A gentleman I’ve known for years came up to me at an event a few days ago. “I hear you have a new book out.”
“I do. It released last month.”
“I hope it does well.”
“You and me both, brother.”
“You need to write a book about my Uncle Fred. I told you about him the last time I saw you.” (He did, and to excess). “He’s a character. There’s a whole book in that guy.”
No, there’s not!
My eyes glazed over as he related an event in which his uncle cracked a funny decades ago. When he finished about six hours later and cackled like a loon at the recollection, I managed a friendly grin. “Why don’t you write it?”
“I’m no author. I can sure tell you some great stories about him, though. It’d be a great book.”
No, it won’t.
“A good book needs a lot of things besides a character, like a plot for instance. That’d be a good start, but jot a few things down and maybe it’ll turn into the start of a novel for you.”
He slapped me on the arm. “You bring your pad and a pen the next time and I’ll tell you all the crazy things he’s done.”
I had to speak around a frozen grin. “I bet he’s still doing them.”
“You bet he is! You meet this guy, and you’ll want to write about him!”
Nope.
*
An elderly relative sat down beside me at a family gathering. “I’ve written a book about my life.”
“Good for you!”
“It needs work, though.”
“All first drafts need work. How many words is it?”
“I don’t know. It’s sixty pages, though.”
I forced my eyes not to glaze as the elderly woman told me about how her husband had “gone crazy” and eventually joined a cult. “He tried to kill me several times.”
I’m considering it myself!!!
Instead, I continued to listen as she dug around in the images on her phone. “Here’s a picture of one of the pages. You want to read this?”
You shot photos of your work!!!???
“I’d like you to read my book and help me make it interesting. There’s lot of folks from this town in it, too. It’s the kind of book that’ll help others.”
Good lord! That entire page is one long paragraph and my brain’ll leak out my ears if I try to…
“I’d be careful about naming names.”
“Well, it’s a biography. I can tell the truth. Tell your agent to call me.”
“No, but good luck.”
*
“Let me tell you some stories about my family and you write it down and we’ll split the money.”
“No thanks.”
*
“My whole life has been full of ups and downs. Would you write it for me?”
“No.”
*
“Would you read my manuscript and…”
“No.”
“You’re mean.”
“I’m the boogyman all right.”
*
I’m sure every author has endured similar conversations and requests, or been approached with similar propositions, or someone did their best to get them to write their life story. The truth is, these stories might be interesting because they know the people, or have lived the story, but they don’t have what it takes to become a novel that will interest an agent, editor, or readers.
It’s not right. It’s not wrong. It just is.
*
I bet I’m not the only one who’s been approached like this, but that’s okay. It’s an honor that folks like my writing and want me to tell their stories, except I can’t.
How ‘bout y’all?
OMG, I’ve had lots of people tell me they’re going to write a book, but only one like this. Had a ‘great’ idea for a book. Told me in two minutes and said, “There, now you write it, and we’ll split the profits.”
Yeah, no.
This is one of the things I didn’t expect when I got into this writing career. It’s funny how people think. That’s easy, just write it in your spare time.
“I want you to read my book and clean it up a little, y’know, spelling, grammar.” (“Clean it up a little” translation–it’s a mess.)
“Sure. $60/hour. I figure it will take at least 100 hours.”
“Uh, well, uh, thanks. Bye.”
Haven’t thought about the hourly rate. I’ll have to bring that up next time!
Rev, you could charge a much higher rate than $60. 😉
Debbie, I wouldn’t touch it for $1000/hour.
I too have been approached by people at parties who find out I’m an author and say, “You need to write my life story. It’s guaranteed to be an instant bestseller. Tell you what, you write it, and we’ll split the profits!”
We all have stories to tell. Some are just good for laughs in the living room or around the campfire. I sure takes a lot more to produce a novel than one little anecdote.
I tell them they need to write it so that these wonderful stories won’t be lost to their families. I get the same response you do.
That’s the truth. In retrospect, I wish I’d written down hundreds of stories and events for the family history. Now thery’re gone. I tried keeping a journal, but that was one writing task I could never maintain.
