We talk about treating the process of writing as if it were a job a job, we talk about quotas, we talk about pressing through to completion on a project. As November approaches, bringing with it the stress of NaNoWriMo to compete with the other stresses of what for many is the most stressful time of year, some of you will be pounding your fingers bloody on the keyboard in effort to produce the 50,000 words that Club Nano has declared to be the goal of the 30-day writing spree.
What we don’t talk about very much is the need to enjoy the ride. It’s important to set goals and achieve them, but it’s also important to cut yourself a break and realize that life happens. If you’re adhering to the adage to treat writing as if it were a job, remember that most desk jobs bring the perquisites of sick leave and vacation time. Meeting a self-imposed deadline is nowhere near as important as attending your kid’s soccer game or giving the puppy a half hour of Frisbee frolic.
If you’re not under a legal contract to produce a work by a date certain, then a date approximate is a fine substitute. Yes, it’s important to plow through the muddled middle to complete your project, but if your February 1 deadline slips to March 15, so what? If you look back on the week and you find that you only wrote 300 words–or no words at all–of your 7,500-word goal, the Earth will remain on its axis. In fact, the world will be a better place if those squandered words paid for a smile from a family member.
I’m not suggesting laziness or sloth. I’m suggesting balance.
Fifteen years ago, more or less, I sat on a panel at Magna Cum Murder in Muncie, Indiana, when the rookie writer to my left–a practicing psychologist, no less–told this room full of aspiring scribes that in order to succeed in the publishing business, you have to be willing to sacrifice everything. Specifically, she spoke of missing family events and vacations. Failure awaited any writer who looks away from their publishing goals even for a moment. When she was done, every molecule of happiness had disappeared from the room as the newbies furiously took notes.
Mine was the next turn to speak, and I started with, “For God’s sake, it’s only a story. We’re not curing cancer here, we’re making stuff up and playing with our imaginary friends. It’s not worth sacrificing any of that. The instant that make believe feels more important than real-life relationships is the instant you need to stop writing and re-evaluate your choices.”
It’s no secret that creative types frequently eat shotguns and down piles of pills. I can’t speak to the reasons behind that, but damaged relationships are often contributing factors. If you’re a spouse, you have a commitment to the relationship you chose. If you’re a parent, you have a commitment to a human being you created. Those come first. Hard stop.
If you’re a teenager or young adult, you have an obligation to yourself to live more of your life out in the word than inside your head. Collect experiences that will serve your writing well into the future.
When you do sit down to write, enjoy the experience and celebrate what you accomplished. Don’t get distracted by what you didn’t do on the page, and instead concentrate on what you did do in the world.
I often get great information from this blog. Once in a while Mr. Gilstrap gives us great wisdom.
Amen and Amen. When we’re on our deathbeds which will be true? I wish I’d spent more time meeting that deadline or I wish I’d spent more time with my family?
Love this, John!
I had to remind myself of this a few weeks ago when I was rushing to speed through the last round of edits so my ARC readers could get the book early.
Halfway through, I thought, What am I doing? Why am I working ten hours days? Let them wait and do it right. They’ll appreciate the time you spent polishing the story, and so will everyone else after the release.
So, that’s what I did. I started over from page one. And the added time shows in the finished project. Sure, it feels great to make a self-imposed deadline, but not at the expense of harming yourself by spending too many hours at the keyboard or ignoring your family and loved ones.
Angsty writers create angsty prose. Readers can sense it.
Thanks, John. Great message.
Perspective and Priorities.
Amen!
“Balance” is the key word in your post, John. Anybody who wants to be a pro at this game knows (as I wrote on Sunday) you have to produce words, because consistent production makes you a better writer and gives you something to sell. We also know there’s a difference between a profession and a hobby. The former requires some duty and occasional sacrifice. The key to balance, in my view, is not to beat yourself up for missing a goal, but also not to allow yourself to become so complacent that it’s a regular occurance.
Definitely go to your kid’s (or grandkid’s) soccer game. But also wake up an hour earlier than usual and write 250 words.
Wake up an hour earlier? That’s crazy talk! I’d rather stay up an hour later.
I’m looking forward to retirement when I can actually spend more than an hour or two a day on my writing. I would not be looking forward to it if I thought it was going to be Day Job Take Two.
When I look at my life, I see a husband who knows me better than anyone but after 45 years he still calls me his Sugar Babe. I see two children, now young, responsible adults who still speak to us, say I love you, and come home for the holidays.
I still dream about writing best sellers, writing screenplays, acting, all the things that are close to my heart and I seem to be good at, but if my only real accomplishments are a loving marriage and family, I’m good with that.
I know several very successful writers who would trade that success for a happier life.
Thank you, John. Balance is critical in all aspects of life, personal, professional, physical, psychological, mental. Esp as the holidays approach, we get off-kilter with things we *must* do rather than embracing the reasons behind the holidays.
Thanks for including young writers in your advice. I know several who write like mad but really don’t have much yet to write about b/c their experience is limited.
Family (including pets, of course) and friends always come first.
Stephen King’s observation in On Writing that “Life isn’t a support system for art. It’s the other way around,” has resonated with me ever since I first read it. When things get too out of balance in my life, with my overweighting writing at the expense of other things, I recall his words. Writing centers me and helps me live my life. There will be times when other things—especially family or friends in need, take precedence, but writing will always be there, waiting. Like Jim noted, there are ways to work it in. Get up early, writing in little batches, take notes, etc.
