Book Soup

By Elaine Viets
soup1
    Writing a novel is like making soup: We add chunks of our own experience, bits of research, boil it down, season it with imagination. We transform those ingredients into something that we hope is tasty, even nourishing, for our readers.
    In “Fixing to Die,” my new Josie Marcus mystery shopper mystery, I used an old encounter with a bully. Josie has a tween daughter, Amelia. Three mean girls at Barrington School create a Facebook page called the Bitches of Barrington, and put photos of Amelia and three of her friends in doghouse frames. Twelve-year-old Amelia is hurt and humiliated when her classmates see the BOB page. Worse, the other students bark and howl as Amelia and her friends run for their parents’ cars.
FixingToDie
    It’s hard to escape stories about bullying these days. The facts are dreadful. Dosomething.org says some “43 percent of kids have been bullied online and girls are about twice as likely as boys to be victims and perpetrators of cyber bullying. Worse, bullying victims are two to nine times more likely to consider committing suicide.”
    I grew up before kids used computers – and before mean girls had their own movies. Back then, we knew about boy bullies, but nobody thought girls could be, too.
    When I was twelve, I was bullied by a mean girl named Bonnie. She went to public school and I went to St. Sabina Catholic school. Bonnie beat me up on my way home from school. I started taking the long way home to avoid her.
    Now that I’m grown up, Bonnie’s bullying seems ridiculous. But my terror at twelve was real.
    Here’s how I used it in “Fixing to Die.” In this scene, Josie, her new husband, Ted, and Amelia, discuss bullying:
Amelia & Mean Girls
    “Technology has changed the bully business,” Josie said.
    “What’s technology got to do with bullies?” Ted asked.
    “When I was Amelia’s age,” she said, “I was bullied by Bonnie. Skinny girl with straggly hair. Bonnie was a year older and a whole lot bigger than me. She didn’t like that I used what she called ‘big words.’ Bonnie would wait for me about two blocks from school, and punch me in the gut. I started taking the long way home to avoid her.”
    “Did you tell Grandma?” Amelia asked.
    “No. Bonnie said her father was in the Mafia and he’d kill her.”
    Amelia giggled. “You believed that?”
    “Yeah, I was stupid,” Josie said. “Bonnie had a German last name. I don’t even know if she knew any Italians, but she had me shaking in my shoes.
    “Here’s the difference between me and Amelia. Once I was home, I was safe. Bonnie wouldn’t come to my house and nobody else knew about it. Online bullying is there twenty four/seven.”
    Bonnie quit tormenting me when I went to high school. I’ve lost track of her. But the memory of her jabs to the gut stayed with me.
everlast-laceless-boxing-training-gloves
Here’s the good thing about being a writer: No experience is ever wasted, no matter how painful.

30 thoughts on “Book Soup

  1. We used to warn students that today’s “nerd” might be tomorrow’s boss. Perhaps we should have added “or author” to that warning . . . and yes, I do LOVE to see bullies getting a bit of what they deserve. I’m remembering reassuring the father of a student suspended for socking a bully (because of zero tolerance for fighting) that I was quite sure his grades wouldn’t suffer, certainly not in my class, and almost certainly in all others. I also privately told the young man that I was proud of him . . . oh yes! (so much for my efforts toward pacifism).
    I also had to change my route home to avoid a girl determined to fight. My siblings protested, “Mom said to go this way.” I promised to explain the change to Mom . . . I just recently realized that the mom network was probably the reason that girl never bothered us again.

  2. It’s a hard thing to deal with. Sometimes standing up to someone is more than difficult, but nearly impossible. Glad to see you were able to turn this into a positive. Poor Bonnie! ; )

  3. I taught all of my children that they were never to start a fight but that they could use any means available to finish one. My younger son, after being shoved and struck on the playground in fifth grade, overwhelmed the bully and stuck him nose first into a water puddle and held him there. No problem from the bully or from anyone else after that. My younger daughter had a different problem…an ex-boyfriend at school started calling her “bitch,” as in “get out of here, bitch,” “no one wants you around bitch.” I found out about it from one of her friends and visited the wayward lad after school and explained to him in front of his friends and in words of one syllable the error of his ways. No more problem. I discovered long ago that standing up to a bully isn’t difficult, not when you consider the alternative. ?Just be prepared to do whatever you need to do, and do it.

