by James Scott Bell
@jamesscottbell
I’ve always contended that sharpening your dialogue is the fastest way to improve any manuscript. I’ve heard editors and agents say they often take a submission and turn to a dialogue section. That’s because no matter how good the concept, flat, flabby, bland dialogue almost always means the writer is lacking in other areas.
Conversely, if your dialogue zings it demonstrates that you know what you’re doing and engenders trust in you as a writer.
Of course, this goes for readers, too. They love great dialogue. Provide it, and you’ll sell some books.
Here are four quick dialogue tips for your consideration:
Foreign Language
Sometimes you may have a character who has a foreign language as their primary tongue. My Romeo series takes place mostly in and around Los Angeles, so foreign tongues abound, especially Hispanic.
Certainly, you don’t want long blocks of foreign words, like this:
“Te lo digo, James Scott Bell es el mejor escritor de todos los tiempos. Si lees alguno de sus libros, lo sabrás. Mis favoritos personales son los libros de la serie de suspenso de Mike Romeo.”
For a short word or phrase, I’ll italicize it. If it’s a common word most people know, I don’t need to translate. Thus:
“Do you live here?” I said.
“Sí,” he said.
If it’s a longer line that requires translation, you can render it a few ways. Elmer Kelton in The Time it Never Rained, has this:
“No me mate!” the voice pleaded. “Me rindo!” (“Don’t kill me! I surrender.”)
You can also use other characters:
“No me mate!” the voice pleaded. “Me rindo!”
“What was that?” Smith said.
Jones said, “He saying he surrenders, don’t kill him.”
Or you can write:
He started rambling in Spanish. I caught a few words. It sounded like a surrender.
This is an area of the craft that had a lot of flexibility. The only “rule” is: Don’t confuse the reader. Eso es muy malo.
Interruptions
Fictional talk should have some tension or outright conflict. If a scene of yours seems to be dragging, try starting an argument. And have the characters interrupt each other.
In fiction, you show an interruption by use of the em-dash followed by a close quote. No period or other punctuation. You then immediately give us the other character’s quote. This is from Dashiell Hammet’s The Thin Man:
“Let’s go away,” she suggested. “Let’s go to Bermuda or Havana for a week or two, or back to the Coast.”
“I’d still have to tell the police some kind of story about that gun. And suppose it turns out to be the gun she was killed with? If they don’t know already they’re finding out.”
“Do you really think it is?”
“That’s guessing. We’ll go there for dinner tonight and—”
“We’ll do nothing of the kind. Have you gone completely nuts? If you want to see anybody, have them come here.”
When a character’s voice trails off, use ellipsis.
“I was wondering . . .”
I glanced at my watch. “Yes?”
“Hm?”
“What were you wondering?”
“Um, I forgot.”
Stylized Realism
In Debbie’s recent post about the Flathead River Writers Conference, I was fascinated by one of the questions a literary agent when considering a manuscript, to wit: Is the dialogue trying too hard to be realistic?
I think I know what she means. Sometimes a new writer will write dialogue that sounds like a transcript of an overheard conversation at Starbucks. If questioned about this, the writer might say, “But that’s how they’d really sound!”
This is a fundamental error. Dialogue in fiction should not be “pure” realism. It should be stylized realism for fictional purposes. The main purposes are to characterize the speaker and move the plot along. You want the sound of real speech without the fat or fluff that usually goes along with it.
Perhaps, too, the agent was indicating an aversion to the abundant cursing we often see on the page, in an attempt to reproduce what one hears on the street. Without understanding stylized realism, that attempt is more off-putting than attractive.
Does that mean you must have your gangbanger character say things like, “Oh, fudge. I’m going to muss you up, you foul stench.” Of course not. Watch some old Law and Order episodes to see how they manage stylized “hard” language. Or read Romeo’s Way, which has no curse words yet has a character who curses a blue streak. It can be done.
Action Beats and Said
A dialogue attribution has one simple job: to let the reader know who is speaking. Good old reliable said does that cleanly, efficiently, then politely leaves before causing any trouble. It can come after or before the dialogue:
“Come out to the car,” she said.
She said, “Come out to the car.”
In a longer line of dialogue, said can be placed in the middle:
“I think I’d better leave,” Millicent said, “before I lose my temper.”
An action beat is a nice, occasional substitute for said.
John pounded the table. “I will not have it!”
With a question, you can use said or asked:
“What shall we do?” Sarah said.
“What shall we do?” Sarah asked.
Whispered is also acceptable, as there’s no pithier way to express it.
If you feel the need to use a descriptive tag like growled or declared, etc., fine. Just don’t make a habit of it. You don’t want readers noticing all the attributions. I prefer letting the surrounding action and context make clear how something is said.
