Time to Have a Little Fun
Terry Odell

It’s summer. People are on vacation. Escaping the heat. Or trying to. As a diversion, I thought we might take a few minutes to have a little fun.

I confess that I’ve had some fun with the–ahem– “Microsoft” callers because they’re live people.  When they tell me my computer has notified them it’s been compromised, I ask them which computer they’re talking about.  I say I have five. Obviously, if my computer told them it was infected, they have to know which one it is, right? Apparently not. I’ve also lied and told them none of my computers are running Windows.

Emails are a different game. I’m sure I’m not the only one who gets the occasional spam that sneaks past filters. Akismet, which I use on my website, is great. My business email account has very good filters, too.

One of my former personal email accounts let a lot of spam through. Their company philosophy was that deleting spam was comparable to censorship, although they sent most of it to a junk folder. Every now and then, I’d skim through the messages. First, of course, to make sure nothing legitimate had been sent there. Second, because the messages were often sources of amusement, which I’d share to my Facebook page.

One thing we’re told is never to respond to these messages. All that does is prove your email address is valid and opens you up for more spam.

But what if we could? Haven’t you been tempted? How many times has my nonexistent McAfee subscription run out? How many DeWalt power tools have I won? (Although now they seem to be Stanley.)

Have you had the “I’ve accessed your computer and have video proof that you’re watching/participating in porn. Pay me the equivalent of $X in bitcoin by such and such a date/time, or I’ll release them for the world to see” message? I have. More than once.

My “Oh, if only I dared” response would be:

“OMG, I thought I’d lost those videos. Thank you SO much for finding them! PLEASE send them to me ASAP!”

(It’s important to use lots of exclamation points and caps!)

You’re creative people. Your turn to play.

How would you answer if you dared?

Feel free to share your own “pet spam” messages and replies.

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Terry Odell is an award-winning author of Mystery and Romantic Suspense, although she prefers to think of them all as “Mysteries with Relationships.”