Author Archives: Joe Moore

About Joe Moore

#1 Amazon and international bestselling author. Co-president emeritus, International Thriller Writers.

Zippitydodah, I Got Squat.

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John Ramsey Miller

This week, I got nothing. I thought about it yesterday while I was spreading four tons of number 57 grade blue stone with a shovel. I thought about it this morning while I was shoveling sawdust laced with chicken poop and composted leaves into my wife’s garden plot. I thought about it while I was throwing tennis balls for my dogs, and while I was on the phone with Robert Gregory Browne for twenty minutes. Yep, I’ve got zippidy-doo-da butkus.

A close friend of mine died this week and I started to do this blog about losing friends, but that could be a weekly column these days. All I’m hearing from my friends is “kerplunk.” She was such a treasure, but she wanted neither a funeral nor any gathering in her honor and not even an obituary. She donated her body to a medical school to make sure some good came from her passing, and she decided to do that when she was a young, beautiful woman. Her pottery studio was open the day after she died and it’s open today. I’m not going to write about her here, but I will think about her as long as I live. I may give my body to science as long as they don’t put me in that partially peeled, men-and-animals-traveling freak show. My son took my grand kids to see that and after walking in and turning around, he demanded his money back. My son is afraid of death, and those smiling, pulled-apart people about sent him to the hospital. Nothing bothers me about death except the actual dying part of it.

Life is about relationships and the lessons you learn. Writing is about ratting them out. I am writing a book where the protagonist is an old man, a Vietnam vet with a bunch of old friends who are also over the hill. It’s easy as hell to do the research because a lot of my friends are that age and we sit around a lot. In fact, I’m darned near that age myself. It’s fun writing this one because I’m using myself as a model a lot, and I can still scrap with the younger boys, yes, I can still boogie-woogie boy howdy. Well, I can remember well enough to write about it.

See I really did have nothing.

Maybe next week, I’ll sneak up on something. I bet everybody’s mad that I had Valentines Day and only mentioned it this once. I’ve been with my wife for 32 years, and I’m still in love with her. In fact I love her more than I did Valentines Day thirty-two years ago. That’s twice. I guess we grew and changed together.

Stuff That Bugs Me

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By John Gilstrap
http://www.johngilstrap.com

I’m a reasonable man. I understand that people have jobs to do, and I respect anyone who does honest work for an honest wage. I think being a novelist makes me fairly empathetic, almost by definition, and I really do try to see issues from both sides. That said . . .

Why do the baristas in Starbucks insist on asking me if I want to leave room for cream? Having paid for a whole cup of coffee, why wouldn’t I want a whole cup of coffee? As it is, a “full” cup is typically one-eighth empty. I confess that I do, indeed, put cream in my coffee (along with two Splendas for the grande size), but I reserve the right to decide how much of my justly-purchased morning dose gets poured into the trash can to make room. Some would argue that baristas make their offer as a customer service, but in my hard-earned cynicism I know that the real mission is to collect the revenue for eight or nine servings while incurring the cost of only seven or eight.

While the topic is coffee, what is it about the customer base of Dunkin’ Donuts that makes them vapor-lock when they get to the counter? “I’ll have a dozen donuts,” they’ll say. “I’ll take two glazed, and one chocolate frosted . . . No, three glazed and two chocolate frosted, a blueberry cake . . . No, really, I only want two glazed . . .” Good God almighty, it’s a freaking donut shop! What the hell have you been thinking these last five minutes as we stood in line behind the previous indecisive customer? All I want is a damn cup of coffee.

United Airlines flight attendants, listen up. Since your bosses have decided to charge 20 bucks to check bags, people are going to bring their luggage on board and try to stuff it into the overhead bins. Get over it. Your company made the call to fill every square millimeter with additional no-legroom seats; it’s not our fault. Yelling at people for taking too long in the aisle doesn’t help anything. As for your on-time departure, where the hell was all that concern when the previous late flight made me miss my connection?

Attention drive-thru fast food tellers: Quit asking me if I want your special of the day. If I want your special of the day, I’ll ask for it. However, if you must continue to ask, try pronouncing all the words. That little speaker out there sucks.

Attention fast food restaurant managers with drive-thru windows: Political correctness aside, quit putting non-English speakers on window duty. Seriously. I said cheeseburger, fries and Diet Coke. I shouldn’t have to repeat that three times.