Yep, I’ve had those encounters. I like Debbie+Burke’s response. I’ll use that next time I’m approached.
You bet I’ve had these sorts of offers. I was warned early on that this was a risk, particularly with the “I have this brilliant idea I’ve worked out for a novel and all YOU have to do is write it and we’ll split the money fifty-fifty.” I’ve had that “offer” a few times. I gently urge them to tackle the writing themselves. I don’t usually tell them that the idea is the easy part.
Also, my legit answer these days includes I’m full up working on my own books, which is true.
Lordy, that’s the truth. What with a weekly newspaper column, magazine deadlines, and five manuscripts (one of which is due on November 15), I couldn’t taken on another project to save my life…and what’s already on my plate might kill me.
LOL! I’m glad to get the warning that this is likely to happen. To be honest, I’d never considered it, because in my thinking, it seems foreign to not sit down and write about whatever interests you, even if it’s about happenings in your family, or whatever. It never would have occurred to me to ask someone else to write it.
*Especially* when it’s about people you know–they themselves know the nuances of the people and situations that a stranger could never bring to it.
It’s hard for writers to understand those who aren’t. I’m an idea person who can get it down on papers. Others just have ideas.
I don’t get anyone with family or personal stories, it’s more like the best story idea ever. “You should write a book about a guy who studies Superman movies and finally figures out how to fly. Like for real!” I get this a lot, and it’s no use telling people that if it isn’t my idea, I can’t write it. If any of them clicked, maybe, but most are ridiculous. (If anyone here wants the Superman idea, go for it!)
Two of my sisters wanted me to write a book with them. They’re my sisters, so what am I going to do. The first one was a love story, and she would write the first part and I would write the next part, etc. Every time I put in any conflict, she protested. I told her there has to be conflict, and she said, “But I don’t want any conflict. I just want them to fall in love.” In the end, she got huffy, and said she’d just write it herself. She hasn’t. The other sister was much the same, but her story was letters between two old ladies who had been pen pals since they were teenagers. Chatty letters about their daily lives. No story, in other words. Both of these have caused some hard feelings, because apparently I should have been able to turn their ideas into best sellers. When The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society was published a few years later, it was my fault that ‘we’ hadn’t beat them to it.
Ideas aren’t copyrighted so it’s perfectly legal to use them.
I once had a lady at a conference tell me she “saw” an entire novel in her mind. Setting, characters, dialogue, and a wonderful ending. “I’ll tell you everything word for word and you write it down and we’ll have a book AND a movie.”
Sigh.
As I mentioned above, ideas aren’t copyrighted so you should warn all those people they are giving away those great stories to anyone who is hearing them. Then look around like it’s a spy drama at the crowd around you. And don’t allow that person to drag you away to a quiet corner.
Ugh. This is way too familiar. One lady even sent me voice recordings of her narrating her biography. It made my ears bleed.
My standard response is, “I’ve got enough ideas of my own, thank you. Write it yourself.” What I don’t add is: I’d rather get an ice pick to the eye than write your life story.
I’m not published, but there’s is a certain group of friends that when they bring up my writing I dread it. They always want to suggest plots I should write. Or if I answer the question about what I’m writing they suggest how I should change the plot or characters. I wasn’t looking to brainstorm with them, and I didn’t ask for ideas.
I guess I’m an easy mark. I tell everyone yes. Then I say, “Right now I’m writing a double trilogy. It took me 4 years to write volume one, what can I say, I’m a perfectionist.”
“At that rate, I should finish the final volume in 20 years. So give me a call in the fall of 2043 and we can talk more then.”
I guess I’m an easy mark. I tell everyone yes. Then I say, “Right now I’m writing a double trilogy. Took me 4 years to finish volume one, with all the editing and revisions.”
“At that rate, I should finish volume 6 in about 20 years. So give me a call in the fall of 2043 and we can talk about it then.” I excuse myself, saying I just had an idea to fill a plot hole in my volume 2 and have to write it down before I lose it. Exit stage right.
Oops duplicate. Is there a website admin that can delete the extra copy?