vivid and drew me in.

Time Frame & Setting – I would like to know what time frame this is written for. A simple tag description at the start would be a simple fix – What year and city?

Where to Start – Given the Noir voice of this submission, I liked the intro and got into the description of Ida Lucas, but that intro is coming from a character I’m not properly introduced to. The first two paragraphs are about Ida Lucas and I don’t know why because there is no link made to her and Max, the narrator. There doesn’t appear to be a connection that explains why the woman PI begins the story with her–plus there isn’t action to jump start this passive beginning.

My suggestion would be to start with the action of the woman PI walking into the White Spot Grill (3rd paragraph). I would rework the new introduction to be meatier with a mystery centered on the woman entering the grill alone, hinting at why she had come.

A simple fix:

BEFORE: It was a fine spring morning when I entered the White Spot Grill on King Street downtown. Spiro shot me a dark look from behind the counter…

AFTER: When I entered the White Spot Grill on King Street downtown, my high heels clacked on the black and white checkered linoleum and Spiro shot me a dark look from behind the counter. He grunted a tray-load of dirty cups into an industrial dishwasher with a loud clank. I felt like a porterhouse in a world of ground round.

Max obviously knows all the names of the people who work at the diner. Why not take the opportunity to introduce the narrator when she walks into the restaurant? All we know is her first name is Max.

If the author saved the first two paragraphs, those could be used later, once the reader understands why Ida Lucas is important to this rendezvous. As it stands now, the first two paragraphs are isolated (as to purpose).

First Person POV Gender – From the start, I pictured the voice to be that of a man, but it’s not until dishwasher busboy Spiro says “Yes, ma’am” that I realized the narrator is a woman PI. Even the nickname of Max doesn’t shed light on gender. If the author takes my suggestion of starting with the action of the woman PI making a mystery clandestine meeting at a low rent grill, adding words like “my high heels clacked on the sidewalk” or have Max put on lipstick outside. Or have Spiro be the only one who calls her Maxine and she rolls her eyes and has a snappy comeback.

SUGGESTION: “No one calls me Maxine, Spiro. Not even my mother. How many times do I have to say it?” Working as a single woman in a man’s world, I preferred the nickname, Max.

I stumbled over this – When Spiro is trying to get Max to check in with his boss, Bob, she acknowledges his request but says, “Okay, I’ll be back in a minute.” I didn’t get this line. It made me think Max had to get her coffee order back to her office and that she would return to visit with Bob when she could stay longer. I had to reread it a few times. Maybe the author meant that Max would come to the “back” of the restaurant after she gets her order. I would recommend the author clean this up and make the transition clearer.

Mystery Elements/Where to go from here – Does Bob get Max into a case involving Ida? I don’t know what to suggest since I don’t know where the story is going. To tie this in better and make the story start with a mystery, Max could be holding a note clutched in her hand, a cryptic message asking her to meet at the diner. She could recognize the handwriting, but the note isn’t signed. Or for added interest, the note could end with a compelling mystery line – something like “I’m sorry, Max, but I need to know this time.”

Bob could have tried a few times to trace the whereabouts of Ida for personal reasons. Max sees the cryptic note and she knows who wrote it. Her mind could flash on Ida and her reputation (where the author brings back the first two paragraphs without spilling the beans on why she makes the connection).

I would recommend adding mystery elements to draw the reader into this intro. The exchange between Max and Bob is too casual and chatty, with no tension or mystery to their interaction. Why not add something? Have the reader walk into Max’s life with a mystery she’s been working on with Bob. It would give more purpose to this introduction and the reason Ida Lucas will play a part.

More Sass – I think there is potential for Max to have sass throughout this novel. We’re only seeing the first 400 words, but I would like to see more of a hint of it in this brief opener. That’s why I added the line, “I felt like a porterhouse in a world of ground round.” This reads like a period piece and to have a woman working in a traditionally male career, Max would have to be over the top aggressive in order to get work as a private detective. She’d have to have guts and think out of the box just to compete.

I once researched women bounty hunters and the stories I found online and in newspapers on how they outsmarted the male fugitives (for higher bounty) are hilarious. I see Max street savvy and smart mouthed, able to talk her way through anything. Adding color to Max’s voice and her life could make the difference in setting this story apart from other novels.

Overview – There is a lot to like about this submission. I would definitely read on since I love police or PI procedurals. I love the author’s attention to the detail of sights, sounds and the reader’s senses. I’m also intrigued by the voice of the woman detective. Well done.

DISCUSSION:

What would you add, TKZers?

 

 

Why Mysteries Matter

By my reckoning, this is my last blog post until January 2016 (with TKZ’s regular winter hiatus coming up) and I thought it was important, especially given recent tragic events, to end the year on a more hopeful note – focusing on why, for us as writers and readers, mysteries still matter, perhaps more than ever.

When I talk at book events I’m often asked why I chose to write a mystery. My answer is that I actually never originally set out to write a mystery but rather a hybrid of a range of genres with historical fiction at the core. However, before I sold my first book, my agent felt the book really fell squarely within the mystery genre and that is how we pitched the book to potential publishers. I’ve since found the mystery/crime fiction genre to be an ideal vehicle for my work – providing a framework which enables me to explore characters, history and events in a way that also keeps me focused on keeping the reader engaged.

As a reader of mysteries, thrillers and crime fiction, I also enjoy being transported to different eras, places and the deeper (often darker) aspects of humanity that I wouldn’t otherwise be able to experience. Mysteries provide me, as a reader, a vicarious means through which I can try and comprehend the world – in terms of the good, the evil and the grey areas in between. So why do mysteries matter, especially when faced with the complexities and tragedies of our modern world?

Here’s what I think:

  • Mysteries provide readers a means to explore and possibly understand a complex world often in its darkest terms;
  • They usually adhere to rules that enable a reader to make sense of the events that occur and gain the satisfaction of seeing justice done or, at the very least, a satisfying resolution;
  • They expose us to situations which most of us (hopefully) will never experience and lift a a mirror up to society’s ills, frailties as well as its horrors;
  • They may be one of the few ways we can explore, understand or make sense of situations that in the real world seem incomprehensible; and
  • In my case, they can illuminate periods of history in a way that is engaging and exciting (which sadly history as it’s often taught, isn’t)

So what do you think? Why do you write and read mysteries?Why do they matter to you?

Here’s wishing you a safe, joyous and book filled holiday season.