Tourists of the world, the fact that you think might be lost is no excuse to stop dead in your tracks at the top or the bottom of a Metrorail escalator at rush hour. Come to think of it, when you’re a tourist in Washington, I’d consider it a personal favor if you would just stay off the public transit system at rush hour. It’s astonishing how badly you screw it up.

On the highway, if you’re going to pass me, pass me. If you’re going to follow me, follow me. What are you thinking when you pull up next to me and go the same speed?

I save my final appeal for the medical community: Hey Doc, as long as you’re going to make me wait in that ridiculous gown for the 45 minutes that you’d have charged me for if I was late, is it too much to ask for a little heat?

Thanks for indulging me, folks. I actually feel a little better.

The Business of Blurbs

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by Michelle Gagnon

I thought I’d discuss the dark, inner secrets of blurbs today. Blurbs are those quotes on the front and back cover by a well-known author who was kind enough to say some nice things about your book, thereby inducing people to buy it. At least in theory.

So how writers get those glowing blurbs? I find that cash works quite well, or blackmail works in a pinch (just kidding). Honestly, I have yet to be turned down for a blurb. As long as you can give someone a decent time frame in which to read the manuscript (ideally a month or two), and they’re not too swamped, everyone I’ve approached has been exceedingly gracious.

But it was a bit of a learning process for me. For example: chances are, no one might mention the deadline for blurb submission until oh, say, three weeks before it’s due. That’s what happened to me with my first novel. I had prepared a list of people to ask, and we were proceeding nicely through the rounds of edits. Offhand, I asked my editor one day, "By the way, when should I send the manuscript to people to blurb?"

Dead silence.

Then, "You haven’t done that yet?"

Thus ensued one of the most frantic days of my life. I emailed everyone I knew, had met, or had even heard of, who might consider blurbing the book. I overdid it, actually, because I assumed that easily three-quarters of the people would say no when they found out I needed it in a little under three weeks. And you know what? No one did. One blurb came in past the deadline, but I was thrilled to use it on all of my promotional materials. For me, this was the best introduction to how much of a community the crime fiction writing world really is.

The next time, I was ready. I send the manuscript out early, to the two people whose work I thought most closely matched the books tone and subject matter. Because that’s another thing I learned about blurbs. If the bestselling author of medical thrillers blurbs your book, there’s a chance her fans might buy it. Imagine their shock and dismay when they discover that not only is your book not a medical thriller, but is actually a paranormal mystery involving shapeshifters. Some might love it regardless, and there are varying opinions on whether or not the name recognition of the blurber is more important than the similarity to their work. In my opinion, the book should be something a fan of the other author will find familiar.

The question is, do blurbs actually do what they’re supposed to do, inspiring book sales that might not happen otherwise? I suspect yes, since publishers have clearly done more market research on this than I have, and they’re fairly insistent about having something to put on that cover. Does a blurb from a fellow author have more or less impact than an excerpt from a good review? Tough to say (and I’m always reminded of the friend who received a review calling his book, "An excellent example of everything that’s wrong with writing today," which his publisher promptly shortened to, "Excellent.")

I’m curious to hear whether or not a blurb has ever inspired you to buy a book you might not have picked up otherwise.

Kindle 2.0

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By Joe Moore

We’ve discussed the Kindle e-book reader a number of times here in the past. Even though its market penetration is still modest at best, I think everyone admits it is or will be a factor in the future of publishing. So with 230,000 titles (including mine) available for downloading onto the Kindle, it’s probably worth discussing again now that the product has some significant upgrades.

Recently, Amazon introduced the new Kindle 2. Some of the features in the updated version are a battery kindle2 that will last two weeks, more contrast on the black-and-white screen than the previous version, faster wi-fi connections, more memory, a smaller size that weighs less than the previous device, more storage (1,500 books rather than the current 200) and a speaker with a new function that reads the text aloud. Also, Stephen King’s new novella UR will be available exclusively on the new Kindle. The latest device costs the same as the old Kindle: $359.

The new "Text-to-Speech" audio function has raised some concern with the Authors Guild who stated that it must be considered an “audio right”, but Amazon said that customers would not confuse text reading with an audiobook. (Note: this is not the same as an audiobook where a professional talent is paid to read the story in a dramatic fashion.) I haven’t heard it but I assume it’s done using a synthesized voice perhaps like a dashboard GPS.

Another issue that was raised is the price of e-books for the Kindle: $9.99. Some publishers feel that the price is fine since they are investing in a lot in costly digital technology. And some say that e-books should not be considered of less value than the paper version and assume they would cost less.

