By Elaine Viets
“So there she was, showering naked by the pool,” I said, “and the people in the condo next door complained. A naked old woman wasn’t the million-dollar view they’d paid for.”
I was giving my friend Linda the latest local gossip. A foreign woman, free of Americans’ prudish prejudices, was stripping off her suit and showering naked after a swim. The condo with the unwanted view had registered a complaint with the offending condo.
“How old was the naked old lady?” my friend Linda asked.
“At least seventy,” I said.
“I’m seventy,” Linda said and she was clearly offended. “And while I don’t plan to shower naked in public, I don’t think I’m old.”
Linda is a stylish seventy who wears her blond hair in short spikes. She travels the world, taking cooking classes in France and Italy, and helping Spanish executives improve their colloquial English. Definitely not old. Well, not old old.
“The naked lady is a grandmother,” I added.
“I’m a grandmother,” Linda said. “Twice.”
Now I was backpedaling – fast. “But the naked shower woman was an old grandma, like my grandmother.” (Forgive me, Grandma. You’re the best grandma ever, but you’d be spinning in your grave at the thought of showering naked in public.) “Grandma was a wonderful cook, but she had a figure like a flour sack.”
“Well, if you say so,” Linda said.
I did say so, and now I realized I’d better say it with precision. It’s time writers look at how we portray older people.
Ageism can cost us readers. AARP says “for the next 18 years, boomers will be turning 65 at a rate of about 8,000 a day.” Boomers are big mystery readers and they hate being called old. But how often have you seen people in their sixties called “elderly.” Is Helen Mirren elderly?
I’m guilty of describing an old, unattractive man as “a scrawny seventy.” Keith Richards is scrawny as a plucked chicken wing, but that old plucker is damn sexy.
The term “grandmother” is used to dismiss women as powerless. But globetrotting former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton is a grandma, and she’s aiming for the world’s most powerful office.
Nobody tries to dis George Bush because he’s a grandpa.
Sophia Loren at 79 is gorgeous.
Age is more than a number. It’s attitude, energy and style. When you write, get it right. Don’t settle for the same old cliches.
Great post, Elaine! Agree with all (except about Keith Richards, LOL). Nothing irks me more than to read a newspaper article that calls someone “elderly” in the headline and then in the first paragraph give their age as in their 60s. We writers need to remember that those “elderly” folks are the ones buying most of our books!
Yep, nothing says “sexy” quite like that photo of Keith Richards.
There’s a fellow, Mike Befeler, who writes what he calls “geezer lit.” Titles like Retirement Homes are Murder. I was at Men of Mystery with him a few years ago. The writers got a minute to tell a room about their books. The guy before Mike was a young, noir writer, who described his stuff as being about the city and the seamy underbelly of society, etc. Mike was next, and talked about geezer lit. I was after Mike, and asked him, “In geezer lit, does seamy underbelly have a different connotation?”
Killed the room. Had to. You don’t get many true straight lines like that in this life.
Ahem and however: I don’t think I’ve ever used the term “elderly” to describe a character. It’s what they do and say that matters.
Dead right, Diane. Let’s not insult our readers. For my grandmother’s generation, 65 was way different than it is for the Boomers, and we need to adjust our writing to mirror that.
Great line, JSB, and I’ve read Mike Befeler’s books. They’re hilarious. I hearby promise to avoid using “elderly” in future books. And Keith Richards is sexy — watch him on stage. It’s the energy, man. The energy.
I was re-reading my WIP the other day and realized I had described THREE different young guys as “pimply.” So I guess there is reverse ageism. And lazy writing. :))
Maybe it was measles? Yeah, I’ve fallen into that trap, too.
Keith Richards certainly doesn’t have pimples.
Fun post, Elaine. Thought provoking. Recently I wrote a short novel on a woman in her late 50s whose demure attitude and lack of self confidence made her feel older than her years until she meets a young man who triggers her libido. A fun story to write with a strong message on attitude and aging. Your post reminded me of that story.
Happy holidays, Elaine.
Who’s Keith Richards?
The guy who snorted his dead dad’s ashes. Plus Mick Jagger keeps him around so Mick looks healthy by comparison. It’s a theory.
