When The Moment Came, I Couldn’t Do It

By John Gilstrap

Maybe I’m losing my edge. Maybe I’m just getting soft and doddering in my old age, but it’s not the kind of thing that happens to me. I let the character live.

Actually, it’s worse than that. I couldn’t bring myself to kill him. I mean, he was supposed to die. The next chapters were going to work because Jason was dead. I’d made him a point of view character for a couple of chapters so readers would feel pain with his loss–we call that drama in my line of work–and I’d given him a fine, heroic final few moments.

But when the paragraph came that Jonathan Grave was supposed to witness him die, he instead discovered a pulse. Which is a real pain in my butt because instead of just walking away from the body and moving on with the story, Jonathan and his team have to figure out what to do with a critically wounded innocent.

Did I mention that Jason was fourteen years old? Okay, that played into my decision.

Here’s the thing, though: Actions have consequences. Not only have I stumbled into an unexpected twenty-page diversion and new plot point, but that plot point somehow has to pay off down the road as I race toward my April 15 deadline. That’s a lot more work.

And, now that I look back, that looming prospect of a lot more work might have been pushing me to lean more on the side of letting the kid die. Yes, it would have been dramatic, but it also would have felt like a bit of a betrayal of my brand. Fictional heroes save lives, they don’t walk away from corpses. Readers don’t buy my books with the anticipation that I’m going to take the easiest route for myself as an author, but rather with the anticipation that I’m going to squeeze as much drama and excitement out of as many scenes as I can create.

These past few weeks, I have been tired, conflicted, and way too busy. It’s been hard to concentrate on my writing–or anything else for that matter–for more than just an hour or two at a time. When that happens, it’s easy to become tempted by shortcuts. I know I’m preaching to the choir here because many of you have jobs and kids and a dozen simultaneous obligations that make your writing time difficult and fleeting.

When those times come, I urge you to remember to trust your creative gut and do the right thing.

I started this post by lamenting that maybe I had lost my edge, but now I know that’s not at all the case. Quite the opposite is true, in fact. I discovered that my edge is sharp enough to not let me make a mistake that I would regret later.

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About John Gilstrap

John Gilstrap is the New York Times bestselling author of Zero Sum, Harm's Way, White Smoke, Lethal Game, Blue Fire, Stealth Attack, Crimson Phoenix, Hellfire, Total Mayhem, Scorpion Strike, Final Target, Friendly Fire, Nick of Time, Against All Enemies, End Game, Soft Targets, High Treason, Damage Control, Threat Warning, Hostage Zero, No Mercy, Nathan’s Run, At All Costs, Even Steven, Scott Free and Six Minutes to Freedom. Four of his books have been purchased or optioned for the Big Screen. In addition, John has written four screenplays for Hollywood, adapting the works of Nelson DeMille, Norman McLean and Thomas Harris. A frequent speaker at literary events, John also teaches seminars on suspense writing techniques at a wide variety of venues, from local libraries to The Smithsonian Institution. Outside of his writing life, John is a renowned safety expert with extensive knowledge of explosives, weapons systems, hazardous materials, and fire behavior. John lives in the Eastern Panhandle of West Virginia.

8 thoughts on “When The Moment Came, I Couldn’t Do It

  1. Nice topic!
    I think that’s the mark of a veteran writer: the ability to feel (even if it’s only instinctively at first) the critical moments of choice in writing.
    Obviously, what one chooses to do after that moment also marks their talent as a writer, but that crucial moment of awareness is the key.

  2. John, you made the right choice. Your gut is smarter than external pressures on you, like the deadline.

    I learned that lesson with my last book. An arbitrary self-imposed deadline almost made me put it out before it was ready in spite of that nagging little voice from my solar plexus. Fortunately a friend made me realize what I knew but didn’t want to acknowledge.

    I have no doubt you’ll take good care of that kid and meet your deadline.

  3. Yep you are going to need an extra chapter or two. But you have a 14 year old who can pop in and out of the story as needed.

  4. “I urge you to remember to trust your creative gut and do the right thing.” Thanks for this advice, John. It can be tempting to ignore that little “do the right thing” voice sometimes.

    It’s interesting that you wrote about decision-making. My post next Monday is titled “Bad Decisions,” but it’s not about the author’s decision-making.

  5. But when the paragraph came that Jonathan Grave was supposed to witness him die, he instead discovered a pulse.

    John, I think the above is also an apt description of you finding the pulse of your story. I’ve read all of your JG stories…and I can say as a reader, I might have been disappointed had you gone the other way. You did indeed make the right choice.

    Have a great day!

  6. There’s a saying in romance writing, “Don’t kill a perfectly good hunk.” Usually, that hunk will be the romance hero in a future book, or your subconscious has a use for him later. Your subconscious knows this kid has a use later, or, maybe, you sensed that killing him would make him the most hated of all deaths by readers, “being fridged.”

    A fridged character originally was a woman who dies just to give a male character motivation to move forward in the plot. It has since become any character who dies just to motivate the heroes. In the first AVENGERS movie, Agent Colson is murdered by Loki, and Fury uses his death to bring the superheroes together as a cohesive team.

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