With e-books being a very small (less than 1%) portion of book revenue, it would seem to me that having them at a reduced price would encourage buyers to venture into the e-book domain. But I’m sure that publishers don’t want to give up revenue in these hard economic conditions.

So, with the upcoming availability of the new Kindle 2, my questions are: Is it smart of Amazon to price the product the same as the older version? Or should it be priced cheaper than the 1.0 version even with the added features? And is $9.99 a fair price for e-books or should they be sold for less than say the mass market PB version of the same book?

This topic’s HOT, says Google Labs

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I went deep into the bowels of the Internet today.

Okay maybe I didn’t go that deep. But I made it down as far as Google Labs. For me that’s like spelunking into the Bat Caves of the Cyber Geeks.

I went there because I was searching for a hot blog topic for today’s post.

You see, I had a really busy weekend. Frankly I was exhausted. I couldn’t think of a dad-blamed thing to write about for today’s post. So I thought, “Hey, you can find anything on the Internet. I’ll just look up something hot.”

So I went to IE (that’s Internet Explorer, for anyone who just left Planet DOS), and typed Hot Topic into the Search box.

And lo and behold, all sorts of links popped up. Including one article called–yes–How to Find Hot Topics to Write About.

The article sent me to a site called Google Labs, where you can select Google Suggest, type in a search phrase, and find out what trends people are currently searching for, all over the world.

So I did a few searches. And the results were a bit disheartening. Here’s a sampling of the results with Google’s “trend temperatures”:

Selena Roberts and A-Rod (Volcanic)

Georgia teaching candidates must prepare for the GACE exam before they are able to accept a position in any public school (On Fire)

Obama Press Conference (Spicy)

Cockapoos (Medium)

Grammy fashion (Mild)















I was hard pressed to turn any of these topics into something writing-oriented, however. But then I stumbled onto Google Suggest’s Search Trends feature, and typed in “How to Write.” That’s when I hit paydirt.

It turns out that in the last twelve months, the most-searched-for article about writing fiction on the Internet was How to write a Bestseller by Maeve Binchy.

Maeve Binchy is one of my personal icons. And this article about her is a gold mine. I feel lucky to have dug it up. It’s…hot.

It turns out that Maeve, who has sold a gazillion bestsellers, has just published a how-to book about how to write bestsellers. It’s called The Maeve Binchy Writers’ Club (published by Orion). According to the article by John Spain, the book evolved from a writing course that Maeve contributed to at the National College of Ireland in Dublin.

Aside from fiction, the number one most-searched-for writing article overall was one about how to write…iPhone applications.

No surprise there. Those writers are probably already making a bazillion dollars without writing any books at all. (That’s BAH-zillion, since our zillions are getting inflated these days by TARP economics).

And that thought leaves me cold.

Hell in all its fury

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by Clare Langley-Hawthorne
http://www.clarelangleyhawthorne.com/

I had no intention about blogging today about bushfires but events over the weekend have compelled me. Just outside the city I grew up in, Melbourne, Australia has just experienced the worst bushfire in Australian history. The death toll currently stands at 130 with over 750 homes lost. Some towns have been razed to the ground and, as the Prime Minister, Kevin Rudd, said yesterday “Hell in all its fury has visited the good people of Victoria.”

I am grateful that all my family and friends are, as far as we know, safe and well, but some of images (like this one) brought home just how close this tragedy has come to Melbourne. This view is from Doncaster, the suburb of Melbourne where my sister-in-law lives, and you can see the fires raging on the horizon. These bushfires occurred as Melbourne sweltered under the hottest day on record – it was 115 degrees on Saturday with gale force winds.

I have to reflect that the weather is now so unpredictable – snow in London, 115 degrees in Melbourne, floods in far north Queensland – extremes that are rare but stunning in their impact. I fear with global warming that such freakish weather patterns are only going to get worse as well as continue.