    • Funny how when you confront bullies, they turn into wimps, Joe. And good for you for going to bat for your daughter. I know fathers are supposed to do that, but not all of them do.

    • Joe–
      Would that things were so simple and sane. But from coast to coast, the country is awash in bullies whose parents–sometimes both of them–or grandparents, etc., are lawyers. This means doing “whatever you need to do” has become more complicated.

  4. Yeah, Joe. Whaddaya gonna do, eh? The kid’s probably having nightmares about you to this day. You can only hope, eh?

    “Oh, doc, help me please. It was that awful man in the tiny hat again. And I was sooo scared.”

    I’ll be laughing about that one all day. Grazi!

  5. I encountered bullies in junior high, and incorporated some of that memory into A KILLER WORKOUT. A friend of mine from those days read the book and said it summoned up the pain of those days for her. I wonder what one of the former bullies would think, reading it? Probably wouldn’t recognize herself–people seldom do! Great post, Elaine!

  6. I had a boss – not a bully, just a boss – who had tremendous technical abilities in our field and zero people skills. He wasn’t evil, he just had no business managing people. In my latest WIP I used his first name for the name of a tavern where the taciturn bartender (who might be the owner, or might just be an employee) snarls at everyone and ignores customers. It felt good.

  7. This is a timely topic. How horrible that kids use the Internet in this nasty and mean way. I had a self-centered colleague in my first job out of college. She liked to get all the attention, but I wasn’t impressed. She didn’t attack me physically but she did things like making fun of me that hurt. As you say, we can resurrect those feelings in our writing.

  8. It is a timely topic and I’m so glad that my childhood wasn’t spent dodging Internet bullies like the heroines of your novel. However I was bullied in elementary and junior high. Later I learned that one of those bullies had a 2-year-old at home (we were in sixth grade). Years passed and I saw her walking down the street. She looked almost twice my age. It wasn’t a good thing.

    Time does have a way of catching up with you, but I agree, when it’s happening, it’s terrifying.

  9. I’m extremely glad I grew up before the Internet age, Angie. Missed the cyber-bullying. Also missed all the stupid stuff I did being captured on cell phones.

  10. I teach high school so I see the effects of bullying all the time, and it sickens me. All bullies are cowards, so I know if I tried to put some of these worthless little scabs in their place, they’d just run home to mommy and daddy and complain, but someone needs to let them know just how insignificant they are when they bully people.

    Good for you for tackling a subject like that in your book. God knows, the more light is shed on the problem, the better.

  11. Good teachers often have their hands tied, Jake. A lot of bullies get away with their bad behavior because their parents defend their little darlings.

  12. Great post, Elaine! I so feel for those poor kids today who are the victims of cyber-bullying – and too many of them end up as suicide victims! Just tragic.

    • It is tragic, Jodie. We had a bullying suicide in Florida. And your remark about bullying children grow up to be bullying adults is way too true. The mother of one of the girls who bullied the Florida girl into suicide has been charged in her death. Tragic.

  13. So sorry you endured a bully like that. Glad you’re able to channel it into your novels. I too had encounters with bullies. I was the kid who wore crooked eyeglasses that were taped in the corner.

    Much to say:

    Queen Bees/Wannabees: Seems that women and girls are doing more bullying, online and at schools. I hear horror stories. I’m stunned by the vitriol I see on mommy blog sites and book review sites. Tough book reviews, sure, honesty, that’s good. Can’t improve without someone giving it to you straight. But there’s a difference between critical thinking, (deceased film critic Gene Siskel was terrific at film reviews, eloquent and biting – his observations elevated discussion, right?) — versus a personalized, sneering attack. After awhile, these poisonous reviews lose their credibility and any potential significance. Certainly doesn’t foster lively debate.

