by James Scott Bell
@jamesscottbell
So we’re off and running into 2025. We’ve had some discussions of goals and resolutions, as is to be expected. Today I want to talk about something else—New Year’s diminutions. The things you should resolve to do less of in your fiction. Here are three.
- Ditch Marshmallow Dialogue
Check this exchange:
“Hello, Becky.”
“Hi, Kelly.”
“So, how is everything at home?”
“Oh, you know, the same.”
“I do! I totally know about that. It’s like that at my house, too!”
“Really?”
“Really.”
“It’s good to know I’m not alone.”
“Yes it is. Awfully good.”
“Well, listen, I’ve got something to tell you.”
“Really? I’m all ears.”
Unfortunately, at this point readers are not all ears. If they’re not asleep, they are wondering why they are bothering with this story.
Dialogue without conflict or tension is squishy and sweet.
Like a marshmallow.
Marshmallows are for hot chocolate and S’Mores, not fiction.
There is no sign of trouble anywhere in these lines. This is the kind of talk that goes on every day in countless coffee houses and kitchens, bus benches and laundromats. It’s the talk that comes out of people without any care or worry at the moment of speaking.
Or, if they are worried, are good at hiding it.
Which is precisely the kind of talk we don’t want in our stories.
We want care. And worry. And we want to see it, or at least sense it.
Make sure all the characters in your book, from the majors to the minors, have both an agenda, even if it’s as simple as (as Vonnegut suggested) getting a glass of water. Put agendas in conflict. Boom. No more marshmallow dialogue.
- Avoid the Expected
What makes a novel boring? I think the answer is easy: the reader expects something to happen, and it does. There is no surprise, no intriguing turn of events. And the characters are all out of the stereotype casting office. We’ve seen these people and this story before!
So try this:
Pause every now and then and think about your plot. Ask yourself what the average reader would expect to happen next. What are the stereotypical story tropes that immediately spring to your mind?
Take your time. Then ponder the list. All you have to do now is take the most obvious turns and do something different, maybe even the opposite of what’s expected.
When writing a scene, I always try to put in something unexpected. This can be as big as a new character or as small as a line of dialogue that is makes a reader think, Why on earth did she say that?
- Fumbled Flashbacks
The first question to ask about a flashback scene is, Is it necessary? Be firm about this. Does the story information have to come to us in this fashion?
A flashback is almost always used to explain why characters act a certain way in the present story. If such information can be dropped in during a present moment scene, that’s usually the better choice.
Be very wary of starting your novel in the present and going too soon to flashback. If the flashback is important, you should consider starting with that scene as a prologue or first chapter.
These are guidelines. In the hands of a good writer, a gripping first chapter, followed by a compelling flashback, can work—see the first two chapters of Lee Child’s Persuader for an example.
If you’ve decided that a flashback is necessary, make sure it works as a scene––immediate, confrontational. Write it as a unit of dramatic action, and not as an information dump. Not:
Jack remembered when he was a child, and he spilled the gasoline on the ground. His father got so angry at him it scared Jack. His father hit him, and yelled at him. It was something Jack would never forget . . . [and more of the same]
Instead:
Jack couldn’t help remembering the gas can. He was eight, and all he wanted to do was play with it.
The garage was his theater. No one was home. He held the can aloft, like the hammer of Thor. “I am the king of gas!” he said. “I will set you all on fire!”
Jack stared down at the imaginary humans below his feet
The gas can slipped from his hand.
Unable to catch it, Jack watched as the can made a horrible thunking sound. Its contents poured out on the new concrete.
Jack quickly righted the can, but it was too late. A big, smelly puddle was right in the middle of the garage.
Dad is going to kill me!
Jack looked around for a rag, anything to clean up the mess.
He heard the garage door open.
And saw his dad’s car pull into the driveway.
A well written flashback scene will not detract from your story. Readers are used to novels cutting away from one scene to another. They will accept a cut to a flashback if it is written with dramatic flair.
My “rule” of thumb is: One flashback scene in a novel is enough.
Over to you. What do you want to avoid in your own writing?
Carpe Typem in 2025!
(This post adapted from 27 Fiction Writing Blunders—And How Not to Make Them!)
Well I want to say I’d like to avoid writing imperfect stories but seeing as I will be learning for a lifetime, that’s a rather tall order.
The good news about marshmallow dialogue is that while you may have that fluff in your first draft, it’s usually easier to eradicate that issue in edits, compared to some of the other writing pitfalls.
I’d like to avoid illogical conclusions in my stories. I’ve come to appreciate mysteries much more in the last few years once I started writing the first one of my own. Mysteries are much easier to watch/read than they are to write. That process of pulling clues and reveals together for a satisfying conclusion of the mystery can be tricky. When you are pulling several story threads together in that genre, you don’t want the reader to feel cheated in the resolution. But that challenge is what makes mystery writing fun.
One thing I wonder about as I write more mysteries is whether there comes a time when you feel you’ve already tried every clue/scenario there is and that it will all be same-sounding. But then I remember all the Hardy Boys books I read and I was so invested in the characters, it was the characters I remembered more than the actual story lines. Hopefully it will be that way for me in my own work.
