Are You Ready for the Word Play Masters Invitational?

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Photo credit: Joshua Hoehnee – Unsplash

By Debbie Burke

@burke_writer

Okay, who’s ready for some word play? Not just any word play but a serious world-class competition: the Word Play Masters Invitational.

Here are the rules:

  1. Take any word from the dictionary.
  2. Alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter.
  3. Supply a new definition.

Drumroll for some past winning entries:

  1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.
  2. Ignoranus: A person who’s both stupid and an asshole.
  3. Intaxicaton: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.
  4. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
  5. Bozone ( n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
  6. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.
  7. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
  8. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn’t get it.
  9. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
  10. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)
  11. Karmageddon: It’s like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it’s like, a serious bummer.
  12. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
  13. Glibido: All talk and no action.
  14. Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
  15. Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you’ve accidentally walked through a spider web.
  16. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
  17. Caterpallor ( n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you’re eating.

~~~

There’s a variation of the contest—take a common word and redefine it. The following entries are past winners:

  1. Coffee, n. The person upon whom one coughs.
  2. Flabbergasted, adj. Appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.
  3. Abdicate, v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
  4. Esplanade, v. To attempt an explanation while drunk.
  5. Willy-nilly, adj. Impotent.
  6. Negligent, adj. Absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.
  7. Lymph, v. To walk with a lisp.
  8. Gargoyle, n. Olive-flavored mouthwash.
  9. Flatulence, n. Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.
  10. Balderdash, n. A rapidly receding hairline.
  11. Testicle, n. A humorous question on an exam.
  12. Rectitude, n. The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
  13. Pokemon, n. A Rastafarian proctologist.
  14. Oyster, n. A person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.
  15. Frisbeetarianism, n. The belief that, after death, the soul flies uponto the roof and gets stuck there.
  16. Circumvent, n. An opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.

Want more? Here’s a collection of winners from the past decade.

~~~

Now that you’ve flexed your vocabulary muscles, are you itching to enter the competition yourself? Here’s the 2021 submissions page.

Photo credit: Emmanuel Ikwuegbu – Unsplash

But wait a sec…TKZ has many talented  Wordmasters and Wordmistresses. Why not host our own contest?

[Drumroll] The Inaugural Kill Zone Word Play Invitational Tournament  

Rules:

Post your entry in the comment section. Limit of three entries/person.

The games will be freestyle, meaning you can either:

Take any word from the dictionary; alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter; supply a new definition.

OR:

Take a common word and redefine it.

Judging:

The winners will be determined by the number of “likes” (to vote, click on the thumbs up icon in the comment box). The entry with the most “likes” wins.

Prizes:  

A special trophy was commissioned to commemorate the winning entry.

Presenting THE ZONER

Photo credit: Johnny Briggs – Unsplash

You were expecting cash? A Caribbean cruise? A new laptop?

Uh…sorry. Maybe next year.

Thanks for playing!

This entry was posted in #writers, #writerslife, #writetip, Writing by Debbie Burke. Bookmark the permalink.

About Debbie Burke

Debbie writes the Tawny Lindholm series, Montana thrillers infused with psychological suspense. Her books have won the Kindle Scout contest, the Zebulon Award, and were finalists for the Eric Hoffer Book Award and BestThrillers.com. Her articles received journalism awards in international publications. She is a founding member of Authors of the Flathead and helps to plan the annual Flathead River Writers Conference in Kalispell, Montana. Her greatest joy is mentoring young writers. http://www.debbieburkewriter.com

40 thoughts on “Are You Ready for the Word Play Masters Invitational?”

  1. Good morning, Debbie. Thanks for sharing all of these, particularly “foreploy.”

    All of this puts me in the mind of “The Devil’s Dictionary” by Ambrose Bierce. The Word Play Masters Invitational seems to be one an evolution, albeit indirectly, from that.

    This doesn’t count as an entry…but I heard a story many years ago about a professor at The Ohio State University who on the first day of class told his students that they, at random points during the semester, would be subjected to short spot tests which he referred to as “quizzies.” Sure enough, he presented them a couple of weeks later with an unannounced five-question test that turned out to be quite difficult. A young lady, as she was turning her paper in, said, “If that was one of your quizzies I would hate to see one of your testies.”

    Have a great day, Debbie!

  2. Good morning, Debbie. Wow, you really came up with a fun post. Thanks!

    Entry #1 – Debride – Debbie’s clan who have had all higher function scraped from their brain, rendering them incapable of any useful thinking for writing this morning.

  3. Every day, Dictionary.com (among other sites) posts a Word of the Day. I post it on my Facebook Author Page and the only rule is ‘no real definitions allowed.’ The results are creative and far better than anything I could come up with.
    Today’s word is fustian. Yesterday’s was ambisinister.

    I’d quote some of the definition gems here, but I don’t have the posters’ permission to share them.

    I’m not awake enough to play, but I’ll check back and vote. I know there are plenty of creative minds here at TKZ.

  4. Entry #2 – Tecay – state of decomposition of the brain occurring at “TK” zone today, characterized by victims walking into rooms, then asking themselves, “Why did I come in here?”

  5. Entry #3 – Polygamy – Polly’s private game club with multiple husbands in multiple states.

    Thanks for a fun post. This one should be an annual event. Thanks for trading days with me. And have a great weekend!

  6. Fun post, Debbie!

    Here’s my entry:
    Flume v. When you trip over nothing and flume through the air, landing face-first in front of a crowd of onlookers.

  8. Good morning Debbie. My husband encouraged me to participate in your Word Play Blog this morning. So here goes……

    Entry #1 – Pettigoat- a small minded person

  10. Entry #3 – Testifry – something you want to cook for dinner when you’re at wits end with your mate.

      • Thanks for the welcome Debbie. I didn’t think of it, but Rocky Mountain Oysters fits right in with Testifry. Ha! Ha!

  11. Such a fun post, Debbie. I’m still caffeinating, but I love all the entries here. If something comes to me on a break from editing my WIP, I’ll post it. Otherwise, just enjoying all the lexigraphing going on 🙂

  12. Your word play post got me thinking, Debbie. Is an editor/proofreader actually a typerighter? Yeah, I know. I deserve a big boo for that. Or at least a large groan.

  14. Fun, Debbie! I’ll bite . . .

    LOCOMOTION:

    A motion made at your committee meeting, by an obviously deranged member, which renders the rest of the committee speechless.

    • A good friend uses “flustrated” all the time. I think that word should replace the customary “frustrated” b/c it’s much more descriptive.

  17. Even though I’m late to the game, I love it. I still want to play.

    sinitizer n. Priest who listens to confessions and absolves the person of guilt.

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