    Women Don’t Support Each Other: Many articles in Forbes, NYT, on how female executives hold other women back in the workplace. I’ve been on the receiving end of this behavior, can’t tell you – how many women have told me, “I’d rather work for a man than a woman.” So sad, because I’ve been so pro-woman, a feminist.

    Narcissism: Jean Twenge has done a ton of research in this area, estimates that 25% of young people will develop narcissism before the age of 65. Narcissists want admirers, followers – and don’t feel empathy. Look at the proliferation of reality shows, emphasis on externals – looks, wealth, diva snits, friend betrayals and banality. More bullying.

    Social Media obsession: “Oh, I’ll tweet this about myself!” The me-me-me-ing is unhealthy, study after study confirm that volunteerism and being altruistic is good for the soul – and produces happier people. When you’re self-obsessed, it’s easier to bully, because you don’t rate others as important as yourself.

    Self-Esteem Movement: The now-deceased George Carlin spoke caustically on this subject. Talk about on-target. For me, when you “earn” an achievement – it means so much more. When you work hard at something and you finally get results, e.g., getting a book contract after years of toiling anonymously – feels gratifying. And it humbles you along the way, usually you have gratitude when you’re suddenly blessed. Being handed some medal just for participating – reminds me of the Pixar “Incredibles” line: “If everyone is super, no one can be.”

    Parents Aren’t ‘Friends’: There is a really terrific book on parenting by two Canadian researchers, “Hold Onto Your Child,” about our “peer-oriented” culture, and how this also contributes to bullying. The authors point out… we used to have a vertical family structure to family – grandparents – parents – peers. All three generations interacted, and the elders passed along valuable lessons. As our culture becomes so youth-oriented, aging is seen as a federal crime, as repulsive, so peer relationships are everything. But peers can be mean and cannot offer wisdom of experience (or) unconditional love. Many parents, eager to have their children be the ‘cool kids’ push for peer interaction and they’re busy working, so kids pick up cues from peers more than their folks. When a “prized” peer targets a kid who’s desperate to fit in – she or he can become suicidal, feel they are defective. Ergo, social structure becomes horizontal, (peer-oriented), not vertical. This results in a peer-oriented culture where people don’t grow up, they’re socially immature – look at how ubitiquous the crude Peter Pan movies are, (Adam Sandler, Judd Apatow films, even though some bring gut laffs). And people being more immature – and celebrating their immaturity — results in road rage, bullying, impatience, and “I want it now,” and “I’m more important than you are, get out of my way.”

    Teaching empathy: I am struck by the “character building” posters I see in grade schools on up… character used to be taught almost exclusively at home, and parents reinforced empathy.

    Sorry to be so long – this strikes a nerve with me. Thanks for posting.

    • No, thank you, Cheryl, for your thoughtful and insightful comments. You managed to cover the whole spectrum of bullying. I’ve worked for those queen bee bosses. They made my working life sheer hell.

  14. Loved your post, Elaine. Life’s experiences definitely filter into books, if the writer is willing to bleed on the page and examine the emotion.

    People only bullied me once. I had a temper that had me opening a 55-gallon drum of whoop ass on them. My anger made me like the incredible hulk, minus the green skin. But a vivid memory about one bully inspired my YA book IN THE ARMS OF STONE ANGELS. I’m Hispanic but don’t look it. A so-called friend of mine forgot that when she picked on a little sweet Hispanic girl with dark skin in my elementary school yard. I never knew who I was until I stepped between them and told my friend she’d hsve to go through me if she wanted to punch this girl and I had my fists balled, ready to pummel those blue eyes of hers. I dropped her ad a friend, lost all respect for her, but discovered how proud I was of being Hispanic. It turned out to be a defining moment in my life.

    But one thing I learned about the bully changed how I thought of her later after I’d found out she was being sexually abused by her father for years. She was convicted of being behind her father’s murder (and the attempted murder of her mom) when she convinced a younger guy to shoot them in their sleep. She was a few years older than this boy who was s teen. There is a lot more to this story and many of my experiences with her have ended up in my books. Your post reminded me of her.

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