I was in Melbourne when the last bushfires of such magnitude occurred on a day in 1983 that is now remembered as Ash Wednesday. While the bushfires never reached Melbourne, I remember walking into our backyard late that night and smelling the smoke, feeling the ash that was literally raining down on the city. On that day some 47 people died in Victoria – which still pales in comparison to the number lost this weekend. I cannot even post some of the photographs of this weekend’s devastation as they are just too awful to bear. People died without warning in their homes or in their cars fleeing the fires. It all happened so fast that for many there was no way of escaping.
So today’s blog has nothing to do with writing mysteries but is rather a reflection on the fragility of our lives as well as our planet. Whenever a tragedy like this strikes it’s hard not to feel isolated and helpless – even if we lived in Australia I’m sure we would feel the same. I know my sister and brother-in-law (both doctors in hospitals in Melbourne) are no doubt fighting the second ‘front line’ with the injured. My thoughts and prayers go out to everyone as they recover from what must have been an unimaginable hell. Even as a writer I could not even begin to describe how it must have felt to have witnessed this and, as fires continue to rage across Victoria and the investigation crews start combing through the ruins, we still do not know the full magnitude of this tragedy.

Sunday Writing School (normally Guest Sunday)

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We’re trying something a little different today–there’s no scheduled guest blogger today, so the Killers are holding "Sunday Writing School." We’ll open with a writing question, provide an opinionated answer, and then you can post more questions in the comments. As the day and night goes on we’ll all pick up questions from the comments and update the post with any more questions that come in, and add our (sure to be) very opinionated responses.

Question #1 (from ZenGirlWorld):

I’m working on my first mystery but I can’t settle on a point of view. Which one is best? I want to use first person but everything come out sounding like a bad Humphrey Bogart movie.

Kathryn: ZenGirl, you’re right in thinking that the selection of the right POV for your story is key.

I think it’s tempting to use first-person POV, but a drawback is that your character has to be in every scene, and that gets to be awkward. Plus, if you use a first-person POV, make sure that character doesn’t "know" anything in the story that he or she hasn’t seen, read, or been told. Sometimes authors have to do backflips to get around this constraint.

I’ll let some of the other Killers jump in while I’m thinking some more about this POV question…

Hi, ZenGirlWorld. Gilstrap here. I stay away from the first person for several reasons. First of all, as Kathryn says, storytelling can become a real pain when you have to develop every detail through the eyes of a single character. By telling the story through shifting points of view, I find it easier to build the tension because the reader can know things that the characters don’t. In first person, you simply don’t have that luxury. Most importantly for me, though, is the fact that first person narrative guarantees that the narrator lives. I don’t ever want a reader to feel comfortable about that.

Kathryn again: You’re talking about multiple third person POV, right John? There’s also limited third-person POV, which lets the POV be shown from both inside and outside the character’s head (I had to go back to my writing books to look that term up)!

Gilstrap’s turn. I actually don’t know what to call what I’m talking about (limited vs. multiple 3rd person). I’m pretty much self-taught, so the terminology escapes me. I always just ask myself, "Who’s scene is it?" If I’ve got a killer sneaking up on a helpless victim, I have to whose POV provides for the best thrill ride for the reader. When I’m writing from Bad Guy’s perspective, all the observations, and even the narrative voice are exclusively his. He (and therefore the reader) can only feel his own feelings and observe the actions that he can see, smell, hear, taste and feel.

Let’s say, for the sake of illustration, that Bad Guy is hunting Good Guy, but doesn’t know yet where he is. In that circumstance, while I’m in Bad Guy’s POV, it would be a huge cheat for me as the narrator to throw in a line like, "Only fifty feet away, Good Guy tried to make himself invisible." While I’m locked in BG’s POV, I can’t have the knowledge.

If it’s important to the story, however, that the reader be aware of cowering GG only 50 feet away, I’ll have to switch to GG’s point of view.

Question #2 :Sarah asks:

I also am writing my first mystery, I normally write Urban Legend. I started with one character as the main focus, but quickly realized that she was not where the real story was. Although she does hold some of it. So I changed to the partner being the MC and he is in 1st person. But I also have his partner Devin and others POV’s written in third. I don’t mix them, if it’s from Detective Michael’s pov, it stays on his in first. If it’s 3rd person from Devin’s or the killers, it stays in theirs. Is that okay?

I don’t think it’s confusing, but how often is that done?

Kathryn: I think one question to ask yourself about your story, Sarah, might be whether you’re writing a mystery or a suspense thriller. It sort of sounds to me like you might have more of a suspense story, but that’s just my first impression. I think the other Killers could give you more insight on that if we knew more about your story. (Author Carolyn Wheat has a great sixteen point comparison between mystery and suspense, and if I can find a link to it I’ll add it).

(Couldn’t find the link to the tips but here’s an article with Carolyn Wheat – her book will have the tips I’m sure!)

