Forgive me, for I have sinned. Last weekend, on the holy Day of Atonement, we asked forgiveness for the general sins of mankind, for anything hurtful to others we’d done in recent times, plus we requested entry for the coming year into the Book of Life which would be sealed on this solemn holiday. We asked for help to become as pure as when we were born and to realize our full potential as human beings. I did all this, but I also thought about my work.
Yom Kippur fell on a Saturday this year, making my transgression a double whammy. On each Sabbath, we are supposed to rest and avoid all thoughts of business. So you’ll have to count me as a sinner, because I couldn’t shut these musings off during the Yom Kippur service. I found myself writing blogs in my head. I studied hairstyles in my alter ego identity as Marla Shore, my hairdresser sleuth. Hmm, how would I add more shine to that lady’s hair color? I thought about my daily page quota and how I’d catch up since I was behind.
But I didn’t write those pages, nor did I write any blogs on the holiday. I tried to stay away from the computer, truly I did. However, during the service, I didn’t concentrate on the hymns and prayers as totally as I should have done. At home again afterward, I hereby confess that I checked my email and social networks. What can I say? My addiction to writing is to blame. I beg forgiveness for my irreverence and weakness of mind.
Have you ever tried shutting off your writer’s brain? It’s nearly impossible, at least for me. Even on vacation, I’ll compose mental blogs or take notes on my observations. When I read newspapers or magazines, I tear out articles to file even though they might never be used. It seems that once you begin writing fiction, you will always see things differently. Every experience becomes fodder for a story. Every observation can inspire a setting detail. Every person you meet might turn into a fictional character.
Our writer’s life is like a book, only to end when we close the last page. Thus, once a writer, always a writer. Do you agree, or have you successfully shut off your writer’s brain at times?
excellent post, some even jot notes while sleeping, literally
I can’t turn it off either, Nancy! Great post!
Nancy–I chuckled when I read this. My post tomorrow has a bit about the all-consuming writer’s brain & how it can’t be denied. I also talk about bear hunting & Kevin Bacon, but it’s scary how some of us blogmates don’t coordinate posts yet come up with great lead in blogs. Fun.
I think you can be forgiven for your “sin” because writing is like breathing. You can’t stop your lungs from working any more than you can “turn off” the writer’s brain. Bet that was torture trying though.
Nancy, for me it’s like a radio with no off button playing in the next room. No matter what I’m doing, I can still hear it.
Bloggedin and Melissa, you made me feel as though I’m not alone in my craziness, thanks. Joe, that’s a great analogy. Jordan, thank you for the “forgiveness”. Writing is like breathing…another great analogy. You guys are the best. My guilt is winging out the window as we speak.
The only time writer’s brain turns off is when I DON’T want it to (ie the occasional burnout phases). Otherwise, it just won’t be silent.
BK Jackson
http://www.bkjackson.blogspot.com
Is it a sin? Yes. To not reverence God in the way we should is as bad as it gets when it comes to sin. But as I read your post I couldn’t help but think that that is the point. The Law prescribes a means by which the blood of sheep and goats can atone for a year, but it has to be repeated the next year. For that matter, even as people are in the process of obtaining that atonement, many are sinning because they aren’t worshiping God but their thoughts are somewhere else. We can’t help it. That’s in our nature. What people need is a different kind of sacrifice, one that doesn’t just atone for the sins of the past year, but one that atones for the sins of the past, the sins we’re committing now, and the sins we haven’t even thought of yet.
BK, you’re right. Our writer’s brain shuts down when we don’t want it to.
Timothy, as you’ve said, our transgressions are human nature. But as we all strive to be better persons and get closer to God, we try to improve. At least I tried to focus and admit my weakness for not succeeding. And personally, atoning for the past year is a tenet of my religion but not of others, so who’s to say what’s right?
When I’m not writing, my brain abuses me for stepping away from the keyboard! So, as all writers, my writer’s brain is always engaged . . .looking for that kernel to grow into a book. Hey, as Billy Joel sings, I’d rather run with the sinners than pray with the saints! I love this life. Even the guilt! LOL!
