King Sisyphus, according to Greek mythology, was an unfortunate soul who was condemned by the gods to forever push a giant boulder up a mountain, only to watch it roll back down the next day. For the rest of eternity, he was doomed to push, fail, and then repeat his task.
Sometimes the writing process can seem Sisyphean: “endless and unavailing, as a labor or a task.”
We write, rewrite, are dissatisfied with the results, tear up our writing, and then repeat, only to face rejection. It can appear to be an endless loop of failure.
But appearances can be deceiving. Sisyphus never gave up on his task. And, as the best writers know, neither do we give up on writing. In fact, I would argue that the more dissatisfied and self-critical we become, the better we become as writers.
Over the years, I’ve watched many newbie writers toil in critique groups. They start out wide-eyed and breathless–they bring pages each week, eager to show them off to what they’re certain will be group acclaim. A year later (if they stick with it), their eyes have lost their glow. They bring in pages, hungry now for magic words of advice which will point out what is wrong with their writing, and how to fix it.
Fast forward another year; they’re still bringing in pages, but they’re no longer expecting praise or instant cures. Their expressions have become grim and vaguely haunted. They already know what’s wrong, and they’re struggling mightily to self-correct. They are writing, revising, tearing up what they’ve written, and repeating. They may even have gotten a rejection or two from agents or magazines, but they’re still going.
They have become writers.
I suppose each of us has our own reasons for pushing through this difficult process known as writing. I’m suspicious of writers who claim that being a writer is like living in Happyville, or that they’re driven by a compulsion that they just can’t help. Some of the most successful writers I know are miserable, neurotic wretches. Usually, they are the most miserable when they’re on deadline.
Personally, I keep going because I like having written. I do not specifically “love” writing. Writing is difficult. Writing is never truly finished. Pick up anything you wrote more than a year ago, and you will find issues with it. If what you wrote has already been published, you will feel a pang of regret. I have been known to edit my writing as I’m reading it at a bookstore before an audience.
What makes you keep writing when things seem tough? And if everything is easy for you and you dwell in Happyville, feel free to share, even though I will resent you.
Kathryn, you and I are so on the same page. Writing for me is hard work. I have extreme short-term memory loss when it comes to writing. I forget how good I feel to have written. But at the end of a writing day, it is close to euphoric.
K-
I appreciate your honest, revealing and astute post.
Chicken or egg?
Is it writing that moves some towards miserable, neurotic wretch-dom or is it that writing provides a limitless challenge for those of us that are are unavoidably drawn to Sisyphysean endeavor?
“miserable, neurotic wretches” made me laugh… hopefully not the maniacal cackle of one driven over the edge of MNW-dom! 🙂
thanks – tjc
Kathryn,
I thought I was the only writer who did that.
It’s hard to stop editing, I’ve found. I’m much harder on myself than anyone else is, and yes, there are days I seriously wonder what I’ve done to myself with these delusions…
tjc – I like your rhetorical question here.
Whew – glad I’m not alone.
“A writer is somebody for whom writing is more difficult than it is for other people.” Thomas Mann
Joe, I seldom feel euphoric. But that’s probably my personality, nothing to do with writing! Paula, TJC, maybe I should start an MNW 12-step program, lol! Jim, I love that quote. It gets harder for me as time goes by, maybe because I’m trying for more. At least, I’ll console myself that that’s the reason!
TJC, I got up at 2 a.m. to write this post, because, as usual, I was behind on the deadline. That probably explains why it’s “honest and revealing”, lol.
I’m on a hard-edged bright-line deadline right now and feel like hell. Cool!
Terri
PS: a bit of procrastination while I’m waiting for a phone call.
Perhaps I’m crazy, but I LOVE the writing process. Yes, it’s hard work, but it’s also amazing fun.
When I write I feel like I’m playing in the world’s biggest sandbox with all the toys I can imagine. I hate the business side of writing and see it as a necessary evil, but the actual writing is a joy.
The best days are when your fingers are flying over the keys and you’re totally into your story and you realize you’re grinning ear to ear. No sales numbers or acclaim comes close to that.
