One of the questions that every published writer faces from time to time goes something like this: “Does it ever get easier after you’ve published your first book?”
The whole-truth form of the answer is yes, it does get easier, but not in the ways that people might expect. The pressure never eases to produce a compelling story with interesting characters doing important things in interesting ways. There’s no quarter for bad writing, flat storytelling or indulgent rants. The mechanics all need to be there, and, I would argue, the bar for excellence only increases from book to book.
The confidence factor is where things get easier, I think. I now realize that somewhere around page 200 in a book, I’m going to feel totally lost and I’m going to conclude that the only way to successfully end the misery is to give the book a ride in the shredder. Having walked the walk 20 times now, however, I also know that somehow, I’ll figure it out. The panic evaporates and the story resolves itself.
Yeah, but what if I can’t? When creativity meets cockiness, a lot of bad things can happen.
September 15 has been my submission deadline every year since 2009. Every year. I’ve posted before about how much August sucks for me as I binge-write for 10-hours a day trying to bring the story in under the wire. It’s total madness in the Gilstrap household during the month of August and the first half of September.
Beginning five or six years ago, my lovely bride, Joy, landed on an antidote for the madness: An exotic vacation that begins on September 16. Two years ago, it was two weeks in Scotland, last year it was two weeks in Nova Scotia and Newfoundland, and this year, as I write this post, we’re beginning our second week in Portugal. The upshot of this, of course, is that with tickets bought and deposits put down, blowing my deadline is not an option.
Next year’s Jonathan Grave book is called Hellfire. I clicked Send to launch the manuscript five hours before our plane left Dulles Airport. I wrote it, read it and liked it, but was that because it was good or because I needed to like it?
This is where the insecurity always lives on. My agent and my editor had copies, and all I had to do was wait for the results.
After a week, I had hear nothing from either. If it was terrific, they’d tell me right away, right? But they knew I was on vacation. If they hated the story, they would say nothing, right? They’d let me enjoy the trip before ruining my day. Right?
A whole week passed without any word. What the hell?
As of yesterday, I couldn’t take it anymore. I sent an email to my agent telling her that the silence was killing me. She wrote back almost instantly with the news that she loved the book, but was terrified that Joy would kill her if she interrupted our vacation with a work email. Then I heard from my big honkin’ New York editor, who told the same story. Loved the book, scared of my five-foot-three bride. Now, that’s respect!
The takeaway, though, is that I can now have a nice vacation.
And next year, I have every confidence that the paranoids will come hunting for me once again.
What say you, TKZers? Can you keep your paranoids in the closet where they belong?
Great post, John.
I recently encountered an epiphany when I hit a writing slump of sorts: I wasn’t worried. I *knew* I’d emerge when it was time to emerge, the words would still be there, the story would move along nicely, etc.
In other words, I am no longer hit with “But what if I can’t (or what if the story doesn’t)?” because I know I can and the story will.
And you’re right. It isn’t “creativity meets cockiness,” it’s creativity meets calm professional confidence. It’s trust in yourself, your knowledge of the craft and your abilities.
If I ever got permanently rid of the paranoids, I’d be paranoid about why they didn’t come. 😎
I don’t have enough tomes under my author belt to have an opinion yet, or to be able to offer any prophecies about how my next story will go, but I sure liked your post, Mr. Gilstrap.
It’s encouraging for one with her foot still poised over the fourth step in the published book ladder to hear a voice from up top saying “keep climbing, the air’s fine up here; and BTW, we all suffer from the same fears.”
I’ve said it before. Y’all are great and I never miss a post. 🙂
I think a little paranoia keeps us striving to writer better and on the other hand, too much confidence will affect our writing in the wrong way. What’s needed is a balance between chewing off all of our fingernails and popping the Champaign cork before all the final edits are made. For me, I find distraction in other things, like painting or starting another book, anything that will keep my mind too busy to worry about how the manuscript will be received – until that moment when I hear, “I read your book”, followed by that awful pause before the fateful judgement. I don’t think I’ll ever get past the paranoia that invokes.