Yeah, I feel guilty whenever I go to visit someone in the hospital. There they may be, hooked up to all sorts of machines, fighting for dear life, and part of me is studying the details for a future scene.
This makes me think of the old saying (when men actually made up most of the work force)–A man may work from dusk till dawn, but a woman’s work is never done. I’d have to say that goes double for writer’s. That part of our brain never goes off-duty.
Oops. I think that saying should be dawn till dusk, not the other way around. 🙂
Hmm… since on Yom Kippur we’re looking to be inscribed in the Book of Life, I think you’ll be getting a pass from the ultimate writer.
I can’t shut it off either, Nancy. I walk into rooms full of strangers and wonder who among them is a killer, or, alternatively, who would be the first one to die if someone would burst through the door with guns blazing. Or, alternatively, who is mentally begging to be taken into a closet and ravished. Obviously, I don’t tell anyone about these thoughts, so let’s keep it a secret, okay?
I’m Catholic, and it’s a sin if you intend to do something wrong and can’t, or if you actually do it. Thinking about it is okay as long as you don’t dwell on it. I think that’s how it works. I mean, not thinking about a sinful act is like being told not to think about a white horse.
Not to worry Nancy, as the Great Rabbi Yeshua said “Shabbat was made for man, not man for Shabbat.” and “If a lamb falls into a pit on Shabbat, will its owner not go in and pick it up?”
If the Creator put in you the ability to think, (ie. raise a story from a dark pit), if the thoughts flow on their own especially on Shabbat, doubly on Yom Kippur, perhaps they are not yours alone, but emanating from the very Throne of the Holy One.
If you really wanna get down to the nitty gritty Mishnah Shabbat only forbids writing & erasing…not thinking, imagining, dreaming what you will write the next day.
לְשָׁנָה טוֹבָה תֵּחָתֵמוּ וְתִכָּתֵבוּ
Oh and by the way Joe H. I was able to successfully not thing about a white horse at … all …
Dang it! stupid white horse just walked in to my head … bad horsie
Kathy, I like your attitude! And oh gosh, James, I smiled at your confession. You bring home how everything we experience may end up in a story some day.
Yes, Lynn, I think we can safely say that our writer’s brain never goes off duty even when we try to shut it down.
Jilly, I did make my request, several times, for me and my family to be entered into the Book of Life. And I also recited all the sins. So when it really mattered, I paid attention. During the sermon, however, that’s another story.
Hey Joe H., your post would be a good topic for another blog. What do you as a wrier imagine when you walk into a roomful of people? Anyway, I get your point.
Basil, thanks for the reassurance. It’ll help my guilt next time I sit here typing away on a Saturday.
There’s an Off switch????
Ross:
the switch is immediately behind and slightly above upper orifice of right ear on most model 1932-1973 units. 1974-1988 units have switch placed two inches inside left nostril. Units 1989-2009 are remote control only with the wifi sensor in multiple locations including the forehead, left nipple, belly button, and right little piggy toe. Sometimes this is bad if they lose the remote. Models prior to 1932 have no off switch, but have limited interferance and greater storage capacity. Models after 2009 are part of the cloud, and therefore can be turned off by anyone with full access rights as signed for at time of first log on.
I completely agree. It is not a sin to be your authentic self. God wants us to rest, but in resting, we find more spaces for creativity.
Go. Create. Inspire!
Mary, I guess we should consider resting as part of the creative process. Is that why I feel compelled to take a nap each afternoon? Seriously, He had the right idea. Sometimes it’s necessary to force yourself to take time off, and in doing so, you gain a new perspective on things.
Basil Sands @2:25 pm – thanks for the best laugh I’ve had all day. I’ll have to make sure I don’t scratch my right ear when stuck for a topic. But back to the post…
Excellent post, Nancy. It illustrates how human you are and how important writing is to your wellbeing. An off switch? Never! My job provides incredible bits for future stories, but then so does a ride on the bus. It’s all in how you look at your world.
I, too, believe you will be forgiven for your sin.
Thank you, Sandra, for your comments and your reassurance. It’s wonderful to share thoughts with other writers who are on the same page!