What’s the story and where can we find it, Jordan? Sounds like a good one.
A publisher bought that story plus two other sexy humorous novels. I’m writing under a pen name and keeping that brand separate from my Jordan Dane books. I’ll send you an email when it’s pubbed. Very different for me, but fun to write. I knew you’d appreciate it.
Poor Wren, you’ve missed one of the planet’s major guitar stars.
Laughs, nah. I know who he is. I was raised by Rolling Stone fans. But it seemed the right moment for that kind of interjection.
Sadly, I don’t have Mr. Bell’s timing. Hehe.
*snort*
Me, either. Lucky you. I was raised by fans of Al Martino.
Good post. My husband is 12 years younger than me.
Lucky you. I was raised by fans of Liberace and Wayne Newton.
Rhinestones and candelabra? And you sound so normal. Well, for TKZ anyway.
I think “aging” is mostly about attitude and health issues. And many health issues derive from diet and accidents. Luck plays a huge role.
Amen, Jim. As my Granny used to say, “As long as you have your health, you’re doing fine.”
At first I thought your post was the opening of a new book . . . maybe it will be. You’ve raised interesting issues . . . if the behavior is only offensive because the person is “too old” (or plump), then the protest is ill-founded. Age is just a number, mean behavior and judgements are . . . and I’m failing to come up with an appropriate word for that . . . I’ve heard some horrific examples of targeting behavior . . .
Hugs and happy holidays.
I think it’s convention, too, Mary. The people in the condo didn’t want to view naked people. Me either. A little too personal, no matter what age.
Being Leprechauns we count age differently than normal humans as we live a little longer than yourselves. For instance, Grandda was already middle aged by your standards, about fifty, when he in youthful exuberance moved to the Americas during the sad days of 1845, and lived on until 1946 when at the still youngish age of 150 he died of natural causes. Natural causes being that if you’re on vacation at the Grand Canyon, and you kiss a magic faerie by the cliffs, and your wife sees you and gives you a big kick that sends you flying over the edge, you naturally will die…even for a Leprechaun.
Amongst my brothers and I. We are very close in age by our own standards as such:
Filii 78
Gnillii 67
Boffin 53
Berthold 46 & 23
Berthold gets counted twice because once at the age of 23 Boffin boffed him on the head and killded him, but Da, who was still living with us then kicked Berthold in the…well a very tender place… and that had the effect of waking him back from the dead as it were. So Berthold was resurrected, but bawled like a baby for half a day and then some and so we thought he was maybe reborn with a baby’s spirit. That day was also the one where he suddenly came back speaking a gazillion languages out of the blue, including Mandarin {who knew oranges had a language their own} and also Boffin got his new name…Boffin. He was originally called Killii.
Age does affect our body shapes like you but different. While we are short, and as some humans would describe ‘pudgy’ (especially Gnillii) the perception of our general stature does not take into account certain specifically particular statures, which would greatly embarrass or jealousify the majority of humans. Let us just say that what a Leprechaun lacks in height of body he makes up for in length of…
Nose!
What Berthold?
Nose! This is a family friendly website, Fillii, so I was just reassuring the readers you were referring to our very large noses!
No, I was actually referring to…SLAP!!
The Children! And don’t forget Mum reads this blog!
Yes, noses. We have particularly large noses. And our women have beautifully large …
Don’t even go there. Mum is coming for Christmas.
Large hearts….yes…large hearts full of love, and kindness and not afraid to use an iron pan for discipline.
Well played.
All of that said, if any normal human was to see any of us, or our women folks, in the nakedness of our God-given suits of clothes, would likely run and scream…because they have no taste.
This time LOL really means that, Basil. Thank you for enlightening us. And I fear your Da’s untimely death really was natural. That would have been been my reaction,too.
I love how we can float effortlessly from discussing seamy underbellies to Sexy seniors to leprechauns here. Makes life feel worthwhile! 😉
My daughter, now 8, said, “You know, old people. Like you, Mama.”
Ha! It’s all in the perspective. 🙂
Denise Willson
Author of A Keeper’s Truth and GOT
Once upon a time I made similar remarks, Denise. I’m old enough to regret them — and hear them said to me. What goes around . . .