You speak true, BK. It is hard to tie up a mystery in a nice little bow, without it seeming like it’s been done before. You are exactly right that it’s the characters that make the difference. That’s the source of infinite variety.
Roger Price once wrote about “Dynamic Avoidance.” There are a few things I’d like to avoid rigorously. Flashbacks, of course. I’ve seen more than one m/s that incorporated a flashback within a flashback. And, if there’s anything worse than “marshmallow dialogue,” it’s allegedly clever banter that calls attention to itself as it endlessly goes exactly nowhere. Another thing I’ve seen lately is the odyssey in the manner of “The Red Violin,” in which the main characters are cardboard cutouts of the same individual. Also irritating is when a McGuffin, or a big secret, or the stakes are inflated in importance but turn out to be trivial when all is said and done.
Yes, that clever banter that goes nowhere an unfortunately feature of the later Spenser novels featuring Susan Silverman.
I need to cut back on “characters alone with their thoughts” but it can be a problem when the character IS alone. And thinking.
That’s something I address in editing passes.
That’s where inner conflict comes in. If I have an alone-thinking scene I put the character into an argument with himself.
“To be . . . ? Or not to be . . . ?”
Thanks for the reminders, Jim. It’s easy to get caught up in marshmallow dialogue in the drafting stage. Need to be ruthless with the delete key on the first read-through.
What will I work on in 2025?
I always try to make research more palatable and easier to understand without info dumping, and I will continue to work on trimming/modifying to suit the scene. Because I write eco/environmental thrillers, up-to-date research about wildlife is a necessary evil but there are ways to include it without sacrificing the plot.
That’s one of the joys of incorporating research, Sue–when you can weave it in naturally and make it seamless, rather than a lecture. Go for it!
I am currently cutting 2 things from my MS before it goes to the publisher- I overuse dialog tags and (not sure if this is the right word) attributions. As in – Lauren shrugged. “You should know,” she said. I can get rid of both the beginning and the end of that sentence/phrase.
I like the occasional action beat. In your example, the first part is fine with me, so long as it isn’t done exclusively. I’ve seen novels that did that, with the authors proud they wrote a whole novel without one “said” in it. Problem is, the action beats wear readers out. They’re forming pictures, subconsciously wondering what that action means. If it doesn’t mean anything beyond telling us who is speaking, it’s a net loss, IMO.
Happy New Year, Jim, and thanks for the list of Avoidables. Things to keep in mind in 2025.
For me, I ‘d like to avoid anything that’s boring. Although there will always be chapters that set up the next scene and let the reader catch his/her breath, I hope the reader will always look forward to the next page.
Have a great year!
That’s the whole secret, isn’t it? Getting the reader to turn/swipe the page! That’s a big slice of the craft right there. Happy cliffhanging, Kay.
Happy New Year, Jim! Like Kay said, this is a great list of things to avoid.
Avoiding, as you so well put it in the book, “letting block tackle” me is my top priority.
In the past month I’ve been working my way back into a smoother writing stride. Daring to write badly when first drafting helps me get into flow. I track words written, with daily and weekly word count goals in mind, and that also helps push the self-doubt out of the way.
Carpe Typem in 2025 and beyond!
Very important what you say here, Dae. Don’t be afraid to write badly! Shut off the inner editor. First get it written, then get it right. Happy drafting, Sir.
Good stuff, Jim.
I was thinking that your first example should start with I’ve got something to tell you…, with a description of the bead of sweat forming on the character’s brow. That’d get my attention!
I looked at the Amazon page for 27 Fiction Writing Blunders—And How Not to Make Them! and noted that you also address other “blunders”, like fear, comparisons, etc.
I have two projects brewing in my brain, but they’re quite ambitious for a newbie. I’ve been thinking of scrapping both of them, but they won’t let me. So, my goal for 2025 is to get on them, but I need to lose the fear that I’m not good enough. It occurs to me that I don’t have to be “good enough”; I just have to start. I’ve identified the first step for one project. It came to me as I was falling asleep last night. And now I’m excited again. 🙂
Happy Sunday!
Stay excited, Deb, and the “good enough” part will take care of itself. Finish one project, then go on to the next. Each time you finish you’ll be a better, stronger writer. That’s a win no matter how you slice it. Cheers!
I’ve always liked Phyllis Whitney’s advice. If your character is folding laundry and thinking, the reader should be aware the killer is behind her.
Love that, Marilynn! Phyllis Whitney wrote one of my favorite craft books. Cheers!
Good advice, as always, Jim.
Thanks, Elaine. Happy 2025 to you.
I gave myself the gift of freedom for Christmas and retired from my day job (still doing theatre).
I’ve been working on finishing the things I’ve started over the years, so I guess I want to avoid not finishing. (That doesn’t read very well but I think you know what I meant).
“Avoid not finishing.” I like it! 👍
I’m glad to see you’re still doing theatre. My local group went dark a few years ago, and the lady who founded it passed on two weeks ago. I need to find another outlet, a company to perform “Shake, Willy,” my latest work, about a fellow who, after being hit by a car, believes he’s William Shakespeare.