For fiction to work–for it to feel right–countless tiny elements have to come together in a manner so seamless that readers are unaware that they are being manipulated. Clues have to be planted and red herrings launched so subtly that they don’t draw attention to themselves. And then there’s pacing–the key to providing all the information the reader needs to know in a way that doesn’t stop the story for a data dump. This can get particularly tricky in the middle of the story, when characters have to reveal details to each other that the reader already knows.
Over the years, I have developed a shortcut technique that I call the “em-dash interruption.” Here’s what it looks like:
Jake strolled into the kitchen, still buttoning his shirt. “Smells good in here. Are we–“
“You left the water on all last night,” Angie snapped. “Now the roses are overwatered, and they’re not going–“
“I’m sorry. I got the call from Aunt Lucy last night and I guess I–“
“You’re always sorry, Jake. I don’t ask you to do a lot around here but every time I do, there’s always something . . .”
He knew the speech by heart. How could he not? They’d had it twice a day since–
“And it has nothing to do with the baby! I know that’s what you think. I know that’s what everyone thinks!”
I just made this up on the fly so you know as much about what’s actually happening in the scene as I do, but the point I’m trying to make is that you don’t need complete sentences to tell a story–especially when the details of the dialogue are secondary to the mood of the scene. In the example, we don’t really care what Angie is cooking or what is going to happen to the overwatered roses or even what Aunt Lucy wanted to talk about. What’s important is the fact that this couple is in crisis and there’s a way to convey the crisis in a snappy way.
Note, too, that I used the em dash to interrupt narrative as well as dialogue. I do that all the time. Here’s an example from Zero Sum, the Grave book to be released next month:
They weren’t upset that his boy had been killed—no, they didn’t give a shit about that. If it had been the original team of agents, they would have—
Wait. Why weren’t they the original team of agents?
Here, we have a character working through a problem in his head, asking questions, testing theories, and the thought process leads the character to have a lightbulb moment (the em-dash interruption of his own thoughts) that leads him to ask a question that is critical to the plot.
I’ve used the same technique to introduce a startling moment for the character. Again, making it up on the fly:
Charlie needed to find himself another job, something better suited to his intellect. Security guard money wasn’t bad but goodness gracious, all he did was wander hallways and rattle doorknobs. Same doorknobs every hour, every night, and always locked. They could hire a trained monkey to do this gig. Hell, they could hire a trained–
What was that? Something made a noise from behind the
Here, we take a couple dozen words to anchor the reader with a character and then zing ’em with an em-dash interruption to jump the story along.
So, what do you think? Does this make sense? The blog entry is a bit short today, because I figured I covered the topic, and–
Wow!
I am a prolific user of the em dash, most often to interject a quick thought or aside in the narrative. Or dialogue. Or anywhere. People don’t think or talk in complete sentences, so that’s how I write.
Not how Shalah had been thinking of it—more like a ball and chain around her ankle—but she returned Ms. Hand’s smile.
An hour and a half later, her head still reeling, Shalah headed to her apartment. She had laundry to do, thermostats to adjust, mail to put on hold, neighbors to alert, find someone to water her plants—her list seemed to grow, not shrink, with each task she accomplished.
“If it’s not too personal,” Shalah said, “can I ask if you and Eva were—”
In my writing classes there is often discussion about punctuation. Not using certain ones like ! Or em dash or ; but I believe proper and variety of punctuation is critical for a good read.
I love to read Stephen King. He uses everything in his stories. Makes reading so much better.
Yes, em dashes are great to vary the flow of dialogue.
This is why I say people in writing classes should only listen with one ear. This is not a craft with hard and fast rules–well-tested suggestions, yes, but no hard rules. Personally, I have a problem with exclamations points, too, but only because they tend to be overused.
Here’s another one, admittedly quirky: I despise single quotes within double quotes. Thus, when one of my characters quotes another character in dialogue, the quoted material is in italics. It might give copy editors nightmares, but no reader has ever complained.
I’m with you all the way on the italics instead of quotes within quotes.
Because I am a techno geek, this is a hyphen – It is in the number pad or next to the 9 on the keyboard. This is an em dash –. You type it by hold down the Alt key and type 0151 for an em dash or 0150 for an en dash. For Mac people, option + shift + dash (-).
Have a great day.
Your formatting must not have come across. One way to know the difference is that an em dash is the length of the letter “m.” One of my favorite punctuation marks!
In Word, you can set things so typing two hyphens automatically converts to an em dash. Much easier than remembering Alt codes for my brain.
Thanks for the guidance, but life if short. Every copyediting guide will tell you that – is a hyphen and that — is an em dash. In Word, the em dash will convert automatically as long as there are no spaces between the double hyphen. Like–this. (Not Word, so it didn’t format.)
Maybe the fact that I don’t have to format my own books makes a difference. I’m permitted a degree of laziness that others are not because of editing steps downstream.
I love my EM dashes. Use ’em all the time. You should see the marked-up pages in my CMoS devoted to them. Also love EN dashes. You know, the ones that—
Are an n dash and hyphen the same thing?
No. The em is for interruptions as described. The en is slightly shorter to be used between dates, e.g., Abraham Lincoln, 1809 – 1865. Or to attribute a quote:
“There are no rules.” – John Gilstrap
The hyphen is shortest of all, to be used to, gasp, hyphenate.
This reminds me of the woman who sued the school district because they couldn’t pronounce her daughter’s name correctly. It was La-a. Um, La hyphen a? Nope. La dash a.
John, as you demonstrate, em dashes show the herky-jerky thought process where a character tries to piece together clues that don’t make sense. They’re also effective when a character is under emotional stress and thoughts are zinging like pinballs around their mind.
Right now, I’m struggling with a scene in my WIP where a character learns her fiancé is dead and her beloved grandfather has been arrested for his murder. Maybe throwing in some em-dashes will help show her conflicted state of mind. Thanks!
I do like to use the em-dash as well, usually in dialog as you so well showed here. I like your examples too of using for showing a train of thought and also for moving the story along. So many ways to dash.
I love Em dashes. Just as the reader falls into the nicely flowing narrative, it’s like giving the reader a little shove to wake up the brain.
Great stuff, John–
I love–what did you say? I was trying to tell you that I love the em dash. Don’t interrupt me again–
Did you hear that? It sounded like–
Yeah–you interrupting me again! Stop–
No! I can’t take any more–don’t do it–
***
I’m pretty sure those em dashes won’t format correctly–but how did I do?
🙂
Love, love, love em dashes. By far, it’s my favorite punctuation mark. And so versatile—to indicate an interruption in speech or thought, for emphasis, or in place of a colon or semicolon. Heck, they can even replace the comma in certain spots.