Kathryn, this is wonderful. Dead on point. And rolling the rock uphill is only half of the battle. The other half is the cretins who sit on top of the rock while you’re doing the heavy lifting, and ask you why it takes you so long.
Every time I get a rejection, I wonder if I’ve lost my talent as a writer and if it’s time to retire. But then I contemplate life without a book project in my head and without the writing community out there to commiserate. Maybe I’m a sucker for torment, but quitting isn’t an option. We keep striving to improve, to make the next sale, to gain readers.
Writing can be tough but I lean toward Happyville more often than not. But let’s put that into perspective. Here are some of the things I did before writing:
The 7 years I worked as a cook, working 8-10 hour days on my feet often without any break because we were always understaffed, going home after midnight starved because I couldn’t afford the same food that I served customers, and never getting paid overtime because that wasn’t “company policy.”
The construction job where I had to keep working day in, day out, regardless of rain, lightning, wind, or even snow. There were days I couldn’t open my fingers to drop the hammer when I was done. And then there was the 110 degree summer when my employer made me shovel several truckloads of rock, by hand, until I ended up with heat stroke.
And then the cushy office job where my boss used to take data entry work from our desks when we were done, log it into the system under his own name, and tell us that he could do more in an hour than the entire department could in a day. There were no breaks or overtime at this job either, we just worked through. Those who didn’t got fired. We were supposed to feel rewarded by being allowed to keep our jobs, until I questioned the boss’s authority one day after nine years and was terminated without notice (this is an “at-will” state where I live, which means an employer can fire you at any time for any reason). Obviously, I was ready to go anyway.
So now I stress out about trying to get words on the page four or five or six hours a day. I juggle that with a part time on-call job and all of the usual things that come along with family life. I worry about bills, about keeping my home, about whether my kids will be the first in my family to ever see the inside of a college… and yet I’m happier now than I’ve ever been in my life.
For me, it boils down to why I write. My college English lit prof said, “Writers hold a mirror up to society.” At a sci-fi conference I attended, Joe Haldeman said that if you wanted to know at any given time what a writer thought was important in life, look at the themes in his or her work for that period.
When I write fiction, I’m surfacing what I see in that mirror, and that gives my life purpose. Of course I want to write well. Heck, who wouldn’t. I’ve spent the last six years taking classes, reading books, working with professional editors, attending workshops. But that’s not the part of the writing that makes me feel good at the end of a day or the end of a story. It’s that I did something worth doing. I had the mirror in my hands. So I’m always thrilled when I’m done writing for the day, even when what I have on the page still needs a lot of work.
K S Ferguson
Nancy, Joe, and everyone, thanks for the great comments! Mark, I’m jealous if you’re in Happyville that much! Jamie, working overtime at crummy jobs would indeed make writing seem easy! I think I must be a spoiled whiner, lol. KS, your comment truly puts everything in perspective. It’s all about doing our best and getting the words down, even if they’re imperfect in our own eyes. Terri, misery loves company! Thanks for stopping by!
Actually, that business of pushing a gargantuan boulder up a mountain only to have it roll back down again (flattening me in the process) reminds me of my day job exactly.
Writing is certainly toilsome at times, but I don’t feel like I’m rolling a boulder up a mountain. It’s more like my journey is a slow plod when I want to race to the finish line.
I’m motivated to write the stories because, generally speaking, as a female I tend to like things a little different than the majority of females…so I’m writing to fill a niche that is underserved.
That compels me to keep plodding. 😎
That big rock rolled back down the hill and squashed me flat a long time ago.
BK, I understand what you’re saying. When I visualized the rock, I was thinking of people I’ve known who have kept writing for many years, even when they’ve had little success in terms of getting published. I admire their perseverance.
Wendy, lol, at least you’ve solved the problem!
Kathryn–I keep writing because one, I can’t stop, and two, because I never considered stopping. Success is NEVER giving up. Pushing that rock has kept that gleam in my eyes all these years. . . since eighth grade.
Believe me, I’m glad I’m not Sisyphus because when I’m done rolling that rock to the top, I’m gonna toss it clear over the other side. Oh, yeah!