Everyone will always find the time to do that which they truly want to do.
All I’ve “sacrificed” to make time for writing is watching bad TV shows for 2 hours a night.
No more Law & Order: Tax Assessment Division
or
CSI: Forensic Accounting
Now that’s funny.
I love this, John! So needed to be said, now and into the future.
Here’s an excerpt from my next WIP, which speaks to this topic-and to me.
“I don’t want to see this on my tombstone:
Here lies Deb Gorman—
Daughter, Sister, Wife, Mom, and Grandmother.
We didn’t know her,
And she didn’t know us.
But she always met her word count goal.”
Ouch!
Wonderful advice. Not just for authors, but for everyone in every phase of life.
I love this…
I try to adhere to family time and work time balance. I manage to write two hours a day if that. But in the span of ten years I have three novels.
Thank you so much for putting it all in perspective.
Those stolen hours really do add up over time.
Thank you for your wise words, John. I’ve shared the link on ‘X’ (Twitter)
“–a practicing psychologist, no less–”
In my Psych 101 course, a student asked Dr. Dee if it were true that the psych field drew people who were not quite right upstairs. Dr. Dee affirmed that belief, but added that such people found a measure of healing from their psych courses and eventually dropped out.
But back then, a degree in psych required 40 hours of therapy. Over the years, that’s been reduced to 24 hours, then 12, then 8, and therapy now is only “highly recommended” at some schools. Just as bad, second year MS courses often include group projects where the worst students can do little work, relying on others’ output.
The field is in deep trouble. Freud still rears his coke-fuelled, woman-dissing theories in Psych. Caveat emptor!
“Physician, heal thyself.”
Amen!
I don’t have the energy for balance, nor the capacity to do other things – chronic illness is a bitch – and every day I don’t get to do a bit more of the writing is a loss which I’m not sure I can replace.
The writing keeps me going, keeps me relevant, keeps me interested in the world there is nothing else I can do in.
Without it I’ll be lost.
Tell the young to do more and do the fun things – only the present is guaranteed. But as long as there is life and you CAN do something, writing is a great healer.
Points well made and well taken.
Good points John G.
I realized I have altogether too much on my plate to do NaNoWriMo this year.
Life happens and there is work to get the house and the vehicles ready for winter. So I’m not going to feel guilty about not producing fifty thousand pounds of word vomit.
But what you say reminds me of what I heard from an instructor when I was a 45 year old rookie law student. It was along the lines of “You’ve got to be willing to sacrifice everything and work/bill sixty or seventy hours per week to make it in this business.”
So what? So I could crawl out of the elevator, sniff the leather seats in my BMW and crawl back in for another 20 hour day? I started thinking maybe I was in the wrong business after all.
Your perspective is refreshing. If, in the month of November, I write one or two good short stories I’ll call it good.
Thank you for this! The advice of that psychologist is exactly what I saw fellow writer tell young mothers on a group I belonged to several years back. Most of them had toddlers at home. My response was similar to yours, and I didn’t pull punches on disagreeing with the “expert” telling these women to sacrifice their families for fiction. Children grow up so fast, and there’s NO WAY time with them should EVER be sacrificed for the sake of a job, much less writing. I assured those young mothers that, God willing, there would be time for them to write after their kids are in school or even older. Enjoy their kids now, and enjoy the writing later.
I’ve had to make the same choice in recent years – sacrificing writing time to spend that time with family members (in my case aging parents), and I don’t regret that.
Wise counsel. Agree completely.
Thank you.
Pingback: About That Writing Stuff… | Phil Giunta – Paranormal, Fantasy, & SF Writer
Hi John,
As usual (though seldom with you), I have to demur just a bit. For the full-time professional fiction writer, sometimes the writing (like the job of a plumber or cop or mechanic or carpenter or lawyer) has to take precedence. Writing is a commitment too.
Is it more important to go to my son’s or daughter’s perfomance or ball game or track meet? Sure, sometimes.
Is it okay to not go to estate sales with my bride because a novel is looking like it’s gonna wrap maybe later today if I keep at it? Yes, sometimes.
Absolutes never pass my test of reality. If I would be better off writing (Scott Carpenter’s WIBBOW rule), I do my job and write. Fortunately, my family understands that, just as they would understand when I was a cop or a jarhead I couldn’t leave in mid-shift or come in from a live missile shoot to tend to their needs.
Just as I understood when my wife couldn’t walk out of her job as a medical office manager because I was stupid enough to give myself a self-inflicted wound across a knuckle (to the bone) with a knife while pulling it toward me during a project. I drove myself to the hospital, called her from there and allayed her fears, and she showed up a few minutes after her workday ended.
It’s all a matter of balance and priorites. Yes, we made a commitment, but we also trust in each other’s judgement and, as they say, do what we gotta do.
I write pretty much 7 days a week. I never received (or sought) a life-changing advance for any of my work, though I’m glad you did and I wouldn’t turn it down. But I write that much and that often because I enjoy writing. I also take time out to do little things with the family, and we’re all happy.
Just because I work from my office near my home (about 150 feet) doesn’t mean I don’t love them or want to be around them or my commitment to them is slipping. It only means I’m at work.
Which I guess is a long-winded way to say Different Strokes.