Some writers, under the erroneous impression that said is not creative enough, will strain to find ways not to use it for an entire book.
Big mistake. Action beats put the reader’s mind to work. In bits, that’s no problem. But an unending series of action beats has a wearying effect. The readers might not even realize why they are not enjoying the book as much as they thought they would.
That’s enough talk for one post. Now it’s your turn. Comments or questions welcome.
Jim, Dazzling Dialogue and Voice are probably my two favorites among your books, Between them, I learned what’s needed to write compelling dialogue as well as how to make each character sound distinctive and unique. When a character’s voice is sufficiently strong, attributions are hardly needed b/c the reader instantly recognizes who’s talking.
Have a good Sunday!
Thanks for the kind words, Debbie!
I’ve seen the mistake of “real” dialogue in many manuscripts. It’s a real balancing act to stylize dialogue to make it pithy and credible, but that’s one of the great challenges that make our calling so gratifying.
I found Neil Simon’s collected plays to be a rich source of inspiration for effective dialogue. Simon’s characters sound like real people, and their interactions always rev up the comedic tension.
I love Neil Simon. I have his collected works, too.
Neil (and Woody Allen) both credited Neil’s older brother Danny for teaching them how to write narrative comedy. Danny taught a lauded comedy writing class for many years. I took it. And also copious notes. Danny never wrote a book on the craft, and I’m proud to say I am the one who saved his wisdom for posterity:
https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B008E8I7KK
I did not know about this book. I just bought a copy. Thank you!
Thanks for telling us about this book, Jim. I didn’t know about Danny Simon. Glad you took those notes—I’m looking forward to reading them.
I feel like that student of Aristotle’s who took notes of his lectures. Aristotle never wrote a book (that we know of. Might have burned up in the fire that destroyed the great library of Alexandria).
I hear you on “said.” The eye skips right over “said.” Not so for action beats. I read a book where not a single character “said” anything. They did stuff. Constantly. It slowed everything down.
Thank you! You felt the same thing I did. It just gets wearying. So unnecessary.
Great post, James.
Reading your Romeo novels is not only very entertaining, but also a great way to learn by your example.
Thanks.
Dean, that’s so nice of you to say. Thank you!
Terrific advice, Jim. Said is unobtrusive and tends to disappear for the reader, unless the reader is a writer hyper aware of it 🙂 There was a time when I was learning the craft and big on action beats instead of “said.”
I still love using action beats, but have learned to be more judicious in their use. Overuse makes the characters seem twitchy and restless.
So true, Dale. I read a book once where characters just “crossed his legs” or “tugged her earlobe.” Tiring!
“Another great post, Jim!” she said.
Dialogue in fiction should not be “pure” realism. It should be stylized realism for fictional purposes. The main purposes are to characterize the speaker and move the plot along. You want the sound of real speech without the fat or fluff that usually goes along with it.
This was a fairly new concept for me. Another application for it, IMHO, is conversations between teenagers. There’s a whole new wing of the English language out there that’s fairly unintelligible to me. Listening to the grands talk, I need an interpreter. So, as an author, perhaps a trickle of their unique communication style would be in order. 🙂
Have a great Sunday!
Trickle is the right word, Deb. It’s tough using current slang because it changes in a week. When your book comes out it might sound dated already! Bummer!
As a reader, I love dialogue for the way it gives insight into the characters, but too many unusual attributions (growled, wheezed, croaked) get in the way.
Also, I like the way you handle profanity in the Romeo books. There’s no question about what’s being said, but it’s not obnoxious.
Thanks, Kay. It’s acutally kind of fun figuring out creative ways to do that.
Me too, Kay!
“He knew if he said what was in his mind, his Momma’d come back from the grave and give him her special soap wash.”
We all know what the character wanted to say, and each reader can fill in the blanks.
Love this! Great reminder of using dialog to move the action forward. I recently accepted a position as acquisitions editor for Elk Lake Publishing, Inc. Last night another editor and I had a conversation about a proposal we received. There was no dialog in the first five pages. We declined the submission.
I’m going to buy your book on dialog – adding it to my JSB library. I’m teaching a workshop in March on dialog so I’ll happily point the attendees to your book as a followup.
That’s nice of you, Jane. I looked for years at a good, practical, nuts and bolts book on dialogue and didn’t find it, so I decided to write one!
I’ve looked at many a manuscript from new writers that overdo the exposition on the first pages. I would look for the first place where dialogue appears and advised they start there. Act first, explain later. Works wonders.
Very good advice. My addition for newer writers is to cast your characters with actors you are very familiar with so you can hear their voices when you write dialog. This is especially useful for secondary characters who aren’t always around.
Right on, Marilynn. I call this “orchestrating” the cast. They should be differentiatied in action and speech so there is plenty of fodder for conflict.