Certainly some stories have used mixed POVs, but the POV has to be handled very carefully to control the POV. In the book Writing the Thriller by T. Macdonald Skillman, MacDonald mentions Michael Connelly’s The Poet as one example. One effective technique is to use third-person POV for the protagonist and other major characters, and then use first-person POV for the unidentified killer. It gives the story a very creepy effect.

Gilstrap’s advice: You’re attempting to do a very difficult, non-traditional sleight of hand that is fraught with potential pitfalls. I’ve said for years that there are no rules in this game, and that every writer should steadfastly stay the course for any strategy that is crucial to the story. In my experience, fancy stuff is rarely essential, and can often distract from the reader’s experience. Only you can make the call as to what works and what doesn’t, but as you make your evaluation, I encourage you to think like a reader, not like a writer.

[ See the Comments for more advice from the Killers!]

~~~~~~~~~~~

So what are your writing questions? Post them in the comments and the Killers will do our best to answer!

CALENDAR OF UPCOMING GUESTS

Mark your calendar for the following guest bloggers at the Kill Zone:

Jordan Dane, February 15
Michael Palmer, February 22
Mario Acevedo, March 1
Cara Black, March 8
Robert Gregory Browne, March 15
Neil Plakcy, March 22
Liz Jasper, March 29
Eric Stone, April 11

If it wasn’t for denial, just imagine how bad things would be.

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John Ramsey Miller

I’ve been busy lately––really busy––and I let Saturday slip up on me. I woke up an hour ago, discovered it was Saturday morning and so I’m writing this before Gilstrap emails me to ask where my blog is. Not that I don’t take this blog seriously, because I take it as seriously as most bloggers possibly can. I know people read it, but I’m not convinced anybody really sits around all week waiting to see what I have to say about anything. Life has just flat been taking up all of my time. I’m sorry. So kill me.

The publishing news is all downbeat. All the news is downbeat or insane. They are finding out that depressed people read less, and flogging people with doomsday scenarios hourly doesn’t seem to be raising spirits at all. Imagine that.

The good news has become depressive. Normally a woman has eight babies at one time and it’s “Joy To The World” time, and people flood the parents with cash, give them a reality show, build new rooms on the house, neighbors volunteer to help change diapers, pay millions for pictures… Goo. Goo. Ga. Ga. Not any more. Yesterday there was the woman who had the octupletinos, or whatever you call eight babies (other than a litter). After a couple of days, the media turned on her like wolves. She’s got six kids already but she’s lonely so she wants as many children as she can shoot out. I’m thinking Queen ant here. She can somehow afford to have eggs implanted by some “irresponsible” clinic run by a mad scientist. Only six eggs, but two eggs made twins! The newscast says the medical bill could run one to three million dollars. I’m sure she’ll pay that bill if it takes three billion years. This single mother says she is not only going to raise fourteen children, but she’s going to take this opportunity to go back to college. In good times she’d be untouchable––a virtual saint and media darling. This story was, according to the media, a wolf in sheep’s clothing.

What planet do they find these people on? Maybe she’ll run for congress. God knows she’d fit right in. And if she waits and gets all of her kids to vote for her, she’s a shoe in.

Michael Phelps smoking marijuana. So what?

The media (this was on Today) is already comparing President Obama with Jimmy Carter. Remember that administration?

North Korea has a new long-range missile to hang a nuke on.

Foreign fighters have lost in Iraq, so they are flooding into Afghanistan.

And the Russians want to get back into Afghanistan to help us.

Congress wants to run the financial end of our country like they’ve run the government.

I think I’ll quit watching the news. I mean what’s the point? It’s like watching a train wreck from inside the train.

Now is the time to write fiction.

The whole world is fictional.

I feel better now.

Things I don’t Get About Facebook

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By John Gilstrap
http://www.johngilstrap.com

I say once you’ve got a good blog topic rolling, stay with it.

I’m a part of two “social networking” sites, on of which is Facebook. On the positive side, I’ve rediscovered enough long-lost friends to make it a valuable experience overall. So I’m really not complaining. There’s just so much of it that I don’t get.

Why, for example, would I want to post something on someone’s wall instead of sending them a note? When someone posts something on my wall, why can’t I respond? I can do the wall-to-wall thing, but when you do that, my reply shows up as a non-sequitur because the context of the original wall-posting isn’t there.