Sixty is getting younger and younger as far as I’m concerned. My 72 year-old friend flew to the Phillipines last year then on to China. This year she’s going to Denmark, Scotland and Italy.
I’m looking forward to the burst of energy that must come with that age, Patricia. Seventy-something globe trotters are becoming common.
A lot of this strikes me as whistling past the ol’ graveyard. No offence to Sophia, but she is indeed old. Drop dead gorgeous, but old.
While life expectancy has grown, the odds are pretty solid that most of us will be admiring the wrong side of daisies by age 90. Probably sooner.
So, the first thirty years, you can legitimately claim to be young. Bad news, after that you have, by definition, hit middle age. And if you don’t think so, try raising kids at 25 and 35. That decade gap is huge.
Being charitable, you’re old at sixty. Most people get there early.
For the purposes of writing, I use behaviors to define ages or, in one specific case, used elderly. The POV character was a vibrant seventeen year old athlete. From HER perspective, those ladies in the story were elderly.
Since I only give myself to 75, I’ve already hit the ‘old’ stage. I can still out-work, out-run, out-lift most people half my age, Heck, I can out-sprint the junior high kids I coach. But I could not out-perform my younger self.
I am exquisitely aware of how much I’ve lost. And I am equally aware, and appreciative, of all I can still do. But I am crossing into ‘old.’ And that’s okay
Paul, I don’t get how someone who hits age thirty is suddenly middle-aged, by your definition! That may have been true in the middle ages (pun intended) but today we live far longer than 60! And no, with today’s healthy eating and active lifestyle, sixty-year-olds are not old yet! These days, I’d reserve that adjective for people in their eighties, not their sixties!
Jodie, the average life expectancy is 78.7 years. You mean that the average person dies in middle age? I was being very generous by using 90 as the average, plus it made breaking things up easier. From age group 30-34, the death rate increases by 25 percent, 35-39, 50 percent, 40-44 75 percent. That’s a wicked curve. The rate of growth in the slows at age 50, but you are still 10 times more likely to die than an 18 year old. All numbers from the CDC.
And that is with the healthiest population that the country has ever seen. The next generations will not be (are not nearly) as healthy. They are not eating better and they are not more active. The stats on such things as the obesity rate and exercise rates make that abundantly clear.
But hey, it’s only math and science.
Too bad a lot of editors and publishers don’t see the use of us “older” readers. My editor turned down my latest mystery because my hero/heroine were retired in their early 60’s. (I’m hoping she’s wrong since I’m self-publishing it.) Apparently no one told this youngster that the largest organization in the US is AARP.
Your editor has clearly never heard of Angela Lansbury, either. Or Walt Longmire.
Good luck with the book. Will you send me a link when you get it published? I’d like to take a look at it.
It’s available on Amazon for pre-order. To be released Dec 15: http://www.amazon.com/Last-Breath-Lincolnville-Mystery-Book-ebook/dp/B00QFXTKDY/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1418509507&sr=8-1&keywords=kathryn+j.+bain
Nearsightedness can strike at any age.
People over 60 have more money to spend on books. Good luck with your books.
Excellent post, Elaine! And yes, authors should have more respect for today’s active seniors, who are also avid book-buyers!
I wrote about this issue in children’s books: http://chriseboch.blogspot.com/2012/03/not-all-grandmothers-have-white-hair.html
I lived in Japan for many years (being half Japanese and having family there), and once you’ve been to a community bath house, you won’t have this problem anymore. Try going as a family to one, you, your aunt, your grandmother and her older sister. Everyone seems the same when everyone is naked. 🙂
I hope I’m as young as Linda when I’m in my 70s. 😀
I know people who are in their 50s who ARE elderly. Others in their 70s who are so vibrant you can’t believe they are that old. I’m 65. I can say old. I don’t say elderly except possibly in reference to a certain relative who acts old. I was astounded once last year when some newspaper referred to a crime victim as elderly. She was 55.
I agree she is about attitude and presentation. I am 61 y/o (Yikes!) I still hate to say that number out loud and I’ll be the first to say, I hate being classified as “old.” I don’t feel it (well, maybe some days) and everyday try my best to not look it. Presentation and attitude are everything.