I hate chain letters. As a result, I know I’m doomed to die young and destitute, but I refuse to perpetuate that which I loathe. The whole “25 things about me” thing came as close to tantalizing as any of those things have come, but I didn’t participate because I didn’t want to burden my friends—even my virtual ones—with a chain letter.

And the “groups.” What’s with them? I was hoping to recapture the halcyon days of the old AOL Writers Club, where there was a real—albeit virtual—community of writers who cared about each other. Through that Writers Club I met and became real-life friends with dozens of people, including Miller. The writers groups on Facebook, such as they are, seem to me to be an endless string of marketing pitches. It’s shocking to know how many charlatans there are who are desperate to steal people’s money under the guise of “self publishing.”

And the poke. WTF?

Okay, maybe I am complaining. Actually, as I read this, I realize I’ve come dangerously close the whining.

But I don’t have time to change anything. I have to go update my “status” page.

Unsettling Self-Revelations Gleaned on Facebook

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by Michelle Gagnonfacebook

Normally, I ignore about three-quarters of the stuff that arrives in my inbox from social networking sites. Don’t get me wrong, I’ll friend pretty much anyone, and love reading people’s updates. But a lot of it is just downright puzzling, and frankly I don’t have time to garden, be a pseudo-vampire, or poke people (the pokes! Good God, the pokes! I’m never sure what the point is. If they were real instead of virtual I’d seriously be black and blue.)

But I’ll confess, I was swept up in the latest Facebook craze. You’ve probably heard of it, the "25 Things About Me" lists. I thought it was an interesting concept, along the lines of the "six word memoir" (my friend Lisa’s was great: "I always thought I’d be taller.") So I jumped on the proverbial bandwagon, and in the process learned some rather disturbing things about myself. Here, then, is the list of "unsettling self-revelations gleaned while composing my 25 things list." (not a very punchy title, is it?)

  1. I have what some might term an unhealthy preoccupation with food. In fact, unless I’d exercised some restraint, nearly all of my 25 things could have been food-related, from likes to loathes. As it stands, I managed to keep it to four. But the original list? Twenty out of twenty-five.
  2. I might possess a somewhat-inflated self-image. For example, I’ve always suspected that given a few weeks training, I could hustle pool. And that I’d make a great spy. This from a person who can’t hold a gun without trembling.
  3. Although I don’t gamble, 3 out of the 25 are gambling-related. Helloooo, Vegas.
  4. Many of them turned out to be things not so much about me, but about who I’d like to be, or what I’d like to be able to do. Which is kind of depressing when you think about it.

So I’m curious to hear what others think about this navel gazing. Of course, no sooner had I posted my list than one of my gracious friends kindly forwarded me this sardonic take on such lists. Thanks, Ian. Now I feel much better about the half hour dedicated to composing it.

My challenge this week: let’s hear those six word memoirs. Here’s mine: "Years of constant rejection, one success."

And for anyone who is curious, I give you…my 25 things:sushi

1. I loathe salmon. And no, you can’t prepare it in a way that I’ll actually love it. Many have tried. None have succeeded.
2. Also, not a fan of sushi. I still can’t figure out when it switched from being weird to eat raw fish, to being weird not to.
3. I still hold the Rhode Island State JV High Jump record.
4. I have an unpublished first novel that is self-indulgent and horrible and will never see the light of day.
 goat 5. I love goats. If I ever have a farm, I want a whole herd of fainting goats.
6. I’m a Unitarian Universalist.
7. I have an Irish passport.
8. I never get tired of watching the original Star Wars film.
9. I eat cheese every day.
10. I have a Mixology degree
11. I’ve always wanted to be able to do a back handspring
12. I’ll watch anything with Jackie Chan in it. Love those out-takes.
13. I once lived in Cleveland Heights, OH.
14. Despite numerous attempts, I never managed to finish reading Moby Dick.moby dick
15. I’ve always wanted to be a pool shark. But I’m terrible at the game.
16. I don’t gamble.
17. I can never remember what beats what in poker.
18. I smuggle my own popcorn into movies, since what I make is infinitely superior to the sorry excuse they serve.
19. I always thought I’d make a great spy.
20. I own a set of commemorative Elvis plates.
21. I recently got hooked on Sudoku. But I’m terrible at it.
22. I never studied calculus.
23. The only class I ever failed was ballet in college. Because I thought I’d dropped the class, never went, then discovered when grades came out that I was, in fact, still enrolled.
24. I once sang in a gospel choir. Even though…
25. I can’t sing.

and a bonus one…

26. I’ve only had gin once in my entire life. Drank nearly an entire bottle during a visit to a friend’s college, spent the night seriously regretting it, haven’t been able to stomach the stuff since. Shame, I know.